Learning to Fly
by AmbiguousTardigrade
Summary: Dedicate my life to Humanity and eradicate those damn titans; that is all I have ever cared about. Nothing was more important than serving in the Recon Corps and fighting to secure our future and freedom. Until one day it wasn't, and now I have to deal with the consequences, and all the struggle that goes with it. Levi x OC Levi POV
1. Unexpected Discovery

**PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE'NT READ PAST CHAPTER 35 OF THE MANGA**

To help with character development and just because I want to, Squad Levi consisting of Eld, Gunther, Oluo and Petra are still alive; cause I love them…. And they died to soon ;-; Also, even though I don't endorse cursing, there will be a good amount of it in here as it is to keep the characters…. Well… In character. And there is gonna be violence and stuff sooo….. watch out kiddies!

The story thus far:

Annie Leonheart, the Female Titan shifter, is now in custody of the Military Police. The city is in shambles after her and Eren's great battle, and to add on to that, a titan has been found inside the damaged wall, along with news of a compromise in Wall Rose. Hundreds of titans now pour in, and with little other choice, Squad Levi, among others, are sent to deliver Eren to the breach in an attempt to secure the wall once more. Commander Erwin has devised to implement a small recon formation, consisting of a select number of soldiers to protect Eren until the destination is met.

Regular

_Thoughts/Memories/Flackbacks/Ect_

_***sound effects***_

This story is told from the point of view of Lance Corporal Levi

Chapter 1:

**Unexpected Discovery**

Year 850- Wall Sina gate

"ONWARD!"

And so it began. The small company to both of my sides lurch forward, and with them, I spur my horse to join. Hooves dance across the ground as we speed along, nothing but the sound of thudding dirt, the breathing of the horses, and the flap of our mantles accompanying our journey.

Travel is swift as we make our way across the vast empty land, slicing our way through titan territory in a bee line for Wall Rose. With nothing but green fields and a cloudy blue sky to entertain us, there isn't much to do while upon horseback, and so to pass the time, I focus my mind on the people around me.

Commander Erwin heads the formation just a few horse lengths ahead, with Mike Zacharius and Hanji Zoe to my flanks. To my rear race my squad; Petra and Oluo to my left, and Eld and Gunther to my right with that brat Eren between them. Beyond that is the select best of the 104th trainees: Sasha Blouse, Connie Springer, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Bertolt Hoover, Jean Kirstein, and Reiner Braun. A small, compressed group with a single goal: Get Eren to Wall Rose.

"Titan! To the left!"

Mike's voice penetrates the air and breaks me out of my mental assessment. Immediately Erwin lifts his arm and signals to his right, commanding change of course. Some from within our central group fires a flare and, as one, the whole unit follows Erwin's direction. Soon, the offending titan is out of sight.

'_A small, skilled group…. That is all we need. Following the protocol of the Long Range Travel Formation, the goal is to alter our course according to titan sightings. Avoid conflict as much as possible and cut a swift route to the wall…'_

Erwin is a brilliant man, and his orders more so. This plan of his is extraordinary, and as of now, highly successful.

Already, an hour has passed since our expedition began, and our course has had to alter many times, but with our speed and small size, there has been no fighting, and even with the detours, we are making great time.

"There aren't as many titans out it seems. We're lucky to have come this far so easily." Petra voices behind me, sounding both relieved and alert.

Oluo lets out a coarse grunt in answer, "Of course. There is no way their ugly little legs could keep up with us anyway."

"Even so, we can't let our guard down."

"Tch. What are you Gunther, a trainee?" Oluo replies, voice heavily condescending. "Those gigantic bastards are no match to us. You hear that Eren!? Squad Levi is the best of the best, so don't you go around wailing like Gunther and Pet… *_**SQUELCH***_"

Petra's sigh drones from behind me, and I can almost feel her exasperation.

"I swear Oluo, you're going to bite your tongue clean off…" she mutters.

Oluo replies with a rebuking sneer, though I'm positive it just makes him look idiotic with a mouth and chin covered in blood.

"That's enough."

Eld, my second in command, calls forward.

"If you two are just going to bicker then keep your mouth shut and eyes peeled. We are only half way to our destination, and anything can happen."

All fall silent again at his words, and they thankfully keep it for the next few miles before Petra speaks up once more, voice more hushed and serious.

"I don't like the look of the sky over there…."

We all turn to where she motions, none of us having noticed the wall of darkness descending upon us from the right.

"Are those clouds?"

"I think so Eren. And nothing good either…."

"Yeah. The weather has been unpredictable for a while now." Gunther adds, pausing to make a sound of displeasure. "Let's just hope we make it to the wall before it hits."

Though I can't see any of them, their apprehension is palpable. Even with my head facing forward, obediently following Erwin with my eyes, I know everyone is wearing a similar look as my own. A storm would compromise the entire mission: earth would be slick under hoof, visibility would be cut substantially, and our signal flares would be useless. Even with such a small group, it's just too easy to become separated, so the flares are essential.

But even as the menacing thunderhead draws closer, Erwin's figure stays steady, uncompromising and charging steadily ahead.

The mission still will continue.

I've been under his leadership for years, and I place all my confidence and trust in him, yet a small ball of apprehension sits in my stomach as my eyes take in the darkening mass coming straight for us. Nothing good awaits us there, yet all I can do is clench the reins in my fists and push on.

* * *

"Corporal!"

Petra's scream screeches across my mind as she steers her horse dramatically around, avoiding a titan by mere feet. Oluo and Gunther yell at one another behind me as they follow my lead, steering Eren on his jittery horse from his place between them. Rain stings my eyes as we race, aberrants hot on our tails. Everything went wrong so fast….

_The impending storm crashed upon us sooner than anyone of us expected, and it came at us in full fury. Gusts nearly blew our horses off their feet and rain was a downpour. Ground turned to mush in minutes and visibility shrunk to near zero. I could barely even see my companions beside me._

"_This is no good. We won't make any progress at all in this." Hanji frowns into the rain. "Erwin! It's nearly impossible to continue! We need to head back!"_

_At this, Erwin sat up in his horse slightly, dropped in speed until he was at level with Hanji's horse and mine._

"_Then what? Fighting through this trying to head back is useless. Wall Rose is closer. There will be maintenance buildings placed at intervals around the interior. We will follow the wall until we reach one. Understood?"_

* * *

It was so easy for Hanji, Mike and I to nod in agreement back then. It was just a simple plan, and yet…

What of our luck, that we would happen right upon the breach? And the titan count is enormous. They are everywhere. I can hear the trainee's screams from behind me as we approach the wall, and with grim revelation, I know that there is no hope in us finding shelter here.

Titans line the entrance like some sort of damned funnel trap. They fan to either side, wandering mindlessly, but their sheer numbers make it impossible to steer through. Only the breach is open, by some demented stroke of luck.

We can't stop; We couldn't turn around; We can't do anything for fear that the monsters surrounding our small group will descend upon us and devour us all. We have no choice.

Barreling as close together as we can, we gallop our way towards the breach, the tall, stone walls reaching up to the sky on either side. With great speed, we manage to squeeze through the crack, the storm winds blasting off our hoods and blinding us with needle-like rain and sheer force. Before we know it, we are inside Wall Maria, and we are greeted by the assemblage of death that awaits us.

Just beyond the wall's dark shadows are clusters of titans, and thanks to the sound of our stampede, each group turns their head to the sound and promptly give chase. The onslaught of pursuing titans is so perilous that Sasha almost kills herself by attempting to run out of formation in a blind panic. If it weren't for Reiner grabbing hold of her horse, she probably would have succeeded.

Everyone is aghast at the hoard following us, myself included, but we have to keep going forward, otherwise we will all be killed. As it is right now, Commander Erwin is our only hope, and even with chaos and fear all around us, he keeps his head forward, charging determinedly away from our pursuers. All we can do now is follow his example and pray that the next minute wont be our last.

* * *

There is no escape.

The rain fed mud slush slows us down, just out of the titans reach, and since the damn things seem to never tire while flailing after their prey, they don't relent. A group of eight follows us now: three 5 meter classes, one 3 meter, and four 15 meter classes, each pursuing us with arms flailing and ugly mouths agape like saliva covered grins.

We can't turn around lest we get eaten. Only a few moments before, Erwin had tried to swing us away in an arc to lose the titans behind us, but with the ground so slick, any movement to turn or swerve resulted in the horses losing their footing.

And even if we could have managed to turn around, where would we go? Maria is a wasteland here. Due to the vast emptiness of the landscape, wind pushes against us constantly, so forcefully at times that I have to cling to my horse with my legs or be blown clean off.

That is how we survive for the next two hours: Running for our lives. Our horses were well past tired, but we can't stop. What else are we to do?

* * *

Wall Maria is in our sight now. At least we made it to the towns.

Our flock of chasing titans stopped once we entered the district, and for a moment, we all thought we finally made it.

But as we glide through the empty streets, things couldn't have been farther from the truth. The abandoned town is even more congested with titans than outside. Thanks to most of these abominations being incredibly stupid, many have wandered into the district by accident through the open gate, but couldn't figure out how to leave. And so their numbers have grown astoundingly. There seems to be a titan for every house we pass, and now that we were inside, there is next to no hope. The only sounds are hooves against stone, and every giant follows the noise.

In just minutes, it is chaos….

* * *

Now it's just my squad and I, four aberrants careening for us.

We lost the others in the maze of town streets as we all did what we could to run. There was no way to keep formation anymore, and once some blundering titan sundered into our path, we had no choice but to split into the alleyways. And from there, all communication was lost.

Oluo and Petra scream my name again as I steer them hard right, the looming titan waiting for us on that street colliding into the building we were just in front of, having thrown all its weight into grabbing one of us. The rain hasn't let up, though thanks to the walls, the wind has died down.

Left, right, left, left again… How long can we keep this up? All our lives rest heavy on my shoulders, and I am determined to get us out alive. But all I can do is run circles in this god forsaken village.

'_Switching to 3D movement gear is suicide. And we can't dare lose the horses.' _My thoughts remind me once more.

We just have to run; run for our lives like damn roaches.

'_The gate. We have to reach the gate.'_

Maybe, just maybe, we can make a run for it. Outside the walls has got to be better than in here. This district is certain death. At least outside, we may have a chance… even if we have to slice our way through.

"Everyone! Ready your blades!"

I feel their eyes on me as a space appears ahead, a small gap in the wall. The gate. Blood and adrenaline rush through my body as I turn my head to look at my subordinates, each boring their gaze into mine.

"We're charging the gate! Keep your blades ready to strike but stay on your horses!"

"But Corporal! That's suicide!" Oluo screams, and it's easy to see his fear.

"We'll die! There has to be another way! Corporal! Please!"

Petra's eyes dance with tears as she begs with me.

"Corporal, we can still try to find the others. They must be nearby!"

"We can't just abandon them!"

Erd and Gunther, always trying to keep their wits about them, but they still stare with wide, horrid eyes. As much as they want to, they don't believe their words any more than I do. This mission was long since finished. There is nothing I can do for the others now, where ever they are. My main priority now is to guide these soldiers to safety.

'_If there is such a thing.'_

My gaze travels to Eren, and I'm unsurprised to see that look in his eyes. It's a mixture of terror, anger, doubt, and overwhelming determination to stay alive. He returns my gaze without saying a word, and he doesn't have to. I face forward again. The gate draws closer.

'_This is it.'_

Time seems to slow as we near it, and titans greet us with open mouths. 300 meters…. 200 meters… 100 meters… With a great yell, we charge through, titan bodies coming upon us. My blades slice into the fingers of a giant, cleaving them off with sheer force. Eren yells as Gunther screams. Petra cries out his name. I can't look back now…. _***SHLING***_ Not yet…. _***CRUNCH***_ Not until we reach the gate….

With a final yell, we stampede through, a hundred fingers gripping us, and then….. we are outside.

The wind picks up again, throwing water into my eyes.

"Corporal! Gunther!"

Eld's voice brings me back. Turning, I see only emptiness behind me. Gunther and his horse are gone.

"He's there! On the wall!"

Eren stares up at the tiny speck of an object hanging from the outside of the wall, and I immediately take charge.

"Eld! Petra! Eren! Stick close!"

With that, I slow my horse and turn. Even at a steady trot, we nearly slide in the mud.

Blessed luck there are no titans near enough to reach us. All the ones inside the wall are too damn stupid to make it out.

Thundering back, I catch sight of Gunther hanging from his gear on the wall. He's alive, but even from here I can tell that a leg should not bend that way.

Reaching the entrance of the gate again, the brown haired man swings free of the wall and lands heavily on Oluo's horse, crying out in agony.

"Let's move!"

Just as quickly as we returned, we left, Wall Maria growing distant behind us.

One horse down, one soldier injured, but all alive. Even within complete titan territory, a small bit of relief blooms in my chest. We made it.

All was silent as we ride, barely able to hold a fast trot as exhausted as the horses are. At least in this open place, no titans are near, and for a moment, we all can breathe easier. Eld paces up next to me, face grim.

"What now?"

I decide easily enough.

"Shelter first. We're sitting ducks as we are now."

A quick nod is his only response before returning to his spot near the back. For now, everyone is on the lookout for some kind of sanctuary, any kind.

* * *

We don't come across anything until Wall Maria is well behind us, and just in time too. Oluo's horse can't go on, but just past the distant horizon not but a mile away lays a forest. Not like the forest of giant trees, but a regular one, dense and full from the looks of it, and about as titan free as we'll ever get.

Oluo's horse collapses when we finally stop just outside the treeline. The extra weight and strain was too much for the creature, so now Gunther is forced to ride with Eren, and Oluo with Petra.

Once situated, I give the order for us to start moving again, and with nay a word, I lead them into these strange woods.

Unlike the hell we just had to endure to even get here, travel through the forest is slow and uneventful, nothing but trees and dirt and silence. We trod along for a good while; I'm not about to compromise distance and chance us being ambushed, and I'm making damn sure we are deep in before I even begin to think of stopping to rest. Even in this seemingly empty forest, we can only pray we are alone in here.

And so time passes…. And passes… and passes…. With each minute, confidence in our safety grows, and soon enough, I feel confident enough to stop.

"We'll stop here."

All draw to a halt. It is almost dark now, the overhanging branches of trees hiding what limited daylight we have, and bugs chirp and buzz all around us.

"Good. At least the rain has stopped…" Petra replies softly, hopping off her horse to assist Gunther.

"My ass is drenched to the bone."

"I think all of us are Oluo…." Gunther sighs before grunting in pain as he slides off the horse, balancing between Petra and his right leg.

Soon, our four remaining horses are tethered and everyone is grounded. Eld and Oluo staring into the forest with looks of forlorn; Gunther on the ground with his injured leg in Petra's hands, and Eren watching on, tearing up a mantle to create bandages.

"Damn…" Gunther curses through clenched teeth, watching Petra as she does her best to tend to his leg. "Nearly cleaved my own leg off trying to get away…. I can't believe I let one of them grab me like that. Stupid…."

"Don't beat yourself up Gunther," Petra soothes, soaking up blood with her own mantle, turning the fabric even darker. "There were so many…. I jarred my shoulder when I tried to cut the fingers off one that was grabbing for me."

Eren nods beside them, face grim. "But we made it, thanks to Corporal…"

Petra starts to nod in agreement, but I cut her off with a disapproving scoff.

"Don't thank me just yet."

She moves to say something in objection, but I stop her again with wave of my hand.

"We still have no idea where we are, or where the hell the rest of the team is, if they are even alive."

With that, I turn and take out my blades.

"I'm going to do a scouting circle. You all stay here. Eld, take charge."

Without letting them have time to recover, I cast out my lines and fly off into the trees.

There is just enough light to see by, but not much else. Everything is silent and green as I make my round, and for the first time in hours, it seems calm and I can finally start to think to myself again.

We lost sight of the others inside the district. Erwin would probably have done the same thing we had and try to escape through the gate. Either that or scale the wall, though that would sacrifice all their horses and meager supplies.

The more I think of the whole situation, the more aggravated I become about the entire ordeal. The mission failed, now he and my squad are stranded in the middle of titan territory with no supplies and only four exhausted horses.

"What the hell did we get into…."

My voice entertains no one but myself as I fly from branch to branch, dodging annoyingly dense foliage and splattering water drops. Everything looks the same from up here, though at least there doesn't seem to be any titans near. Nothing but green and more green… wait…

A flash of… something… appears in my peripheral and I stop immediately and turn around. Nothing. No, there WAS something there, I know.

Gripping my blades, I jump down the trees, limb to limb, eyes scanning for any kind of movement. None comes. I stop again on the lowest branch of some kind of tree covered in strong smelling needles and peer cautiously around the trunk.

"Well I be damned…"

Even I can hear the surprise in my voice.

Just beyond the cover of low lying branches lays the perpetrator of the flash that caught my eye. It was the reflection of sunlight off of glass… glass from the window of a house. I honestly can't believe my eyes, but there it is, nuzzled in the woods just below me. Stone walls, wooden roof… old as hell but still together.

"As good a shelter as we could ever hope to find."

We just might make it through the night now thanks to this, and my blood seems to teem with new energy as I race back to my team.

"Corporal!" Eld calls as I land skillfully beside them. "Everything clear?"

"Yes. And better."

At that, everyone turns to look at me, a mixture of confusion and curiosity.

"Better?" Eren asks from his place beside a heavily bandaged Gunther and worn out Petra, all sitting on a fallen tree trunk.

I nod to them.

"There's a house near here."

All their faces drop, astonishment clear on all of them.

"What?!"

"Are you serious Corporal?!"

"A house? HERE? How is that even possible?!"

I shush them with a wave of my hand.

"It looks old. Probably build before the walls. But it's still in one piece. There are no titans anywhere near here, so it's safe."

It still takes a few seconds for it all to sink in.

"You're serious…" Oluo whispers, wide eyed despite himself.

"Yes. Now get on your horses. We need to make it there before dark otherwise we'll all break our ankles trying to get there."

As one, they nod and move into action. All gather their steeds, Petra assisting Gunther onto her own again, then we are off. Weaving in and out of trees to the sound of brush clears my mind, and each step seems like a step closer to survival.

Before we know it, we are there. We all stare at the quaint building while tethering the horses one last time. It is small and obviously very old, but sturdy. Stones make up the walls with only a few small, square windows to break up the structure. Bushes and vines crawl into every crevasse and crack, threading their way into the walls like a web of greenery. A heavy wooden door greets us at the entrance, slightly ajar as if to invite us in.

"Oh wow…"

Creaky wooden floors sound at our arrival inside, and though it is heavily shadowed from the forest blocking what little light is still shining from the falling sun, it is… nice.

Nothing decorates the walls, but to our left there is a living room of sorts, complete with a plump looking couch, rocking chair, a hole in the wall for a fire place, and a table that seems to have been made from a thick horizontal slice of tree trunk; its edges still bearing little bits of bark and rings rippling out in uneven circles across the top.

To our right is a crude kitchen. A basin that might have served as a sink some time ago sits upon a simple wooden counter. A few matching cabinets adorn the wall above along with a mish mash of utensils such as knives and wooden spoons.

Beyond the kitchen and living room is some sort of short hallway, but the hall is too deep in shadow to see clearly.

"This is perfect…" Petra sighs behind me, Gunther's arm wrapped around her neck for support.

With a few grunts, she manages to lead him to the couch in a few short hops, Gunther showing a great deal of relief as he lays back into it.

"Man this is great…."

"It is…." Eren murmurs behind me, looking around with wide eyes.

"You never seen a house before?" I chide at him, a deep frown set upon my face. "You gawk your eyes at everything, and it's freaking annoying."

At that he stiffens and looks at me as if I had whipped him. Perhaps I should. All that childish awe is bullshit and needs to go.

"Go check the rest of the house and try to find something useful. Got it?"

"Yes sir!"

Boots clatter as he skitters away, and I let out a grunt, closing the front door that the stupid brat left open.

"I could get used to this!" Oluo says, arms behind his head and eyes closed from where he sits in the rocking chair, a content grin on his face.

Petra shrugs her shoulders and leans against the wall as she answers, "Certainly better than sleeping in the woods."

Eld nods in agreement, joining Petra by taking a seat on the floor and resting back against the wall.

"Damn right it is. Well… now that everyone is all settled and happy…" Oluo grunts, lifting himself out of his chair. "… I gotta take a piss."

"Oluo! We don't need to know that!" Petra scolds him, getting that exasperated look on her face like she always does whenever the buffoon says something disgusting or stupid.

"Whatever…." He answers back before leaving and shutting the front door firmly behind him.

"Disgusting pig…" Petra moans, leaning her head on the wall behind her.

Silence comes again and finally, we have a time to rest. With nothing else to hold my attention, I scan the interior again, soaking in every detail.

It has leaked rainwater in here before if the large slabs of wood nailed in places on the ceiling are anything to go by. And there is a small table by the fireplace that I didn't notice before, wooden like everything else in here and bare save for a carving knife and a coarsely cut block of wood.

The kitchen is nice and tidy, all the knives lined up in a block side by side. The basin is clean, and an assortment of plants hang from a stretch of twine above it, drying in front of a window.

A broom sits in a corner by the front door. A folded cloth lays on the large tree trunk table. Everything is in its place….

An itchy feeling enters my stomach.

'_Something…. Is off….'_

I scan the room again, and the feeling only grows… It's true. Nothing is out of place, and everything from the furniture to the floors are nice and well kept as if…

I suddenly bolt upright, face hard and startle both Petra and Gunther from their quiet dazes. Eld lifts his head in interest.

"Get out your blades."

All just look at me stupidly at my sudden order.

"I… I'm sorry?" Petra replies.

Instead of answering her directly, I pierce her with a sharp gaze.

"Look around. What do you see?"

They follow my instructions and take a moment to take the room in, looks of puzzlement never leaving their faces.

"Nothing. Everything looks fine Corporal."

"Yeah." Gunther grunts, sitting up gingerly. "It's nice here. Is there a problem?"

I nod.

"It's very nice for a house that's sat abandoned in the woods for ages…"

At my slide comment, comprehension suddenly comes to them and everyone is instantly on high alert, Petra standing with her hands on the hilt of her blades with Eld standing stoically beside her.

"But how can anyone live out here?"

"Who knows, but someone has…"

All falls quiet, and my thoughts come quick. Eren's face pops in my mind.

'_He doesn't know.' _

Just as I'm about to call out his name, a yell erupts from deep within the house, my name reverberating off the walls in panic.

"Eren!"

Petra slides out her blades and rushes down the hall, me hot on her heels with Eld not far behind, all of us following the sounds of struggle.

The house isn't large, so it only takes us a few seconds to reach the back room and discover the source of the distress.

There, just in front of an open door built into the floor stands Eren, stiff and visibly panic stricken. Before either Petra, Eld or I can make a move, a body appears from behind Eren.

A petite hand rests a knife against the young man's throat and a slight form makes itself known. From behind a ruffled curtain of dark ginger hair glares a pair of glowing, piercing eyes.

"Who are you and how did you find me!?"

***Authors Note***

_**UPDATED**** 10-15**_ Fixed minor grammar errors and tense errors. New readers, Please excuse my horrid writing in these early chapters. I'm currently in the middle of rewriting them, and it will take me some time. Grammar and writing skill DO improve later on I PROMISE. Just bear with me please. Thank you.

Thank you for taking time to read through this hot mess. After many years of hiatus, I've finally felt the urge to write again, thus, this came out. Please PLEASE let me know how it was. Did you like it? Hate it? Questions? Whatever! Leave it all in a review! Just so you know, reviews are my life blood, and the more I get, the more pushed I am to continue. Thank you again and don't hesitate to share your thoughts, cause if you don't, I'll kill you. Just kidding! XD But…. Seriously… tell me, cause I'm thirsty for critique. Til next time!

-Ambi


	2. Proposition

Chapter 2:

**Proposition**

"Who are you and how did you find me!?"

All of us stand still. Petra gazes wide eyed at the scene before her; Eld keeps composed though his body is taut and his fists are clenched around his blades, ready to spring at any moment.

I keep my eyes glued to the figure, senses alert, and carefully take in the situation.

After my initial shock, I see now that things are not as serious as I instinctively believed. For starters, there are three of us plus Eren against one. And even then, the 'threat' is hardly a threat at all. Better inspection identifies the knife wielder as just a woman, a small one at that. She probably doesn't even stand taller than I, and her body isn't hardened or athletic in any way.

She wears a large shirt and pants that look a size too big making her frame look positively small and awkward. Even her eyes betray her awkwardness; they are sharp, yes, but wide with surprise, and even from this distance I can see her hands shaking just slightly though she makes an effort to hide it. She isn't about to do anything to any of us, but even so I am cautious.

"You live here." I state flatly, watching her reaction carefully.

"Of course I do." She replies simply, honing her gaze at me. "Now answer my question. Who are you and how did you find me?"

She puts up a brave face at least, but brave faces rarely make brave people. Confident that the need for them has passed, I calmly sheath my blades and stare back at her, casually folding my arms.

"Or what?"

Her only answer is a glare.

No one moves except Eren, who switches between trying to look at his captor and me. I wait, but the woman continues to hold her silence. Just for the sake of it and so the titan brat can breathe a little, I decide to humor her.

"Corporal Levi." I say in extreme boredom, then motion to the people beside me with a slight nod. "This is part of my squad, Petra Ral and Eld Jinn. Oluo Bozado is outside taking a piss and Gunther Schultz is in the living room on the couch."

"How did you find me?"

"By riding our horses into the forest here."

The woman shifts a little, adjusting her position slightly.

"I fully assumed that. Inform me about your time before then. Tell me all of it."

We both hold each other's stares, she because it is her dismal way of trying to look intimidating, and me because the woman is quickly pushing my patience. Before I can answer, Petra gives me a long look and I sigh, motioning my approval for her to speak. She nods and looks ahead at the woman again.

"We were on a mission." Petra addresses, calmly recounting the day's hellish events. "Us and about ten others set out to ride to Wall Rose to fix a breach. A terrible storm appeared out of nowhere and large number of titans encountered us. We had no choice to run; first through Wall Rose, then all the way through Wall Maria. By the time we were finally far enough away from danger we were deep in titan territory and needed shelter. We spotted a forest not long after and decided to seek safety there. We stopped about half way in to rest and tend to Gunther's wounds. While we rested, Corporal Levi scouted the surrounding area and found this house. With nothing else around, we came here to recuperate and have some kind of shelter to protect us from the elements."

Petra pauses for a moment, staring at the woman ahead of her.

"We never thought someone would still be using this place. Especially not living here." Petra finishes softly.

The ginger haired woman stays silent, carefully taking it all in before replying.

"You said you were on a mission."

"Yes."

The woman casts her gaze on something behind us, inclining her head.

"Those cloaks… You're from inside the walls?"

Petra nods, "Yes."

"All of you?"

"All of us."

More silence. The ginger haired woman doesn't move, but she seems to slowly relax, eyes lost in thought for a moment. Then without a word, her expression changes. The hardness leaves her eyes and she gradually slides her knife hand from Eren's neck.

"You… You don't wish to harm me?"

Petra gives me a side glance and I straighten up.

"Not anymore now that we know you won't kill our friend here." I say coolly.

The woman lets out a shuttering sigh as if she'd been holding her breath and fully releases Eren, who promptly takes step to stand beside me.

Running a hand though her hair, the mysterious woman lets out another heavy breath towards the floor.

"I… I apologize" The woman says quietly, casting a quick glance to me again. "I… have not been in the company of people for a long time. I feared you all to be intruders intent on maiming me."

Strange how her whole demeanor has changed, of course given the circumstances, the instinct to survive will drive people to do most anything. But still, for one to accept such a claim so readily is peculiar.

"You're companion, Gunther… you said he was injured?" the woman continues when no on replies to her comment.

Eld replies this time, slowly lowering his blades.

"Yes."

"How?"

"He was grabbed from his horse trying to escape a titan. He slashed his own leg attempting to cut the beast's fingers off, and somehow twisted it or strained it in doing to."

The woman nods, a calm expression now resting upon her face. She slowly lifts her hands and folds together her knife before letting her hands fall back to her sides again, sliding the knife into the pocket of her pants.

"I have a proposition. I sincerely apologize for my behavior and actions before." She says, looking at Eren with a twinge of regret. "I honestly did not wish to do you harm. I was down in the basement when I heard you all moving up here. I panicked… And when I saw you come down, I… I didn't know what else to do."

Always one to dole out empathy, Eren nods in understanding.

"I would have done the same thing." He says softly, rubbing his neck.

Silence falls again awkwardly, interrupted only by the chirping of bugs outside, and I watch the strange woman intensely.

"So, your proposition?" I remind her, keeping a watching glare on her.

The woman starts, looking at me levelly before answering.

"To amend for my previous actions and prove to you that I am no threat, let me nurse your companion." She offers, voice softly echoing down the hall. "And if you wish, you may stay here until he is well."

The offer catches me a bit off guard as it hangs in the air between us, and for a while nothing happens as I ponder it over.

"Why should we accept? You were holding one of my subordinates hostage only a moment ago." I pry, to which the woman visibly recoils.

Petra brushes her hand against the sleeve of my jacket to gain my attention. Her expression is earnest.

"Corporal, I was able to bandage Gunther up as best as I could, but that alone isn't enough. She has herbs hanging in the kitchen. She might have something to help heal him and medicate him with. Besides, what other choices do we have?"

What other choices do we have indeed. There were none. We're in the middle of nowhere with an injured soldier and four horses. Really, there is no reason for us not to accept, because where else can we go?

Gradually I turn my attention back to the ginger.

"Can you heal him?"

The ginger nods.

"Just as your friend said, I have healing herbs, and I know how to doctor a wound. It won't be perfect, but it is better than dry bandages alone."

A moment more of silence passes, everyone waiting with baited breath for my command.

I consider the woman, scrutinizing her with heavy suspicion, but really, what else is there for us to do? Just as Petra said, we are in the middle of nowhere, and frankly, our options are limited to none. It's either take up the strange woman's offer, or risk dying outside. Either way, both look just as bleak, but in the end, if there is even a ghost of a chance for us to survive longer by accepting the woman's help, I'll take it.

With nothing more to ponder over, I nod and wordlessly order Petra and Eld to sheath their swords.

"Fine."

"On one condition…"

Instantly I let out an irritated growl at the woman's sudden statement.

"You want something from us in return for your help?" I guess darkly, staring the woman down.

"You barge into my house and will very well take up most of my food and medicine." She retorts keeping her face straight as she points to our maneuver gear. "Put your swords outside. I'll help your friend, let you stay here, and put up my weapon if you all put your own weapons away."

I narrow my eyes at her.

"Is that all?"

"That's all."

I consider her for a moment longer, then nod my consent.

"Fine."

With that, I turn and leave, making my way back down the hall, my boots echoing off the walls. Just down the hallway Gunther waits, sitting up on his hands and he lets out a sigh as he sees me.

"Had me worried for a minute there. Everything alright?"

"Yeah… We found a place to stay and a doctor to fix you up."

Gunther raises an eyebrow at me but I don't bother to answer, instead I head to the front door to complete my part of the deal. After messing with the straps, I place the metal boxes containing all my titan killing swords on the grass outside and frown.

'_I'll h__ave to clean these later. Ground is going to make them filthy.'_

Petra and Eld follow my example moments later, laying their equipment plus Gunther's and Eren's beside mine. Once I head back inside, the woman is already at Gunther's side, helping him to lay as flat as he can on the minuscule couch.

"A laceration you say?" she asks, eyeing the crude green wrapping around his left leg.

"Yeah. Cut myself open like an idiot."

The woman stands then and walks back down the hall we were just in, disappearing into one of the left rooms. Not but a few seconds later she reappears again carrying a heavy cloth that looks like it could be used as a towel and a medium sized wooden box with one large handle for it to hang by.

"Lift your leg." She orders, taking her place beside Gunther again and slides the towel underneath him.

As she opens her box to fiddle around with whatever was inside, I take a place on the opposite side of the couch and lean leisurely against the furniture's plush arm near Gunther's head to watch. Something bugs the edges of my mind, and as I watch her begin to work, I clear my throat.

"Hey."

Everyone turns their heads toward me automatically but I keep my eyes trained on the woman.

"You seemed to accept our answers to your questions pretty easily. Why?"

The woman shrugs without looking up.

"I already knew the answers." She replies simply, pulling out squares of clean cloth from the wooden box beside her.

Her answer is not one that I was expecting to hear.

"Why do you say that?"

"She asked me the same questions Corporal."

I turn my ear to Eren's voice from where he looks at me, standing on the opposite side of the couch.

"When I went into the basement and she grabbed me, she asked me all those same questions. After that, she led me up stairs and made me call out for you."

"So you already knew what we were going to say?" I question the woman again, watching her carefully.

"I knew what I had hoped you were going to say."

"Then why waste our time with asking them again?"

She lifts her head to gaze at me.

"I had to make sure you were telling the truth. If you were lying, both of your answers would have been different. But as it were, you both answered the same way."

Her intelligence surprises me, even if it is a bit coy and underhanded.

"Pretty clever of you."

She shrugs her shoulders lazily.

"You can't be stupid and survive." is her only reply.

At that moment, the front door opens and Oluo steps in, smacking his neck, probably to kill an annoying insect.

"Get lost Oluo?" Petra chides, gazing back at the man over her shoulder, arms resting on the back of the couch next to Eld.

"No. I had to take a piss, remember?" the tan haired man replies, though the slight tinge upon his face tells otherwise. "And why is everyone's stuff out… Who the hell is that?"

Oluo lands a hard gaze upon the woman we are watching, making her stop to look up in the middle of threading a very thin length of twine through a needle.

"She lives here and is letting us stay until Gunther is healed." Eld answers. "She's fixing him up now."

Oluo lets out a disapproving grunt and strides over, throwing a sneer down on the woman.

"You're letting a complete stranger take care of Gunther? She doesn't even look impressive enough too…" *****_**OOF***_

"Don't insult her Oluo."Petra scolds him, withdrawing her elbow from his rib cage. "She's offered us a place to stay and is willing to heal Gunther."

"But what sort of crazy woman lives out in the middle of the woods in the middle of damn titan territory!?"

The woman stares right back at him.

"This one apparently."

Without waiting for a reply, she deftly slides the twine through the needle and sets them down before moving to grasp the ends of the crude wrapping on Gunther's leg.

"I apologize if this pains you." She tells him before gently untying the knot keeping the cloth together and softly begins to unravel the mantle shreds around his wound.

Gunther clenches his teeth slightly but says nothing, and when when it's exposed, I see that his wound is worse than I thought. Once bare, a long, deep slash greets our eyes. The injury curls from the back of his calf up and around to just past his shin. The entire length of it is swollen and blood encrusted, and even from where I stand I can smell the pungent scent of infection.

"Wet, dirty bandages are probably the worst thing you can do. But at least it stopped the bleeding." The woman says, pooling the soiled wrappings on the floor.

"It was the best I could do." Petra comments, looking tight faced.

The woman nods to let her know she heard her and busies herself with soaking a cloth square with some kind of liquid.

"This is going to sting, but the wound needs to be cleaned, badly."

"Alright." Gunther consents, letting out a hiss as she places the cloth upon the edge of his wound. "Damn that hurts!"

The woman whispers a bit apologetically but continues, soaking the cloth again every few inches. The liquid bubbles under her touch and the injury begins to bleed slowly again.

"This will dissolve all the dirt and whatever else has infested the wound. The bubbles are result of the solution sanitizing the area." The ginger explains, making her way slowly around the entire length of the cut.

After that, she stands and makes her way to the kitchen, plucking a clump of plant from the thread above the basin.

"It's not fresh, but I'll have to do until I find more." She says as she dips the plants into the basin, which I had not noticed had water in it, before coming back.

"This is yarrow." She says, placing the length of the plants right on over the slash. "They work best fresh, but soaking them should do the job for now."

Holding the plants in place with one hand, she turns once again to her box and pulls out a roll of long, inch wide cloth. Gingerly holding the end of the bandage in her plant hand, she slowly wraps it around the man's leg, securing the herb to the wound. After a few rounds, she removes her hand completely and swiftly binds it up snug.

"That should hold until tomorrow." She says, finishing up.

"Bout time, it's getting dark as hell in here." Oluo states with a huff, and indeed it was.

It's nearly night now, and the entire room is shadowed by growing darkness.

"I'll put out some candles."

Putting her healing supplies back in their box, the woman stands and starts to head to get some light, but she is stopped by Eren.

"What about the needle and twine?" he asks cautiously, to which the woman replies deftly.

"I decided against it. I need to get the infection under control first before I sew him up."

"Well it feels a tad bit better now." Gunther says, placing a hand carefully over the new wraps as he sits up.

"Good. Hopefully I can fully eradicate the infection tomorrow night. The sooner we get that taken care of, the sooner we can concentrate on healing you."

"Yeah…"

With nothing more to say, the woman once again disappears into the hall, reentering the left room again. It takes her a little longer to return this time, but when she does, she does with an arm full of candles.

"I trust this will be enough."

She lays down her burden upon the large table before standing again, heading to the dark fireplace. From the pocket of her pants she withdraws her knife again, flinging it open with a flick of her wrist. Then, grabbing a rock from within the empty hole in the wall she returns to the table, hovers the items in her hands close over the wick of one of the candles, then strikes them together, creating a shower of sparks. It takes a few tries, but eventually a candle takes light, and soon the entire room is filled with soft orange glow.

"It's dangerous lighting those on the table like that." Gunther says as the ginger returns the rock to its place in the fire pit.

"That table is covered in a thick layer of resin and wax. It won't ignite. The worst it could do is melt it if left there long enough."

The brown haired man nods and soon the room is quiet. Darkness had finally set in full, and exhaustion rests heavily on everyone.

Petra and Oluo look down on the back of the couch while Eren looks at the flame of his own candle. Eld and Gunther stare at respective places on the wall ahead of them, though neither of them look as if they actually see it.

With nothing to hold my interest, I slide my gaze upon the woman again. She sits in the rocking chair now, flame light illuminating her face, making her look young and old at the same time. She rocks slowly back and forth, eyes on the ground, the without a word, she stops.

"You think of your friends, don't you?" she whispers.

The question hangs, and no one answers verbally, though it is obvious that her guess was true.

"I send you condolences."

Everyone stays quiet.

More minutes go by without sound, the woman rocks, my team ponders, and I content myself with soaking up the silence. Who knew whether they were alive or not. Erwin is strong and perfectly capable of leading the others to safety, but anything can happen. No one is invincible. And as much as I would like to be optimistic, I'm to practical for that.

More than likely, some of the others are dead by now, killed hours ago even. Hell, the entire team could be dead. As much as I'd hate to admit it, the possibility is all too real. Whole squads have been killed before, many times over. Why was this any different?

And I can do nothing about it. How many have been lost for this failure of a mission? The familiar sickness of loss eats away at me, and all I see is visions of those damn monsters eating every one of my comrades. Deep in my own pondering, a rustle of fabric stirs me out of my thoughts as the woman stands, eyes cast to the side.

"If you're ready, I can escort you to where you all may sleep…" she mentions awkwardly, stirring my team from their respective dazes.

"Sounds good…"

Petra's is the only reply, but the woman nods and points into the hallway.

"There is a large bed in the room to the left, and three more smaller beds in the first room to the right."

Eld blinks and turns his eyes to me, the candle light shadowing the undersides of his eyes as if to accentuate his exhaustion.

"Corporal?"

I shrug.

"Do whatever you like."

With that, they all discuss among themselves and arrangements were made. Gunther would remain on the couch. Petra, Oluo, and Eren would take the three beds to the right, and I was given the large bed in the left room.

"Are you sure you're okay sleeping on a pallet Eld?" Gunther asks as the blond man in question waves him off, folding layers of blankets and sheets that the ginger woman had given him a few minutes prior into a cushion on the floor near the fireplace.

"I think I'll survive." Eld replies, letting out a sigh of relief as he lays back on his makeshift bed, arms behind his head.

"Thank you for letting us stay here." Eren calls to the woman from the door of the right room, Petra and Oluo already inside and climbing into bed.

I swear there is a tinge upon her cheeks as she answers him, though it could have just been a trick of the light.

"It is the least I can do."

"Still, you didn't have too…"

"I know."

Eren watches her for a second more, then seems to come to himself as if he didn't know he was staring. Muttering a quick 'Night', he turns and shuts the door behind him, leaving only the two of us. After a few moments of silence, the woman turns her head toward me, questioning.

"I'll go when I feel like it." I answer her unspoken question, taking a seat in her rocking chair.

I'm not anywhere near ready to attempt sleep just yet.

The woman watches me for a moment, clearly contemplating on saying something more, but in the end, she merely turns and treads quietly down the hall, closing the door to the second room to the left behind her.

Finally alone, I close my eyes and lean my head back against the chair. My body aches for sleep, but my mind runs wild. I see our mission from start to finish over and over, remembering every agonizing second, every fear filled face, heard every scream…

'_Every scream…'_

***Authors Note***

_**UPDATED**__** 10-14: Fixed minor grammar errors and tense errors.**_

Another short chapter. Uggh. Just a quick note to say that, after this, I plan on uploading one chapter a week, unless I'm feeling awfully inspired or whatever. So until then, leave a review with your comments and opinions. Thank you! C:


	3. Unanswered Questions

Chapter 3:

**Unanswered Questions**

Sleep must have snuck up on me, because when I reopen my eyes, the room around me is light with morning glow. Blinking the sleep from my eyes, I sit up and rub my neck, wincing slightly at the ache in it. Sleeping in that chair was a bad idea, and standing up only heeds to make me aware that my entire body is a mess of aches and pains.

'_This is ridiculous…'_

Careful not to wake Gunther or Eld, I silently slip through the room and head outside. Soft sunshine glistens everywhere, every plant and blade of grass is covered in drops of morning dew.

Groaning slightly, I take a moment to stretch out my muscles, squinting at the sore pull in some of them. Yesterday took more out of me than I thought, though it isn't that surprising. I've come to grow use to the ritual after all these years, and with the serene scene around me, it's tempting to believe that all those troubles are ages away.

With I sigh I tug at the hem of my jacket, scowling at the dirt and numerous wrinkles that now speckle the fabric.

'_Tch. And I don't have a damn thing to change into either.'_

I decide to let the issue go for now, there isn't much I can do about it anyway, and start walking around to the far side of the house where we have the horses tethered to an empty clothes line. Before I even round the corner, I can already hear movement on the other side and the sound of someone talking in a hushed voice. Turning, I'm not at all surprised to see the ginger haired woman with brush in hand, speaking softly to the animals as she grooms them.

She is too busy in her task to notice me, and only when I'm a few feet away does she glance to the side and jump faintly at my sudden appearance and her hand flies to the collar of her shirt.

"I… didn't see you there." She says as she regains herself, looking embarrassed at the notion that I had startled her.

I refuse to answer her and instead lean myself against the side wall of the house.

"You got up to tend to our horses?"

She shrugs, running her brush through a brown mane.

"I woke up early." She states simply. "And I enjoy their company."

I nod slightly as she turns her back to me to continue her task, and I busy myself with studying her.

It was difficult trying to see any detail about her yesterday as it was dark the entire time, but now that she is in the light, I see that she is indeed as short as I thought. She'd changed from wearing that hideously oversized shirt and jeans into a nice tan blouse and a long, dark green skirt that is more fitting for a woman. Her hair, which is pretty much as ginger and bright as I assumed it would be, is tied back in a loose ponytail, though it is short and strands stand astray in every direction. Her skin is obviously fair, though the tops of her arms have a slight tan to them, and freckles dot her here and there.

When she turns to work on de-tangling a tail, her full appearance comes into light. Slanting bangs frame her face, and her cheeks and nose have a slight dusting of light freckles. Her nose and mouth are small, just like the rest of her, and her almond shaped eyes are a light shade of blue. I'm a bit intrigued by how childish her features are.

She works deftly and silently now that I'm here, but after a minute or two, she looks at me, hands brushing the horse's muzzle affectionately.

"Do you always tether your horses in this way?"

I lift my head a little at her question.

"While out on missions."

The woman blinks, slight confusion etching her features.

"Why?"

"What sort of dumb ass question is that?" I reply curtly, narrowing my eyes.

She physically recoils from my language and turns fully toward me.

"It isn't dumb. All I wish to know is why you keep them tethered. Are they not trained?"

"Of course they are. All of our horses go through training before they are assigned to a soldier, and we tether them so they don't wander away. What does training have to do with anything?"

"I was just under the assumption that the Military trained their horses to know when to stay. It's simple enough for them to learn." She explains, half way done with grooming the final horse.

"No, we don't. They are trained to come when we whistle for them, but not stay in one place. What do you know of all that anyway? You know how to train horses?" I retort a bit sarcastically to which she simply nods with a hint of something like pride on her face.

"I do. I have a horse of my own."

I raise a brow.

"Really?"

"Yes. I'll call him for you if you would like."

It wouldn't have mattered if I wanted to say no, because she doesn't give me any time to answer. Without stopping her brushing, she turns her head and whistles a short tune into the woods; a slow, low note, then two quick high notes.

A few seconds later, the thud of hooves against earth come to my ears, and then, emerging from the trees right behind her comes the largest horse I have ever seen.

Standing taller than six feet, I'm sure, is a beast of an animal. Every part of it is solid muscle from its gray body to its white legs… Even its neck is curved and thick.

The woman breaks out into a smile and lifts her hand up to pet the creature's broad muzzle, large, dark eyes blinking down on her. At her touch, the horse quivers, lowering its massive head to rest it on her shoulder, though doing so must be uncomfortable considering the thing is so damn tall and the woman so short. The horse seems to exude strength as it nuzzles its owner, padding the ground with a large, oddly fur covered hoof.

With a loud pat to its sturdy neck, the woman turns back to me, eyes alight.

"This is Stonewall." She introduces, running her fingers over the stallion's rough coat.

I can't help myself as I answer her, staring at the animal with a slight awe.

"Your horse is a monster."

She lets out a small laugh, "He is a bit large, isn't he?" she says, rubbing Stonewall's neck with one hand while grooming our final horse with the other.

I cross my arms, contemplating the pair before me.

"Do you have a pasture?"

"No." she replies. "I never tether him, and he comes and goes as he pleases. I trained him to come when I call, and stay within whatever area I tell him to stay in. That is why I inquired you about your horse's training earlier."

With a final pat, the woman withdraws her hand and the stallion lifts its head, dark eyes staring at me. It holds me there for a moment without moving as if watching me, then, with a huff and shake of its head, it turns and trots back into the woods.

"Well, I guess that will suffice for now."

Finishing up her chore, the woman starts to walk around the horses toward me and tosses her brush into a small, empty basket by the wall.

"There is a bag of carrots in the far left cabinet if you want to feed your horses. I gave them each two a piece this morning, but I didn't know whether you and your companions had a preference on your horse's feed."

She brushes the bangs from her face and dusts some loose horse hair from her skirt.

"After I grab my shoes, I'm going out in search of fresh yarrow for your friend Gunther. I should not be long." She tells me. "Is there anything you wish for me to find for you? Or keep an eye out for perchance?"

I regard her coolly before replying.

"No."

The woman nods slightly, and she looks at the ground, scuffing her bare feet on the grass. I guess she is waiting on me to say something else, but when I don't she turns and walks a few paces, looking at me over her shoulder.

"Well… I guess I'll be off then." She says awkwardly, and when I once again don't reply, she hurriedly makes her way around the corner and out of my sight.

I don't follow her for a long time. I feel no desire to head back inside and be assaulted by questions from my squad on what we should do next. I honestly had no idea. Until Gunther is well enough to travel again, none of us are going anywhere.

I sigh and lean my head against the stone house, frustrated at the fact that we are no more than sitting ducks right now, with nothing to do and nowhere to go. I close my eyes and stay leaned up against the wall for a long time, letting my mind run and wander as it pleases.

It isn't until the morning dew has long since evaporated and the sun is beginning to grow hot on my face that I leave and re-enter the house.

Inside, it seems everyone besides Oluo are awake; Gunther sits up in the couch chatting idly with Eld while Petra and Eren stand in the kitchen watching the ginger woman do something on the counter. I had no idea she had come back so soon.

"You just crush it up like that?" Eren's voice sounds as he watches the woman work.

"Yes. You can make yarrow into a tea to treat fever, but for bleeding and infection, you mash it into a pulp like so." She replies, reaching up into a cabinet to take out a small plate.

"That's amazing." Eren comments, to which Petra nods. "It is. I had no idea you can use plants this way."

"There are a number of uses you can implement if you are willing to learn." The woman smiles, scooping the greenish mush onto the plate before walking to round the couch and sets it on the table.

"May I see your leg?" she asks Gunther, kneeling down beside him.

"Sure. Go right ahead."

Shifting a little, they manage to lay his leg back down on the towel she had last night and begins to remove the wraps. The gash has not healed at all, but it looks loads better already. Peeling off the old yarrow stalks, the wound underneath it shines a bit with water and juice. Most of the swelling and redness of infection is gone, and it doesn't smell anymore.

"Much better..." The woman mutters to herself, carefully moving the brown haired man's leg to examine the injury. "I had not expected the dried stalks to work so wonderfully, but it's just as well they had. Perhaps we will be able to start healing you by nightfall. One can hope."

"I sure hope so." Gunther replies with a chuckle. "I'm sick of sitting around doing nothing already."

"Well you still have more of that to do." The ginger tells him, giving him a look. "But perhaps we can arrange something to occupy your mind as the time passes."

Gunther chuckles again as the woman applies the yarrow to his wound in smooth, gentle strokes.

"Sounds good. Gloomy air just kills me."

"Of course. Mood affects healing just as well as any herb. 'A good laugh and a long rest are the two best cures for anything'."

"Where did you hear that?" Eld asks from his place a few feet away, watching the woman with great interest.

"It's an old saying." The woman responds, "But it holds much truth to it."

"I like it." Petra says, resting her chin on her arms on the back of the couch.

"But does mood really affect how you heal?" Eren asks earnestly. "I thought they were just feelings."

"They are…" the woman answers, now wrapping a fresh bandage around Gunther's leg. "But how you feel affects everything in your body. Have you ever felt so lost or dejected that you had no will to eat or move? Instead you contented yourself with wallowing in your misfortune?"

Eren gives her a slight nod, as does everyone else.

"Just as negative feelings can drag you down, positive feelings can bring you up. A happy heart makes a happy body. It gives you the strength to fight back, to recover. A dejected spirit destroys itself; that is why when some choose to drown themselves in their sorrow though drinking or the like, it pulls them downward until they have nothing left, then they die."

Her words could not be any more true. I remember back many, many years ago, back to the days where the only world I knew had been the underground city. That place had no hope at all, and it was common occurrence to find the corpses of those who had lost the will to live, surrounded by their bottles of alcohol or whatever the hell they wished to kill themselves with.

All is quiet as she finishes, stuffing the end of the bandage into place and stands, resting her medical box on her hip.

"I'll change that later on tonight. Until then, I am sure you all wish to clean yourselves up."

"Oh yes, please. I just cannot stand these clothes any longer." Petra says, standing in slight excitement at the prospect of bath.

"I'm sure." The woman says, then points toward the back of the house. "There is a path just beyond that leads to a small lake. It is a bit of a walk, but the trail is clear and flat. Give me a moment and I'll give you a towel and some soap root to take with you."

"I claim first!" Petra exclaims as the woman leaves, and soon, everyone is arguing about who should go next. "Oluo will just have to go last, the lazy pig." Petra huffs, throwing a condescending look at the door where the man still sleeps.

"What about me?" Gunther interjects with a look of dejection. "It's not like I can get up and walk down there, and I will NOT sit here covered in blood and sweat."

Eld laughs and nudges the other man.

"Maybe you can persuade Petra to give you a wash?" he says, to which Petra gasps.

"Eld!" she says reproachfully, looking about ready to hit him.

"Shut your mouth Eld… That's my future wife you're talking about." Comes a gruffly voice as Oluo finally emerges from his hideout, yawning and rubbing his hand over his ruffled hair.

Petra turns and crosses her arms.

"I am not your wife Oluo."

Oluo merely shrugs his shoulders, yawning again.

"Whatever you say."

"Don't tell me you're about to kill each other over a couple baths…"

I turn my attention to the voice as the ginger haired woman appears from the hallway holding a basket full of folded cloth towels and several oddly shaped roots.

"No. Petra just gets embarrassed whenever Oluo calls her his wife." Eren tells her, smiling, to which Petra nearly screams.

"I am not married to that pig!"

"Oi Petra, that stings…" Oluo looks at her, a hurt expression on his face, to which the auburn haired woman ignores, taking a towel and lump of root from the basket.

"Just behind the house?" she asks, to which the woman nods.

"About a half mile walk from here. There is a shallow end near the left. Just take the root and crush it up when you're ready to wash."

"Alright, and thank you again." Petra thanks her, turning and almost runs to the door, shutting it behind she is gone, Eren casts his eyes to me, questioning.

"You were awfully quiet Corporal." the teen states.

I just blink, expression bored.

"Not my problem."

"Well I still have a problem…." Gunther slides in, gazing up at the ginger woman. "Is there a way I can get cleaned up here?"

"I can fill up a large trough with water for you. It's outside, but it's stored upside down so it stays clean. Someone can assist you to and fro."

Gunther grunts, "Guess that's the best I'll get."

"Alright, I shall get it started for you." The woman says and heads for the door.

"You need help?" Eld asks, but the woman shakes her head.

"No thank you. I can manage on my own." She tells him. "It will be a while to fill it up all the way, so help yourselves to the cabinets. There are carrots, potatoes, and I think a handful of fruit along with a sack of dried meat in the far right one."

Oluo grunts and immediately starts rummaging through her stores, muttering, "Great. I'm about to starve to death."

"Do you really have no manners Oluo?" Gunther calls over the back of the couch as Oluo stuffs a piece of meat in his mouth, making the brown haired man shake his head. "Barbaric."

With nothing else to say, the woman leaves, and the room in thrown into silence save for Oluo's munching. Gunther sighs and rests his head back, casting a glance at me.

"I'm sorry 'bout this Corporal."

I shift my focus on him.

"What do you have to apologize for?"

Gunther shrugs and rubs his wounded leg with a bit of regret.

"I messed up and nearly got killed. Now you're all stuck waiting on me to heal."

At his words, I instantly hit him with a glare, making him flinch.

"NEVER apologize for surviving," I burn him, molding my words slowly. "Got it?"

"Yes sir." He replies in a hushed voice, eyes on the ground.

I fold my arms and turn to stare out the window from which I can just barely see the woman attach some kind of harness with buckets built in onto her giant of a horse.

"If there is one thing you should never feel sorry about is living to see another day." I continue in a hushed voice, watching the woman idly.

"You're right." Gunther replies, and lifts his head to watch the same window I am.

"How do you think she ended up here?" Eld asks after a moment as the woman disappears from our view.

"Cause she's crazy…" Oluo spits out, taking a seat in the rocking chair roughly, a handful of dried meat in his hand. "Who cares how she got here. She's crazy and that's all that matters. A titan is gonna eat her up eventually."

Eld frowns at him, "It is a bit crazy, but there must be a reason. It doesn't look like she lives here with any family…"

"Maybe she did, and she's the only one left?" Gunther adds solemnly.

"Wouldn't she have left then?" Eren says, thinking. "That still doesn't explain why she's here in the first place. She's lived here for a while…."

I turn my head to him.

"How do you know?"

"Well," he begins, "There is a lot of stuff in the basement from what I saw, and in the room Petra, Oluo and I are using, there are a few bookcases just filled with books. And the dressers are filled with all kinds of clothes…"

Oluo nearly chokes on his jerky and pounds his chest while giving the kid a sly grin.

"You raided her drawers, kid?" he says, which instantly turns Eren straight pink all over.

"N… No! Of course not!" he stutters, stiff as a board. "I would never go through a woman's drawers!"

Oluo scoffs and laughs, "Whatever you say kid…"

At that the topic is dropped as the men ramble about everything from women to how they broke their arm trying to climb a tree when they were younger. The mystery of the previous question has left them easily enough, but not for me.

I mull it in my head over and over… I am puzzled by it, by the woman herself. By all logic and reason I can come up with, there IS no reason for her to be here, yet here she is apparently living a normal life in a crook in the woods. How is that even possible?

The dense forest is natural protection from the monsters laying in wait outside, but surely it isn't one hundred percent effective. Some must make their way in sometimes, more than likely just scrawny 5 meter classes. But how does she protect herself? Does she hide? Where? And the land outside the walls has not seen human habitation for over a century yet here she lives in a sturdy house filled with personal belongings. Where did she get them? How did she manage to bring them here herself?

Nothing makes sense, none of it. There is just no way for it to be possible. If titans have the strength to break through solid walls, how the hell does she manage to survive outside of them on her own?

'_The woman is hiding something, that I'm damn sure of…'_

Time passes uneventfully for a while, Oluo and Gunther do most of the talking with Eld and Eren watching on, commenting every now and again. Petra returns soon enough, hair damp but wearing a blissful smile on her face.

"I don't think I've ever been so happy with a bath..." She smiles wistfully, rubbing her hair with her towel.

Eld looks around for a moment then stands, picking up a towel and root of his own from the basket from where the ginger woman had left it on the floor.

"Guess I'm next." He says, then heads out, causing Oluo to sit up in his chair.

"Wait! When do I get a turn!?"

"When everyone else is finished." Petra says, chiding him. "You should have gotten up earlier if you wanted to go sooner."

"How was I supposed to know!? You're so cruel Petra…" Oluo whines.

"Oh I think you'll live…" is all Petra replys him with, taking Eld's place on the couch beside Gunther.

And so that is how the next hour or so passes by; talk and more talk. Eren goes next after Eld's return and, after numerous attempts to give me the next go, I let Oluo leave after him.

The ginger haired woman appears and disappears numerous times in the window from where she goes back and forth fetching water, though I can only guess from where. At least she has the decency to fetch it somewhere else other than her little lake, else Eld, Eren and Oluo would have come back in a rush complaining about a peeping tom.

Soon enough, though, she finishes and enters the house, interrupting Eren and Gunther's game of Slap.

"The basin is ready for you Gunther." She calls from the door.

At her voice, Gunther sighs and puts down his cards.

"It was just getting good too." He mutters, but folds up the deck of cards in its box, Eren placing it back in the drawer of the small wood carving table where he had found them earlier.

"Would you like me to assist you?" the woman offers from the open door.

"I can help him." Eren eagerly jumps in. "If that's alright with you Gunther."

The wounded man just shrugs.

"Works for me. As long as SOMEONE helps me."

Eren nods and quickly walks around the table to help Gunther stand, throwing the brown haired man's arm around his neck to help support him

"It's just this way." The woman leads, holding the door as Gunther gingerly hops his way out.

Not long after they exit, Oluo returns, a satisfied look on his face.

"Well you're up next Corporal." He states, plopping heavily onto the couch, drying his hair.

'_Guess I'll go.'_

I really have no desire if I'm honest with myself. Thoughts are too heavy in my head, questions without answers, and I want to get to the bottom of it all. Nothing frustrates me more than not knowing, and this mysterious woman is killing me.

But even with all this pent up frustration, I stand and without reply grab a root and towel and head out the door.

Walking around to the back of the house, Eren and the woman are just now getting Gunther to the basin. She tells him something about 'Keeping the wound as dry as possible' as she messes with the wrappings on his leg. I pass them by without comment and make my way into the woods, following a thin but worn down path.

Soon there is nothing but the sound of leaves rustling and the occasional bird as I make my way through the winding trail. Just as the woman said, about a half mile in the trees break and a body of water appears before me.

It's not large, but not small, fed by a nice sized creek just to my right. Sunlight dances on the lakes surface, glittering in time with the ripples.

Stepping off the path, I make way to the left and find that side to be surprisingly shallow, water washing lazily against the grassy bank and a good number of large rocks line the border of it almost like a natural shelf.

With an instinctual glance to both of my sides to insure I am alone, I place my soap root on the stone nearest me and undress. I recoil slightly from the lake's coldness as I step in, but soon I grow used to the temperature and step in up to my chest, silently relishing the feeling of water on my body.

_'It really is quite nice…'_ I muse, and sink further in until the water kisses my neck.

For a moment, I lean my head back and just let it float, a hushed hum sounding in my ears as water covers them.

It's easy to forget where I am when relaxing like this; easy to believe that titans and death don't exist here. But they do.

Erwin's face comes to my mind, and soon, everyone's faces appear, both alive and dead, destroying any illusion of peace I have. The most prominent face of all those to appear is one of a woman, a fair, freckled face framed by ginger hair.

My eyes snap open.

'_There is something she isn't telling us.'_ I ponder, lifting my head out of the water to stand again. _'She's made no mention of why she is here. No mention of her family. No history. No motive… Nothing. Hell, I just realize now that she never even told us her name.'_

At that, I turn at stare back the way I had come as if I can see the house beyond. Cool determination hardens my features.

_'One way or another, I'll get the information out of her.'_

With a low scoff, I retreat from my daze and busy myself with crushing my root into soap. It takes a minute to do so, and several times longer to clean myself of every speck of dirt and sweat. By the time I finish, the sun is high in the sky bearing it's heat down on my head. After stepping out to dry myself, I get redressed, cringing at the stiffness of the soiled clothes, and make my way back.

From what I can tell, Gunther is still in the middle of washing himself, and I quickly swerve to go around the other side of the house to give him some privacy. Throwing my damp towel around my neck, I head inside and immediately smell the beginnings of a meal.

Everyone is inside doing some kind of work. A nice pile of potatoes rest on the large table in front of the couch where Eld and Eren are peeling them; Petra stands by the kitchen counter, the sound of knife hitting wood greeting me as she cuts up carrots; and the woman sits in the rocking chair, a large open bag in her lap, swiftly and skillfully shelling peas. Oluo stands in the entrance of the hallway, fingering over a new maroon shirt.

"Not bad." He says walking over to Petra, grabbing a knife and bundle of carrots of his own.

At the sound of my entrance, the woman lifts her head.

"Welcome back. There is a change of clothes for you in the first door to the right. Yours lays on the large dresser next to the bookcases. Just leave your towel in the corner with the others. I'll fetch for them later." She says as I finally take notice that everyone is in a new change of clothes.

All the men pretty much wear slight variants of the same outfit; light button up shirts with trousers, while Petra dawns a blouse and skirt similar to what the woman wears.

Without a word, I make my way into the room and shut the door, ready to be out of this filthy uniform. The room is simple and without decoration much like the main rooms. To my left, three beds line the walls pretty much end to end, interrupted only by two small dressers. Beside them to the right in the farthest corner, bordering three large bookcases, stands a large dresser with a stack of neatly folded clothes, just like she said.

Without wasting time, I grab the garments and quickly change, letting out a mental sigh at the feel of clean, sweat free clothes against my skin. It is nothing special, just a pair of tan trousers and a light weight white shirt just a tad too large, but it is a relief nevertheless.

Brushing a hand through my drying hair, I grab my soiled towel to throw it in the floor, but stop.

Out of slight curiosity, I take in the contents of the bookcases in front of me; wooden, just like everything else, and filled end to end with numerous titles that I scan idly with my eyes. 'The History of Nations', 'Letters of the Century', 'Leader', 'Real Stories of the Great War'… None of these titles make much sense to me, but frankly I don't really care. The entire first bookcase is filled with nothing but historical texts in all sizes, colors, thickness, and subject.

'_Boring enough.'_ I think bluntly to myself, turning my attention to the next case.

This one is not nearly as full, but still holds a variety of tomes among other things. Small, empty vases sit on several shelves along with useless nick-knacks and other junk. A single, lonely doll made of yarn smiles blankly at me from above, arm slung over a small stack of books. These differ greatly from their neighbors in that they are works of fiction with names such as 'The Two Towers', 'A Clash of Kings', and 'Chronicles of Narnia'.

'_Rubbish. What use is made up stories?' _I growl before moving on.

The last case holds even less literature than the previous ones, but even then, the small number of books grouped together on the top shelf are pristine; bound and placed with its brothers with obvious care.

Oddly enough, all are written by the same author, a woman by the name of Generva Connor. Intrigued, I carefully take one off the shelf and hold it for a moment. 'A Child Named Bird' is small, bound by a simple brown jacket, and its pages are yellowing parchment, the novel written in elegant script in neat, delicate rows.

I don't read it, but I can't help but feel its weight. It's obvious it's a personal script, the kind you write to send in and get published into decent volumes. Had the woman written this? I doubt it. The pages are to aged and the script to fine to have been written recently.

With a final glance and slight urging from my stomach, I place it back in its spot by the others, hunger making itself known.

'I c_an't even remember the last time I had eaten. Yesterday morning?'_

Perhaps, and waking up without a cup of coffee or hot tea makes it that much harder. Tossing my towel on top of the small pile of others on the floor along with my filthy uniform, I head back to the others.

"Get lost Corp?" Gunther jibes from the couch as I return, now fresh and clean.

"Tch."

Gunther laughs and gives a half-assed apologetic smile.

"Just wondering was all. You were in there a while."

Conceding to not answer him, I fold my arms and lean against the wall since every other chair is taken. Most everyone is relaxing now aside from the woman who crouches in front of the lit fireplace, a large cauldron boiling in its heat.

"It won't be anything extraordinary, but it will suffice." She says, stirring the mixture with a wooden ladle.

"Anything sounds good right now. We're all starving." Gunther says gratefully.

"Yeah. I don't think I've ever been so hungry." Petra sighs, resting a hand on her abdomen, earning a soft chuckle from the ginger haired woman.

"Well you won't have to wait much longer." She says, lifting a spoonful of broth carefully to gaze at it before pouring it back in.

With food on everyone's minds and the growing smell of stew in the air, all falls quiet aside from the faintest whisper of humming coming from the woman that I'm sure I'm the only one close enough to hear. Nothing happens until the woman stands a good time later.

"I believe it is ready." She says much to everyone's relief, gently gliding past me to fetch a stack of plain bowls and spoons from the cabinet, individually handing them out.

"'Bout time. I call first!" Oluo announces, jumping up from where he sits against the wall and scurries over to the pot, pouring a generous amount into his bowl.

"Hey! Leave some for us Oluo!" Petra spouts mortified, dashing up to be next in line.

Soon everyone save Gunther is on their feet, jousting position to get their own share of broth. The woman watches on, filling Gunther's bowl for him, to which the man thanks her gratefully.

Unwilling to fight my now childish squad, I go last, spooning a couple ladles worth into my own bowl as everyone digs in.

"Not the best thing I've ever tasted, but it beats plain jerky." Oluo sputters, savoring his share with rare enthusiasm.

"Oh, there is jerky in there as well, though I regret that it isn't fresh. It would have turned out better if I had." The woman replies, taking a sip.

"It's still amazing." Eren smiles toward her, sitting with his back against the side of the couch next to Eld.

"It really is." The blond says, also sliding a small smile at her. "You've been very generous with us."

The woman turns her head away in embarrassment, muttering, "I only do what I know must be done. I'm not in the habit of letting anything starve."

"But it's more than that." Petra and, gratitude on her features. "It's for everything."

Eren nods.

"You've given us food, clean clothes, and a place to stay." He says, earnest. "You didn't have to but you did it anyway. We're all grateful to you. Thanks."

The woman brushes her hair of her eyes with a small hand, glancing up at him.

"You have no need to thank me…"

"But we do, and we want to." Gunther nods slightly, gesturing to our group. "We'd be lost, dirty, and hungry as hell if it weren't for you. And I would be up a creek with this leg of mine, but you've volunteered to help with that too…"

He stops for a moment, a thoughtful look on his face.

"You know, we've been sitting here bothering you for a whole day now and we never even bothered to ask you your name…"

At that, everyone lifts their heads, and a similar look coming across all of them except for me. Everyone was so concentrated on worrying, and the fact that they were pretty much doomed out here yet still alive, that the thought of the woman who was caring for them having a name never crossed their mind.

"I'm sorry." Petra mutters finally, breaking the awkward silence. "We've been so rude!"

The woman waves the comment away with her hand.

"It's alright. There have been things of more urgent matter than my name." she responds, setting her half empty bowl down on the floor so she can mess with the tie in her hair.

"Still…" Petra whispers, Eld finishing her statement. "We'd like to know."

All ears turn toward the woman as she looks up at all of us who have eaten her food and taken up residence in her home so abruptly. With a final tug, her hair tie comes apart, and shiny dark ginger locks fall to rest just on the top of her shoulders, long sweeping bangs framing her eyes as she calmly answers them. My ears strain to hear her words.

"My name is Avian." She says simply.

***Authors Note***

_**UPDATED 10-14:**__**Fixed minor grammar errors and reworded phrases.**_**  
**

Well it's about time. What an odd name too... Anywho, hope you've enjoyed this newest chapter cause it was a doosie to write. Make sure to leave your thoughts and comments in a review, because reviews are my life blood and I need 'em oAo Until next time!

-Ambi


	4. The Storm

Chapter 4:

**The Storm**

"My name is Avian." She says simply.

Her words bounce off the walls unaltered for a moment in silence, then Gunther smiles.

"Glad to meet you Avian."

She blinks in an almost hesitant surprise, then smiles back at him.

"I am glad to meet you too Gunther."

The room is smiles all around, and it's amazing to see how one small piece of information can influence relationship dynamics so quickly. No longer was she a mysterious woman that bestowed generosity on weary and lost soldiers.

The squad conversed and laughed with this young woman in such a way that they could have been mistaken for good friends. And perhaps, they were now…

It's hard to describe the type of bond that forms between a rescuer and the rescued. Once the realization of having your life saved comes to light, a level of trust blossoms unlike any other bond you can forge. It envelops the body and your entire outlook on said person changes to that of unconditional gratitude that is expressed through every action and movement and word.

And now, watching my team smiling and talking to this ginger haired woman of whom they've only known for a day, evidence of this special bond is clearly made known.

"So Avian, tell us a little about yourself." Petra states eagerly.

Avian looks up at her after swallowing the last of her stew, setting the empty bowl on the ground beside her.

"There isn't much to tell."

"Awww come on, there has to be something!" Petra urges. "Have you always lived here?"

"I have."

"How?" Eren interjects, leaning forward from this place beside the couch to watch her. "Don't titans get in?"

"You mean the giants? Rarely. Very small ones penetrate the tree line every once in a while, but it's very infrequent."

"Don't they attack you?" the brown haired teen asks.

"They never get the chance to." Avian states matter-of-factly.

"Do you hide somewhere?"

Avian nods, "In the basement."

"How do you know when they are coming though?" Petra questions, tilting her head slightly. "There are so many trees you can hardly see a thing."

Avian lets out a small smile.

"The trees are exactly how I know they are near. This forest is so dense with trees that any giants that manage to find their way in do so with an entourage of noise. Not only that, but in such a packed environment, sound bounces off everything, and can travel a surprising distance away. Such a distance that by the time the giant may happen upon my home, I've already locked myself downstairs fifteen minutes prior. It's a wonder really…" she muses.

"Wow… I never knew you could use trees like that…" Eren gapes as Eld rests his head on fist.

"So you never have to fight or defend yourself?"

"Never. The best way to negotiate an ill event is to avoid it altogether." She replies, to which Eld nods in agreement.

"Makes since." He says, "But still, you've lived here all this time without being killed? And alone?"

At that Avian looks down at floor, silence permeating the room for a moment, then replies almost with a whisper, "I wasn't always alone."

The air gains sudden weight in the span of that one statement, and everyone's attention, including mine, changes. We all knew the meaning behind her subdued answer, but no one knew what to say after that, and so an awkward, heavy quiet rests; Avian continues to look at the ground, Eren stares at something only he can see, and Petra, Oluo and Eld exchange a knowing, sympathetic look.

We are no strangers to death; it greets us openly and with great fever on every mission. But its sting is something that never goes away, even with me.

After many years of watching my close friends and comrades get slaughtered in front of me, I've learned to bury it, subdue the sickness in my body until it is only a dull ache, but it's still there, deep inside. And for the briefest of moments, I can't help but ponder on just how Avian's companions died. It's a morbid game of guess were each answer is as horrible as the last, and no one volunteers to alleviate the dense atmosphere for a long time.

At long last, there is a shuffle of fabric as Avian situates herself better against the wall, lifting her head to gaze at us.

"So what of you all?" she says, breaking the silence and making everyone come out of their collective daze. "What is it that you do?"

Gunther recovers first, looking slightly thankful at the new topic.

"We're all part of what's called the Recon Corps. Our job is to perform missions outside of the walls in titan controlled areas."

"Like your mission to repair the wall." Avian states, and Gunther nods.

"Right. We're the station that interacts with them the most, aside from the Garrison who defend the walls."

Avian's ears perk.

"There are different stations?"

"Three actually." Gunther starts, Petra taking over for him. "There are three different stations, each with their own specific jobs." She says, "The Recon Corps, like Gunther said, run missions outside of the walls and occasionally perform experiments and research on captured titans. The Garrison are assigned to protect the walls and keep titans from breaking in using defensive cannons. Lastly, The Military Police, work exclusively inside the innermost wall, Wall Sina, to protect and serve the king as well as uphold the law. Only the top ten from every fresh batch of recruits have the option to join them."

"Interesting." Avian nods, absorbing it all in. "I'd love to know more about your city and this king of yours. He must be very skilled to have obtained such rank."

Petra blinks. "Beg pardon?"

"Skilled? Skilled in what?" Gunther questions, a confused look on his face.

Avian turns to him, brows slightly knitted.

"Killing the giants. Surely he must be expertly trained and highly respected to achieve such high honor?"

Both Petra and Gunther look at each other somewhat reproachfully as Oluo suddenly chips in, leaning forward in the rocking chair.

"Tch. Trained!? Bet the king has never even seen a titan before, much less know how to kill the damn things." He scoffs.

"Then how is he king if not by skill?"

"By blood." Eren slips in quickly, accompanied by Eld. "The king is chosen from the royal bloodline, usually from father to son, though I believe there has been mention of queens ruling alone."

Avian nods, understanding coming over her features.

"I see now. I should have known. I apologize for my ignorance."

"You've nothing to be sorry for. You didn't know." Eld consoles her. "We only know because that is what we were taught."

"I see. Did you all go to schools….?" Avian asks, and so the conversation went on, along with the passing of days.

After learning of her name, everyone's relationship eased with her, and vise versa. Much time was spent with Avian asking questions about everything from our families, hobbies, the social structure inside the walls, what we ate, our experiences during training, different missions we've been on… even going as far as to ask us to show her how to use our maneuver gear.

Many days Eld and Eren would explain to her all the different parts to the machines, and at her request, Petra allowed the ginger to try it out, attaching the barbs into nearby trees to where Avian hung barely above the ground, just like they did in training. It was amusing at first, since the woman is inexperienced and the harness straps are a tad big on her small frame. As expected, her first several attempts to stay upright ended with her upside down or desperately grasping the wires to keep from spinning wildly. Surprisingly, the woman caught on quickly, and by the third day of 'training' she hangs and moves with ease without losing equilibrium.

"Well would you look at that," Gunther utters from the doorway, watching the lesson from where he leans against the threshold, a makeshift crutch under his left arm. "To be honest, you got the hang of it pretty quick."

Avian smiles as she swings lazily back and forth from the harness.

"Just had to find balance." She says.

Oluo scoffs and looks away.

"It's not that impressive. You can balance without your ass being in the air, so what?" he says, earning him a swift rebuking.

"Oluo!" Gunther retorts, frowning heavily at the man. "Must you always be so vulgar."

"What!?" The tan haired man snaps, turning to look at him with a face of disapproval. "It's true. It's basic ass stuff she's doing here. You want impressive? Let me know when she makes her first solo kill. In fact, let her come with us on our next mission and see if she survives. THAT'LL be impressive."

"Oluo!"

This time Petra clouts him with a stare like death.

"You are so infuriating! If you aren't going to help or do SOMETHING positive then go back inside!" she yells, fists clenched, which sets Oluo off even more.

"Watch your mouth woman. If you think you can order me around then you can come here and kiss my…"

"ENOUGH!"

My voice shakes everyone into silence.

"Oluo. Inside. Go wash the dishes or something until you calm down. I don't care."

I bore my gaze into him and the man instantly shrinks in size and sulks away, knowing better than to defy my orders. Once he brushes past Gunther with a huff, I turn my eyes to Petra.

"Petra, let her down. That's enough playing around."

The amber eyed woman looks as if she wants to say something, then obviously thinks better of it, motioning for Eren and Eld to help Avian, who is stone faced and quiet, down. Without another word, everyone heads back inside in silence so there is only me and the sound of leaves rustling as I let out an exasperated sigh and lean back against the side of the house.

'_What's wrong with me. I never lose my cool like that.'_

But I know exactly what was wrong. Nothing but frustration has built up inside of me the past few days. Though Gunther's wound is healing rapidly and remarkably well thanks to Avian's constant nursing, the urge to make our next step eats away at me.

Almost a week has passed by and we were still stuck here with nothing to do except play stupid card games with rounds of questions in between. How long will we have to hide here?

'_Damn it…'_

I never was a patient man. The last thing I want to do is laze around waiting for something to happen. As soon as Gunther is able, we are all getting the hell out of here.

For the briefest of moments, Avian's situation comes to my mind. What would she do once we leave? She refuses to say much of anything about her personal life or her past, but it's obvious that once we leave, she'll be alone again. Much to my surprise, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Something about leaving a lone woman in the woods to fend for herself while we make our way back to our fortified walls rubs me the wrong way.

But what could we do? She makes her living here, however the hell she does it… and what would she do if she came with us? How? We only have four horses and six people for them to carry all the way back to Wall Rose. I'd be next to impossible for my squad to make it back in one piece, not including a defenseless, untrained civilian in tow. What to do, what to do…

"On the other hand, she doesn't seem to trust us enough to tell us about herself so we might as well leave the cryptic woman to her damn mysteries." I mutter darkly under my breath.

Not once in the time we have been together has she revealed any sort of information concerning her origin or family. We have no idea where her mother and father are, if they are even alive, if she has siblings, friends… not even where she came from.

She looked honest enough when she said that she grew up here, but that's impossible. There must be a civilization near here where she came from. Was she a survivor from the breaking of Wall Maria five years ago? There was no way of knowing because the stubborn woman refuses to speak.

'_She's open enough about her pastimes at least…._' I mull coldly.

Much of the information she has told us is about her numerous skills and boredom born hobbies, which didn't come to me as new.

I noticed her various projects upon first arriving here. She showed us how she weaved a variety of objects and cloth into whatever she felt like making. Most were useful, such as baskets or small fabrics she could later sew together to make blankets. But others were made out of experimentation; A small, feather decorated ring woven with very thin stretches of twine into a web hung from a hook near the kitchen window, squares of rags woven into different designs and colors fill a corner of a cabinet, numerous carvings stand hidden in one of the hallway rooms, everything from animals and plant life to a couple human figures all varying in workmanship and scale, sketches and drawings lie neatly in a drawer in the bookcase room… whatever came to her mind, she created.

If I was honest with myself, it's all quite impressive. There is nothing in her collection that is extravagant or masterful by any means, but the versatility of her skill is quite notable.

'_There is nothing remarkable about skill that is born out of having nothing else better to do.' _She had told us just the day before, a faraway look in her eyes. _'There is only so much company and comfort a horse can bring. The rest must be made on your own.'_

If there is one thing that I know for certain, is that she is no stranger to the horror this world holds for us. It shows in her movements, in her speech, even her appearance.

None of us has missed the dusting of darkness that hangs under her eyes, or the bleakness of her expression as she remembers something that only she can understand. Her voice is nice, but it carries a haunting tone in it, and her movements are careful yet heavy.

At times, especially late at night when the only source of light are the candles that burn around us, she looks older than we estimate her to be. There is so much tribulation in her but we know none of it, Avian hiding it behind a false expression and change of subject.

'_Woman is damn difficult…'_

I close my eyes and meditate for a long, long time, enjoying the sounds of wind and tree in my ears. How long until something happens? How long… How long… There is no way to tell, which irritates me most of I want to do is ponder, and soon enough an hour has slipped by.

I had no idea that the sun was beginning to sink until footsteps stir me out of my haze. Opening my eyes again, blue orbs meet gray from where Avian stands a few feet away.

"Dinner is ready." She says simply.

I sigh and stand straight in answer, wincing slightly at the stiffness of my body.

"Fine." I reply, slipping past her to head inside, but after a few steps I notice that she does not follow.

Turning back around, I see her staring up at the sky through the trees, soft light dappling her face and gently glittering in her hair. All she does is stare for a few moments before speaking.

"There's a storm coming."

"A storm? What makes you say that?"

Avian nods toward the sky and I follow her gaze up, though I can't find anything out of the ordinary. It looks just like it should; bright in dying light and decorated with heavy, slightly green clouds.

"Looks fine to me." I tell her in a bored voice, earning a sidelong glance.

"I promise you something is coming. The wind has been growing stronger all day." She elaborates, and I suddenly take notice of the breeze teasing both of our hair into our faces. "And now the birds have left."

Which is also true, listening intently to the world around me, only to find an eerie silence. I didn't realize that I had been so caught up in the sound of the wind that the absence of chirping never crossed my mind. But still…

"It's nothing." I argue, turning back around. "What, you afraid of thunder?"

At that I hear her turn and walk towards me, voice stern.

"No. We just need to be cautious" She answers, coming to stand in front of me. "You must have realized how strange the weather has been as of late. Winter was short and hot, and not a single fleck of snow dropped. The wind changes from warm to cool with each breeze and spring changing to summer births the most terrible storms out of the year. Have you forgotten already of the rainstorm that separated you from your comrades?"

"No, I haven't. And don't preach to me as if I'm some damn child." I reproach, frustration and irritation burning. "If you don't like it then stay inside. You've done enough for today."

With that I turn my back to her and stalk inside, confining myself in the main bedroom where I've been sleeping since arriving here.

'_Idiot woman worried about the stupid wind.'_

Luckily my squad knows better than to disturb me, which I'm thankful for. With nothing else to do and not wanting to engage that irritating woman again, I stay isolated, busying myself with memorizing the room and continuing the report I have been writing for Erwin that I started our second day here.

Against better judgment and with the overwhelming need to keep routine and do something useful, I've taken to writing down each day's events into well kept reports that I intend to give Erwin upon our return to Wall Rose. It is in some ways useless, but it helps with passing time and cooling my growing agitation. And if I were honest with myself, it also helps in keeping the fantasy that Erwin, Hanji and the others are still alive at the forefront of my mind. Hope that we will somehow make it back and see our friends safe is the only thing my squad has to cling to, and so writing reports makes it feel as if nothing has happened, nor will happen.

'_We will make it back alive, safe, whole…'_ I think and say at the same time, and the full weight of everyone's lives rests on my shoulders, making it difficult to breathe and think. _'We have too…'_

* * *

It is late in the night and everyone has long since eaten and fallen asleep when I'm awoken by the door opening, a familiar female head leaning in.

"Levi." Avian says, stepping half her body into the room. "You need to see this."

Even though sleep and irritation from being woken so rudely tug at my body, I instantly sit up wide awake at the grave tone of her voice, and even though her face is hidden in shadow, I can almost imagine the stoic expression on her face.

Without a word, I stand follow her out the bedroom door, feet silent.

"What is it?" I ask, voice low to avoid waking the others.

Avian doesn't answer me until she leads me out the front door into the dark night.

"That." She says and points up at the sky.

Looking up, I'm surprised to find that I can see the clouds quite easily, and that among the many lightning strikes that arc across the sky and the gusts of wind that blow so hard the trees around us creak under its strength, the swirling billows above their cracking branches glows with a green haze unlike anything I've ever seen.

Silently Avian's gaze meets mine, and instantly I realize that something is wrong.

"I've never seen this before." She says, "And the winds cannot bend the trees this deep in the forest."

At that, she turns fully toward me, half her face lit by the strange night glow.

"If it is this bad here, then we need to know what is going on outside. Can you and your team fly to the edge with your gear and see what is out there?"

My immediate reaction is to blow her off, but with the way that she holds my gaze and the odd feeling the atmosphere has around us, I consent.

"Fine, but only a quick recon. I won't spend all night chasing storms because you told me to..." I grumble, then head back inside, shaking Eld awake from where he sleeps on his pallet on the floor by the fireplace.

He awakens quickly enough, though still struggles with the nagging of sleep as we slip on our gear and soar into the trees a few minutes later. Even as we fly, the wind blows erratically, and it proves difficult to cut a straight path through the trees.

"Do you really think it's as bad as Avian thinks?" Eld calls over the wind, swinging from tree to tree a few feet away.

I consider his question for a moment before replying.

"I don't know, but there is definitely something going on that neither of us like."

Eld simply nods and continues on beside me in silence.

We make our way with effort, the wind growing the closer we get to the edge of the forest. Soon, it stings our hair into our eyes and throws us with ease. By the time we reach the beginning of the wasteland, we halt upon a sturdy branch, bracing ourselves against its trunk with our blades as the wind howls in our ears.

Out in the expanse of hills and grass, its next to impossible to see anything. The sky has grown sinister and dark during our flight, and the sound of thunder booms in the distance, drawing closer with each crack.

Squinting, I try to decipher the landscape, eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. As they do, the outlines of the hills and sparse vegetation come into focus. I scan the horizon from left to right, panning slowly to absorb all that I can, and frown at an area directly ahead of us, a dark blotch in the sky that seems infinitely dark.

Wind cuts through my ears as I concentrate on the dark mass, gaining nothing. Then, as if to aid us, a large bolt of lightning suddenly throws the world into light, and what I see in that second of brightness freezes me.

On the horizon, not but a league ahead, swirls an ominous column of tempest winds, dark and powerful. Even from where we stand I can hear it's roar as it engulfs the land below it, tearing mighty trees from the ground with little effort, adding to its collection of debris.

To my horror, along with broken trunks and branches swirled a threat that I never would have conceived.

It is common knowledge among the Recon Corps that the bodies of titans are much lighter than what should be possible considering their size. So it should not be a surprise to me to see the bodies of titans twisting in the gale of the massive cyclone, but I am. A deep, cold surprise unlike any other grips my body as I behold the strange formation before me.

From a few feet away, I just barely catch the wisps of Eld's voice.

"We can't be seeing this Corporal…."

But we are; a whirlwind of debris and titans lead by strikes of lightning coming straight for us.

"Eld! We're returning! Quickly!"

At my order, he turns and shoots off into the darkness, me on his heels. Never before had either of us seen such a phenomena, and it's sheer size and power strikes coldness in my heart as we race back. If its winds can lift and throw giant titan bodies and full grown trees, what can it do to this forest?

A heavy lump sits in my chest as we fly back to the others.

'_She was right.' _I think, seeing Avian's earnest face in my mind's eye, and an ache of regret hits my throat, burning me even as we reach her home, landing beside her from where she watches the sky by the front door.

Instantly her attention turns toward us, and she must be able to read our expressions because her features change to that of urgency before I can even tell her what we saw.

"A giant cyclone is heading this way." I urge. "We could barely see it because of the lack of light, but it's coming straight for us, and it's winds are so powerful it has ripped up trees and even titans."

Avian nods.

"Inside. We'll hide in the basement." She says simply, then rushes inside.

Once there Eld, Avian, and I wake the others, each wearing a mixture of confusion and vigilance on their faces.

"What are you talking about Corporal?" Eren asks as Avian herds him down the trap door into the basement. "A giant whirlwind? That's not even possible, is it?"

"It is." Avian responds curtly, turning to help Petra down next. "And it sounds to be more horrible than anything any one of us can imagine."

"You serious? A wind picking up titans?" Oluo cuts in, face heavy with disbelief as he stares down the ginger haired woman. "I've known you were crazy before, but this is just damn ridiculous."

"Oluo, it's not ridiculous." Eld retorts, meeting Oluo's glare with a glare of his own. "Corporal Levi and I saw it with our own eyes."

"Yes we did." I say as Petra reaches the bottom. "Now shut up and get down there."

"But Corp…"

"Now Oluo!"

At that Oluo finally obeys and jumps down, completely ignoring the ladder. Next, Eld and I assist Gunther over the edge while Oluo and Eren support him from below, all the while the wind grows outside the windows. After Gunther, Eld descends, and I follow, letting Avian be last so she can shut the door above us.

Howls sound outside the windows as we climb down, and the room is thrown into half darkness as Avian ties the latch to secure the door. Half way through as I reach the bottom, Avian stops, a gasp emanating from her lips.

"The horses are still bound to the clothes line!" she says, surprising all of us, and without a second thought, she thrusts open the trap door again and climbs out.

"Hey! Avian!" I call, reaching up to try and snag her ankle, but she's too quick, already up and out the door. "Damn it."

With my curse I follow after her, windows rattling as she cuts through the house to the outside.

The sky is pitch dark and the wind screams in my ears as I chase her around the corner, finally catching up with her as she fumbles to untie the knots on the horses reins.

"Are you crazy!?" I yell, snatching her hand away in an iron grip, much to her distress.

"If we don't untie them, they'll die!" she shouts above the wind, her hair flying in all directions.

"Better them than us." I retort and begin to drag her back inside.

"L…Levi!" she struggles, trying to pull my hand off of her wrist, then screams.

A second later, a large body crashes into the trees beside us, the heap letting out a moan. Another crash sounds to our other side, though farther away, and dark realization hits me.

The titans are falling. The forest must slow down the wind enough to where it can't support the monsters weight any longer.

"Levi! They're still alive!"

Avian's exclamation catches my attention again, and I now see the bodies of titans struggling to stand.

"Tch. Damn it…"

The largest, a 10 meter, groans as it pushes itself up from where it fell only feet away. It's face and body are clouded by steam from where it's flesh ripped from the impact, and as if it could sense us, the thing stands and casts its eyes right on us.

Without second thought, I draw my blades and wind my arm around Avian. Quick as a flash, we are in the air before the titan can even begin to reach for us.

Avian wraps her arms around my neck as we fly up, and we land shortly on a thick branch high above even the tallest of the titans. From there, I let her go and assess the situation, trying to pick out the bodies of the giants from where they hide in the dark.

There are only two as of now, the large 10 meter, and a smaller 5 meter, but rumbles from the forest around us signal that they are not the only ones.

"Corporal!"

Eld lets out a shout from his place in the doorway, gazing out to find us. At the noise, the 10 and 5 meters turn and immediately make their way toward him. I don't hear him curse, but his body changes and he draws out his own swords, soaring away, just avoiding a giant hand.

"Eld!"

At my voice, the blond haired man finally sees us up above and joins us, landing lightly beside me.

"What the hell happened!? I thought they couldn't get in here!" he curses, glaring down at the monsters below us.

"The wind died down enough to let them fall here. One nearly crushed us." I frown, gears turning. "Where are the others?"

"Still in the basement, though once they realize we haven't come back, they'll come after us."

I nod, shifting the blades in my grip.

"Then lets finish this before they can."

Eld nods his agreement and motions to the smaller 5 meter to our left.

"I get him and you get the right?" He says, determination cloaking his features.

"Yes."

And with that, he's off, gas marking his trail.

Without looking, I step to the edge and ready myself.

"Stay here." I order the woman where she stands near the trunk.

Without waiting for a reply, I jump, casting my lines ahead of me and gas forward in a burst of speed.

The titan ahead of me makes itself an easy target, its back toward me, and with no effort at all, I spin and slice it's neck. The giant falls with a crash below me, barely missing Avian's home in the process.

Just as I land on another branch to turn, a rush of three more titans appear from the woods, attracted by the sound of our fighting no doubt. I jump again, managing to kill two while Eld fells the other.

Just as they fall, more come from the shadows. Jump. Spin. Slice. Over and over yet they just keep coming.

'_How many are there?_ _It's like the cyclone carried and attracted an entire horde of titans right to us_.'

More and more pour in, and even though it seems hardly any time has passed at all, a mound of bodies begins to pile on the ground, clouding the air in a thick fog of steam.

"Corporal? Eld? Where are you?"

Petra's voice cuts through the steam though I can't see her and I cringe. In the distance, I see several titans turn at the sound and almost instantly Petra lets out a scream.

"Petra!"

Yelling I dash forward blindly into the steam, following the sound of her yell, only to gasp as I land roughly on the roof, tumbling as I go.

"What is this!?" Eren calls from somewhere.

"Petra!" Oluo shouts as the sound of blades slicing greet my ears, and for the briefest of moments, I spy Eld fly above me with Petra in tow.

"Where's our gear!?" Oluo shouts again, a crash sounding somewhere ahead of me. "Corporal!"

'_We can't see and they are completely defenseless. Without their gear, they're sitting ducks!'_

A large arm swings itself into my sight above me, and I barely have time to duck before it goes over, taking some of the roof with it.

Adrenaline pounds in my body and I run to the front of the house, jumping down to the ground and nearly landing on top of Eren.

"Corporal!" he yells, eyes wide, then he gasps and we both fall to the ground as a large body topples above us, landing on the house.

Shaking, he stands, brushing dirty hair from his face as he states, "It crushed our gear!"

And there, just by the corner of the house only a few feet away from us lays a behemoth arm, cold metal bent beneath it.

"CORPORAL!"

Oluo's screams slice from far behind us, cutting me to the core.

"They have him Corporal!" Eren screams, standing.

"Oi! Wait!" I order, but the young man is already gone.

Thunder cracks in the sky though there is no rain as I follow 's a nightmare how swiftly things have changed.

Once out from under the body of the giant titan, screams sound everywhere, mixing in intensity. Oluo, Petra, Eren, Eld… All fighting somewhere, blinded by this damn steam.

'_Get above this fog.' i_s my only thought.

Dodging a large body, I shoot my hooks out blindly and yank myself forward. My vision clears as I leave the steam wall, and I nearly crash into a tree in my haste.

Now able to see, I zigzag my way up, eyes peeled for my squad. I hear them but don't see them, and it's suicide to fly in blindly again.

'_Damn it!'_

"Levi!"

Avian calls my name and I land beside her, following her arm to where she points.

"They are near the back, somewhere in the steam." She says levelly, a strange expression on her face.

I cast her the briefest of glances, wondering for just a moment as to why such a look is on her features, before my pondering is interrupted.

Instantly I know what has happened when a large yellow bolt of lightning strikes into the ground, and out from the steam cloud, an inhuman roar sounds. Beside me, Avian stiffens as the Rouge titan appears, throwing a beast like yell into the air and all at once, titans converge on him from all sides and he swings, felling one after another, though unable to kill them.

From near his feet, a figure appears, Oluo clutching an arm while running for his life. Following him comes Petra and Eld, the woman gasping for air as she stumbles along, and the man fumbling with his equipment, both swords broken.

Titans successfully distracted, they make their getaway as Eren goes on a rampage, Avian's wide eyes glued to his every movement.

"He… he's a giant…." She gasps, frozen and completely taken aback by this sudden development.

'_Well that's just perfect… There is no telling what she'll do now…'_ I think, but leave her to her thoughts, making my way to the edge of the branch and jump down.

"Corporal!" Petra smiles, positively ecstatic at my appearance as I land beside her.

"Everyone, we're going up into the trees." I order, grasping the woman to myself. "Eld, take Oluo."

At that, we fly up, soaring above the ongoing fray, stopping once again on the sturdy branch where Avian still watches Eren fight.

"Where is Gunther?" I ask, setting Petra down.

"Still in the basement. The door is secured so he'll be okay." Oluo answers in-between grimaces. "We were going to stay, but once we heard the crashing, we locked him up and left to help. Wish we knew before hand that our damn movement gear was trashed."

"Yeah…" Petra sighs, "Now look what happened…"

From our perch, we can fully see the scale of the trouble we are in.

The Rouge titan screams from within a mob of titans, slamming heads left and right but unable to kill many of them, if any at all. The smaller ones bite at his legs and arms as larger ones grip at his face.

"We would have died if Eren hadn't saved us." Petra adds, watching on. "We have to help."

"There's too many." Oluo cuts in. "With that many, we'll die for sure."

Petra turns to him, eyes wide.

"But Eren will die Oluo! We have to do something!" she screams.

"What do you propose we do?" Eld interjects, face beset by a frown. "Eren is strong, but he won't hold out much longer. And we need to get rid of them before they discover Gunther."

We do, but are we willing to risk ourselves and die in the process? This forest is prime for 3DMG use, but the sheer amount of titans make it nearly impossible to get a clear shot at their necks without another being right there to snatch you.

All I can do is ponder while the Rouge titan is slowly eaten away. A few bodies steam up from the ground, but another fifteen or so still surround him, and it's apparent that his strength is running out.

'_We have to do something, and now.'_

"We have no choice but to go all in." I announce, turning everyone's heads, including Avian's. "Whatever the cost, we can't lose that brat."

"But you'll all die…"

Avian's voice is but a whisper as she stares at all of us in turn, earning her nothing but stern glances back.

"Maybe, but orders are orders." Oluo comments.

"Two people can't take on that many giants at once." Avian curtly rebukes, eyes narrowed. "They will kill you."

"Maybe," Eld answers her, pulling out two new blades. "But we need to keep Eren alive, even if it means our lives. None of us is going down without a fight."

At that Eld turns to me and nods, waiting for my command, and in the corner of my eye, Avian's expression is one of turmoil. I ignore her gaze and return to the scene ahead of me, drawing my blades.

"You cover the right. I'll get the left." I order, and step off the edge.

From there, things happen in fast forward.

Eld and I step off the ledge against Avian's call, then suddenly the branch explodes. Wind buffs me and I crash into another tree not but a few feet away and look up.

Above me, Petra and Oluo are thrown off their feet, but are fine. Eld slides down a trunk adjacent to mine, blade digging into the wood, but as I look, Avian is gone.

Then, from my left, a chorus of screeches sound. There, among the mass of titans a blur shoots back and forth, slices of titan flesh flying in every direction. One after another they fall to the assailant, and in a matter of seconds, the clearing is silent and clouded by steam.

No one makes a sound, not even the Rouge titan as it stands, breathing heavily. Through the cloud, it stares at something on the ground, and as the fog slowly clears, a body appears; a titans body, small and minute, not even 3 meters tall, head covered in a ball of flyaway ginger hair and a stature like that of a child's.

The creature shifts, first gazing up at the Rouge above it, then turns its large eyes to me, and I'm struck at how human it looks. Pink skin covers it's body and, just as no titans have reproductive organs, this one doesn't either, but other than that, it appears ,by all accounts, human.

The child titan blinks, soaking in the sight of me, then ever so slowly, raises its hands. Sharp, meter long claws hang from its fingertips where nails normally go, and as the creature lifts its hands above its head in an obvious defensive gesture, it does something we all never expected.

"Don't kill me." It speaks.

***Authors note***

_**UPDATED 10-14:**__** Fixed minor grammar errors and continuity errors. Improved language and speech.**_

So there you have it ladies and gents. Hope this chapter didn't feel too crapped out. I suffered from knowing exactly what I want to write, but having no idea how to write it, sooooo….. this came out. Perhaps it's tolerable, but anywho, hope you all are enjoying the story so far. Please remember to leave a review with your thoughts or opinions, they are my life blood. Thank you!

-Ambi


	5. Avian

Chapter 5:

**Avian**

The titan's voice is clear and girlish as it sings into the air, stopping everyone in their tracks.

All I can do is stare, large, bright eyes boring into mine, and everything is quiet. I cannot see Petra or Oluo, but out of the corner of my eye, Eld hangs, mouth agape.

And who could blame him? Even I have to take time to absorb what lies before us.

Now that most of the steam has cleared, Avian's face is obvious in the titan's features, looking almost as if the titan is just a younger version of her; large eyes, round face, messy hair sitting in every direction, strands dancing across its face and locks brushing past its bare, thin shoulders. It looks so human, more so than any other titan we've ever seen, and as seconds tick by, the titan looks just as lost at what to do next as we are.

It isn't until Eren, still in titan form, shifts, drawing our attention away. Most of his body has been eaten away, and though he was able to stand for a while, his strength has all but seeped away. Without breaking his eyes away from the smaller titan, his legs buckle, and he falls, billowing up a wave of steam.

"Corporal."

I turn to Eld and he points upward with his sword.

"Right."

Quickly, he and I bring Oluo and Petra safely down, stopping a few feet from the Rouge titan's form.

Out of the mist, a feminine figure appears, and as the fog clears, we see Avian back in human form standing atop the neck of the Rouge, arms wrapped around an obviously unconscious Eren. She stares at us with a mix of emotions I can't decipher in the dark, but waits patiently, supporting the top half of Eren that is free until Petra steps up, climbing onto the disappearing body to assist her.

Oluo and Eld soon join her, and they successfully get Eren out and onto solid ground, all the while my eyes stay glued to Avian, watching her every move.

She doesn't even look as if she could be a shifter, but appearances apparently doesn't matter. Deep inside a feeling of strange satisfaction sits.

So I was right in my assumption that this woman was hiding something from us, though this was not what I was expecting.

Oddly enough, the ginger haired woman looks just as intrigued by the situation, instead she watches Eren as he slowly regains consciousness from where he now rests on the ground, Petra supporting his head. Groaning, the young man sits up, holding his head, looking around.

"They all gone?" he asks, wincing, to which Eld nods.

Eren takes a moment to blink and collect himself. Shifting still takes a large toll on his body as we've come to expect, but his recovery has become steadily quicker much to our relief.

"You saved us Eren." Petra smiles at him finally. "If it weren't for you, we'd all be dead."

Eren flushes at the praise, rubbing his head in embarrassment.

"P…Petra…" He starts, then stops, his eyes catching Avian's from where she stands silent a few feet away from us, her expression still strange. "You're… a shifter." He says at last.

Avian stares at him, barely able to nod her head in answer.

I've never seen anyone wear such a face as she, as if she's struggling to cope with information that has utterly riveted her entire world, which it more than likely has. She purses her lips slightly, and moves her hands like she doesn't know what to do with them.

"A… and you…" she begins, voice unsteady. "Have you always been able to… to do… that?"

"We don't know."

At my voice, her eyes lock onto mine, and I see her shift at the expression I know to be on my face; cold, serious, and piercing. I hold her gaze, narrowing my eyes.

"I believe YOU are the one who needs to answer questions first."

For a moment, she looks as if she wants to argue, then slumps her shoulders, letting out a deep sigh. Casting a side glance at the front of the house where the body of the titan that landed on the roof has all but melted away, she answers.

"You are right." She says, heaviness weighing down her voice. "Let us fetch Gunther, then we will talk."

Without another word, we all head inside, stepping over boards and blocks of broken roofing and wall that litter the ground in front of the door.

With a shove, Avian manages to dislodge it from where it had been stuck under a bent frame and steps inside, everything dark aside from strands of night light falling through holes on the roof to dapple the floor. Avian walks through them as if she doesn't even notice and leads us into the back room, swiftly untying the latch on the floor door, opening it with a bang.

"Guys?" Gunther calls, gazing up from the bottom, hand shielding his face from a soft avalanche of dust. "What the hell was all that? Don't tell me titans got in."

"Sure did, damn things." Oluo spits, climbing down the ladder to help lift Gunther out. "Came flying out of the damn sky like some demented birds."

"You can't be serious…"

"What do you think we were doing all that time!?" Oluo sneers as Eld and I grasp Gunther's hands and lift him up, Gunther balancing on a single leg.

"Believe it or not, but he's telling the truth, Gunther." Petra says, causing Gunther to shake his head slowly in disbelief.

"That's crazy…" Is all he says as he hops slowly into the living room, Eld holding his weak side.

Once there, Gunther merely stares at the gaping holes in the ceiling before sitting heavily on the couch.

"You guys had me worried you know. Running out like that? Least let a guy know where you're going first…"

"Sorry Gunther. Didn't think about it." Petra sighs, taking a seat beside him.

The brown haired man just shrugs.

"At least everyone is okay… From all the noise outside, I can only imagine how bad things were."

"It was pretty bad." Eld adds, leaning against the wall, arms crossed. "Everyone's gear except mine and Corporal Levi's was crushed, and there were so many titans you couldn't count them all. It's like they just formed a mob."

"I see. And was that you I heard Eren?" Gunther asks, turning his head to look at the youth from where he stands near Eld. "Your titan I mean? All I could hear was a loud crash of thunder and then something large roared so loud it shook the ground."

Eren nods, staring at the ground.

"Yeah. It was… I didn't know what else to do. I mean…" he begins, raising his head to look at Petra and Oluo. "I didn't have my gear, and when you two got caught I just… Lost it."

At that, he casts a weary glance at me.

"I'm sorry Corporal. I know I'm not supposed to shift unless you give the order but… I couldn't just sit back and watch them all die…"

"You're right, you're not supposed to unless given the order." I answer sternly. "But, never apologize for rescuing a comrade, even if it's against orders. You very well saved their lives."

Eren almost looks surprised by my praise, and suddenly Oluo lets out a scoff, rubbing his hair absentmindedly.

"I guess the kid did alright. Thanks for saving our skins, but don't let it get to your head. It'll never happen again, ya hear?"

Eren blinks, then smiles up at the man, nodding.

"Yes sir!"

At that, a ball of light enters the room from the hallway, and soon after Avian appears holding a few lit candles in her hands. Without a word she sets them all on the table before us and silently takes a seat in the rocking chair.

No one moves for a long time, each staring at the woman as she busies herself with memorizing her hands. After a minute or so, I clear my throat, drawing her attention.

"So? You just going to sit there like an idiot or are you going to explain yourself?"

"Explain yourself?" Gunther asks, looking between Avian and I in confusion. "What happened?"

I ignore him and keep my eyes trained on the woman. She holds my stare for only a moment before giving in.

"I don't know where to start…."

"How about at the beginning." I state, crossing my arms. "How did you end up here? And tell us EVERYTHING."

She must have heard the threat in my voice because she doesn't argue, instead taking to look at her hands again, fumbling with them in her lap.

"Well, what I told you before about having been here all my life is true. I was born and raised here." She begins. "I lived here with my parents and my two brothers and have known no other home than this. My parents originally came from a city some distance away. They both told me that they longed to live in the country, away from the busy streets and noise, so after learning that my mother was pregnant with me, they packed up and moved away. Thankfully my brothers where old enough to hold their own, for if they were any younger, my mother would have probably never even bothered."

"Did they come from behind Wall Maria?" Eld asks, crossing his arms to which Avian shrugs her shoulders.

"I don't think so. They said they traveled a long way, but never told me from where. It wasn't until I was older that I realized they we didn't live in any sort of settlement at all."

Petra nods, inclining her head and asks, "Tell us about your family then." ,causing Avian to look at her.

"Like I said, it was only my parents, by brothers and I. My father, Reid, was a history professor. Before they moved, he taught at one of the city schools most of the week, and even invested his time with certain projects they were currently working on. He had a mind for remembering information, and knew just about everything there was to know about the past. Not just about recent history either, before then."

At this, Avian's expression changes to one of admiration.

"He had tomes that recount history before giants even existed, and he hovered over them for hours as if he were starving for it. He could tell you everything about those ancient times; a time where there were hundreds of separate countries spread out all over the world, and where war was between humans alone. His collection dates all the way back to when the first great civilization, Rome, was created. I still have all his books in the bedroom down the hall, all sorts of texts that span over every detail and fact imaginable…"

For a moment, the woman seems lost in thought, obviously intrigued by the subject as much as her father must have been, then blinks, coming back to herself again.

"When he wasn't reading, he would go out and hunt for us. It's because of him that my brothers and I know how to track and make a trap. Now my mother Generva is a different story. She couldn't care less about the hunt, but she did have a love for writing. She lived in the same city as my father even before they met, working first as a scribe, then as her own author. She mostly wrote about her time as a child with little bits of fantastical drama added in, and sold them to make a living. Her works weren't best sellers by any means, but it supported her for the most part and gave her an outlet for her creativity. When I was younger, she showed me just how she went about her writing, and she even let me help her write a small story about my endeavors…"

Instantly the image of the small, parchment book that I found the other day comes to mind.

''_A Girl Named Bird'. I should have known.'_ I think, and for the briefest of moments, I ponder over its contents.

"When she wasn't writing," Avian continues, "she tended to her garden in the back. She's was a self taught green thumb, and she had a talent to make anything grow. We had many things to look after; potatoes, carrots, squash, lettuce, tomatoes, beans… even some herbs like basil, rosemary, and cilantro. We were always well off, and we never got terribly sick. She was also the one who taught me about healing herbs and medicine."

"She taught you well." Gunther comments, making the woman brush her hair away from her face out of embarrassment.

"She did."

Silence permeates the air while Avian's eye grow distant, most likely thinking back upon some memory from long ago. She must have not realized she was in a daze because she jumps a little in her chair when Eren chimes in his own question.

"What about your brothers?"

It takes her a moment to regain her thoughts, then continues.

"Yes, well, I have two, as I stated before. My eldest brother is Romulus. He was the quietest out of us all, though I cannot tell you from where he got such a trait. He was always a lover of the outdoors as I was told, always doing something in the trees or in the grass. He found insects to be very interesting, and they where his main interest until he became old enough for my father to take him hunting. From there, he fell in love with it. By the time he turned fifteen, he spent most of his time tracking in the woods, and he became our main food provider over time. Nothing could elude him for long, and he was a brilliant shot with a bow. Hunting was one of the few things that could make him talk for more than a few words."

Avian lets out a small smile, gazing at her hands.

"Hunting couldn't have bored by other brother, Tolkien, more." She says with a chuckle. "Nor could you get him to shut up for more than a few minutes. Whereas Rom is the listener, Tolkien is the talker, and he had a kind of… enthusiasm… that was infectious. It was rare to find anything but a grin on him, and rarer still to see him angered. For one with so much energy, he was laid back in a way, and he was mother's biggest reader. He can't sit still for anything unless a book is in his hands, and then, he could read for hours. I could not tell you how many times he has read my father's fantasy books, especially those by my brother's name sake. He could go on and on about the dynamics of plot or character development, much of which I would join if I had the chance. We could discuss for ages, and fantasize about the worlds within..."

A sort of easy joy leaks onto her features.

"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish to have another conversation with him…"

At that, Eren shifts, leaning forward a little.

"Where are he and the rest of your family now?"

Almost in an instant, the air changes and the light dies from her eyes. Her smile drops, eyes reflecting the light of the candle ahead of her as she gazes into its depths, eyes far away and suddenly very dark.

It doesn't take a genius to know that they were dead.

She doesn't say anything for a long, long time, and no one else seems to want to be the first to break the silence. Even Oluo keeps his respect by looking at the ground.

Somehow, I know that this part is what we need to hear, and our questions would be answered. This is the reason for her solitude, and as she finally stirs to sit back in her chair, I lean forward in mine.

Out from the collar of her blouse she pulls out an ornament on a twine cord, rubbing it with her fingers with absent mind, eyes never leaving the candle flame.

"I never saw another person aside from my family until I was well into my twelfth year." She starts, voice barely above a whisper and everyone leans in, listening intently. "All of us were inside the house, for my brother Rom had just returned from a hunting excursion and the entire family pitched in to help prepare and clean his catch. In the middle of it, a knock sounded on the door and everyone stopped. At the time, I didn't understand the meaning behind it. We never bothered with such formalities, so I remember assuming it to be my horse or another natural thing banging on the door, but my parents and brothers knew better. My father went to open the door and a group of men in traveling clothes greeted him. They talked in low whispers so I couldn't hear, but they seemed to know him from somewhere, my mother too. The men asked something and my father nodded and motioned to my mother to follow him.

'They want to talk.' My father had said as they exited, the door left open.

My brothers and I watched them from the window, and for a while, all they did was talk. One man in particular talked the most, the other four kind of watching on. They talked for a long time, and my father seemed to become more and more agitated as the conversation went on, to the point where he would throw his hands and step in real close, almost nose to nose, something I had never seen him do. It must have angered the strange man, because immediately after that, he yelled something and suddenly the other four men barged into the house. I remember my brothers yelling as they grabbed us by our arms and dragged us outside, though Romulus was able to punch one of the men."

She stops for a moment, face hardening.

"Once outside, the main stranger motioned to us while keeping his eyes on my parents. I've never seen either of my parents look that way before; enraged and afraid at the same time. My father clenched his fists and glared at the man with a look of such venom is scared me.

'You have no right to take my children away from me!' he yelled. 'They have nothing to do with it! None of them are your property!'

'To the contrary, they are.' The stranger said. 'The youngest in particular is key to our research. Would you have us abandon all of our efforts up to this point Mr. Conner? All your efforts? There was a time where you were just as eager as the rest of us to see this project to the end…'

'That was until you got my family involved.' My father had retorted. 'I will go with you if you leave the rest of my family be.'

The stranger let out a huge sigh then, and shrugged his shoulders.

'I'm afraid that we can't. Your wife and both your sons know too much, and we can't risk the information they know fall into… other hands. Our city is pristine, Mr. Conner. There isn't a man in the world who would pass up it's splendor, even if it meant war. You know better than anyone the greed of man. We need defenses to protect our walls from our enemies, and your children are essential to that cause. Your sons are young, fit, capable. Your daughter…'

'STOP IT NOW!'

At that my father grasped the man by the front of his shirt, teeth gritting.

'You go back and tell those insolent pigs that I am through! There is no way in hell I'm letting you make my kids into weapon fodder! So get OUT!'"

Avian chokes, gripping her necklace ornament in her hand so hard the candle light traces the white of bone under the skin. Her eyes don't blink as she stares, and it's possible that she doesn't even realize that she is still in the room with us, as lost as she is in her memory.

Her voice comes back out as a painful drone.

"It all happened so quick after that… All I remember is the man's arm moving and then suddenly my father was screaming. He fell to the ground, convulsing and seizing as what looked like wire protruded out from his chest. My mother screamed and grabbed at the man, ripping some sort of black box from his hand and dug her nails into him.

'RUN!'

At her voice, Romulus and Tolkien turned and started attacking the men that held us, throwing fists and splattering blood on the ground. I… all I could do was stare at my father on the ground as he stopped convulsing, painfully trying to stand up again. The man noticed and pushed my mother away as my father began to move his arm to put his thumb into his mouth"

Surprise hits me and I cast my gaze quickly to Eren who meets mine, understanding passing between us.

"Before he could, the stranger pulled out a knife."

Avian's body stiffens, completely unaware that the room around her is even there.

"Before anyone could do anything, the man stabbed my father in the back. Everyone was screaming. My mother ran to him, fighting the man off, face covered in tears as someone grabbed my arm and tried to drag me away. I barely remember Rom telling me to run as he pulled me. Tolkien made to grab my other arm, but was yanked back by the back of his shirt.

'Just kill the boys!' the main man had yelled, holding my mother by her neck. 'It's the girl we need!'

The man's knife sunk into my other parent then, her blood curling around her neck like a sick waterfall. Not a second after, the man holding Tolkien pulled out a knife of his own, and though my brother fought him as hard as he could, they took him as well…"

Avian's voice is but a whisper now as she continues.

"When Tolkien fell, Romulus lost it. He stopped dragging me and turned around, throwing me behind him. He screamed our brother's name with such pain I can still hear it… Rom barreled into the men, fighting like the wild animals he hunts; ripping out their hair and scratching their eyes and biting their necks in a raging fury. My body was numb. I remember falling, my eyes glued to him as he fought. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything except watch. Romulus was strong from his time in the forest, but even he couldn't best five men. All he could manage was to snap the neck of Tolkien's murderer before he too fell to a blade. All was quiet once he fell except for my sobbing. I didn't even realize tears were on my face until I finally managed to blink and all four pairs of eyes trained themselves on me. They looked like wolves, with their beady eyes and blood covered faces. Fear struck me like a lightning bolt through my body as they began to make their way toward me."

Avian's eyes begin to water of their own accord, making the reflection of candle flame in her eyes dance.

"I didn't want to die. I didn't want to die. With each step, my fear grew, and a compulsion took over me. I had to get away. I barely felt myself get up and didn't even realize I was running until I heard shouts behind me. I ran through the woods, not feeling the leaves cut my face or caring about the mud and dirt that flung upon my body. My heart and lungs burned and it felt like I was flying across the ground. But I wasn't fast enough. Before I knew it, I heard the heavy breathing of a man on my neck, and then a blinding pain across my back. I fell then, stumbling over my own feet because of the pain. Shadows looked down on me, greedy, sick shadows. In the darkness of the trees, their eyes glowed with violence and their grins stretched across their entire faces. Their teeth where pointed and as their hands reached for me, they looked like claws. A deep, primal fear enveloped me, and as the hands drew closer and closer, I shook more and more. When the first hand finally touched my arm, something snapped."

Avian stops, stock still and lost in thought.

"The next thing I remember was me running again. Trees flew past me in blurs and for some reason I ran on my feet and hands. It wasn't until I could run no more that I stopped and noticed that my body wasn't mine anymore, and that the fingers that were not my fingers were long and sharp and covered in dirt and blood. I didn't know what happened to me, and I was scared. I remember… time going by. I don't know how long. I remember it snowed three times before I managed to figure out how to change back…"

Avian's hand loosens around her necklace and light seems to come back to her gaze.

Blinking, she lets out a breath and hangs her head. The glow from the candle light hitting her face makes her suddenly look very, very old.

"I was lost for a while. I didn't know where to go, but eventually I returned here. I feared the world around me, but at least home was familiar, and it was shelter."

Everyone sits in silence for a while, absorbing all that they just heard until Oluo pipes up, having been oddly quiet the entire time.

"What did those men want you for?"

Avian shakes her head, replying, "I don't know. That is the only time I've ever seen them. All I have been able to figure out is that they must have known my parents from when they lived in the city. As for the 'project' they spoke of, I have no idea what that may mean…"

Oluo doesn't reply, instead folding his arms and keeping silent.

Shifting a little, Petra is the next to speak.

"You've been though a lot…" she begins, eyes full of sadness. "I'm sorry…"

Avian lets out a breath in reply, keeping her gaze cast down.

"The hardest part is knowing that I'm now older than both my brothers, and it doesn't seem fair. Romulus was twenty-two, and Tolkien was only nineteen…" The ginger haired woman answers tentatively. "But the world is a cruel place, and I know that my sufferings are not one of a kind. It is selfish of me to woo to you of my troubles when you have trials of your own."

"No." Petra replies, giving the woman a small smile. "It helps to talk about things like this, and now we know you better. It brings people closer."

"She's right." Eren adds, "It felt like we knew you quite well before, but now we truly do. I… do have one question though."

Avian lifts her head to look at him.

"Yes?"

"Well…" Eren begins a bit hesitantly. "It's just you've been through so much and it's obvious that you don't trust people seeing as how… um…"

"I held you hostage when I greeted you?" Avian finishes.

Eren nods slightly in embarrassment.

"Yeah. I mean, I understand now why you acted the way you did, but something still bugs me." He says, taking a moment to word his question. "If you're so afraid of people, why did you let us stay?"

That is a question that I never realized I was bothered by, but now that Eren has put it into words, I feel its weight on me, and I suddenly long to know the answer.

Avian ponders a moment before answering.

"I let you stay because, though it is true that I fear people, I'm not cruel either. Once I realized you were no threat to me, I loathed to put you out. It would be evil for me to withdraw help when I can so readily give it to those who need it."

"That makes sense…" Eren starts, then stops when I cut him off.

"But that isn't all." I say, boring my gaze into Avian's.

"What do you mean? I have answered his question. What more do you want?"

"What I want to know," I say, leaning forward, "Is the whole truth. Considering the circumstances of your past, I doubt you can throw caution and fear to the wind after only a short discussion as you had with us. Yet you welcomed us and cared for us as if we are no threat to you. I find that hard to believe if you are as scared as you appear to be of people. What is the real reason you let us stay here?"

"That is the real reason." Avian counters, "Once I realized you were not like those men that came to capture me, I had no reason to fear you."

"We could be just as dangerous as they are." I say coolly. "That is no excuse. Are you really not afraid of what we can do to you?"

Avian considers me for a moment before answering.

"No."

I consider her back.

"Why?"

At this she bores her gaze into mine as if trying to read it, holding it there for long moment before replying.

"Do you want the honest answer?"

"Yes."

All ears listen in, and all the while her gaze never leaves mine. With a odd sense of confidence in her voice, she answers.

"I don't fear you because I'm confident in my ability to kill you."

Her words hang in the air, heavy in their weight. My squad all take turns to give looks to each other, each hanging on one simple word.

Kill.

It's such an ugly word, but she was honest, and her answer in fact shouldn't be that surprising. What reason would a titan shifter have to fear a small group of humans?

Satisfied, I lean back, resting against the wall. The quiet drones on, no one knowing what to say next or unwilling to say it out loud. Finally after what seemed like hours of nothingness, Avian stands.

"It is late and we're all tired. If that is all the questions you have for me, then I'm retiring."

Before we can even give her an answer, she cuts her way through the living room and disappears into the hall, closing the door to her sleeping room behind her.

"Well I guess that means we need to get some shut eye too." Gunther says, trying his best to sound normal. "In all honesty, I'm bushed, so I know the rest of you guys are."

"Gunther is right. Let's all turn in." Eld orders. "It's been a hell of a night for sure."

"It has…" Petra and Eren echo together before they make to stand and head to their room.

Nothing else is said as everyone disperses, and it isn't long before I change and find myself in bed, though there is no hope for sleep just yet. As I lay there, my mind is alive with images of men and books and blood, each thought as fleeting as the next.

I am no stranger to death, and I've seen and heard many horrible things in my lifetime; this was no different. But it doesn't keep the images from forming in my mind.

Her testimony brought up as many new questions as it had answered. Who were the men? What did they want? Where were they all from? Question after question roll in my head, and all I can do is shut my eyes and let them come.

No sleep comes for me, but as I lay there and listen to the barely audible sobs that seep through the wall from the basement room where Avian makes her pallet, I know that I'm not the only one.

***Authors Note***

_**UPDATED 10-14: **__**Fixed minor grammar errors and continuity errors.**_

Here's to another chapter guys, and I know I'm glad to know a little bit more about Avian's past, though….. What in the world did those men want her for? Is it really so important that they had no problem reverting to murder to get her? Questions, questions…. Anywho, as always, thank you for reading and be sure to leave your thoughts and comments in a review, for they are my life blood, and my review pool is awfully dry right now… Please don't let me go thirsty ;n; Until next time!

-Ambi


	6. A Risky Plan

Chapter 6:

**A Risky Plan**

At some point, I must have miraculously fell asleep, because when I open my eyes next, the room is bathed in sunlight. Cautiously, I sit up and try my best to blink the sleep from my eyes, feeling like the few hours of sleep I managed to slip in drug my energy down more that it brought it up.

'_Plus….' _I think, working the muscles in my body and arms. _'I freaking ache all over'_

All the stress from the previous day must have worn on me more than I originally thought it would, for it takes a grunt of effort to lift myself out of bed and change. Once dressed in a fresh pair of black trousers and a tan shirt, I skirt my way into the main room.

Everyone is already up, and as I enter, they turn and wave a welcome.

"Morning Corporal!" Petra sings from the kitchen, busying herself over a cup. "There is fresh tea in the pot by the fireplace, and I even found a little bit of honey to sweeten it up with in the cabinet here!"

I nod to her my thanks, taking a mug of my own and retrieve my own share, adding just a hint of honey before taking a sip.

'_It isn't coffee, but it'll have to do.' _I mull dully, taking another sip. _'Though this isn't half bad either.'_

Satisfied now that I know my beverage isn't terrible, I walk deeper into the living room and take up a spot on the wall, leaning by back against it.

"It's about time you woke up Corporal. It's not like you to sleep in." Gunther says from his normal place beside Eld on the couch, tea in hand.

"Yesterday was a lot to take in." Eld interjects, setting his cup on the table in front of him. "Honestly didn't sleep much myself."

"Same here." Eren says from the rocking chair, staring at his drink, deep in thought.

'_Now that I think about it….'_

Giving the room a quick once over, I realize that both Oluo and Avian are absent.

"Where are Oluo and Avian?" I ask no one in particular.

"Oluo went out to use the bathroom I think." Gunther answers. "I have no idea where Avian went though."

"She was awake before any of us." Eren adds, looking at me. "I heard her moving around real early this morning. But like Gunther, I don't know where she is..."

This information catches my interest a bit, but without much lead as to where the woman may have gone, all I can do is accept the statement and make myself comfortable. And for the next few hours, that is all we do.

The squad try their best to entertain themselves by playing cards and talking off and on, but after doing the same things over the past six days, it gets old fast. I watch them as I shuffle and reshuffle my numerous reports that I've written, reading them over and over almost compulsively due to boredom.

This repetition is slowly driving everyone's patience into the ground, and though it's common for someone such as Oluo to lose his temper often, even Petra and Eld with their level heads are obviously feeling the pressure, lashing out in frustration when they would normally be calm.

And all the while, Avian doesn't return, even as the sun rises past its highest position and begins to sink again, the ginger haired woman refuses to reappear.

"I'm telling you, that whore of a woman stole our horses!" Oluo explodes again for what seems like the hundredth time. "Why else would she and the horses be missing? And for this long? I spent an hour whistling trying to call them back and none did!"

"Stop Oluo, you've told us." Petra retorts, a sour look on her face. "Like we said before, why would she take them? For all we know, they could have gotten lose last night and ran off in the chaos of the battle. You saw the line they were tied to; snapped and on the ground."

Oluo grunts.

"Well if that's what you think, then where the hell is that damn woman then?"

"I don't know Oluo, but I'm telling you that there is nothing going on."

"That's bullshit and you know it. We finally learn about who she is, and then she just suddenly disappears out of the blue!? She is up to something, the snake. Hell, for all we know, she could have changed her mind about us and left us here to die!"

"She wouldn't do that…" Petra begins, but Oluo quickly cuts her off with a sneer.

"How can you even know Petra? We've only met the woman a few days ago and you talk as if you've been friends for ages."

At this Oluo hardens his face, looking at all of us in turn.

"What kind of person lives alone in the middle of damn titan territory their entire life? I mean, if what she said last night about her family moving out here is true, which it's not, why the hell would they do that in the first place!? What poor excuse for parents drag their kids out to live in the middle of nowhere!? If you ask me, something isn't right about that, and I'm damn sure Avian knows why but refuses to tell us. Which is another reason; She doesn't trust us."

"Of course she didn't at first, but…"

"But what Gunther? It's understandable? She nearly killed Eren, and for what!? If she's had that monster power the entire time, then why bother threatening us when she could have just run away? In fact, she WAITED for us, and snuck up on Eren when she knew he was alone."

"Oluo…"

"And last night! We ALL nearly died because of her! She claimed that nothing could penetrate these god forsaken woods of hers, but lo and behold, right when we start to get comfortable, all hell breaks loose. Titans fall from the sky, crushes our gear, nearly eats us, and what did she do? NOTHING. She could have just as easily shifted into that monstrosity of a titan and killed 'em before they ever became a problem. But no. She just stood by and watched as those beasts took us one by one. She even had the audacity to lure Corporal out there first!"

"All that wasn't her fault Oluo." Gunther interjects quickly, eyes hard. "That storm is what caused all that to happen, not her."

"So what? Doesn't change the fact that she was perfectly fine watching us die from her perch in the trees." Oluo cuts. "I bet you, now that we know the truth, she's going to kill us all, just like she did to those men all those years ago. She could be planning it out right now, and what better way to ensure we don't leave than to take our only mode of transportation out of here!? You all believe that she is just some poor lost girl in the woods with no family or friends, but you're wrong. She's a killer. She might even cut us up and eat us like the monster she is. I wouldn't put it past her… She is a bloody titan after all…"

"JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!"

The rocking chair Eren was sitting in crashes to its side on the floor, startling us all, and suddenly the brown haired teen is right in Oluo's face, fists clenched and face contorted with rage.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" he yells, "How can you say such cruel things after all that she's done for us!? We'd be dead if it wasn't for her! She let us into her home, let us wear her clothes and eat her food. She's been treating Gunther's leg since day one, and she saved all our lives last night whether you like it or not! I don't know what your problem is, but I won't just sit back and listen to you insult her and blame her for nothing! And that thing about her being a monster…" Eren says, suddenly very quiet. "… remember that she is exactly the same as I am. What makes her any different? You think you're so good at judging people, but your wrong. If you want to vent out your anger, fine. But leave her out of it."

Before I or anyone can make a move, Eren walks out the broken front door, slamming it behind him.

Up until then, I had been listening with only half an ear, feeling no need to intercede and unwilling to break up my squads much needed venting, even if it meant listening to Oluo rant and curse all day. But Eren's sudden outburst brought forth my attention, and his actions admittedly surprised me.

It was nothing new to see the young teen spending time with the woman, asking her questions or watching her work. He has this strange way about him that makes it easy for him to interact with strangers, and Avian's circumstances and age certainly made her an interesting character to get to know, so their interactions with each other fell beneath my notice. But ever since last night, I felt something change.

They both have something in common that is specific only to them now, their special ability that is unique to them. Up until this point, the only other shifter we know of, Annie Leonheart, is a traitor, and left a bad taste in our mouths about the loyalty and morality of other possible shifters.

But Avian is different, so it really shouldn't come as a surprise that Eren might forge a strong connection with the woman, even over such a short amount of time. Because of that, it's easy to surmise that any insult about her shifting ability could translate into an insult about himself seeing as they are one in the same.

"Damn brat." Oluo scoffs, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"That's enough Oluo."

At my voice he turns, looking as if he had forgotten I was there.

"You've said more than enough. If you still feel the need to release some of your frustration, how about doing something useful for a change. All your foul language is giving me a headache."

Oluo's chest falls slightly, the poor man looking almost embarrassed.

"B… but Corporal…"

"Enough. Go outside and help us all by chopping up some more firewood to cook our dinner with tonight."

Oluo looks as if he wants to say something, then thinks better of it, nodding to me before exiting, closing the front door behind him.

Once gone, I let out a soft sigh, running a hand through my hair.

"I'm sorry Corporal." Petra says quietly, causing me to look at her. "I don't know what's gotten in to him. You know he usually isn't this bad."

"He's just frustrated like the rest of us." Eld answers her in my place, lifting his head to look at the gaping holes in the ceiling. "Staying here with nothing to do is driving us all a little mad. The sooner we get out of here, the better."

"But how?" Gunther asks with a slight look of hopelessness. "Our horses are gone, most of our 3D movement gear is destroyed, and I'm a dead weight. As far as I can tell, we're stuck here unless any of you has a plan."

Nothing but silence greets his statement, and an uncomfortable feeling of uselessness burns in my chest.

To my loathing, there was no other plan. Without horses or gear, there is no way for us to traverse our way back to Wall Rose without getting killed, and there was no hope for a recon team to come for us. They would never travel this far, and even if they did, no one inside the walls knows where we are. More than likely, everyone back home believes we are all dead.

'_Damn it!'_

I can't help the clenching in my fist or the deepening frown on my face.

'_This is shit. All of it. This house, these woods, everything; I freaking hate all of it. We're stranded and there isn't a damn thing we can do about it!'_ I yell in my mind, glaring at the floor beneath my feet, then suddenly, all my anger dissolves.

A great wave of exhaustion envelops me then, leaning all of its weight upon my shoulders and heart. Never before have I ever felt so helpless. In everything, whether it be protecting myself or my comrades, consoling a grieving family, fighting titans many times larger than myself… There was ALWAYS a way to do something to fight back or fight on.

My resolve is as sharp as my swords, helping me cut my way though the darkest of times, no matter the circumstances or odds. But now… My swords and resolve mean nothing. They alone cannot take us safely home, nor can they provide any comfort. Nothing hurts more than knowing that I can do nothing for the squad who look so highly upon me. I'm a Lance Corporal, Humanities Strongest Soldier, yet all I can do is sit here and accept the fact that all of my skill and strength and determination are wasted in trying to solve our predicament.

'_What would Commander Erwin do in this situation? He'd be able to find a way out of here, so there must be something I'm missing..'_

I'm so deep in thought, I nearly jump at the sound of my name and look to see Eren in front of me.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Corporal," he begins. "but Avian is back with our horses."

"Are you serious? She had them the whole time!?" Petra exclaims, sounding both relieved and irritated at the same time.

"Where is she?" I ask, standing at attention.

"Just outside. She went around to tie up the hor…"

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO!?" Oluo suddenly yells outside the house.

"Tch. Great."

Without waiting, I barge my way through the front door, quickly making my way around the house before Oluo does something stupid.

"I KNEW I WAS RIGHT WHEN I SAID YOU TOOK OUR HORSES YOU BITCH!" Oluo yells again as Avian's voice says something of which I can't hear. "DON'T BE COY WITH ME. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS FISHY WITH YOU FROM THE START, SO GO AHEAD AND…"

"OLUO!"

In a flash, my fist crashes into the side of Oluo's face, forcing him to the ground from where he had been standing, digging his fingers into Avian's arms with a single hand raised as if to strike her.

Avian lets out a gasp and just stares at me, rubbing where Oluo had held her while I glare down at the tan haired man below me. He groans and sits up slowly, rubbing a hand over his cheek. He growls, letting out a curse, making to stand again, but as his gaze lifts and he sees me, he automatically wilts, a look of horror on his face.

"C… Corporal!" he stammers, and I can almost feel my eyes cutting into him.

"Do I need to re-educate you in discipline Oluo?" I say coldly, my words freezing him like shards of ice. "Part of being a soldier is learning to with-hold your words and actions. In fact it is the very first thing you were taught in training, and yet…" I narrow my eyes, "instead of adhering to my command, you decide it best to let your emotions take control of you. How embarrassing."

All the while Oluo trembles at my feet, shaking his head.

"No Corporal! I meant no disrespect! Honest! I just…!"

"I don't care what you have to say."

At that, the man's spirit seems collapse, and if one could look like a kicked puppy, he did.

"Whatever you do, make sure I don't see you for the rest of the night. Understood?" I order levelly, to which Oluo merely gapes at me. "Well?" I jibe, and at that, Oluo finally shifts, giving me a swift but half hearted nod and salute before scrambling away.

Once gone, I turn my attention back to the woman, who just stares at me a bit wide eyed. When my eyes meet hers, she quickly glances away, unable to keep my gaze.

"I thank you…" she begins meekly, but falls into silence under my presence.

"Where have you been?" I ask, voice just as cold as it had been with Oluo. "It was really stupid to disappear so suddenly with our horses considering your position."

"I didn't steal your horses." She replies swiftly, voice flat. "The clothes line snapped during the storm and let them loose. I departed this morning to retrieve them."

"Where are they?"

She motions to the trees, and I see three of them tied to a low lying branch.

"I couldn't locate the fourth, but your other horses are unharmed aside from a few abrasions."

I turn back around and consider her for a moment, eyeing her oddly clean and unruffled clothes.

"You're mighty well kept for someone who ran around the woods for a few hours."

"I shifted." She says carefully. "There was no way I could possibly apprehend them in human form."

I blink in answer, face neutral.

"So even in titan form, it took you most of the day to catch them?"

"I foraged in the forest as well. I was getting low on soap root, and I gathered as many herbs as I could to coat Gunther's leg for tomorrow."

I raise a brow at the last part of her statement, folding my arms.

"What's tomorrow?" I ask, watching her as she finally lifts her head.

"You all are leaving." She says simply.

The monotone of her voice and the prominent darkness under her eyes coupled with an overall exhausted look on her face intrigues me for a moment, but her statement draws me back to the situation at hand.

"What gives you the idea that we are leaving? If I recall, you even said yourself that Gunther is not fit for travel."

"That is true, but you have no choice." She replies flatly. "You are down to three horses, and you cannot afford to lose another. Riding double will be difficult as it is, but it is the only option you have if you wish to return home."

Her eyes bore into mine, and even though they are dull, possibly from her lack of sleep, they convey a level of seriousness that I cannot ignore.

"I assume you understand the gravity of this as well as I do." She continues. "Unless you can conjure up a better plan, leaving as soon as possible is your best option. I suggest we make our departure at dawn."

"'Our' departure?" I state, raising a brow again.

"Yes. Travel will be next to impossible as is, so I planned to take it upon myself to assist you as best I can."

"And how do you plan to help?"

Avian stares at me.

"I'll clear the path for you."

I wasn't expecting that kind of answer, but once said, an image of the child titan slicing through other titans comes to mind, and I suddenly see what she plans to do.

"You're saying you will kill the titans in our path for us." I state, to which she nods.

"I devised the best plan I could while hunting down your horses. It's a gamble I'll admit, but I believe it is the best we can do." She says, then motions back to the front of the house. "If you'd like, I'll explain it all inside so the others may hear as well."

I consider her a moment, then nod.

"Very well."

Without another word, she turns and takes off her bag from around her shoulders, heading inside with me on her heels. Once inside, Eld, Eren, Petra and Gunther watch the woman enter, but remain silent. Oluo is nowhere to be found. With a simple look at Eld, the blond haired man nods toward the first door to the right.

"He looked positively dreadful. What did you do to him Corporal?" he asks, cocking a brow.

"Nothing he didn't deserve."

Satisfied, Eld nods and leans back against the wall, Eren and Gunther watching me from the couch and Petra from the rocking chair.

While Avian attends to the contents in her bag, I coax out Oluo from this solitary confinement, making him stand beside me from where I lean back next to the fireplace.

All eyes are on me, waiting, and I in turn cast my gaze upon the ginger haired woman beside me.

"We are leaving tomorrow." She begins, catching everyone by surprise.

"Where is this coming from all of a sudden?" Gunther states, eyes darting to me for answer, but I ignore him, letting Avian do all the talking.

"If you all wish to get back home, you can't wait any longer." Avian answers, continuing before anyone else can interrupt. "All your horses escaped during the night, but I only managed to find three of them. That is where I have been since early this morning." She states, killing their question before they can even ask it. "As it is now, all of you will be forced to ride double, so staying here any longer with the chance of losing another horse is something that you cannot afford. I am fully aware that you are nowhere near healed Gunther," she says, looking at the brown haired man. "but if you have any hope of returning, we have no choice but to take you as you are and hope your wound holds up. It will be strenuous, and it is entirely possible for the roughness of the journey ahead to jolt your stitches lose, but it is a price that you must be willing to pay."

"As long as we make it, I don't care what I go through." Gunther states. "Honestly, it can't get any worse that it was before."

"But how will we make it?" Petra asks, looking earnestly up at the woman. "We barely made it out alive with all our horses. How can we manage with three? And thanks to that horde last night, almost all our gear is destroyed…"

"I'm aware of all that, which is another reason why we must go ahead and make our move." Avian answers. "And for what it's worth, I've come up with the best plan I could to get you through the walls."

At that, everyone is all ears, including Oluo, who looked to have only been listening halfheartedly until then.

Eld rests his head upon his fist in thought, contemplating the woman ahead of him.

"What plan do you have in mind?"

"A gamble, but it's the only one that has a chance of succeeding." She replies. "All it involves is for you six to stay on your horses and not stop."

"Stay on our horses? What about the titans?"

"That is where I come in." Avian answers, much to everyone's surprise.

"How?" Eren breaths, looking up at her.

With a shrug of her shoulders, Avian replies.

"I will kill them for you."

Everyone just blinks as she continues.

"The goal we must set is to make sure the horses can make the journey. This involves taking them at a medium pace to avoid over exertion, and abstaining from combat. To accomplish this, I've decided to accompany you on my own horse. You all will ride, avoiding giants as best you can, and in instances where combat is inevitable, such as when we must pass through the district, I will shift and take the lead, disposing of any giants in your way."

Silence precedes her for a moment, until Eren speaks.

"Can you really do all that? By yourself?"

"You all have seen what I can do." Avian answers. "I may not be strong, but there is no giant quicker than I. Fields and open spaces limit my prowess, but congested areas such as forests, or a town in this case, give me means to maneuver with ease. Agility is my strongest attribute, and I have full confidence in my ability to kill any titan we may encounter inside. All I ask is for you to stay close and let me protect you. It's imperative that the horses do not become exhausted, otherwise you will be easy bait."

With that, Avian looks at each of us in turn.

"I know it is a lot to ask of you, but I need you to trust me. I promise that no harm will come to any of you."

No one answers her, but the sheer emotion in her voice leaves next to no doubt in any of our minds.

After a few moments, Avian shifts, uncomfortable under their constant gaze and silence.

"Th… that was all I wished to say." She tells us finally, looking everywhere but at the audience watching her.

Eld leans back and crosses his arms, casting a thoughtful look my way.

"You're okay with this Corporal?"

I nod.

"It's a risk, but it's the best chance we've got, even with the limited knowledge of Avian's abilities."

"I can help Corporal." Eren interjects, to which I shake my head.

"Not only is your shifting power unreliable at best, your size makes it impractical for what we plan to do. The entire goal is to cut through the district as quickly as possible, and not stop until we reach the wall. Shifting would only slow us down, and we still have no way of knowing if you'd be able to shift in the first place, not to mention you might mistake us for enemies. Don't forget what happened at Trost."

At this Eren wilts his head but doesn't argue.

"What makes Avian any better?"

I turn my attention to Oluo, but he rightfully keeps his voice and gaze lowered.

"I mean, we saw her shift once for, like, thirty seconds. How can you be so confident in her abilities?"

'_At least he's making a valid argument, unlike before…'_

"Truth is, I don't know."

Oluo lifts his head, along with the others, listening, and I can feel Avian's eyes on me.

"From what we've seen, I think it is safe to say that her specific skill is impressive. And to my eyes, she had no problem maintaining control, unlike Eren. Seeing as you've lived here all your life," I continue, addressing the ginger woman. "I assume that you've had a long time to master your shifting ability. You even used it to retrieve our horses for us. Is that right?"

Avian nods.

"Not to mention, you said that you were in titan form for more than a few years." I add, to which she nods again. "As it stands, words and a short demonstration are not enough to convince us of your competence. It would be foolish for us to assume and overestimate your ability, and entrusting you with our lives is completely out of the question…."

The air is so thick that I feel it rest on my shoulders.

"But… Given our circumstances, it is a risk we must take if any of us wish to get out of this damn hellhole." I state, looking at each of my subordinates in the eye. "None of us can say how things will turn out, but at least with her on our side, our chances for survival are better, even by a little. I'll ask each of you now to make a choice; you can either trust in your own abilities and judgment, or trust in ours."

Turning, my eyes lock onto Avian's, bright and blue in the evening light. As I look, a part of me tries to decipher what she is thinking, to dig my gaze into hers and follow it down to where her soul rests. Her expression isn't hidden, but it's difficult to figure out what sort of emotion glitters in her eyes. Determination? Apprehension? Confidence? Whatever it may be, something deep inside me seems to settle down; a gut feeling I suppose.

Even with next to no knowledge of her talent, I'm surprised to find how easy it is for me to put my faith in her. Until now, the only person of whom has my complete trust is Commander Erwin. He just emits a kind of… air… about him that eases the mind. His confidence is infectious, his strength is palpable, he was born to be a soldier, a leader.

Even as I look at her, a similar feeling comes over me. It's not exactly the same, she doesn't have the attitude of a soldier, but the confident air around her is similar, and even as mysterious as she is, something about her just seems… open.

'_Plus,' _I remind myself again. _'She trusted her life to us the moment she agreed to let us stay here.'_

Something like determination fills me, and I turn back to my waiting squad, all watching me with baited breath. All their lives are in my hands, and whether they live or die is determined by my decision here.

"I trust her." I say finally. "Whether you do the same is up to you."

Stillness rests between us, and I can almost see the mental battle waging in each of their heads.

Oluo stares at the ground, arms crossed, Eld watches something outside the window, Petra and Gunther look at each other, having silent conversation between them, and Eren keeps his eyes glued to , he is the first to stand.

At the movement, the entire squad turns to watch as he walks over to Avian, sort of catching her by surprise, and gently rests his hand on her shoulder.

"I trust you." He says to her, causing a slight bewildered look to come across the woman's face, and he nods to me, a silent understanding.

With a single, soft laugh, Eld moves next, placing his hand on her other shoulder with a slight smile.

"Me too."

Soon, Petra and Gunther make their way together, Gunther hobbling on his makeshift cane, though a grin brightens his face.

"If you've got Eld and Corporal's trust, then you have mine." He says, patting her arm.

"Mine too!" Petra smiles next, grabbing Avian's hand in her own. "You saved us all before. I haven't known you for long, but I know what kind of person you are." She says, looking at the woman. "I know you'll do your best."

Avian smiles back at her, looking genuinely pleased.

Once Petra steps to stand beside her, all our eyes fall to Oluo who keeps his gaze on the floor. Seconds of uncomfortable silence follow as he shuffles his feet, mumbling something incoherent under his breath.

After what feels like hours, he finally stands, stuffing his hands into his pockets and slowly makes his way to stand in front of Avian. He doesn't lift his head, and Avian considers him, waiting patiently. With a grunt, Oluo finally speaks, gruff but thankfully without accusation.

"Just don't get us killed."

Avian nods, wearing an expression similar to one a soldier gives their superior.

"I won't."

Something in the atmosphere shifts then. It's unclear exactly what, but for the moment, we are no longer separate.

Suddenly, there is no 'Levi's Squad' and 'Avian'. There is only a group of people wishing to return home. For now, Avian is one of us, and as I look at her, a mix of emotions mingle inside of me, switching so quick that I can't identify any of them. I don't understand why, but this woman perplexes me. From the story we've heard of her past, she has no reason to offer any help to us.

'_And yet….'_ I think, watching her smile at my squad.

She offered her home to us; her food, clothing, time. What reason does she have to give out such generosity? And as I think, flashes of her come to mind; cooking dinner for us, washing our soiled uniforms, nursing Gunther, listening earnestly to us about our homes and families… She did it all with a sort of charity that is truly genuine.

Now that I think of it, I can't recall ever hearing her complain, or even come close to making us feel unwelcome. Sure, she hid her history from us, and the first few days where unbearable awkward, but other than that…

'_It's like she's missed having people around.'_ I conclude suddenly.

Even after the hardship she's been through, she still has her humanity intact. Sure, her social skills could use some work, and she even admitted to killing humans before, but really, she seems like a truly good person, despite her flaws and past deeds.

'_Why am I thinking of all this now?'_ I ponder, and find myself unable to answer.

The thought hangs in the back of my mind, even as we all go about the rest of the day. It makes me watch her as the day darkens, and I can't help but notice her every action and word, though I don't know why I'm putting in the effort.

I watch her as she stirs our dinner in its cauldron, as she sips her warm tea, as she laughs at one of Gunther's stories, as she tilts her head to hear better. I watch as she fiddles with the ornament on her necklace whenever a serious topic is being discussed, watch her eyes gaze into the distance, deep in thought, watch as she washes the dirty dishes, careful to get every spot.

Even now as I lay in bed with my arms behind my head, staring at the ceiling above me, I see her face.

'_She is certainly an interesting character.'_

Like a flash, the scene from earlier in the evening comes to light. Again I see Oluo with his hands on Avian, and again I see her startled expression as I knocked the man to the ground.

'_Why…..'_ I ponder, watching it over and over in my head, brow furrowing. _'… did I react like that?'_

I know that I'm more composed than that, and I haven't raised my fist to anyone in a long time. Oluo was enraged, but as foul mouthed and trigger tempered as he is, I've known him long enough to understand that he isn't the kind of man to actually physically take out his anger on others, even if it looks like he might.

I understand perfectly well that he was as frustrated as all of us, and his suspicions were not misguided or irrelevant. I knew that before it all happened, and yet…

'_The moment I saw his hands on her, I snapped.'_

I sigh and rub a hand through my hair.

'_What is my deal? In all honestly if positions were switched, I'd have probably done the same as him.'_

I'm not above resorting to violence to get the answers I need, everyone in my squad knows this. They saw it happen the day of Eren's trial. I had no ill will toward the boy, but with the circumstances, his pain was worth our gain. If need be, I'd do it again to get what I want.

In fact, if this entire situation had been different, I would have beaten the answers out of the woman the first day. With my squads safety on the line, I don't have the luxury of being able to keep much of my humanity. It's kill or be killed, a lesson I have lived by my entire life.

'_So why was this different?'_

No matter how much I wonder, no answers come. I'm as confused by my own actions as I'm sure the others are, and all this thinking has done nothing but make my head hurt.

With another sigh, I shift to lay on my side, and my eyes bore into the wall as if I can will myself to see Avian asleep on the other side. For just a moment, I wonder what she is thinking. If all goes as planned and we make it to Wall Rose in one piece, what will she do then?

An optimistic feeling twitches in my chest, and I make good to kill it quickly.

'_She has no choice but to return here. There is no way she could come with us, and even if the Garrison allow her, there is no guarantee that she would stay with us. She's made it quite clear to us that she's afraid of people, and with her shifter ability, there would undoubtedly be another struggle between the Recon Corps and the Military Police for right to keep her. We barely won the right to keep Eren, and he is one of our own people... There is no telling what they would do to a strange woman from outside the walls with shady history, especially after the incident with Annie Leonheart. They would probably kill her.'_

I blink once more at the wall ahead of me before closing my eyes.

'_Whatever comes, tomorrow with probably the last we see of her.'_ I think, and as the nudging fingers of darkness lull me closer to sleep, I'm unsure of how I feel about leaving her behind.

***Authors note***

_**UPDATED 10-14:**__** Fixed minor grammar errors and continuity errors.**_

Hello my darlings! Six chapters in and this might be the last we see of Avian!? What!? Anywho, not much to say on this except that I hope everything goes well for them tomorrow. As always, leave your thoughts and comments in a review for they are my life blood and I'll see you all next Tuesday/Wednesday!

-Ambi


	7. Returning Home

Chapter 7:

**Returning Home**

Dawn comes too soon, stirring me out of bed with its unnatural coolness. Though apprehension stirs the air, much of the morning passes in a blur as each individual takes to their own, packing what little belongings they have.

Conversation stays at a minimum as we each take our own share of breakfast, a meager meal of heated tea and cooked potatoes dug from Avian's garden.

It's the same before every expedition, and even for seasoned veterans like us, there is always a sort of weight that hangs above us, a knowledge that, for all we knew, this could be our last day alive. No one admits it, but as I stand and assess my squad as they eat, I see anxiety on their faces like a shadow, eyes distant while they ponder the events that they might encounter.

It would not be an easy task, even with Avian's help. Too much can change in a short amount of time and the future is impossible to predict. That is probably the hardest realization to deal with for those in the Recon Corps. No matter how prepared you may feel, or how well a plan may seem, no one can know for sure how things will turn out, and that feeling of knowing you have no control is maddening.

The only one who seems to not carry such a burden is Avian for, once again, she is absent.

"How is she not nervous?" Gunther mutters to himself in between bites. "It's like this doesn't even faze her…."

"Maybe she's just good at hiding it." Eren chimes in hopefully.

Gunther just shrugs, finishing the last of his tea and leans back, resting his head on the back of the couch.

"Who knows… She hasn't eaten, so maybe tending the horses is her way of calming down."

"What does she have to be scared of anyway…" Oluo pipes, brushing his mouth on his sleeve. "...seeing how she is a shifter and all."

"That doesn't make her any less human Oluo." Petra answers him with a slight scowl, to which the man just shrugs and stands, working out a crick in his neck.

"Whatever. I'm getting dressed."

Petra suddenly stands as he passes, exclaiming "Wait! Let me get my uniform out first!"

Stuffing the last of her breakfast in her mouth, she dashes in front of him and into the room, returning a few seconds later with her uniform as well as Eren's throwing the teen's clothes at him.

"We all might as well get changed." Eld says, standing from where he sat on the couch. "We'll be leaving soon."

Without another word, he leaves, shutting himself in the back room. Once he disappears, I turn to Gunther, asking "Need help?"

"Nah…" he replies, shaking out his pants. "I can put a little weight my leg now, so I should be okay, though would it be fine for me to leave the straps off? It's not like I have any gear to attach them to anyway."

"That's fine. Just put them in your pack. I'm not coming back if you forget them."

"Will do Corporal."

Now that everyone has dispersed and there is nothing else to do, I make my way outside.

Having already changed into my own uniform, there is not much left to do except retrieve my gear and saddle the horses, so with a grunt and shove to open the front door, I step into the chill morning.

Clouds cover the entire sky and cold dew still clings to everything around me, coating my boots and making them glisten.

'_Seems the unusual weather is still holding out.'_

Even though it is deep into the summer, a brisk breeze slightly chills me and dampens my clothes with vapor.

Making my way around the house, I find Avian in her usual routine; feeding and tending the horses while she runs a belt under the belly of one of our own stallions, attaching a saddle to its back. Surprisingly, it seems the woman already saddled all our horses, each tied to a tree by their reins.

"I hope you don't mind me preparing your horses." The woman says, adjusting the reins on my own horse.

I keep silent as she raises her other hand to stroke the black mare's muzzle.

"They know something is happening today." She continues, turning to me. "They keep staring down the trail that leads to the lake. Though it is not in the direction which we need to travel, they know that paths like that lead outside. It seems to me your animals can feel your anticipation from inside, and they are eager to set off."

I consider her for a moment, casting her a questioning glance.

"How do you know all this?" I ask, though in all honestly I'm not that interested in her answer as much as I am trying to figure out her state of mind.

Avian lets out a small sarcastic grin.

"With a horse as your only companion for a good number of years, you pick up on some things." She chides, then frowns slightly, turning her gaze to the mare gnawing at her dark green blouse. "It's actually unbearably pathetic to be honest…"

The hand petting my horse stops, and I watch her gaze out into the trees.

"You and your company are the first people I have interacted with in more than ten years…" She says wistfully, lost in thought for a second before coming back to herself.

She lets her hand fall and walks the mare to the others, tying her to a branch.

"When will the others be ready? We need to depart as soon as possible." She says over her shoulder.

"They are changing now. Gunther should be the last to get ready, but since you saddled our horses, we'll be ready to leave once he finishes."

Avian nods.

"Good." She says, holding her bangs back with a small hand as a breeze blows her ginger hair into her face. "The weather is cold and clouded, but I don't believe it will rain, which is just as well. Travel will be much easier on dry ground."

I grunt to let her know I heard her and look around.

"Where is your own horse?"

"Stonewall is near. I will call for him once we are ready to leave."

I nod, and from there, the next ten minutes or so pass by in silence.

Half way through, Avian heads back inside the house to change herself and bandage Gunther's leg, and soon enough, everyone is outside, Oluo helping Gunther outside, the injured man tenderly making his way to the group.

"So how… _***hop* **_…are we gonna… _***hop* **_…do this Corporal?" he asks, coming to a stop on the side of the house, leaning against it to prop himself.

I consider him as Petra, Eld, and Eren settle in, folding my arms.

"Pretty much how Avian has already planned it." I start, casting a side glance at the woman beside me before continuing. "All of us will ride double; Oluo with Petra, Eren with Eld, and Gunther with me. Avian will travel on her own horse. Due to Eld and I being the only ones with usable gear, we will travel in a diamond formation with me at the head and Eld at the rear. Once we reach the Wall Maria gate, Avian will take the lead in titan form and clear the way for us. Once inside, it is crucial that no one break formation or engage in combat unless it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Our focus is to reach the opposite gate as quickly as possible without titan contact."

I pause for a moment to look at Eren, silently imposing my last statement on him to which he understands immediately.

_'No shifting.'_

"Once we make it back outside, we will make a beeline for the Wall Rose gate. Until we reach Rose, there is no stopping for ANYTHING. Understood?"

My squad all reply in unison, each giving a salute.

"Yes sir!"

"Dismissed."

Everyone disperses, and Eld and Petra retrieve the horses, Eld bringing mine to me. Beside me, Avian mutters something, to herself more than likely, and turns to the woods, letting out her usual three note call; the first long and low, the next two quick and high pitched. In seconds, her behemoth of a stallion strides into the clearing, turning his great head to gaze at the activity before him.

'_She must have saddled him this morning as well.'_ I think, eyeing the beast.

While my squad all begin to mount their steeds, and I on mine, Avian fusses over a quilt draped over the gray horse's back, tugging it from where is is secured by a light assembly of brown leather straps attached to a saddle, if you could call it that. In all honestly it looks like nothing more than a broad sheet of worn leather with a large, thick strap wrapping around the bottom of the horse and two thin hoops of leather on each side acting as stirrups.

'_Looks like she put a damn rubber band on him, he's so massive.' _I think before turning and hoping onto my own horse.

"Alright Corporal, you ready for me?" Gunther asks, hobbling to the side of me.

I nod, grasping his hand in mine and, with Oluo's help and great effort, we manage to drag him on, Gunther letting out soft curses the entire time.

"I'll be so glad once we get home. I could use a vacation." He grunts, adjusting his legs so he doesn't fall off.

"At least the wrapping is holding well." Avian calls, gazing over Gunther's wound from where she stands and the edge of the woods next to Stonewall. "How does it feel?"

"Like freaking hell…" he grits, "… but it's fine I guess. Stitches sting like a mother…!"

"As long as they do not come lose, you'll be fine." She replies. "Let us just hope it holds out."

"We'll see."

Avian nods, looking over our party, each person mounted and saddled.

"Everyone ready?"

"Ready as we'll ever be." Eld answers.

Avian nods, giving her dark blue blouse and tan trousers a tug before turning to pat Stonewall's neck.

'_Now this I have to see…'_ I think, suddenly interested in seeing just how this minuscule woman will be able to mount that mountain of a beast. _'She's two heads short of his withers. How the hell…'_

Before I can even finish my thought, the great beast lowers his head. Avian confidently lays her hands on the back of his neck near the head, and with no effort it seems on his part, Stonewall lifts his head and the girl with it. She only dangles for a fraction of a second before she swings her right leg up and over his back, sliding herself into the saddle.

"Didn't think you'd make it." Oluo says, only half kidding around.

"You have to get creative sometimes." is her only reply, and she fits her feet into the leather hoops.

"W… wait." Gunther stutters, watching her. "What about reins?"

Now that I look, there are none. In fact, the only gear she has on that horse is that pitiful excuse for a saddle and the quilt.

At his question, Avian laughs, sort of catching him off guard with her playful tone.

"I don't require them." She smiles, and without waiting for a reply, she nudges the stallion under her with her thighs and he trots off, Avian's arms resting limply in between her legs.

"Well then…"

I feel Gunther shrug his shoulders as we set off to follow her. Soon enough, we are all in single file, snaking our way through the dense forest at Avian's lead, though from what I can tell, she isn't directing her horse at all, instead letting him trot unbidden.

Around a mile or so in, Avian turns around, shifting herself so she sits side saddle so she can look at me.

"So tell me…" She begins, "… this second gate that leads out of the district, where is it located?"

"Directly ahead on the other side of the wall. A large main road connects the two. It's a straight shot." I tell her, to which she nods.

"And from there…?"

"It's open country. We will need to keep a straight path to make it to the Wall Rose gate."

"I see. Here's to hoping there are no giants to bar our path outside. I'm limited on what I can do on open ground."

"Same here." Gunther says, leaning slightly to look at her. "Without buildings or trees, our 3D movement gear is pretty useless. It's even worse now that our horses are bogged down like this. We won't be able to out run them."

"As long as we don't stop, I'll come up with something to keep the giants off us." Avian states, staring into the trees. "Perhaps I can take our their ankle tendon. That may procure enough time without expending too much energy…"

Avian falls silent, lost in her own thoughts and not even paying attention to the trail before us.

Gunther shifts, watching the woman as she sways in time with her horses steps. Finally, he makes a noise to get her attention.

"Hey Avian…"

The ginger blinks and turns to him.

"Yes?"

"Where are we going exactly?" he asks cautiously. "It just looks like we're walking randomly. Aren't you supposed to be watching where you're going?"

"I could.." she says with a slight smile, "...but there really is no need for me to."

She motions to the forest around us with her hands.

"This wood is as much a part of my home as the house where I stay, and over the years I have memorized every part of it. I find it safe to say that I know these woods better than you know your own housing quarters."

"That's… difficult to believe." Gunther states plainly. "I know you've been here all your life, but still. All of it?"

Avian nods.

"I spend more time in the outdoors that I do inside." She replies, turning fully around on her horse so she sits backward, a leg on each side. "I have run this land top to bottom, both out of necessity and enjoyment. The close packed trees here are perfect for me to climb and test my abilities, and I've spent countless hours traversing acre upon acre just for the joy of it."

Looking down at the ground for a moment to look at a passing stump, she suddenly smiles and lifts her gaze back to both of us.

"Would you like me to prove it to you?"

Before Gunther can answer, Avian lets out a confident half laugh.

"Hold on and duck."

Quickly hunching over the rump of her steed and ducking her head, Stonewall suddenly picks up speed, our horses on his tail, and after a few strong gallops the stallion makes a massive leap, clearing the robust trunk of a giant fallen tree while hanging his head to avoid an overhang of thick branches from another tree above.

Even with her warning, the sudden obstacle catches both Gunther and I off guard, making us nearly hit both of our heads on the limbs above us as our horse speeds up and jumps, jolting us in the saddle. Once through, I turn around to check to make sure everyone else makes it through, which they do with varying degrees of success.

Petra makes it over okay, though Oluo cracks his head on the branch, snapping his teeth on his tongue. Eld and Eren have to stop and brace themselves before making it through the gap, but they do so unscathed.

Once everyone is through, I turn my attention ahead again and see none other than Avian still seated comfortably backwards, a small, cheeky grin on her face.

"Will that proof suffice?" she asks, having cleared the block with practiced ease.

Gunther returns her stare, then shrugs, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I guess so."

Avian nods, moving to turn frontwards again.

"We will be out soon." She says, then swings herself forward again.

I hear Gunther sigh and shake his head.

"That woman sure is something…" he whispers, half to himself.

'_She certainly is.'_ I respond mentally, watching the woman ahead of me, a bit intrigued by her unexpected confidence. _'It seems she is more at home in these dirty ass woods than anywhere else.'_

Just like she said we would, Avian clears the edge of the trees only a few minutes after saying so, letting me take the lead. Once outside, the next half hour or so go by in silence, each man and woman occupied by their own thoughts.

The sky remains dark and clouded, but there is no sign of rain, and the earth beneath our horse's hooves is thankfully solid and dry.

Most surprising, though, is the lack of titans. Even after having traveled a long ways from the safety of the forest, there are no titans in sight.

"It seems that storm from before has cleared out most all of the giants in this area." Avian comments beside me, looking around.

"Damn riddance. Less I see of those overgrown cannibals, the happier I'll be…"

Avian casts a half questioning, half mocking glance to me.

"You're capable of happiness? I wouldn't have surmised seeing as how you've never even come close to revealing a smirk the entirety of this past week..."

"So you're an expert on me now?" I scorn, "You're as stupid as you look if you believe that."

"It was just an observation. In all honesty, you could deal to lighten up. I can't envision how your squad is able to keep up moral with such a surly leader."

"If you're trying to get me to change then you might as well shut the hell up now." I glare, drawing my horse closer to hers so I can stare right into her eyes. "The only problematic person I see here is some bitch too damn happy about leading us through a death infested city. You excited to see your titan friends? Is that it?"

At my comments, Avian's eyes narrow and her lips draw into a line.

"It seems I have also overestimated your capacity to take a friendly jeer." She replies. "You do realize that I can revoke my earlier offer to accompany you and your team and return home at any point, right?"

She lets that hang in the air a moment before continuing.

"Though I do not understand or appreciate your sudden sour attitude, I cannot bring myself to abandon you and your squad. But I must say you are right in one aspect... I may be a monster…" she says, boring her bright blue eyes into mine. "… but I am not one to endorse slaughter."

Before I can reply, she taps her hands to Stonewall's neck, urging him faster until she is a few horse lengths ahead of me, ginger hair flying.

"Hey Corporal..." Gunther mutters behind me. "Was that really necessary? She is helping us after all…"

"It won't matter once we are on the other side of the wall." I reply, keeping my eyes straight ahead. "My only concern is getting us through the district alive, and why the hell should I care about her? After she gets us through the gate, she'll disappear into that damn forest of hers again."

I feel the brown haired man shift as if he wants to say something, but keeps quiet.

We ride on, the wall coming closer and closer until it is upon us. It stands like a giant cliff face, dividing our world from the dangerous and unknown world outside. Despite its great size, ahead of us yawns a massive hole where the gate used to be, a large breach in our esteemed defenses.

It is impossible to see what lays beyond it, but already adrenaline begins to pump though my veins, becoming stronger and stronger the closer we ride.

"This is it!" I yell to my squad behind me, drawing out my swords. "Stay close and avoid combat at all costs!"

The sound of steel being unsheathed answers me, and I know that they are ready.

At one hundred meters, I train my eyes on Avian, watching as she rides ahead. One seventy five meters, Avian uses her stirrups to nimbly hop onto Stonewall's back, balancing on the saddle on the balls of her feet. Fifty meters, Avian lets out a long, even whistle and pats once on her steeds neck, a signal. Twenty five meters… twenty meters… fifteen meters…

Only when the light passing through the hole touches her does she move.

With practiced skill, I watch as, on her command, Stonewall suddenly moves to make a hard left, almost throwing his entire side profile to the gap. With the sudden momentum, Avian leaps, thrown by her horse's strength into the air. And there she hangs, flying for just the quickest of seconds, and when she just begins to start dropping back to earth, she shifts.

A great cloud of steam temporarily blocks my view, but the next second a pair of feet hit the ground, and Avian dashes into the open, moving so fast her body is blurred. The Child Titan rushes into the district on all fours, it's extended claws digging into the ground with each step.

Almost at once, we break through the breach, and with a quick look around three titans are already upon us. I clench the reins.

"Don't stop!" I yell, snapping the horse under me into a full sprint, three other pairs of hooves following me.

Full speed ahead, I watch as the Child Titan shoots itself up onto the building to my right, scurrying up its face with amazing speed. Without hesitation, the titan leaps when it reaches the top, propelling itself at the nearest titan, a ten meter, slicing the back of its neck with ease.

The child titan lands, then immediately leaps again, tearing down the other two titans in one blow before the first body can even hit the ground.

'_Such speed…'_

Before we know it, our path is clear, and I charge on ahead, Avian keeping pace with us upon the rooftops.

"That's unbelievable!" Gunther shouts. "I've never seen a titan move so quick!"

"It's not over yet! Pay attention!" I chide him as another titan peers its head out behind a building to our left.

The child titan sees and flies into action, leaping across the road to the other side, landing on the side of the roof, using it's angle to propel itself forward. Since the titan is facing us, Avian purposely overshoots it, landing sideways on the chimney of the next building and reverses course, taking out the titan from behind.

As it falls, I steer to the right to avoid being crushed. Once passed, a scream erupts behind me, and Petra calls out my name. Looking back, a smaller titan hidden by the structure on the opposite side of its larger brother reaches out a grubby hand. Wind buffs my hair abruptly, and from the corner of my eye, Avian slices the fingers of the offending monster, digging her claws into the ground to slow herself and turns around with gusto, taking out the nape of its neck. Soon, the smaller body is out of sight as we turn a soft corner around one of the districts few bell towers, the Child Titan not far behind.

A few moments of peace pass, no titans in sight, though I know that the sound of hooves will likely attract every damn one of them before long.

Back on the main road, the Child Titan kills five more; two ten meters, two fifteen meters, and a five meter, throwing up pillars of steam to mark our path.

We are making good progress, but just around halfway through, Avian leaps from the body of another kill, and I can see her beginning to falter. With each titan, she reacts slower and slower, and after each leap, lands heavier and heavier.

'_For all her swiftness, there's a cost.' _I suddenly realize, watching her try and hide where her foot slips out from under her. _'She sacrifices endurance and power for agility and speed.'_

And it's beginning to run out. Scowling, I spy two titans ahead, both fifteen meters, and lift my swords.

"Get ready!"

Gunther tenses behind me and as we draw closer, the titan nearest spots us and lets out a monstrous grin, then begins to run at surprising speed, its arms stretched out for us.

'_Damn it! An aberrant!'_

"Watch out!"

Raising my swords, the titan is already upon us. It reaches, and as I make to slice the damn thing's fingers off, Avian is suddenly in front of me, hitting the fifteen meter with such force her claws dig into the flesh of its chest and arm up to her knuckles and knocks it back, out of our way.

Steering clear, the other titan is easier to deal with, and I cut at it as it passes, it's fingers landing beside me. It's so distracted by my action that it lets out an inhuman scream, allowing the rest of my team to slip by.

Thankfully, no more are ahead of us at the moment, and I turn, taking stock of my squad. All seem uninjured, though their expressions are all of terror.

"Corporal!" Eld yells from the back, Eren hanging onto him from behind. "Avian is still behind us!"

And he is right. I look back the way we came, but I see no sign of her or the two fifteen meters anywhere.

'_Did they kill her?'_

And if they did, what could any of us do? We have no choice but to go forward.

"Keep going!" I order, staring at each soldier in turn. "We don't stop until we reach the gate!"

Without waiting for a reply, I face forward again and snap the reins, surging on. We encounter a handful of titans along the way, though thankfully they are small and easy to avoid but even as we near the gate, there is no sign of Avian anywhere, and I have no problem believing that she is dead.

She was already weakening, and her size is so small, a fifteen meter would have no problem squashing her underfoot or ripping her apart.

I can't help but glance at the gray stallion following beside me, his pitiful saddle empty.

"Is there no way to wait for her?" Gunther asks behind me, following my gaze.

"No. Never lose sight of the objective."

I hear the man sigh, but say nothing more.

Making our way around another bell tower, the inner gate comes into view and for a moment, it looks like we are home free. But just as we begin our final sprint, handfuls of titans, both large and small, appear on both sides, having followed the sound of our horses up to this point. It'll be a miracle if we make it out alive.

One hundred meters… I brace myself, blades ready. Fifty meters… My squad draws in behind me. Twenty meters and closing… The monsters turn their eyes on me, and everything seems to slow down. Closer and closer, until contact is made.

Blades meet flesh, and we dash under their hands, slicing our way to safety. Surrounded on all sides, we push, the sound of bodies falling to the ground around us.

'_Wait… we aren't killing anything…'_

Something screeches above us, and in a sudden hailstorm of clawing and cutting, the monsters ahead of me fall, clearing the path ahead. In the next moment, I hear everyone let out a mix of triumphant yells and gasps as one by one, titans fall, their flesh torn everywhere from their necks and ankles to their arms and thighs.

Somehow, the child titan caught up with us, and with vengeful speed, it cuts down the monsters around us, slashing any piece of flesh it can dig its claws into.

With the sound of steam and titan yells behind us, we break through the gate, bursting forth in a run out into the open, grass and space on all sides.

"We made it!" Gunther yells, throwing up his arms, and everyone joins in with yelps of their own.

"To hell with those bastards!" Oluo shouts.

'_We did make it…'_

With no titan in sight, I cautiously slow our pace to a trot and look behind me at the wall, waiting. My squad follows suit, each pair of eyes glued to the entrance and watching with baited breath.

Seconds pass, and nothing happens. But just as it seems all is lost, a figure appears in the archway, slowly making its way to us.

Eld turns to me, a hard expression on his face.

"Let's turn back and get her."

With a nod, we change course and head back, watching as the child titan slowly walks forward.

It's long claws have all but broken off, leaving only jagged, dirt covered stubs behind, and its hair is a wild swatch of ginger, windswept and tangled. As we near, it lifts its head, watching us for a moment, then sulks, falling to the ground in a heap.

Steam erupts from the form as we come to a stop a few feet away, and from the corpse Avian slowly rises. Even from where I stand, I can hear her heavy breathing as she pushes herself shakily up, her bottom half still attached to her titan.

Watching her struggle, Eren slides off Eld's horse and without a word walks over to the woman, one foot on the arm of the titan and both his hands pulling at the flesh still encasing the lower half of her body.

"You okay?" he asks, working the tissue gently away inch by inch, seemingly unaffected by the body's heat.

"Y… yes." She answers with shortness of breath, hair clinging to her drawn face. "I just… need a moment."

Eren nods then frowns, tugging at the flesh that has suddenly stopped giving. He lets out a disgruntled sigh and turns around.

"Hey Eld, can I use a blade to cut her out?"

In answer, my second in command simply hops off his horse and draws a blade, walking to stand beside Eren.

"Move over a bit." He says, then carefully pushes the blade into the flesh near Avian's leg, slowly slicing the muscle and tissue away.

"Be careful not to cut her Eld." Petra cautions, sliding off her horse and walks to Avian. "Here…"

Petra offers her hands to Avian, to which she gladly accepts, and Petra tugs, trying to dislodge the woman.

"Almost…"

After a few more moments of Eld slicing and Eren and Petra pulling, the ginger woman finally pulls free, landing in the grass on her stomach.

"Thank you." She breathes and gingerly pushes herself up.

"No problem." Eren answers, stepping up to offer her a hand. "You sure you're alright?"

Avian nods and stands. Though she tries to hide it, I see her slightly favor her right leg, the one that slipped on the rooftop during the run.

"I'll be fine, like I iterated before. But how goes you all?" she asks, casting a quick eye over all of us. "I hope you fared alright. I lost sight of you taking down that deviant giant…"

"We're fine…" Eren and Petra begin in unison, then both are rudely interrupted by the massive body of Stonewall unceremoniously shoving himself between them, trotting over to Avian with high hooves and rocking head.

Avian laughs as the stallion shoves his broad head into her, nearly knocking her over in his eagerness.

"I'm elated to see you as well!" she chuckles, scratching behind his ears causing him to whinny in delight and pound one huge, fur covered hoof.

Though the scene is joyful and all that good stuff, I'm very aware of our situation, and I seem to be the only one to remember just where we are.

With I tug on the reins, I guide my horse around to face in the direction we need to go, keeping my eyes on the group behind me.

"This reunion thing is nice and all, but we need to get moving. Or have you all forgotten that we are still deep in titan territory?"

Eld simply looks at me in understanding while Eren and Petra wear similar expressions of embarrassment.

"Sorry Corporal.", they apologize, returning to their horses.

I nod and wait as Avian struggles to mount Stonewall again, having to slide on from the opposite side to avoid her injured leg. Once on, she motions him forward until she stands by me.

"Glad to see you're okay." Gunther chimes in quickly, giving the woman a nod. "Thought we lost you back there."

"Well I thought I had lost all of you." She replies. "My claws became lodged in the giant and I had no choice but to take time and break them off."

Oluo gets out a grunt from where he stayed seated behind Petra, arms crossed.

"Well you sure took your damn time." He scoffs, "Surprised you even made out. Guess you're tougher than I thought."

"Thank you… I think…"

"That's enough." I interrupt, "Save all your gooey chitchat till we get behind the wall."

With a flip of the reins, we're off again, the worst of our journey behind us.

The next hour passes without incident. A few titans spot us and give chase, but we out maneuver and out run them easily enough, not once having to rely on Avian's help again. Before we know it, Wall Rose looms ahead of us. Unfortunately, the outer Rose gate is closed, forcing us to follow the wall until we come upon the breach, entering the inner wall from there.

The flock of titans that funneled the entrance on our first day of expedition seven days ago have all but disappeared, more than likely having spread out, walking randomly in the open space inside the wall.

It is another good hour before the wall protecting Stohess district comes into view. At the sight of the giant barrier, I can almost feel my squads sigh of relief. We're almost home. Once we are around a two or three kilometers away from our destination, Avian pulls back, slowing to a stop.

"Hey!" Petra exclaims, stopping her horse a few feet ahead, looking back at the woman. "Why did you stop?"

With a sigh, I stop my own horse, turning so I can watch as Avian blinks, wearing an unreadable expression, but doesn't answer. I already know what her answer will be.

"Avian, you alright?" Eren asks next, eyes full of concern to which the woman merely shrugs.

"This is as far as I go with you."

Eren blinks, and I'm suddenly aware that the idiot probably never even gave thought to what would happen to the woman at the end of our journey.

"What do you mean?"

"I've done my part and have escorted you back to your wall." She answers, nodding the barrier behind us. "Now we all need to return home."

"You can't be serious about going back." Eren frowns.

"I am. Where else shall I go?"

The teen stares at her, and a wave of determination crosses his features. Realization hits me, and I try to stop him.

"Eren…"

"Come with us!"

Eren's earnest voice hangs in the gentle wind and Avian freezes, hair softly caressing her stunned face.

"Come again?" she whispers aghast.

"Come with us." Eren repeats, pleading. "You can find a place with us inside the walls. You could even join the Recon Corps if you wanted. It will take some hard work, and people might not trust you at first, but we can make it work. You can prove to them that you're no threat. Commander Erwin is a great man. He'll find a way to help you I'm sure!"

"Eren!" I bark at him, eyes narrowed. "Stop that now!"

"We can't just leave her Corporal!" he pleads again. "You and Erwin where able to win over the judge concerning me. You can do it for…"

"I said enough!" I interrupt him, staring him down. "We are in no position to invite anyone inside the walls, or has your miniscule pea of a brain already forgotten about Leonhart?"

"But Corporal…" he begins, but the sound of Avian's voice disrupts him.

"He is right."

All eyes train on the woman as she addresses all of us.

"Your sentiment is kind, Eren, and I am exceedingly grateful that you would think to include me in your group…" she begins solemnly, "… but I have no place with your people. As optimistic as I would love to be, the fact still stands that those people beyond the walls still distrust you, one of their own. How do you think they will respond to a complete stranger with a power outside our understanding coming in to join their community?"

Avian sighs, hanging her head.

"Your Corporal and this Commander Erwin have done well to win over their peers about your condition Eren, but I will tell you now that they will have no such luck with me. From what I have experienced and heard, humankind wants nothing to do with whatever we are, and I have no wish to interact with them, either. Our gifts frighten them, and from what little I have been told about this Annie Leonhart, she has done our kind no favors."

She tries to hide it, but I can hear the sadness in her voice.

"I'm sorry Eren. I've been blessed to have met you all, but this is where our paths separate."

With a quick nudge with her knees, Stonewall turns, and Avian throws one last look back.

"Godspeed and farewell."

Eren calls out to her, arm outstretched, but she is already gone, speeding back the way we had come.

We all watch her go, her from slowly growing smaller and smaller, and though I know there is nothing that can be done, a strange feeling comes over me. Something similar to regret, a feeling that somehow, there was something more I could have done.

'_It is as it should be. She has no place among us.'_

But even as I think that, I know it is a lie. Shifters are a new breed to us, something strange and to be feared. But they are also something to be studied, understood. And though Annie has proved that they are not to be trusted, Eren has proved just as plainly that they can be useful. It was only by his power that mankind has ever won against the titans in the whole one hundred years they have terrorized us. Who can say what more shifters can do?

For all we know, there can me more tricks up Avian's sleeve that she hasn't shown us. Even as she is now, she is a formidable power, having made it perfectly clear she can down a dozen titans in the time it would take my squad to kill one.

As skilled as they are, the woman's skill far surpasses theirs, and her speed is simply astounding. Somehow, there must be a way to utilize that asset.

'_It doesn't matter now.'_

Avian is all but a black dot in the distance, and the decision has already been made. With the strange feeling still sitting in my stomach, I steer my horse around, gaining everyone's attention.

"We've wasted enough time. Let's move!"

As one, we set off again, gaining ground quickly and within minutes, we are close enough to see the soldiers upon the wall, yelling and waving as the gate begins to slowly ascend.

We slow to a stop a few yards away to wait for the path to clear, and Eld pulls up beside me.

"We made it…"

"We sure did."

Though we should be happy, an invisible blanket seems to hang over all of our heads, and as the gate reaches its peak and we make our way inside to the greeting of surprised and delighted Garrison soldiers, Eren comes into my peripheral, wearing a look I can't describe.

"She didn't look back." is all he says, and when I think about it, watching that woman grow small without showing a single sign of regret or second guessing in my mind's eye, I'm not sure how I feel.

***Author's note***

_**UPDATED 10-14: **__**Fixed minor grammar errors and minor continuity errors.**_

Not the return I was hoping for, but at least everyone made it back okay, right? And how can you just go on after leaving behind someone who pretty much looked after you the past week? If only mankind were more accepting of shifters, then she could have went with them ;n; Though, I'm not sure she would have anyway, considering her obvious uneasiness about people… Anywho, what did you think? I feel like this chapter turned out a little crappy, but I don't know how else to write it. And I wasn't expecting Eren to grow so attached to Avian so quick. I promise that this is still a Levi and Avian story, but keep in mind that Eren and Avian have something in common that Levi doesn't, and it's going to take a while (or a certain fateful event hurhur) before Levi will begin to warm up to her. He is Mr. Sourpuss after all. And Eren is just so lovable gah *7* But before I go, I feel like ending this with a little question, just… because.

Who, aside from Levi of course, is your favorite SnK/AoT character(s) and why?

Anywho, let me know about your thoughts or comments and give me your answer to above question in a review and stay tuned for next week's chapter (I'll give you my answer then o3o)! Til next time!

-Ambi


	8. Prisoner

****PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE'NT READ PAST CHAPTER 58 OF THE MANGA BECAUSE OF** **SPOILERS****

Chapter 8:

**Prisoner**

On May 30th, year 850, a squad of six soldiers consisting of: Eld Jinn, Gunther Schultz, Oluo Bozado, Petra Ral, and Eren Jager, led by Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman under the banner of the Survey Regiment, returned safely to the district of Stohess after having been declared MIA a week prior. According to Ackerman's reports, he and company became separated from the main expedition party, led by Commander Erwin Smith, by excessive titan activity while traversing the eastern district of Wall Maria. Upon entering an unexplored woodland an estimated fifty-six kilometers distance from the gate, Ackerman and company discovered a lone woman of unknown origin abiding in a stone homestead an estimated three kilometers from the woodland's edge. Avian Conner, age unknown, has given proof of being a titan shifter, having used her power on two separate occasions: Defending Squad Levi during a sudden titan purge inside the woodland, and escorting Squad Levi through the eastern Wall Maria district, protecting them from titan interference. In response to this unexpected information, Commander Erwin has requested immediate audience with Levi Ackerman in regards to Avian Conner.

….

"Enter."

Erwin is just as I knew he would be; sitting behind his desk, a pile of papers stacked neatly on his desk, and head bend, reading my handful of reports. There was no emotional reunion between us as there was with the rest of my squad. Upon returning to the Recon Corps headquarters, we were assaulted by the rest of our expedition party, all of whom had miraculously survived under Commander Erwin's command. The entirety of the 104th trainees erupted once Eren came into view, the two largest offenders being, of course, Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert. All of it was joyful and teary and so damn touchy feely I couldn't help but steer away.

'_At least shitty glasses isn't here.' _I groan mentally, cringing.

Erwin must have noticed my expression as I closed the door, for he let out a chuckle.

"Still trying to get over Hanji's overzealous greeting I'm assuming?"

"I'll kill that woman the next time I see her." I reply, frowning at the memory of the crazed scientist practically cuddling me upon my return, IN PUBLIC.

"Now don't go doing that, Levi." Erwin comments, shuffling my papers. "Annoying or not, we need her."

"No one needs her crazed ideas…." I mumble, but consent, folding my arms and taking a seat in front of his desk. "Anyway, you wanted to talk?"

"Yes. I did."

He takes a moment to collect himself, putting my reports to the side and rests his hands in front of him, throwing me that brooding look he always wears.

"I've read your reports. As detailed as they are, I still want to hear more about this 'Avian Connor'. I heard that she escorted you and your squad all the way from outside Wall Maria to eyeshot of Stohess, is that correct?"

"It is."

"How did she fare against the other titans?"

"Surprisingly well. Her titan form is a runt compared to other titans, but her speed is unparalleled. She killed most every titan we came in contact within seconds."

Erwin nods, considering for a moment before continuing. 

"And her faults? All that speed must be at the cost of something I'm sure."

I nod.

"Avian is fast, but her stamina runs out quickly, and as far as I know, she has no strength to speak of."

"So she's essentially a sprinter."

Erwin clasps his hands together under his chin and looks into the distance, deep in thought. I quirk an eyebrow at him.

"What are you planning?" I ask, watching him carefully.

"I wonder if there is any way for us to use her assets in our favor…"

"Use her? You don't plan on sending anyone out there to fetch the stupid woman, do you? There is no guarantee she will come willingly."

"I'm not going out to get her. We can't afford to make such an effort, and the distance is much too great to cover. I just like to plan ahead is all." Erwin says, leaning back and motioning me to continue.

"Tell me more. What abilities does she posses?"

And so I tell him everything I know; information ranging from her estimated age and appearance to her physical aptitude both in titan form and out. Erwin listens quietly, soaking up every word, posing a question here and there. Even as I talk, in my mind I can see everything I explain to him. I watch Avian in my mind's eye as I describe the vortex and the titan purge on her home, following her movements as she takes down titan after titan in swift movements. Erwin's eyes bore into me as I recount Avian's history, doing my best to repeat it word for word, though the image of the woman hunched and eyes lost in candle flame makes it difficult. I watch as she fearlessly clears our path home, protecting us as we run our way through the district, sprinting for the exit. I see her exhausted body pulling itself out of the carcass of her titan; I see her expression darken as Eren tries to convince her to come with us to Stohess. Everything comes back vividly as if she was still here.

"So she rejected Eren's offer…." Erwin thinks out loud. "What do you make of that, Levi?"

I shrug.

"She's terrified of people."

"You don't believe she has any connection to us? Perhaps with Eren or Annie Leonhart?"

"No. I don't. She didn't even know who they were until Petra explained to her, and even then, it wasn't much. Even if she lied and knows about Leonhart, she showed no sign of it. If, by some chance, she happened to be in league with Annie, all of her previous actions would make no sense. She had no reason to care for us, nor ask all about our life here if she knew already. And she turned down the offer to come with us, practically a free ticket inside the walls. Avian is just scared shitless, that's it." 

I look at him, questioning.

"What are you formulating in that giant head or yours?" 

"Nothing right now," he says, sitting back. "And despite your insistence about her obvious fear, I can't help but expect to see her again."

"You think she'll hang around here?"

"I believe so. From what I hear, she put quite the investment into caring for your team, and now that she knows of some of the things and people inside the walls, it's not hard to guess that she might become curious over time. When she does, I'd like to meet her."

I watch him, slowly putting together what he is implying.

"You want to try and convince her to join the Recon Corps."

Erwin nods.

"Eventually. Her skill is very intriguing, and we can use it to our advantage, along with Eren. From what I've heard, she is much more experienced than Jaeger in shifting and controlling her titan. We can use that to help guide and teach Eren, in a way."

I think about this, realizing that Erwin is right as always. Even now, I can see Avian standing by Eren in full uniform, directing him and teaching him in that strange power they posses.

"They would be quite the pair." I comment finally.

"They would."

Erwin shifts and stands, nodding to me.

"Thank you Levi. I'll go alert the Garrison to keep an eye out for her. With luck, soon we'll have two shifters fighting for humanity."

And so, most all personnel allied to either the Recon Corps and Garrison where give identification information about Avian Conner. No one is quite clear as to what plan of action we would take if she would happen to show herself, but Erwin made his interest in her quite clear, so apprehending her upon sight went without saying.

….

After consideration and ample recovery time, the Recon Corps set to try and seal the breach in Wall Rose. While Squad Levi was still MIA outside the walls, Commander Erwin ordered a station of experienced Garrison and Recon Corps soldiers to barricade the wall. Without many resources, the squads managed to bar the opening with a heavily weighted metal net, successfully keeping more titans from entering the wall. Even with this defense, it takes all they have to keep the monsters from breaking in; miniature cannons working almost nonstop to keep the titans at bay and avoid having the netting compromised. With the return to Levi Ackerman and his squad, the Corps turned their focus into forming another expedition to the Wall, but this too, was held back. First, on June 14th, titan shifter and mankind traitor Annie Leonhart awakened from her crystalline prison and was immediately arrested and put under interrogation by the Military Police. They were unsuccessful in gaining any new information. Then, on June 22nd, Annie Leonhart resisted capture and managed to escape from her prison. The Military Police were able to track her to the border of the Stohess District, but all traces were lost once they came upon the wall. It is unknown whether she had the help of accomplices, but on the same day, both Reiner Braun and Bertolt Hoover, both newly graduated members of the 104th Trainees Squad, were confirmed missing. No one knows of their whereabouts, and both are considered accomplishes until further evidence is provided, and are to be arrested on sight. Beginning on June 23rd, all Garrison personnel were put on high alert, and all abnormal activity was to be reported immediately. And through all of this, there have been no sightings of titan shifter Avian Conner, officially dubbed the 'Child Titan'. Her location and activity are unknown.

….

'_This is freaking ridiculous…'_

Setting my pen down with a sigh, and take a moment to lean back and run a hand though my hair, backing away from the stack of paperwork waiting on my desk. There is more than usual thanks to the efforts of Annie and her butt buddies, and the papers seem endless.

'_It's been weeks since this whole damn thing blew up. Why are they still handing me this shit… Those military pigs think they can just work us like a pack of dogs. Tch….'_

Closing my eyes, I lean back and try my best to relax for a moment, flexing my right hand trying to work out a writing crap. Without meaning too, my thoughts fly once again to the one subject they have been obsessed with since my return. Even with no news, Avian's face flashes in my mind, even after I had thought I'd put all of that in the past. Everyone was secretly eager to hear about any news that may come from the Garrison about the ginger haired woman. Eren and Hanji especially; The former because he wished to cling to the hope that another of his kind would join us, and the latter because she wants nothing more than to get her disgusting hands on another shifter. Even the rest of my squad, including Oluo, stopped to listen to any reports given, but each time they left disappointed. No one has seen any sign of her, and slowly days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. For us, she was just a memory now, and over time, Eren and Hanji quit asking around for information on her, and the rest of my squad quit listening in to reports. Everyone went back to their usual routine as if nothing had happened. Even I put it behind me.

'_Or so I thought…'_

It's August now, but even after all this time, whenever my mind is at ease enough to wander, it wanders back to her. There have been days where I have recounted the events the one week we stayed with her, and sometimes when I am lost in thought, I wonder what she is doing. Has she gone back to her life like nothing happened? Does she even miss us at all? Or is she relieved to have us gone? So many questions without answers, and they all drive me insane.

'_Just let the shit go.' _I tell myself, but for some reason, I find it difficult to do so.

I see her more often now as if they are premonitions or something, it doesn't make any sense at all. A part of me wonders if stress is finally driving me crazy. With all that has been happening since Annie, Reiner, and Bertolt escaped, I wouldn't be surprised. While in the middle of pondering my sanity, a knock raps on my door, rudely stirring me out of my delusion. Growling under my breath, I open my eyes and lean forward.

"Name and business." I call flatly.

"James Tucker, sir!" the voice says from outside. "I have a message from Commander Erwin, sir!"

"Enter."

With a shuffle, an unfamiliar man in recon garb walks in, saluting me as I cast a hard stare at him.

"What is the message?"

The man stares back at me, and his wide expression catches my attention.

"Commander Erwin has requested your audience at Cell One on the first floor of the dungeon quarters, sir!"

I raise a brow.

"The dungeon quarters? Why the hell does he want me there?" I ask, irritated. "He knows full well how damn filthy it is down there."

The man swallows slightly at my tone but keeps his salute.

"I believe he said that they have apprehended the person you were looking for, sir." He states. "I'm not quite sure who they mean, but they called her the 'Child Titan'."

At those last two words, my mind stops, and I stare at him, making him shift nervously under my heated gaze.

'_You've got to be kidding me…'_

I drill into him with my eyes.

"You're absolutely sure that is what they said…."

"Y…. yes, sir!"

'_There is just no way. It's been over two and a half months. She can't possibly be showing up now…'_

But as I dismiss him and hurriedly make my way to the lower recesses of the dungeon, each step seems to solidify the possibility. Deep underground, beneath the Stohess courthouse lies the district prison, an occupied dungeon of sorts where criminals are held until their fate is decided. Not long ago, Eren himself had spent some time down here. It looks just the same as it had then, dark and foreboding, with only the sound of flickering torch flames to break the silence as I descend down a flight of stone stairs. Just on the floor below, exactly where Eren had been held before his trial, I turn through the doorway and am greeted by a familiar sight.

"There you are Levi." Commander Erwin nods from where he sits on a simple wooden chair, facing the cell ahead of him. "My message brought you down here faster than I thought."

"This better not be your sick version of a joke." I growl back, frowning at the filthy walls. "You know I hate this place."

Erwin merely blinks at me.

"What reason would I have to joke about this? If you don't believe me, come and see for yourself."

Though I know that he was right and he had no reason to lie to me, nor would he have even bothered with the effort, a small part of me still held on to disbelief, and it pulls me forward to the first cell on this floor. Stopping before the selected cell guarded by two Military Police soldiers, I cast my gaze into the shadowed room, and from behind the bars, a pair of familiar blue orbs cut into me. Just as Erwin had said, Avian's small frame scowls at me from where she sits on the tattered bed, hands behind her back. Her gaze sharpens on me, and I can feel her trying to gauge me with her eyes.

"You." She says, her voice echoing over the walls. "Do you always greet strangers by throwing them into a prison, or am I just lucky?"

I scoff and return her tone.

"Do you always greet acquaintances with some sarcastic-ass remark?"

"Now settle down." Erwin states, standing from his seat to cast an even gaze into the cell. "We've barely just met, and you already wish to fight us?"

Avian's frown deepens slightly, and she lifts her head.

"What sort of response do you expect for me to have then? I step one foot inside your walls and your people immediately detain me and pilfer my horse."

"I understand that we haven't given you the warmest of welcomes, but given the circumstances, I'm afraid we have no choice at the moment. Rest assured that your steed is fine, and has been taken to the sables with our own horses."

The woman blinks, and when she says nothing, I turn and wrap my hands around the bars.

"What I want to know…" I begin, staring her down. "…is why you came here. To be quite honest, I figured you too much of a coward to even think about joining us, but you surprised me."

Avian doesn't break the silence, and I can't help but feel like she's regretting her decision already. After a few seconds, I narrow my eyes at her.

"Well? Are you deaf, or are you going to answer me?"

"I have several reasons." She replies. "But I do not wish to offer such information to you until you tell me what it is you plan to do with me."

"I hardly believe you're in the position to bargain, woman…" I start, but before I can say anything further, I'm stopped by Erwin. 

"I said to settle down." He orders, silencing the cell and me with his stern voice.

He crosses his hands behind his back and turns his attention to the woman.

"To answer you as best I can, we don't know what to do with you as of yet. Your appearance was quite unexpected, and we are currently in the middle of a slight situation following a particular chain of events prior to your arrival."

"That man," Avian replies, " the bald one with the sash, he said something about contacting 'The Commander-in-Chief'. What did he mean?"

"The man you are talking about is Commander Dot Pixis, head of the southern Garrison. After insuring your… custody… he left to alert Chief Darrius Zacklay about your appearance. If I'm not mistaken, his immediate action will be to call an emergency hearing to decide your fate."

"So you cage me then put my life into the hands of a complete stranger…."

Avian's eyes pierce through the gloom.

"Correct?" she adds faintly, to which Erwin grimly nods.

"I apologize, but this is the only way we can handle your situation. Certain events have had the military on high alert, and you being here will not do to ease their anxiety."

"Tch."

With a sneer, I turn and lean back against the bars, casting my eyes to the wall.

"Couldn't have picked a worse time if you tried."

"What do you mean?" Avian asks, and I hear her shift in her bed. "What has transpired the past two months?"

"That, I'm afraid, we cannot tell you." Erwin answers.

"Why not?"

I can almost feel her gaze upon us.

"It has something to do with Eren or that other shifter, does it not?"

I blink in surprise.

'_How…..?'_

I turn and look at her again, and I can tell that Erwin shares the same astonishment I do. The woman's gaze levels with our own, eyes glittering and face devoid of emotion.

"Does it?" she repeats questioningly, watching us for a few seconds in silence before lifting her head slightly. "I can only assume from your lack of response that my conjecture is true. What about them makes it impossible for you to speak about these events? Enlighten me."

Erwin frowns, regarding her.

"We cannot. You are an unknown entity to us, and to tell you such confidential information is out of the question."

Avian moves as if to say something but I interrupt her.

"You have a problem minding your own damn business, you know that?"

The woman and I lock eyes, a sort of energy passes through it, and I know that she is still on edge about me after our exchange during our escort home more than two months ago. Neither of us left a good taste in each other's mouths then. Nothing is spoken, but I can feel Avian communicating with me in the silence, so intensely that both of us fail to take notice of a new presence in the room until Erwin turns and draws us out of our stare with his voice.

"Back quicker than I expected, Pixis." He begins, nodding to the bald man not entering the torchlight illuminating our part of the tunnel.

Pixis lets out a chuckle and comes to a stop a few paces away, eyes crinkling.

"You wound me Erwin! I may be an old man, but don't think me a cripple."

Erwin frowns and inclines his head slightly.

"I apologize. That was not my intention."

"Oh calm yourself. You are always so stoic and serious. Perhaps you care for a swig to loosen up?" the Garrison Commander smiles, offering his hidden flask to which Erwin shakes his head. "Suit yourself."

With a gulp, Pixis finishes the contents of his flask and lets out a content sigh, recapping the container and putting it back in his jacket.

"And do not think me rude Corporal," he says, casting a lighthearted gaze at me, "but I know for a fact your dislike of germs so I saw it fit not to offer my stash to you."

I shrug and cross my arms to lean back against the bars again.

"Well I for one find your habit disgusting and undignified. It's a wonder you still have your job, drinking on watch…."

The man lets out another laugh, a tendency that I find highly annoying, the happy-go-lucky bastard. 

"Well, you sure have me there Corporal! Amazing to know someone even more strict than your Commander here."

He lets out a content chuckle, enjoying his own comment, but as soon as he casts his gaze to Erwin, the man's entire demeanor has changed, and Pixis folds his arms behind his back.

"Darrius has, as you may have guessed, called an immediate hearing." He reports. "There is too be a full trial held here an hour from now, and has requested that all who have had previous contact with Avian Connor to be present."

Erwin nods.

"Very well."

With a glance to me, I turn to the MP next to me, drawing his attention with a sneer.

"Go fetch my squad and Eren Jaeger."

The MP blinks at me, not breaking stance from his position by the corner of the cell door.

"I apologize, but I cannot leave my post, sir."

Immediately, I stab him with a fierce glare.

"Did I stutter?" I say venomously, making the soldier visibly wilt and keep his silence. "I didn't think so. Now go and follow my damn order."

The MP straightens, and though his eyes are a bit wide and his expression is obviously nervous and uncomfortable, he manages a unsteady salute.

"Y… Yes sir!"

We all watch as he turns and walks away, and once he is out of sight, I huff and lean my head back against the bars.

"Blundering idiot…."

"Hah! The poor man will probably be disciplined for leaving his post, Levi." Pixis smiles, to which I shrug my shoulders.

"Not my problem. In my opinion, none of these kids are disciplined enough. This place is filthy…"

Pixis chuckles.

"If you had your run, we'd be able to eat off the streets."

"Tch. Just because all of you are okay living in grime doesn't mean I will."

The bald man consents, then turns back to Erwin.

"Perhaps it is time for us to make our leave. I am sure you both have papers and preparations to attend to."

"We do."

At his words, Erwin turns and makes his way down the tunnel with Pixis and I on his heels. Before we get too far, the other MP guarding Avian calls to us and we halt.

"I apologize, but my comrade and I were ordered to have two soldiers here at all times. Will you please wait until he…" 

"We aren't waiting." I cut in.

The MP looks at me hard.

"But what if the prisoner tries to escape? We need…"

"She won't." I cut again with an odd sense of confidence, then turn my voice cold and pierce him with the same look I gave his companion. "What? Is a small, dumbass woman too much for you to handle? I don't even want to know how the hell you and your buddy managed to get into the Military Police. I find your lack of assurance disturbing."

Before he can reply, I turn and finish making my way outside. The entire way out, I can feel Avian's gaze upon me, and I find it odd that during our entire conversation, she never spoke once. Now that I think about it, her entire demeanor is off. As Erwin, Pixis, and I step outside into the light and part ways to each get ready for the trial ahead, I ponder about her behavior. She isn't the same woman whom we left all that time ago. Sure, she had showed us before that she possesses a certain serious streak, but even so… She did not act like the outward-looking, calm woman I and my squad had gotten to know that short week. In that cell was a woman of stony expression and stinging speech. Perhaps it is only the situation she is in that has altered her personality. Really, who am I to say how one should act when locked inside a cell and is about to be put on trial?

'_Well that's not entirely true either.'_

A dark part of me understands. The piece of me still hindered by the haunting and cruel memory that is my youth reminds me of terrible and unbearable feelings related to being put in a cage. Though she is no criminal, to the eyes of mankind, she is automatically guilty because of an aspect of her no one else understands and fears. For that quick moment when our eyes locked and did not break away, Avian looked like me; both of us have gotten into dark places trying to see what lays beyond the other side of these god-forsaken walls. The only difference being that while I had wanted to see what lies outside, her gaze is turned inward. Our worlds and pasts are almost completely opposite, but they follow the same path. Similar and different at the same time. Both of us.

'_Why do I think of this now?'_

But as I walk and time passes, eating the short hour away until suddenly I'm in the courtroom with Erwin at my side, I'm unable to shake off a feeling of apprehension. Without really meaning too, I subconsciously hope for the hearing to rule in our favor. I don't understand this feeling I have. There is no reason for me to feel this way. Why should I care about this woman and how the trial goes? I've known her for a week and know a little of her story, yes, but outside of that, she is still a complete stranger; a stranger outside of our own kind at that. My thoughts are disrupted as I catch sight of my squad walking in, all wearing similar looks of surprise, especially Eren, the brat. All doubted they would ever see the woman again, but here they where, and as they make their way around to stand by me, Eren gets my attention from where he stands on my right side. His eyes hold untold amounts of disbelief.

"Corporal, did she really come back? Is she really here?" he asks in a low voice, eyes wide.

"No. We just felt the need to have a trial for no damn reason."

Eren blinks but says nothing, obviously so lost in himself that my sour tone had no affect on him.

"This is just like my trial…" he comments, gazing ahead of us at the crowd on the other side of the room.

Just as he said, our opposition consists of the entirety of the Military Police, along with several representatives from the Church of the Wall, including that creep Pastor Nick.

"Do you think they will try and gain custody of Avian to experiment on her?" Eren whispers, to which I incline my head in answer.

"No doubt."

It is a tense several minutes as more people file in; a few members of the Garrison arrive on our side, led by Dot Pixis, and after them, Mike Zacharius and Hanji Zoe. Nothing else is said, and time passes in silence, all restlessly waiting and staring at the steel pedestal in the center of the room. After what seems like hours, though it couldn't have been more than a few minutes, the front doors open and Darrius Zacklay emerges. Without a word, the judge walks to his desk, a stack of papers in hand, and takes his seat, taking a moment to settle and fix his spectacles upon his face. Once ready, he raises a hand.

"The convict may now enter."

With held breath, the front doors once again open wide, and half dragged in-between two Military Police soldiers walks Avian. Immediately, both sides begin to whisper quietly among themselves and stare as the MP's lead her to the pedestal in the center, forcefully making her kneel and lock her cuffed hands in place with a large metallic post. Once they take their place, I stare at the woman before me in silence. The gloom of the dungeon below hid most of her form, but now that she is in the light, it's easy to see that she isn't in the best of appearances. Her clothes, consisting of her normal tan trousers and a dark blouse, are dirty, and her hair is tussled and windblown. Against the vastness of the courtroom, her body looks positively tiny, and as I watch, her apprehension is obvious. The trial has not even begun, and already she fidgets and her breathing is faulty, wilting under the weight of so many pairs of eyes upon her. It's almost sad. In all her life, this is the most people she has ever seen, and her first day with mankind has her chained to the floor, and she is looked upon like a monster. She scans the room, first to the right at our opposition, then to us, head whipping around quickly. After a second or two, she finds my squad, and when she looks and her gaze meets mine, her eyes are wide. For the briefest of moments, my heart ached for her. Then, at the sound of Darrius shuffling his papers and clearing his throat, my resolve hardens again, and we all turn our gaze to the white haired man.

"Now that we are all here…" he says, voice reverberating off the walls. "… let us begin."

Casting a eyes down, Avian freezes under his gaze.

"You are Avian Connor, correct?"

The woman hesitantly replies, visibly trying to keep her voice level.

"Y…. yes."

"As you are a special case, our normal laws and trial practices do not apply to you. As a result, I will be the sole judge of your fate."

With a voice as hard as stone and as clear as day, he stares at the woman before him.

"I will determine whether you live or die."

*Authors note*

First off, I'm SOOOOOOOO sorry this is late! I know it is no excuse, but most of my free time has been spent preparing for a contest, so I have neglected finishing this chapter in order to do that. Please forgive me ;n; Anywho, back to business, how's to another chapter? Not all that exciting and action packed as the previous one but…. we're getting to that. I wonder what finally drove Avian to accept Eren's offer after all that time? Who knows. But with what all has happened recently with Annie, Reiner and Bertolt, odds are not looking good for her. As always, leave your thoughts and comment in a review! I love seeing them, and they are my life blood to help me keep going C: Now then, in answer to the previous chapter's question: Aside from Levi, it's hard to say who my favorite character(s) is/are. I honestly find something to love about everyone. Jean has made a good turn around and I admire his leadership skills; Pixis is freaking hilarious if you squint; Mikasa and Armin are awesome in their own ways… it's so hard to choose oAo. I do have to say that Sasha and Hanji both have a special place in my heart for obvious reasons. Those two are freaking hilarious, and they kill me every time I see them. Plus Sasha is the only one who understands my unnatural love for potatoes o3o. But seriously, those two are my top faves, but I honestly love everyone. Now, since that was kinda fun, how bout another question! :D

Do you have a favorite part/episode in the anime?

Let's just keep it to the show to avoid unnecessary spoilers (though this story has several from the manga….. shhh….). I thank you all for your answers, and I look forward to see what you say about this! Until next time!

-Ambi


	9. The Trial

Chapter 9:

**The Trial**

All is silent in the room around me, and Avian doesn't utter a word.

"My decision here will be solely based upon whether you will benefit or hinder humanity." Darrius says, looking down on the woman before him. "Is that understood?"

By all accounts, Avian looks about as far from consenting as possible, but with great effort on her part, she manages a soft 'Yes' in reply.

"Very well. As you may have seen, your sudden appearance here has created quite a stir. We have been aware of your existence and your capabilities for the past two months, however, certain events have left the military on high alert and have your kind clouded in suspicion. There are many here who consider you a monster and a traitor to humanity. But much to the help of Eren Jaeger, he has proven that people with your gifts may be of some use to advancing mankind, and there are groups looking to utilize your skills."

Darrius folds his hands together on his desk.

"What we shall discuss today will be which military division you shall be entrusted too: The Military Police, or the Recon Corps."

With a wave of his hand, he motions to the opposition first.

"We shall hear from the Military Police first."

With a nod, a thin man with dark hair, facial scruff, and hard eyes speaks.

"Nile Dawk, head of the Military Division, reporting. We believe that this so called 'Avian Conner' to be too great of a threat, and wish to dispose of her immediately."

That much is too be expected, but the woman stares at the man, listening and still.

"Though Eren Jaeger has proven that this titan power does have some military use, his power is unreliable and unknown. Much the same, this woman's history and power is dangerous, and in light of the recent events, we see it fit to perform research and gain as much information as we can from her, then dispose of her. She will be a martyr for mankind."

Nile folds his arms behind him and watches the woman coldly.

"In support of this argument, we have information regarding her history. As quoted from one of Levi Ackerman's reports, this woman, at the age of twelve, murdered four men when she first shifted into titan form. I find that information disturbing."

Behind him, the congregation nods, and I narrow my eyes at them.

"It should also be noted that since then, she has lived alone outside the walls for another ten years, which should be impossible. Who can say what she had been doing all that time? What people she may have had contact with? For all we know, she has connections to Annie Leonhart."

Nile's expression hardens.

"There is just too much that we do not know about to be able to trust her."

"He is right!"

Pastor Nick's yell draws everyone's attention, and he motions to the woman with grave intent.

"That woman is a demon! A devil! She's come to lie to us, gain our trust, only to kill us all! She must have connections to Annie and those other sifters! Why else would she have appeared when she did!? It's a ploy! She plans to destroy our beautiful walls and draw others of her kind here to invade us! We need to kill her! KILL HER!"

"At ease, Pastor Nick…" Darrius' calm voice calls. "There is no need to yell."

The damn religious pig had gotten himself so worked up that it takes a minute for him to calm down and get his nasty breathing under control enough to allow the trial to continue.

"Now, we shall hear what the Recon Corps wish to say."

At this, Erwin straitens beside me.

"Erwin Smith, Head of the Recon Corps, reporting. Just as we have done with Eren Jaeger, we wish to utilize her particular skills to help regain control of Wall Maria."

The room falls into quiet, but Erwin says no more. Darrius questions him.

"Is that all?"

Erwin nods.

"Yes."

"And just how do you propose to do this, Erwin?"

"We are unsure."

"Yet you are still willing to trust all of humanity on this woman?" Nile calls from the side of the room, glaring. "As one who has sworn to put the prosperity of humankind above everything else, you risk endangering our way of life on a mere hunch?"

Erwin returns his stare levelly.

"I admit that it is a risk…" he begins, "… but I have no doubt that given the chance, Avian may very well be a powerful asset in aiding our cause."

"We thought the same about those three traitors as well." Nile replies. "Given the course of events, I do not support putting faith on such questionable individuals. The only results of titan shifters actually helping humanity was when Eren blocked the Trost District Gate. One success is not sufficient to validate their kinds strategic value, and even that victory was messily won as Eren failed to control his titan properly and nearly killed your own recruits."

Beside me, Eren flinches.

"I understand your concerns, for I have a few of my own. But if there is any aid that can be gained by utilizing their power, despite the risks, I am willing to take it." The blond admits calmly, face straight. "As far as using her in retaking Maria, I have not seen Avian in action, so I cannot formulate a plan based only on reports alone. However, I am heavily inclined to trust Levi's judgment in this situation."

"Is that so…." Darrius strokes his beard absently, now turning his gaze to me. "What of you then Corporal?"

I lift my head.

"I haven't given it much thought, but I will say that the woman's skills are highly impressive. As you may have read from my reports, her speed and agility in titan form are her strongest traits, and while we rode through the Wall Maria District to return home, Avian was able to slay every titan we came across, and we escaped without conflict."

"But that was just one instance." Nile butts in. "You can't draw such a strong conclusion just from that."

"Well, if you even read my reports, you'll know that it was only one of two instances." I glare at him, irritated. "Previous to that, Avian used her titan power to save my squad during a freak storm, killing multiple titans of varying size classes in seconds."

Darrius nods, then speaks.

"Are all your squad members present?"

"They are."

As one, Gunther, Oluo, Eld, Eren, and Petra salute.

"Is what Levi reported true?"

Eld speaks for all of them.

"It is. During the storm, the only people who had working gear were Captain Levi and myself. We were bombarded by titans from all sides, resulting in Petra and Oluo being captured. Eren transformed and successfully distracted the titans, allowing Petra, Oluo, and I to escape, but there were too many. Around fifteen or so surrounded him. Just as Captain and I were about to engage, Avian transformed, taking out all fifteen in seconds. I've never seen anything like it…"

"That is impressive…" Darrius comments, but is interrupted by that pig Nile.

"…but hazardous." The MP frowns. "Are you saying that this woman was in complete control during those times? What would keep her from using that same skill against us, then? From what you describe, she's entirely capable of killing entire squads in moments. Should she turn rouge and betray us, how many soldiers will have to be killed before she can be dealt with?"

"Avian wouldn't betray us." Petra's voice bounces off the floor and walls. "We've all spent time with her." She says, motioning to her comrades beside her. "Avian is not that kind of person."

"You spent seven days with her. That HARDLY constitutes as 'spending time'." Nile cuts. "If you recall, Annie Leonhart, Bertolt Hoover, and Reiner Braun all spent three years training to be soldiers, and even participated in multiple missions, but that didn't stop them from becoming traitors."

At his comment, the crowd behind him all murmur in agreement, and deep in my gut, something sinks.

"All three were born and raised to be soldiers, and yet all three betrayed their own people; destroying the walls and trying to kidnap Eren for unknown reasons. If we cannot trust our own flesh and blood, how can we trust a complete outsider? As mentioned before, there is just too much we do not know about her history, her connections, and her intentions. From what one of my subordinates has told me, while guarding her cell, both Erwin and Levi questioned Avian about her motive for coming inside the walls, and the woman adamantly refused to answer. I for one find that highly suspicious, and can only conclude that she has something to hide…"

"You're wrong!"

Beside me, Eren's anger is almost tangible.

"Eren…!"

I try to quiet him, but as always, once the damn brat gets riled up, there is no stopping him, and even with my glare cutting into him, he keeps his burning green eyes on the MP in front of us.

"I don't know why Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner did what they did, but Avian has nothing to do with it! How can you just sit there and look down on someone who is trying to help!? She saved our lives for God's sake!"

"Eren! Shut your damn mouth!"

"You're just scared!" the teen continues to yell. "What are you so afraid of? You've never even SEEN a real titan!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

With great effort, I slam my fist into the side of his face, cutting his rage short. It takes the brat a second to even register what happened, but once he does, his eyes return to normal and he gazes at me, holding his injured cheek with a hand. I can feel the heat of my anger cutting into him through my glare, and he visible shrinks, looking slightly mortified.

'_I'll deal with you later.'_ I think towards him, knowing that the dumb idiot will understand without a single word being said.

"Having trouble disciplining your subordinate, Levi?" Nile sneers, instantly setting me off.

"No." I answer coldly. "But you're welcome to show me if YOU can. Tell me: Do you really think you have what it takes to keep him under control?"

"What are you…." The MP begins to reply, but I cut him off with a icy stare.

"If I recall, we've had this discussion before, but I'll ask again, just to refresh your feeble minds. You truly intend to experiment and then put down Avian, but have you forgotten that, just maybe, you're not up to the task? Do you really believe that you have the strength to subdue her if things happen to go sour? You said it yourself: How many will have to die before she is taken care of?"

The room is completely silent as I continue.

"That brat Eren was put under my command because I'm the only one here capable of killing him. And I have no doubt I can put this woman in her place. For those of you who doubt me…" I say, walking around the dividing rail and slowly up to the pedestal. "… it seems you need a reminder of just how powerful I can be."

For a fleeting moment, my gaze catches Avian's, her blue orbs wide, and the slightest twinge twists in my stomach.

'_Her power will heal her fast enough.'_

Everyone watches, and I can sense that they know what is next. I hear Eren just begin to say my name, but by the time he starts, the sound of my boot smashing into the side of Avian's face reverberates off the walls. She gasps, ginger hair flying, and I only give her a moment to recover before my shin crashes into her chest, knocking the air out of her lungs and keeling her forward. Just as before, the MP's are too stunned to say anything as I put on my display, kicking her again and again. The air is rigid, and after a few more hits, I stop, resting my boot on Avian's back as she sits hunched over, gasping for air and blood pouring from her lip. My steely gaze lands on Nile again.

"So…" I say calmly "…do I make my point?"

"You're crazy. What if she shifts? You'll get us all killed!"

"She isn't going to do ANYTHING…" I rebuke, and to make my point, I cast my gaze downward to Avian. "You have a problem with that?"

The woman doesn't say a word, choosing to bore her hard gaze deep into mine. Much to my satisfaction, the pig Nile doesn't say a word either, and all is silent. That is, until, that freak Pastor Nick butts in.

"Have you gone insane?!" he yells, face stricken. "You sacrilegious conspirator! Stop playing with that demon like it's some kind of toy! You disgrace the very essence of the Walls letting another one of those devils in here!"

Sweat pours from his face, and his eyes are large and glazed as he continues, throwing his arms and completely losing his shit.

"IT'S TIME TO STOP THIS NOW! THIS WOMAN IS OF THE DEVIL, SCHEMING WITH HER OTHER DEMONIC HENCHMEN TO KILL US ALL! YOU AND YOUR SCOUTING LEGION WILL DESTROY US ALL WITH YOUR INSULENT BLASPHAMY!"

"I agree." Nile joins him, scowling. "Considering Annie and her counterparts betrayal, I see no reason to trust this woman. She is an outsider that holds a power that threatens our very existence. As we see it, her threat far outweighs any benefit she may have."

Darrius frowns, slowly turning back to Erwin.

"Have you anything to combat this?"

When Erwin says nothing, the sinking feeling returns, and as Darrius rises his head, his expression says it all.

'_We lost…'_

"If there is nothing more to be said, then I believe our discussion is over…"

His hand raises like a heavy weight, ominous and final, and I cannot help the feeling of defeat that washes over me as I remove my foot from Avian's back. We did all we could, but it wasn't enough. From the corner of my eye, my squad bears on their faces the feeling I refuse to show. They all show varying levels of remorse; Eld and Oluo stand stern, their expressions hard and tight. Gunther keeps his gaze on the ground, a mix of emotions playing on his features. Both Petra and Eren share identical looks of mortification and gloom, eyes wide and disbelieving. Of everyone, those two were closest to Avian, having grown attached to the woman during the short time they had spent with her. If there was anyone who could be considered a friend to the ginger haired girl, it was them. And I know that, if given the chance, all of this would have happened differently.

'_But what's done is done.'_

Nothing more can be said. Nothing can be changed. Avian will be a martyr for mankind, and I brace myself for the verdict. But just as Darrius' hand begins to fall and finalize his decision, the woman below my foot who, for the entirety of the trial had remained silent, now shifts and lifts her head.

"What are my charges?"

At the voice, Darrius stops and slowly turns a curious gaze toward her.

"Come again?"

All eyes are now on the titan shifter, and though her whole body is rigid and tense, she bravely keeps her head up and does her best to hide the shaking in her voice.

"What are my charges?"

Darrius blinks.

"I'm afraid I do not understand your question."

"You arrested me." Avian says, and I'm slightly impressed by her boldness to speak up in the face of impending death. "I am unfamiliar with the laws of your land, but I cannot help but presume that I must have committed some type of felony to warrant my arrest. I wish to know, exactly, what my crime was."

Darrius answers her slowly, watching her carefully.

"I don't know where you got such an idea, but you haven't broken any laws or committed any crimes."

"If that is so, then why was I immediately apprehended and incarcerated upon entering your walls?"

"How dare you ask such a thing!" Pastor Nick yells. "Accept your fate!"

Avian hits him with a stare that pushes him back a little.

"It was a simple inquiry. As a person accused and put on trial, I have the right to know why I am here." She says, and her eyes harden slightly. "If I am to die, I demand to know the reason."

"The reason is…." Nile interjects, words slick with malice. "… you are a monster, an outsider, and a threat that cannot be trusted."

"So I am to be punished for the transgressions of people I have never met?"

Nile growls.

"You are missing the point…"

"No." Avian stops him. "YOU are missing the point. I highly doubt it to be lawful to charge unaffiliated persons with punishments intended for another party. Or do you always place blame on innocents just so you have somebody to serve the sentence?"

The entire room is speechless, and Nile looks as if he is about to burst, but with nothing to say, he just stands, face red and hot.

"It may be out of place for me to say…" the woman continues slowly, relaxing her gaze to look up at Darrius. "…but just as a hypothetical scenario: If a person where to find themselves put on trial without sufficient charges to warrant such an action, would that not make the trial null and void? As far as I know, I have done nothing that can be counted as an offence. I showed you EXACTLY what I am before ever entering the gate so as to not cause suspicion or ideas that I intend to hide my power. Second, I did not enter your realm without invitation, for your own soldiers ordered for the gate to be opened so that I may enter. Since then, I did not fight as your people arrested me and imprisoned me. I did not attempt to attack your fellow men, nor did I attempt any means of escape. I offered no resistance while under your custody, and until now, have not reprimanded you in any way."

You could hear a pin drop, as quiet as the courtroom was now. No one dared to even breathe, and even I found myself staring at the woman in awe. Nothing happens, and after a few tense moments, Erwin raises his hand.

"Judge Darrius, I have a proposition."

Darrius slowly turns his head, inclining an ear.

"Proceed."

Erwin nods.

"Similar to Eren's case, many things are unclear about Avian and her power, and however we handle this, she will always represent a certain amount of threat. However, I wish to propose instigating a plan similar to Eren's by putting her under the command of Corporal Levi. He has already proven himself to be more than capable of handling the woman, and will take decisive action if need be. Allow the Recon Corps to take her on our next mission, and from the results of that mission, we will determine whether she is an asset or a liability."

"And this mission of yours is what exactly?" Nile asks, to which Erwin replies calmly.

"Our first priority is to seal the breach in Wall Rose. We plan to leave from this district and, utilizing the Long Range Travel Formation, will deliver labor and supplies to rebuild the wall."

Darrius nods, soaking it all in, then slowly turns his gaze back to Avian.

"Before I pass judgment, I have a question that needs answering."

The woman blinks and inclines her head.

"What do you wish to know?"

"Your intentions." The judge says, leaning forward. "There is a reason for you coming to us after such an extended period of time. What is it?"

Avian casts her eyes down, and obvious battle playing on her face. Only a few seconds pass before she raises her gaze, suddenly very mellow.

"I wished to have purpose." She says simply, staring at the raised judge's desk ahead of her. "Before, I was content with the limited world in which I lived. Up until their arrival, I had forgotten what it was like to have a goal, a reason to live. For years, my sole reason for living was just that, to live. Survival was the only think I knew. But after the time I spent with Levi and his squad, I was reminded of the basic part of me that had grown dry in my isolation. Hearing stories of what they where apart of here, what they did, it made me realize that as it was then, my life has no meaning. I was to live and die in a forest alone. "

Avian pauses, lost in thought and voice soft.

"Without meaning too, a desire to DO something, anything, grew. I believed there to be no place for a creature like me, but Eren proved me wrong. He told me of a life behind and beyond the walls, a life lived for others, the life of a soldier, to serve and protect. It intrigued me. Before we parted ways, Eren begged me to join them, he told me of how he was able to serve with his own titan power, and as much as I tried not to… A small part of me believed him. I fought it for as long as I could, but in the end, I was just diving myself mad…."

The ginger centers her orbs on Darrius.

"I came here because I wish to serve mankind and give my life meaning."

No one utters a word, and Darrius rests his head on his clasped hands and ponders, thinking for a very long time. No one makes a move as the judge deliberates, obviously weighting the risks and benefits of Avian's inclusion heavily. During that time, many of us dare not even breathe, all our attention focused on the aged man. After what seems like an hour of waiting, the man finally moves, lifting his head. He takes a moment to survey the people below him, then lifts his voice.

"I have made my decision."

Everyone waits as Darrius addresses us.

"Until more information is collected, Avian Conner will be put into the custody of the Recon Corps under the command of Corporal Levi during the course of the next expedition outside the walls. Her fate will be decided upon the results of that mission."

As one, my squad lets out a long breath, Petra and Eren's faces breaking out into wide grins. Unknowingly, I too let out a breath I had no idea I was holding and step back as the same two MP's from earlier come forward to release Avian from her bonds. As they work, I can't help but stare. Never before had such a thing happened, a defendant successfully waving their own punishment, and I'm genuinely impressed by her intelligence. In the end, she saved herself.

"You heretics!"

Pastor Nick's voice cuts into the air, halting everyone in mid exit with an accusing finger thrown our way.

"When this world falls, YOU will be to blame!" the crazed man assaults. "All of you will be to blame when that DEVIL turns against us! Heed my words! That fiend is evil dressed in a woman's body!"

Though the entire congregation stares at him and his antics, he continues his religious rage, his beady, condemning eyes cutting a distraught Avian into pieces, and before I know it, something in me snaps.

"Have you got something you want to say to me, pig?" I threaten, voice cold as ice as I walk toward him, an action that catches the idiotic priest by surprise. "You're quite confident when you have your nasty cult beside you, fattening yourselves and living in luxury while my men die protecting your ungrateful asses. How about you do us all a favor and actually make something beneficial instead of spouting all that bullshit you love so dearly. Or better yet; let's see how you fair without us? That sound like fun? Your walls won't be worth shit without us to maintain and defend them, so I suggest you keep that filthy trap of yours shut."

Pastor Nick trembles under the heat of my anger, and casting his eyes swiftly to the side to see if the coast is clear, scurries away like a beaten dog with its tail between its legs.

"Tch. Swine."

Following the eradication of the mad priest, the room fully clears out. Without paying much attention to them, I watch my squad escort Avian away, into one of the side rooms similar to the one Eren had been taken to long before. As they exit, Erwin calls me over and together, with Darrius Zacklay overseeing, we discuss and sign the necessary paperwork, documenting our future intentions and the results from today's trial.

"I have no doubt in your skill, Corporal…" the judge mentions as we go over the stack of papers. "…but I'm sure you're fully aware of the situation we are in."

At his comment, I lift my gaze, Darrius regarding me calmly, but with an obvious tone of gravity.

"While my final decision was swayed by that woman's reasoning, I cannot help but feel that she is too intelligent for her own good. Never before has such a point been made, and in honesty, what she said is truth. Without probable cause, this trial was essentially moot from the beginning. However…" he says, voice growing heavy. "… though she is now in your custody, The Military Police are fully supported in their reasoning's. You and your squad may have confidence in this woman's morality, but there are many here that openly suspect her as a possible traitor. I stand by my verdict, and will pass appropriate judgment depending on the results of your next mission, but I urge you to not be fooled in the face of familiarity. There is too much that we do not know about this Avian Conner. Too many variables to consider. Her situation is not the same as Eren's had been. She is neither citizen nor soldier, and lacks proper military discipline and training. In essence, I have little trust in her, but I do trust you, in the event of any resistance or hostility, to deal with her accordingly."

I nod, frowning at the paper beneath my hand as I sign.

"That woman won't even roll an eye while under my command, otherwise I'll cut them right out."

"I'm glad we have an understanding then."

Beside me, Erwin hands over his documents and casts his gaze to me.

"This interesting turn of events has worked in our favor for now." He begins as I finish my own papers. "While I can, I wish to properly speak to Avian myself."

"Whatever you want… I don't care."

With that, I finish and we head to follow where my squad had gone down the hall to the many side rooms and studies. Even before I open the door, I can hear that crazed Hanji's voice screaming some nonsense on the other side.

"WHAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Walking inside, Erwin and I are greeted with none other than the sight of Hanji absolutely losing her shit, doing that annoying thing with her arms waving in the air, hair flying. From assorted corners of the room, my squad just sit back and watch the display with a mix of feeling ranging from amusement to annoyance. Nearest me, Gunther, Eld, and Oluo watch from as far away as they possibly can while Eren and Petra wear similar expressions of exasperation from where they have taken places beside a very bewildered Avian, holding a wad of cloth to her lip.

"THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST DAY EVER!" Hanji screams, almost foaming at the mouth and rushes to take Avian's hands in hers. "IS IT REALLY TRUE THAT YOU CAN MOVE FASTER THEN A CANNON BALL? AND YOU CAN MAKE DAGGERS EMERGE FROM YOUR FINGERTIPS!? HAHAHAHA! WE'VE GOT TO RUN TESTS RIGHT AWAY! CAN I TAKE SOME BLOOD!? HOW ABOUT YOUR HAIR!? THIS IS SO GREAT I CAN JUST….!"

She is so full of excitement, Hanji throws her arms into the air and jumps, yelling in absolute bliss.

"Would you calm the hell down. You're doing that annoying thing where you open your mouth and sound comes out. It's giving me a damn migraine." I growl, attracting the woman's attention, possibly a huge mistake.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SUCH A BORE, LEVI! WE'VE GOT ANOTHER TITAN ON OUR TEAM! JUST IMAGINE ALL THAT WE CAN LEARN FROM HER!"

"I think your overwhelming her, Squad Leader Hanji." Petra muses, casting a disapproving look to the startled scientist. "She isn't used to people yet."

"And you're a lot of person to handle…" Eld remarks casually, leaning back against the wall, arms crossed.

"Huh…?" Hanji blinks, not understanding, but when she turns to look at the ginger haired woman whose uncertain eyes are as wide as damn plates, she lets out an upset whine, bending down to take Avian's hands once again, this time a little more calm.

"I'm SOOOOOO sorry! I'm just so excited that we actually have you that I forgot you're a bit of a coward, haha!"

"Hanji…." Petra sighs, and Eren follows up, leaning forward in his seat beside Avian. "She isn't a coward. How can you be so callus?"

He is about to say more, but Avian moves her hand to stop him.

"She is right, Eren. I am but a coward, squirming as a worm under the talon of the bird." She says, face solemn. "For too long have I neglected to water myself, now I am but a stunted weed in a field of rose."

"Don't say that!" Eren worries. "You're here now and that's all that matters."

Avian considers him.

"Perhaps you speak truth. My mother always told us 'A life making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing at all'."

"And that is exactly what we in the Recon Corps strive for." Erwin says suddenly, drawing the woman's gaze to him, having apparently not noticed him before. "All of our efforts are for the progression of mankind. There are those that see it as a waste of effort, but they are just mistaken and complacent in their cage."

"Erwin…."

The woman blinks as the commander takes Hanji's place in front of where she rests, a genuine smile on his face.

"I truly apologize for your treatment earlier, but it was necessary. Now that you're fate has been decided for now, I hope that you can come to forgive us. I wish to formally introduce myself to you."

Erwin extends a hand out.

"I am Erwin Smith, commander of the Recon Corps. I look forward to working with you, Miss Avian Connor."

The woman blinks, and I find it slightly amusing to see her so uncomfortable and taken aback.

"I…. I thank you, Erwin Smith." She says finally, but stares at his extended palm with a look of uncertainty.

After a moment, she swallows meekly.

"Am I supposed to… do something with that?"

Erwin's smile falls slightly at her words, and everyone in the room is surprised for a moment, then realization occurs to all of us.

"You've never shaken hands with someone before, have you?" Erwin asks, understanding.

"I have not." Avian admits, her face turning pink. "I assume I SHOULD know. Is it common here?"

"This is how we greet each other, or solidify an agreement. Here, give me your hand."

With obvious hesitance, Avian relents her hand to his, to which Erwin gently clasps them together, shaking them lightly before letting go.

"Now you know." He smiles at her, drawing the ginger's own small smile out.

"I apologize for my ignorance. We've…. My family has never done that to each other…"

"It's fine." Petra smiles to her. "We can't expect you to know how things are done here when you've never been with people before. We'll teach you."

"You did enough to help us out before. "Gunther adds, "We can return the favor." 

Eren nods, a smile on his face.

"You're among friends now."

The woman smiles slightly at the support, and I can't help but wonder at a question in my head.

"Say Avian," I begin, drawing her attention. "do you hate me?"

Avian considers, and by the look on her face, I know that her answer will be honest.

"I did not enjoy being beaten in front of a crowd," she answers, "but I do not hate you. If I remember correctly, you had to do the same thing to gain custody of Eren, yes?"

"It was the only way to show those filthy pigs just who they are dealing with."

"Then no, I do not hate you."

"Strange." Hanji interjects. "You and Eren are too forgiving. Levi always goes overboard with those things."

I frown.

"I don't remember asking your opinion, shit glasses."

"See! He's heartless!"

I scoff but say nothing.

"Say, Avian…" Eren continues. "Did you really mean what you said before? About your reason for coming here?"

The woman nods.

"It was. But that was the only reason I gave, because I felt that would be the only one they would understand."

"There's more?" Eld asks, curious.

"Figures she'd hide something…" Oluo comments, but no one pays him any attention, instead directing focus onto the ginger again.

"There is. Though I do wish to aid you with your cause, becoming a soldier is not the main reason for accepting your offer."

"What was the main one then?"

Avian frowns.

"It will sound childish."

"I doubt it."

"It isn't the revelation you are expecting from me either." She argues, but Petra shakes her head.

"It doesn't matter."

With all ears listening and given no room to weasel herself out, the woman finally sighs.

"In honesty, the main reason for leaving my home is because, for the first time in over a decade, I encountered something stronger than my fear…"

"And what was that?" Erwin asks.

Avian takes a second before answering.

"Loneliness."

That simple word alone drives me back to her little house in the middle of those woods. Without trying, a familiar weight fills my insides, a sensation that I grew very familiar with over the course of my time spend in the underground city in my youth. It is a deep rooted feeling and is impossible to ignore, strong enough to drive people to do insane things. Yet again, I find something that Avian and I have in common, though it's not exactly the same. Even in that hell hole, I at least had two friends beside me; Avian had none.

'_Things are different now.'_

"We'll you sure as hell won't be feeling like that again." I say flatly, breaking the uneasy quite. "Too many damn people…"

"You say that like it's a bad thing…." Hanji whines, pouting. "You need more friends, Levi. At this rate, you'll grow into a senile, grumpy old man with no company aside from the dusters in your closet."

I hit her with a deathly glare, but that doesn't stop her from breaking out into laughter.

"I can just see that now! What would your best friend be, a mop? Hahahaha!"

I can only growl as everyone else joins in with her laughter, Hanji nearly tearing up from the force of her amateur hilarity. Even Avian breaks out into a wide grin, though there really isn't any way for her to understand the jibe fully yet. For all I knew, she only found it amusing because everyone else understood. Or because she finds Hanji as much of a buffoon as I do. Either way, it was kind of nice to see a positive look on her face. She looks more like the woman I have grown to know, with a smile lighting up her features. In fact, she smiles so widely that the cut in her lip began to bleed again, marking a crimson trail down her chin and neck.

"Darn it…"

The woman notices and frowns, raising the cloth still clasped in her hand to wipe up the stream and cover the wound.

"It's still bleeding?" Petra scowls, to which Avian nods. "Shouldn't it be healed already?"

"Of course not." Avian frowns, "I have only just received it. Cuts do not heal in the passage of an hour."

Her comment throws most everyone, outside Erwin, off a little.

"What do you mean? Do you not have accelerated healing from your titan power?" Eren asks, puzzled, and Avian shakes her head.

"I don't…." she answer warily, looking at us. "Am I supposed to?"

"Fascinating…"

Of course Hanji would be the first to recover, and instantly goes into scientist mode.

"Do you still feel pain? How deep is the cut? Have you always healed normally?"

Avian leans back a little at her question, but answers them, albeit somewhat cautiously.

"It still hurts, and I do not know just quite how deep it is. Perhaps a centimeter? It isn't very deep. And I heal just like everyone else as far as I know. Perhaps just a miniscule amount quicker. There was a time my brother Tolkien and I both cut ourselves when we lost our grip on a large plow blade…"

Hanji's eyes immediately light up.

"What happened!? Did you lose a finger? A toe?"

"No… we didn't." the woman replies with a slight frown, obviously just as weirded out by her antics as everyone else inside these walls. "We only received minor lacerations, but mine did heal completely around two or three days sooner than his even though the injuries were roughly identical."

Hanji smiles.

"Truly fascinating… I must know more… Can I have some of your blood? PLEASE? JUST A LITTLE!? MAYBE SOME SKIN!?"

"Now isn't the time for that Hanji." Erwin calmly rebukes, then turns to Petra. "Would you please take Avian down to the infirmary so she may have that wound cleaned and tended to?"

Petra swiftly nods, standing up, but Avian resists.

"It is no trouble. I have dealt with worse. I can take care of it on my own." She argues, but Erwin shakes his head.

"You are part of the Recon Corps now, so you must follow your Superiors orders. The first step into getting you acclimated with how things are done here is to introduce you to as much of it as we can. The nurses are kind people, and will take good care of you. Also…"

Erwin stares right into her eyes.

"… you must realize that you don't have to do everything by yourself anymore. In the Corps, we are a team, and our strength lies in working together. Everyone here has a job they must do for the benefit of the whole. For you, the job you have is to be in the best shape you can for our next mission."

"And when is the next mission?"

"Now that we have custody of you; Tomorrow morning."

*Author's Note*

Oh how exciting! :D Honestly thought that the MP's had her for sure, but Avian proves to be a slick thinker. Her parents Reid and Generva must be proud of that brain of hers! Anywho, hope you enjoyed this chapter! Like always, leave your thoughts and comments in a review, for they are my life blood and I love seeing what you have to say! Now, for the previous week's question, I'd have to say that my favorite part in the anime has to be the Female Titan arc. Just the entire arc had me on the edge of my seat and really drove this anime into my ultimate favorites list. It was just so intense and unreal and just…. GAHHH OAO I know that doesn't fall into the whole part/episode guideline but… oh well. Plus any scene where Sasha and Hanji are involved are my faves too. Like that one part where Eren accidentally spawns that titan arm trying to pick up the spoon and Hanji just completely flips out. I just about died. I was laughing so hard that no sound actually escaped, so I just sat there in front of my computer cackling silently and clapping like a retarded seal XD. Anywho, how about another question? Let's keep it going people!

So, do you have a favorite couple/ship that you love or are partial too?

It can literally be between anyone. ANYONE. I mean, if you ship Pastor Nick with freaking Krista or whatever, more power to ya (but that's kinda gross so I seriously hope none of you DO support that ._.) But before I go, I just want to thank you all for your answers and reviews. They really mean a lot. I'd like to point out some awesome people: Fishy-Ninja, imafangirlforever, and crystalviolet24… you're all awesome. Thank you for your frequent reviews. I love seeing them! And I'd also like to shout out Sayuriameyo as well for your long review. I saw it and I turned into Hanji for a moment lol. To answer your question Sayuri, no, I do not mind long reviews. Heck, the longer the better! :D

As always, thank you all for reading and I'll see you next week!

-Ambi


	10. Journey to Wall Rose

Chapter 10:

**Journey to Wall Rose**

All too soon, the Wall Rose gate stands before me as we settle our horses, watching the giant slab of stone slowly rise into the air. All around soldiers and citizens alike wait: towns people conversing, yelling, cheering, and whatever the hell else, while Recon mantles flap haphazardly in the breeze all around, the familiar weight of the upcoming mission subduing voices to mere whispers. Though it's still early, the sun is hot on our backs, and I can already feel streams of sweat falling down my body.

'_Damn heat. Making me filthy already.'_

As we all watch the gate slowly open ahead of us, my mind flies back to the previous night to our briefing.

….

"_Before I address the rest of our legion, I wish to inform you all of the plan we have in set for tomorrow."_

_Erwin casts a gaze over the small group, consisting of my own squad with Eren and Avian included, and Squad Hanji, consisting of the overzealous scientist herself along with her assistant Moblit Berner. It is dark now, the sun fully set, and the night casts shadows into Erwin's office. A few torches light the area, bathing it in amber glow, but it's not enough to chase the darkness away from the corners of the room._

"_As you all know," Erwin continues, hands clasped behind his back. "more than two and a half months ago, an unknown cause broke through Wall Rose, creating a large breech an estimated eighteen meters in height, nine meters in length. Since the failure of our first attempt to seal the wall, the Legion has put all its efforts into forming a caravan that will transport supplies and manpower to the site. Due to the extreme amount of supplies needed to seal the hole, travel will be slow and tedious. To combat this, I will enlist every able bodied Recon member to this mission…"_

"_Everyone?" Eld frowns. "Just how many are we talking about?"_

"_Including the 104__th__ Trainees, three-hundred twenty."_

"_That's everyone in the whole damn Corps." I scowl. "What the hell do we need three-hundred people for? It's not like we'll encounter titans on the way there now that the stupid hole is sealed off and we picked out the ugly stragglers that managed to make it in."_

_Erwin regards me for a moment, far too familiar with my attitude to be offended._

"_I'll get to that in a moment. Now, for this mission, we will implement the Long Distance Travel formation similar to the one used during our 57__th__ expedition. However, all priorities will be focused on protecting the repair supplies until we reach the wall. There will be eighty supply carriages in total, and each will be guarded by a single squad consisting of three members. Though there are no titans that we are aware of inside the walls, there are villagers who, due to the destruction caused by the titans immediately following the break, are not above petty theft and retribution."_

'_Those hellions…' I think, scowling._

_Following the outbreak while my squad and I were staying with Avian, the remaining Recon soldiers efforts where put into setting up a temporary defense to block the hole as well as chasing down and killing any titans that managed to enter the walls. During this time, it took the efforts of both the Garrison and the Military Police to evacuate all citizens within one-hundred kilometers of the breach. Because of this, many families were forced to leave everything they owned, and the stress of such a sudden evacuation added with a low supply of rations and cramped refugee houses have put the majority of the refuges on edge. The sudden escape of Annie Leonhart along with Reiner and Bertolt did nothing but add fuel to the fire, as the event stalled resealing the gate even further. In short, with nothing else to place their frustration on, groups have blamed the Recon Corps for their discomfort and hunger._

"_Once we get through the evacuation zone," Erwin continues, "We will travel nonstop until we reach the wall. From there, with collaboration with Dot Pixis and the Garrison, we will begin to set the foundation for the seal. Eren, this is where you come in."_

_At this, the teen bolts to attention beside me, hyper attentive in that annoying 'newbie' way of his._

"_Yes Sir!"_

_Erwin nods._

"_Resealing the wall will commence in two parts. The first will be immediately upon arriving. Due to high titan activity in daylight, we are limited to what we can do to begin sealing the breach. Our plan is to use this time to fortify the jagged edges of the broken interior of the wall, as well as the outside edges to make it flush and uniform. For this, we will utilize your titan strength to lift and put in place the large bricks we are carrying with us into place. I will show you how to properly build a wall once the meeting is over."_

_Eren nods._

"_Once that is complete, we will wait until nightfall while the titans are least active to have Eren finish the repair. This is where all of our manpower will come into play."_

_At this, everyone leans in, listening intently. Even shit glasses, who miraculously hasn't said a single word._

"_In order to fully block the breach, it will be necessary to remove the weighted metal netting currently blocking it. Once it is lifted, Eren and the half build seal will be completely exposed. Our job, is to protect Eren and the breach until repairs are finished. To do this, I have devised a defensive plan."_

_At this, Erwin turns and pulls out a large scroll from the shelf behind him. With a ruffle, he throws open the paper onto his large desk, spreading it out for all to see. On it is an obvious map of Wall Rose, complete with cannon locations, transport rails, and supply stations. Just beyond the wall inside Wall Maria territory are three parallel, arched lines cupping a circled portion of Wall Rose where the breach is located. Erwin points to his drawn lines with a steady finger._

"_This will be our formation. Just inside Wall Maria territory there will be three defensive lines, the Front guard, Middle guard, and Rear guard. All three will be led by a single, centrally located leader, and all soldiers will be on horseback. These three lines will be stationary, and will only engage in combat if deemed necessary. The Front guard will be the first line of defense, and it will be their job to kill any titan that comes near. If any titan should break their way through this first line, it is up to the Middle guard to engage and kill the titan next. Just the same, should a titan make it past the Middle guard, the Rear guard will engage. Along with the three defensive lines, there will be a last resort force located directly above the breach. It will be a mixture of Garrison soldiers as well as the Recon Corps' most elite. As you can surmise…" Erwin says, catching everyone's eye for a fraction of a second. "… this is where you will be. Should anything happen to where a titan makes its way through all three defensive lines, it will be up to you to stop it immediately."_

_Erwin pauses for a moment as Hanji raises a hand._

"_I have a question, Erwin. I understand that repairing the wall during the night hours is our best bet, but the darkness will be a severe disadvantage at seeing what is to come. How are we supposed to identify titans and signal to the other lines that one has been spotted? Signal flares are useless during the night."_

"_You are right, that is exactly why we've developed a new technology…"_

_At this, both Hanji's ears and mine open up as Erwin takes a cloth package out of his pocket and sets it on the table on top of the map. With a few flicks, he unwraps the small object, revealing a metal canister gun, similar to the one we've used for Signal flares, and three new looking ammunition casings._

"_During the two months proceeding our previous expedition," Erwin continues, lifting the new gun for us to see. "a collaborated effort between the Recon Corps scientists has brought to us a new signaling technology; the Night Flare gun. After our return, it was abundantly clear that any repair work done to the wall would have to be done at night, so since then, we've been working on a new type of ammunition that can be seen during dark hours. As you can see.." he say, slowly twirling the gun, allowing all of us a good glimpse, "… these are very similar to the Signal flare guns we already use. However, they are altered slightly so they may fire a completely new ammunition, which we have here."_

_Setting the silvery gun down, Erwin motions to three metal canisters, each with a colored stripe engraved around the outside of it; green, red, and white._

"_In order to be seen at night, these flares are filled with a mix of gunpowder and numerous chemicals to create three different burn colors. Due to the limited color pallet of these flares, our normal color code for flare color will be altered slightly. First," he says, picking up the green striped canister. "is the green flare. This is to be fired whenever a normal titan of any meter class is spotted. Second," he picks up the red flare. "is the red flare. This will be fired whenever an aberrant titan of any meter class is spotted. Finally," he picks up the white flare. "the white flare is to be fired upon neutralizing the threat. Each mounted soldier will be given multiple canisters of each color, and unlike how the Signal Flares are used, only the soldiers closest or in direct path of the oncoming titan will fire a round to alert all other members of the direction in which the titan is coming from. Until the repair is finished, the formation will stand it's ground and the only communication will be issued through the flares…"_

_Finishing up, Erwin gathers the Night Flare gun and it's ammo into its cloth wrap, and rolls up the map._

"_All further detail will be decided once we arrive at the wall. Any questions?"_

_The only thing that greets him is silence._

"_Good. If you truly have nothing to ask, you are all free to prepare." Erwin dismisses, but as everyone begins to stand, he throws a look to me. "I'll speak with you in a moment, Eren, but I wish to have a word with Levi first."_

_I don't bother to answer, deciding to just stand and wait as everyone leaves, both Eren and Avian casting half inquisitive glances at us before being herded out. Once alone, Erwin's face frowns, drawing out a snarky comment from me._

"_You look as if someone killed your mother." I say, but Erwin just ignores my jibe; imperviously stoic._

"_A lot is riding on this mission, Levi. And I know that you are fully capable of doing what needs to be done. However, I need for you to speak to Avian and make it VERY clear just what all is at stake here. I have confidence that all will go well, and that she will follow your orders, but we both know that things hardly ever turn out as we plan."_

_We both fall silent for a moment._

"_Just as Darrius said, the MP's have valid reasons for not trusting her. Whether she is useful or not will be determined by the outcome of this expedition. If, for any reason, Avian shows any signs of resist or hostility toward anyone, or you feel that she is a threat to our soldiers and the mission, kill her."_

_Erwin stares me down with that unbreakable visage of his, but he already knows what my answer is._

"_Not a problem."_

….

Blood rushes through my veins as I return to the present, the large stone gate nearly fully open. Horses whinny, reins cling, citizens yell and cheer and do whatever nonsense they always do, growing louder the higher the gate opens.

'_We can't leave soon enough… '_

Just behind me I hear the sound of hooves stamping irritably as someone leans in their saddle.

"Hey, you okay?" Eren says in a hushed voice, catching my interest and instantly getting on my nerves.

"Shut up why don't you." I growl without turning around. "We're about to leave, idiot."

"But Avian's pretty freaked out Corporal…"

'_Freaked out? What the hell over!?'_

Even more irritated, I turn around and sure enough, just behind me to my left, the woman sits on one of our tan stallions, looking positively tiny and pathetic. The reins shiver in small, shaky hands that she doesn't bother trying to hide. Her stature is hunched, submissive, and the hood of her gifted Recon Corps mantle is lifted as far as it can go, casting her face in shadow though I can still see her wide, dilated eyes shining beneath. My frown deepens.

"Second guessing your decision, Conner?"

The woman doesn't answer, instead, she flinches at the sudden shout from an overly rowdy man elbowing the man next to him in the crowd.

"Isn't that the shifter girl they captured yesterday? What's she doing with the Corps? Are they crazy!?" the first one says, a thin, bearded man that has the look of a sleep deprived horse.

His cheeky, small eyed friend replies. "They'll let just about anyone into the military nowadays. Even damn monsters. HEY!"

The second man yells and claps, trying to get Avian's attention, which only makes her flinch. Though I'm not overly opposed to the man's obvious dislike and treatment of the shifter, the stupid idiot's actions are about to drive the retarded woman mad, and I can't have a soldier on a mission if that soldier's mental state is absolute shit. So, to remedy this, I shift and yell back at the man.

"Have you nothing better to do than imitate a squealing pig…?" I glare at them, and they immediately stop and gape when they finally notice who I am, so distracted by Avian they failed to notice the strongest soldier in the whole damn army.

"You're Corporal Levi…!" they breathe, suddenly looking very lost and awkward under my heated gaze.

"How about you two shut the hell up. You're pretty brave for a couple of rats who were too afraid to enlist."

The pair just look at me dumbfounded.

"Now if you don't mind, leave my subordinate alone, or do you wish tell me something with all that mighty talk of yours?"

Neither man says a word, just as I knew they would, and satisfied that the situation is now handled, I face forward again at the sound of the gate banging to a stop. I was going to interrogate Avian to see just what the hell was bothering her so bad, but that will just have to wait. Far ahead of me, a familiar blond head lifts, taking a moment to let the legion brace itself, then lets out a great shout.

"ONWARD!"

With a snapping of reins, the legion jolts into motion, all moving as one body down the wide main street and through the gate. Exhilaration pumps through me as we ride out into the open land, different carriages and squads taking their spots in the huge formation. Up ahead leading the legion is Erwin, of course, along with three of his subordinates, one being that strange sniffing man Mike Zacharius. Though I can no longer see them, I know that the rest of my squad to be dispersed among the vast formation. Gunther is ahead, to the left, while Petra and Eld are on the right with Oluo somewhere near the front. The formation is so large that I can barely see the edges of it, even from my vantage point near the center rear. As the distance between us and the Stohess gate grows, I signal with my arm for Eren and Avian to take position around our assigned cart, driven by a Corps member I do not know by name. Thanks to the heavy payload and the sheer vastness of the operation, travel is slow, with us going about half our normal speed to avoid breaking the wheels of our carriages on the rough terrain. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Eren pull up to his position on the right side of the cart, hair and mantle flying. Once settled, he glances back at where I know Avian to be at the rear of the cart.

"You okay?" he asks again, able to speak clearly at such a slow speed.

Turning, I watch as Avian slowly lifts herself up, visibly relaxing slightly now that we have some space to ourselves.

"I don't know…" she replies a bit shaky.

"What happened?" Eren says, concern written on his face. "You looked as if you were about to be killed."

The woman swallows, gently lowering her hood now that she has calmed down a little, ginger hair flying in the wind.

"I…" she stutters, turning red in the face. "I couldn't handle all the eyes on me… The yelling…"

"That's right. I forget that all this is new to you, even the people." Eren apologizes. "Did it scare you that bad?"

"It was... highly uncomfortable. I've never seen that many people in my life… so to be frank, yes, it did scare me."

I scowl.

"Well you're in for a damn rude awakening…" I say over my shoulder, gaining the woman's attention. "All this 'I'm scared of people' shit has to go. If you're going to be one of us, you're going to have to get over this paranoia that everyone is out to kill you. Plain and simple."

Avian looks at me with an expression that is half hurt, half embarrassed.

"I know."

Silence falls between us for a long while as we ride, eyes peeled for any so called mischief makers. It takes us over half an hour to make it to the beginning of the evacuation zone, and as far as I can tell, no one encountered any problems. Once inside the abandoned area with just under 100 kilometers to go, Eren speaks up again.

"Hey Avian…" he begins. "…can I ask you something?"

The woman makes a noise in response, "What would you like to know?"

"It's just… I still can't believe what you said yesterday during the trial. I never would have thought about pointing something like that out; the fact that you didn't have any charges against you I mean. For someone who hasn't been around people, you're pretty brilliant. How did you figure out what to say?"

I turn slightly in my saddle, leaning an ear in interest as the woman gazes down at her hands.

"I thank you for your praise, Eren, but as much as I would love to claim such brilliance as my own, I can't."

Her answer catches both me and the brat off guard.

"What do you mean?" he asks, confused. "Of course you can claim it. You came up with it."

Avian shakes her head.

"I didn't. Though I did improvise at certain parts of the conversation, most of my words were not my own. In all honesty, I read in one of my father's books a situation similar to the one I found myself in yesterday. While the others were talking, I spent my time trying to recall how the story progressed, and when it came time for judgment and I knew that I was about to be lost, I spit out what I remembered, and hoped that it would apply in some form or way to your judicial practices."

Eren blinks.

"You didn't really know what was going on?"

"That would be correct."

Eren blinks again and I gaze at the woman, scrutinizing her.

"So…." I say slowly, watching her. "….you bluffed that entire discussion."

Avian lands her blue eyes on me.

"Essentially."

For once, the brat and I share the same thought and just stare at the woman, letting that information sink in. After a moment, I speak again.

"I don't know whether to think of you as lucky or damn crazy." I say flatly.

"Thank…..you?" she frowns, the confusion on her face almost laughable.

"I had no idea…" Eren mumbles. "You looked like you knew what you were talking about. I never would have guessed you made it up."

"Not made up."Avian corrects him. "Merely quoted."

"Still… That's pretty smart."

Avian shrugs him off.

"I was desperate and I did not know what else to do. If it came right down to it, and I was to be put to death, I would have retaliated."

Eren nods.

"I understand. I still think it was brilliant of you, though." He says earnestly. "You saved yourself where everyone else couldn't."

"For now…" I interrupt, casting a lazy eye to the two of them, concentrating on the woman. "You're safe at the moment, but depending on how this mission goes, they can still decide to kill you. If you want to stay alive , all you need to do is shut up and obey my orders without question. Think you can handle that without jacking it up?"

"I believe I can. You have already told me this before, there is no need to repeat yourself." Avian frowns.

"Well seeing as you're 'green' and so out of touch with humanity that you don't even know what a simple handshake is…" I retort, to which the ginger casts her eyes away in embarrassment. "…I believe I can tell you as many times as I feel like."

With a simple flick of my wrist, I guide my horse a little closer to her.

"You've got to understand how serious your position is. Not only is YOUR life at stake, but everyone who's on this mission."

At this, Avian lifts her head, a look of slight confusion on her face.

"What do my actions have to do with your comrades? Only Eren and I are in your squad…"

"It doesn't matter."

I hit the woman with a stony gaze intense enough to where she can't look away.

"You need to get it through that thick head of yours that things are different here. All these soldiers are not like you. They are human, vulnerable, and in this line of work, skill and determination don't mean shit. The only way we survive is by working together and looking out for one another. Forget that, and you might as well kill your teammates yourself. I'm telling you this because you have to get used to the fact that you're not looking out only for yourself anymore. Every decision you make, every action you take while out in the field, could be the difference between life and death for those around you. If something goes wrong and you make the wrong choice, their blood will be on your hands. These men and women have feelings, fears, limits…. Many are probably thinking about their families, and whether not they'll make it back to see them again."

Avian doesn't say a word, but from the stoic expression on her face, it's easy to say that she understands.

"I'll tell you exactly what I told Eren. You can either trust in your own abilities, or you can put your trust in you comrades. We may think we have things under control, but no one knows how things will turn out. Whatever choice you make, choose the one you will regret the least."

The woman lowers her head, and for the majority of our journey, everyone stays silent. Travel is still slow, and there is nothing of interest except for the occasional abandoned village. Fields that where once well kept are now slowly being overrun without farm hands to tend to them. Even some animals like sheep and goat run aimlessly through the vast expanse with no shepherd to guide them. By the time Wall Rose finally begins to come into view, the sun is high in the sky and the heat of the day so strong that I've all but ruined my uniform.

'_That's just great. Nothing better than having to wear absolute filth before the work even begins.' _I scowl down at my form, using a single finger to pull on the collar of my cravat. _'That Erwin owes me a new uniform, shirt, AND cravat. There is no way in hell I'm wearing ANY of this once this mission is over.'_

With nothing else to do but put my dilemma in the back of my mind, I return my attention to the wall ahead of us, slowly growing in size and height. Even several kilometers away, I can already see the gaping hole in the wall. Behind me, I hear Avian shift, and hesitantly clears her throat.

"May I ask something?"

"What?" I reply, without turning around.

"Why has it taken so long for you to repair your wall?" she asks, sounding almost meek, obviously still affected by our earlier conversation. "I'm aware that the situation with the three runaways would have slowed the process down, but surely it would not take two months for you to get this plan fully underway? You have plenty of soldiers…"

"We do have plenty of men, the problem was that we had nothing to repair the wall with. All materials had to be made from scratch since we have nothing we can dismantle, such as buildings or things of that nature, so most of the past couple months were spent waiting. Soon after his return, Erwin received clearance to order nearly every kiln in the district to begin baking large stone bricks that will be used to help fill in the hole. From what I hear, the Church of the Walls nearly started a riot in protest, spouting all that shit that the walls are goddesses send from heaven to protect us. Damn delusional pigs…. Thanks to them raising hell, we had to wait even longer before our brick masons could even begin their work."

"I see… Say, that man in the black robe from my trial, the one who yelled at me, he is one of these believers?"

I grimace in severe distaste.

"He's the damn priest. For some reason, the heads just let him do whatever the hell he wants no matter how idiotic him and his religion are."

Avian makes a noise to let me know that she heard but says nothing. Soon enough, we are within the giant wall's shadow, and though most of the Garrison's soldiers are atop the massive structure, many more wait below, guiding our carts and men around the base and help to deposit our payload as well as keep order in the semi-chaos. Since we were positioned in the rear of the formation, it takes a while for us to reach the center of activity. By that time, a large pile of brick has already been laid down in a pile for future use, taking up the entire left side of the field. Beyond the pile further to the left, the hole gapes, and I can hear the sound of the metal netting clanging, probably a lone titan trying to force its way through. Thankfully, the net holds true and it's only a few seconds before a muted thud sounds from where one of the Garrison must have killed the monster. From the corner of my eye, a tall, brown haired woman approaches, her counterpart, a young looking boy of sandy blond, escorts our cart away.

"Corporal Levi?" she asks, saluting.

"Yeah. What?"

Her hands fall to her sides.

"Commander Erwin and Commander Pixis have requested that you and your travel squad meet them atop the wall above the breach to discuss your plans."

"Fine. Then take our horses."

Without waiting for a reply, I hop off my own steed, Eren and Avian quickly following my example, then walk away, the two shifters stumbling behind.

"Corporal," Eren asks once he is caught up. "how is Avian going to scale the wall? She has no gear."

I walk for a little bit more, weaving my way between soldiers going back and forth between duties, then stop just a few feet from the foot of the great stone wall. With little enthusiasm, I turn and stare at the teen as if he was stupid.

"How do you think?" I retort, flicking my gaze quickly to the woman, who wears only a simple pair of dark shoes, pants, the Recon Corps mantle, and a white blouse borrowed from Petra. "Since this one isn't skilled in using gear yet, the only way for her to reach the top of the wall is to hitch a ride with someone who IS skilled using the gear."

Eren still looks confused, the idiot, and since I no longer feel like dealing with him, I just answer him.

"You carry her."

Eren's face turns slightly pink while Avian looks as if she doesn't understand what the big deal is. Knowing her case, she probably has no clue, frankly.

"I… I don't know…" Eren stutters, suddenly bashful.

"What? So you're going to disobey a direct order?"

That gets the dumb brunette's attention.

"N…No sir! Never!"

"Then quit your whining, shut up and do as I say."

I take just a moment to stare at him, making sure that he knows I'm dead serious, then leave them, pulling out my empty blade sheaths and launch myself up. It's a tad more difficult to scale such a large, vertical surface, but I clear it with practiced ease; I pull myself up several dozen feet, push off the wall to create some distance, then shoot my cables and repeat the process. In less than a minute, I reach the top, landing softly solid ground. Upon the wall, the Garrison are alive with activity. Several cannons have been moved closer to the breach, some pointing directly down, others outward. Each cannon is manned by a two person team, along with several others running around serving as ball monkeys, messengers, and relievers. As far as I can see, not a single titan is in sight, but that hardly means anything, since a whole hoard of them can appear anytime. To my left, Erwin and Pixis chat, both gazing out into the distant horizon until Pixis spots me over Erwin's shoulder.

"There he is! We were beginning to think we'd lost you!" the old vet chuckles, though his statement is not even remotely funny. "And I'm glad to see your two friends made it as well!"

On que, I hear the sound of cables, and I turn just in time to see Eren hop over the wall, one arm around Avian. I almost crack a smirk at how quickly he lets her go once his feet touch stone, and the opposing expressions on their faces just makes it even better. Obviously unaffected by her short escorted flight, Avian stays composed and walks to stand by me, Eren following a little more slowly. She blinks up at the two older men as they join us, scrunching her face slightly in thought.

"Pixis?" she asks.

"That is correct! I'm surprised you remember me, or even recognized me for that matter. The poor lighting in that cell and the courtroom just seem to add years." He smiles, gazing at her. "But as much as I would love to talk about other things, more pressing matters are at hand…"

As is his way, in almost an instant, Pixis' demeanor changes and his smile drops, replaced by a stern look.

"I hope you understand just how serious this mission is, Avian. And not just for you. Not only will your performance today determine what will happen to you once we return to the district, it will determine the very course of this mission. Do you understand what this means, Avian Conner?"

Avian nods.

"Yes."

I instantly hit her with a smoldering glare, and she immediately clears her throat and swallows, obviously self-conscious.

"I… I mean yes sir."

'_Absolutely no manners. How disgraceful.' _I think, though the thought is ironic seeing as I hate using titles and honorifics myself.

Pixis doesn't seem bothered by the ginger's lack of etiquette and continues on unfazed.

"Good! Now that we are all together," he adds, glancing at Erwin. "let's discuss this plan of yours."

Erwin nods, gaze as hard as Wall Rose itself.

"We've been planning and preparing for this mission the better half of two months. Now it's time to see it played out."

*Author's note*

Hello everyone! Sorry this turned out to be a pretty boring chapter. It'll pick back up in the next one I promise! I just want to say thank you to all who answered my question from last week. I really enjoy seeing what you all have to say! Now for my answer, there isn't much romance, so I don't have any couples that I ship, per say, but I will say that I'm a huge Levi x Petra shipper. That one scene between Levi and her father just got it for me, along with all the cute fanart and fanfics o3o lol I also like to goof around with Levi x Hanji and Levi x Eren in a non romantic kind of way just for funzies (and it's fun pairing up serious characters like Levi with practically everyone xD *shot*). Anywho, I don't have much of a question this week soooooooo…. I want to give you guys a chance to ask ME some things. It could be about anything; the story, myself, my snake, whatever! If you've ever wondered about something concerning the story or wish to know some random tidbit, ask away. I'll answer as best I can in the next chapter! Speaking of that, I kind of feel the need to reply to some of your lovely reviews from the previous chapter, so in no particular order:

Sayuriameyo: Oh those long reviews! I could almost cry! (in happiness *7*) Write all you want! The more the better! And don't worry about the unhealthy obsession part, I'm just as addicted hurhur. And I think Levi x Mikasa is kinda cute, but not in a romantic way. More like the annoying bestfriend/enemy who won't leave you alone yet can't stand to be without you kinda way if…. If that makes sense. No, okay.

xDollfie: I'm so glad you like the fic! My heart is filled to bursting C: I'm glad that Avian is coming off as an interesting and developed character. I'm really trying hard to create someone who is a bit dynamic and interesting, yet believable. So hopefully I'm avoiding Mary-Sue. There is still a lot we don't know about her, so keep your ears open. There is more information and background about Avian to come! And I also thank you for your wonderful critique! I realize that this fic lacks in much description, and there isn't really any excuse I can give you other than I'm trying my best to not make this story forced. I've tried writing very descriptive and detailed stories before, and I ended up burning myself out because it felt forced and like a chore, so I voted to just let the story flow out as it comes to my brain. I will keep your suggestion in mind though! I tried to be a little better here, but there wasn't much, so I'll do better next chapter!

Leah Hunter: Glad you enjoyed the fic as well and it seems to flow kind of naturally. As far as wasting my talent… I've been doing that for years by not writing at all. I used to write a lot, but I was so hard on myself and I hated my writing because I don't write the way I want to. My style is not one that I want to have, but I've decided to just run with it for this, and it's working out wonderfully! Perhaps I'll write a novel one day. I have many, many ideas, so we'll see ;D

Imafangirlforever: I didn't mean to freak you out by my name lol. I thank you for another review! You're so kind ;u;

Alina: Are you serious about this being one of the best AoT fics in your opinion? Seriously? You make me wanna cry ;u; I feel so honored! Glad you enjoy it so far!

Katialynne: I couldn't bear to keep Squad Levi as dead, I just couldn't. They left too soon :'c And your question is not awkward at all! Though I'm not sure exactly how to answer that. It is true that Avian is pretty much a dunce when it comes to romance, but in a way, Levi is too. I'm not entirely sure how far their relationship will develop at this point. I have a basic idea because I know what all is going to happen in the future, but characters tend to have a mind of their own, and what they do often surprises me because I let them run free in my mind and I get to see how they will react/respond to certain situations. I WILL say that relationship will develop over time, and that it will be strange on both sides lol.

AliLaShae: Wow, I didn't think people would love Avian so much lol. I thank you for your compliment as well ;u;

Well, I got carried away and pretty much answered everyone. Oops. Oh well. I just love reading what you have to say and letting you know just how grateful I am to you guys! As always, leave your thoughts and comments in a review and I'll see you all later!

-Ambi


	11. What's to be Expected

Chapter 11:

**What's to be Expected**

"You think Eren is going to transform okay?" Petra asks beside me from our vantage point on top of the wall.

I frown.

"He better. He's got no other choice. If that brat goes rouge one more time I'm going to cut his limbs off."

"Why do you always have to be so HARSH on the guy!?" a boisterous voice says, and suddenly Hanji rests her arms on my shoulder, giving my head a solid flick. "You need to learn to chill out! Have some fun! Or do you just ENJOY scaring the shit out of people?"

With a quick reflex born from years of dealing with this idiot's antics, I slip my shoulder from under her weight, grasp the collar of her uniform in my fist, and yank her down, almost throwing her off her feet. With tangible menace, I cut her wide eyed face apart with my glare.

"Keep your damn hands off me."

Hanji blinks but that annoying, overly joyful expression soon returns to her face.

"See!? This is why you have no friends, Shorty."

"What about us!?" Petra exclaims, looking slightly hurt. "Gunther, Eld and Oluo may be somewhere else right now, but I know that if they heard you say that, they'd be hurt too! I still can't believe you talk to Corporal that way!"

"Oh don't be silly!" Hanji laughs, even as I roughly shove her away. "Of course you're friend's, but you guys don't count. What I mean is people outside your little squad, ya know, NORMAL people. Corp needs to get himself a girl or SOMETHING to cheer him up!"

At this, Petra grows a little pink in the cheeks, and I've had just about enough of the brazen scientist.

"Don't you have some important shit to do shitty glasses?"I growl, but Hanji just continues on as if I never said anything.

"I'm serious! You know, you've been cursing a lot more than usual. How about you take a day off for once? A nice date will clear that sour attitude right up you know!"

"I don't think that's a good idea Squad Leader…" Petra mutters, looking equally embarrassed and mortified.

"Good idea!? It's a BRILLIANT idea! Say Petra, don't you have a little cr…"

"Hanji! Can we please just drop this!" the flustered woman exclaims, now all red in the face. "You're just going to make Corporal even madder!"

Hanji just lets out a boisterous laugh, throwing her wild hair.

"Oh he'll be fine! Besides, why are you so uptight all of a sudden? Don't tell me you're getting embarrassed!"

"No! Of course not, Squad Leader. I just…. What are you doing!?"

"Getting a closer look at your face. Don't you find it interesting that blood floods the capillaries in our face when we get emotional? It serves no real purpose but yet we do it, and your face right now is one of the reddest I've ever…"

"Hanji!"

The two continue to argue even as I walk away, head pounding from the sheer volume of Hanji's voice. I will never, in my entire life, understand that psychotic woman. Even as I walk, I can still hear her antics. Thankfully, everyone that I pass on top of the wall do well and mind their own damn business.

'_That woman had been talking about hooking me up for years. Doesn't she realize that it'll never happen.'_

Erwin and I have had a talk about this before, about his reasons for not marrying, and I find myself agreeing with his reasoning. The risk is just too great. We don't know when we will die. Close bonds with people only lead to more pain once they are taken away. Who in their right minds would subject themselves to such agony? This line of work is all about sacrifice of one's self. Sacrificing time, energy, emotion, attachments… and physical sacrifices such as food, sleep, rest, even our bodies and our lives are all on the chopping block. Once this path is chosen, our oath to swear loyalty to humanity, our lives were taken from us. They are not our own, but now belong to the ones beside us, our comrades, our friends, our entire race. Our sole duty is to offer up everything we have to the betterment of mankind, and no one can do that fully if they are tied down by personal attachment to another person. It's foolish and irrational.

'_If only she would get that through her thick skull and leave it the hell alone.'_

Even just thinking about it irritates me, and I sigh, coming to a stop just past the top of the breach, Hanji and her idiotic mouth thankfully far off in the distance. Rubbing my head to try and relieve some of the pounding, I look toward the ground alive with activity. Way below, half hidden in the shadow of the wall Eren waits, Erwin giving him some final instruction. With him, Eren's two closest friends Mikasa and Armin also stand, posing as the first line of defense in case Eren's transformation goes sour no doubt. Just behind them, a stream of people are making final adjustments and arrangements to the horses and the carriages, lining them up neatly in preparation to be assigned. Among those many bodies, I recognize the ridiculously small form of Avian as she leads a chestnut colored horse around the giant pile of stone bricks, the miniature woman talking adamantly to what looks like Sasha Blouse who leads another horse behind her. Interestingly, the ginger haired woman seems to be getting along very well, though as I continue to watch, it's obvious that she follows wherever Sasha goes. I wouldn't put it past her to feel highly uncomfortable around so many strange people, so I guess her following one person like a lost dog is to be expected. With the rough looking hole in the wall hidden from view, the entire scene of soldiers moving and working together almost looks a little serene, despite the scale of the task to come.

"Making sure everyone is staying in line, Corporal?"

I recognize the voice, and without giving him much regard, I answer.

"Just enjoying the fact that that damn scientist woman isn't rambling in my ear anymore…"

Beside me, Pixis lets out a hearty laugh, throwing his head to the sky.

"Yes, that one is certainly a piece of work to behold. That assistant fellow of hers drinks even more than I do, the poor lad."

I don't give him any response, but the Commander doesn't seem to mind. Instead, he stands and looks over the work being done below with me, and a surprisingly comfortable couple of minutes pass in silence, watching and baking under the sun. At last, he shifts.

"Kind of funny to see her back here again so soon after joining us."

'_He must be talking about Avian.'_

I follow his eyes and sure enough, he is watching her as she stands on the ground below, hand resting on the muzzle of a dark horse, getting ready to lead it along to the others.

"Ya know, seeing that woman yesterday when she wanted to enter the wall was one of the darnest things I've ever seen." PIxis continues with a slight smile, glancing at me. "Did Erwin ever tell you?"

"No. He didn't. What's so funny about a woman entering the gate?" I say, sounding bored, but in reality, I'm quite interested.

The back of my mind has been buzzing with curiosity of just how the woman had managed to convince her way inside. It was obvious that she didn't force her way in, otherwise the Garrison would have most likely killed her on the spot.

Pixis smiles, "Well, I wouldn't say it is funny. Many of my men were confused and wary of her actions, or lack of action, and some even questioned my sanity, letting her inside the walls. Just as you heard from the trial yesterday, Avian came to us in full blown titan form. I wasn't the first to spot her, but one of my subordinates was quick to alert me of the presence of an obviously aberrant titan lurking near the wall. I almost didn't spot her at first, she was so small, but when I did, I almost suspected her to be a human, especially since she had that gray horse in tow…"

At this he pauses and turns around, slowly walking to the other side of the wall, facing the outside. I follow him, stopping just short of the edge and follow his gaze.

"She stood just there near that cluster of trees, half hidden." He says, pointing out into the vast green expanse to a small group of trees several hundred feet away. "Never moved from that spot, they told me. My soldiers said that they had been watching her for the good part of an hour, waiting for her to get close enough to shoot at with the cannons, but she never did. In fact, she didn't do anything until I came. Even from that distance, I could tell she was watching me, and I could almost swear that the titan was scrutinizing me. Eventually, she stepped out in the open. It had been a while since Erwin alerted us Commanders about keeping an eye out for this 'Child Titan', but even after such a long time, and having never met her, I knew exactly who it was. She was just as you described, and everyone was baffled by her otherwise untitan-like behavior…"

Suddenly, Pixis breaks out into a grin and lets out a chuckle.

"The best part of it all is how that titan convinced me she was actually the one you and Erwin were looking for. I never thought I'd see such a sight…" he says, peaking my interest and he turns to me. "Want to know what this abnormally small titan did? It walked out into the open, stared right into my eyes, and saluted me. SALUTED me! Can you imagine the look on everyone's faces? A titan saluting an officer… it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. It even took me a moment to fully realize what just happened, but once I did, I knew that this titan was the 'Avian' you were looking for. I had no doubt in my mind that she meant no harm, in fact…"

Pixis pauses for a moment, gazing into blue sky with a thoughtful look.

"… her bravery earned my respect. I may not be a shifter myself, but I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to come all the way here and submit herself to strange people she's never seen. Even then, it was obvious to me that she wanted nothing more than to be welcomed here, and though her salute was backwards, she did so with the charisma of a true soldier."

His comment strikes me with a bit surprise, and I can't help but cast a curious eye to him as he continues.

"I've been at this for longer than you've been alive, so trust me when I tell you, Corporal, that you've got a good soldier under your command now. I can tell by the way she carries herself, and she's got a brilliant mind to boot."

I scoff slightly.

"I wouldn't say that. The idiot had to be told what a handshake was. And she acts like a frightened rabbit when surrounded by more than five or six people. That's not the makings of a soldier; that's just pathetic."

The bald man considers my words, nodding slightly in agreement.

"That may be true, but I can see certain virtues in her, just as I see them in Eren. That woman is a true fighter for sure, and don't let that skittish disposition fool you. I have a feeling that underneath that exterior is a soldier willing to do whatever it takes to protect her friends…"

"Doubt it." I frown. "She has no friends, first off. Second, she's been living for herself for ages, what makes you think that she'll suddenly be concerned with the condition of her comrades? For all we know, she's an incurable coward focused only on preserving her own life."

"Now now Corporal, I don't think you really believe that…" Pixis argues, eyes knowing. "What about the times she saved your squad's lives, hm? From what I recall, she did that twice, and she healed one of your boy's legs too."

As always, the man is spot on as usual, though how he is able to accurately pinpoint and size up a person is beyond me. Even before he said it, I knew my feelings to be wrong, but why? It WAS true that Avian saved my team from certain death, and it WAS true that, without her, Gunther might as well have lost his leg. In fact, the woman has shown pretty much nothing but kindness, despite having obviously next to no socialization with people.

"Believe it or not," he continues, "there are people who are just born compassionate. Most of the time, without proper teaching, that kind of personality can get someone into heaps of trouble, but it is useful as well. And even then, if she's not naturally caring, she can learn. Don't berate me when I say that you were very much the same way when we first met. Yet here you are, a leader among men, having come from a situation that would have logically carved you into an overly selfish and self preserving person."

Something stirs inside me at his words, a mix of feeling that is both soothing and painful at the same time. By all rights, I shouldn't be here, and I would be a liar if I said that I've never thought about just where I would be if Erwin hadn't come into the picture. It's impossible to imagine if Farlan and Isabel would still be alive, but if they weren't, I'd hate to see just the kind of man I would have become. Without really meaning to, my mind automatically swerves away from such thoughts, concentrating back on the here and now. If it's one thing I hate, it's thinking about what could have been. It does nothing but bring back memories I would rather not remember, and stir up emotions that would otherwise be subdued. My thoughts must have made me zone out for a while, because I'm suddenly brought back out of them by Pixis calling my name.

"I'm sorry for interrupting your daydream," he says. "but I must be off. Erwin is about ready to start the mission."

With an incline of his head, he walks past me, but after a few steps, he stops and looks at me over his shoulder one last time.

"Do try to not judge her too harshly. She still has a lot to learn, and you never know what sort of strength lies below the surface."

Before I can reply, he walks off, humming some cheery song to himself and takes a swig from his canteen. For a reason that I can't quite identify, his statement leaves me to ponder.

'_Crazy old man…'_

….

Just as the sun reaches its pinnacle, the mission is close to beginning. The first portion is simple enough: Eren is to begin laying the foundation for the seal. With nothing else to do, most of the Recon Corps and Garrison soldiers huddle in groups on top of the wall, whispering to each other as they stare down at the ground below where the brown haired teen waits. Ever since the battle between him and Annie inside Stohess, many soldiers have come to form one of two strong opinions on him; he has either earned their respect and a portion of their trust, or filled them with deep rooted suspicion. Though he has already proven himself useful, there are many who still question his motives and his humanity, even to the point of outright hatred. Even now as they watch from their own groups, the apprehension is tangible, not only among them, but among those closest to Eren as well. The brat still has yet to gain full control over his titan after shifting, so there is still a very real chance that this can go sour right from the get-go. If that happens, it's up to Mikasa and I to put a quick stop to him before things get out of hand…

'_Damn this blasted heat!'_

Nothing makes me more irritated than feeling filthy, and right now, all I can do is growl under my breath as a stream of sweat slides down my face, leaving a disgusting salty trail. The best I can do is wipe it off on the sleeve of my uniform, which I loathe just as greatly.

"Are you alright?"

"No. This weather is making my uniform dirty as hell and there's nothing I can do about it." I reply curtly, to irritated to even bother giving the ginger haired woman beside me a simple glance.

Even from the short time that she's had to spend around the other recruits, her situation is just the same as Eren's when it comes to people's views on her, maybe even worse. I haven't heard anything directly because low ranking cadets know better than to talk trash about my subordinates while in my presence, but I have seen very clearly from my place atop the wall the reactions she receives. She's able to speak quite fine around members of the 104th Trainees as seen when she had followed Sasha and eventually Connie around completing various tasks. I think I even saw what looked like Jean Kirstein speak to her for a moment before being called elsewhere. Other than those few, most people give Avian a wide birth, sometimes going well out of their way just to avoid close contact. Even if Avian manages to win over Darrius and wiggle her way into our ranks, she'll have to work her ass off to prove to her peers that she even deserves such a chance. And by the looks of it, Avian is fully aware that most are unhappy with her being there. The sun shines bright off her loose hair, making it glow, but her face is one of submission, and do to her near normal healing rate, there is a nice, thin scab jutting from her bottom lip. It's almost pathetic.

"It is a bit warm…" she replies eventually, and even her voice is muted. "How long do you think this will take?"

"Not too long. If the brat does it right, the foundation should be finished in under an hour."

Avian nods and says nothing, eyes centered on Eren when a loud voice, obviously Erwin's calls out, signaling for Eren to start. The initial shift is rough. The kid is able to transform on his first try, but when the cloud of steam brought forth from the yellow bolt of lightning begins to clear, the Rouge titan appears and doesn't even flinch. Who knew such lack of movement could make everyone looking on so tense. Even those of the Garrison have their swords half drawn in anticipation of battle. Below me, hanging on the side of the wall by their gear Mikasa and Armin swing, watching their friend with baited breath. I can hear them speaking, but can't make out what they are saying, though it's probably some form of coaxing to try and get Eren's attention inside the titan. A minute passes with nothing happening, just the Rouge titan standing with its head bend, hair blowing in the wind, and no one on the wall says a word.

'_It didn't work. Figures…'_

Just as I move to take my way to the edge of the wall and slice the brat out of that idiotic monster's neck, it's body shifts, and with great effort it seems on its part, lifts its head, taking a long, sweeping look around before centering it's green eyes on Mikasa and Armin below. It stares, unblinking at first, then with a massive shutter as if something cold had slipped down its neck, it blinks and some sort of recognition enters its gaze. It takes another second for him to find himself, but once he does, he walks a few steps to the giant brick pile, lifts a good handful of them up and begins walking toward the breach.

"He got it!"

Dropping my hands back to my sides from where they had been hovering over the hilts of my swords, I glance at Avian beside me, her blue eyes alight with fascination. For some unexplainable reason, that makes me highly irritated.

"What's so interesting?"

The woman turns to look at me with a perplexed expression.

"I'm sorry?" she says, eyebrows knit. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Just wondering why you're so interested in that brat. He's a freak just like you. What's new?"

At this, she frowns.

"I'm interested because I have never known the existence of someone like me until recently and wish to know more about them." She replies. "And he is not a 'freak'. Do you always speak of your subordinates in such a crude manner?"

"Who cares if it keeps him in his place. The kid is a loose cannon with a trigger temper that doesn't follow orders."

"That is still no excuse for such language." She says, looking indignant. "Do you just enjoy talking people down?"

I hit her with a hard look to shut her up.

"Maybe I do, and remember who you're talking to. I can punish you for insubordination."

The woman looks as if she's about to say something more, but a shrill voice behind me stops her.

"LEVI! HE DID IT!"

Before I even know what hit me, Hanji jolts into me, grabbing me by the shoulders and smiles in my face with an expression similar to one of a rabid dog.

"PLEASE CAN I GO DOWN THERE AND EXAMINE HIM!? JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE!? PLEASE!? ALL I NEED ARE A FEW SAMPLES! MAYBE SOME SKIN AND HAIR TO PUT UNDER THE MICROSCOPE. EVEN BETTER, SOME MUSCLE TISSUE! OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!"

"WOULD YOU QUIT TOUCHING ME!"

Somewhere in the middle of Hanji assaulting me and my efforts to get her the hell off, Avian slips away, walking into the crowd of people watching from the edge of the wall, everyone taking a few steps back as she walks by. For the briefest of moments, I find it impossible to see a soldier hidden in that tiny form.

….

Just as I predicted, it takes Eren a little less than an hour to get a good foundation started, and by then, the entire legion smells of dirt and sweat. The sun grew hotter than it's ever been in a long while, baking soldiers under their mantles and uniforms. Those down on the ground working in preparation to mix what will become a type of mortar to go in between the bricks are especially awful, their arms and legs crusted with powder. Apparently, inside a meager shack close to the wall's border where loads of ingredients used in making exactly the type of mortar we need. From what I've heard from side conversations with the Garrison, there are several shacks like this erected around the interior of the wall just filled with this stuff as an emergency precaution incase parts of the wall begin to crack or break. I for one thought they were just rundown farm houses or grain barns, but it makes sense to have such stores waiting in the wings. Aside from those who are making arrangements for the second portion of the mission, nothing else of interest happens, leaving me to wander lazily around supervising work, talk to other Superior Officers, and basically just sweat the day away. It's aggravating, but with nothing that I can do about it, I keep my mouth shut for the most part and find any way to make this long ass day go by a little faster. Eventually, the sun begins to set, throwing a long awaited cool breeze over us, giving some relief from the day's work. I don't think I've ever been so thankful for a mellow purple and gold sunset in my whole life. Unfortunately, my thoughts are interrupted as I make my way down the wall, landing with light feet a few yards from where Erwin waits.

"It's almost time to leave." He says. "Go ahead and gather your squad and meet Pixis above the breach. He will be leading you."

"Where are you going to be?"

"In the Rear Guard. Hanji leads the Middle Guard and Mike will lead the Front. I need you to stay here as I have instructed."

"Well this is about to get mighty boring…" I sigh, but nod. "Fine. How will we let you know when the brat is finished fixing the wall?"

"Pixis will take care of that. Now go and get into position."

"Will do."

With next to no farewell, Erwin walks away and takes the reins of a horse from a Garrison soldier nearby, easily sliding onto the beasts back and trots off to gather the awaiting soldiers. I follow suit soon after. It was easy enough to locate Gunther, Eld and Oluo, for they spent the majority of the day on the ground helping the other recruits with moving brick and mortar ingredients to their proper places. It probably wasn't the best job for Gunther, now limping slightly, favoring his injured leg.

"This is just ridiculous." He sighs as we make our way around the supply piles to find Petra and Avian. "You'd think I'd be just fine by now, but nope."

"Muscle takes time to heal properly, Gunther." Eld comments, glancing at the brown haired man at his side. "It has only be two months. It will be a while yet before strength returns to it."

"Still… I feel so useless, having to shamble like this." Gunther replies with frustration.

"You should be happy. You got a full month off!"

We all look at Oluo, his face tight as usual.

"You didn't even have to deal with any of that Stohess shit; having to help clean up the streets and cover up that hideous titan in the wall. Least we had it better that the stinking MP's. They had their hands full just trying to prevent a damn panic from breaking out."

Gunther looks as if he wants to argue but apparently decides to keep his mouth shut, and rightfully so. Oluo has more to say about the MP's than even I do, and the outspoken man cursed them like dogs during the entire cleanup operation to the point where I had to yell at him just to shut up. Luckily, I don't have to do that this time around for Oluo seems to take the hint and contents himself with muttering under his breath. As we weave our way around people and horses and carts, we find Petra soon enough, standing under a wooden awning assisting a group of soldiers with lighting scores of torches that will be placed strategically around the breach and on the wall to provide as much light as possible.

"Petra! It's time to go!"

At my voice, the woman perks up, and with a few hurried words to a blond haired woman in a Garrison uniform, makes her way toward us. As she joins us, I scan the scene behind her and frown.

"Where is Conner?"

Petra shrugs.

"I'm sorry Corporal, but I haven't seen her all day. Perhaps she's down here somewhere?"

'_She better be. I'm not in the mood for hide-and-seek.'_

But even though we take a few minutes to scour the entirety of the area around us, from the mortar shack up to the breach itself, there is no sign of the damn woman anywhere. For a second, I think about asking the brat Eren if he's seen her, seeing as the two have this weird connection with each other, but just as soon as the thought crosses my mind I knock it down. He's been busying himself with the breach all day, and with growing frustration, I shoot myself back up the damn wall and see him chatting with Pixis down on the ground in his usual spot. Now higher up, I see that most of the Recon soldiers have saddled and await Erwin's command, and here I am floundering around trying to find an irritable woman who could just as easily pass for a child among these normal sized people.

'_Just where the hell is she!?'_

My patience is quickly growing thin, and I'm glad that my squad knows better than to make small talk as they follow me around otherwise I'd probably bite their heads off. Now that I think about it, I haven't seen the ginger either, not since that blasted Hanji invaded my personal space and attacked me with her psychotic fascination. For all I know, Conner has been avoiding me, hiding like the coward she is. It goes without saying that finding one person in the midst of hundreds is like finding a needle in a haystack. But after a few minutes of pacing the wall and asking several Garrison soldiers for information, we finally find her hidden in between two cannons, sitting alone on the edge of the wall with her legs dangling into space. She doesn't seem to notice us at first as she stares out into the distant sunset, but I quickly gain her attention.

"Just what the hell are you doing?" I growl, and almost instantly the woman whirls her head around and quickly stands.

"I was just…."

"Doing nothing I see." I interrupt, and she casts her eyes down. "You're lucky that I don't feel like chewing you out, so get your ass over here. The mission is about to start."

She obeys silently, and soon enough, we all wait above the breach, waiting for Erwin's signal. It's amazing just how quickly night came upon us. In only a matter of half an hour, the sky has grown completely dark, illuminated solely by the moon, which is only just past half full. Torches flicker in the night breeze, spaced out evenly on top of the wall, one torch for every six feet, and down below, even more torches light up the broad side of the wall, casting an orange glow on the stone. By blessed luck, there are no titans in sight, which will make the second part of the mission that much easier. The entire legion now wait in organized lines behind Erwin at his position just in front of the hole, mantles ruffling. Just to the side, I can just spot Eren's form beside Pixis, half hidden in shadow. With a slow wave of his arm, the bald Commander signals for the Garrison to raise the net. With muted clinks, the soldiers obey, two men pulling on two separate cranks on each side of the net, rotating it slowly counter-clockwise and with effort, the bottom of the metal netting begins to lift. All voices fall silent as every eye and ear concentrate on the opening gate, Erwin not moving so much as a muscle. A full minute passes by before enough room is made for them to pass through, the atmosphere growing heavier with each second as it always does just before commencing a mission. Finally, the stoic Commander shifts, lifting his head and voice high.

"Protect the Wall with your lives! Let nothing through!" he shouts, speaking with the voice of every soldier behind him.

Then, with a hard flick of the reins, he dashes off, and soon the thunder of hundreds of hooves follow after him, galloping through the hole and into the open. The mission has begun. With a tilt of my head, I mentally order my team into position, which they instantly follow; Petra, Gunther, and Eld to the left of the breach, Oluo, Avian, and I to the right. As I walk to take my spot on the very edge of the wall, I look over my shoulder at the woman who stands a few feet away.

"Conner. Here, now." I order, and I swear she looks as if she'd rather stand in horse crap than be near me. "You are to stay no more than arms length away from me. Understood?"

She doesn't answer, but nods slightly and tentatively makes her way over, moving as if I'd bite her. I can't tell whether she's just scared or being overly cautious not to piss me off. Either way, as long as she obeys my orders, I couldn't care less.

"You are to remain near me, and you are not allowed to do ANYTHING unless I order you too. That includes transforming and engaging in combat without my say so."

Again, she says nothing as she comes to a stop just within arm's length beside me, and she keeps her eyes glued to the soldiers now taking their positions, ignoring my gaze.

'_This woman is intent on pissing me off…'_

"And as my first order, I order you to answer me when I speak to you." I bark, and at long last Avian responds, muttering a low 'Yes, sir' under her breath.

"OI! BRAT! Answer the Corporal like you mean it!" Oluo stabs in, face hot.

Avian lifts her head, first to stare at the tan haired man, then to me, blue eyes a mix of emotion.

"Yes, sir." She says clearly but tight as if trying to keep her composure, though from what I don't know since there isn't anger or frustration in her voice.

I give her the slighted incline of my head to let her know that her statement was acceptable, but I can just hear her muttering under her breath, something about '…not make him angered.' I really want to ask just what she means, but the mission is at hand as the final few horses take their place. Silence greets us for a few seconds as everyone steadies themselves, Garrison soldiers taking their positions behind their cannons. From somewhere below, Pixis flies his way on top of the wall and, with a lazy wave of his arm, first to Commander Erwin down below on his horse, and then to Eren who waits on the other side, he signals for them to officially begin. Just as before, a great crack of lightning splits the air and the Rouge Titan yells itself into being. This time, however, Eren seems to take control a lot easier and begins his work almost instantly. Though most of his work is blocked by the wide berth of the wall, I can hear the sound of stone grating against stone as they slide into place, and she squelch of improvised mortar going in between. Thanks to Erwin's decision to do most of the repair work at night when titans are least active, progress goes unhindered, leaving the rest of us to watch and wait, listening to the steady rhythm of stone on stone. Just because it was going well now doesn't mean a damn thing, and every soldier is on high alert waiting for the first titan spotting. Surprisingly, it doesn't come until what seems like half an hour later, far into the distance. Even from my position on the wall, I can just make out it's bumbling form on the left side of the horizon, and just as planned, the soldiers furthest to the left on the Front Guard let fly three flares high into the sky, creating streaks of bright green that could be spotted from many kilometers away. As one, horse and soldier brace themselves as the titan comes into view, easily a fifteen meter class, its thin arms flailing out behind it like useless ribbons. Beside me, I can feel Avian's gaze on the scene as she watches their every move, but with the practiced ease of many missions under their belt, the titan is taken down swiftly without the soldiers having to so much break line.

"That's right! Kill that bastard!" Oluo cheers from a few feet away as a single white flare brightens the night sky. "Even on flat ground you monsters don't stand a chance!"

"Oluo! Keep your head out of the clouds and concentrate on the mission!" Gunther's strict reply rebukes him from the opposite side of the breach, the sterner man's eyes hard as the stone under his feet.

"Would you can it!? You're not my mother and nothing is going to even come CLOSE to breaking those lines, so chill out!" Oluo answers back.

"Won't you ever grow up?" Gunther sighs back. "Missions are no game, and there is no time to laze around and let down your guard. Anything can happen and you know it."

"Yeah, yeah…"

Thankfully Oluo lets it go, albeit grudgingly, turning his attention back to the formation in front of him. For a while, everyone is tense, ready for anything, but as time passes by, people begin to relax bit by bit, even my own team. By hour two, there have only been three titan spottings, and all three were taken care of by the Front Guard. For such a large scale mission, it was going better than any of us expected, and even I begin to let myself relax, eyes glued to the dark horizon. All the while, Eren still works, the breach about halfway sealed. Beside me, the ginger woman shifts and chances a glance at me.

"Do missions always proceed this well?"

I regard her, but seeing no sarcasm or snide intent, answer her flatly.

"No. But we've never conducted any sort of mission at night due to low visibility. The only reason I'm sure we are doing it now is because our horses are pretty much stationary so none are in great danger of breaking a leg from stepping in a hole or tripping over debris."

Avian nods and turns back to the formation in silence. Even more time passes and though no one says a word, it's obvious everyone is growing very lax. For a moment, I even entertain the thought that we just might get through this without so much as a single casualty, but of course, right as I finish that thought, flares split the sky; Red streaks like blood fired from the middle where I know Mike to be.

'_Aberrant.'_

And just like that, all soldiers are at the ready as if the past two hours where nothing, swords half drawn and cannons on standby. Even as I stare at the horizon from where I assume the titan would be, I see nothing but darkness and shadow. Seconds pass, and still nothing, and I begin to wonder if it was a false alarm.

'_There are never false alarms….'_

Then, from behind the shadow of a low hill, it emerges, a hideous creature running on all fours with movements like a spider, charging head on into the first defensive line. I cannot tell who it is, but one of the soldiers lifts his arm, signaling for his squad to engage. They ride out to greet the beast, two running around on its left and one to its right to distract it, but even as they split, I know something is wrong. Just as they reach the monster, swords gleaming in the night, the titan swerves, catching eye of the nearest soldier on horseback and bunches its muscles. Even before the man or woman can scream, the titan leaps, spindly arms and legs flying behind it and unhinges its mouth almost one-hundred eighty degrees, gulping down the soldier whole, horse and all. Beside me, Avian lets out a strangled noise.

'_Damn it. It's fast!'_

Without waiting, the titan turns again slowly as two soldiers circle around, obviously trying to find a spot to attach their gear too. One is able to make his way behind, and with deft swiftness, shoots his lines into the titans back, flying into the air. Even from this distance, the titan's eyes grow wide as it feels the metal in its back, and with a reflex quicker than lightning, spins and catches the soldier in its mouth, easily splitting him in half.

"NO!"

Avian watches in horror as the titan spins once again, spotting the next line of soldiers and charges ahead with vengeance, hands and feet kicking up dirt with its speed. As more red flares hit the sky, the woman turns to me with wide eyes, and I know exactly what she is going to say before she even begins.

"STAY HERE." I order, cutting her short.

"But they're dying! We can do something!" she pleads, looking like every other 'green' soldier on their first mission, distraught and horrified.

"I said stay here! Let the guards do their job." I say again, cutting her with my eyes.

"But I can help!" she begins, then stops to look out into the formation.

The titan is on a rampage, splitting the Middle Guard right down the middle, and though the soldiers are able to steer clear of its jaws, they are unable to find any opening to launch an attack. She looks back at and I repeat myself for a third time.

"NO."

But even as I say it, a distant scream pierces the air, and I can visibly see the woman flinch at the sound, eyes dilating to an unhealthy size. I can hear her mutter 'no no no' under her breath as she shakes her head, a small hand reaching up to clasp the necklace under the collar of her blouse so hard her knuckles turn white. I ignore her and turn my attention back to what's in front of me. The sprawled titan has stopped, chewing on the body of its latest victim. Two soldiers now take the chance to attack, both launching from their horses simultaneously from each side, both flying with gusto toward the titan's neck. Another soldier, a woman rides in front, swords held high in the air to gain the titans attention, and it works. Its eyes follow her every movement, but instead of concentrating on her for a moment like most titans do, this one immediately takes off in a sprint, and soon the two soldiers that where in mid air are at the titan's mercy, their hooks stuck into its flesh and are left to flap helplessly behind it as it runs. The woman does her best to get away, swerving in every direction to shake it off, but the titan keeps pace, eventually making a huge leap, landing square on the soldier, her form disappearing in a cloud of darkened dust. The last thing we hear is a shrill shriek cut off short. I chance another glance at Avian beside me, and I'm slightly taken aback by the expression on her face. It's the same one she wore back in the forest as we waited atop the tree branch, the moments before she decided to leap into action, except this time, her face is covered in silent tears, the same ones all soldiers shed upon seeing death for the first time.

'_Except this isn't her first time.'_

Her eyes are large but clouded with images and memories that I could never even begin to guess, and a certain resolve hardens her expression.

"I can help them." She says finally, drawing Oluo's attention as well as mine.

"Now look here noob…" Oluo begins, but the woman completely ignores him, instead drilling me with eyes hot with emotion.

"I can help them." She repeats strongly, even as more tears emerge. "You KNOW I can help them."

"No." I say again, and in response, Avian glares at me with frustrated anger.

"They are DYING, and you KNOW I can save them! Why are you telling me to sit by and watch as they are slaughtered!?"

"Because you are needed here!"

I'm irritated now. This woman won't let it go, filled with the newbie resolve that they can save everyone and everything. Our eyes meet and hold, neither one of us willing to back down. Even with her half shadowed, battered face, her gaze shines in the night, unyielding. Moments pass without a word spoken, and for a second I believe I've won. But then, the sound of the Rear Guard shooting off flares greets us, and as another scream splits the air, Avian's eyes shift. A decision has been made. Quick as a snake, she moves, and I reach out to try and grab her, but I'm just a second too slow. In the span of a heartbeat, she leaps off the edge, hanging like a bird in the air before falling.

"Damn it!"

Without hesitation, I give chase after her, but inside I know that there is no catching her. I follow her down, her ginger hair flying wildly and, around half way down, a great crack breaks the night, a cloud of steam erupting from her small form. It follows her all the way down to the ground, and just like the titan attacking the guard, the Child Titan sprints from the cloud on all fours, her speed easily matching the aberrants.

"Erwin!"

Even before I garner his attention, he is already on the move. He must have turned just as she transformed, because the moment she leaps over the line of soldiers, throwing up gasps and screams, he is on her tail, spurring his horse to full speed. With no horse, I'm forced to slow myself down, shooting my lines into the wall and stop, hanging there and follow them with my eyes. The aberrant is not far away, only a couple hundred feet slightly to the right now, letting out a gurgled yell as it chases a short blond haired cadet on horseback, Krista Lenz. On her tail, the rude Ymir follows, looking over her shoulder at the oncoming titan. Opening its massive mouth, the titan prepares to jump, but just as it bunches its muscles, the Child titan appears in a blur, moving so fast and in the dark of night that I can't see what happened, though the aberrant lets out a scream, steam spilling from its wrists and slides to a halt. Krista and Ymir ride on with no intention of stopping just yet, and the titan shifts, gaining itself as Avian comes around again, sliding slightly on the grass. Their eyes meet, and with a shout of rage, the aberrant charges, now running awkwardly on its legs, its body at an angle. It swings a hand, missing Avian as she dodges, and goes for its ankles, able to slice one open with her claws. The aberrant goes down with a thud, back completely exposed. Almost overshadowed by the crash, the front line fires more flares, two green from the left and one from the middle.

'_Great.'_

Momentarily subdued, Avian makes her move, leaping into the air and delivers a killing blow. The Child Titan's body wilts slightly from the exertion, but lifts itself the next moment, making her way past the middle guard to challenge the newly arrived titans, soldiers already engaged in battle.

'_Where the hell is Erwin!?'_

From my perch on the wall, I can the ground quickly and spot him stopped near the steaming body of the sprawled titan. He doesn't look at me, instead he keeps his head aimed at Avian, and I have a feeling that he is watching her every move. From his stoic body position, I can tell that he is thinking of something as he watches her move, which I'm a bit surprised with. He gave the order to kill her if she so much as twitched the wrong way, but now, he keeps his distance as she does her work. And that she does. With no one willing to stop her, she dashes from side to side, killing every titan in sight for the remainder of the mission. Even from this distance, it's very obvious from her sloppy landings and laggy attacks that she is exhausted, but she continues on, driven by a force I can almost visibly see. Even with her efforts obviously in the right place, watching her just makes my anger grow. And by the end of the mission, I'm ready to chew her ass out so bad for deliberately disobeying me that she'll want to kill herself by the time I'm done. It takes another hour and a half before Eren is done, and the entire time no one does anything to the woman; Erwin keeps his distance and soldiers give her a wide berth. Deep down, I'm almost disappointed. Well into the early morning, the mission concludes, and with a single white flare from Pixis, the formation disbands, making a bee line for the Wall Rose gate around five kilometers away to reenter the safety of the wall. With the mission over, everyone on the wall lets out a sigh of relief, but no one cheers. Avian's actions surprised everyone, and now with the mission complete, the Child Titan slowly makes her way back to the wall, causing the majority of the soldiers to hastily leave, dropping back inside the wall to await their fellow soldiers arrival. My team lets out sighs of their own as they sheath their swords and though they look at me as I climb my way back up top, they don't say a word. They've grown familiar with my expressions, and one look is all they need to know that I'll kill the first one who says a word to me.

'_Last thing I need is them making some stupid ass comment.'_

Without a word, I sent them off, and they happily go. Soon enough, I'm alone on top of the wall, arms crossed as I wait for the woman to come back. After a minute, she does, slowly climbing her way up the wall to stop in exhaustion at the top. With a grunt, steam pours from the back of the titan's body, and Avian emerges with great effort, yanking her limbs free one by one. I refuse to help her. She doesn't notice my presence until she is fully free and on her own feet, her titan body a ball of steam behind her, and she looks surprised to see me there.

"C… Corp…."

"Follow me." I cut her off curtly and turn, making my down the length of the wall, her tentative steps following me a few seconds after.

We walk for a while in silence as I lead her to one of numerous battlements atop the wall, which is nothing more than a tiny stone square just big enough for two or three people to fit inside. Usually these battlements are used by officers so they may write their reports in a place of shelter, but tonight, things will be different. Avian hesitates as I lead her inside, hidden from prying eyes, and once there, I let her have it.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"

At my yell, she flinches, looking lost for words.

"You were given one simple order, and you're too much of a dumbass to follow even that."

"What was I supposed to do?" she quivers, battling with a mixture of fear and pride.

"Obey your damn order, that's what!"

"They were dying! Do you really expect me to just stand by as they are slaughtered!?" she repeats earnestly. "Am I not allowed to feel compassion?"

"If that is what you are ordered to do, then yes." I growl, determined to split her into two with my eyes. "Just what, exactly, made you think that you can just do whatever the hell you want?"

She looks as if she wants to say something but stops as I step closer.

"You can be killed for disobeying your superior officer. Did you know that?" I ask, and she shakes her head, hand gripping the necklace ornament under the collar of her shirt. "So what's your excuse then, Cadet? What is it? Do you have any idea how a stupid decision like that can affect the mission? What if something happened and a titan made its way to the breach while you were busy playing hero? EVERY choice you make means the difference between life and death for those around you, and by leaving your post, you've showed me that you care more about receiving glory than protecting the lives of your teammates. Were something to happen, they could die just as easily as those soldiers did on the field. Do you want that?"

Avian looks absolutely mortified, completely helpless under my rage.

"N….no…. Never."

At this I step and she backs away to try to avoid me, but her back thuds against the stone wall behind her. Voice dripping venom, I place my hands against the wall on either side of her sweaty head and lean in close, trapping her with my body.

"Then just what the hell is your excuse?" I spit, my face so close to hers that I can see her individual lashes.

She shakes so much that she looks as if she is going to break, and wave after wave of emotion crosses her face, unable to process them all at once. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out, my presence making her mute.

"Answer me, Conner!"

"THE SCREAMS!"

Her sudden cry takes me aback, and when she does, the composure she had fought so hard to keep up crumbles away and a large, choking sob escapes her lips.

"I….. can't stand… the ….. screams…." She struggles to say, fresh tears carving trails on her soiled face. "I don't k…. know why… but when the screams began….."

She pauses and her eyes grow distant.

"All I can see is THEM. Those BEASTS as they killed everyone that I care about. Those soldiers…. They made the same screams my family did back then. I was helpless. All I did was watch…" she says, the end tapering off into barely a whisper. "I know I was wrong, but I can't stand the sight of death… even when I was younger. I always had to leave before my father and Romulus killed whatever they caught in their traps. I'm a coward… I'm aware of that."

Another sob forces its way out of her.

"I don't understand why I feel this way…. It's never happened before. I've only been plagued by dreams, but after that…"

She pauses, eyes growing clear and she looks at me, a sudden burst of energy filling her.

"Why do you hate me!?" she suddenly shouts. "I have done nothing to you yet you treat me as if I'm trash! You curse at me, you've beaten me, you look at me like I'm a monster… Why!?"

I take a moment to look at her, and all I see is a disheveled, sun burnt woman with dirt on her clothes and sweaty hair sticking to her forehead; small, afraid, and confused. Can I really expect her to be a perfect soldier with no training? In all honesty, I take a mental step back and realize that I've treated her just as I do with all my subordinates, which really isn't right. How can I expect her to act and conduct herself like Eld or Gunther when she's never been in such an environment? Hell, she had to be told what a damn handshake was. And as I look at her, I don't really feel sympathy, she needs to learn discipline somehow, but inside a small part of me feels like an asshole. Is she really wrong for wanting to save the lives of her comrades? Though I'm partially confused as to why a woman who has spent most of her time alone would even feel compassion, I remember her words from more than two months ago; _'I may be a monster, but I am not one to endorse slaughter.' _And even what Pixis said today, about people just being born kind, when I think about it, perhaps he was right. Even raised apart from humanity, Avian is just as much a part of mankind as I am. Having grown in that terrible underground city, am I really right to judge? Thoughts crowd my brain, bringing back that headache from earlier today, and with a heave, I let out a sigh and decide to relent.

"Because you need to learn your place." I say finally, calming down and take a step back, allowing her to breathe. "And just because I treat you harshly does not mean I hate you."

At that, a look of surprise crosses her face, and a little of something else which I can't identify.

"I do whatever it takes to keep my men alive, you are no different." I continue, backing my way to step outside again. "You must account for your own actions tomorrow at your retrial, but I have done all I can."

Without waiting I leave her, her overwhelmed face burned into my mind.

'_They're going to kill you for sure, now.'_

*Author's note*

GREETING MY LOVELIES! DANG this chapter was WAY longer than I thought it would be! I blame Pixis, than man loves to talk lol. Originally, there wasn't even supposed to be a conversation between him and Levi, but I like how it turned out, so sorry this thing was EXTRA long. My fingers felt like breaking half way through ;n; And I just find it ULTRA hilarious that almost everyone is like "WHY LEVI NO CARRY AVIAN OAO?" In all honestly, I was HIGHLY tempted to, but I got to thinking that I'm doing my best to keep this man in character and there really is no way he would do that. Why? Four words: EREN IS LEVI'S BITCH. Seriously, now that he's got titan boy on his team, I imagine that Levi would just get Eren to do all his shit xD Anywho, thank you for bearing with me for another wonderful chapter! Hope you guys liked it! In response to the previous chapter's question… I'm here with answers! :D Now since I'm feeling kinda lazy, I'm just gonna copy and paste the questions with my answers underneath. Sound good? Awesome, cause here we go!

**I'm just wondering, is a sexual relationship gonna form between Avian and Levi?**

A: That's really hard for me to say honestly. I WILL tell you that a relationship is going to form over time, but as to how far it will go….. I can't say. I already know how this will end and just where I EXPECT their relationship to be, however, my characters seem to take a life of their own, so it is entirely possible for them to end up someplace vastly different from where I originally imagined them. If a sexual relationship DOES develop, I will tell you right now that I do not write lemons, nor do I read them.

**What gave you the inspiration for this story?**

A: One of my favorite things to do is to invent a character, or even myself in some cases, and place them inside whatever world I happen to be in whether it be a show or book or game. I find it entertaining and most of the time, especially when writing, I like to challenge myself by creating an original character specifically designed to counteract an established cannon character. For this fanfic in particular, it would obviously be Levi and Avian. My challenge is to write a believable character that can somehow get under Levi's skin, or form a bond with him that no other character has thus far been able to do. I wanted to see if there is a way for someone to make him question himself, and maybe even change. It all centers around character development and how certain events/people/places/ect. Can affect the way you act/speak/think over time. I know I'm sort of all over the place with this answer so I'll try to sum it up real simple: My inspiration for this story was to try and get Levi into a (possible?) romantic relationship because 1) he really needs it and 2) who doesn't like a little romance? It's my guilty pleasure. *7*

**Just wondering, how old is Avian?**

A: To be exact, 23. I intentionally made it kind of ambiguous, but if you remember from Chapter five 'Avian' where she is explaining her background, she mentions that her brothers Romulus and Tolkien where 22 and 19 respectively when they were killed, saying, "The hardest part is knowing that I'm now older than both my brothers." I chose such an age because, to me, it is in the middle of being a complete child/teen and being a complete adult. I didn't want her to be too young or too old, and early twenties is a good place to be where one can be mature but still hold some sort of childish tenancies. I also like to write characters that have something in common with me, so it's easier to try and get into their head and identify with them. In this case, it is Avian's age and certain aspects of her personality.

Now for this week's question: Is there anyone that you would like to bring back to life that is dead in the cannon series/manga?

I really just want to thank all of you for your wonderful reviews and replies. I see them and I literally shed a tear cause I was so happy that people are enjoying my work. You guys are the best! ;u; Just as a heads up, I'll do my best to update every week as I have been, but just know that college has started and I'm taking English Composition which means essays almost every other week. Uggh…. So there ya go. I really hate having to write after I finish writing lol. Also, another announcement, I may just do this anyway for funzies, but I want to hear your opinions: Is there anyone here interested in seeing a sort of Reference Sheet for Avian? Note that I'm not that great at drawing people, but I'll give it my best shot, and I'm planning on including things such as her birthday, trivia, and 'stats'. Anywho, leave your thoughts and opinions in a review and I'll see you next chapter!

-Ambi 3

*Author's note note*

For those of you wondering, Farlan Church and Isabel Magnolia are from the side manga of SNK called Kuinaki Sentaku "No Regrets", and can be read for free on One Manga C:


	12. First Step in a New Direction

Chapter 12:

**First Step in a New Direction**

There is nothing but silence the entire way back home. It takes some time for the legion to return through the Wall Rose gate, but when they do arrive, regrouping is brief. The mission was a success, and there are a number of people who look obviously relieved, but a greater portion remain subdued, unable to really process what just occurred. Even my own team finds it hard to express what they feel in words, reduced to meager comments and expressions. Though we accomplished what we needed to do, there is the overhanging thought of Avian's behavior, and it's clear that the gravity of the situation is not just upon me. Soon enough, Eren finds us where we prep our horses for travel, looking half dead from exertion but none-the-less fulfilled.

"Corporal!" he calls, giving a solid salute, to which I nod in acknowledgement.

"Not too bad, brat." I say flatly, but not harshly. "Saddle up your horse. We leave immediately."

"Yes, sir!"

As he goes, Eld comes up beside me with his steed in tow, his expression carefully neutral.

"Where is Avian?"

"Still atop the wall…" I say, mentally kicking myself. "Go and fetch her. She was in the left battlement."

Eld nods, answering "Yes, sir" before walking off, becoming a swift moving blot as he scales the wall.

Watching him go, I let out a small sigh and redirect my attention to fixing the stirrups on my own horse, Gunther, Petra, and Oluo quietly working on their own. I had totally forgotten that the stupid titan shifter wasn't wearing gear, and in all honestly, I wasn't sure if I would have even helped her down. What I said to her back then was, in fact, true…. I don't hate her, not even close. But there still remains the problem of her absolute lack of knowledge concerning society and the simple fact that the woman didn't follow a simple order. I'm torn between understanding her feelings of horror as she witnessed those soldiers die, and insult due to her deliberate disobedience. I take pride in my position, as a Corporal, as a Leader, and call it self-indulgent, but I expect subordinates to treat me as such. If she truly wishes to become part of mankind, she needs to learn the do's and don'ts of the status quo, and as far as I'm concerned at the moment, she failed miserably. Dozens of soldiers move and talk around us, preparing for the journey home, but none have the courage to come to me and ask about Avian's actions. Instead, they gossip in muted whispers and when Eld finally returns with the ginger at his heel, everyone shuts up and gives her a wide berth, eyes full of fear and suspicion of varying levels.

"Gather up. It's time to move." I order as they approach and hop onto my steed, as do the others.

Avian keeps her head down.

….

The entirety of our travel is stoic and silent as we follow behind a line of carriages, nothing but the sound of earth under our feet and the slowly brightening sky to keep us entertained. At the beginning, Eren tried to strike up conversation with Avian, but after several failed attempts to get her to speak, he lets it go wearing a look of defeat. The woman never looked up.

…

We passed through the same abandoned village as before, instead this time, our progress was hindered. A group of aggressive civilians armed with guns, axes, and whatever else they can find stopped us, demanding compensation for their hardships while waiting in crowded refugee camps for the wall to be repaired. When given no answer, they let loose their weapons, intent on intimidating us into compliance. The fight was over in a matter of seconds, our trained men and women easily overpowering the hapless villagers and disarming them. The rebels fled like roaches then, discarding their demands and throwing themselves into the darkness of the shadowed town to avoid being caught. We made no effort to arrest anyone and continued on, the first signs of light blue and pink just making its way over the horizon. My senior squad members watched it all with veteran eyes, unsurprised and unyielding. Eren looked as if he partially understood the rioter's pain, but made no move to help them or hurt them. Avian never looked up at all.

…..

It's in the early hours, and the birds are well into welcoming the morning by the time we make it back, exhausted and yearning for sleep. Due to our early arrival, the crowd of people that usually greet us on our return are not present, thankfully allowing us to pass through the streets in silence. Time is a bit blurred from there. We reach our headquarters and unpack our horses, one team taking the lone cart filled with the bodies and limbs of those who have fallen to the back of the compound to be promptly burned. My squad disperses to head to their quarters, and after a brief talk with Commander Erwin about the report I am to turn in by this afternoon, I too, make my way to my room. The halls are barren as soldiers clean themselves up or head straight to bed, too energy spent to care about hygiene. Not me, even as tired and drained as I am, there is no way in hell I was going to let myself stay in these soiled clothes a second longer. I barely give the door behind me time to close before I start undressing. Practically ripping my uniform off and scowling at the stiffness in the fabric caused by grime and sweat, I toss those things away and go into the bathroom to clean myself up, taking an extra long time to just soak in the cool water, eyes closed. Once the bath is too cold for me to bear any longer, I concede to dry myself off, sighing at the soft feel of a fresh white shirt and trousers. The temptation of sleep hits me hard then, and for a moment, I almost decide to give in.

'_Wish this report could wait until later…'_

But alas, the sooner Darrius has it, the better, and so with a heavy breath, I take a hard seat at my desk, just a simple wooden furnishing with nothing but a small stack of books to one side with an ink well and quill at the other. I feel the tug of many thoughts as I write, but I push them from my mind, only wanting to get finished and let the day be done. It doesn't take long; there isn't much to write, but by the time I finish, deliver it to Erwin's quarters in another building, and return, the sun is bright through the window and I wish for rest so badly it take precedence over everything. Possibly for the hundredth time, I'm thankful for my simple and uncluttered room, otherwise I would probably kill myself trying to reach my bed. It's been a long time since I've worked a full twenty-four hour shift, and though I'm used to the weight in my limbs and the heaviness in my eyes, it pulls at me all the same. Taking a seat to remove my boots and place them in their usual place by the corner of the bed, I make a quick scan of everything, just to make sure nothing else waits for my attention so I don't have to get the hell up again. The entire room is spotless, from the wooden desk to my left, just under the window throwing bars of soft yellow into the room, to the simple dresser and nightstand to my right, topped by only a single unlit lantern. Nothing is out of place. Nothing is filthy.

'_Good.'_

Satisfied that I can now rest in ease, I lean back and unceremoniously plop my head onto the pillow, relishing the feeling, and earnestly close my eyes. They stay closed for a long time, and the fingers of sleep pull at me, and yet… Darkness doesn't come. Even as I lay stock still, every muscle as relaxed as much as it ever can be, my conscience refuses to fade into nothing. Instead, the wide, tear stained eyes of a very familiar face stare at me from behind my lids. _'Am I not allowed to feel compassion!?'_ the face says to me, and I don't believe I've ever heard a voice so full of painful confusion in my life. Vaguely, I wonder if the face even understands just what war is. A part of me says it doesn't. Caught in the daze of half sleep, I feel the strangest need to let this face know.

'_People die.'_ I say simply to the face, to which it replies back.

'_**Why?'**_

'_That's just how war is. People die.'_

'_**Why do they die?'**_

'_The titans kill us.'_

'_**Do they hate us?'**_

I have no answer to such a question, and the face just stares back at me, tears drying up. After a moment, it speaks again.

'_**Do people die all the time?'**_

'_They do….' _

Even in half sleep, my mind cringes at the images of fallen comrades, bodies split apart and blood soaking fields and buildings in red.

'… _More than we could ever imagine.'_

The face ponders this, a calm look smoothing it's features.

'_**I can help them.'**_

'_No you can't.'_

'_**I can. You've seen me do it.'**_

'_It doesn't matter.'_

'_**Why doesn't it matter?'**_

'_You don't know what you're doing.' _I growl at the face, becoming annoyed that it doesn't seem to understand. '_You have no training. You don't know how all this works. You don't know how to obey anyone but yourself.'_

'_**Then teach me.'**_The face smiles.

'_It's not that simple.'_

'_**How so?'**_

'_You're going to die tomorrow.'_

'_**I don't have to.'**_

'_Yes you do. You disobeyed me and now the Military Police will kill you.'_

'_**Because they believe that I'm incapable of learning.'**_

'_You ARE incapable of learning!'_

'_**Do you expect me to understand after only one lesson?'**_

I blink in surprise and the face stares at me, head tilted.

'_Lesson?'_

'_**The day I spent with you. Just now.' **_The face says, eyes burning into mine. _**'I'm a good listener, and you are a good teacher, but I'm afraid that I make a very poor student.'**_

At this, the face looks down, ashamed.

'_**I know that I am ignorant of things that are common to you. I know I am out of place, surrounded by people who have confidence in what they are doing. I am but a barbarian compared to you, so I understand why you got frustrated with me…'**_

The face lifts its eyes again.

'…_**but I want you to know that I did listen. I did understand. I want to learn, more than anything. Everything is new; the people, the city, the expectations, and it scares me. I've never done this before. But I'm willing to try.'**_

I stare at the face, intrigued by its honesty as it slowly begins to fade into black.

'_**I messed up once, and I will probably mess up many more times before I get it right. But I'll keep on trying as many times as you are willing to teach me.'**_

The last thing I see before the darkness overwhelms me is an image of the future, of a short woman with ginger hair and blue eyes surrounded by people who smile when they see her and welcome her as an equal and a friend. I've never seen the woman look so happy. There is no fear in her eyes.

…

Hours pass like a fleeting dream, barely giving me enough rest to allow me to rise again, but around midday, I do. I yearn to dismiss the coming hours and shut my eyes again, but the retrial is almost at hand, and I must be present. Though I do not think about it directly, my strange dream itches at the back of my mind as I change into my civilian dress pants and shoes, tugging my cravat as white as the shirt beneath into place. After checking to make sure everything is in order and giving my hair a quick comb, I make my way up to the courthouse uninterrupted. The short walk from my sleeping quarters to my destination is filled with activity; soldiers traveling from one place to another, some of their arms laden down with paper work, a couple towns people mill around or head home from the market, and even a flock of birds have found a respectable perch on top of one of the many copper colored rooftops, chattering to themselves. But as I reach the city building and step inside, it is a whole different story. Unlike last time, the courtroom is almost completely empty, save for Commander Erwin, Darrius Zacklay, and Nile Dok from the Military Police who all stand just too the right, waiting. The center pedestal is still empty. Upon seeing me, Darrius nods and waits for me to join them before speaking.

"I'm glad to see you faired the mission alright, Corporal." He says as I take my place beside Erwin, crossing my arms.

"It's not like I actually did anything."

Darrius inclines his head a little, indicating that he understood.

"I'm aware, but let us hold that thought until our last attendee arrives. Nile has two of his men fetching her now."

Without much else to say, I remain silent and wait patiently with the others, studying the bland stone room in half interest. The dark wooden railings as well as the benches for onlookers is covered in a thin layer of dust that glints in the sunlight and makes my hands itch for a duster.

'_Absolutely filthy.' _I scoff with a frown.

Even though the wait only spanned a couple minutes, it felt like hours, making me run circles in my head. But at long last, the sound of heavy doors creaking open reverberates around the empty space, drawing my attention. The same men who stood guard over her yesterday are the same ones who lead her now, guiding the woman to the center pedestal and locking her chained wrists into place with the metal post. Once they finish and move out the way, I look at her and there isn't much else to say except that she looks like hell. It's obvious that the MP's didn't let her clean herself up because she still dons the same pants and blouse from the mission, spotted with dirt, grime, and visibly stiff with sweat. Her hair isn't much better, limp strands of ginger hanging loosely around her face, dark from oil. Even her posture is that of exhaustion. She kneels on her knees but makes no effort to draw herself up, instead she slumps, shoulders slouched and head locked on staring at the floor. Her drawn eyes never look up, but even from here it's easy to tell that no sleep came to her these past hours, leaving darkness under her eyes and an expression of total defeat upon her sunburned face. It almost stuns me to see her in such a condition, looking just like a prisoner who awaits a fate they've known to come. It's the look of a person who knows they are going to die.

"Well now, " Darrius starts, clearing his throat. " let us begin."

With a surprising amount of effort, my gaze turns back to the elder judge.

"I have read both of your reports," the man says, "and I am quite surprised at how well the mission went despite it's one, shall we say, blunder. So it is true that the mission was a success, and the hole in Wall Rose has been fully repaired?"

Erwin nods beside me.

"It is. Through several hours of work, Eren was able to successfully rebuild the destroyed wall with his titan power. If it holds true, it shall not fall again."

"Good. Let us hope that such an occurrence does not happen again. Now, on to the current matter…."

Darrius takes a second to gather himself, taking out a small packet of folded paper, more than likely our reports, and shuffles them open, giving them a glance.

"…It says in both of your records that Avian Conner took titan form and engaged in combat. Is that correct?"

"It is."

"And from your report, Levi, you stated that Conner transformed without permission and defied your orders."

I lift my head.

"She did."

Darrius gives me a searching look.

"I'm surprised, Corporal. I thought you better equipped to handle the situation, but the woman managed to disobey you and elude capture. Do you wish to explain?"

I really don't feel like reiterating myself, but there is no way I'm going to let anyone even BEGIN to think that I cannot perform my job or keep a idiotic woman in order.

"The woman has no respect for authority it seems, and found if highly difficult to submit herself under my command. But she did do as I asked the entire time, albeit grudgingly. As far as her transforming, she did so even after I ordered her to stay put on top of the wall, but managed to dash off the edge before I could grab her. I chased her down the side with my gear, but once she shifted, there was no catching her. I didn't expect her to be so quick in human form."

"I see."

Darrius grunts, taking it in, and to my right, Nile shuffles.

"I have to say that I'm not all that surprised to hear about her lack of obedience. The woman is practically an animal, running on instinct instead of strict training." He states roughly. "What is her excuse?"

"She said she couldn't stand the screams." I answer simply. "It was driving her mad."

"Screams? Mad? What does that have to do with anything? Orders are orders. Sounds to me that the woman is undisciplined to a fault. What soldier in their right mind would disobey a direct order and abandon their squad?"

"None. But this isn't a soldier we are talking about here." Erwin intervenes calmly, face placid. "It does not justify her actions, but do keep in mind that this is no soldier we have on our hands. By all accounts, Conner should be considered a civilian, and therefore, shouldn't be expected to uphold the dignity, legacy, or demeanor that is associated with one who serves in the military."

"You are right, Erwin, but that does not excuse such dishonorable behavior." Nile counters.

"If you want to talk about dishonor…." I interject, sliding a piercing gaze at the MP. "… then there are many soldiers that we need to talk about. How about your immediate underlings? They sure do a lot of gambling and drinking for officers that are supposed to be on duty…"

Nile grits his teeth.

"Are you accusing my men of discarding their position's obligations?" he spits, and I just stare at him flatly.

"I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but it always seems to me that the other fat cats up in the inner ring do a hell of a lot of sitting around while new recruits do all your dirty work. I've heard how corrupt the Military Police branch can be…"

Nile looks as if he wants to arrest me on the spot, but Darrius lifts up a hand.

"That is enough." He orders, giving both of us a hard look. "Keep your squabbles to yourselves until you are out of the building. Let us take care of this current matter."

The MP commander glares at me, but I easily ignore him.

'_Military swine.'_

"Now…" Darrius continues, adjusting his glasses. "… back to what we were discussing. Levi, you stated that the reason for Conner's uncalled abandonment is due to screaming. What do you mean by that exactly?"

"I confronted Conner after the mission was completed and demanded an explanation. She told me that she acted out of instinct, just as Nile said. While we waited atop the wall, the sounds and sights of battle visibly disturbed her, and after the fourth or fifth death, she lost it. She said that she was bombarded with memories from her family's murder, and could not stand back and just watch people die."

Darrius takes this in his usual slow manner, rubbing his chin. After a second to mull it over, he casts his eyes past me at something behind my back. Avian had been so quiet, that I had almost forgotten she was there, and as the judge paces around to stand just in front of her, she doesn't move. She could have been a statue for all I knew.

"Avian Conner." He says to the woman as Erwin, Nile and I watch.

Avian doesn't raise her head.

"It would help us greatly if you would respond for a moment."

More seconds pass as the woman does nothing, then with great slowness, she lifts her head. She doesn't meet anyone's gaze, but at least we can see her face. Her eyes stare at nothing.

"Thank you." Darrius says, clasping his hands behind his back. "All I need for you to do is answer some easy questions. Can you do that?"

A soft 'Yes, sir' escapes her lips, barely more than a whisper, and I swear that somewhere beneath that monotone is a hint of fear.

"Now, your Corporal tells me that you abandoned your post due to these memories of yours. Is that correct?"

Another muted 'Yes, sir' flutters it's way to my ears.

"Would you care to elaborate this in your own words?"

Avian shifts a little, blinking. She visibly tries to brace herself and steady her voice, but her words still come out shaky.

"It is how Corporal said. I could not stand the sight nor sound of death happening in front of me. The last time I heard screams like that, my family was being slaughtered. I acted out in a fit of overwhelming emotion."

She pauses, taking a long breath, then lets it out again in a sigh.

"I know that what I have done is in the wrong, and I take responsibility for my uncontrolled actions. Corporal did all that he could, and said what he needed to say, but I failed to heed his words. The fault is mine."

I'm a bit taken aback by her confession, honestly not expecting the woman to say something like that here, though she had no problem admitting to me that she screwed up back in the battlement at Wall Rose. Darrius stares at her with a mildly perplexed expression, then wipes it off.

"I thank you for your honesty. Now, after transforming, where you able to keep control?"

Avian gives a slight nod.

"I've never had a problem with control before."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. I'm just as comfortable and in control of my titan body as I am with my human one."

Darrius nods.

"And after transforming, is it true that you stayed and fought on the front lines?"

"Yes."

"Wait…." Nile interrupts, raising an eyebrow. "This woman fought titans on the front lines? With no training?"

"She did." Erwin answers him lightly, making a slight smile. "It caught me off guard as well at first, but she did, and handled herself quite well."

"That's news to me. I hate to say this, but no matter 'how well' this woman may have fought, there lays the fact that she disobeyed a direct order from her superior officer and might as well have abandoned her squad in the line of duty, an act of utter disgrace and could be punishable by death. I don't care how useful she is, it's no use to us if she isn't kept under control."

"So your saying that her service in protecting the legion, even if it was against orders, is disgraceful?" I scorn him, eyes hard. "I'm not justifying her actions, she deserves to be punished for insubordination, but she didn't 'abandon' us. She left the squad, but she ended up protecting the whole damn formation. I know for a fact that she saved two recruits lives directly. Is that really worthy of a punishment by death?"

"In the eyes of the law, it is." Nile argues, narrowing his eyes. "Like I said, an untrained soldier is useless in battle, and would only do more harm than good to those around them. It doesn't matter how many lives she saves if she's incapable of following a single order. As far as I see it, that woman is impossible to train, especially as old as she is. She is set in her ways, and needs to be put down."

His words are harsh, and brings back my half dazed dream from hours before. It's true that she's as stubborn as an ass, but it is really impossible to teach her? I cast a side glance to where the woman sits in silence, patiently waiting for her fate to be decided, and the longer I look, the more convinced I am that she can be broken and can be taught. Determination hardens my resolve.

'_I'm not losing her without a fight.'_

With cool ease, I turn my attention back to Nile.

"Are you really willing to throw away such potential?" I ask, catching him off to the side. "Now, I'm no expert, but most of the time when we go on missions, a great number of our men die in combat. It's part of the job. Now this past mission was grand in its scale; most every available Recon soldier was recruited so that our force numbered around three hundred. Normally with a formation that large, casualties are expected to be high. And yet, it's interesting that the total death count for this particular expedition didn't even exceed twenty."

Nile's expression lifts slightly, a hint of interest playing his features, and I mentally smirk, knowing that I have his complete attention. I can feel Avian's gaze upon me as well, her face wide with mild shock.

"Conner may have disobeyed my orders and abandoned her position, but she fought off every oncoming titan the entire operation. It's impossible to say just how many lives she saved by throwing herself recklessly into battle like that. What would normally take a team of two or three, possibly more, to accomplish, she completed solo, and faster than any of our squads could ever hope to go. If it weren't for her efforts, lots of men would have been killed trying to protect the wall as it was being repaired. Conner has some issues obeying orders, but that can easily be fixed with enough pain involved."

Darrius studies me through his glasses.

"Do you believe you are capable of training her?"

"I'm more than capable… like she would even attempt to do anything anyway." I answer, looking at him. "Put her back under my command, and I'll straighten that attitude of hers right up."

Darrius nods, turning now to Erwin.

"What say you?"

Erwin straightens himself up.

"I trust Levi's judgment. He has more knowledge of the woman than I do, but if he says he is willing and capable of training her, then I support his choice. As I've said before, if there is any way this woman can be of use to us, I'm willing to take the risk. She's just proven that her titan power is fully controllable, and from what I've seen, would make a powerful addition to our ranks. Her exact position and purpose are a bit unclear still, but I have some ideas."

All three of us raise a brow and Avian watches silently.

"What ideas?" Nile asks, crossing his arms though he looks genuinely interested.

"I'm still unsure of how it would work, but I have been formulating about making a special operations squad centered around Avian's unique abilities. We have three records of her titan form in action, and in all three, she successfully defends and protects the people around her. She successfully protected Levi and his squad twice, once in her home forest, and later on when they made their return through Wall Maria. This most recent mission has proven to me that her speed and agility are far superior to anything we've ever seen, and I plan to utilize that power as well as her natural affinity for defense. It's exact function is unclear, but I propose creating a team dedicated to defending our troops; let's call it recon and rescue for now. With this group, their primary objective is to rescue injured or endangered soldiers in battle."

Erwin pauses for a moment.

"In theory, if this group succeeds, I can only imagine that our death rate will drop drastically. As you know, that is the Recon Corp's main issue now. We lose men faster than we can recruit them, and our numbers have been steadily dropping."

"A rescue team, you say?" Darrius considers, deep in thought. "Are you sure such a plan could work? What if your soldiers come to depend to heavily on this new squad, and throw caution to the wind in hopes that they will be rescued if something goes wrong?"

"That won't happen." Erwin answers firmly. "Every soldier knows that, once a mission starts, their life hangs by a thread. Squads are made to work together and protect each other, but every single man and woman know full well that they cannot trust their comrades to save them. In this line of work, the only one you can fully depend on is yourself."

Darrius nods, gazing between Erwin, Nile, and I. He stays quiet for a long time, mentally turning over both our arguments in his head.

"Do any of you have anything else you wish to say?" he says finally, to which no one replies. "Very well. I've made my decision. I hope that you are ready to uphold your words, Corporal Levi."

With a motion with his hand, he beckons the two Military Police soldiers forward from their positions beside the entrance door. They immediately begin to release Avian from her bondage.

"Avian Conner is officially under the custody of the Recon Corps, and is to be put under your command."

Erwin nods, looking unsurprised by the judge's decision, but beside me, Nile frowns.

"That was awfully quick, Darrius. Are you sure this is the right decision?"

Darrius nods, looking between him and Avian as she stands, the woman's eyes round with astonishment.

"I believe it is. There is much we do not know about her, or her kind. But just as Erwin stated before, this woman has proven highly useful in protecting her comrades, and I cannot help but see a wealth of untapped potential in her. There will always be an element of danger concerning her and Eren both, but I have now deemed the potential benefits gained from using their abilities to far outweigh the risks."

"I understand." Is all that Nile says, and he takes a moment to study Avian before turning back to us, bowing slightly. "Then I shall take my leave. Good luck with your new recruit, Corporal."

Without a wasted moment, he calmly walks out the door, shutting it solidly behind him. Once gone, Darrius looks back at Avian who hasn't moved from her spot on the center pedestal.

"Come now. Let us get the necessary paper work out of the way. There is no reason to hesitate, your fate has been decided."

The woman looks at him as if she can hardly believe him, and possibly without meaning too, her gaze slides over to mine, eyes searching an still unsure. It takes me a second before I realize that she's waiting for me.

"You heard him." I say finally. "I'm not going to sit around here all damn day getting this done."

At this, Avian moves, taking careful steps to take her place beside me as we make our way to one of the side rooms to huddle around Darrius' desk. There are so many papers to sign between Erwin and I, and as an official new recruit, even Avian is handed documents that she must sign as well. She does so in silence and finishes well before I do, and I can't help but think that the woman didn't read a single one of them, like she'd understand what they were about anyway. The minutes pass in a blur, and soon enough, it's just us as I lead her to HQ, the woman only a few steps behind. It's hard to describe how I feel right now; a mixture of pride, confidence, and something else….. relief? What do I have to be relieved about? It wasn't my life that was on the line.

'_But I guess it doesn't matter.'_

Concentrating on her echoing footfalls behind me, I think about Avian and her words. We are more alike that she knows… She isn't the only one who hates death and everything that it entails. Even thinking about it makes my chest clench from the pain of memories I'd like to forget. There is nothing that hurts me more than a life lost in vain, and I guess, deep down, Avian's life was almost one of those counted in casualty. She is just a woman to me, nothing special, but if tides would have turned, and the decision would have been made to put her to death, I wouldn't have taken to that very kindly. Even untrained, the woman is a powerful entity, and I have high hopes in Erwin's idea of a rescue squad with her at its center. Not only does it suit her physical attributes, it fits her emotional ones as well. If her emotions cannot be controlled, and her will to put herself into danger for the sake of someone else is unquenchable, at least in this way, her desire can be put to use. Even in our limited interaction together, I've come to realize Avian as a natural born healer; from the way she diligently nursed Gunther's leg, up to her unhesitating resolve to throw her life out the window if it meant it would save another's. She's stubborn, and reckless, and emotion driven, but even through all her doubts, her fears, she still hung on, she still tried.

''_I'll keep on trying as many times as you are willing to teach me.' That is what she said in my dream, and that is exactly what I'll do. We've been given this chance, and I'm not going to waste it.'_

…..

Our walk is long, but quiet. We make our way through city streets like a maze, each cream colored stone building the same as the next. People mill around as we pass, and a few call out to me, but none stop us. Building after building, street after street. It's almost boring walking around such a bland town. Eventually, stone streets turn into dirt, and around the bend that curves past a dusty tailor shop, a great stone structure awaits us, a behemoth of a building many times larger than any of the housing complexes we've passed; the soldier's sleeping quarters. Just behind it lays a slightly smaller structure, the office building where ranking officers spend most of their time working. Both are made of the same cream stone and copper roofing as every other building inside the walls, widows upon windows lining the sides of them, reflecting the clear afternoon sky above. The Recon Corps main headquarters. As we walk, a familiar group of people wait just in front of the larger building's heavy doors, and before I can even get a word in, a shrill scream cracks the air.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! AVIAN!"

Coming at us with the speed of a bullet, Hanji runs to us looking so blissful and thrilled that it's almost impossible to remember this is one of the military's most elite soldiers and not a grossly overgrown womanchild that looks as if she has a mild case of rabies. To my relief, the crazed scientist bypasses me and practically bulldozes Avian over in a running hug, lifting the smaller woman off the ground as she hops around, face thrown to the sky.

"I KNEW THEY WOULDN'T KILL YOU! HOW STUPID WOULD THAT BE!? NOW YOUR ONE OF US AND I CAN FINALLY HAVE YOU ALL TO MYSELF! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Don't break her Squad Leader!" Eren's voice calls out, and soon he and my squad catch up to us, every one of them looking as exasperated by Hanji's antics as I feel.

"BREAK HER!? WHAT NONSENSE!" Hanji sings, smiling ear to ear. "SHE MAY BE AS MEEK AS A BABY LAMB AND SMELL LIKE A HOT, SWEATY BOAR RIGHT NOW, BUT AVIAN IS A TOUGH LITTLE COOKIE, AREN'T YA?"

Hanji comes to a stop and gently shakes the woman in her arms, but Avian doesn't answer and just hangs almost limp, all the life practically squeezed out of her. When she doesn't reply, Hanij lets out a choked sound.

"OH NO!" she cries, setting the ginger down. "I REALLY DIDN'T HURT YOU DID I!? PLEASE TELL ME I DIDN'T!

Avian sighs, slowly regaining herself and rubs her arm from where Hanji's arms had trapped them, but she smiles slightly.

"No, I'm fine. Just, a bit taken aback." Avian admits as the scientist backs off slightly, Zoe looking about ready to cry. "Please don't feel bad. I am uninjured." Avian continues, but her words are lost on the researcher as she cries out.

"WHY MUST I HURT EVERYTHING I LOVE!?"

From there, Hanji is completely lost in her unbridled grief, and the look on Avian's face is one of both confusion and horror. It's almost funny enough to make me smirk. A few paces away, Gunther lets out a laugh, gaining the ginger's attention.

"Don't worry about her. She always gets like this, though it's usually only when she's experimenting on titans." The brown haired man reassures her, then walks over and claps a solid hand on the woman's shoulder. "I'm glad that they let you go. I was almost certain Darrius would change his mind."

"Me too." Petra adds with a large smile. "I was so worried that I couldn't sleep. But I should have known that Corporal would have found a way to convince him to let you stay."

Avian stares at her, then at all of them, each wearing a smile, except for Oluo, but even he doesn't show as much bitterness on his face as usual.

"Now we can work together." Eren suggests, a small grin playing on his features. "Hanji already told me that it might be possible for you to teach me how to control my power like you do. And I know that you'll make a good teacher…"

The last part ends with a slight pink coloring the teens cheeks, though it's impossible to tell if Avian even notices it.

"I would be happy to teach you." She answers, then lets out a gasp as Hanji suddenly grabs her shoulders from behind, glasses glinting in the light.

"THAT'S RIGHT! I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT! NOW THAT YOU'RE ONE OF US, I CAN OFFICIALLY START STUDYING YOU! IN FACT, LETS START EXPERIMENTING RIGHT AWAY!"

With excess amounts of gusto, Hanji grabs Avian's arm in an attempt to drag her away, but I in turn grab Hanji's arm, stopping them both.

"Not without my say so, you don't." I state, glaring at the scientist, who moans in complaint.

"But WHY?"

"There are other matters that must be attended to first, such as Avian's punishment for example."

At this, Hanji sobers up and the ginger woman looks at me.

"You've got to start learning discipline, and there is no better way to learn that through pain. You didn't think that I'd just let you slide by after usurping my orders yesterday, did you?" I question coolly, and oddly enough, Avian doesn't argue.

"No, sir." She answers, a strange expression lacing her features. "I realize that I was in the wrong, and accept any punishment you bestow on me."

"Good."

With a glance, I nod back to the sleeping quarters behind my squad.

"You all head back in and get some type of dinner going and for God's sake, clean up that damn room of yours Oluo. I'm tired of seeing clothes and random shit all over the floor."

The tan haired man looks positively mortified.

"B… but Corporal…" he begins, but I cut him off with a sharp glace and he shuts up. "Yes, sir!"

Satisfied, I nod for them to leave, and with a few backwards glances from Eren, everyone except Eld disappears inside.

"Make sure that idiot does as he's told. His quarters look like a damn titan rampaged in there." I whisper to him, and he briskly nods.

"Will do Corp. If there is anything that can get that slob to pick up his messes, it's a threat from you." The older man smirks slightly, then salutes, following the others, leaving only Hanji and Avian beside me.

As they go, Hanji lets out a sigh and reluctantly lets go of the woman's arm.

"I guess you're right." She moans. "But you HAVE to promise me that I can get my hands on her sooner or later! I need something to compare Eren's test results too, and there's no telling what sort of knowledge we can learn from her!"

I really don't want the researcher to do ANYTHING to my subordinates, but unfortunately she is right, and any information that can be learned from studying Avian is highly valuable.

"Fine." I groan, "But it will only be whenever I say so, and only under my supervision, got it shit glasses?"

Hanji lights up and clasps her hands in front of her like a child.

"OH YES! YES! YEEEEESSSS! CLEAR AS RAIN! OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO START DIGGING INTO THAT TITAN SKIN OF YOURS!" she exclaimes to Avian, grabbing the woman in one last hug before running to the office building. "I NEED TO GET MY INSTUMENTS READY! AND MY BOOKS! OH WHERE DID I PUT MY SCAPLES AGAIN!?"

There is the distant sound of a door slamming shut, then silence. I barely suppress a long sigh of exasperation, instead turning to the ginger who looks at a loss for words.

"Oi…"

At my voice, Avian blinks and guides her tired eyes to mine, suddenly coming to attention. With a wave of my hand, I motion for her to follow me as we make our way behind the looming stone structures. Just behind the headquarters is a large expanse of open grass about one hundred meters across, fenced in by trees, that serves as a training ground of sorts. Though it isn't required, many soldiers find it best to spend their leisure time training and exercising to keep their bodies in top shape. Some even spar with each other every now and then. It is here that I stop and cross my arms, motioning to the field with a nod of my head.

"As your first punishment, I want you to run laps around this field until you pass out." I instruct in a bored manner. "Think you can handle that?"

The woman nods slightly, that odd look appearing on her face again.

"Yes… yes sir." She corrects herself hurriedly, a slight tinge of embarrassment coloring her cheeks but she doesn't move.

After a few seconds, I lift a brow.

"Well? You just going to stand there, or what?"

Avian starts, looking even more embarrassed and swiftly apologizes. In the next second, she runs off to my right, beginning her first lap, and I take a moment to relax and lean back against the back wall of the sleeping quarters to watch her.

'_She may be one of us now, but she's got a hell of a long way to go before she can even begin to be considered a soldier.'_ I think, keeping an eye on the woman as she runs.

There really isn't anyone I've met more awkward and unrehearsed as she is. Everything is apparently new to her, and it seems even following simple orders without being directly told what to do is a chore. Just how I'm going to mold this blundering idiot into a military force for humanity is beyond me, and I frown at just how much work there is to be done with her. Etiquette, demeanor, thought process, skills, knowledge… even her body all need to be trained. I understand that she isn't like our other trainees who've spent three years preparing and educating themselves to become the soldiers they are today, but this is just ridiculous. I watch her go in circles, her progress not very impressive, and with each round, my frown deepens. Not yet three laps in and I can see that Avian is already struggling, even from my vantage point a good distance away. It's like her entire miniature form is a symbol of her weakness, small limbs shambling to keep her going even as her breaths come in hard and fast. It's almost sad how out of shape she is, though her obvious sleep deprivation from this morning might have a part in her exhaustion, and I have no idea if she's even eaten anything either. No matter her health, even sleep deprived, hungry trainees can do better than this.

'_I'll give her one thing, she isn't giving up.'_ I admit to myself, lazily watching her go around and around.

Only ten minutes or so have passed since Avian began, and with each lap, she looks closer and closer to just dying on the spot, her pace slowing down until its barely faster than a half, shuffling jog. And yet, as exhausted as she seems to be, she doesn't stop. It's impossible to tell just what is driving her, of course it could simply be fear of disappointing me. I'm used to people nearly killing themselves trying to obey my orders, too afraid of what would happen to them if they failed. And they are right to fear me. I don't tolerate idiocy or laziness, and a half assed job is the quickest way to earn severe punishment. Some leaders disapprove of my overly strict and demanding manner, but I don't see what the problem is. If people would only do what I ask the first time I tell them to, and actually do it RIGHT, then there wouldn't be a problem. But soldiers are so undisciplined now-a-days that it's rare for ANYONE to meet my expectations without me spitting venom in their face for their insolence first. I get lost in my own thoughts for a time, mentally scowling at half finished chores that have yet to be done. A span of several minutes pass and with a blink, I reorient my attention back to the field, Avian's form a small figure on the far side. For a second, I believe that she's finally stopped, but when I squint, I can just barely make out movement. She's slowed to a crawl and her arms hang like dead weight at her sides. Her head lolls in front of her, back slightly hunched, and I stand.

'_She's done.'_

She's got nothing left, and even though it couldn't have been more than twenty minutes, possibly half an hour, since she began, it's obvious that the woman has given all she's got. Just as I begin to make my way across the field to stop her, Avian's leg just gives out, and like a felled tree, her body falls completely limp to the ground, emitting a solid thud.

'_Perfect.'_

I jog to her now, and it only takes a few seconds before I reach her. She lays on her stomach, the side of her face pressed into the grass and limbs splayed out like a dolls.

"Oi, Conner." I say, grabbing her and roughly turning her onto her back, but her head just rolls, eyes closed.

'_She passed out.'_

Even unconscious, her breaths come fast and hard, and the side of her cheek is covered in dirt. Globs of wet hair cling to her sweaty forehead and face like glue. Lifting up her arm, I rest my first two fingers just on the inside of her slender wrist, her pulse fluttering beneath my touch. Her skin is cold with perspiration and the throb in her veins is much faster than it should be, but her pulse is strong and regular. Not the greatest way to be, but at least she didn't drop down dead. A spike of irritation stabs through me.

'_I told her to run till she passed out, but I didn't think the idiot would actually do it! Now I've got an unconscious body on my hands, and I guess I can't just leave her here...'_

With a sigh, I stoop down to lift her up. For a split second, I almost decide to just throw her over my shoulder, but I guess a hunk of bone and muscle to the sternum isn't the best for someone who's still panting for breath. Instead, I resign to sliding my arms underneath her, one under her knees and the other behind her shoulders, and pick her up. It takes a few tries to get her adjusted so her head doesn't lean back like she broke her neck, but eventually I get it to where it rests against my chest. Thankfully she's light so it hardly takes any effort on my part to carry her, but I can't help but cringe at the feeling of dirt and sweat against me as it soaks through my thin shirt. I make a mental note to wash myself again after this.

"Filthy idiot…" I mutter under my breath, and begin making my way across the field.

Nothing but the sound of my steps in the grass interrupts the calm, but as I near the edge of the field, the body in my arms lets out a slow groan and Avian slowly comes back to life. She isn't breathing as hard anymore, but it still isn't back to normal yet, and when I glance down as she wakes up, her eyes are dazed, staring out into the trees. She just stares for a few seconds, slowly regaining herself, then shifts her head as if realizing where she is, brows slightly knit.

"Am I done?" she asks softly, voice weighted with exhaustion.

"Yes." I answer her briskly, coming to the edge of the field.

She takes a minute to process this, and her eyes slowly scan the moving area around us.

"What happened?" she says finally.

I almost scoff.

"What kind of dumbass question is that? You ran until you passed out."

"Oh…."

Avian looks genuinely perplexed by this, still looking half there and half not. After a moment, she lifts her head and moves her legs.

"I can walk." She states, trying to get down, but I hold her fast.

"You're going to pass out again." I chide to which she wearily shakes her head.

"No I won't. I'm fine…"

'_Damn stubborn woman.'_ I frown, but I get it in my head to see if she really is as fine as she says.

"Suit yourself."

I stop in the shadow of the sleeping quarters building and let her slide out of my grip. Almost immediately, her eyes swim as she stands, blood rushing away from her head and she instinctively grips my shoulders to keep herself from falling. In a split second, she's in my arms again, and a righteous annoyance fills me.

"Now what the hell did I just say? Are you going to make a habit out of disobeying every order I give you, or are you just stupid?"

Avian is too dazed to reply, and I let out a tiny sigh, walking on again.

"Barely first day and you take my order too literally and nearly kill yourself."

Even as I scold her, I can't help but be a little impressed by her determination. If it counts, she did give me her all, which is something that I can't get too angry over, though a half dead recruit is not much of a consolation. I can't help but see the similarities between her and titan brat. Both of their physical attributes are nothing special, and their performance is usually lack luster and subpar, but it seems that both share a parallel determination that is the core that drives them onward; a resolve to push themselves as hard as they can to become better, stronger. Perhaps there is a glimmer of hope for this useless heap of awkwardness. The entrance to the sleeping quarters is just coming into sight, and I glance down to see the woman with her eyes closed and hair falling across her face, a look of exhaustion clouding her freckled, sunburned features. My dream comes to me one more time, Avian's voice clear as day. '_I'll keep on trying as many times as you are willing to teach me.' _Now that I've seen her in action, a part of me is starting to believe it.

'_I just might make use out of that. There's a soldier in you somewhere, and I'll do whatever it takes to bring it out, even if it half kills you. Humanity deserves that from you at least.'_

Avian doesn't respond to my mental oath, head limp against me, but I wasn't expecting her too. With as hard as I'm going to train her, I can only imagine this will be a regular occurrence. As I reach the entrance to the building, a swift turn of the knob opens the door and I step inside.

'_You better be ready to uphold your end of the bargain.'_ I think to the woman, and with a solid sound like the gong that sound from the clock tower, the door shuts behind me.

*Author's note*

So here's another 'way freaking longer than I expected' chapter lol. This was a bit of a struggle to write, and I hope that Levi is still mostly in character. I tried to write it like he usually sounds and acts, but as we've seen, a certain level of respect, even if it's a fraction, is shown when he realizes that Avian is serious about her commitment to serve humanity, sooooooo…. Hope it came out that way. If not, please don't kill me ;n; Oh, and to ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO WANTED LEVI TO CARRY AVIAN UP THE WALL IN CHAPTER 10, HERE YA GO XD I honestly found this to be a lot cuter anyway lol. This really was a lot of fun to write, and I enjoy the little bit of unfluffy fluff there at the end o3o. I wonder how things will go now that Avian's life isn't in danger anymore, and just how she's going to integrate into society as a 'soon to be' soldier? I'll give you a heads up and just say that there is no one more uncertain around people as she is, and I'm not sure if we will see a lot of it in this story, but believe me when I tell you that there are loads of social awkwardness to come xD Poor Avian is going to kill me… Anywho, even though no one answered my question from last week, I'll go ahead and give my answer. My question was: Is there anyone you would like to bring back to life that is dead in the cannon series/manga? My answer is yes: Marco, because Marco is freaking adorable and I enjoy the whole Marco/Jean friendship. Don't even get me started on Squad Levi. I try to pretend that entire arc never happened lol. I also miss minor characters like Nanaba and Mike. May the all rest in peace.

I also got a question from guest SNKrista who asked how tall Avian is. I first imagined her a bit taller, but I've decided that her official height is 4'9", much the same as Krista, though the fact that they are the same height is pure coincidence. I didn't even know Krista was that short until I was researching characters one day lol xD

Anywho, as always, please leave your thoughts and comments in a review because they are my life blood, and if you don't, I'll just kill you ^-^ Until next week, stay classy guys!

-Ambi


	13. Bread, an Oath, and Spiders

Chapter 13:

**Bread, an Oath, and Spiders**

Cool air hits me as I step inside the sleeping quarters building. Just as before, the halls are mostly devoid of people, which is just fine with me. It makes my job that much easier. My steps echo down the stone hall as I walk, the walls lit up ever few paces by small torches. Believing that my squad would still be in the mess hall preparing to eat, I keep my path straight and head there. Passing dozens of rooms on either side, the cafeteria sits to the back of the building, taking up the entire rear section. The wooden doors at its entrance are closed, but even outside I can hear the sounds of chatter. Adjusting the dead weight in my arms again so I can get a better grip on the knob, I swing it open and step inside. Each wall sheds slabs of light through large, tall windows, illuminating three rows of wooden bench tables, the majority of them still empty. Far in the back where the kitchen is located, a couple people busy themselves over counters and fireplaces, the smell of boiling water and cooking bread permeating the air. Just to the right corner on the furthest bench my team waits, lounging and talking amongst themselves. At the sound of the door closing behind me, Gunther lifts his head mid sentence to wave me over, only to stop half way when he spies what I'm holding.

"Hey, is she okay?" he asks, the others turning at his words.

"She's fine…." I answer and make my way to them.

Originally sitting with her back to me, Petra stands and rushes over, worry in her eyes.

"What happened?"

I shrug nonchalantly.

"I told her to run until she passed out, and she did."

The woman gives me a look, but I ignore it, instead maneuvering the body in my arms so Petra can grab her.

"Here," I order, passing a half dazed Avian off. "taker her and help her get cleaned up."

Petra nods, but in the middle of handing her over, Avian stirs again and I almost drop her. Blinking her eyes open, the ginger moves as if wanting to get down again.

"I can stand." She says softly."I assure you I can this time."

"Are you sure?" Petra asks, voice laced with concern. "You still looks half dead."

"I'm fine." Avian reassures her, and she slides out of my grip.

Avian's eyes swim as her feet hit the floor, but it's not nearly as bad as before, and she's able to keep herself upright, for the most part. Petra automatically grabs her gently by the arm to steady her.

"Take it easy." Petra warns, leading the ginger back through the door slowly. "Let's get you cleaned up. You can use my bath."

Soon, they are both gone, and I can finally take a seat with the others. Beside me in the center, Eren looks at me.

"Was it really necessary to run her that hard?"

"Yes." I reply, crossing my arms on the table casually. "I really should have chosen something harsher, but I guess that worked. As long as she gets it into that thick skull of hers not to disobey me again, I don't care."

From the other side of the table, Gunther nods understandingly, him always being the stern discipline type.

"She won't have that problem much longer once you're done with her. I mean, if you can get Oluo to follow your every word…." He says, motioning with his thumb to the empty seat beside him. "…you can get anyone to. She just needs time."

"Well it better not be much." I frown, staring holes into the dirty long sleeves of my shirt. "Damn woman ruined my shirt, and I just sat down."

I had almost completely forgotten about my soiled attire, and I growl at the sweat and dirt stains on the white fabric, feeling the roughness of it with my fingers. I really don't wish to stand again, but the discoloration is about to drive me up a wall. With an exasperated sigh, I make myself get back up.

"I'm going to change. Eren, I better have tea waiting for me by the time I get back."

The teen nods, always eager to please.

"Yes, sir!"

With a small nod to Gunther, I head out of the room and back down the long, torch lit hallway. At the front by the entrance doors, a staircase leads up and I follow it up to the fourth floor. Though all Recon soldiers share the same building, the women's dorms are only on the first two flights, where as the men's are on the third and fourth. And so up I go, down another long hall just like the one below, and turn left, going all the way down till I reach the last room on the right. Changing doesn't take long, always having plenty of clean clothes to spare, and soon I'm back down in the mess hall, it's space a little more populated than before. A good number of soldiers now sit, dotted over the various tables, talking and wasting time until supper is finished. Just as I ordered, Eren and Gunther greet me with a cup of fresh tea, which I take gratefully. Sitting back down again, I fix the cuffed half sleeves of my new white shirt.

"Where is Eld?" I ask off handedly, tugging a stubborn cuff.

"He offered to help Oluo clean up his mess." Gunther replies, shaking his head. "He didn't tell me details, but I don't think Oluo bothered to get any of his clothes washed, so now he's got a huge load waiting to be dealt with."

"Damn slob." I scoff, taking a sip of tea. "He should know better."

"Yes he should." Gunther agrees. "But as it were, it's not like he has had time as of late. Now that the hole in Wall Rose is sealed, perhaps we can breathe for a while."

"Perhaps…"

Beside me, Eren fidgets slightly, causing me to glance at him.

"What?"

"I was just wondering, Corporal…" Eren begins. "…now that Avian is a part of the Recon Corps, is she going to be trained?"

"What do you think?" I chide him, setting my cup down. "I plan to have us go back to the abandoned Recon headquarters building south of Hermina. From there, we'll take the time to train her in combat and movement gear usage. I'll speak to Hanji about having her educate Avian on our history and the titans."

Eren nods in understanding as a couple more soldiers file into the room. From there, Eren and Gunther carry on conversation between themselves, leaving me to listen in without much input. Eld soon rejoins us, along with Petra a few minutes later. Half an hour goes by as we waste time, the room slowly filling up with more people. At long last, the cooks in the kitchen give the all clear, and there is a mini bum rush as soldiers jockey into place. I'd rather have had either Petra or Gunther make something for us instead of being forced to wait, but there is nothing to be done about it now. Eren, Eld, and Gunther take their own place in line, and a few minutes later, return with large plates filled with long noodles topped with creamy red sauce and a very small loaf of bread.

"You gonna get anything, Corp?" Gunther asks as he sits down across from me with Eld at his side.

"I'll wait."

'_I'm not about to stand in some elementary lunch line.' _I think, contenting myself with another sip of tea.

The line goes down quickly as soldiers sit down with their food, the room filling up with the sound of forks on plates. Once gone, I head up and get my own share and sit back down. Everyone is well into their dinner by the time Oluo shows up, then he too makes his way to us, taking a hard seat beside Eren and hungrily begins to eat. There are still no signs of Petra or the woman for a while yet, but eventually, well after the food has gotten cold, they return, Petra leading a freshly cleaned Avian by the hand to the kitchen. A moment later, they take their places on the end of the table, Petra beside Oluo and Avian on the opposite side, beside Eld. I do not miss the narrowed, sidelong looks several of the other soldiers give the ginger haired woman as she sits.

"It's about time you made it." Gunther comments as they join us. "I was beginning to think you'd miss out."

"It took a while for us to get the bath ready, and I had to search through all my clothes to try and find something to fit Avian." Petra replies. "She's so small, nothing of mine fits."

And it was true. Even wearing women's clothes, Petra's blue button up shirt and brown skirt are at least a size to big for the miniature woman, causing the blouse to hang haphazardly and loosely on her shoulders.

"I apologize…" Avian comments, looking a bit bashful with wet hair pushed behind her ears.

Petra shakes her head.

"You've nothing to apologize for. You're just really small is all." She smiles, taking a bite of noodle. "Once you start getting your allowance every week, we can take a trip to the market and find something that fits better."

"That sounds swell." Avian replies gratefully, just about to begin eating, but she suddenly freezes, staring at Eld's plate with a oddly awe-filled gaze.

Eld takes notice and raises a brow at her.

"You okay?" he asks as the woman casts her gaze over all of our plates, her eyes slowly growing wider with each.

"Is…." She begins, laying her eyes on Eld's loaf. "… is that bread?"

Eld looks a bit taken aback, and everyone gives the woman a strange look which she doesn't seem to notice. After a second of awkward silence, Eld answers.

"It is…."

Avian's eyes seem to light up as she stares.

"I thought so!" she says wistfully. "Oh I love bread! I haven't had it in so long, I'd forgotten it existed!"

Eld, Eren, Gunther, Oluo and Petra all exchange glances, Petra leaning forward to address the ginger.

"Bread is common here." She begins, looking slightly confused. "Have you really never eaten bread before?"

"Oh I have!" Avian smiles, turning her bright gaze to the woman. "My mother would always bake a large loaf for special occasions. We'd always flavor it with garlic, or toast it and cover it in honey and cinnamon. It's one of the most wonderful things I've ever eaten."

At this, Avian's smile falls slightly, thinking back.

"I haven't had any in so long, and my mother never got the chance to show me how to make it."

Silence falls over our table, and I can't help but stare at her. If there was ever a more brilliant example that illustrates just how deprived Avian's life has been, this is it. Here we are, eating the same mediocre crap we have to force down almost every other day, and Avian acts like it's a damn delicacy. Now that I think about it, it makes sense. Avian was fairly young when her family was killed, so that left her to her own devices and what she had learned up to that point. I'd never noticed before, but thinking back, I realize that she'd made us nothing but stews and soups the entire week we stayed with her. It's quite possible that that is all she's ever known for the past several years.

'_No wonder she's so excited over a piece of stale bread.'_

Avian lets out a small breath and gives Eld's loaf one last longing look before picking up her fork and taking a bite of her cold dinner.

"I wish I had finished getting clean sooner and gotten one before they ran out…"

Beside me, Eren lifts his arm, taking his own share of bread and, without a word, tears it in half and offers one side to the woman.

"Here."

Avian gapes at him, almost stunned and looking slightly lost at what to do.

"N… no." she stutters finally. "It is yours. You enjoy it."

Eren ignores her and shoves the half onto her plate before she can say another word.

"Just take it. It's not really that great, but if you want it that bad, I don't mind sharing." He says, to which the woman blinks. "I've eaten plenty, so don't worry about it."

Avian gazes at him for another moment, then down at the bread on her plate, a strange look coming over her face. At long last, she takes it in her hand and takes a small bite from it. I know for a fact that the bread they serve here is half crap, but her blue eyes light up with delight anyway, and she swiftly takes another bite.

'_I wonder what other things that we take for granted are luxury to her.'_

At Avian's lead, we all go back to finishing our meals, each person taking just a second to stare at their food in the same pondering way, probably echoing my own thoughts before digging in. Conversation is dropped, and time passes in silence. I watch as soldiers from all around slowly file out of the room, heading back to their quarters until only a handful are left. By then, most everyone is finished, sitting contently now that hunger is stifled. Taking one final sip to finish my tea, I move to get ready to stand, but movement from the corner of my eye stops me. A young man with sweeping light brown hair makes his way over, and I recognize him as James Tucker, the man who gave me Erwin's message after Avian was captured two day before. He looks a bit nervous, barely giving me a glance before hesitantly making his way around the table, stopping a pace or two from Avian. Only when he stops there does the woman take notice and look up.

"H… hey…" James begins, casting his eyes to the side. "I… um… I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just… just wanted to… to thank you."

The entire table lifts their heads as Avian looks up at the man with surprise. I raise a brow and watch the exchange in interest.

"You probably don't know who I am…" James continues, turning his gaze to the woman. "… but you saved my life last night. I was on the front guard, and a titan knocked me off my horse. It grabbed me before I could run away, and I thought I was going to be eaten for sure, but just when I thought it was over, you came out of nowhere and killed it." James lifts a hand to run a hand through his hair. "I don't think I've ever come that close to dying, and even though I honestly had my doubts about you, I'm really grateful you where there."

Avian blinks, and James gives her a small smile.

"If it weren't for you, I would have died. So… thanks."

The woman stares at him for a long moment, probably not knowing what to say, but after a few seconds, she manages a small nod.

"You're welcome." She says, sounding appalled.

James smiles at her, standing there for a moment, and when Avian fails to say anything else, he shuffles his feet.

"Well… that's all I wanted to say." He states, looking to the side again. "Um… I guess I'll leave you then. Have a good night."

With that, he promptly walks away and out the door, Avian's eyes following him the entire way. No one says anything for a long time, and I find the exchange along with the woman's reaction quite interesting. She looks so lost, eyes lingering on the door with an odd mixture of awe and perplexity. At long last, she returns her gaze to the table before her.

"Why would he say that?" she asks finally, casting her eyes across the short distance to me.

"Why do you sound so surprised? Have you never been thanked before?"

"No, I have…." She elaborates, meditating. "…but not for an instance such as that. It's as if… rescuing him was something I didn't have to do, like an optional service."

Her puzzlement deepens to the point where her brows knit.

"Is a soldier assisting someone, or saving someone's life a rare occurrence here?"

The inquiry confuses me for a moment as I try to understand what she means, until I realize that it isn't the question that is odd, but her perspective. With sudden comprehension, I realize that this woman's psyche is like that of a child's; unknowing, naïve, innocent. The only reason why she would even bother asking such a question is because she doesn't understand that putting your own life on the line for someone else is against human nature. Unlike the rest of humanity, she still has that ingrained desire to put others before herself, and I recall what I said about her earlier, about being a natural healer. She doesn't understand the emotional turmoil or struggle that goes along with risking your life against your better judgment, because her better judgment IS to put herself into danger. Such abandonment comes easily to her, and she still hasn't realized that not everyone is like her, able to throw their life away at a moment's notice. For her to have even retained such a way of thinking after what she's been through is beyond me, and I make a mental note to ask her about it later. I take a few moments to consider her before answering.

"It depends. There are many who are willing to give their all to save their comrades, but most of the time, those who need saving don't survive long enough to BE saved."

Avian seems to understand clearly what I'm implying, and all possible conversation stops after that, leaving the woman to ponder in her own mind. With the silence droning on and nothing more to say, I stand and take my leave.

…..

Though dinner was held in the early evening, night comes quickly as I finish getting packed for the venture in the morning, By my estimate, we'll be able to stay at the abandoned headquarters for around a month or so, spending a good portion of each day training the woman. With a sigh, I place my final bag at the foot of my bed and look out of the darkened window. It should be around ten or so, nearing lights out, and once again, sleep tugs at my body, but I push it away. As I do every night, I still have one more task that needs to be completed, and that is to prowl the dark hallways on every floor, making sure every recruit is where they should be. Taking one last glance over to make sure everything is set and ready to go, I head out. Even with the torches burning, the halls are dark and ominous, but oddly comforting in their familiarity. I've wandered these same halls for years, so navigating them in the dark is no problem. As I begin my round, I make sure to snuff out every flame, throwing the passage into deeper darkness. As usual, every floor is abandoned and silent, soldiers knowing better than to be outside after curfew lest I chew them out for it. I make my way down every hall, slowly descending with each; fourth floor, third floor, second floor, and finally the first, all empty. As I make my way down one of the last side passages on the ground level, voices come to my ears through the walls. They aren't loud, but they reverberate off the stone walls like an echo, and I recognize Petra's voice.

"It's not a problem I promise." She says, the sound of her voice slightly muffled coming through the door. "Until they can assign you a room of your own, you can stay here."

"I feel as if I am intruding…" Avian's soft reply follows, but it's cut off by the sound of fabric being moved.

"Don't be silly. Here, just take these and make a pallet somewhere. Don't give me that look either. It really isn't a problem, and these quilts are years old, so I don't mind if they get a little dirty."

"Still…"

"Think of this as me repaying you for what you did for us all those months ago." Petra answers, and I can hear the smile in her voice. "You let us stay with you and dirty up your quilts, so this is me returning the favor."

Avian doesn't answer, instead the sound of ruffling fabric starts again. After a minute, I'm about to continue on my way when Avian suddenly speaks up again.

"Where is Corporal's sleep quarters?"

"He is upstairs, on the top floor." Petra answers simply. "Why?"

"I just realized that I need to tell him something."

This catches my interest and I stop just down the hall, listening.

"Well it's past lights out. If you go now he'll just get on to you." Petra replies, sounding a bit worried.

"That is fine. I don't mind. It was my fault for stalling so long."

There is a pause and I casually lean against the wall.

"Well if you really want too…. His room is on the top floor. Down the hall, the first passage on the left, last room on the right."

"Thank you. I promise I'll be quick."

At that, I hear footsteps and the knob jiggles a bit before the door opens, Avian softly stepping out. She gently closes the door behind her and turns to make her way down the hall, apparently missing me in the darkness. As she walks forward, I push myself off the wall and into the light. The woman lets out a mild gasp, hand flying instinctively to her collar, then relaxes slightly when she sees it's me.

"C….. Corporal." She stutters. "I did not realize you were here."

I look at her, slightly amused by the fact that I startled her though I make sure my stoic expression never changes, and raise a brow.

"You had something you wanted to say?"

Avian gazes at me with mild surprise, then nods.

"Yes, I just…." She hesitates, casting her eyes down for a moment, then raises them again. "I wanted to thank you, for… for standing up for me."

This is not what I was expecting to hear, and it catches me somewhat off guard.

"If it wasn't for you speaking up when you did, I'd be dead by now." She continues, a slightly hurt expression coming across her features. "In all honesty, I truly believed I was going to die, and I loathe to admit it but… I didn't have any faith in you."

At this, her gaze lowers again.

"That's the other ratification I wanted to say. I want to apologize, for everything. For my behavior back then on the wall, for disobeying you even though I knew it to be wrong, and for judging you with ill will. You didn't deserve any of that, and now, I understand that you aren't the person I believed you to be."

I stare at her with a gaze as sharp as a knife.

"What kind of person did you take me to be?"

"Someone vastly different from the one I saw earlier today." She answers softly. "Up until a few hours prior, I found it difficult to believe that you had any decency in you at all because of the way you've treated me. But now I recognize that it was all for my benefit. A truly hateful person would have left me to be put to death, and a truly hateful person would have left me in the dirt when I fell. In fact, a hateful person would have punished me much harsher than you did. Looking back now, I see that there was no ill will in your actions, only frustration at my obvious ignorance. I understand now just how far I have to go before I can even begin to develop into the breed of soldier you expect me to become."

Her words surprise me, and her gaze latches on to mine.

"I want you to know that my decision to come here was not a spontaneous impulse. Believe me when I tell you that I'm fully committed to learning your ways; to becoming the kind of soldier I need to be. I realize that it will be hard because I know nothing about how your world operates, and I have a lot of work ahead of me if I wish to be an asset for mankind, but it is the least I can do. I owe you my life after all…."

That strange expression that appeared earlier today crosses her face, and I suddenly recognize what it is. Respect. Her blue orbs blaze in the low light of the hallway, and even though her body sags slightly in exhaustion and shadows of fatigue hang under her eyes, of the orange of the flaming torches lighting the passage set her hair and gaze on fire.

"I swear upon my life that I will do whatever it takes to become the best soldier I can be." She announces, face set with determination. "I swear to you an oath that, in whatever I do, I'll give it my all. I'll push harder than any other recruit you've ever trained, and I'll repay your kindness in full. I'll make sure that your generosity will not be in vain."

I stare at the woman, her gaze never breaking from mine, and I decipher her words carefully, though there isn't much reason too. If there was ever a face filled to brim with certainty, it's hers, and I can almost feel the strength of her conviction. It tugs at something deep inside of me, but I have no idea of what it could be. It's an odd feeling, similar to what I felt earlier today, just after her fate was decided, and yet it's different at the same time. I've had many people pledge loyalty and devotion to me, Petra and Oluo being the two best examples, but even their certainty pales in comparison to the small woman before me. With surprising ease, I know that no matter what may happen in the future, I am assured that she will uphold her commitment to the best of her meager, inadequate abilities. I almost smirk.

"That's a lot of big talk for such a small woman. Are you sure you want to make such a promise to me?" I answer her coolly. "Don't expect to be treated kindly just because you're a new recruit. If you truly wish to be part of the Recon Corps, you better be ready to sacrifice everything. There is no room for soldiers who hold back, and I plan on working you until your fingers bleed and you've got nothing left."

Avian never breaks from my steely gaze, not for a moment.

"I do." She answers firmly.

"Very well. If that's the case, then get your ass to bed. We leave for your future training grounds at dawn."

At that, the woman firmly nods, conviction still fueling her movements, and just as I'm about to turn away, she shifts and gives me a proper, solid salute.

"Yes, sir!"

After she returns to Petra's dorm and I steadily make my way back upstairs to my own room, a smirk finally breaks through.

'_There is hope for you yet, bread girl.'_

….

Morning comes swiftly, and the atmosphere is cool and calm, a constant breeze lacing it's way around me as I wait with my squad near the entrance to the stables. It is just after dawn, the sky still yellow and orange near the horizon, but there is a certain level of excitement in the air as we prep our horses for the travel ahead.

"It'll be just like before." Petra comments a few paces away, adjusting the straps of her saddle. "It wasn't that long ago that we were doing the same thing with you, Eren. It's almost weird going back so soon."

"It is." The teen answers with a small smile. "But I guess I can't say much. I'm still 'green' according to Oluo."

"Well, if you go by him, you'll be a greenie forever." Gunther adds in, pausing in his own adjustments to cast a glance over his shoulder. "It doesn't really matter that much now that we have Avian on our squad. You're no longer the newbie. Speaking of which… where is she?"

It's true that everyone is present aside from the ginger haired woman, which strikes me as a bit odd.

"Wasn't she nearly finished getting ready when you headed out, Petra?" I ask offhandedly, to which the woman nods.

"She was, so I don't understand what could be keeping her. It's not like she had much to pack…"

Even as she says this, the sound of rapid footfalls on earth come from behind me, and I turn to see Avian running her way to us, a pack bouncing lightly off her back with each step. It takes a few seconds for her to bridge the distance, but once near enough, she stops a few paces away, breathing heavily with her hands on her knees.

"I am….._***huff*huff***_ SO SO sorry! _***huff*huff***_ I swear I left on time!"

I give her a few moments to catch her breath before I question her.

"Just what the hell took you so long? First day as a fresh soldier, and you start if off by being late." I scold, narrowing my eyes at the woman.

"I highly apologize, Corporal." She answers swiftly, looking embarrassed. "I swear that I left on time, but on the way here, I somehow lost my way…"

My scowl deepens.

"You got lost." I say, more of a statement than a question, to which she nods, pink coloring her cheeks.

"I believed myself to have remembered where the horses where cared for, but on the way, all the buildings seemed to look the same, and I lost track of where I was. I apologize again for my insolence."

All I can do is mentally shake my head and motion behind me.

"Come over here and don't leave. Eld has gone to fetch that mountain of a horse of yours."

At that, Avian's eyes light up.

"I can ride Stonewall there?" she asks, astounded at the idea. "I thought that I was only allowed to ride your military steeds?"

"While on missions, you are required to use ours." I answer, turning back to my own mare. "But for anything outside of that, you can ride whatever you like."

Though I do not see her, she makes a pleased sound, and walks around to where I directed her and she begins to help attach my packs.

"Hey Avian, I'm really sorry about that." Petra comments, throwing an apologetic gaze her way. "I'd totally forgotten that you would have needed help finding us, and I just kind of left without even asking if you knew the way."

"All is well." The woman replies, hidden from my view. "I was able to remember most of the way, if that is any consolation."

"Still..."

"Don't fret over it. I'm fine, I promise." The woman cuts her off, bending down to grab another pack yet to be attached.

"Don't worry." Gunther adds in a few paces away. "Petra got lost plenty of times when she first started training."

"Gunther!" Petra exclaims, causing the brown haired man to laugh.

"It's just the simple truth…." He shrugs.

"Did you really get lost a lot Petra?" Eren asks, causing the woman to frown.

"No. Gunther just likes to exaggerate. If there is anyone who is terrible at getting lost, it's Oluo."

"HEY! LOOK HERE…! THAT IS A BLACK-TONGUED LIE!"

"Oh, shut it. You know it's true. Remember that time you nearly pissed yourself in the back alley because you couldn't find the…"

"PETRA!" Oluo cries, turning red in the face. "WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!? THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND!"

"For the last time, I'm not your wife! Keep this up and I'll stuff your face into a hornet's nest!"

Just as Oluo is about to spit back a retort, Eld's voice calls from down the road.

"That's enough! You two act like damn children…"

Stopping in mid work, I peek my head around the neck of my steed to see him slowly walking up the way, leading that gray beast of Avian's by his reins. It's easy to know when she sees him, because I hear a joyful gasp from the other side of my mare and the woman practically sings his name.

"Stonewall~!"

Abandoning her task, she jogs over to where the stallion waits for her, the large beast throwing up his head and stamping his giant hooves in delight before shoving his muzzle into the small woman's body, nearly knocking her over.

"Oh, how I've missed you too!" she coos, wrapping her arms around his neck and scratching behind his ears and in his dark mane vigorously. "I'm so glad they treated you well!"

"Yeah, about that… From now on, you need to be the one to get him." Eld tells her, drawing her attention. "I almost had to chase him down, and when I did, I practically had to drag him here. He didn't like the other soldiers who tried to groom him for you either."

"I see. He must still be wary of strangers." The woman replies, stroking the horse's muzzle. "I'll take it upon myself to care for him."

"Sounds fair." The older man nods, walking a few paces to where his steed loyally waits and begins finishing up his preparations.

The woman doesn't seem to notice, having given all her attention back to that beast, and I clear my throat to gain her notice.

"How about you spend less time coddling that brute and start saddling him so we can leave."

Embarrassment tinges the woman's cheeks again, and she swiftly nods, jumping into action.

"Yes, sir! I apologize! I'll be right on it!" she calls hurriedly, swinging the pack off her shoulders and quickly sets to work.

By the time she finishes, everyone has long since been ready to go, so the moment Avian is seated, we take off, making our way through town to the Stohess gate. There is a good number of people already out and about, cleaning up shops or beginning some type of household chore, and a few even give us simple greetings. There are still some who stare, the object of their interest quite obvious, but news of Avian's efforts in helping defend the wall, and her recent success in joining the Recon Corps keeps all possible insults at bay. The short ride to the entrance of Stohess is quiet, and soon enough, we are out the gate and galloping our way across open country, making a hard right in beeline for the abandoned castle. Thankfully, the sky remains clear, and even though there is hardly a cloud in the blue sky, a constant breeze follows us on our journey, the wind keeping us cool. When the Stohess district is well out of sight, I hear Eren's voice behind me, drifting slightly as we ride.

"Say, Avian…. This is kind of a silly question, but what kind of horse is Stonewall?"

"Oh, I asked my father the same thing long ago." the woman responds, sounding at ease. "It's been a long while, but I believe he called him a… What was it? Clod… Clent…. Clide…"

I chance a backwards glance over my shoulder and see the woman leaning back in her saddle, brows knit in concentration and her arms crossed, not holding onto the reins at all. After a second, her eyes light up in recollection.

"That's right! I remember! He called him a Clydesdale." She answers finally, turning her eyes to the teen. "I remember my father telling me about all different breeds of horses he's seen, everything from spotted to striped to some as small as rams."

Eren's eyes widen.

"You serious? Small, striped horses? That's impossible."

"No, it's not." The woman disagrees, shaking her head. "I admit that I have never seen these breeds myself, but my father would not lie to me. There ARE some out there, somewhere. Stonewall here is proof enough of that."

The woman gives the stallion beneath her a compassionate pat on his thick neck before continuing.

"Stonewall is a kind of working horse if I remember correctly, and his kind are one of the largest in the world. Father said that people would use them for all sorts of occupations from farm work to carriage pullers. They are very sturdy and strong breeds, and as far as I know, there are no others who even come close to looking like they do."

Eren nods, absorbing every word like a sponge.

"I've never seen any like that either, but I can't imagine anything looking like he does. I've never seen a horse so large with fur covering its hooves."

"Well, to make it fair, I'VE never seen a horse so small with such delicate looking legs. That makes us even." The woman smiles, earning her a smile back. "Speaking of such…" she continues, now looking to me. "I'm surprised that your steed can handle the weight of all your possessions Corporal. What exactly is all this for?"

Honestly, I don't have that much at all; a single pack for clothing and other small hygiene necessities, and four others containing my varied collection of supplies and dust kerchiefs. For some reason, I decide to keep her in the dark as to what my squad has already come to expect upon every outing to the old headquarters. So without much enthusiasm, I answer her flatly.

"Shut up and you'll see."

The woman blinks, and she looks as if she wants to investigate further, but surprises me by obeying my order; keeping her mouth and looking forward. The rest of our ride goes by in more silence, aside from the occasional comment from Oluo or Gunther, and the quiet is comforting.

'_I'll take whatever peace I can get before I have to spend thirty days with that brat Eren and Oluo's filthy mouth.'_

A little bit before midday, our destination comes into view and as we near, I slow down and finally halt just in front of the looming structure, promptly sliding off the saddle. Behind me, the others do the same, the senior soldiers automatically leading their steeds to one of the castles may tethering poles and begin unloading their packs, Eren and Avian following suit.

"It's huge…" I hear the woman gasp, gazing at the massive building as I wordlessly begin unburdening my horse. "I surmised them to be large, but never would I have conceived something so grand. We are truly about to stay here the coming month?"

Eld nods.

"This is where the Recon Corps headquarters used to be until they moved it to where it is now in Stohess." He answers, already done unloading. "Due to its location so far from the walls and any reliable water source, this place was abandoned many years ago. It serves as a training ground now."

Gunther nods, adding, "This is where we took Eren when he first joined us as well, so it's familiar to us."

The woman nods, slowly putting her pack around her shoulders.

"I see…"

"Don't look so stunned. It's just a crummy old building." Oluo interjects, sneering as he tugs on the last strap holding his bag. "Not to mention it's a pain in the ass to clean, dirt and crap everywhere…"

"She'll see in just a minute." Petra stops him with a glare, pack upon her shoulders.

Before they can begin arguing again, I dislodge one of my cleaning bags and throw it at Oluo, causing him to jump and nearly drop it in surprise.

"Hurry up and get this inside. We're wasting daylight." I scowl at him, then I turn my gaze to the woman, beckoning her over. "You, carry these."

Avian grunts slightly under the weight of the two packs that I give her, but to her credit, she keeps her mouth shut and slowly takes them inside. Without a word, I toss the final bag to Eren, who carries it in with ease, and I sling my personal pack onto my shoulder, following behind Gunther and Petra with their own packs. Inside, it's dark and cold, the only light coming from the open front door. It takes a moment before Eld can strike a match to light the first torch, but once he does, it throws the large room into light. It's not much of a room really, more of a foyer, with a hallway straight ahead leading to the dining room and kitchen, and a large staircase just to the left that leads to the sleeping quarters. As expected, everyone has their things placed neatly against the wall, the senior soldiers knowing full well that it's pointless putting anything in its place just yet.

"Are we not to put our things away first?" Avian asks, watching me as I enter.

"No. We've got a more pressing matter at hand…"

Putting my own pack on the floor, I lightly drag my finger across the wall and scowl at the large glob of dirt and dust that forms there.

'_This just won't do.'_

Without missing a beat, Eld begins unpacking my cleaning bags, meticulously placing container after container of cleaning fluids, polish, soap, among other things in a row. Oluo, Petra, Gunther, and Eren all follow suit, leaving Avian standing there awkwardly and looking very lost.

"Here." Gunther says, taking a clean white bandana and cleaning kerchief from one of the bags and hands it to Avian. "Put these on. Your gonna need them."

Avian looks at him confused.

"Whatever for?"

"What do you think?" I answer, taking an exact pair of bandanas and kerchiefs for myself, putting them on. "Just look how filthy this damn place is. We aren't doing anything until every inch of this place is cleaned."

The woman's eyes grow wide.

"But his place is enormous! How do you expect us to clean all of this?"

"Thoroughly, that's how. You asked what all this was for and now you know."

Without giving her a chance to reply, I busy myself with sorting through all of my collection, distributing brushes, rags, dusters, and whatever else that is in the bags to each member. Once everything is in order, I assign them to their posts.

"Gunther, you take care of this floor. Petra, then second. Oluo and Eld, you two take care of the outside windows and the cellars. Eren, you have the third floor, and Avian, the fourth. Do I make myself clear?"

As one, my squad salutes and immediately disperses, arms filled with various cleaning tools and buckets. The only one left standing is the woman, to whom I motion with my head to follow, and begin making my way upstairs, her at my heels. We go up to the very top floor which consists of nothing but storage rooms and one spacious office in the back, complete with bookcases, shelves, tables, and a large desk. It's only when we make it there that I stop, letting the woman put down her own bucket and tools before addressing her.

"It's simple." I start, shaking our a bandana and tying it around my head. "I want every speck of dust, every smudge, smear, and blot gone by this evening before dinner. Everything you need is either here or downstairs, and you can use as much cleaning solution as you need. I'll bring you your broom in a moment. Any questions?"

Avian shakes her head, still wearing a look of slight bewilderment, but doesn't argue.

"No, sir."

"Good. And don't so some half assed job either unless you want to run laps around this building. I want to see my reflection in everything, got it?"

"Yes, sir!"

I stare at her for a moment, mentally considering her small stature and all the out of reach places that will inevitably be missed.

'_I'll bring back a stool. That'll be good enough.'_

"Good, now put those kerchiefs on and get started. We don't have all damn day." I order, starting to make my way down the hall but Avian stops me.

"Wait!" she says, and I pause to look back at her. "I apologize, but I've no idea how or where these go…" she admits, looking down at the floor, the white cloths in her hands.

'_You've got to be kidding me…'_

"You don't know how to put on a bandana or a kerchief?" I ask, an itch of irritation coloring my voice.

The ginger barely shakes her head.

"No. I apologize. I've never seen articles of clothing such as these before… My family always cleaned in whatever garments we had on…"

"Then come here."

At my order she makes her way to me and I take the cloths from her, putting a hand on her shoulder to spin her around.

"Hold still and hold your hair up."

She obeys silently, and I quickly wrap the kerchief around her neck, tying it in place. The woman shifts a bit as I work on the bandana next, and she shuffles her feet.

"I thank you Corporal, and I really do apologize for all this…"

"Whatever." I say, tying her bandana in place and step back. "Just make sure this floor is spotless."

Avian nods.

"I'll do my best."

With a final glance, I walk away and leave her to her own devices.

'_Let's see how this goes.' _I think, descending back down the stairs again. _'Surely she can't screw this up.'_

…..

Hours pass in a quick haze as I flit from floor to floor dusting, sweeping, wiping, and mopping. Thanks to their experience, my senior squad members don't need any help or supervision, knowing full well that I'll skin them alive if there is so much as a single wad of lint on the floor. Eren on the other hand is a whole other matter. Well into the afternoon, I make my way to the third floor to check his progress and I'm surprised to see the boy already working on the hallway, vigorously sweeping. At the sound of my boots on the floor, he turns and hastily throws up a salute.

"Corporal! All the sleeping rooms have been cleaned sir!"

'_We'll see about that.'_

Without a word, I walk straight past him and into the furthest back rooms, immediately frowning at what I see. There isn't much in the way of furniture thanks to this place having been given up long ago, but even the sparse furnishings are far from clean. The bed frames still have a layer of dust on the sides closest to the stone walls, the single nightstand's only drawer looks like it hasn't even been touched on the inside, and my gaze pierces the built up grime that is trying to hide in the shadows of the rooms corners.

"Tch."

Frown deepening, I reenter the hall and stab Eren with my eyes.

"Do it again." I spit, voice heavy with disapproval making the boy flinch. "These rooms are nowhere near clean."

Eren hastily nods, looking positively stricken.

"Y… Yes, sir!"

As he hurriedly rushes to follow my order, I turn and begin making my way upstairs.

'_Might as well check up on Conner while I'm at it.'_

Boots thudding hollowly on the stone steps, I reach the top and my frown turns into a scowl. Immediately I can see that the hall is just as dirty as it was hours before, and making a quick check into the nearest storage room, it's obvious that it hasn't been touched. Stacks of boxes and miscellaneous furniture lay unmoved, a thick layer of dust glinting like beacons in the beams of sunlight that shine through the windows. Not only that, but with a swift sweep through the rest of the hall, I see that all the other storage rooms are in equal states of filthiness.

'_Just what the hell has she been doing the past five hours!?'_

Slightly enraged by her obvious lack of effort, I trudge into the hall and down toward the office room, already formulating an appropriate punishment.

"CONNER!"

At my yell, her voice answers from the other side of the closed office door, sounding a bit distant.

"Yes, sir?"

"GET OUT HERE NOW."

There is silence as I reach the end of the hall, laying a hand on the knob to open it up. Just as I do, it swings inward and there stands Avian, eyes round.

"Yes?"

My eyes are daggers, and she visibly flinches when they cut into her.

"What, exactly, have you been doing that has kept you from cleaning the rest of this floor?" I ask with menace.

The woman looks at me dumbfound.

"I still have yet to finish this room, sir." She answers, slightly confused. "I've been cleaning, and have strived to make it spotless, just as you asked…"

At that, she motions to herself, and I suddenly notice that her clothes are covered in gray smudges and dirt. The dark blouse that she is currently borrowing from Petra hides most of the grime, but her tan pants are soiled with blots of dust stains. Even her white kerchief and bandana are marred by unclean blotches. This puts a kink in my automatic reflex, and I mentally take a step back and calm down a notch.

"So, this one room has kept you busy for five hours." I state more than ask, and the woman nods.

"I've tried my best to meet your requirements."

I glance at her, then slide my way past her.

"I'll be the judge of that."

Pushing the door open the rest of the way, I step inside and scan my eyes over its contents, and what I find is, to say the least, surprising. Even from the door, every wooden furnishing, shelf, and bookcase glistens brightly in the light, clean and polished. Pacing further in to inspect closer, the room's level of cleanliness is far above what I expect: windows don't have a smudge on them, the walls are completely devoid of cobwebs and dander, every item large or small has been dusted and polished to a brilliant shine, and even the floor is a shade or two lighter, weeks of dust and dirt painstakingly scrubbed off down to the crevasses and corners. All in all, if it were possible to see a reflection in stone and wood, there would be one. Out of curiosity, I pace over to the desk and drag my gloved hand over its underside. There isn't a speck. I'm honestly highly impressed by her work, and just behind me, I hear the woman take a few soft steps toward me.

"I'm still not finished." She says tentatively, and I turn to face her. "I have yet to completely clean the rafters…"

She motions to the tall step ladder in the farthest corner of the room, and I can see a nice line from where she stopped working, one side a muddy and sooty brown, the other a warm and natural tan. I study it a little while longer before turning my attention back to the woman, who looks almost anxious, clearly expecting some kind of scolding. That anxiousness quickly dissolves the moment I nod my approval, still feeling slightly astonished by her diligence.

"Not bad, Conner." I say, and astonishment crosses her features. "Better than what I expected from you."

At this, she physically relaxes, and a sort of pleased joy brightens her eyes.

"Oh I thank you so much!" she smiles, and I'm a bit taken aback by her evident relief.

'_Does she consider my approval that highly?'_

I stare at her for a moment, soaking up her joyous behavior and I remember her solid oath the night before. Perhaps I underestimated just how serious her conviction was. She DID say that she owed me her life, which is true, and she also pledged that she would give everything her all, but even so, for her to have this level of loyalty and commitment towards me is a strange sentiment.

"Don't thank me just yet, Conner." I continue, sharply breaking eye contact. "You still have this entire floor to finish before supper."

"Yes, sir!"

With abundant energy, she instantly dashes off back to her step ladder to finish her work, and without a word, I leave the room. I'm half tempted to go back downstairs, but in the end I decide to help her. Fetching my cleaning tools from where I left them a floor below, I return and set to work on one of the storage rooms, thoroughly dusting, wiping, sweeping, and mopping until the entire room glows. The quiet is calming, and after a while, I can hear Avian moving around in the hall, starting on one of the other storage rooms. Though it's subtle, a soft melody reaches me from where the woman hums to herself while she works, and I find myself concentrating on that sound for a reason I can't identify. After a few minutes, I catch myself getting lost in the tune as I clean, finding it to be surprisingly soothing and helpful. I'd never heard any of my subordinates do such a thing, and I've never considered it myself, but having the light song float in the air certainly beats out working in droning silence. Around halfway through a new tune, however, the music suddenly stops, and a shrill shriek pierces the air, nearly making me drop a loaded box. Instantly on high alert, I dash down the hall and into the room where I heard Avian cleaning, and once there I find the woman backed up completely against the wall, furiously rubbing her hands all over her body. Mid flail, she notices me and her eyes are round with fright, and she sharply points to the floor across the room.

"Kill them! Please kill them!"

Following her finger, it takes me a second to spot what she is pointing too, but when I do, all I see is hundreds of tiny black dots moving rapidly in every direction, scurrying across the floor and some up the walls. Instantly, I resign to stomping my boot all over the moving specks, killing most of them as the woman looks on. After a minute or so of this, most of them are taken care of, though a few have disappeared behind numerous boxes or made their way into cracks in the walls or ceiling. Taking a few seconds to make sure nothing else is moving, I crouch to get a better look at just what these dots are, and all around me there is nothing but crushed corpses of tiny, black, hairy spiders, each rolled into a leggy death ball. Somewhere behind me, the ginger finally moves from her place near the wall and takes a few steps closer.

"Are they all dead?" she asks tentatively.

At her question, a surge of irritation washes over me as I realize just how ridiculous this is.

'_Spiders. I tore down the hall to save her from spiders…'_

With exaggerated slowness, I return to a stand and stab her with a heated, steel-edged glare.

"You screamed... over spiders…" I state, voice cold.

Avian just stares back at me, though a hint of indignation colors her gaze.

"I was cleaning the rafters and I knocked off what I thought was simply a large dust ball. I didn't realize that it was a nest until thousands of those THINGS started pouring out." She explains, eyes wide and hard at the same time. "They fell on me. ON ME. What else was I supposed to do!? So yes, I DID scream over them."

I keep my glare on her as I reply.

"You're afraid of damn spiders."

"Yes, I am."

Inside, I'm utterly flabbergasted, and I almost take back what I said just last night about there actually being hope for her becoming a soldier. Just what kind of woman is she? One moment, she impresses me with her intelligence and commitment. The next, she acts like a frightened child. The dichotomy of her personality perplexes me.

"So, let me get this straight…" I start, causally crossing my arms. "You are NOT afraid of giant, humanoid monsters whose sole purpose is to devour us. But you ARE afraid of tiny, insignificant, hairy insects…"

Avian matches my glare with her own, determined to not look like a fool.

"First off, they are not insects. They are arachnids. And yes, I am frightened of them. When they were younger, my brothers found great enjoyment in hiding those demons in my bed sheets before I went to sleep."

"So because of that, out of everything on this damn planet that can kill you, spiders are your first paranoia?"

"Yes, they are." She replies, then her eyes and voice take such a serious tone that it catches me somewhat off guard. "NOTHING... Absolutely NOTHING should have that many legs and live…"

All I can do is stare at the idiotic woman and her pathetic attempt to maintain her pride, our eyes engaging in a silent battle of wills. After several seconds of tense silence, I spy her dropped duster on the floor by my feet and in one fluid motion, pick it up and throw it at her. She catches it, albeit haphazardly, and before she can meet my gaze again, I'm already leaving the room.

"Finish cleaning the damn room." I order harshly over my shoulder, then duck into the hall and out of sight.

Once I return to my own room and I'm sure she can't see me, I raise a hand to my temple, rubbing it slightly.

'_This is going to be one hell of a month.'_

*Author's Note*

Hello once again my lovelies! Here's to another long chapter that kinda went everywhere, so I'm sorry it jumped so much. Please don't kill me ;n; Dear God, I'm the freaking author and I STILL can't quit laughing at the end… Poor, poor Avian…. You may be cute and smart, but your weaknesses are many. And I'm sure Levi is 110% done with her for the day. Anywho, I apologize for rambling again, but I hope you guys enjoyed that!

This isn't even close to being a fourth of the way done with everything I have planned, but I just felt the need to thank all you wonderful peeps for your support. I feel so loved, and every time I get a review I almost tear up with happiness because you have no idea how much it means to me that people actually like, and look forward to, reading my work. I'm putting a lot of effort into this fic, and it's such a huge help and inspiration to know that my efforts are noticed and appreciated. So….. thankies, so much ;u;

In other news, I feel like replying to several recent reviews, just cause xD

**Anna**: I thank you for the comment. I really put a lot of thought into Avian's character, and I'm trying my best to make her believable and normal. She's a complex character, so there is still a lot for us to see with her, as well as a good amount of growth to witness hopefully C: And I'm glad that Levi is still coming out in character. It's a bit difficult at times, but I really do try my best.

**Imafangirlforever**: I'm so happy that you see her that way! Like I told Anna, Avian is complex, and I'm working on making a point at just how wide her range of personality/skill/ect is. Just as you said, she can be confident and badass one moment, but in the next we are reminded that she is just as ignorant, clumsy, and forgetful as she is intelligent. I promise we will see a good deal more of that throughout the story.

**AliLaShae**: I feel so honored that you love this story and Avian and Levi's relationship so much. I could cry from joy ;u; Though it is up in the air if anything will develop, feel free to call the couple Levian if you want. I've actually played around with ship names for them just cause, and that sounds best to me, sooooo there you have it. (OTP FOR LIFE) You're pretty much on track as well. I'll go ahead and tell you that next chappy will contain Avian's first training/sparring lesson, and though I can't tell you exactly what happens, it's going to be good I hope C: I can't say enough just how relieved I am that Avian isn't coming off Mary-Sue. I've worked really hard to avoid that, so it's nice hearing that my efforts are paying off. And as far as hearing more about Avian's family, there WILL be more information to come, but as far as how much info will be shared, and what it is about, I'm not entirely sure. I'll see what I can do to put in as much as I can, but things such as flashbacks will be difficult to write about from Levi's perspective, sooo…. We'll see? xD As always, thank you for your praise :3

**Zecrea**: Very good philosophy there! That is one thing about this anime/manga that I love so much. Anything dealing with humanity and morality is very interesting, and seeing how it can be warped or twisted is thought provoking. As we've seen from their little standoff at the end, there will be a battle of wills here and there, so it will be exciting to see where it goes. Also, THAT LITTLE JOKE ABOUT LEVI'S LITERAL CHARACTER GROWTH NEARLY MADE ME CHOKE ON MY TEA IT WAS SO FUNNY. I had tears in my eyes, so congrats on making my day.

Well, I've talked for long enough. Uggh, why do I always write so much oAo Anywho, thank you all once again and as always, please leave your thoughts and comments in a review and I'll see you next Tuesday!

-Ambi :D


	14. Determination

Chapter 14:

**Determination**

For the remainder of the day Avian is resolute in her work, and though I can hear her scuffling and moving around in the other rooms, I do not see her. If she encounters any more spiders, I'm not made aware of it, but there is a suspicious echo of a stomped boot every once in a while. Outside the sound of movement and sweeping, we both work in silence, finishing the floor in around an hour and a half. Only when it is stripped of every granule of dirt and practically shines in the dying evening light, the picture of cleanliness, do I give the order for us to head back downstairs, the woman following softly behind. Much to my expectations, the rest of the castle is perfection, and as we near the first floor to store away our supplies, there is already the smell of something cooking in the air.

'_Good.'_

Having been too busy with getting work done and dealing with Avian's ridiculous actions, I'd completely forgotten just how long it has been since any of us have eaten anything. In an effort to leave as soon as possible, I had opted to leave this morning with only a few cups of coffee to fuel me, which I now realize wasn't that great of a choice. Cleaning took up more time than expected, and having gone most of the day on an empty stomach, I long for anything to quench the dull pain. As if on cue, a strangled sounding gurgle breaks the quiet, and for her sake, I keep myself from staring at the woman, who has suffered a good bit of embarrassment already without this being added to it. Making our way down the first floor hall, voices bounce off the walls, laughter that somehow makes this vast, stone structure not seem so cold. Inside the dining hall, everyone minus Petra waits for us around the large wooden table, the torches lined on the walls bathing the room in a soft orange glow. Upon seeing me, Gunther sits up.

"Everything check out alright, Corporal?"

"They did." I answer and motion to the numerous rags, brushes, and dusters inside the bucket I carry in my hand. "Take these and put them away. You know how they are supposed to go."

He replies by standing from his chair and making his way over to us, taking both Avian's and mine. Before turning, Gunther eyes the woman behind me, giving her a quick glance up and down, brow raised.

"Did you get in a fight with something?" he questions, taking in her filthy form, to which the woman shakes her head.

"No. I only endeavored to make sure I was thorough."

"Well it looks like you succeeded."

With that, the man leaves, heading for a closet on the side of the room. Now unburdened, I take a grateful seat at the table beside Eld and lean back into the chair, satisfied with the day's work. On the other side of the table a few chairs down, Oluo watches as Avian makes her way around to sit, choosing a place beside Eren at the end closest to me.

"So…" the tan haired man begins from Eren's other side, voice arrogant as always. "… how did you survive greenie? You regret joining us yet?"

"No. Why would I regret joining you?" she replies, a look of confusion on her face. "Is there something that I have missed?"

"Well, it's just not often that a person such as yourself makes it through Cleaning day without them wondering what the hell they signed up for. Corporal is pretty brutal, and cleaning is no exception. I just figured you'd give up already." Oluo sneers, taking a sip from his cup. "Here in the Recon Corps, everything is a test to weed out the weak. Only the best of the best are worthy of being part of this squad, and you honestly don't hold much promise."

"I am quite aware of that." Avian responds tightly. "I already surmised that whatever effort I can afford will fall far below your expectations, however, I would not be so quick to cut with your tongue. 'It is often that a person's mouth broke his nose'. I fully intend to work my way into your ranks."

"Now THAT is something I'd like to see."

At this, Oluo leans forward and rests his arms on the table, peering around Eren who can do nothing but watch at the moment. Avian meets his gaze steadily.

"Big talk. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've got a long way to go before you can be considered one of us, kid. You don't look like you've trained a day in your life, and I'll be surprised if you make it through the next few weeks in one piece. Do you even know what you're getting into?"

"I believe to have a general idea…" the woman answers, which only makes Oluo sneer.

"An idea you say, well let me tell you something… We are going to work you so hard you won't have any skin on your bones. This is serious business, so you better do everything Corporal says and try not to die in the middle of it."

"That's enough, Oluo." Eld interjects, eyes hard. "You seem to never remember, but you were a sniffling trainee just like the rest of us once. It's a wonder where you get your cocky attitude from…"

Oluo looks about to reply, but before he can, Gunther calls from behind him on the other side of the room.

"He's right you know." The brown haired man says, closing the closet door and making his way back to us. "I remember a certain cadet, fresh out of training, who soiled himself on his first mission outside the walls."

"WHY WOULD YOU BRING THAT UP AGAIN!?" Oluo cries, turning stark red in the face, and nearly everyone breaks out into snickers.

"Is that true?" Avian asks the boy beside her. "Did he truly soil himself?"

"He did." Eren replies with a grin, earning him a glare from Oluo.

"NOW DON'T YOU GO TELLING HER THAT CRAP! YOU'RE STILL GREEN TOO, REMEMBER!?"

Even in his best efforts to look and sound intimidating, not a single soldier pays him much mind, and Oluo is left with nothing else to do than grumble and turn his face away. Just behind me, the door to the kitchen opens and Petra's voice calls out.

"Are you bothering Avian again, Oluo!? Just what is your problem!?"

The older man ignores her, but she steps out anyway, walking to the table to cross her arms at him.

"You sure have a lot of attitude when it comes to her and Eren. As far as I'm concerned, they both have every right to be with us, so you can just hush up!"

Oluo makes some kind of retort, but I quit paying attention. No matter what is going on, it always seems those two are at each other's throats, and I honestly couldn't care less about their bickering. The arrogant man does have a point though. It is true that Avian isn't soldier material, and it's going to take a hell of a lot of work and punishment to mould her into an asset for humanity, but I don't have any doubts in my ability to do so. I take a moment to study her as she speaks to Eren, listening to him intently. She is small, weak, and has no muscle mass from what I can tell. I fully believe that she's never done any sort of training or regulated exercise a day in her life, but that isn't to say that she's lazy. Her work with cleaning the fourth floor is proof enough that she is more than capable of hard work. When I think about it, it's more a matter of discipline that we need to work on. She's getting better with following orders while here, but there is no guarantee she'll act the same while in the heat of combat. The woman is still too emotionally driven.

'_I'll fix that.'_

Lost in my own thoughts, time passes quickly. At some point, Petra became fed up with Oluo and went back in the kitchen to finish her cooking. In the meantime, Everyone else holds conversation among themselves; Gunther and Eld chat idly about missions long past while Eren and Avian speak about everything from his days as a trainee to Avian's time spent learning how to trap as a child. Only Oluo keeps his mouth shut, which is a nice change. Eventually, though, even he can't stay silent and joins with the two older men, albeit a lot calmer this time around. It isn't long before the talking slows as Petra reenters the room, bringing with her a large glass pan filled to the brim. Joining together in mutual hunger, everyone including myself put all conversation aside in favor of the casserole in front of us. From then on, nothing else happens: we eat, finish, clean up, then head to our respective sleeping quarters, silvery moonlight shining through every open window. Soon, there is nothing but the sound of crickets singing in the cool night.

….

Morning comes early, and I find myself in the dining room once again, sitting alone with a warm cup of coffee to keep me company. It's the dawn of Avian's first day of training, and as I take a tentative sip, I ponder at just how these next few hours will go. I've already planned in advance just what her routine shall be, and if all goes well, the woman will struggle to even stand by the day's end. Borrowing from the schedule that the instructors use on fresh recruits, the next few weeks will focus on building her body and strengthening her stamina, as well as her reflexes among other traits. It's strenuous, exhausting, and just the thing she needs to get her into shape. Just as the thought crosses my mind, another pair of light footsteps sound down the hall, and a few moments later, Avian appears fully dressed in a customary fresh pair of trousers and a blouse. Room still dark thanks to all the torches having been put out the night before, and the dawn light not quite bright enough to illuminate the room fully, she wanders over to the table seemingly unaware of my presence. Apparently still heavy with sleep, she takes a seat in the first chair she comes to, the one farthest from me on the opposite side, and leans back, closing her eyes. I think for a moment that she falls asleep, but she doesn't. Instead, a soft hum escapes her lips, its melody reverberating off the stone walls around us. I take another sip of coffee as she continues her tune, deciding to not rob her of her moment of peace. Much like yesterday, I catch myself concentrating on the sound, slightly enjoying its light melody. This goes on for several minutes, me listening and her passing time, completely unaware of her unnoticed audience. Eventually, she comes to a stop and sits up, looking a lot more awake now. Without much of a sound, she stands and walks around the table, possibly to head to the kitchen, and just as she gets near enough, I speak.

"You're early."

At my voice, the woman jumps, her hand automatically flying to that necklace she always hides under the collar of her shirt. Her cheeks turn a very light shade of pink when she catches my eye, and deep embarrassment floods her features.

"C.. Corporal! I was unaware you were here." She stutters, unclenching her hand and returning it to her side. "I apologize for not noticing you earlier."

I merely shrug, taking another sip of coffee.

"You were half asleep."

The woman nods slightly, the pink tingle gradually dying away.

"I am a bit sluggish to waken."

"There is coffee in a pot in the kitchen." I state, nodding with my head to the room behind me.

At that, Avian blinks at me with a slightly perplexed look.

"Coffee? I've never heard of such a thing. Is it a drink?"

Once again, I'm taken aback by this woman's lack of knowledge. Exactly like the other night with the bread, I once again find something that is commonplace to me, but foreign to her.

'_I might as well go ahead and get used to this.'_

I consider the woman for a moment before replying.

"It is. It'll help you wake up."

She looks at me for a second longer, thinking over my words, then disappears behind me. A minute later, she returns with a small cup of her own and takes a seat next to me. The woman stares down at the drink in her hands with skeptical look.

"It smells nice, but it appears very much like muddied lake water." She frowns.

"Just shut up and drink it once it cools down."

She gives me a glance but says nothing more, contenting herself with blowing the steam off. The room falls into quiet once again as we sit, the ginger patiently waiting for her coffee to cool while I finish my own. As time drags on, I tire of the silence and slide my gaze over to the woman once again.

"What has you up this early?"

The woman shrugs.

"Anticipation woke me." She says simply.

I raise a brow at her.

"You know, everything Oluo told you last night was true. That isn't something most people would look forward to."

"Well… I guess I'm just different from most people."

I watch her as she swirls her drink in her hand absentmindedly.

"I apologize if it sounds strange to you…" she continues, "…but I do not view work as you may view it. When I was younger, work was the main activity that kept me active, that gave me something to do during those long days. Not to mention that everything I did was to help my parents. Even back then, I understood just how hard they toiled to care for me and my brothers. With just the two of them, everything was made from scratch: our clothes, our food, shoes, furniture… Whatever we needed, my mother and father had to make. I remember spending many hours with a needle in my hands as I learned and eventually assisted my mother in making all of our shirts and pants. And on certain projects, my father would take the time to teach me basic carpentry, letting me help him carve slabs of wood into boards and sand them down so they can be made into tables and chairs or whatever else we needed. It's because of him that I know how to wield a gouge and chisel."

She pauses for a moment, her hands standing still.

"It was a lot of difficult work, and even at a young age, I strove to do whatever I could to lighten their burdens. Perhaps it is different for your people, perhaps not."

"Not really." I answer causally, Avian turning her eyes on me. "It just depends on who you ask. There are many of those who are content with sitting on their asses, ordering people around as they grow fat off the delicacies most of us have never even heard of. Then there are some who only put up with work because they have no other choice. It's either that or starve."

The woman nods, absorbing every word.

"But even with all that, there are a few who put their all into what they do, who work for the sake of others. Commander Erwin is one such man." I continue, Avian's eyes lighting up in interest. "He's dedicated his life to helping humanity fight back against the titans, and he works day and night to try and see it happen."

"It sounds like you admire him greatly."

I blink, halting for a moment and gaze at the woman.

"What makes you say that?" I question offhandedly, lightly crossing my arms.

"I can just… tell." She answers. "The way you talk about him, and the tone of your voice… it sounds almost grateful. That, and the fact that he is your superior helps as well."

I watch her, mildly surprised by her accuracy.

"Quite observant, aren't you?"

She shrugs again.

"I have to be."

'_True enough.'_ I think, and decide to leave it at that.

With a final glance, I nod to the long forgotten cup in her hands.

"Drink. It's probably cold by now."

Jerking into motion, the woman's cheeks once again turn pink, and before I can stop her, she hurriedly gulps the entire cup down. Almost instantly, she begins to cough as all that caffeine enters her system, and the woman shakes her head to clear it. I watch her with equal parts of passive amusement and irritation.

"Coffee is meant to be sipped, you know." I state flatly, to which the woman coughs again, placing her empty cup roughly on the table.

"I _***cough* **_see now." She struggles, taking a deep breath to try and stifle her fit. "I believe I shall stick with _***cough***_ tea, thank you."

And just like that, she went from being a mature, philosophical young woman to an awkward, blundering idiot in the span of a few seconds.

'_Must be one of her natural talents.'_ I muse, leaving the woman to her floundering as I refill my own cup.

…..

Unlike the previous day, this one is not as cool or breezy; there is hardly a cloud in the sky to shade us from the sun's relentless rays, and the wind is mostly still, leaving the air stagnant and heavy. It's pretty miserable, but that doesn't stop me from braving the heat, stoically watching Avian make her seventh lap around the castle, her small form gasping for breath.

"Three more to go, Conner! Don't tell me this is all you've got!" I shout to her as she goes by, already exhausted but still pushing on.

Just as I expected, this training schedule is taking everything that the woman can offer. It's mid-day now, and we've been going since early this morning: running laps, performing numerous strengthening exercises focusing on different parts of the body, more running, more exercises, and now even more running. Truth be told, I'm surprised the woman hasn't dropped yet as hard as I've been pushing her. As Avian disappears around the distant corner of the castle, I fold my arms and wait for her to come back around, pondering her meager efforts. A good deal of everything we have done is to give me the chance to see just where her abilities fall, where she is weakest or strongest, and it's not looking promising. As it has been demonstrated before, the woman has no endurance once so ever, quickly becoming exhausted well before the rest of my squad, all of whom offered to train with her. Where they can easily complete a full set of fifty of various exercises, whether it be pushups, squats, lunges, curls, etc., Avian struggles with every push and motion. It became quickly apparent that, while her legs are nowhere near as strong as they should be, they are her strongest asset, if it can even be called that.

'_It's pathetic.'_

If her legs can be considered pathetic, then any strength that hides in the rest of her miniscule body is practically nonexistent. I don't believe I've ever met someone so overwhelmingly feeble with arms that look as if they could break under the weight she tries to pick up. She actually reminds me of Krista Lenz and Armin Arlert, both of whom are build like damn daffodils. It's a wonder they survived those three years of training, but somehow, they did, and I'm going to make sure Avian is no exception. Behind me I hear my squad shuffle and talk in hushed voices from where they wait a few yards away, having finished their laps long ago. Someone moves, making their way to me, but I keep my eyes on the castle ahead, watching out for the woman to reappear.

"What are we to do after this, Corporal?" Eren asks, coming to stand beside me.

I give him a quick side glance, noting just how filthy he is, then return to looking ahead.

"Rest. After I make sure the idiot doesn't keel over, we'll work on sparring."

The teen blinks.

"I'm sorry if this is out of line, but is such a thing really necessary? I know we had sparring sessions back in training, but I never really understood the purpose of it."

"Firstly," I begin flatly, "every soldier needs to learn how to fight. That is the basis of what we are hired to do. Second, sparring helps hone reflexes, tones the body, and helps promote quick decision making and evaluation. The tide of battle can shift in a fraction of a second, and in a fight, one needs to take in the situation and react quickly, otherwise they'll be killed. Learning how to think clearly and swiftly can save your life, as well as someone else's."

Eren nods, suddenly understanding.

"I never thought about that, but it makes sense. It might help her fight better when she's in titan form too."

"It very well could." I reply, spying the woman as she rounds the far corner a great distance away from me, feet dragging.

Eren frowns slightly at her, following her with his eyes.

"She isn't doing that great, is she?" he states simply.

"Great? Her performance is damn pathetic."I scowl harshly. "Never seen anything so terrible."

A cheerless expression crosses his face, knowing my words to be true, and says nothing. The woman is closing in on us now, and I can tell that she's had it. She'll very well pass out if she continues. With a great sigh, I call her over.

"That's enough! You're done!"

She gives me a quick glance as she comes to a stop, just to make sure that she heard right, and falls thankfully to her knees, breathing heavily. Her expression is slightly pained with more than just the ache of tired muscles, and though she doesn't say so aloud, I can see a burning in her eyes that only comes to someone who knows they didn't meet the expectations placed on them. It's a look of self disapproval that I pretend not to notice.

"You've got five minutes." I tell her, to which she nods slightly, moving so that she sits on the grass, legs laid out before her.

She doesn't move from that spot as her five minutes tick by, and soon enough, I order her to rise again. Sun burning hot and bright in the blue sky above us, I motion for everyone to come together, taking a look at each before continuing.

"Now we'll practice sparing. Eld and Oluo…" I say, nodding to each, "You are one pair. Petra and Gunther, you're another. Eren, you will be with Avian and myself."

Knowing that they need neither supervision or instruction, I wave the senior members away, and both pairs pick a spot several yards away. Without a word, I motion for Eren and Avian to follow me, and I lead them to a nice spot a distance away.

"Since I'm positive you've never been taught how to fight," I begin, addressing the woman. "Eren will instruct you on basic arm position. Think you can handle that?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good."

"But Corporal…" Eren pipes up. "…I'm not sure I can teach her… I mean, I wasn't that great back in training. I learned a move or two from Annie, but…"

I silence him with a hard glare.

"That's fine. You can both work on your shitty performances so I can watch and see just how awful you are."

Eren looks like he wants to add to his plea, but when my steely gaze doesn't waver, he shuts up, turning hesitantly to the woman who looks just as unsure as he does.

"Well, I guess we'll start with holding your arms." Eren states finally. "You need to make sure that you have both your arms in a place where you can defend your face and body, like this."

At that, the teen raises his arms so they rest perpendicular to the ground, just outside either side of his head, fists clenched.

"Make sure you keep your forearms straight and solid, with one arm slightly ahead of the other." He demonstrates, the woman copying his stance. "Defending is easy. Just use your forearms to deflect any attacks away from you on either side of your body. If they hit you from the left, use your right arm. If they come at you from your right, use the left. Simple."

Eren takes a step closer, slightly adjusting Avian's arm placement, then steps back again.

"Better, now use your arms to block and push away my hits."

Eren begins throwing slow, easy to follow fists at her, alternating between left and right, allowing the woman to practice blocking and deflecting. Every few throws, Eren speeds up just a hair, increasing pace until, both he and the woman move almost together like a strange dance, and after a while, Eren nods.

"See? It's not hard to get." He says, stopping, the woman following his example. "Defending is easy, but attacking is a bit harder. When you throw a punch, you need to move your entire arm forward so you get the most power you can behind it."

Eren demonstrates the new move in slow motion, and this too, the woman copies albeit uncertain. As I watch, the next ten minutes are pretty boring as Eren slowly shows Avian different punches, hooks, and jabs, the woman looking slightly ridiculous trying to copy him. They practice the different motions many times one by one, and though Avian seems to get the motions down, her stance lacks any sort of power and fluidity, appearing very awkward and jerky, especially with her toothpick arms. After a while, having gone through several sets with each arm, Eren takes a step back and raises his arms just as he showed her.

"Now practice on me." He says, and Avian looks at him.

"I do not wish to harm you…" she begins, to which Eren shakes his head.

"I'll be fine. You're not that strong yet, so you probably won't hurt me anyway. Just try."

Avian stares at him for a moment longer looking very uncertain, then gingerly raises her arms. Without much effort, she punches, her small fist bouncing off Eren's forearm harmlessly. Eren nods to her.

"Again."

And so Avian does with her other arm, it bouncing off as well. She does it, again and again, and with each hit, my frown deepens. I realize that she's about as strong as wet paper, but it's obvious that she isn't giving it her all, which perplexes me. Subpar or not, she's always done her best up until this point, so what is the problem now? Is she afraid of hurting him? Surly she knows that such a thing isn't possible yet, but as I watch, I notice her eyes betray something interesting. Instead of being determined as they always have before, they are subdued, and almost fearful.

'_Fearful of what?'_

The more I watch her, the more I come to the conclusion that it isn't Eren she is afraid of. Every now and again, her eyes will dash to me, then just as quickly dash away, and I suddenly understand. It isn't Eren she's afraid of, it's me. With comprehension, I realize that the reason she isn't doing well is possibly because she's afraid of failing, of looking like a fool, just as she had been when she had to stop before completing all her laps. She made it clear that night when she vowed her commitment to me that she is very self-conscious of her weakness, so to avoid looking like a complete idiot by trying her hardest and failing, she isn't trying at all.

'_Well if that isn't the dumbest thing….'_

She's way too concerned about how she appears that she's completely ignoring the entire purpose of coming out here. The longer I watch, the more fed up I become of her sheepish behavior, which was just fine yesterday. What happened? What changed? Is it because this is something completely new and foreign to her? Possibly. Most everything else inside these walls that is common place to us is like a brand new world to the woman. Everything from our government and our military, to simple things like food and clothing are all new experiences that have left her feeling out of place and awkward. Learning how to fight is no different.

'_But that is no excuse.' _I muse. _'She's cheesing her way out of it without even trying to give her all. At this rate, she'll learn absolutely nothing. Perhaps with a little motivation…'_

A thought crosses my mind, and I ponder over whether it would even work. In the end, I decide that it's worth a shot for a couple reasons. One: It might actually work, and two: A twinge of curiosity about just how she would react tugs at me. Before I give it too much thought, I raise my hand and stop Eren and Avian, both turning to look at me.

"This is getting you nowhere." I state, boring my eyes into the woman. "What is the point of even practicing if you're not going to try? All you're doing right now is wasting my damn time."

The ginger looks slightly taken aback, and a tinge of embarrassment and shame crosses her face, alerting me that she knows she is cheating herself, yet does nothing about it. She casts her eyes down as I take a few steps forward so I stand directly in front of her, and she keeps them there for a long time. Beside me, Eren watches in fascination, eyes darting between the woman and me, apparently waiting for something to happen. But nothing does, instead I stand silent and unmoving, waiting for the woman to finally work up the courage to look at me. It takes a few moments, but with deliberate slowness, she moves, and her eyes connect with mine. I hold her there, bearing my hard gaze into hers, watching uncertainty, embarrassment, and a twinge of determination battle for dominance over her features. What must it be like to feel so afraid of failing in front of someone who knows exactly how things are supposed to be done? Perhaps I expect too much from her too soon, but even as I think that, I know that it has to be done. How else will she learn? And there is no way in hell I'm going to baby her like she's some idiotic child. She may ACT like one at times, but I'm highly aware of the great intelligence hiding just beneath the surface, and I can see it burning behind every other emotion that burdens her gaze. And so, with my mind set and having finally gained the woman's attention, I take up a fighting stance and, without so much as a warning, strike my right fist forward like a bolt of lightning. The woman utters a gasp and instinctually takes a step back, my fist narrowly missing her as it swings by.

'_You act heavily upon instinct, so let's see just how good your instincts are.'_

Without relent I push forward, swinging a left hook, to which the woman dodges again, just able to duck below my strike. Her eyes stare wide with alarm at me, momentarily distracted. Taking advantage of her shock, I use the momentum from my hook to swivel on my right leg, using the force to swing my left leg up in an arc, and the woman barely has time to lifts her forearms, just as Eren showed her, to protect the side of her head before my shin connects, sending her reeling onto the ground.

"What's the matter, Conner?" I say, lifting my leg again and stomp down, Avian just able to roll away and jump to her feet.

I follow her with my eyes, and the woman looks so astounded and unclear of what to do it's almost laughable. I frown.

"Did you already forget what you were taught? Perhaps if you had given Eren your full attention, you'd be able to stop me." I continue, jabbing my fist at her face.

She dodges again, and with each strike I make she evades, moving left and right, but she never has time to reply, nor does she make any attempt to strike back. I don't let up my attack. Left, right, right again, kick, punch, double jab, hook… I throw everything I have at her, and it takes all that she has to avoid me. I'm honestly surprised by just how swift she is, able to weave and duck without injury, but even as I say that, her movements are beginning to grow sluggish as her exhaustion catches up with her.

"Come on, Conner! Fight back!" I yell, throwing a quick right hook.

Just as before, Avian is able to dodge the brunt of it, but I can feel my knuckles just brush her skin. Her breathing is becoming labored, but she doesn't reply.

"This is what you wanted, wasn't it!?" I pressure, pushing her steadily back, unrelenting. "You wanted to become a soldier and prove all those dumbasses in that courtroom wrong. Well here's your chance! Quick running away like a little bitch and fight me!"

I can see my plan working. If I pressure her and antagonize her enough, she'll eventually get fed up and push back, and even as I narrowly miss her with a kick, I see the beginning spark of determination burn in her eyes.

"I don't wish to harm you…" she utters, but I quickly shut her down, just catching her jaw with a fist.

"As if you could hurt me. You're weak, pathetic… You couldn't even begin to hurt me if you tried. That's why we're here! You want to be a soldier so bad? Well start acting like it! Fight me!"

I keep on, throwing punches and jabs at her, slowly watching the spark grow brighter and brighter. At last I narrow my eyes, spying my moment, and using my entire body, I reel back and launch a strong hook aimed right for her face. Like a flip of a switch, Avian's eyes grow hard with blue fire, and I know that I've done all I need. The next second passes, slow and fast at the same time, so much happening in such a short span of time. My hook curves for her, nearly reaching its destination, but before it can, Avian's arm dashes up and blocks it, just as she was taught. I immediately follow with a swift uppercut aimed for her chin, and in her eyes, a visible decision is made. Avian's gaze pierces mine as she pushes my arm away with her right, and at the same time, her left arm rises to stop my uppercut in its tracks. Slick as oil, she slides her left arm down, grabbing my wrist in an iron grip, side steps, and jerks it past her, pulling me toward her. Due to her light body, her pull doesn't have that much power behind it so I'm able to stop myself easily, but before I can create distance between us, I see cock her right arm back to her ear in my peripheral. And just like that, she strikes. Even though I expect it, her strike is just too quick, even for me. I only have just enough time to see that instead of making a fist, her fingers instinctively flex like claws as if she's fighting in titan form, and I'm barely able to move my head away before she hits me just across the cheek bone. It's not very hard, but the hit is strong enough to cause me to step back. Her eyes blaze with purpose and resolve when she stares at me, but in the next moment, her gaze shifts to my left cheek just as I start to feel something drip slowly down, and her fire completely dies, replaced by a look of utter mortification. With that, she stops wide eyed, forcing me to stop as well.

"I'm SO SORRY." She says, looking genuinely shocked.

I can only stare at her as a few drops of blood leisurely slide down my face. That strong willed woman that had bested me only a second before has vanished, and I ponder over just how quickly her demeanor changed. Avian's eyes are large as she watches me, looking as if she expects a rebuke of some kind, then glances down at her offending hand, the tips of her fingers slightly red with blood from where her nails tore into my skin. She looks shocked at her instinctual reaction.

"I'm so sorry." She repeats, looking at me. "I, I didn't know that, I mean… I know I'm not in titan form but still… I cut you… I…"

I raise a hand to stop her fumbling speech.

"You acted on instinct." I say flatly, leveling my eyes on her. "And that's exactly what I was hoping for. Don't apologize for fighting back the only way you know how."

Avian stares, perplexed by my answer, and she relaxes slightly, letting down her guard. I mentally smirk.

'_Just as I predicted.'_ I think, and take a lazy, sauntered step toward her, acting relaxed.

"Honestly, I wasn't expecting you to be so swift. Not bad, Conner."

At my praise, the woman's expression lightens up a bit, stunned by such positive feedback. I take another lazy step closer.

"There is one thing you are forgetting though…" I continue, casting a bored eye at her.

A shadow of confusion crosses her face, but she doesn't ponder it for long, because in the next instant, I move. In a flash, I shift and the heel of my boot crashes right into the center of her chest, and I hear a whoosh as air is forced from her lungs. The force of my kick sends her reeling backwards to sprawl on her back, and in the next moment, I'm on top of her. Kneeling just above her middle, I pin her down with my body; my left shin forcing one arm to the ground, right boot trapping the other, left forearm pushing against her collarbone, holding her there. By then, my right fist is already cocked by my ear as Avian stares up at me with utter shock, gasping for air. Her eyes only find mine for a fraction of a second before I let my fist fly, and she instinctually clenches her eyes shut, bracing for impact. I originally thought of following all the way through, but at the last possible moment, I stop. My fist rests in the air just above her left cheekbone, so close that I feel her skin on my knuckles, and I hold it there. Avian doesn't move, but as seconds tick by and nothing happens, she twitches and cautiously opens her eyes. Her gaze automatically centers on my fist, and once again her blue eyes grow large as she realizes what just happened. She's so stunned that all she does is stare, first at my fist, then at me, eyes gazing into mine with great intensity. I hold her gaze just as strongly and lean forward so my forearm keeps her pinned to the ground and I can get in real close.

"…the fight isn't over until you know you've won." I finish finally, leaning in so close that my bangs actually brush her forehead.

Avian stares up at me in unmoving silence, and I swear something passes between us in those few moments, though I can't even begin to understand just what that something is. At last when I'm sure that she's got the point, I sit up and get off her. Behind me, someone shuffles up, and I turn to see Eren looking at both of us just as wide eyed as the woman. I had forgotten the brat was even there. Before he can say a word, I raise my hand.

"She should fight back now." I state simply, making sure my expression is as flat and unreadable as usual, and retake my spot a few feet away to supervise. "We aren't done. Keep on going until I tell you to stop."

"Y… Yes, Corporal." The teen answers, moving to help the woman who is just now beginning to sit up, but I raise my hand again.

"Don't help her. She can get up on her own."

Eren looks at me but says nothing, staying in place as Avian gingerly rises to her feet, doing her best to take control of her slight wheezing. It takes a few moments, but eventually it returns to normal, and with a silent nod from me, she takes her place a few feet in front of Eren, raising her arms in front of her.

"Now I don't want to see either of you hold back, otherwise I'll kick the shit out of you. Understood?" I order sternly, and both nod.

Surprisingly, the ginger's expression has changed; looking more like the dignified, resolute woman I've come to recognize, and I know that I won't have to worry about her shriveling up like some frail little child ever again. Taking a clean dust cloth from the pocket of my dress shirt, I watch as they begin again, actually sparring this time around, and wipe the blood off my face. In truth, having lived in that shitty underground city for so long in my youth I've grown used to pain, so the injury doesn't hurt at all aside from a dull stinging,

'_Ruined a perfectly good cloth though.'_ I frown, glancing at the stained rag in my hand before balling it up and returning it to my pocket.

From there, I do nothing but watch as Eren and Avian practice, the woman picking up on the teen's fighting style relatively quickly. They jab, dodge, sidestep, jab again, all in a kind of dance just as before, and even though she is still new and far more inexperienced, the ginger manages to land a couple solid blows, even if they are weak in strength. Before I know it, an hour passes, and by the looks of it, the woman's day is already done. They have been going nonstop since I kicked some sense into her, and if she was tired back then, she is absolutely exhausted now. Her entire body is covered in sweat and dirt from where she has been thrown and tripped, and with each fall her breathing becomes heavier and she is slower to rise. Even now as she moves her body out of the way, Eren's punch flying by, her movements are sluggish. Unperturbed by his miss, Eren quickly corrects himself, using the momentum of his strike to swing his leg low to the ground and swipes Avian's legs out from under her. The woman lands on her back with a thud, panting with effort and doesn't even bother trying to get up again.

'_It's not a full day, but I guess she's put in enough work. Can't beat her up too bad lest she be useless come tomorrow.'_

Uncrossing my arms, I make my way over to them as Eren stoops down to offer his hand, to which Avian accepts gratefully, and he pulls her up on her feet.

"That's enough." I say as I reach them, both turning. "Get yourselves cleaned up. Dinner will be ready in two hours."

Both Eren and Avian grin, their smiles almost identical, and together they come to attention and make a solid salute.

"Yes, sir!"

…..

And so, in what seems like only a few hours, two weeks go by, every day the same as the next: we rise early to full cups of coffee, or in Avian's case tea, we move on to training, alternating between running and exercising, and finish the day with sparring. With each new day the woman earns herself more sore muscles, more breath knocked out of her, more bruises to dot her skin, and with each passing day, her performance steadily improves. She still isn't even close to being where she needs too, but with each training session she completes her laps a little bit quicker, her body becomes a little bit stronger, her punches and jabs become a little bit quicker. She no longer holds back, and as I watch her, I begin to see the soldier hiding just beneath the skin. Despite what Eren says, he is a good teacher, and despite what Avian said in my dream so long ago, the woman makes a good student. Even Oluo can't find much to complain about because he is just as impressed by her progress as the rest of my team, all of whom offer great deals of advice and support. Through all her hard work and determination, she is finally proving that she can grasp anything given to her.

'_Everything except one…'_

It isn't so much that she doesn't grasp it, it's more along the lines of something she isn't really meant to grasp. Over the course of the past weeks, her technique and fighting skill have improved greatly, having put those quick reflexes to use. However, as I've studied her fighting, it's not difficult to notice that the style just can't work for her. Her body is so small and her frame so light, all of her traditional offensive moves such as punches and jabs are rendered ineffective. It isn't because of a fault on her part, it's just that the style Eren is teaching her was developed for people with height and weight to throw around. Due to the style focusing on outright strength most of the time, whatever solid hits she lands just bounce right off, her arms not strong enough to do damage. No matter how hard she seems to try, nothing works. Even techniques designed to use an opponent's power and strength against them do not work. She'll be able to slide her foot behind Eren's and use his forward momentum to try and trip him over, but without the body mass to put behind it, the teen is always able to stop himself with a solid foot and retaliate, throwing the woman to the ground. Even after two weeks of diligent training, this is the only part that she struggles with, and though Avian tries to hide it, her lack of progress bothers her. She's too small to use straight up strength, and too short to redirect attacks, which leaves me with a problem.

'_Is there a fighting style developed specifically for women? Would such a thing even exist? Probably not.'_

With a sigh, I withdraw the damp towel from my head and lean back in my chair, letting the drying cloth dangle from my fingers. It's just before sunset on our fifteenth night here, and even though it is still light outside, my head aches and I yearn for sleep. Not even a bath has eased my head or brought on any brilliant ideas regarding Avian's problem. Contrary to popular belief, even though I work the woman half to death, leaving her so exhausted that some days she forgoes dinner to catch up on rest, I don't want to see her give up. Unlike certain people in the inner walls who are afraid of her power, I WANT her to succeed, to be able to handle herself. That is the whole reason why we are here. And yet, something has to disrupt that success. The more I think about it, the more my head aches, and it's driving me up a damn wall.

'_I'll just leave it for now.' _I sigh, admitting temporary defeat. _'Gunther probably finished cooking long ago.'_

Pushing the problem to the back of my mind, I draw myself out of the chair and put on fresh pair of black trousers and a light tan shirt, taking time to make sure my cravat is in place before heading out of my room. It is quiet on my way downstairs to the dining room, and inside is much the same. Just as I predicted, Gunther finished dinner a while ago; He, Petra, Eld, and Oluo sit at the table softly talking, each of their plates empty. Eren is out of sight.

"Hey there Corp." Gunther greets, always the first one to spot me as I enter. "There is some soup left in the kitchen. I made a bit too much, so take all you want. Eren already ate and went upstairs."

I nod to acknowledge him, going to grab my share but before I reach the door, I stop and turn back around. I make a quick scan of the near empty room, and just as I thought, there is one person missing.

"Where's Avian?"

At my question, Petra shrugs.

"She hasn't come down yet. "she answers. "I just figured she went straight to bed. Today was extra rough on her."

"Probably so." Gunther adds, "Honestly, the past four or five days she's looked pretty wiped out. Hope she isn't coming down sick."

"I doubt it. We cleaned this place from top to bottom, and I'll be damned if anyone gets sick." Oluo grunts, taking a sip from his cup. "If she gets ill from anything, it'll be because of that damn horse. All she does is talk to it and groom it when she isn't training."

Petra raises a brow at him.

"I don't think people get sick from horses, Oluo. Quick making up lies."

"I'm not lying! Do you not see how dirty that thing is!? The brute is so stupid all it does is roll in the grass all day."

Petra looks so exasperated by him that she doesn't even say anything, instead she rests her head in her hand, fingers rubbing her temple.

"I'm serious!" Oluo continues, but before he can say more, Eld shakes his head.

"Let it go. It's not a big deal."

For once, Oluo complies, resorting to mumbling to himself. Ignoring him, Eld leans around the tan haired man to look at me.

"Did you want me to go get Avian?"

"No. I'll get her." I answer, to which Eld nods, leaning forward again to say something to Gunther.

With nothing else to say, I exit the room again and make my way down the hall, silently wondering over what Gunther had said.

'_So it wasn't only me who noticed her weakness.'_

It is true that over the past few days, Avian's energy seems to have dropped. She works just as hard as she always does, but her body doesn't hold as much strength as before, and a light dusting of shadow has appeared under her eyes. It isn't severe enough to warrant suspicion, but her performance has dwindled, which is never any good.

'_Whatever it is that is ailing her, it needs to stop.'_

Making my way back up to the third floor where the sleeping quarters are located, I walk all the way down to the last room on the right and knock on its closed wooden door. Nothing happens, so I knock again. Still nothing. Frowning, I turn the knob and look inside, and I'm surprised to find the space empty.

'_Where the hell is she?'_

Closing it back, I make my way to the fourth floor, but that too is empty, as well as the second, and the first. There isn't even a sign of her outside, Stonewall tied away in the stables with all the other horses, much to the woman and horse's displeasure. No matter where I look, the ginger is just nowhere to be found, and I'm beginning to grow frustrated.

'_I will NOT play hide and seek with this woman.'_

Scowling heavily, I lean my head back and stare at the dying sky in frustration, but just as I'm about to head back inside, something moves out of my peripheral. With a blink, I center my gaze upon the very top of the castle and watch. Nothing happens, but after a few seconds, a shadow appears, moving near the edge of the roof, then disappears again, and I suddenly realize just where the woman has been hiding.

'_Goofing off if I had to guess.'_

Frowning, I make my way back inside and up all four flights of stairs, then up an extra flight to reach the roof. Once there, and not too thrilled about having to climb the whole damn castle to find her, I open the door and find none other than the woman I'm looking for, standing near the middle of the empty roof. She's just stands there looking off into the distance, not noticing my presence, and I start to make my way to her. Just as I do, however, Avian moves like a flash, arms shooting out in rapid succession ahead of her before she suddenly stops, arms resting in front of her face. I stop, a bit perplexed, and watch as she does it again, and I realize that the woman is shadowboxing. There is no opponent, but she shoots her fists out, alternating between jabs, punches, hooks, and uppercuts, attacking her invisible target with great speed. But even with all her speed, she doesn't need to hit something for me to see that, even with as much effort as she puts behind every strike, they all lack that snapping power that only comes with strength. She tries again, throwing more rapid punches into the air, but her technique lacks the muscle to be truly effective and, with a great sigh, Avian stops. Her thin arms fall limp to her sides with defeat, and her posture seems to wilt against the color of the setting sun, making her more of a shadow than a person.

'_She missed dinner to practice.'_

I'm filled with a slight wonder at her perseverance, almost impressed, but that feeling is immediately quenched when I see the look on her face. It is still covered in sweat and dirt from the day's training, her hair clinging to her forehead and cheeks, but her expression… I'm a tad startled at how dejected she looks, eyes cast downward in submission. I expect her to pick back up again, but she doesn't. She just stands unmoving, staring at the stones under her feet. Cautiously, I step toward her. She's so lost in her own thoughts that see doesn't notice me until I'm almost in front of her, but when she does she jumps just like I've come to expect. The next moment, she sighs and lowers her hand from where it automatically flew to clasp the necklace ornament hidden beneath the collar of her shirt.

"You're easy to startle." I begin bluntly, watching her.

Avian frowns slightly in reply.

"I apologize… I do not mean to react in such a way, but I presume even after all this time, I'm still unaccustomed to people."

She doesn't meet my eyes, instead turning to look out to the vast expanse of grassy hills that surround the castle, the sun sinking low on the horizon. The orange and purple sunset casts a soft beam on everything in sight, bathing the castle in dying autumn light and making the woman's skin glow. A very supple breeze plays with our clothes and hair, and her ginger locks glint with flecks of gold.

"I assume someone sent for me after I did not attend dinner?" she asks, casting a quick glance to me.

"Yes. I did." I answer, studying her. "But you seemed to be too busy to let anyone know you weren't eating."

"I know. I did not think to let them know I wouldn't be coming."

I consider her for a moment, seeing if she will add to her statement, but when she doesn't I decide to elaborate for her.

"You were practicing." I state simply, and the woman shifts just the slightest amount.

"So you saw…." She replies, staring at the ground. "I guess it is to be expected. I was practicing, but it all seems futile."

At this, a flash of heat crosses her gaze and her eyes narrow.

"I curse this diminutive physique! I have tolerated whatever situations and predicaments my stature has brought upon me up to this point, but I will not stand for this!"

With great energy, the lifts her hands to motion in the air as she speaks, angered and hurt at the same time.

"What is it that I am doing wrong!? I have given myself extra practice for several nights to try and rectify whatever problem besieges me, but nothing seems to change. It just doesn't feel right, and I don't understand why."

I raise a brow at her sudden outburst, having never seen her so frustrated before, but something in her words clicks.

"You've been practicing extra every night?" I ask, to which the woman nods.

"For several hours some nights."

'_No wonder she's been looking so exhausted this past week.' _I think, suddenly understanding.

"I have been putting in my best effort, truly I have." She continues, looking at me. "But it seems no matter how hard I try, my body doesn't seem to wish to cooperate. Am I just this frail? Even after all the work I have put in, this is the best I have to offer?"

Her voice sounds so disappointed in herself, and I think I begin to see traces of wetness in her eyes.

"Perhaps this is all a mistake…" she whispers, looking down.

"It's not."

At my voice, she returns her eyes to mine, and I watch as a play of emotions run through her features as she studies my stoic face.

"You're performance may be overwhelmingly mediocre, but you being here isn't a mistake." I continue and the woman looks genuinely surprised, eyes gazing in wonder. "We need only figure out something that works better."

"But what? I've tried everything and the only conclusion I have found is that I simply lack the qualifications. I'm just not meant to be here."

She's about to continue, but I hit her with a piercing glare that is a lot sharper than I intended it to be.

"Say that one more time and I'll have you run double laps tomorrow." I growl, and the woman rightfully falls silent. "If I believed you weren't fit for this, I would have kicked you out long ago, so shut up."

Avian stares at me but says nothing more on the subject. Instead, she casts her eyes back to the horizon.

"What do you propose we do?"

I cross my arms and ponder her question, unsure of the answer myself. I've tried thinking of every type of style I know, and none of them would work for her case, not even the martial arts that Annie uses would work. Avian simply isn't strong enough, and since Eren's style is heavily based off some of her moves, it's doubly useless. Beside me, the ginger shifts, wearing a look of concentration.

"There must be something. Is there not a style made to take advantage of the body's natural weaknesses?"

I turn to her in interest.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that everything in this world has at least one weak point that can be exploited. Perhaps there are certain areas of the body that can be targeted for major damage, such as the joints or major organs?"

"Breaking joints might be possible, but to take someone down by aiming at vital organs is not only difficult, but takes great strength and a weapon of some sort…" I answer slowly, but a thought begins to itch at the back of my mind.

'_There's something obvious I'm overlooking… but what?'_

The more I try and bring the thought out, the more my head begins to pound.

'_Just what is it that I'm trying to remember?' _I sigh mentally, rubbing my temple with a finger, then suddenly, the thought comes to me. _'Of course! I'm such a dumbass.'_

The temple, inside of the arm, the neck, inner thigh, top of the foot, all of these and so much more are easily attacked and, with limited strength, can bring most any attacker to their knees. Avian must have seen my change in expression, for now she watches in interest.

"What is it?" she asks.

"I've figured out what just might work for you…" I answer her, and she blinks.

"Really? How so? What is it?"

"Pressure points." I say, letting out a small scoff at myself. "I don't know why it took me so long to remember such a thing. It's one of the first things that is taught in basic training."

The woman frowns slightly in concentration.

"Pressure points, I've never heard of such a thing. Is that another name for weak points on the body?"

"It is, and you don't need to be strong in order to utilize them, just quick."

At this, Avian's eyes light up and a level of determination enters them again.

"Do you know where such points are located? I'm aware that what I lack in might I make up for with swiftness, so such a style should fit me better, don't you agree?"

"Highly."

With that, I gently grab her arm and draw her into better lighting just a pace in front of me and I scan my eyes quickly over her miniature body, each point slowly coming back to memory.

"There are several points spread out all over the body," I begin, and with each point I name, I lay my fingers on that part of her body to show her where they are. "There are the temples, as you probably already know. The nose is another, since the bone is easily broken. Then there is a point just behind the collarbone, under the jaw line, inside the elbow, the center of the sternum, the inner thigh, and the top of the foot."

With each area, the woman concentrates, possibly trying to memorize every one as she follows my hand with her eyes.

"The thing to remember about these points is that it's all about where you hit, and not so much how hard. The whole point of attacking these is to create crippling pain, and it is very possible to kill someone by hitting these points."

Avian absorbs every word as I explain, her face like stone, and I recognize her diligence. After I point out the spots on her, I grab her hand and raise it up so her fingers brush my right temple.

"To make sure you understand where they are, point them out on me."

Without a word, the ginger obeys, first taping my temple gently with her fingers.

"Temple." She says, then moves down. "Nose. Jaw line."

With each place, she softly brushes the skin, each touch feeling more like a caress than anything else. I don't move as she continues over my collarbone, my arm, my chest, then finally down to my legs and feet, taping the tops of my shoes. I nod my approval.

"Now practice aiming at them. Use the punching technique Eren has showed you and try to touch each spot with the tips of your knuckles. It is the bone from your fist digging into these points that creates pain, so this is the most essential part. It doesn't do you any good if the broad side of your fist hits first. All the power will spread out. And for the points on the legs and feet, kick out with tip of your shoe and stamp down with your heel. Understood?"

The woman nods, drawing her arms up with practiced ease, and very slowly, she extends her arms out and the tip of her knuckle brushes my temple. She holds it there for a moment, then draws it back and extends it again, this time brushing the center of my nose. She repeats the process with each point, using her fingers for the collar and elbow since a fist isn't that effective, and her foot for the lower regions.

"Again."

At my order, she goes over it again a little bit quicker, and the process is repeated, steadily gaining promise with each round as the woman memorizes the areas and gains confidence. All the while, I stand still, surprised to find that I never have to correct her or adjust her position or technique. The past two weeks have done wonders as far as her coordination is concerned, and she no longer looks like the awkward, toothpick armed woman she was that first day. Watching her as she practices, blue eyes intense with concentration and ginger hair burning from the light of the setting sun, an odd sense of satisfaction comes over me, forcing the most miniscule of smirks onto my face.

'_Not bad, Conner. Not bad at all.'_

Though the movement is subtle, I do not miss the small smile that comes onto her features when she glances at me.

*Author's note*

Guess who finished their chapter a day early!? :D *insert fangirly giggling here* Oh GOD this was so much fun to write! (even if the beginning was kinda all over the place ^^') Seems Avian's got a little more promise than we thought, though she still has a long way to go. But with Levi there to help coach her, along with the support of the rest of the squad behind her back, I expect that she'll go far. There really isn't much else for me to say about this besides I'm SO glad I finally got to write this out. You have no idea how frustrating it is to want to write out a particular scene so bad but you can't cause the story aint there yet ;n; Oh well, there are loads more where that came from, cause I absolutely love writing unfluffy fluff. So be on the lookout hehehe o3o Now, concerning the previous chapter…. Spiders are awesome xD Seriously, I love how everyone is just like "OMG Levi saved her from the spiders *fangirl*" I only wish that I could properly describe Avian's face in that scene. In my head, she looks so serious when she says that nothing should have that many legs and live, you'd think she was telling someone their mother just died. She is THAT DEAD SERIOUS. And it's hilarious. Anyway, on to review replies cause I love replying to peoples :D

**Kawaii-anya: **You have no idea how happy it make me knowing that you gave this fic a shot and liked it. As I've said before, and you've probably already read, I work really hard to try and make this as antiMary-sue as I can but still keep my characters integrity, and I absolutely love that my story is different from other 'Oc lives outside the walls and becomes a soldier' stories. I pride myself in trying to be original and diverge from what is 'normal' or 'expected' from fanfiction, and so I hope that a little of that is showing in this. Gosh, it does my heart good to hear that everyone is in character and that I'm writing out the relationships in a well developed manner. It's surprisingly difficult to do, and it's hard to judge if I'm going to fast, to slow, or whatever, so input like that really helps out. I hope you continue to enjoy the story and review more! I love hearing what you have to say, or how I can improve!

**AliLaShae: **Oh, my dearest, most prolific Levian shipper xD You're excitement always spurs me to keep on writing, and I'm truly thankful for your constant input. LEVIAN FOREVER! O3O

**Hyourin-kusabana: **I thank you for your review! And yes, Avian has no idea what on earth she's getting into. It's going to be awesome.

**Imafangirlforever: **I don't mean for you to sulk! oAo But who doesn't want to be in AoT? xD (well… I really don't want to get eaten, but that's another point…. *mumble*mumble*) I humbly thank you for the compliments and that you enjoy hearing everything from Levi's point of view as much as I enjoy writing it that way. I've always found that seeing things from a cannon characters perspective is SO much more interesting.

**Sayuriameyo: **I THOUGHT YOU LEFT ME *cries* But seriously, I was kinda worried when you suddenly didn't review my previous two chapters, and I thought I lost a reader ;n; BUT NO, YOU CAME BACK AND I'M SO HAPPY YOU DID. It's funny, cause I checked my e-mail, saw the 'Sayuiameyo has left a review' near the top, and I just flipped out. I didn't even bother reading it there, so here I go hopping onto to see what you said, and I click the little review button on the story and suddenly, ALL I SEE IS TEXT. And I'm just sitting there staring at this review from you, and I'm just like 'DAMN. IT'S A BOOK' XD Seriously though, I was beside myself with how long it was, and soaked up every word of it. So, since you wrote me a whole book, I shall reply with a book of my own hehehehe C:

First off, I'm glad that the stupid ref pic isn't hideous. Like I said, I can't draw people, or hair, or expressions/clothing/ect so for it to look half decent is such a relief. I'm currently working on a cover art for the story, but this too might not be that great, but whatever! It's my story, I'll do whatever the heck I wanna do with it! But yes, Avian is a midget, it's hilarious. And it kinda DOES look like she and Levi are holding hands at first glance, which I didn't even notice until you pointed it out. In the beginning, it took me a while to try and figure out how she was going to look, and I almost made her have super long hair, but in the end, medium seemed to fit better, and it's a lot more fun/bouncy if that… makes sense ._. Probably not…

In all honestly, that entire cleaning sequence was conceived for the SOLE purpose of introducing Avian's fear of spiders so… the more you know! :D And I don't really believe Levi lives peacefully in a world filled with dusty shelves and smudgy windows, I believe it's more like he just tolerates it cause deep down he knows that the world is permanently filthy and there isn't a damn thing he can really do about it lol. Poor Captain Shorty.

You are not the only one who wants to take Levi by the shoulders and just shake the mess out of him sometimes, I feel like that with every chapter I write. But alas, I cannot, and if I did, he'd probably make me run double laps around the castle T.T Unfortunately, if anything develops between the two of them, it's going to take time, but it's obvious that he is treating Avian better now that he's gotten to know her a little more.

And I fell in love with Squad Levi the moment they were introduced in the anime, since I saw the anime first, then went back and read the manga. To help with the terrible pain in my soul, I just pretend that the Female Titan arc never happened, same with Marco's death. They are all camping out somewhere inside Wall Sina sipping sparkling grape juice and chilling at the pool wearing shutter shades xD

As always, I thank you for the review and your constant support. I could just cry from joy ;u; It's stuff like this that really keeps me going.

**Katialynne: **Thank you for the wonderful comment! And though I can't say that he 'likes' her, Avian is certainly on the bottom of Levi's "People who need to die or receive a swift kick in the butt with my nicely polished and pointy boots" list xD - lists like that is what makes writing from his perspective so fun lol

**Karly: **Your review is so great to hear, I can't even begin to describe how awesome it makes me feel. I'm a broken record whenever I say that I'm glad that I'm writing Avian in a fluent, balanced way. That is my goal, so make an OC who is just as human as the rest of us, and someone who is lovable, but has major disadvantages and issues like a normal person would. I really strive to make her believable, and that she isn't perfect by any means. Just to hear that she sounds and appears like that to one of my readers is just a huge relief. I've always considered myself an amateur writer, but I've always endeavored to better my craft and possibly get to the point where I can write stories that can be read outside of the internet. As always, I'm so thrilled you enjoy reading, and that Levi and Avian's relationship isn't boring/stale/one-sided/whatever else you can say. Let's see what else is in store for them ;D

Well, now that THAT is out of the way, I believe it is time for me to bid adieu. At least until next Tuesday. And just because I know for SURE we will get to this in the next chappy, I'll give you all a little hint at what's to come. Remember when Levi agreed to let Hanji experiment on Avian sometime in the future? Well….. she's coming. That is all. And I just realized that, thanks to this chapter, this story is now over 100,000 words…. Well dang…. No wonder my wrists hurt. Anywho, as always, thank you for reading and please leave your thoughts and comments in a review! Till next time!

-Ambi :D


	15. Gaining Knowledge

Chapter 15:

**Gaining Knowledge**

Though it has long since grown cold, I'm thankful for Gunther's meal. Just as it has been the past few weeks, days have been long, and any sort of meal is short and far between. Today is no exception, and having spent the past hour instructing Avian on a possible fighting style to better fit her small build, I'm even that much more panged by hunger, as I'm sure the woman is as well.

'_Hell, what am I saying?' _I muse to myself, casually watching the woman wolf down her portion of soup from her place on the other side of the table.

Burdened by obvious exhaustion accumulated from many hours of extra training she has put upon herself the past few days, coupled with the fact that she missed breakfast this morning, adds to make an amusing, albeit slightly ill mannered, scene.

"You might want to slow down there. I know my cooking is pretty good, but I really don't need you choking." Gunther chuckles beside her.

Mouth full of food, the woman looks at him and swallows, leaning back slightly in her chair, a slight tinge coming to her cheeks.

"I…. I apologize. I wasn't aware I was eating so rapidly…"

"Hey, it's fine!" Gunther laughs, "I just don't want you dying on us is all. I'm honestly surprised you like it so much. I mean, I learned from my mum, but with only her and my grandfather in the house, there wasn't much opportunity to practice."

"I see." The woman replies, then gives him a slight smile. "It truly is wonderful, and I thank you for waiting for us to return before putting it up. It is my fault we were so late."

At her apology, the brown haired man shakes his head, waving a hand as if to wave the thought away.

"Don't worry about it. I figured it was something important since neither of you came back right away, but there was no way I was going to clean up without even letting you eat first."

"Well, I thank you."

At that, she gives the man one final smile and returns to her bowl, a little slower this time, and Gunther turns to me.

"Speaking of that, just what held you up, Corp? It's not like you to waste time."

Taking a sip of freshly heated tea, I take a moment to consider him before answering.

"It took me forever to find the damn woman, first of all…" I start, to which Avian gives an apologetic look. "But once I did, we figured out a fighting style that might work out better than the one she is currently practicing with Eren."

At this, Gunther raises a brow.

"What style?"

"Pressure point."

"Hm."

Gunther leans back in his chair, a thoughtful look coming across his face, nodding slightly.

"I can see how that would work. So I'm not the only one who thought her current style was a bit awkward. Did you have her practice?"

"I did."

"How did it go? I'm sure with how quick she is, she got a grasp of it pretty quick."

I take another slow sip of tea before answering.

"She still needs a lot of work, but… it wasn't bad."

"Nice. We still have a bit more time left, so there is plenty of room for improvement. Hell, if you get competent enough…" Gunther smirks, laying a hand on Avian's shoulder to draw her attention. "…You can spar with us big guys. Oluo is always in need of a good kick in the ass, and who better to ruin his ego than a small lady like you? I almost wish he and the others were down here to hear this, but I guess they'll see soon enough. I knew you had it in you."

Gunther pats her solidly on the shoulder, and the woman smiles at his support.

"I thank you. I'll be sure to try my best."

"Wouldn't expect any less." He answers her, but before he can move on to say something else, the faintest sound of footsteps can be heard down the hall.

They aren't footsteps as much as thuds as if the person they belong to is running, getting steadily faster and louder as they near, then suddenly Eren sprints through the door, stopping to a halt a few feet away looking wide eyed and slightly out of breath. I instantly assume something horrible has happened, and cut the young teen down with my eyes as he speaks.

"Corporal!" he breathes, just as another set of rapid running steps sound down the hall behind him. "I don't know why she's here all of a sudden, but Hanji…."

"LEVI! AVIAN!"

Before the boy can finish, Hanji's joyous yell interrupts him, and soon enough, the woman herself sprints through the dining room door, hair flying. I only have just enough time to wonder just what the hell the crazed scientist was doing here before she screams in delight upon catching sight of us and, without warning, practically dive bombs Avian from her seat.

"I GOT APPROVED! I GOT APPROVED! THIS IS SO GREAT! NOW I CAN START INVESTIGATING YOU PIECE BY PIECE WITHOUT ANYONE TO INTERUPT ME! HAHAHAHA!" Hanji yells much to everyone's exasperation, Avian looking the most flabbergasted out of all of us.

"S…. Squad Leader…" Eren mutters, still gazing wide eyed at the woman. "I think you're choking Avian…"

"Oh?" Hanji blinks, taking a second to register his words, then looks at the ginger in her arms, Avian's face turning an unnatural shade of purple-red.

At once, the scientist gasps and immediately lets go, allowing Avian to take some much needed breaths.

"Oops! Sorry about that! Guess I got a little carried away, haha!" Hanji chuckles, to which the ginger makes a guarded look, but she says nothing.

Having been forced to evacuate his spot at the table as to not be trampled over, Gunther crosses his arms from where he stands a foot or so away, eyeing the scientist.

"What are you doing here?" he questions, watching her. "We aren't due to leave for another week."

"Didn't you hear what I just said!?" Hanji replies, a great smile breaking her face. "ERWIN APPROVED MY PROPOSITION! I CAN OFFICIALLY START EXPERIMENTING ON THIS LITTLE COOKIE RIGHT HERE!"

With great gusto, Hanji pats Avian on the head, but before the woman can do anything, Hanji has already turned her attention to Eren who still waits by the entrance to the dining room.

"YOU BETTER WATCH OUT TOO TITAN BOY! THERE ARE STILL LOADS OF INFORMATION I CAN GLEAM FROM YOU, SO YOU BETTER BE PREPARED! OH THIS IS SO EXCITING! TWO SHIFTERS AT ONCE, I MUST BE DREAMING!"

Once again she breaks into maniacal laughter, completely unable to control her enthusiastic psychotic nature, and though she's only been here for around a minute, a piercing pain has already begun throbbing in my temple and I can feel a migraine coming on.

"Would you shut up, shit glasses. I have half a mind to kill you on the spot for being so damn annoying, but I really don't feel like cleaning up your disgusting bodily fluids off the floor." I growl, trying to cut the woman in half with my glare, but as always, she is completely unfazed and merely pouts at me.

"Oh, come on Levi, don't be such a fuddy-duddy! Can you even imagine what all we can learn from this!? Besides, you promised me I could work on her!"

I don't want this lunatic doing anything to my subordinates, but if Erwin approved of her proposition then there is no way for me to refuse even if I wanted to.

'_Damn woman sure knows how to get her way all the damn time…'_

Hanji stares at me, waiting with bright eyes and as loath as I am to do so, I make the tiniest inclination of my head, the only consent I'm willing to give her.

"I KNEW IT!"

"Tch."

Completely ignoring my scoff, the scientist leaps into the air with a boisterous yell.

"YAHOO! I KNEW YOU COULDN'T SAY NO SHORTY! OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT, THERE ARE SO MANY TESTS THAT NEED TO BE RUN! STRENGTH, SPEECH, COGNITIVE ABILITY, REGENERATION, GHAAA! YOU'RE IN FOR A FULL DAY TOMORROW AVIAN, SO YOU BETTER BE READY! I'M GONNA LOOK AT EVERY INCH OF YOU UNTIL YOU HAVE NO COMFORT ZONE ANYMORE!"

At that, Avian along with Gunther and Eren shift, all three looking highly uncomfortable already, and Gunther raises his hands slightly.

"Squad Leader… You might want to calm down, you're freaking her out…" he begins, but his statement goes right over Hanji's head as she whirls on him.

"CALM DOWN!? HOW CAN I WHEN I'VE GOT TWO SHIFTERS I CAN STUDY NOW!? THIS IS SO GREAT I COULD JUST CRY!"

The moment Hanji's eyes begin to gleam with wetness, Gunther rightfully call it quits and makes his way to the door, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose just before he disappears out of sight. Eren looks as if he wants to follow, but before he can, Hanji grabs his arm, stopping him.

"You'll help me out tomorrow, right Eren!?" she pleads, getting so close to the teen's face that he draws back. "I know you know how to do all the experiments, and if not I'll be more than happy to explain again!"

"N….. No… it's fine. I remember." The boy stutters. "I'll help I guess…"

His expression looks as if he'd rather be anywhere than here, and I can't tell if he's being honest about remembering or if he's just telling the loon what she wants to hear so she can shut up and leave him alone. Either way, Hanji buys it and lets him go with a very satisfied huff, placing her fists on her hips.

"Ah, thank you Eren. I always know I can count on you. It's a shame you have to be stuck with Grouchy Sourpuss and work all the time."

"N…. na, it's okay Squad Leader. I'm fine working f… for Corporal." He replies, obviously highly flustered and awkward, especially when he catches my eyes on him.

"Well, suit yourself."

With a shrug, Hanji lets the matter drop and beside me, a chair gently scrapes the floor, and I turn my gaze to Avian as she leans back.

"Um…. S… Squad Leader…" she begins, the title rolling clumsily off her tongue, still unfamiliar with the name. "May I ask something?"

Hanji blinks and looks at the woman in slight surprise, making an interested noise instead of answering. Having garnered her attention, Avian fumbles with her fingers unconsciously.

"I was just pondering, what is it that you will do to me?" she asks, and immediately my heart drops.

'_Oh no…'_

Across the room, Eren wears an expression similar to how I feel, and with slow deliberateness, Hanji leans toward the woman, eyes shining.

"You….. want to know about my research?" she asks slowly, watching the woman intensely.

Avian watches her cautiously, not understanding just what she's done, and nods slightly.

"If that would be alright." She answers, and like a flash, Hanji's glasses lift, reflecting the torch flames that illuminate the room and a wide smile creeps onto her features.

'_Now she's done it.'_

Wanting no part of the upcoming lecture, I bring myself out of my chair and grab my half finished cup of tea to take with me as I leave the room. Like a lost puppy and obviously remembering the horrific event when, he too, accidentally made the same mistake the night before her experiments, Eren follows me out the door, mouthing 'I'm sorry' to the ginger woman at the table. It's obvious that she has no idea what she just did to herself, and I can feel her confused eyes on the back of my head as I leave. We walk in silence, but after a few paces, making sure we are well out of sight, Eren make a sympathetic look.

"How long do you think Hanji will lecture her?"

All I can do is scowl at the thought.

"Who the hell knows. All night probably."

"Yeah. Poor Avian…. I didn't even think to warn her about Hanji's crazy long explanations…"

'_Too late now.' _I frown mentally, making my way upstairs. _'So much for the woman catching up on her rest.'_

…..

The mid-August atmosphere is dry when the morning comes, but thankfully the sky is dotted by light clouds, occasionally guarding us from the sun's intense rays. After a short breakfast, my team follows me outside to a wide stretch of grass that will be used as Hanji's experiment grounds, and much to my surprise, I see that she and Avian are already out in the middle of the field, both talking adamantly. As we all approach, they both turn and Avian's eyes are bright with little to no hint of tiredness, and she smiles as we near.

"Eren!" she calls, drawing the teens attention. "Hanji and I just had a most interesting conversation! How come you never enlightened me about your giant's abilities? From what she has told me, they sound incredible!"

Beside me, Eren makes a confused sort of sound, looking surprised by the woman's energy. Honestly, I'm just as surprised as he. I was fully expecting to find a half dead cadet to greet me, but this is completely opposite of what I was imaging.

"How the hell does she have so much energy after spending the night talking with HANJI of all people…?" I hear Oluo mutter behind me. "It's just unnatural."

Once we are near enough, Avian speaks again, gazing up at the brown haired teen beside me with wide, admiring eyes.

"Is it true that you were able to bear a gigantic boulder weighing hundreds of tons to block the hole in the district of Trost? And that you can regenerate lost appendages?" she asks, and Eren nods to her, looking at a slight loss of what to say.

"Y… yeah. It's true."

At that, Avian's eyes light up.

"That is astounding! I had no such inkling that such feats could be done! Your giant form must be extraordinary!"

Behind her, Hanji lets out a laugh and saunters over, resting an arm around the shorter woman's shoulders.

"We talked for hours about the experiments I did on you, Eren, and I have to say that Avian here shares a similar love for them as I do! I don't think I've ever had anyone ask so many questions or look so interested in my research before!"

"You enjoyed talking with her all night?" Gunther can't help but ask behind me, sounding doubtful.

"Of course." Avian replies, puzzlement clouding her features. "Am I not supposed to?"

"Well… no, it's just that…" Petra adds in a hushed tone. "…Squad Leader's talks are so long and detail oriented…."

"They are…" Avian admits, earning her a side glance from the scientist beside her. "… but they are interesting. Much of what she told me were things I never even begun to think about for giants. And to know that she is dedicated to figuring out just what they are, I find such a toil admirable."

"Finally! Someone understands!"

Hanji breaks into her signature maniacal laugh and lifts her arms up.

"Oh, I'm SO glad we found you! Now let's not delay! THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO BE DONE! AW, CRAP! I LEFT MY NOTEBOOK ON THE TABLE INSIDE, DAMN IT! HOLD ON, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!"

Like a bullet fired from a gun, the scientist is gone, dashing her way into the castle and I frown after her.

"She runs like she's constipated…" I state blandly, earning a curious glance from the ginger haired woman before Eren steps up, still wearing that slightly perplexed expression on his face.

"Did you really talking with her all night?" he asks, repeating Gunther's question. "Sorry, but it's kind of hard to believe…"

"ANYONE who enjoys talking crazy with her is crazy themselves." Oluo interrupts, earning a swift elbow in the ribs from Petra, her eyes narrowed.

"Avian isn't crazy…"she sighs, but before she can go on, the woman in question shrugs.

"It's true."

I turn my gaze back to Avian to find that there is nothing but honesty in her eyes.

"I don't understand what the obvious commotion about her is, but I highly enjoyed speaking with her. She's very intelligent, a lot more than I gave her credit for I admit."

"Still…. Weren't you bored at all?" Eren continues, and Avian shakes her head.

"Not at all. The research she does is truly astounding, and everything that she has learned about the giants, and about us, is worthy of attention."

At this, she frowns slightly, and her tone changes to that of light bewilderment.

"I honestly had no idea that what knowledge I have about my ability is extremely limited. From what she explained to me, your giant form and my own are even more deviant from each other than I originally presumed. I find such a fact highly intriguing. Before such information was made known to me, I assumed that your abilities mirrored by own, though I conjectured that there would be slight differences. I already knew that appearance and size varied greatly, but aside from those two, any other possible variants never came to the forefront of my mind until last night. Never could I have imagined abilities to exist as they do in your giant form, Eren. Regeneration? Astounding physical strength? Such possibilities should be impossible, but obviously, they are not."

She pauses for a moment, and I realize than I'm listening to her more intently than I thought.

"Such facts got me to pondering my own giant form's abilities. I've never given it much thought, but now I truly wonder. Do I possess the same regeneration as you do? Could I possibly hold the secret to greater strength and size in my form as well? Or if not, then what makes me so vastly different. Why is my form so small and weak compared to yours? And why am I able to conjure cutting edges of crystal from my fingertips when you can't? All these questions have suddenly become apparent to me, and now, I wish nothing more than to understand just what I am, what this great power is. Never before have I met someone like me, and now, I finally have the chance to learn something about myself instead of being forced to live in the dark, ignorant about my own body. Finally, I can begin to find some sort of answer to this mystery that I've carried with me possibly since the day I was born."

Throughout her entire explanation, Avian's voice becomes steadily more passionate, and I'm made aware of just how important these stupid experiments must be to her. Though it's obvious to everyone who has interacted with either her or Eren that we know next to nothing about just what titan forms are or where they are from, I never even began to consider that the shifters themselves might be just as confused. At least with Eren, the brat has had some sort of education about himself thanks to knowledge gained from Hanji's experiments and the altercations between Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner. But with Avian, she's been doing so well with adjusting to life inside the walls and interacting with our small band of soldiers that I'd completely forgotten that she is even more in the dark about herself than any of us.

Up until this past May when we stumbled upon her home, she lived with no knowledge of just what she was, and I think I recall her saying that she believed herself to be the only one with her special power, not knowing any better. With comprehension, I realize that Avian not knowing about where her titan abilities come from is probably similar to me not knowing just where I come from. Something that is so ingrained that it is as much a part of me as the skin on my body that one and the other can't be separated. For a moment, I try to imagine how it would feel if I woke suddenly and found all of humanity killed by titans around me, and I look down and see myself stuck in the body of one of those monsters. Even just the thought of it unsettles me, and I suddenly understand why the woman is so adamant about Hanji's experiments.

"I apologize…" Avian states suddenly, looking down. "I did not mean to ramble."

"Don't apologize." Eren answers with empathy. "I feel the same way too. I didn't even think about how you might feel about this whole thing, and how you might even WANT to go through with it all. I forget that you're like me."

At his words, the woman looks at him and he gives her an encouraging grin.

"Don't worry, if there is anyone who can help us figure out what we are, it's Squad Leader Hanji."

"Yeah." A voice says behind me, and with a step, Petra comes forward. "What Eren said is right. We didn't mean for it to sound like you shouldn't care. It's just strange that someone can handle Squad Leader so well."

"Amazing really." Gunther adds, folding his arms behind his head. "We've been dealing with her for how many years now?"

"Too damn many if you ask me." Oluo answers him, but sighs. "But I guess what she does is important, so we can't complain too much."

"You're sounding slightly considerate for once Oluo. Amazing."

At Eld's underhanded comment, the tan haired man turns to reel at him, but Eld is so calm that he just lets the arrogant man's words slide by him. Thanks to Oluo being the hot blooded man he is, Gunther turns to try and alleviate the situation, and soon the three are lost among themselves. Unconcerned by their petty fight, I turn my attention back to the other three members of my squad.

"Honestly, I'm surprised you aren't tired." Petra comments. "How long did you and Squad Leader talk?"

"Most of the night, and I am filled with too much anticipation to feel fatigued." Is the woman's only reply before rapid footsteps sound behind me.

Breathing heavily, Hanji soon appears again, notebook in hand and though she sprinted the entire way to and back from the castle, a grand smile still lingers.

"ALRIGHT! LET'S GET THIS STARTED!"

With her usual grand flare, she waves for everyone's attention.

"You guys don't need to be out here you know. I doubt we'll need your assistance since I'm positive nothing will happen." Hanji notes, scanning the squad behind me. "This isn't like when we were testing Eren; Avian's proved that she has full control of her titan."

"Can we really be too sure? Not to say that I believe you will do anything," Eld mentions, casting a glance at the ginger before continuing. "but there is still the risk of something going wrong. We know next to nothing about this strange power of yours, and it would be foolish to let down our guard."

"But she's never had a problem around us before." Petra argues, looking stricken, but before anything else can be said, Gunther cuts in, interrupting a possible rebuke from Oluo.

"Both of you are right, but I think Corporal should decide." He suggests, and soon everyone's eyes are on me. "What do you think?"

I consider him, along with the rest of my squad, all handpicked by me for their exceptional skill and experience. Should an accident occur, they would cut the woman down in a heartbeat, and there is no team more talented than they in the entire Corps. Their judgment is always spot on, and if there is any chance for something to go sour, they will make it known.

'_However…'_

What Petra said is also true. Though caution is obviously necessary, Avian has proven multiple times that she is in complete control of her titan body, and I personally feel that there is no need for such heavy precautions. The woman would not dare pull anything rash in my presence, and even if she did, I have full confidence in my abilities to take her down if need be. In actuality, there really is no foreseeable problem to be had.

"You all can have the day off." I say finally, gazing lazily at each. "It's not like I believe that nothing can happen, but there is no need for such overkill. If the woman tries to do anything stupid, I'm more than capable of taking her down myself."

Each senior member regards my words, but quickly enough, they all nod in consent.

"As long as you believe it'll be fine, we trust your judgment." Eld agrees, and beside him, Oluo throws a hard stare at Avian.

"You hear that? Now don't go jacking this up, otherwise it'll be my blades cutting your flesh, got it?" he threatens, to which the woman nods looking slightly alarmed, as she should.

"Now don't go freaking out my test subject!" Hanji whines, waving her hands as if to shoo the tan haired man off. "We're wasting daylight!"

With little more enticement needed, soon Petra, Gunther, Oluo, and Eld make their way back inside, talking among themselves. As they go, Hanji throws her notebook and pencil hard at Eren, who yelps and fumbles to grab the items suddenly tossed in his direction.

"Let's get started! I want to see just what makes you tick!" she yells joyously, dragging the still alarmed woman to the center of the field. "Whenever you're ready, just transform away!"

Unceremoniously, Avian is tossed into the openness, looking very unsure and possibly put off by both Oluo's comment, as true as it may be, and Hanji's overly energetic enthusiasm. Having little interest in the events to come, I content myself with crossing my arms and prepare to watch the scientist's antics with great boredom. With a final glance to Hanji, Avian rights herself, such a tiny thing in such a wide space, and without a single twitch of muscle it seems, the sound of an explosion emits from her as a great ball of steam suddenly engulfs her. Hopping rapidly from foot to foot, Hanji makes a face like a dog staring at a plate of roasted meat when the wind slowly reveals an oddly humanoid form.

"OH THIS IS GREAT! I CAN FINALLY SEE YOU UP CLOSE!" she squeals, moving to stand only a foot or so away from the newly created Child Titan, dashing from looking at the legs, arms, hair, and everywhere else like a bothersome fly. "EREN! MAKE NOTE OF THIS!"

Swiftly moving into action, the teen readies his paper and hastily tries his best to write down all that Hanji reports as the crazed woman hyperventilates her way around the shifter, analyzing the form with a swift and expert eye.

"Shifter Name: Avian Conner. Titan Name: Child Titan. Height: Just below three meters. Appearance…"

Having not had a chance to study her form since that day long ago in the woods near her home, my eyes idly follow Hanji as she describes every aspect of Avian's titan form. As mentioned before, her titan is pathetically small, and strikingly very humanoid. Unlike every other human controlled titan, Avian's looks just like a human child, devoid of any abnormalities, and appears to just be a younger version of herself. Her face is a tad round with youth, punctuated by large childlike eyes, ginger hair laying haphazardly about her head like a bush made of large curls, and her body is relatively thin and undefined. Pale, unblemished skin covers her with no notable muscular structure or gender related organs, and if I knew no better, the form could pass off as both male and female. Every aspect of her is bland and uninteresting, and unlike Eren's form, though more human-like than others, Avian's titan body has normal proportions and does not exhibit any extreme features such as exposed bone, odd nose, ear, or jaw shapes, or abnormalities in skin texture. In fact, so ambiguous and generic is her appearance that the titan really only has one identifying feature aside from its miniscule height. Even as I think of it, Hanji gingerly takes one of the titan's hands in her own, turning it over in her grasp to examine the weapons attached to her there.

"Offensive traits:" Hanji continues, raising the Child titan's hand closer to her face as to get a better look at the long, cutting edges that emerge from the fingertips. "Crystallized claws seamlessly connected to the ends of every finger."

Looking closer, it's almost impossible to see where flesh ends and hardened crystal begins, the solid callous covering the entire end of the fingertips declining from a thickness of a few centimeters to a precise point, each darkened claw measuring around a meter in length.

"Simply incredible."

Hanji runs her fingers over the crystal, then gently taps it with her nails.

"This looks similar to the crystal produced by the Female Titan, though this crystal is black in hue instead of blue. Tell me, do you have feeling here?" she continues, rapping her knuckles about half way down one of the claws, and the titan shakes its head. "Can you control the length? Does it regenerate if broken?"

The titan shakes it's head 'no' for both questions.

"Ah, oh well. I was kind of hoping that you would possess the same crystal generating ability as the Female Titan, but I guess not. Did you get all that Eren!?"

"Yes Squad Leader!" the boy affirms, scribbling rapidly in an effort to catch up with the woman.

Satisfied, Hanji turns her attention back to the titan, taking a step back.

"Now that we have all your basic information, I'll instruct you through all the tests we had Eren participate in. They shouldn't be difficult, and they will not hurt you, but they are necessary for my research. First, we'll have you follow simple commands. Easy enough?" 

Avian nods, and there isn't anything of interest for the next half hour or so. Hanji asks the woman to perform simple tasks, such as standing on one leg, holding up a certain number of fingers, and things of that nature. Not to anyone's surprise the titan passes with ease and Hanji makes note of the Child Titan's brilliant balance after, out of pure curiosity, she orders Avian to balance while performing a single-handed handstand. The titan did not falter, barely wavering or making so much as a wiggle in the full minute that she held herself upright.

Next comes speech. Just as she had with Eren, Hanji asks Avian to try and pronounce simple words, such as her name, with mild success. Unlike with the teen, Avian's titan's mouth structure is capable of some form of speech, though the voice is high pitched and not fully articulate. She managed to repeat most of the words given to her, but her voice is heavy with lisp and she struggled with certain letters and sounds that require a great deal of lip movement.

After that, Hanji moves on to having Avian construct things out of rope and logs, thought that failed almost from the beginning, Not only is her titan not strong enough to lift timber of such size with her thin arms, the claws on her hands makes it nearly impossible to do any kind of detailed work, the sharp nails too awkward and long to work with.

In all honesty, the entire deal is dull and tiresome, and I only half pay attention to what's going on, not bothering to add input of any kind. On the opposite end, the scientist has Eren scribbling down notes and results like a madman, pencil flying all over the paper in an effort to keep up. By the look on his face, I can only guess that he does not envy the man who usually acts as Hanji's assistant. I barely bat my gaze over to where Avian fails once again to tie two ends of a rope together, her long fingers impairing her from nimble work as well as the edges of her nails cutting into the fibers with every movement.

"We'll just call it quits. There is just no way for you to do such work with those kinds of hands." Hanji says finally, taking the rope from the titan and tosses it away.

With a simple motion, the scientist waves Avian over to a bare patch of dirt a few feet away, pointing to it with her foot.

"Though you've proven you can speak, let's try writing. We'll follow the same procedure as we did with the speech test, but instead of speaking, just write in the dirt with your finger."

Without word, the titan nods, raising a single long claw.

Hanji nods. 

"Good. Now let's start simple. Write your name."

Obeying, the titan scribbles in the dirt with surprising legibility. Her long nails might impair her from handling objects or constructing, but they prove to be quite dexterous as she delicately writes her name in the dirt, finger moving with controlled ease.

"Good. Now write out numbers."

Again, the titan obeys with ease, and it's obvious that this test will be just as dull as the others, so I lose interest and focus on my own thoughts. Nothing so far is impressive in the least, in fact it's a bit disappointing. Here I thought we would gleam out SOME sort of useful information, but the best we've gotten so far is a balancing act and a few shitty sounding sentences.

'_This is a complete waste of time. We should be training, not making a game out of following simple orders.'_

Yet all I can do is frown heavily as Hanji continues to flutter around Avian, intently watching the titan as it writes. She scientist inspects her closely, investigating the titan's hand as it moves, but when she looks up to give the titan another phrase to write, she stops, a strange look coming over her. Hanji makes an intrigued sound as she gazes up at the titan's face, causing Avian to stop and stare back in a confused manner, which only draws Hanji closer.

"How strange…." Is all Hanji mutters as she looks up in awe. "Levi, come look at this."

"It's a face." I automatically respond, not moving. "I'm not interested in whatever insignificant finding you have."

Hanji seems to not even hear me as she reaches up and lays a hand on the titan's face, just below her eye, and leans on the tips of her toes to get a better look. She blinks and, and after a moment, she slowly falls back onto her heels. Beside me, Eren stops writing.

"Is everything alright?" he asks cautiously, watching on, but Hanji doesn't reply until a few seconds later, and even then, she addresses the titan in front of her instead of him.

"Avian…" she begins, the titan shifting to give her full attention. "…did you know you have two overlaying pupils in each eye?"

The content of the question is so absurd and out of place that I can't help but look over at the scientist and titan with slight interest. Eren just looks outright confused, and he lowers the notebook in his hand.

"Two pupils?" he repeats, and Hanji nods.

"Yes. I don't know how, but when you get up close, you can see them clear as day. Come look."

At once, the teen walks forward and comes to a stop beside the scientist, looking up at where she is and his face changes to an expression of fascination.

"It's true, but how is it possible?" he asks, to which Hanji shrugs slightly.

"I don't know, but it's there."

'_They have to be kidding.'_

Though I think that, I too make my way over to see just what they are raving on about and when I draw near, the titan turns it's gaze to me, eyes wide. At first, I don't see a damn thing, but the longer I look, the more obvious it is to see just what Hanji is talking about. The titan's eye looks just like any other: round and white, with a circle of blue colored iris and a large open pupil, but when I look closer, inside the blackness there is a very fine gray outline of a second circle encompassing the direct center of the pupil. When her gaze focuses on me, the gray outline visibly dilates, enlarging independently from the larger pupil, as if bringing me into focus.

"Don't you see it!?" Hanji says, a wide smile splitting her face. "Isn't it just fascinating! I've never seen anything like it! I've GOT to get a sketch of this! EREN! GIVE ME MY BOOK!"

Snatching the items forcefully away from the bewildered teen, Hanji proceeds to draw Avian's attention again, rapidly sketching onto paper.

"OH THIS IS GREAT! I WONDER HOW SHARP YOUR VISION IS!? HOW FAR DOES IT GO!? WE SHOULD TEST THIS RIGHT AWAY!"

In the span of about three seconds, and much to my annoyance, Hanji finishes her sketch, tosses the book and pencil back to Eren who yelps, grabs the Child titan by its thin arm, and drags it, stopping around three meters away.

"EREN! STAY RIGHT THERE! I GOT AN IDEA!"

Turning Avian around so she faces us again, Hanji motions for Eren to begin writing, waving her hand in the air.

"Here is how this is going to work." The scientist begins, addressing the titan beside her. "Since we don't know just how good your vision is, we will start by having you read simple words from varying distances, becoming farther away with each word until you can't read them anymore. I'll stay here and study just how your eyes react with the elongating distance, and Eren, you will write down whatever you wish on a single line on the paper. Just make sure it's simple and something she can pronounce since her speech isn't that clear."

Beside me, Eren nods, and Hanji claps her hands with great enthusiasm.

"Excellent! Let's start whenever you're ready Eren!"

From there, I watch as Eren proceeds to write down a random word, holds up the notebook for Avian to see, and even from where I stand several meters away, I see the faint outline of the titan's 'second' pupil constrict slightly. Without hesitation, the titan answers.

"Gear."

Having been correct, Hanji motions for Eren to take a step back and try again with a different word, and she goes back to staring at the titan's eyes as the teen reveals another word to which Avian has no problem seeing.

"Sky."

Taking another step back, the process is repeated over and over, a new word each time, and every time Avian can read it clearly. The farther back Eren steps, the larger the main pupil becomes, and the smaller the second pupil constricts, working together to try to focus on the small font on the paper in Eren's hands. It's oddly intriguing as it is downright strange, watching the two pupils dilate and constrict independently of each other as if they are on separate layers. How such a feature can even begin to work is up in the air, though I'm sure Hanji will have a theory by the time her experiment is concluded. Even without knowing the details, the titan's unusual ability proves to be keen enough to slightly impress me. Distance grows, and yet her vision does not falter, even when the range has become so great that Hanji must yell for Eren to hear her. So great is the distance that, after ten minutes of testing, the scientist waves her hands to call the experiment off prematurely, and by this time, Eren is well more than thirty meters away. Avian has yet to guess incorrectly.

"How incredible!" Hanji exclaims as my eyes dully glide over to where she has her hands raised in the air in front of the titan. "We're going to need a bigger field at this rate! Unfortunately, I'll halt this for now so Captain Shorty doesn't jump down my throat for wasting all the daylight. OKAY EREN! YOU CAN COME BACK!"

As the teen slowly makes his way to rejoin us, Hanji crosses her arms and stares at the titan, thoughtful.

"If only I could cut you open and see just how those amazing eyes of yours work. Oh why do titan bodies ALWAYS DISAPPEAR! IT'S SO ANNOYING!"

The Child titan watches the scientist, looking uncomfortable at the mention of being cut open, but does nothing, letting the crazed woman rant and rave all about her.

"IF ONLY I COULD GET SAMPLES! THAT WOULD DO WONDERS FOR MY RESEARCH! THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT WE COULD LEARN IF WE COULD LOOK AT YOUR CELL STRUCTURE! LIFE IS SO UNFAIR!"

Caught in a fit of uncontrollable Hanji-rage, the woman musses her hair in furious strokes, making a number of highly disapproving sounds and screeches that do nothing but make me want to slit her throat.

"Keep that up and every ass inside the walls will come running hoping to get laid." I spit, scowling, and the scientist whirls around and berates me with a crazed glare.

"YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FRUSTRATIONS OF SCIENCE!" she yells, then like a flip of a lever, she suddenly becomes very calm. "And why would donkeys even come running? I sound nothing like a female in heat."

All I can do is hold my glare on her and resist the temptation to rub my temple out of pure annoyance. Taking a second to solidify my composure, I continue as if such an idiotic thing was never said.

"Look shit glasses, what was the point of this test? Do you know what the hell is up with her eyes or how they work?"

At my question, Hanji's façade changes drastically to a demeanor of upmost seriousness.

"I can't make any solid conclusion of course." She begins as Eren finally reaches us, the boy and titan listening intently. "But I do have a theory. From what I can see, Avian's titan does, in fact, have two separate pupils in each eye, capable of constricting or dilating independently depending on the distance of whatever she needs to focus on. As you know, pupils act like a natural magnifying glass, growing or shrinking in size to put objects into clear focus. Her eyes work just the same way, only doubled. The only way I can explain it is that it looks to function similar to a spyglass. Much like eyes, spyglasses combine light and magnification to allow us to look farther away more clearly. The more light that can be drawn into the glass, or eye in this case, the more details can be seen. Magnification happens when an image passes through a narrowed space concentrating on a small focused point. Narrowing and expanding of the pupil allows the eye focus all the light it is retaining to magnify whatever it is looking at. That is why your peripheral vision is constantly blurry unless you purposefully look to your peripheral."

I cross my arms, considering the scientist.

"And all that mumbled science shit is important because….?"

"Because, unlike human eyes which only have one pupil to both monitor incoming light and magnify that image, limiting its range greatly, Avian's titan has two. If my theory is correct, her main pupil controls the amount of light that enters the eye, and the second pupil magnifies it, allowing for a greater visual range than anything a human could possibly have."

"But don't spyglasses have limits to how far they can see?" Eren asks, to which Hanji nods.

"They do. It all depends on the size of the glass; the larger the spyglass, the farther they can see. Since her eyes are so much larger than any spyglass," Zoe comments, turning to Avian who waits behind her, absorbing every word. "it very well could be impossible to fully document just how far her eyes can see. Just as everything else, they have a limit but as of right now, there is no way for us to find that limit."

'_So, greatly enhanced vision. Sounds completely worthless unless we use her to spot oncoming titans.' _I frown. _'Once again, here I was believing we would find something useful.'_

With nothing more to say, I don't reply, and Hanji claps her hands together.

"Well, since that is settled, I wonder if anyone will get mad if we jack up some trees…" the scientist mutters to herself, looking around.

"What other tests are we going to do? I'm almost out of paper…" Eren mentions, holding up Hanji's debilitated notebook, most of its pages written on and wasted due to the previous experiment.

At his question, the woman grins.

"The main things I wanted to see in the first place." She says, "I want to know just how sharp these claws are, along with just how fast this slim body can move."

Before I know it, Hanji has dragged all three of us to the nearest clump of trees not too far from the castle and makes a very scientific order to 'cut them to the ground.' Needless to say, the Child titan's claws are more than sharp enough to slice through even the thickest trunks with only a few strokes. Moving on to something harder, Avian has a little more trouble with small boulders, but eventually they too are cut down, her claws grating against the stone harshly, making a shower of sparks.

Once every available boulder lays broken, and nearly foaming at the mouth because she is so impressed, Hanji runs out of things for the titan to test her claws on, resorting to asking the ginger just how far her daggers can pierce. We go back to the logs and, with what little strength the titan has, she manages to strike her fingers almost all the way through the thickest of the trunks cut earlier. The downside of such an experiment is that when she does, the titan's claws become stuck in the log, and with no other way to free them, Avian is forced to break them off, throwing little bits of darkened crystal in every direction and making me take several steps back to avoid being hit by a shard.

After that, Hanji tests her speed. It's a simple timed sprint; Avian beginning at the base of the castle, running to a lone tree an estimated one-hundred meters away, then back, the total distance being around two-hundred meters. Beginning at the start of every minute on Hanji's pocket watch, Avian runs it three times, and each time she finishes in just under ten seconds.

"Your speed surpasses that of even the Female Titan's" Hanji breathes, writing the latest result down. "Even at a full sprint, I doubt she'd be able to best you. You can get out of the titan now by the way. I've got all the information I need at the moment."

Starting from the nape of the neck, steam jets out of the titans body and it slowly slumps to the ground. With effort, Avian splits the flesh apart and eases her top half out of the corpse, tugging to jar her arms free. In the middle of her getting out, Hanji suddenly gasps and stops writing.

"Wait! Before you get out, I want to see how you are connected!"

Disregarding her book for the moment, the scientist brushes past me and gapes at where Avian's right arm is still attached.

"It almost looks like your arm is fused with the muscular tissue." She comments, gently laying a hand on the exposed flesh and instantly yelps and yanks back. "SON OF A BITCH, THAT IS HOT! HOW CAN YOU STAND SUCH TEMPERATURE!?"

The ginger merely shakes her head as Hanji waves her hands in the air to cool them down, Avian looking slightly worn out.

"Don't burn yourself! And I apologize, but I do not know. To me, it does not feel hot in the slightest, though I have spent many years in this form. Perhaps I am accustomed to the heat?"

"Possibly…" Hanji replies, finally calming down and leans forward to look again, Eren peaking around her out of curiosity. "Don't you want to come look Shorty? Who knows what…"

"No." I cut her off bluntly, not moving from my spot a meter away, arms still crossed. "All I care about is training progress."

"You know, you're such a bore, all work and no fun."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion on my personality. Hurry up so Conner can get started. I don't have all damn day."

"Fine. Sheesh."

Hanji waves her hand in the air as if to brush me off, but goes back to studying Avian's arm, the ginger giving me a quick look before turning her attention back to the scientist.

"Is that how I looked when I was pulled out of my titan?" Eren asks and Hanji nods.

"Pretty much, though it's a little easier to tell where you end and the titan begins. This is a bit tougher. I wonder how the limbs communicate movement…. Shared nerve endings possibly...?"

Hanji busies herself with her investigating, and by the time she is done, the sun is well into the sky.

'_About time.' _I think as Zoe finally steps away, looking satisfied and allows Avian to fully extract herself from her titan body.

With some help from Eren, she rips out her legs and once free, the entire titan begins to dissolve in a cloud of steam.

"Happy now, Shorty? It didn't even take that long…" Hanji whines but I ignore her, choosing to keep my attention on Avian, motioning with my head to the castle.

"Ten laps. Get moving, We've got time to make up."

The woman breathes, possibly to give herself some form of energy after spending half the day as Hanji's test rat and makes a hurried statement of gratitude to the scientist.

"I really do thank you for all your hard work. It isn't much, but I know more about myself now than I have ever known the past decade. I hope this information is useful to you in your research."

With that, the woman turns and jogs away before Hanji can reply, possibly to avoid a chiding from me. Watching her go, I wait for Eren to follow suit but, when he doesn't move, I hit the teen with my eyes.

"You too, brat."

Eren jumps to attention at my command, looking slightly embarrassed, and swiftly obeys.

"Yes, sir!"

Soon enough Eren catches up with the woman and in seconds, they both are hidden as they round the castle's farthest corner. Once gone, Hanji makes a very satisfied smile at herself.

"See, it wasn't so bad." She states, turning to me. "And by the way, Avian's movement gear and uniform have been delivered. They are in one of my packs. Erwin told me to tell you to get to work on 3DMG training as soon as possible."

I raise a brow at her.

"Now? We are scheduled to leave in less than a week, dumbass." I retort, but the woman shakes her head.

"There has been a change of plans. At the same time my appeal was granted, Erwin worked some strings to give you extra time to train her. He wants her to know at least the basics of gear movement and blade combat before the end of October so she can join in with our next mission. All he is waiting on is an authorization for the members he has chosen for Avian's future squad."

This catches my attention.

"That's fast. Who are the members?"

"Four senior soldiers specializing in battle support and combat aid: Gauche Kurobari , Roda Lode, Zaji Vashuka, and Niche Maka."

"They don't ring a bell."

"Not surprising. They are usually stationed to guard the supply carriages and help assist evacuation efforts for both civilians and soldiers alike near the rear lines. There are many among the Corps who owe them their lives."

"I see. And this mission, what does Erwin have in mind?"

At this Hanji lets out an unexpected laugh.

"What do you think?" she states, eyeing me with slight enthusiasm. "Now that the breech in Wall Rose is taken care of, we can go back to forging a byway to Wall Maria, and after that…"

"Shiganshina." I finish, and she nods.

"Exactly."

***Author's Note***

I apologize for such a boring and horrendously written chapter with hardly any Squad Levi action, or action in general. I promise we will get back into some fighting and battles soon. Anyway, for some reason, I found it a lot more difficult this time to put what I saw in my head into words (or in this case in text), so…. Hope it isn't too bad. Please don't kill me. The Child titan is pretty bland yet hard to describe, and those eyes…. Perhaps if I can get my hands to work, I'll make a sketch or something of how the titan looks. Uggh…. Why does being sick make writing that much harder ;n; Anyway, gonna reply to just a few reviews here.

**Imafangirlforever: **I'm glad someone else thinks that pressure points is a good fighting style to choose. In the beginning, I didn't have Avian learning anything at all but, in the end, I decided to give her some form of skill that can utilize her small size and swiftness, so…. Pressure points it is. It's relatively easy to learn, and is widely used by females for self defense, so I figured it wasn't too much out of the ordinary to seem strange or unrealistic. And yes, I would find an Avian plushie to be adorable. Possible future art inspiration perhaps? o3o

**Nekovaria: **I really thank you for the review. I feel so loved ^u^ In all honesty, I put a lot of work into this story, and many hours are spent writing, in fact, it's all I ever really do anymore lol. I fear that, though I put in a good deal of work in, my writing is still subpar and as this chapter has proven, it can be very difficult and the story comes out choppy/basic/repetitive/ect which I hate, but I really do my best. These long weeks kill my fingers oAo (plot twist, I AM an aberrant *cackles manically and butt-scoots away*)

**Jessie: **I can't thank you enough for your input. It has really brought to my attention several things that can be improved and that I have, frankly, half forgotten about in the process of writing some of these chapters. I can tell you that, contrary to how the past several chapters have been going, this entire story is not going to be rainbows and butterflies, and there will be very serious things to come concerning Avian and her emotions/morals/personality. I admit that there has not been much evidence of inner conflict, which is a failure on my behalf as a writer, but I promise you that there will be dilemmas to come concerning Avian vs herself as well as Avian vs Levi that will hopefully shed some light on deeper aspects of her character and her relationships with Levi and other soldiers. Thanks to your suggestion, I have honestly done a lot of tweaking to the original plotline of this story just so Avian's inner turmoil can have time to be explained. I'm still at a loss as how to properly explain such conflict in its entirety since this is in Levi's POV, but I will do my best.

At the very least, I have been playing around with the thought of writing a side fic filled with nothing but one-shots telling both new experiences and retelling old ones from this story in Avian's POV as to, hopefully, give readers a better understanding of her character. Chapters would include snippets such as Avian's dilemma as she juggles with the idea of taking up Eren's offer by going inside the walls in the two months after Squad Levi returns home. I could also use this as a medium for explaining some minor story plots of Avian interacting with other characters such as Sasha, Mikasa, Armin, and the other 104th Trainees when Levi is not present.

Either way, I'll figure out how to make self conflict happen and hopefully your suggestions will improve my writing and the story in general enough to where you can begin to see Levi and Avian as possibly compatible. You don't have to like them by any means (duh xD), but I will take it as a challenge to improve my writing and the story as a whole to be more believable and (hopefully, not forcibly) change your mind.

Also, I'll do my best to remember paragraph spacing (which I'm horrible at which is why I omitted it in the first place, oops), and I really do hope that you continue reading if only to give suggestions and critique. I cannot say enough just how much I appreciate your input, and that I take it all to heart. Also, do not worry about offending me. I was a little heartbroken at first at your review until I realized that you are trying to help me and, though I put in a lot of work into this, everything can be improved upon. Please, PLEASE, if there is anything else you can point out to me, do so. And if you have an account on here, don't be afraid to message me suggestions on how I can improve, but if you're just a guest, that is fine too. Just leave a review and I'll be thankful for any help C:

As always, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as mediocre as it is, and please leave your thoughts and comments in a review otherwise I'll high five you…. In the face… with a chair. Chao!

-Ambi


	16. The Price of Achievement

Chapter 16:

**The Price of Achievement**

The information gleamed from Hanji's experiments, though not as much as we hoped proved to be useful, and even with the crazed scientist there, the next two months passed easily enough. Thanks to Erwin gaining favor with Darius Zackly along with getting the go-ahead for our next mission. Training continued well past our original end date. During these extra weeks, Avian's skill, fitness, and education improved greatly.

Much as before, we all kept the same rigorous training schedule of exercise - steadily increasing its difficulty, pushing the limit harder and harder each day. Now that we know that her swiftness and speed are her natural strengths both in human and titan form, certain measures are taken to target those specific areas; there is more sprinting, more reflex training, more sparring.

At first, I only keep her fighting lessons between the two of us, personally instructing her upon the roof after dinner every night, but she soon outgrew these sessions. Such a fighting style fits her better than I had expected -she is able to rely on focusing on certain points instead of large, sometimes complicated, moves. In this way, she can wait and defend, dodging oncoming strikes until an opening presents itself and, using her fast reflexes, is able to strike.

It wasn't long before I had her go against the others in my squad, which she accomplished with mild successes. They are all slower than the woman, but Gunther's and Eld's experience proved to be a key factor in their fights, and in the end they were able to subdue her.

Petra and Eren were more of an even match for her, some of their spars could evengo on as long as ten minutes with neither combatant gaining much of an upper hand. Avian did pull out a single victory though, in her first spar with Oluo, though a great deal of her win can be attributed to the man's overconfidence.

Being around two feet taller and much, much larger, the brazened man failed to take the bout seriously and, in the end, was not only was he beaten, but thanks to her knowledge of pressure points and her bony knuckles, he was left with a dead arm for the next hour which was made for much laughter and crude jest. Oluo had not taken the incident lightly and, in their next spar, he had nearly dislocated Avian's elbow and left her with a busted lip.

Aside from the relative roughness of the fights, Avian did surprisingly well with holding herself together, pushing on despite the pain and exhaustion, keeping true to her declaration of putting her all into everything she does.

This includes her reintroduction to the Three Dimensional Movement Gear in the beginning of September. Because she was able to get a slight understanding of how to balance awhile airborne because she practiced back near her home all those months ago, she was able to adjust quickly. In fact, balance was the one thing she had next to no trouble with.

Her body is petite and light, so even the slightest movements did not affect her equilibrium as much as a fully grown person's size would. Along with her size, Hanji's tests had already proved her exceptional balance, and not even a day or so after training on a makeshift tripod used by trainees to allow them to get used to how to steady themselves while in the air, she had moved on to actual usage, swinging and weaving through the trees near the castle.

The downside of her size, however, is that every slight use of gas sends her flying, and any kind of strong burst of speed or gust of wind leaves her racing almost uncontrollably. Her muscles were not strong enough to control herself in the midst of flight. There had been many occasions where she had nearly killed herself by ramming into a trunk or branch because she couldn't control her trajectory at such a speed.

It is by far one of the sloppiest uses of 3DMG I've ever seen, but as Hanji points out to me regularly, it will take a long time before that woman becomes adept with the device, and even then, Erwin had made it clear that she would be used mainly for her titan abilities and not for her combat skills with the gear.

In-air combat is much the same; her progress improves with each day, however it's nothing impressive. Being use to the claws at the ends of her titan form's fingers, Avian had no problem with wielding titan slaying blades and navigating with them in hand. Once again, it is her size and lack of muscle that holds her back. The act of slicing through thick leather to mimic titan skin took a great toll on her thin arms and, though her strength is growing by the day, she runs out of energy quickly, and there are times where her blades become stuck in the leather, making herunable to pull them free without assistance.

Along with physical training, Hanji had taken to educating Avian on everything from life inside the walls to all information humankind knows about titans and their abilities. Due to many of their talks lasting for several hours, all teaching lessons were put on hold until my one-on-one fighting sessions with her ended, thus opening up the entire evening after supper to be used for lecture.

I had never attend any of these stupid discussions, but from Hanji's reports, that woman is an attentive student and what she lacks in physical attributes t, she makes up for it with brilliance.

Avian proved to be able to absorb information like a sponge, showing fantastic memory when it comes to maps, diagrams, and other visual teaching aids. There is no better example of this than when Hanji began teaching her how to properly disassemble, clean, and reassemble her movement gear. Unlike most other cadets who can take up to two weeks to memorize the process of cleaning, along with the placement of all the various small components that make up the equipment, Avian had successfully took apart and pieced together her gear without assistance on the fourth day of the lesson.

In fact, so adept is she at memorizing and understanding how different parts of a machine fit and work together,my entire squad, mostly led by Gunther, started a game during our downtime.

What is this ridiculous game you might ask?

Well, it involves challenging that brat to solve various puzzles by either having her reassemble something that had been taken apart prior, or splitting things that seemed helplessly conjoined.

The entire thing started on a fluke, really. Somehow, while in the middle of training one day, Gunther's movement gear malfunctioned and two circular fastening pins that secured the fan in place dislodged themselves and became entangled by their open, rounded ends. He spent the better part of an hour trying to separate them, but the two rings seemed helplessly connected.

Always one to offer assistance, Avian asked to have a hand at it and, while Gunther told her it was impossible, handed the rings to her anyway. Not five minutes later when all of us, including Gunther and myself, were finishing up maintaining our equipment, that stinking brat sauntered back in, emitting air of pride and accomplishment and placed two separated pins on the table. Needless to say, the brown haired man was speechless, and thus, the curious game began. Even now that we are back in Stohess, Avian is working on reassembling an old mechanical clock found in one of the old storage rooms.

All in all, our time spent here had been a success, and it's quite interesting to witness how her relationships had evolved. There'snothing like mutual struggle to forge bonds between soldiers, and though her time with our squad has been brief, it is obvious that that woman has formed great attachment with each member.

Joined together by common attributes, it came as no surprise that Eren and Avian became close. Even with his sometimes explosive, rather annoying rage,first demonstrated when that woman asked him about the three shifters that were once a part of his trainee squad, she had shown to have a good level of tolerance. Albeit highly taken aback by such negative and adamant emotion, she put up with it quite well, all things considered, staying silent and unmoving, simply listening until Eren's rant and anger subsided. Outside of the teen's revenge driven antics, the two worked well together, and over the course of her training, Avian has offered much advice in regards to titan shifting, instructing the boy on how to maintain control.

Avian's bond with Petra is just as strong as the one she has with Eren. Having been the only female she was granted interaction with her first few weeks, Avian clings to the older woman like a child at times, following her around the castle and spending most of her free time conversing.

Petra always found ways to help her out, giving her advice and, at one point, offered to show her how to make different kinds of food, including that stale ass bread Avian had fallen in love with before. For some reason, feminine tasks became the bulk of most of their conversation. Everything from cooking to washing and ironing clothes, both of them converse easily as they work, though Petra does not hesitate when it comes to correcting Avian when she messes up.

Even if Petra's reprimands came with the sole intention of helping her, it was Petra herself who admitted that the ginger's attempts at making bread resulted in loaves so hard that they could be used as bricks.

With Hanji, everything is a different story. Just how that shitty brat can tolerate her spazmatic energy is mystery that I have no intention of figuring out. Perhaps it's was because their personalities are so different. Where as Hanji is outgoing, excitable, and talkative, Avian is reserved, relatively calm, and quiet.

The only thing those two seemed to have in common is their love for knowledge and learning - sharing mutual curiosity for the world around them. Perhaps it was due to her utter ignorance, every lecture and speech Hanji makes has Avian listening with eager ears, letting the scientist do all the talking. It's funny how such polar opposites can interact so well, but maybe that's exactly why it can.

They balanced each other's weaknesses, complimenting the other in such a way that their personalities don't clash. I can only imagine the kind of chaos that would ensue if Avian and Hanji had the same damn charisma. Just the thought of it makes me mentally cringe in disdain.

Avian's relationship with Eld and Gunther are pretty much the same, both acting like brotherly figures in a way. While there was not as much interaction between them, that brat does seem to heed their advice. In fact, she seemed to enjoy whatever small idle talk they make.

Being the stricter of the two when it comes to staying on task, Gunther helps her to stay focused, while Eld gives mutual support in that wordless way of his. During the rare times when he actually spoke out, Avian absorbs Eld's every word, possibly able to sense his immense experience and wisdom gained from his many years in the field.

Out of everyone, Oluo is the most at odds with her. Communication is kept to a minimum unless that man decides to make some sort of smart remark, and Avian tends to keep out of his way whenever she can.

Ever since his embarrassing upset during their first spar, Oluo's behavior towards her has been that of strong dislike, making it no secret that he still holds it agaisnt herfor making him look like an utter fool, even though he has no one to blame but himself.

A few weeks prior to our return home, their relationship did improve slightly. However, in a bit of crude humor, Oluo slipped in horse shit while cleaning the stables one day, earning himself a grand round of snickers,that of course set his infamous temper to boil.

Though she had laughed along with everyone else, Avian was the one who offered her hand to him and, despite the obvious tension, was genuine in wanting to help him up again.

Possibly out of spite, or as a test to see if she really was as honest as she says, Oluo consented to roughly accept her offer, slinging his disgusting shit covered hand into her own as everyone watched on in utter disgust. Much to our surprise as well as his own, that woman didn't flinch at the filth, stating that she was very much used to it, and merely scrunched her nose slightly against the putrid smell as she helped him up. As appeasement for laughing at him, she even offered to wash his clothes for him and, though Oluo declined. Since then, his treatment towards her became slightly better after that.

That woman proved to be a complimenting addition to our team, forging bonds even with her astounding lack of social skills and awkwardness. That underlying thread of fate that binds humanity together is as prominent within her as it is with every other normal human born inside the walls.

Outsider, shifter, or not, that unseen tether had weaved its way into our small band, and followed us all the way back home.

It's the first of November now, and it's was interesting to see just how much that thread has evolved Avian over the past two and a half months. Drawn together by close proximity over such an extended amount of time, she had managed to overcome her fear and uncertainty to make herself a place with everybody in our tightly knit squad….

Well, everybody except one….

Even now as we walk together across the courtyard to head towards the Recon Corp's office building, I feel nothing different in regards to her. Time had not affected our relationship, as if I would allow it to; that woman is a subordinate, a soldier-in-training, and nothing more. And it has nothing to do with a failure on her part. In fact, she's been borderline annoying with her attempts to befriend me, doing everything from helping with chores to trying to instigate conversation.

Her frailty had done nothing to appease my judgment, and I've made sure that she received the same treatment as anyone else- degrading comments, physical criticism, and cursing included.

In all honesty, I don't even understand the motive behind her apparent attempts of friendliness. It's was as if the thought of me being of superior rank, skill, strength, and along with everything else, have never ever once crossed her mind.

Not only is she irritatingly persistent in her attempts to impress me, just as most new recruits are, always trying to weasel their way into becoming something more than the small minded cadets they are. Hypothetically, even if she WAS something more than that of a normal cadet, it wouldn't matter anyway.

Though still technically under my command, Erwin has decreed that she be placed in a new team, the Recon Corp's first Special Operations Aid and Relief squad, or SOAR for short. With the new squad and utilizing her titan form's enhanced speed and agility to full advantage, Avian's primary job will be to seek out and rescue endangered and wounded soldiers with the sole purpose of reducing injury and fatality rates.

The exact nature and function of this squad is highly subjective depending on the mission, but it's basis is the same.

As we near the front doors to the office complex, Avian stirs beside me, fidgeting out of nervousness.

"So these people…." She begins hesitantly, "…Will i be accompanying them from now on?"

"For the next two days so you can get acquainted, yes." I reply curtly, keeping my eyes fixed ahead. "You're still under my command, but you will be subjected to their authority as well, so do well to obey their every order as you would with me."

She does not give me reply, but I know that she understands the unspoken implication.

Withholding any further questions she might have, we enter the large, stone building in silence, the wooden door closing solidly behind us. A grand hallway much like the one found in the dorm building greets us, it's dank walls lit every few feet by bright torches. Heavy doors line both sides, each leading to a separate room for every individual commanding officer, ranks divided by each floor with the lowest on bottom and highest on top.

Being a Lance Corporal, my own office is on the second floor, but there is no need to go there for today. Instead, I lead the way down to the first floor hall dedicated to squad leaders, that woman following me at my heels until we reach one of the last doors on the left.

Before we even enter, the sound of soft conversation can be heard, and I can tell that everyone that will encompass Avian's new squad is already present. Without a knock or any other form of announcement, I walk in. Inside, four people turn their heads, two male, two female, all their eyes centering first on me, then on the woman behind me with a wide range of expression.

"Ah, there you are." A calm voice calls out from behind a paper laden desk. "Please, have a seat." He continues with a smile, motioning to a couch parallel to him against the opposite wall.

At the prompt, Avian shuts to door and we both take a seat. Already I can feel the anxiety coming off the woman in waves. Once there, the person who spoke first stands up and makes his way over to greet us, the other man and two women watching on in various other places in the room.

"Corporal." The man nods to me, obviously knowing better than to initiate physical contact. "It is an honor and a privilege to know that one of your squad will be with us. I imagine Erwin has already spoken to you about what it is that we will be doing?"

"Yes." I answer him curtly, taking the man in.

He is relatively young, possibly in his late twenties if I had to guess, and his short and messy blond hair is so fair it's almost white. His eyes are an unusual shade of blue that turns purple in the slight glow of sunlight shining through the window behind him, but his face is kind and, as unusual as his appearance is, he looks responsible enough.

"I assume you're Squad Leader Gauche Kurobari?" I inquire, to which the man nods.

"That I am."

At that, Gauche turns his attention to the woman beside me, offering her a welcoming smile.

"And you must be the one I've heard so much about. Avian Conner?"

Avian nods a lot more curtly than I'm sure she had intended, and responds with a swift 'Yes, sir'.

"There is no reason to be nervous. I'm not here to bite your head off, I promise." Gauche continues to smile, crouching down to the woman's sitting height and extends his hand. "I'm happy to finally meet you, Avian."

At first, that woman merely stares at him, then jerks into motion as if suddenly remembering that she needs to fulfill her end of the gesture. With great care, she gently clasps his palm with her own, and they shake hands.

"Before we continue on, I'd like to introduce you to the rest of the squad." Gauche tells her as he stands. "Just behind me is Zaji Vashuka."

The leader motions to the only other male in the room; a younger looking fellow with messy jet black hair and brown eyes that stare from his position leaned up against the wall. He wears a large, baggy hat that looks like an oversized, blue beanie with the brim facing backwards, and his gaze is highly calculating. The man says nothing.

Unperturbed, Gauche continues, moving on to point to the first of the women who waits patiently beside the desk. She is of average height and slight build, with soft looking short tan hair framing her narrow face.

"That is Roda Lode, my second in command." He introduces, and the woman nods slightly.

"We're glad to have you." She says softly calmly, her black eyes more welcoming that the man before her.

After her short greeting, Gauche then moves on to the second female. Unlike the others, this woman stands rigid with her arms crossed as she regards Avian. She is of average height as well, but she more than makes up for her lack of size with her appearance.

Her hair is colored like gold, so long that even in matching pigtails, it falls down to her waist. Her round face is accentuated by some of the most vivid blue eyes I've ever seen, and in all honesty, she would look quite beautiful if it wasn't for the sour look scrunching up her features.

"Last but not least is Niche Maka." Gauche names, and before he can say anything more, Niche pouts, staring at the woman beside me with piercing eyes.

"She's a runt." She states bluntly, casting a gaze at Gauche. "You sure this is the shifter everyone has been talking about, Goos?"

"It is." The man replies, sighing at her harsh tone and that ridiculous nickname. "And do try to not be so callous with our newest member..."

"It's just the truth." Niche pouts more. "I find it hard to believe she can do anything with as small as she is."

"Maybe we can use her as bait?" Zaji comments crudely, making a small shrug. "Who cares as long as she doesn't jack anything up and stays out of my way."

The blond woman moves to say something else, but before she can, Roda shuts her up with a level glance.

"That is enough." She orders calmly, her voice just as low and soft as before.

Without really meaning too, I let out sound of slight amusement.

"So these are the soldiers handpicked by Erwin for their excellent in-battle defensive skill and recovery rates…" I comment, eyeing the two prickly soldiers before returning my gaze to the blond man in front of me. "You've got quite a crude pair, here."

"Yes… They are rather blunt, and honest to a fault, though they know better than to be so under-handed." The man sighs, refusing to look at them. "But they are some of the most skilled the Recon Corps has to offer, and highly proficient in what they do."

"Whatever you say…" I blink, not at all interested in hearing about their qualifications or statistics, and continued as if the others are not in the room. "Look, I don't have time for chit chat, so just cut straight to the point. Are there some papers I need to sign, or what?"

Gauche nods. "There are. Just a few forms permitting us temporary claim of Avian for the course of this upcoming mission. It's kind of unnecessary, but apparently the higher ups what to keep good track of everywhere she goes." He says, retrieving a small stack of forms from his desk before handing them all to me. "There isn't much to discuss as far as that is concerned, all they need is your signature and mine. Depending on the results of the mission, SOAR will either be made permanent, or be disbanded, so this documentation is only valid for the course of our operation. Once it's completed, Avian will be back under your full command until they review our conclusive reports."

I frown at the papers but take them. "Tch. Those lazy MP's and their damn paperwork. No wonder they sit on their asses all day…"

Gauche does well to not make comment, instead leaning back to cross his arms. "They don't need to be done now, but Erwin has stated that he needs those papers as soon as possible. The mission can't start without them."

Beside me, Avian shifts, rubbing her hands together out of nervous habit, and makes a quiet noise to gain Gauche's attention.

"I… if I may be permitted to speak…" she begins uncertainly. "…I have an inquiry."

The blond turns to her in interest, "Of course. What do you want to ask?"

"You keep speaking of this mission that we will be required to commence together, but I have no knowledge of what is about to transpire. What is it that we will be doing, exactly?" She questions with slight confusion.

"I'm surprised Corporal Levi hasn't told you…" that man states, casting a questioning glance at me, to which I merely scowl.

"Not my problem, and I don't feel like wasting my breath." I respond flatly. " She's under your command now. You tell her."

Gauche says nothing, but he does close his eyes for a moment, possibly to gather his thoughts, before opening them again to look at the ginger."I'll be more than happy to give you the details later on, but the basic plan is to try and create a byway to Wall Rose." He begins, as Avian listens intently. "Since the gate in Trost is permanently blocked, we will depart from Karanese, making our way south to the Forest of Giant Trees. Just on the other side of it is Castle Mittefeld which we plan on turning into a temporary stronghold for supplies and soldiers. Erwin plans on using the forest as protection the second half of our journey, but before we get there, it's all open ground. Our job will be to protect the most vital supply wagons until we reach the castle, simple enough?"

The woman nods slightly."I understand. What is it that we will taking with us on the wagons?"

"Numerous things: food, equipment, building material…. The whole point of retaking the castle is to give us a pit stop on our way to Maria. Once there, it'll be a little easier to transport whatever cargo we need in order to seal the hole in the Wall Maria gate."

"The gate that was compromised not too long ago?"

"Of course it's that gate." A snarky voice calls from the right where Niche glares at the woman like she just insulted her mother. "What else would he be talking about? For someone who talks with such big words, you sure don't know jack, do you?"

"Niche, that's enough!"

At Gauche's curt voice, the blond haired woman raises her hands in the air beside her, "It's true! Do you really expect me to like, not to mention trust, someone who doesn't even know basic history of something that happened just a FEW MONTHS AGO?"

"That is no excuse for such behavior." He scolds her. "We aren't here to judge her on her knowledge, and if you really have that hard of a time working together, I'll make sure you are placed on the exterior guard so you can work alone."

"If you do that with her…" Zaji adds in, not moving from his position on the left wall, " …then I want to be put on exterior guard as well. I want nothing to do with this shifter woman until I know for myself that she won't get us all killed."

"Zaji…" Gauche tries to cut him off, but the cool man continues.

"You saw how she acted at Wall Rose just like everyone else did." He points out, keeping his eyes on his leader. "Sure, she helped save lots of people's asses, but so what? Not only did she deliberately disobey orders, but she was a freaking wild beast in that titan form of hers. I don't know about you, but one sloppy ass mission isn't enough to convince me to just place my life in her hands like you want us to. Look…"

At this, Zaji rights himself and casts his eyes between Gauche and me, "… I hate to be a killjoy, but I agree with Niche. I don't plan on abandoning my post or some stupid shit like that, but if I'm going to work with a variable, I want to put my own two cents in about it. I'll go through with whatever you say Gauche, but I'll only do so because I trust YOU, that's it."

Heavy silence follows his words, and no one makes a move. Gauche and Zaji keep their gazes deadlocked as if communicating on a wordless level, and Niche watches on, arms crossed. From what I can tell, Roda is the only one in the room aside from me to be completely unbothered by the tension in the atmosphere, her dark eyes watching the scene calmly. Though I don't spare her a glance, I feel waves of anxiety coming off of Avian stronger than ever, and I'm slightly intrigued that she's taking such criticism so hard.

'_This is going to be a damn rocky road you'll be walking.' _I think to her as the silence continues on unbroken by either word or movement.

Finally, when it seems that everyone has been frozen like a statue, my impatience rises, and I get fed up with the waiting.

"Well if there is nothing else to discuss, I'm leaving." I announce, drawing everyone's attention as I stand. "Unlike you, I've got shit to do."

"Of course." Gauche nods, "I apologize for their behavior, and for taking up so much of your time."

I don't answer him, instead I make my way around and open the door, papers in hand.

"Just make sure you keep her in line." I call out over my shoulder without looking. "The brat's got a rebellious streak when it comes to not doing as she's told in the heat of the moment."

"Will do." The fair haired man replies, and without another word, I shut the door behind me.

'_Truth hurts, doesn't it Conner?' _I muse as I make my way down the hall, recalling how nervous the woman was with a deep scowl. _'Least you're out of my hair for a while. Maybe with those two sour mouthed cadets, she'll finally start growing a damn backbone and stop being such a sniffling coward. All that anxiety gets on my freaking nerves.'_

With a sigh, I glare at the stack of papers in my hand and yearn to be rid of them."This plan of yours better work Erwin, otherwise you'll owe me for making me waste so much of my time and patience."

…

The next two days go by in a blur of work as the entire Recon Corps work together to prepare for the mission ahead. There is so much to do: repair and assign carriages, as well as load them with whatever we need to transport, assigning squads, formation organization, hauling of building material, repairing and maintenance of movement gear, and the damn list goes on.

But even with all the work to be done, somehow, we manage, and in what seems like a blink of an eye, we wait in urgency as the Karanese gate rises above our heads, throwing a checkerboard shadow over the legion of soldiers waiting for the order to depart.

Much like the company that assisted with the defense of the breech at Wall Rose, the formation is huge, enlisting the help of over two hundred Recon soldiers, as well as another one hundred from the Garrison who will be left with the task of maintaining Castle Mittefeld once we make our leave to return to Stohess.

In order to create somewhat of an even layer of defense for all carts involved, the most elite of the Recon Corps soldiers have been divided among the entire formation to add to the overall integrity of the legion. Because of this, my squad has been temporarily split with each senior member being assigned leader of their own squads in various positions of the formation, Gunther and Petra near the rear, with Eld and Oluo in the front.

Being the strongest soldier in the Corps, I myself have been assigned to guard the equipment carriages positioned directly in the center of the formation. Containing everything from extra 3DMG to highly valuable machinery and schematics essential to navigation as well as everything that we will need to block off the hole in the Wall Maria gate.

Because of its size, one whole cart is dedicated to carrying a large, weighted metal netting exactly like the one used to block of the breech in Wall Rose. Due to lack of technological development, all cannons and defensive measures constructed atop Wall Maria are ineffective and, since there had never been a breach before the first attack made by the Colossal titan five years ago, there are no moveable cannons, nor was there a protective netting to block the gate.

Beside me, Eren shifts atop his horse, gripping the reins hard in his hands, absolutely prepared for what lays ahead. Aside from him, I'm in charge of two other newer soldiers that I've never interacted with before: A mellow, broad shouldered man named Jax Bluff who guards the rear, and a serious looking woman by the name of Victora Klein on Eren's opposite behind me. Thankfully these two are not much for talk, so when the gate finally comes to a thudding halt, Erwin's voice can be heard clearly from his position at the head.

"The 60th expedition outside the walls begins now!" he calls, and horses whinny and stamp their hooves in anticipation. "Soldiers….! ONWARD!"

With a sound like a roll of thunder, hundreds of steeds and carts are spurred into motion, and we move forward, pouring out the gate like water. Cold wind kisses my face as I follow, my squad and assigned cart just on my heels. Already, the formation begins to split apart into several separate groups as needed to implement Erwin's Long Distance Travel Formation, and soon identifying individuals becomes impossible as a stretch of green spreads out before us, buffed and hardened by the harsh late autumn chill.

Even with proper clothing and mantle, a coarse chill seeps its way through my clothes, and even though our pace is severely slowed by the weight of the carts we need to protect, any exposed skin quickly cools and becomes half numb. Not even the thick, white cloth gloves I wear staves the biting completely.

'_At least this piss ass cold will help in slowing any titans.' _I muse bitterly, casting a calculating glance at the overcast sky.

There isn't much that affects titan activity as far as we know, but at least in the winter months, the change in temperature and weather slows them down. We aren't completely sure if cold affects their bodies, though it seems like it does.

Every year, though their bodies are still extremely hot to the touch, their movements are slightly more restricted and slow as if their skin is too tight or their joints are frozen stiff. In any case, the constant dreary ass weather that comes with winter blocks most of the sunlight that they seem to rely on, thus inhibiting their activity. Out of all the year, now is the best time for missions such as this, when titan activity is at its lowest, so I really shouldn't complain, nor be surprised. Erwin had already made it clear that he wants Wall Maria retaken by the end of the cold months when we have the best advantage, but all I hear from that is 'constant work with no real break until freaking February'.

'_It better be worth it, otherwise I'm gonna be pissed.'_

Because of our location in the innermost center, most of our ride is bland, uninteresting, and boring as hell. Colored smoke flares shoot into the sky often, changing our course many times, and I can just see the tall bodies of titans far in the distance as they are cut down. It's hard to say how well the mission is going from here, since we are so far away from any action, but about half way through, a single cloaked figure on horseback makes its way to us from the left.

"Corporal…" Eren calls to gain my attention, the first thing he has said the entire expedition thus far.

"I see him."

Cold eyes following the figure, it comes closer and I recognize the face of Armin Arlert, and by the surprised sound that comes from the teen behind me, Eren see's who it is as well. When he gets near enough, I speak first.

"What the hell are you doing over here. Aren't you with the left hand navigation team?"

"I am," the blond replies hastily, eyes serious. "but I was asked to pass on warning that there is a large group of titans coming from our left, and approaching fast."

At the news, my eyes narrow. "How many?"

"At least five, all larger than ten meters."

"Any aberrants?"

"It's impossible to tell, but the left guard has been hit hard already. We've lost a total of three squads and a supply cart."

Behind me, Eren makes an angered noise.

"We aren't even half way to the forest yet!" he yells, and the teen is promptly rebuked by Victora from the other side.

"Don't get riled up." She orders sternly. "There is no way every soldier and every cart will be able to make it to the forest, so quit acting like this is a surprise to you, rookie."

The teen makes another noise as if he wants to say something but rightfully keeps quiet. Slight scuffle over, I turn my attention back to the blond recruit.

"Will they be able to make their way inside the formation?" I ask, and the blond frowns.

"They might. At the pace we are now, we won't be able to outrun them, but there is a small, abandoned town up ahead that my team will use to try to ambush from. However, if that fails, then there is nothing between you and the titans."

"What about Connie and Sasha's squad? I thought they were near you?" Eren asks, and Armin shakes his head.

"They were, but I don't know where they are now. Our formation became scrambled after the first few incidences."

"What about that new SOAR group Erwin made." A male voice calls from the back, and I turn to see Jax watching levelly. "Aren't they supposed to help with reinforcing the flanks?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen them since the beginning of the mission. If I had to guess, they are somewhere up ahead…" Armin answers uncertainly, but even with just a guess, the boy's intellect is amazingly accurate, so I have no problem trusting his judgment.

"Erwin must have a plan for them if they are up ahead." I state, all eyes turning to me, but I ignore them, keeping my gaze on the blond. "Is there anything else?"

Armin shakes his head.

"No, and I have to get back."

"Fine. Thanks."

The blond replies with a silent nod of his head, then he pulls the reins and steers away from us, heading back the way he had come. Though the nature of his visit is serious, I'm not all that worried over it. Armin may be a new cadet fresh out of training, but his mind has been remarked as the brightest out of his entire regiment. Our interaction has been little to none, but it was made obvious that both Pixis and Erwin place their trust and faith in him, so I have no trouble with giving him mine.

"Shouldn't we be helping?" Eren inquires behind me as Armin becomes little more than a dot in the distance.

"No. Let the scouting squads do their job, brat." I frown, looking ahead again. "He may be your friend, but you've got to understand that nothing must deter you from your objective. Whether he dies or not isn't up to us."

My voice comes out a little harsher than I intended to, but the teen says nothing, falling into tense silence. With one eye trained on the area to our left, we continue on, nothing but dry grass and the occasional tree to break up the scenery.

In the distance, I'm able to spot other carts carving the way ahead of me, and though I'm sure there are soldiers fighting for their lives on either side of me, I can neither see or hear them, leaving a quiet that is solemn and heavy with gravity.

Time passes in uneasy peace, with no flares issued to the sky. Amazingly, it seems that the left guard did their job, for there had been no titans that have made their way to us yet, and as we round a steep hill, a chunk of woodland comes into sight: The Forest of Giant Trees. For a moment, it almost seems we will reach the forest line without incident, but just from the corner of my eye, shots are fired and, from the direction of the left guard, a solid, solitary black flare cuts into the sky.

'_Damn it.'_

Without word, the entire squad tenses and we are forced to wait, unable to see the action happening adjacent to us due to a distant line of foliage blocking our sight. Then, from ahead of us, two horses burst through the tree line running at full speed, and just behind them, three giant forms stomp their way into the open.

"Eren, fire a flare." I order curtly, narrowing my eyes at the figures ahead, and already adrenaline begins to pound through me.

There is a slight bang as Eren does as he is told, and as we quicken our pace, the two horseback soldiers make a curve toward us, mantles flying. One of them, still too far away to identify, raises an arm and fires a red flare directly into the face of one of the chasing titans.

"Over here you overgrown cunt sack!" he yells, and I recognize the cruel voice of Zaji as he manages to distract the largest of the titans, a fifteen meter, leading it away from us back toward the trees.

The other soldier attempts the same tactic, but the other two monsters trailing him completely ignore the smoke fired in their eyes, instead they make their way to the center with arms flailing at their sides.

'_Aberrants.'_

They are still a good distance away, but I go ahead and place my hands on the hilt of my swords, my eyes never leaving the abnormal.

"Everyone, ready yourselves."

At my order, steel grates against steel as they all draw their blades, all eyes watching the oncoming giants. With a spur of his horse, the lone soldier swings around in an attempt to catch up to the titans, and I see the glint of sunlight shining off his drawn blades.

He clangs them together above his head, but that too, fails to gain the running titan's attentions. As I watch in contempt, the soldier leans forward on his horse, maneuvering so he rides directly behind the giants and with a swift motion, shoots out a cable into the lower back of the smaller one.

I hear him yell as he is yanked forward, aiming to cut down the titan's ankle to stop it's sprint, and it works. Titans' blood spurts out from the gash and it immediately falls, the soldier using his gas mechanism to fly out of the way to safety. Once on the ground, he lands heavily, rolling several times until he can hop back on his feet. his horse making a wide arc around to greet him. By this time, Zaji and the other titan are out of sight in the trees, but it isn't long before the dull thud of a giant body falling can be heard.

'_One down…'_

Unperturbed by its companion being stopped, the larger of the aberrants continues its mad dash to the center, and I frown at the idiotic, smiling look on its face. With a motion of my hand, I motion for the others to continue course as I break away, pulling steadily ahead to greet the giant with steel in hand.

"You're such an ugly face." I mutter darkly as it comes closer, "You should be happy that I'm about to slice that mug of yours right open."

Once it is near enough, I draw my swords and shoot my cables at the beast, catching it right in the center of its fatty chest and fly forward. It's sunken eyes follow me as I fly, and as I get closer, it opens its disgusting mouth to catch me.

Before it can even get close, I gas myself upward so that I fly above its head in a large arc, spinning in air to alter my direction. Without stopping, the titan continues under me, and all I see is exposed neck flesh begging to be cut through.

Without hesitation, I shoot my cables into its neck and faster than it can react, I gas forward and spin, slicing a huge chunk of flesh with ease and the giant immediately falls to the ground. With a single cable to catch myself, I maneuver around and use the monster's body as a landing platform. It's body is hot, and already steam emanates from its skin, but it's better than landing on hard ground. Looking down at the blades in my hands, I find them covered in titan gore and I scowl.

"Tch. Disgusting."

Taking a clean cloth from the pocket of my jacket to wipe them off, I cast my eyes ahead and see that the other soldier has taken care of the other titan and is already atop his horse, Zaji at his side.

"That was close." The unfamiliar soldier says. "I thought we'd never stop them in time, Thanks Corporal."

Before I can reply, Zaji steers his horse and yells at the soldier for his attention.

"We don't have time for thanks. Get your ass back to your post before they make it into the forest. Everyone needs to be in position for all of us to make it through."

At one, the soldier nods.

"Yes, sir!"

With that, he dashes off back in the direction he came from. Before he follows him, Zaji turns and gives me a curt nod of thanks, a deep scowl cutting his face in two, and then he too is gone.

'_So SOAR isn't in the front as Armin thought.' _I ponder as I finish cleaning my hands and hop back onto my horse, slowly catching up to the other's in front of me. '_If Zaji is guarding the left, then that means that more than likely the other members are spread out just as well, one on the right and possibly the rest guarding the front.'_

With no conscious intention, I briefly ponder the location of Conner in all of this, and wonder just how well that cowardly, instinct driven woman is holding up. I haven't caught so much as a glimpse of her since I left her with Gauche two days prior, and a part of me plays with the possibility that she's been killed already.

'_It would serve her right for not obeying orders as she is supposed to.'_

Though I bear no ill will upon her, I honestly wouldn't be that surprised or devastated to learn of her death. Even with her training thus far, she is still a loose cannon and, as much as I loathe the death of any comrade, it is all to be expected, and I doubt it would make much of a difference if it was her or any other soldier.

Vaguely, I wonder if the woman would be insulted by such a notion, not that I really care. Soldiers die all the time, and I came to a point long ago where I realized that forming such attachments to every person I meet only leads to more pain, more suffering, more regret.

Whether she lives or dies is up to her, and I couldn't care less either way.

"Just what I've come to expect from Humanity's Strongest." Jax mentions as I near the cart again, the man giving me a respectful look.

I don't reply until I take my position back up front ahead of the cart, the forest drawing nearer and nearer.

"Don't lower your guard." I order, looking ahead. "If the left flank has been devastated enough for titans to make their way through, then the entire formation might as well be just as dismantled. We aren't out of this yet."

A series of consenting grunts answer me, but nothing more, and though I keep my attention straight ahead, I do not miss the slightly horrified look on Eren's face. There is nothing that anyone can say to comfort him, and I know from many years of experience that we can only hope that Arlert is still alive somewhere to our left.

All talk falls as the forest grows ahead of us, and in the distance I can see lines of soldiers and carts hurriedly making their way inside, soon hidden from view by shadows. Due to the narrow passage through, carts and squads are forced to ride in line with one another, forming a long train of humanity snaking its way through the trees.

As we near, I can see the cloaked forms of soldiers waiting atop the outermost branches, keeping a look out for any titan that my follow us inside. It's only a glimpse, but most of the soldiers there are of the 104th Trainees, though skilled soldiers like Mikasa Ackerman and veteran Corps members are nowhere to be seen, possibly somewhere inside the forest.

Following behind a cart filled with food rations, my squad steadily enters the forest and soon, there is nothing but trees on either side of us, casting the entire area around us in shadow.

"Corporal…"

Eren's voice is light on the air, and though he doesn't say anything more, I know by the tone of his voice that he hears the sounds of battle ahead of us as clearly as I do. It's still a distance away, but the trunks of these massive trees bounces the sound around, making every clash of blades, every titan roar, every human scream reverberate and echo.

"How are there titans in here?" Victora spits behind me as we ride. "These trees are a natural barrier between the titans and us. Don't tell me the things got smart enough to make their way in."

"The trees are a barrier." Jax calmly replies, voice grave. "But you can't expect it to be one hundred percent effective. And ever since the 57th expedition and the failed capture of the Female Titan, I'm sure many of those things got stuck in here as a result of running headlong into the forest. I heard that the Female called them to her and they devoured her body, enabling Annie to escape. Those same titans are probably still here, too stupid to find their way out."

Victora makes a disapproving scoff."Those damn things."

Her voice is tight, but I hear the slight clink of metal against metal, and know that the woman has her hands upon her hilts, ready at a moment's notice. As excellent as the trees are in providing adequate 3DMG versatility and movement, they pose a severe disadvantage as well, their massive trunks able to hide titans from view until it's too late, and as we ride, the sounds of fighting grow louder and louder.

Tension rises with each gallop, my body tense and senses working overtime, deciphering every snap of a twig, every cry, ever rustle of bush, all attention focused on finding any sign that a titan might be near. Then, just ahead of us, a tree trunk rustles and, before the driver can maneuver the cart, a seven meter class appears to our right.

With a face as expressionless as a rock, it spies the cart and in one swift motion, bends over and slaps the ground ahead of it, throwing a cloud of dirt up and hiding the careening carriage as it struggles to stop in time. Through the dirt screen, all I see is the shadow of a hand and, in the next instant, the sound of wires reeling in comes from above, and a figure arcs down, slicing the neck in half and the titan falls.

"Is that…" Eren gasps behind me as the figure turns, flying into the trees, and the teen smiles. "Oluo! And Gunther!"

At his voice I look up and, just as he said, the two older men fly above my head on their gear, blades covered in steamy blood. There isn't any time for communication, but Gunther does spare me a grim nod as we pass by, the carriage ahead of us making its way around the evaporating body of the downed titan before continuing forward. In only a few seconds, they are out of sight, flying from tree to tree on the constant lookout for more titans.

Not too far down the trail, another pair of soldiers greet us from above, and another kilometer after that, another pair. All the way down this stuffy, titan littered trail are pairs of elite soldiers patrolling, escorting us in their own section of forest before giving us over to the next pair in line.

In this way, though there are many titan bodies melting away on the sidelines, and many more held back thanks to our overhead ushers, no monster breaks through the line, allowing for swift passage through. Along the way, we see many familiar faces: Eld, Ymir,, Petra, Mike, Nanaba, and Mikasa, among others, each flying above us like guardians.

At one point, though we never see her, Hanji's exuberant laughter can be heard cracking through the forest, obviously enjoying herself where ever she is. Thanks to all their efforts, travel is unhindered and even though this forest is huge as hell, bright sunlight shining through a break in the tree line greets us faster than we could have expected.

Up ahead, a great glowing gateway leading out into the open yawns, carriage after carriage making its way through.

'_Almost there.'_

As we near, I look up to see who it is that will be escorting us on our final length, but there is nothing but shadowed tree branches. Distantly, I hear the sound of commotion from within the depths of the trees, but it's impossible to pinpoint exactly where the sound comes from. The commotion slowly becomes louder and louder until I can hear individual voices yelling and the solid, racking thuds of titans running, punctuated by the cracking of wood breaking.

"Something's happening." Victora yells behind me, eyes glued to the side where the noise is coming from. "You don't think the sound of the entire formation going through the forest attracted more of those damn things, do you?"

"It very well could." Jax replies solemnly. "We've gone through this entire wood with little resistance so far, and this might be why."

"Whatever it is, keep going."

At my order, I feel three pairs of eyes suddenly upon me.

"Let the scouts do their job."

"But we can help them!" Eren calls, voice heated. "This place is perfect for our gear, and they could be getting killed for all we know!"

"No, Eren."

"PLEASE!"

His tone draws my attention and I spare a moment to look back at him. The teen's face is taut with equal parts horror and rage, and he doesn't need to say anything for me to understand that the screams sounding around us in the here and now aren't the only ones he hears.

Having spent enough time with the impulsive brat, I've come to understand that he's one to carry the weight of past missions upon him, and undoubtedly memories of our failed mission during the 57th expedition to capture the Female Titan are still very fresh in his mind. Even now, the heat of revenge burns in his eyes.

"We lost so many the last time, but we can change that now! I've gotten stronger! I have more control! Just give me the order and I can save them!"

"NO."

My voice is so hard that the teen can't help but recoil, and I pierce him with my gaze."Use your damn head for once, brat. If you transform now, then what? We'll be one man down and, even if you somehow manage to keep control of yourself, you'd be more danger to your comrades than to any titan. What if, in your fit of rage, you fail to keep your senses about you and attack with no regard as to who might be in your way? Soldiers could die because of your mindless flailing. Not only that, but they are buying us time so that we can get out of here alive. To stop would only prolong their fight, and abandoning our position just to satisfy your thirst for blood is a spit in the face to all those who are dead already."

Eren looks at me with a horrified gaze, but I continue.

"Are you really that willing to throw away what they have sacrificed their lives for? Not to mention defying a direct order from your superior officer and abandoning your given post in the process? What is it with you shifters that make you believe you can do just whatever the hell you want whenever the hell you feel like it? Or do you need a reminder at just how potent my blades in your flesh can be?"

At my threat, the teen seems to come to himself. Grasping the reins in his hands so tight his knuckles are white, he looks down shuts his eyes hard, possibly stopping tears."So… will you trust in your comrades? Or will you trust in yourself?"

He takes a moment to compose himself before answering."I'll trust them, Corporal."

"Good."

Without further prompt, I turn my attention back ahead. The carriage in front of me bounces on the dirt, but with each shutter, we are that much closer to our exit. Approximately one kilometer away and closing, there is still no sign of our escorts, and I can't help but begin to wonder if they have been killed. Just as I think that, however, the trail curves to the right around the giant trunk of a tree, and for a split second, I can see the exit in the tree line, and I gnash my teeth.

Up ahead, the outlet is a flurry of swinging blades and gas fumes as soldiers fly from tree to tree rapidly cutting down titan after titan as they try to make their way in.

I can just see the bright blond hair of Gauche as he swoops down and slices a four meter and five meter titan in one go, their giant bodies falling with satisfying thuds before he swings into the trees. With him are several others working together to try and break up the roadblock, and I see a blur of long hair as Niche screams, cutting the back of the legs of a fourteen meter clean off, another following behind her to hit the weak point. As we draw closer, the way becomes clearer, and with a last cut from a soldier I do not know, the pathway is free.

'_Now!'_

With a hard snap of the reins, I spur my horse forward at top speed, my team at my heels as we surge behind our cart. Above me, soldiers wave us on, some of their forms hidden by the large amounts of steam jetting from all the dead bodies around us, and for a moment, we all believe we are home free.

"TITAN INCOMING!"

Just as the announcement is made, the ground starts to rumble and from the direction of the commotion from earlier, a large fifteen meter appears behind us. Immediately I can tell it is an aberrant by the way it runs with its knees together and its head waggling from side to side, nasty titan saliva dribbling down it's chin. It wears that stupid grin most abnormals do, it's rotten teeth on display for all to see, and even from this distance I can spy splotches of red and pieces of uniform decorating it's maw.

"Corporal! It's after us!" Jax screams, looking behind him.

Just as he says, the titan veers once it is on the trail, turning so hard that one of its thin arms actually swings out and slams into a tree. The force is so great that the entire limb is smashed off, but the titan keeps on running full sprint, making a beeline for us. With a growl, I come to the realization that there is nowhere for us to go. With the cart ahead of us and the titan coming upon us quickly from the rear, we are trapped.

"Get your gear ready!"

Without waiting for their answer, I pull out my own blades and keep my eyes trained on the monster swiftly closing the distance behind us. Just above, jets of steam flash by as several soldiers fly past us in an effort to engage the beast.

Together, the two scouts fly around in an attempt to cut it down, but before they can, the monster seems to spot them and faster than they can react, swings its remaining arm. slapping them right out of the air.

If it's even possible, the titan picks up on it's speed after that, causing the soldiers to struggle as they try to keep up with it.. Before we know it, it is right infront of us, and my hands grip my blades so hard, it's painful. T

he order to abandon the horses rises in my throat, but just as I'm about to voice it, the titan suddenly cries and bodily fluid sputters out the back of its neck. In the next second, it crumples to the ground. It all happened so fast, that I mimic my team and can't help but stare at the body as it now begins to evaporate, seemingly cut down my an invisible force.

"MORE AHEAD!"

Gauche's yell breaks my awe, and up above he flies past us, throwing a look over his shoulder at someone I can't see.

"Avian, take the left!"

At the call, a tree to my left shutters, drawing my attention. There, clinging on with its long claws digging into the bark, the Child titan hangs, it's entire body covered in the steaming blood of the titan it just killed. I didn't even see her kill that titan with her incredible fluid speed, and at Gauche's order, her muscles bunch and like a flash of lightning, and she kicks off the tree so hard her bare feet cracks the wood into splinters. Nothing more than a blur, she flies well ahead where two more titans have managed to find their way in.

'_So she survived after all.'_

"That's the new shifter girl, isn't it?" Victora asks behind me, to which Jax quickly answers.

"It is. I heard that her speed and agility in that form are unmatchable, and from what I just saw, they weren't lying.."

In all honesty, it is quite impressive, though something seems off. Having watched her rampage while defending Wall Rose, I can tell that her movements are nowhere near controlled, and the way her body moves mirrors her jagged, jerky behavior from that mission as well.

The difference in her posture, actions, and overall bearing between when she is calm, as she was during Hanji's experiments, opposed to when she is flustered, as with Wall Rose, is highly different. Watching her sail through the air, it's easy for me to recognize that she is in no way in control of her emotions. The titan's body is too tense, her demeanor too stiff, and she used so much force with killing the aberrant that I now notice that two of her claws have broken clean off. Once again, it seems the woman is running on instinct alone, though she seems to be doing slightly better with following orders.

At Gauche's command, Avian keeps to the left while he stays to the right, quickly joined by Niche. Together, they bear down on the only two titans now blocking the way and, with a wave of his arm, all three fly into action.

As before, Niche and Gauche work as a team, the woman cutting down the titan's legs as the man makes quick work of the neck, easily taking it down.

At the same time, the Child titan sprints off a high branch, rocketing to the ground and impales the second titan through the neck, her claws almost knuckle deep. With a great heave and strangled yell that almost sounds like a roar, the titan slings the body into the trees, and for the briefest of moments I catch sight of the titan's face, and I'm surprised by the amount of anger and blood there. The odd thing is, this blood doesn't evaporate, and a pang twists in the deepest part of me because I know exactly what that means.

"THE WAY IS CLEAR!" Gauche calls.

The carriage in front of us gains speed now that there is nothing to stop us, and with thundering hooves, we break through the tree line and into the light. For a moment, I'm shocked by the sudden chilly air that greets me, the forest having protected us from the biting wind, but I hardly notice it for up ahead, just beyond the crest of a hill, lays a large, dark building. Lines of soldiers on horseback and supply carriages make a beeline for the structure, and thankfully, though there are spots of soldiers circling around the outside on the constant look out for danger, there is not titan in sight.

'_We're home free.'_

Possibly realizing that we are in the clear, Victora lets out triumphant noise.

"That son of a bitch thought it had us, but it was wrong!"

Even though my squad make joyous replies, and I too am glad that we made it here safely, the sound of screaming and the dark blood smears on the Child titan's body stay at the forefront of my mind. This first portion of the mission might be a success, but at what cost?

This wasn't a stationary mission like defending Wall Rose; soldiers were spread out, on their own, and I can only begin to guess just how many didn't make it in order to ensure our quarry made it to its destination.

'_And this is only the beginning…' _I frown, Castle Mittefeld drawing steadily near. _'…just how many of these faces around me will be gone by the end of the year when we make it to Maria? IF we make it?'_

As we ride, I can't help but glance at the faces of soldiers as we pass them. Everyone from senior soldiers such as Zaji who glares into the distance to my left, and Roda, watching the procession of supplies calmly and with an expert eye, down to the newest batch of trainees. Behind me, I hear Eren take a relieved breath upon catching sight of Armin from where the blond waits beside Roda, jotting down the contents of every carriage that passes by for inventory.

Up ahead, Ymir and Krista Lenz patrol on the right, while Sasha Blouse and Connie Springer guard the left, both looking a little worse for wear. Every face is a welcome relief, a soldier who managed to stay alive for yet another day, but even as satisfaction with every surviving member rises, so does the bitter taste of reality.

Every completed mission we make is a success, a victory for mankind, but I am in no mood to celebrate just yet. There is still work to be done, and so much can change between this mission and the next. There is no guarantee that things will continue to run this smoothly, no guarantee that this entire operation will even unfold. And even though there are many who survived, who will but struck down next?

All we can do is to prepare for what lies ahead; we hone our skills and the will to survive all for the singular purpose to become greater than the threat that tries it's best to end us. But for all our work and training, no one can know how things will turn out.

Just how many will be killed in our effort to gain back a fraction of what was taken from us? How many funeral pyres? How many death reports? How many folded mantles given to grieving families? It's kills me every time I think of it, and I loathe to admit, but all I or anyone else can really do is put our faith in Erwin and hope for fate to be gracious to us.

***Author's note***

Greetings my lovelies. I apologize that this is a day late. Been busy with work and school. Uggh… writing two essays at once is no fun at all. But anywho, I hope that this chapter is better than the last. I know that there wasn't much interaction, but we are getting to that here soon, and there hasn't been any titan killing action since Chapter 11, so I figured that we needed a little more of that. Plus, there needed to be a way to introduce the new SOAR team, and I figured it would be good to give you a glimpse of them in action. Just gonna quickly reply to some reviews here:

**Imafangirlforever: **I'm glad at least one person will read it if I decide to write a little side-fic thing. I am pretty determined in doing so, but really, there are only a few instances where I believe it would be worth getting inside Avian's head. Like I said before, one such instance would be the two months after Squad Levi returns home, and the whole dilemma she goes through bouncing back and forth with whether she should take up Eren's offer or not. I'm sort of leaning toward making them *Bonus* chapters in a way, and just might upload them here in this fic just to keep it together. Of course, I'll state that it's in Avian's POV and when it takes place and all that jazz so there is no confusion, but I've thought about it and there really isn't enough scenes/instances for me to make it into a side fic of its own so…. We'll see!

But yes, Hanji and Avian get along, lol. Our little shifter does have a love for learning new things, and I kind of like to think that their personalities balance out, and with as awkward as Avian still is, she probably appreciates someone who does all the talking for her lol.

I'm sorry that it was pretty much filler, but we all know that Hanji needed to get her little hands on Avian, and I couldn't figure out a better way to fully describe the Child titan aside from experiments so…. Please don't hate me :c

**AliLaShae: **I'm glad you're still enjoying it! Trust me when I say that heavy Levi x Avian interaction is coming but… just remember what I said to Jessie last week about not everything being rainbows and butterflies. I'll just let you have with a grain of salt.

**xDollfie: **Thank you for your lovely review! I could just cry ;u; And that you for the props as well. Darn you Levi for being so apathetic and stoic and strict and blunt and foul mouthed and… and… Gah!

You don't know how relieved I am to know that at least someone enjoyed the hot piece of crap that was the previous chapter. As stated above, the side-fic thing won't be a retelling of the story, and it will only consist of events where Levi isn't present, and their wouldn't be many chapters to it.

On that note, I'm very thankful for your suggestion about conflict between Avian and Levi, and just know that things will get rougher before they get better. *throws you a grain of salt*

I cannot say enough just how thankful I am for your suggestion, and that I really, truly appreciate the help! Us writers need criticism and pointers from other writers in order to better our stories, so any kind of advice is valuable.

As always, please leave your thoughts and comments in a review and I shall see you all next week! I'll be here writing and marathon-ing the English dub of the show like crack. Adieu!

-Ambi C:


	17. Negative Emotions

***Before I get started I would LOVE to thank Katialynne for the wonderful new cover art! All credit belongs to her, so thank her for her awesomeness o3o***

Chapter 17:

**Negative Emotions**

The first expedition in humanity's effort to take back Wall Maria was a success. Thanks to the efforts of every soldier involved, along with the leadership of Erwin Smith, most all supply carts made it to their destination, and not a single Garrison soldier was lost. Out of all quarry and manpower involved, only three carriages where lost, none overly significant, and the death toll only numbers in the fifties. Though not as low as we would have hoped thanks to all the titans that where still trapped in the forest since our 57th expedition, the death and injury rates were less than what was estimated, and after thorough examination of all squad leader reports upon our return, Darius Zackly decreed for continuation of our operation to retake Wall Maria, and for SOAR to remain in action.

The next two months, from the beginning of November to the end of December, is a mad dash of activity. In effort to reach the wall with the supplies needed to begin sealing the breech, Erwin instates a rigorous expedition schedule that has us going outside the walls as often as our supply stores allow, sometimes up to three missions in the same week. During this time, there is no room for any leisure of any kind, especially for squad leaders and soldiers bearing authority, myself included. Work is nonstop, and the help of every soldier is enlisted to help keep up with the demand of labor needed before each mission. Being one of the leaders closest to Erwin, this means a shit load of paperwork, inventory reports, and death records that I need to stay up until three in the morning just to finish. Granted, I'm not the only one losing so much sleep due to the workload, but knowing that Erwin and Hanji, just to name a couple, are just as exhausted as I am doesn't help me feel better about my own commissions. And since my senior squad members have been temporarily made leaders of their own teams, they are too busy with their own work to help out. I would have made that brat Eren help me, but he was snagged away after our first mission to help with loading carriages or some crap like that. With no one else, that just leaves Avian, which I'm not all too thrilled about, but nevertheless must deal with in order to ensure all my work gets done on time.

Much to my surprise, however, having the woman around isn't as bad as I initially thought. Sure, I had to explain just what it is that we would be doing and instruct her through every detail and, though I kept her to simple tasks such as organizing different documents, I find it a relief at just how quickly she picks up the routine. She proves to be more than capable of handling such assisting tasks, and from what I can tell, she doesn't seem to mind the extra work, even after throwing all she has into every mission. In fact, there are many things that I notice in our time together.

Always offering any assistance she can, the first thing made apparent to me is that she doesn't need to be asked to help, but instead takes it upon herself to initiate such aid. I made it a point to order her to help me in my office after every mission in the beginning, but after the end of the first week of expeditions, there have been many times where I've come to my office to find her already there of her own accord, ready to work. Subsequent missions are just the same, and I slightly appreciate the fact that she comes willingly to my office every afternoon, and stays well into the night some nights, ensuring that she can do all she can to ease my labor. As exhausted as she must be from the strain of battle, she never complains, even when it seems that I work her to death.

Because of the strenuous workload, much of my time inside the walls is spent working many hours in close proximity with her, which is a blessing as well as a curse. On the one hand, my work gets done much faster, which I'll never complain about. But on the flip side, with only the two of us together, I have to deal with hour after hour of small talk and pathetic conversation starters. Much as she did during her initial training in the old HQ building, Avian is persistent in her efforts to befriend me as she has with Petra and Eren. The woman never fails to greet me, always speaking in the same fashion every day with much the same questions. 'How are you today, Corporal?' 'What work shall we do?' 'When will we leave next?' Such diligence is annoying as hell. It's as if the woman completely forgets that this is a ranking officer she is speaking to, not a local you would find down in the market and hold everyday conversation with. Much to her credit, she is consistent, even when I answer her rudely, glare at her, snap and bark at her, even flat out ignore her sometimes. Through it all, something keeps the woman going as if she is desperate and starving for communication, but lately, that signature determination has begun to slip, which brings me to my next point.

Over the course of these past two months, a subtle change happens; a change so slow that I don't even think much of it until it's brought to my attention by Gauche Kurobari. Out of concern, the blond haired man made comment to me about Avian's state of mind, her emotional health as it were, and it wasn't until he pointed it out that I noticed that, indeed, the woman's demeanor has altered.

From the beginning, the ginger's personality never struck me as being one of melancholy. During her training, away from the stress of her trials and the suspicion of the populace, her true nature began to seep through. It is easy for anyone to see that she is a naturally kind and easy-going person who, once she is comfortable with the people around her, is frequent with smile and laugh. With nothing except sore muscles to bog her down, the woman was shown to be quite high-spirited, enthusiastic, eager to learn, helpful, and an overall content person. Because of her mellow personality, it never came to my attention that those positive aspects of her being began to slowly fade into the background, more so after each mission. Her smiles have become more forced, her laughs shorter and less genuine, even her appearance has begun to alter to a tone of gravity accentuated by darkening shadows under her eyes.

This isn't cause for much concern for me, as I've seen it all the time with new recruits. People change once they experience what lays beyond our solid walls and see with their own eyes all the pain and death that awaits us there. I've never gone to them myself because there is no time with all the work that needs to be done, but it has been reported to me by Gauche that he could always find the woman standing and watching the flames of funeral pyres as they burn in the night. Even with as many missions as we've completed, he has noted that Avian always helps with the unloading of bodies, and that she is always present at the fires once they start. From what he has told me, she is one of the only soldiers that stays behind to pay their respects, and even then, she is always the last one to leave, well after other soldiers have finished and gone about their business.

Not only has the stress of missions affected her spirit, it has also affected her bonds with people. Partially due to the workload thrust upon all soldiers in the Recon Corps, the woman hardly speaks to anyone, even members of my own squad. It's a steady decline of interaction over the course of several weeks, but it's a big enough change to warrant concern from Petra as well. She has expressed worry over the level of anxiety Avian seems to exhibit and, from the few small conversations the two women have shared, Petra believes that there is something deeper going on. Death is always a trial to endure, but she has made mention that there seems to be a hint of something else along with it, of which I agree.

During the first mission through the Forest of Giant Trees, I was intrigued by the look of anger I saw on the Child Titan's face, and the sheer amount of human blood that covered it's features. From every mission after, I've always made it a point to try and seek out the titan whenever I could and, though there have been times where I wasn't able to catch sight of her, the times that I DID see her are repeats of that first mission; face contorted in a mix of anger and pain, blood covering her small titan body like war paint. Each time she would come into my office after our return home, her posture would droop further, her voice would slowly loose it's peppiness, and her gaze would glaze over the papers laid in front of her, dull and tired. Though I make no mention of it, I'm highly aware of the toll that is being taken on the small woman, a weight that seems to affect her much harsher than the majority of the cadets around her though, they too, suffer much the same.

The more missions we complete, the more distressed she seems to become, and her mannerisms change accordingly. Idle talk between us lessens, but her drive to work increases, often to the point to where she labors herself so hard that she sometimes skips mealtimes altogether. While with me in my office, she bounces between humming to herself and talking under her breath as if to distract her mind from things she wishes to have no part of, and even then, there comes a point to where even her humming stops. Such change in mannerisms is common among new soldiers to try and deal with the stress of war and loss of comrades. They often find anything to distract their minds from such dark thoughts, and often have feelings of guilt and regret that they try to appease by taking up extra chores or workloads, as if they can make up for whatever actions they couldn't, or didn't, do that may have affectively saved some of their friends lives. I can only guess that such feelings are even more pronounced in her, seeing as her sole job now is to save such lives, and with as pathetically weak hearted as she is, it should be expected for her to carry such burden with her wherever she goes. It would not surprise me if she sees the face of every fallen soldier haunting her dreams and lurking just under the surface, only to come out every time she closes her eyes. Even now at the end of the year when there is slight reason to celebrate, there lays a heavy gloom on the woman like a dark shadow.

The end of December brings with it an end to all the trials and tribulations that we have suffered up until now, and unlike previous years, humanity is on the brink of making history. Just a few days before, the Recon Corps successfully delivered its first quarry and regiment of soldiers to Wall Maria, and it's the first time in over five years that anyone has settled upon the massive structure. Even with the protection provided by the Forest of Giant Trees and the efforts made by the SOAR group, due to the sheer length of the journey and the size of the formation, many soldiers were lost, more so than after our initial mission. But even with such heavy casualties, the bulk of the supply carriages along with their accompanying Garrison soldiers survived the expedition and now occupy a single, fortified battle station atop the wall.

Upon our return, and after the necessary task of burning the bodies of the soldiers lost on this most recent mission, many of the surviving recruits talk of small celebration in honor of our achievement as well as a send off to all those killed in getting us to this point. In acknowledgement of this, Erwin has given all soldiers a day's rest as thanks for all their sacrifice and hard work, and since that means paperwork does not have to be done right away, I somehow find myself in the midst of the overcrowded Corps cafeteria hall.

There are people everywhere, and the level of noise is bordering on obnoxiously loud, but for the moment, I'm trapped in the confines of my table with my team all together in one room for the first time since our operation began.

"Ah this is great! I can't remember the last off day we had!" Gunther sighs in his seat, leaning back with much relief. "I'll have to make a note to tell Commander Erwin thanks. I didn't know how much longer I could go on with all the work we have to…"

"Same here." Petra mimics him, slightly hanging her head in exhaustion. "Who knew being a squad leader was so difficult. And all that paperwork….."

"It's a damn mess! That's what it is! Those MP hags just throw all this extra work on us when we're already busting our asses trying to get to the wall! I KNOW they don't need most of this paperwork they make us do!"

"Then just be happy you only have to deal with it until the operation is over, Oluo." Petra sighs, not even giving the older man so much as a sideways glance.

"Until it's over? Who knows how long that will take!" the man continues, face already turning red from a mixture of anger and the alcoholic ale he's been drinking. "For all we know, we'll be working and freezing our asses off in this shitty cold weather until damn February!"

Beside me at the table, Eld lets out a similar sigh to Petra's.

"I forget just how nasty your mouth gets when you drink…" the blond comments, gazing over the table to Oluo in a slightly exasperated fashion. "Do us all a favor and curve that language a bit. I think your freaking the kids out…"

"Kids!?" Oluo spits, raising his drink above his head as if to manifest his annoyance. "You talkin' bout Eren and Avian here!? They aren't no damn kids. Hell, Ginger here is twenty something for God's sake. If they got a problem with me then they can just deal with it. For all I care, they can suck my…"

"OLUO! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!" Petra screams at him, punching the man square in the head. "No one wants to hear that, pig!"

All I can do is scowl at the noise coming from Petra and Oluo's fight. The brazen man is pretty bad when he drinks, but this is just over the top, and my entire team knows it. I almost feel bad for the two youngest members who sit on the opposite side of Oluo, both looking embarrassed in two totally different ways. Where Eren stares wide eyed, blush coloring his cheeks because he knows full well how Oluo's sentence was going to finish, Avian keeps her eyes locked upon her lap with an expression that is slightly perplexed yet obviously doing her best to pretend that such a statement wasn't uttered.

Without really meaning too, I've been keeping an eye on her ever since Gauche's warning about her behavior, and though she has been with us down here for the better part of an hour as the small celebration has picked up steam, the woman has yet to look as if she is truly enjoying herself. It's good to see her talk with the others since so much of the past couple weeks have been spend on me, but even then, something is off. Just as I've noticed before, her voice and actions lack their usual energy, her laughs are short and slightly forced sounding, and if she was quiet before, she's dead silent now unless spoken to. Gauche wasn't kidding when he said that it's like she's become somewhat of a different person, a subdued one at that.

"So how about that new SOAR group?" Gunther mentions casually, pretending that the fight between Petra and Oluo isn't happening just behind him. "They seem to be an effective team from what I can tell. I mean, there aren't NEARLY as many casualties as there used to be."

"It certainly improves survival rate." Eld comments levelly over his drink. "In all honesty, I never expected soldiers from the rear guard to be so skilled. All the members are usually escorts, right?"

Gunther answers him with a nod, ignoring the yelling tan haired man behind him.

"They are. One of the other temporary squad leaders told me that Gauche and his team are usually put into defensive positions on missions, but their skill in killing titans is just as sharp as the rest of the Corps. Rumor has it that Zaji Vashuka has a titan kill record that rivals our own."

"I believe it." Eld replies hastily. "The man is as ferocious with a blade as he is with curses. I admit he's a bit of an asshole…"

"A HUGE ASS!"

With that statement, Oluo slams down his mug, startling everyone at the table.

"I SWEAR THAT GUY HAS A MENTAL PROBLEM! I ONLY SPOKE TO HIM ONE TIME WHILE PUTTING MY HORSE INTO HIS STABLE, AND THAT BASTARD GREETED ME BY CALLING ME A SHIT FACED CUNT! HOW DARE HE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! I'M A MEMBER OF CORPORAL LEVI'S SPECIAL OPERATIONS SQUAD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I OUTRANK HIM YET HE THINKS HE CAN JUST TALK TO ME LIKE A DAMN DOG! I SWEAR, I'LL FOLD HIM UP SO HARD THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM HE'LL SUFFOCATE BECAUSE HIS HEAD IS SO FAR UP HIS ARROGANT ASS!"

Oluo slams his mug down again, this time so hard that it's wooden handle snaps off, and ale spills everywhere.

"OLUO!"

Everyone at the table scoots back in their chairs in order to avoid getting the liquid on their clothes, and instantly my fist is around Oluo's collar, and I yank him up.

"I've had just about enough of your damn attitude." I growly lowly, my threat much more effective if spoken softly. "You're a grown ass man, and if you can't handle your alcohol, then maybe you should consider thinking twice about pouring that shit down your foul throat. No one will disrespect the reputation of my squad and get away with it, especially if it's from one of its own members."

With absolute horror in his eyes, the man barely has time to register my words before I slam his entire upper body onto the soiled table, ale splashing up in his face and soaking into his clothing.

"Since you've made such a mess by choosing to be immature and exacting all your pitiful rage on whatever you may have in your grubby hands…" I continue, stabbing the man with such heated eyes that he flinches. "…I want you to clean all this shit up. And since it's already filthy, just use your shirt. I'm sure you won't mind a little foul beverage on it since you felt the need to get some on everyone else."

With a rough shove, I let the man go and, just like a beaten puppy, he instantly takes to his task. Even intoxicated, Oluo knows better than to test my patience any further, resigning to blushing as almost every eye in the whole cafeteria train on him as he cleans up. Everyone of my squad members watch on in silence; Eld, Gunther, and Petra used to this kind of thing, while Eren and Avian stare with equal amounts of stunned surprise. No one speaks until Oluo has the table and floor dried, his nice shirt completely ruined, and without so much as a glance, I order for him to leave.

"Go the hell to bed before you break something else. I'll plan a more appropriate punishment for you later."

Tail between his legs and crimson embarrassment coloring his face, the man hastily leaves, slamming the door to the hall behind him. Once gone, the entire room bursts into conversation and, at my example, the rest of my team retake their seats, a baited pause hanging between us.

"I hate it when he gets like that…" Petra finally mutters. "… He always ends up breaking something. What was it last time?"

"An entire shelf full of saucers." Eld answers her, looking highly exasperated over the memory. "You'd think that, being the eldest out of six kids, he'd be more mature than he is…"

"I haven't seen you that mad in a while, Corporal."

At the comment, I turn my attention to Gunther who holds my gaze steadily.

"It sucks, but it's a good thing that you cut him down like that. The only one who seems to have any handle on his brashness is you, and we all know how often he needs his head slammed into a table."

"Damn idiot. That's what he is…" is my only reply.

Seemingly satisfied with my reply, the brown haired man turns away and picks up his mug.

"Hey, you guys should drink up." Gunther mentions, motioning to Eren and Avian from their seat across from him. "Don't let Oluo's behavior put you off. Just have some and have fun."

At his suggestion, Eren starts, standing straight up as if he had been given an order then, apparently realizing that the older man was merely talking to him, relaxes his stance.

"Y… yes, sir! I'd like to try some!" he announces, looking very much like the awkward teen that he is. "But…. aren't we underage?"

"Nah…. Avian sure isn't, but I know YOU'LL stay in line. Just try some, Eren, and don't be so uptight. You're a grown man now."

Eren blinks at him with slight perplexity, then resolutely nods.

"Alright. I'll try it. Do you want some?" he then asks, turning to the still sitting ginger beside him, to which the woman shakes her head.

"Just tea please…" is all she says.

Without further prompt, the teen nods and leaves, struggling to make his way past all the bodies of soldiers crammed into this dimly torch lit place, and once he is out of sight, conversation starts again.

Through mutual, unspoken consent, the topic of SOAR isn't brought up again, and the tense ball of frustration with Oluo deep in my gut slowly begins to unclench as I watch the majority of my team actually have time to loosen up and have fun. They talk about everything from the ridiculous fears that they had as children up to exchanging extremely raunchy jokes. At one point, Eren finally makes his return looking a little worse for wear, and takes a hard seat in his chair. He doesn't elaborate much, but it had something to do with Hanji, and I can only imagine just how shit faced the scientist is now that she probably has more than enough alcohol in her system.

"I hate to speak of her like this…" he sighs, running a hand through his hair while setting two mugs on the table in front of Avian and himself. "…but she just wouldn't shut up! And I did my best to get you your tea myself, but Hanji just took it from me, and I honestly have no idea if she did anything to it…"

Eren makes a shameful face at the woman beside him, but she just makes a small shrug.

"It doesn't matter." She mutters, taking a sip of her drink.

Her face scrunches up just the tiniest amount, but in the next instant she wipes it off.

"It tastes a little bizarre, but perhaps it is just old." She elaborates, staring at the liquid with a flat expression. "I'm fine with this. Thank you, Eren."

The teen merely makes a small grunt in reply, and both he and I take a second to watch the woman before turning our attention to a talk about urban legends currently being debated by Petra and Gunther, Eld adding occasional comment here and there. I consider warning the ginger that Hanji has been know for spiking drinks with alcohol without telling anyone, but in the end I decide that it might be best to leave such information unsaid.

'_It might help her loosen up.'_

From that point on, hours just seem to slip by: The room grows darker and cooler with the coming of night, soldiers become more rowdy, and voices grow in volume.

In one corner, a small clique of veteran soldiers play a game involving empty mugs and dice, while another group, all men, have a full on arm wrestling tournament, complete with onlookers and a betting table where cadets wager chores and meal privileges. Yet in another corner, the entirety of the 104th Trainees talk among themselves, and it's good to see them laughing and smiling still, even with everything that has been going on. After a while, Eren ends up joining them, and all lean in with wide eyes to hear him tell some type of story. The two members of my own temporary squad sit slightly to the side of the trainees, Jax listening as Victora goes on about something animatedly, all their friends making their way through cups of ale as they listen. For a moment, I even catch a glimpse of Roda and Gauche on the far side of the room, talking quietly to each other, possibly enjoying being away from the other two more hotheaded members of their squad. Even Hanji manages to saunter her way out of the kitchen, obviously having had far too many drinks for the night. Even with her hair let down in an uncombed mess about her shoulders and her glasses not sitting right on her face, she finds her way to a distant table and fills the entire room with laughter. Not the usual kind when she talks about her experiments, but the normal kind; a heartfelt sound coming from deep within that is always a reminder that, even though she is just as skilled in hiding it as I am, she feels just as much pain with every loss and failed mission as I do and that, just like the rest of us, she's very glad to be alive.

Everyone in the room is just brimming with ease and laughter; men and women relieved to finally have a chance to lean back and be themselves for once without the stress of an upcoming mission to weigh them down. Though it's becoming slightly uncomfortable with so many bodies in one room, I'm thankful for the cramped table space and the growing body heat. I hate the feeling of claustrophobia that is made when so many people come together, but the simple fact that, even with as many cadets as we have lost over the course of our operation so far, there is still enough soldiers left to fill the Corps building in its entirety, which is always something to be thankful for.

Even as I keep silent, I scan my eyes over every face, just as I did on our first expedition so many weeks ago, and take a moment to be thankful for every life still here. This is a room filled with survivors; soldiers who somehow beat the odds and lived to see another year. This is a room filled with brothers and sisters, cousins, grandkids, nieces and nephews, mothers and fathers. This is a room filled with hopes and dreams, fears and aspirations, people from all walks of life and history, and they are all still alive. They have all managed to conquer the world that constantly pursues us in the hopes that one day we will buckle and die. We've all survived another hell filled year, and the unhindered joy of making it that far is palpable in every corner, every crevasse, every table and chair….

All except one.

Even as the hours have passed and the rest of my team have held animated conversation not but a meter away, Avian has kept interaction down to a minimum. From the corner of my eye I have watched her as she sits, occasionally making a short statement when prompted by either Gunther or Petra, but aside from those few instances, she keeps very, very quiet. Instead of taking part in the novel festivities around her, she is complacent with staying in her one chair and downing cup after cup of tea, gaze trained on the mug and table before her.

In the dim torch light, the glow seems to age her, making her features look that much more exhausted, and the darkness under her eyes more pronounced. Even the light freckles upon her face look like spots of dirt gained from the battlefield that have refused to be washed off. Melancholy is a blanket draped over her small frame, and this image of her is quite a contrast to the vibrant and eager woman who I remember teaching at the old HQ so long ago.

Contrary to popular belief, I am highly aware of the wellbeing of my comrades, and Avian is no different. Most new recruits seem to go through this phase of depression before finding it in themselves, along with the support of others, the will to move on. It's a common way people deal with the stress of loss, a form of grief as it where, and though I do not feel an overwhelming need to comfort her, I DO feel the slightest empathy. Everyone here has gone through the same thing. Everyone here has lost someone, be it family, friend, or close comrade, myself included. Though she may not realize it, she is a sister in pain, a sibling in guilt, and though she will need to find the strength on her own to continue fighting and overcome this wall, I watch her and wish, just as I do with everyone, for their torment to soon end. I do not enjoy seeing my subordinates struggle the way they do after every mission and funeral, but there comes a time where one must make the choice to either let their sadness overwhelm them, or turn their dead friend's convictions and sacrifices into weapon and armor that will push them to fight even harder. I want Avian to grow in strength and skill, I want her to use that sorrow to fuel her effort in fighting for humanity, I want her to survive and become a beacon of hope. There are many things that I want for her, but all of them are only gained through suffering on the battlefield.

Even as I ponder over her, casually watching her from the side of my eye, I can see a mental battle playing on her features and in her gaze like a visual book. She does not look at me, or anyone else for that matter, but even with her eyes trained on the spiked drink in her hands, there is an entire fight being conveyed behind her stare.

For a moment, my studying of her is interrupted by Petra, face slightly flushed from alcohol, as she slides a little closer to the ginger woman.

"You haven't spoken much." She comments with a smile.

"I do not feel the need to speak."

"You should. You don't look as if you are having much fun at all." Petra continues earnestly with a slight pout. "Everyone here is having a good time and celebrating."

"I do not feel much like celebrating."

At this, Petra's pout falls and a genuine look of concern colors her face.

"Why? What's wrong?" she asks softly, scooting even closer to the woman so that she can gently lay one of her hands on Avian's.

Avian blinks and, though she doesn't look at her, she doesn't pull her hand away either, and it takes a moment before she speaks.

"All of this seems.. impertinent." The ginger says finally, motioning to the entire room with a miniscule nod of her head. "I understand that this is the beginning of a new year, and that our operation so far has been a success, but I find such celebration a bit uncouth."

Petra lets out a tiny breath, and when she speaks next, her voice is soft and understanding.

"I know what you are thinking, we've all been there, but don't let that hold you back from enjoying now. You can't let guilt rob you of any more time than what you've already lost." She begins. "I know it's hard to see, but we are here to be glad that we've survived. We made it another year, and that is something worth celebrating."

"What of those who didn't?"

At that sentence, I train my eyes on the woman and Petra struggles to find the words to answer her. Before she can continue, however, Avian speaks again.

"Perhaps it is due to my inexperience, but I cannot simply push such thoughts out of my head as you can. All I can think of now is their faces, their screams, everywhere at once like some sickening hymn upon my conscious."

Her expression tightens, and her free hand not held captive by Petra's grasp clenches on the handle of her mug so hard that her knuckles turn white. Her blue eyes alight with emotion, but her voice stays low.

"Once again my dreams are haunted by the dying cries of those around me, the only difference being who the cries belong to. I am robbed of rest and closure, and it seems that no matter how strongly I strive, my efforts are never enough."

"You can't help everyone, Avian. This is a war we are in. Things are going to happen, and there is nothing we can do except make sure that their sacrifices aren't made in vain." Petra councils, and at last Gunther and Eld seem to notice the distress and look over.

"What's wrong?" Eld asks, looking between the two women, though only Petra meets his gaze.

"She's just struggling with everything that's been going on right now." She answers calmly, and I do not miss the way Avian clenches her fist around her mug at the comment.

"Yeah, I remember going through that." Gunther mentions, shaking his head. "It's awful, but it'll pass soon. Just do your best to keep your head up."

"Gunther is right." Petra nods. "We aren't asking you to forget, but don't let those memories hold you back."

Even as they do their best to offer words of encouragement, I can tell that what they say isn't helping. Throughout it all, Avian keeps silent and does not look up, and I harden my gaze on her.

'_What she needs is to let all that out.'_ I ponder, watching her. _'Damn woman is going to kill herself if she keeps this up.'_

Keeping my arms folded across my chest, I ponder over whether or not to intervene, but the longer the others try to talk to her, and more Avian seems to recoil, and the harder my resolve becomes to break the woman out of her pathetic delusion. After several minutes of watching my team get absolutely nowhere, I finally get fed up.

"Just leave the damn woman to her depression." I state, earning surprised stares from everyone at the table, including a slight glance from the woman herself. "It's obvious that she'd rather spend all her time crying in a corner like the immature child she is instead of growing a damn backbone and acting like a proper soldier."

At my comment, Avian finally trains her eyes on me, but to help with effect, I pretend to ignore her hard gaze and continue.

"I honestly don't know why something so obvious is bothering her so much. This is the military; people are going to die and there won't be a damn thing you can do about it. Tough shit. She needs to get off her imaginary high horse and come to terms with reality."

With every harsh word, I feel Avian's eyes pierce into my face and, only when I know that she won't turn away, do I shift and meet her gaze.

"The world is merciless. It doesn't care who you are. It's all a giant battle of survival of the fittest. Moping around feeling sorry for yourself won't change a damn thing. People won't come back, people won't stop dying."

As I speak, our eyes play a battle of their own, my will against hers, and so much passes between us in those limited seconds. I don't waver, and voice as cold as ice, I cut her down.

"Dead is dead. It's a fact of life, so do yourself a favor and quit acting like a damn, insolent toddler throwing a tantrum and get over it."

Right as I finish, I see something in the ginger's gaze snap and, with all her swiftness in a fit of uncontrolled emotion, she slams the table with enough strength to throw everything off balance and stands from her chair, sending it reeling onto the floor.

"There is just no pleasing you, is there!?" she chokes out, face red from alcohol and stress, though her eyes are just as clear and bright as they ever are from where they narrow at me behind her bangs. "Do you enjoy seeing me fail and struggle!? Is that it!?"

Everyone at the table stares at her in astonishment and though she is now standing, she is barely a foot or so taller than I am while sitting. A mix of emotions play on her face and she does her best to create some type of presence, but due to her height, it sort of fails. Unlike the others, I do not flinch at her sudden outburst, as it is exactly what I am aiming for, and even as she lashes out at me, I do not recoil, nor do I feel any type of anger. I have experienced what is to come many times; the anger of devastated soldiers as they struggle to understand just how I keep myself so calm in times of chaos, often resorting to insults and screaming as they vent out all their pain onto me. Having been in such a place before, I just let them, and as I look into the blazing eyes of the one before me, I see nothing but another frustrated soldier who doesn't know how else to deal with their grief. I content myself to taking her verbal abuse as she continues.

"I don't understand what it is with you! It seems that no matter how hard I endeavor, nothing seems good enough! I do the best I can in everything I do, but no matter how far I run, how hard I fight, how many reps I do in training, how cooperative I am in assisting you with work, all of it, it means nothing to you, doesn't it? I know that everything I do must be subpar to what you have come to expect from others, but would it kill you to give at least a little notion that I'm doing something commendable!? Can I not even grieve without having you leap down my throat!? How can you go on as if all of those soldiers didn't die!? What about how they felt just before their lives were snuffed out! Have you ever pondered over such things? What of their families? Their friends? How can you just overlook all of that and go about your day as if everything is ordinary and happy!? Do you not have emotions at all!?"

All of these things she says to me I've heard a hundred times before, and as always, I just let her words roll off me like oil on water and keep my gaze passive and flat. She stops for a moment, and for a moment, I believe for her to be done, but in the next second she continues.

"You are full of shit, you know that!?"

Without realizing it, I blink at her in surprise, slightly astonished. Avian is usually so calm, even when riled up, but never before have I heard her driven to cursing. Even though harsh language doesn't bother me in the slightest, it's such a major deviation from her normal, sometimes poetic way of speaking that it's startling. I focus all my attention on her.

"I will never comprehend just what it is about you that has people giving you their unquestioning loyalty. You're insensitive, malicious, and obviously care not about the image you make for yourself. You never show sympathy, nor do you offer any sort of compensation or compassion to your subordinates, as if your heart is of stone. You are constantly disapproving and cynical, and you work us like beasts of burden just so your environment is completely immaculate, and sometimes, not even THAT is good enough!"

My team gapes at her open mouthed, and I honestly listen with suppressed shock along with them, though I'm careful to keep my outer features as passive as possible. I've heard many offhanded comments in the past about my personality, and especially my habits, but never before has someone called me out on all my bullshit as Avian is doing right now.

"Your language is simply deplorable! There is no rightful reason for such vulgarity, chiefly in common conversation. It's rude, boorish, and highly offensive to those such as myself who would rather not hear such lamentable words! Not only that, but you seem to see yourself above the rest of us as if you are of higher value, throwing your strict whip whenever one falls out of line. You act as if people are bothersome gnats and snap at them with a knife-edged tongue to cut them into pieces. You ignore the basic emotions and feelings of those around you, and at times you simply tread on them as if they are the stone beneath your boots. Just because you are of higher rank does not excuse your lack of empathy and disregard of common courtesy."

At this point, a few people at neighboring tables turn and watch as Avian continues, not letting me or anyone else get a word in edgewise.

"Throughout the entirety of our expedition, not once have I seen you at the funeral pyres paying your respect! Are such sentiments beneath you, Corporal? Are you too elevated in self righteousness that you cannot humble yourself before the grave of your subordinates and plead for their forgiveness and peace!? Are we just expendable pawns!? Do you just not care at all!?"

At this, a narrow my eyes and force my way into her belligerent rant.

"Don't you dare say that my men are pawns." I growl, anger burning my words. "What does a lowly newbie from outside the walls know about suffering and sacrifice, or do you forget who you are talking to? You think you have me all figured out, but you fail to realize that as a corporal in the army of humanity that I have to bear the weight of every single person here!"

"Well you sure fooled me." She retorts back, fueled by pure, unrestrained instinct, and alcohol giving her courage. "From what I have seen, there is no indication of such compassion from you. I've never seen you speak to others as if they are friend and not just another soldier. Even the members of your own squad find it difficult to hold true conversation with you because of your unapproachable and aloof nature! What sort of care is that!?"

"So you are an expert on my social skills now? Funny, coming from a woman who spent the better part of a decade wandering alone in some God-forsaken forest with nothing but a horse to talk too, and who is so idiotic that she had to be shown what a damn handshake was!" I spit.

"Well if you are more adept at socializing than me, then elucidate as to why I seem to have a superior affiliation with your squad than you do." Avian counters, eyes like burning ice. "If you really do care so much about your team and the members in it, then why do you falter and pretend as if you don't? Are you fearful? Is that it?"

At that, I stand abruptly and I vaguely register my entire squad flinch as if they expect me to strike out at her. But instead I stand face to face with the woman, glaring down at her.

"Quit spouting all this shit as if you know me!" I snarl, but the woman doesn't back down.

"Well if I'm in the wrong and you are not afraid, then why didn't you bother to correct me!?"

With eyes like needles, I can almost feel them stab into my own gray ones as if searching deep inside. They are a bright gaze filled with intuition, and I'm overcome with a feeling so strange that the only way I can describe it is that the woman is deciphering me from the inside out, reading what lays behind the outer wall of my being, and I somehow know that she isn't fooled by my harsh words.

"Why are you so afraid of getting close to people!?" she says finally, watching me with those oddly knowing eyes. "Are you afraid of what they might do to you? What you might do to them? Are you terrified of the feelings you might experience if they are suddenly taken from you?"

Each word comes out like a crack of thunder, and I'm aware of no one except Avian.

"So what you are leading me to believe is that you would rather spend the rest of your life sheltered and alone without so much as a single person to cling to because you fear the emotions that come with heartbreak more than you fear the imminence of loneliness? How can you live such a life!?"

As pissed off as I am, the accuracy of her statement stuns me into silence, and I just glare down at the woman, trying my best to get inside her mind just as she is now in mine. All at once, her eyes shimmer, and for the first time in the entire fight, tears form.

"Why would you choose such a sad existence over something so wonderful as having a family or a friend!? You may have forgotten, but you are just as I was back then." She says, and at once my memories fly back to that little stone house in the woods. "Do you know how many years I've wasted in that dreadful place because I was too fearful to come out of hiding!? Even after you and your squadron came, I still refused to let myself hope that there might be something better out there than the solitary life I lived then. But after experiencing such nearness and kindness, and seeing you all even if it was just for a diminutive amount of time, I felt wretched when I turned away and fled back home once you reached Wall Rose. For two months I struggled with my fear and my yearning for companionship. To have a family again seemed like such a farfetched dream, and I feared that if I dared get close to another human being that, they too, would be stripped from me and I would fall back into that dark pit of despair I was in before."

Avian's eyes suddenly become determined, and she straightens her stance.

"But in the end I chose to take a chance, and that one decision is the best thing I have ever done. Even with the fear of suffering and despair that comes with forming bonds with people, I know now that those bonds are worth so much more than any pain I might have to endure later on. All of them: Eren, Petra, Eld and Gunther, Hanji…. Even YOU. All of those bonds are precious to me, and there is nothing in the world that I would trade in exchange for them. There is so much more to be gained by letting others hold a small piece of you than what you could ever lose if you didn't."

Each of her words fall like blistering drops of rain on my skin, and though my face is still hardened, a little bit of that rainwater seems to seep into my skin, and the tiniest twinge itches deep inside. I want to stand up for myself, to yell at her that she is wrong, and punish her for uprooting my authority like this in front of the whole damn regiment, but no words come, because deep in my conscious I know that she is right. Instead of forming a stinging retort to cut her down, all I can do is stare at her as a single, small tear falls down her cheek.

"I WANT to like you!" she says, and I'm struck not only by her unexpected declaration, but by the deep pain that now haunts her gaze as well, so much different from how she was looking at me not but a minute before that my thoughts are forced to do a complete one-eighty in order to keep up.

" I WANT to be close to you and be useful to you, to help you bear the burden of all that weight upon your shoulders, but you just won't let me, or anyone for that matter! Just because I am a simple minded cadet doesn't mean that I am ignorant of the strain you must endure as mandated by your position. I've done everything in my power to try and make that apparent to you! I've assisted you whenever I could, I've treated you just as I treat everyone else, I've always been honest with you, but I'm coming to the conclusion that all of it was for naught."

Once again, I'm struck by her accuracy, and I'm frustrated because everything that she says is true. She HAS done her best to help me, even though I chastise her and work her to the bone. She HAS treated me with the same consideration as she does with all my squad, even though I insult her and talk down to her like a dog. She HAS been honest with me in everything, even though I've given her no reason to trust me in such a way. All those little kindnesses that I've been pushing aside over all these months were her many attempts to make peace with me. With sudden insight, I go back to that one night back in August, and I can envision her as clear as day at that singular moment when she made that oath of gratitude to me. I had completely forgotten about that entire conversation, but suddenly I'm reliving it all over again, seeing that sheer determination on her features as she declared her devotion to me as thanks for saving her life. Never did I even begin to consider that Avian would take such an oath so seriously, but now as I gaze at the woman before me, I'm fascinated by how pained she looks because I've been rebuking her efforts of comradeship, thus impeding her attempt to follow through with her oath.

Even as all these thoughts run through my mind, my face is stuck with an expression like stone, eyes burning with anger and a million other things, even as she continues with her plea.

"Am I just a bothersome fly to you, Corporal?" she says, sounding genuinely hurt. " A pesky gnat that buzzes about your head, uncontrollable and infuriating? I've done everything I can to try and become the soldier you wish me to be, to try and forge a bond with you as I have with Eren and Petra and everyone else. I've tried talking to you and asking you how you are feeling. I've tried assisting you in every way I can, and I've tried doing all my tasks to the best of my ability, but none of it seems to matter…. Do you only wish for me to be a mindless soldier? A nameless body to assist you only when necessary, then disappear from your presence as soon as my task is complete? Do you wish for me to just become another soldier in uniform, lacking personality and individuality and close connection to you? If that is all of which you expect of me, and that is all that will be pleasing to you, then so be it."

Abruptly, the woman breaks away and grabs her Recon mantle from where it was laying on the floor.

"Of course, this is probably the treatment I deserve after all…" she continues bitterly to herself, her voice now laced with self-loathing. "Who in their right mind would bother try and befriend such a filthy sinner such as me? I figured that, if I saved enough lives and was kind enough and helpful enough, that my past mistakes would be forgiven, but I suppose such guilt will not be eradicated so easily. Only a fool would delve into such treacherous waters; I am a murderer after all."

That last sentence is said with such venom that I can practically see the poison drip of her lips, and with a sudden burst of insight, I remember the story of her history she told long ago while staring into the flame of a candle. Not only did I forget about her oath, but I had totally forgotten that this woman has killed people as well. Even more so than that, I never would have suspected that she might suffer guilt from such an act, let alone have it plague her being so many years after the fact. But it is there, regret as clear as day upon her face as she messes the mantle between her hands. With comprehension, I suddenly understand a part of why she tries so hard to save every life that she can, and why her titan's face is always contorted in pained anger. It is then that I realize that Petra was right when she suspected there was something else bothering Avian aside from normal grief

"I assume you must tire of me speaking now." She continues flatly, not looking at me. "I understand now that I am just a bothersome tick in your hide. If it makes you feel better, perhaps one day a giant will crush me underfoot and you will finally be rid of this annoying parasite."

Without so much as another glance or word, Avian turns and, before anyone can stop her, rushes out the door, slamming it behind her.

"Avian! Wait!" Petra calls, hastily following after her and then she too is gone.

The entire cafeteria hall is so silent that I'm sure everyone can hear their own heartbeat, and I can feel every eye upon me. From his place with the other trainees, Eren looks as if he was going to follow after Avian since he is the closest to her aside from Petra, but instead he just slowly sits back down, looking completely lost as to what to do. In all honestly, I can barely grasp all that just happened. What started out as a counseling session turned into one angry, distressed woman spouting out what seems to be everything that has been weighing down on her heart for the past several months. It was so sudden and unexpected that I can't help but wonder at Avian's obvious talent at keeping such turmoil hidden.

'_For you to have carried so much emotional stress for so long, and no one even suspect a thing about it…'_ I ponder offhandedly, _'Now I see that there is a huge kink in that instinct driven nature of yours.'_

I wish to ponder longer, but the head of hundreds of prying eyes heats up my back, and just like the woman before, I suddenly can't stand to be in this room any longer. With a smooth motion, I push my chair under the table and grab my own mantle from the back of it.

"Put my mug up for me." I force myself to say calmly to no one in particular, but together Eld and Gunther nod, obviously being careful with their actions as if they are afraid of setting me off.

With no answer from them, I turn and make my way out the room with anger burning my throat, glaring at all the eyes as they follow me, every one of them effectively buckling under the heat of my stare. No one dares to make a single sound as I exit, and the large wooden door echoes with a solid thud behind me. Once outside, I clench the green cloth of my cloak so hard my fingers hurt, and an entire mix of emotions, mostly rage, churns inside me.

'_How dare that bitch think she can speak to me in such a way in front of the whole damn army! Next time I see her I'll show her just how callous I can be! I'll work her so hard and punish her so severely that she'll beg for me to kill her!'_

Somewhere on this first floor, the woman has disappeared, but I'm so full of rage that I don't give a damn and make my way upstairs, my boots stamping against the stone steps and floor in time with my racing heartbeat. Soon enough I'm in my own quarters and shut the door hard behind me.

"What is it with my squad and damn alcohol tonight!?" I growl, crushing the bridge of my nose between two fingers out of exasperation. "The damn woman calling me out as if she freaking knows me!?"

But even as I say that as enraged and frustrated as I am, somewhere deep, deep down, beneath the churning anger and acidic fury lies the smallest, tiniest, most miniscule seed of intrigue. I hate to admit it to myself, about what the hell others think of me because for the most part it I don't care, but just for this moment, a feel the faintest touch of conviction. Now that I'm by myself and I can lay back against the door and really thing the entire thing through, I find that there really isn't much for me to be angered over at all.

She is right about me, for the most part. I am crude, and unapproachable, and foulmouthed. I do distance myself from everyone and work them like cattle until I'm satisfied. In reality, everything she said about me I've already known, heard hundred times before from other cadets, and even my own team when they believe I can't hear. The only difference between them and the woman is that, even though she had a little help from spiked tea, she actually had the balls to say such things to my face instead of whispering behind my back as everyone else in the damn Corps do. Well, Hanji calls me out sometimes, but it is never in a serious manner, and she jumps from one subject to another so quickly that there is hardly any grounds behind her accusation.

But not for Avian. Even now it's as if I can still feel her icy gaze piercing into my own, and that woman was dead serious about EVERYTHING she said. And the freakiest part of it all is that she was right. She was right about my lack of emotion concerning all the death that we see. She was right about my harsh personality and strict leadership. She was right about wondering why so many people unquestioningly devote their lives to me after seeing first hand just how cold I am too them. She was right about my reasons for keeping my distance from everyone, right about why I refuse to forge close bonds with others, right about the shadow-like fear I have about suffering through all that pain and turmoil again as I did when I lost Farlan and Isabel all those years ago. Really, all things considered, how can I be so angry at her when everything that she said was right?

'_Because she wasn't'_

She was wrong about one thing. I DO care about my men, more than she'll ever know. Just because I've become so emotionally dead from seeing comrade after comrade eaten before my own eyes doesn't mean that I lack compassion for them. And whether she realizes it or not, I feel just the same way about her. She has been friendly to the point of annoyance, and her performance as a soldier isn't anything spectacular by any stretch of the imagination, but her life is not of less value than anyone else. Though she may believe it now, she isn't 'a tick in my hide' as she so colorfully put it. Honestly, she is in that weird place to where I don't want anything to happen to her, and I don't want her to die, but at the same time, I feel as if I really couldn't care less if she did. It's a frustrating feeling, similar to the way I feel about the rest of my team that I want to care about them, yet at the back of my mind I'm all too aware that any of them can be killed at any time, so such emotional investment is wasted, and I'll have to suffer through the pain of losing another friend, which I never want to go through again.

With growing frustration, I growl and toss my mantle upon my desk under the window, for once not caring that it isn't meticulously folded and placed exactly where it needs to be, and busy myself with taking off my boots. Emotions jump back and forth with a vengeance, a battle that I haven't had to deal with in a long time. I WANT to be pissed off at her for her treatment of me, and yet I'm slightly perplexed at her honesty and courage. Never before has ANYONE even dared to do such things to me, so this is a first, and with as confident and coolheaded as I am at times, I suddenly don't know how to deal with this new fact.

'_All I know is that Conner is driving me up a damn wall.'_

Placing my boots at their usual spot at the foot of my bed, I don't even bother changing out of my civilian clothes before I lay back down on top of the covers, not caring at the winter cold chilling my feel and the rest of me. In fact, I welcome the cooling fingers and shut my eyes, doing my best to relax the burning, acidic anger away.

'_She was supposed to help me with those supply reports tomorrow.' _I ponder vaguely. _'Wonder if she'll even be brave enough to show up.'_

Once again, I'm conflicted with the feeling of caring about if she does, and not giving a rat's ass about it.

'_So much for making a good start for the new year.'_

To avoid reigniting the slowly receding anger again, I just let it go and let the silence of the room around me steadily edge me toward sleep. I'll worry about Oluo and Conner tomorrow.

***Author's note***

Not much to say here except that it had to happen eventually. Sorry to all my Levian shippers (all, like, three of you xD), but I promised some turmoil and head butting, so this was to be expected. Jessie, if you are still reading this, I hope that this is a step in the right direction. This will not be the end of Avian's inner conflict, TRUST ME, but I figured that this would be a good start seeing as the little woman can't hold her alcohol, and even with as mellow as she is, even she gets fed up with Corporal's bullcrap. As always, let's move on to review replies:

**Imafangirlforever: **Have to say you were close with the 'traumatizing after effect' bit. I can only imagine how difficult it is working solely to save lives and live with the fact that, no matter how hard you try, you can't save everyone, and people are going to die. That is exactly why I could never become a doctor. And I'm glad that you enjoyed the albeit filler chapter, and found it interesting. I will say that there will be a little filler here and there, but most of it from now one will probably be relationship oriented, so you probably won't care lol.

**Katialynne: **In all honesty, I debated with the notion of Avian only taking orders from Levi, but in the end, due to her feeling like she owes him for saving her life, I figured that she would do everything in her power to please him, obeying other soldiers orders included. Besides, she isn't that rebellious by nature, just slightly uncivilized lol. And Levi DID order her to obey her new squad leaders orders otherwise there would be consequences so… there's that. And it seems everyone hates the SOAR team, which means that I did my job right. Though I don't think Gauche and Roda are too bad ;n; And I'm going to say it once again, but thank you for the wonderful arts, I loves them dearly *7*

**Sayuriameyo: **Yay! Long reviews! :D Well, let me tackle this in parts, ahem…

One of Avian's strongest traits is determination, and I'm glad that I've written it in a way to where it is something admirable. She did declare that she was going to devote her life to him to repay him for saving her life, so that has a lot to do with it, though I'm sure that she was a pretty driven woman to begin with. And the humming is very nice as well. I can't say much, be we will get a little info on it later on.

I'm so glad that you though Chappy 15 wasn't bad. I was SOOOOOO worried cause it sounded like utter crap to me. And I do have to say that I find the Child Titan's eyes to be very interesting as well. I'm sure it will come in handy later on, but it's kind of odd that her titan form is not nearly as deformed as every other titan shifter we've seen thus far. Aside from her eyes and claws, she's pretty human looking, which is probably the weirdest of all. Can't imagine a butt-nekked ginger headed child running around slicing up bad guys with her scissor hands xD And yes, Hanji x Caps lock is 3

As much as I dislike Zaji and Niche's treatment of her as well, they have valid reason to be suspicious. You have to admit that Avian's 'trial' mission to Wall Rose didn't really go that well, so it's natural for them to be wary, though they are a couple of assholes… As far as them coming around and trusting her, we will just have to see. Gauche and Roda are certainly more open minded, but only time will tell, though there isn't much difference in interaction right now. Perhaps when they start trying to retake the entirety of the Wall, or when they (hopefully) start trying to retake Shiganshina. Who knows….. And just to calm your thoughts, no, I haven't forgotten about Annie and the others. Their time just hasn't come yet (evil laughter). And I figured that at least some of you would be expecting the escaped shifters to pop up again, which is exactly why I didn't, though there is a reason as to why they are still missing. Unfortunately for you guys, there is still a while to go before we reach such juicy information.

It's also good to know that my battle descriptions are not totally confusing or crap. I can see the scene so clearly in my head, so whenever I try to translate it into text, a lot of that danger and excitement is lost because my readers can't see it as I can. But I will certainly do my best to make them as interesting and nail-biting as I can *coughpossiblynextchaptercough* And I feel quite proud of how that last chappy ended. I did my best to try and convey how I know Heichou must feel all the time, because I imagine that he is constantly aware that any of the faces around him can be taken, and that the joy of mission accomplished doesn't blind him to the very real possibility of loss and sacrifice. As one who has been shown in the manga as well as the anime to care very deeply for the welfare of his soldiers, I'm sure there are many times where he just watches soldiers going about their daily lives before a mission and wonder just how many won't make it back. It's very depressing, but that is the reality of war unfortunately…

Yay! Another side fic reader! :D So at least I know I'll have two haha! I'm glad that someone else aside from me is interested in seeing just how Avian's mind works, and the way she looks upon things. Even though I'm the author and she is my own character, my OC's very often get a mind of their own, and there are things that they do that surprise me just as much as they might surprise you, so it'll be fun for the both of us. What I'm planning right now is to make a little intro chapter I guess you would call it focusing on the two months between Squad Levi returning home and Avian being captured by the Garrison. There is a nice little debate she has with herself that I can hopefully translate into text in all its fullness. I don't know when I'll be done with it since writing this fic is my first priority, but I'll at least try to get a paragraph or two done today, and I'll let ya'll know when it is done :3 I'll definitely keep your idea about Avian getting to know her squad those first few days in mind. Never did think about that, but it sounds fun, though I'll have to write it to where it takes place after Hanji's experiments to avoid it being redundant. It might also be fun to put that little instance that Levi recalls where Oluo slips in horse crap in there as well… hehe.

And Holy Maria, you're stupid comment (whatever, Levi. If this makes you sleep better at night.) for SOME UNKNOWN REASON, I nearly fell out of my chair because I was laughing so hard. All I could think of was a chibi Heichou snuggled up under his covers with the most angry look on his face muttering 'Stupid Conner! I don't want you to die but I couldn't care less if you did cause you're a stupid Conner and I hate hating you and love hating you at the same time and its WEIRD. Y u do dis Conner!? D:' Trust me… that is a lot funnier in my head *shot* But I can tell you since you obviously read this wonderful drama filled chapter in order to read this that I'm sure this is not how you imagined their relationship to develop… I'm sorry… Not everything is rainbows and butterflies… and there was BOUND to be someone who would call Heichou out on all his BULLCRAP, and since Avian doesn't quite understand how ranks in the military work, nor does she seem to want to treat him any differently than she does with the rest of his squad, AND because she is a pretty honest person, it was bound to happen eventually. Just be glad I got it out of the way now, but just think of how interesting the next chapter is gonna be! :D

And due to the angst of this chapter *put on best Oprah voice* YOU GET SOME SALT, SHE GETS SOME SALT, EVERYONE GETS SOME SALT! *throws concentrated sodium chloride everywhere* INCREASE YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE MY LOVELIES! *cackles maniacally*

And to answer you awesome question, I came up with the names of characters introduced as follows.

Victora- Originally thought of Victoria since I thought it would be cool to have a character whose name would coincide with victory, but I shortened it a bit so that it would be more unique.

Jax- Kind of random, honestly, but for some reason I like it when guys have names from Mortal Kombat even though I don't play it o.o

Gauche Kurobari, Roda Lode, Zaji Vashuka, and Niche Maka are all names based on characters from my favorite manga Tegami Bachi (Letter Bee). All of their first names are actually names of some of my favorite characters from the manga (only some because I love practically everyone in that story) and their last names come from something related to their character or something like that.

Kurobari (Black Needle) is what Gauche says every time he fires a bullet (a piece of his heart) from his shindanjuu (heart gun).

Lode is just a varied name for Roda.

Vashuka is the Japanese name for Zaji's dingo (partner), who just happens to be a large black panther.

Maka is in reference to Niche's origin, since she is one of a pair of twins born to a powerful, god like creature called The Maka, which takes the form of a beautiful golden dragon around one hundred meters tall (take that Colossal Titan! :D).

Hope that sheds some light on them. The names for the SOAR squad where purely for my own entertainment and nerdiness. The original names I had in mind where actually Godric, Salazar (Sal), Helga, and Rowena, and if you are a Potterhead like me, then you would know that those are the first names of the founders of Hogwarts houses: Godric Gryffindor, Salazar Slytherin, Helga Hufflepuff, and Rowena Ravenclaw. I scrapped them since I like the other names better, but perhaps I might use them in the future. I can't keep myself from inserting random nerdy stuff in my writing, so there ya go. Heck, even Avian's father has an anime name since I took Reid from the name Clow Reed, one of the major characters from freaking Cardcaptor Sakura (one of my favorite anime of all time *nosebleed*). I seriously need help ;A;

Anyway, hope you all don't kill me for how this chappy turned out, but just bare with me! Until next time!

-Ambi


	18. A Change in Fate

Chapter 18:

**A Change in Fate**

Before I know it, I wake to soft yellow morning light gently falling through my window, and for a moment, it doesn't seem possible for the night to have gone by as fast as it did. And yet, the new day is here, still young and cool.

Blinking sleep from my eyes, I play with the idea of sleeping in for once, but such a thought is instantly killed when I remember the massive amount of paperwork sitting in a neat stack upon the desk in my office, patiently waiting to be done. As much as I wish it to disappear, I know that it won't, and so with a heavy sigh, I rub my hand over my face and sit up, feeling oddly heavy and tired.

"Damn it all…" I mutter in irritation, cracking my back with a twist. "I didn't even drink that much. What's the damn problem..."

'_That woman is the problem, that's what.'_

I'm not even fully out of bed and already my still waking mind automatically flies to the events of the night before. Once again, the entirety of the fight between Avian and myself comes back, and with it, some of my indignant rage.

'_This is NOT how I want to start my day!'_

With a frustrated growl aimed at nothing, I mentally force the memory out of my mind, rise, and determinedly go about my usual routine- bath, change of fresh clothes, double check the appearance of said clothes, then breakfast.

Due to the early hour I usually wake, there not a soul in sight as I make my way downstairs and fetch my own cup of life-giving concoction. Even in the few minutes it takes for my coffee to brew, nothing stirs and the dark kitchen remains silent, still, and cold.

'_Everyone probably has massive hangovers.' _I muse offhandedly as I wait. _'I know damn well that Hanji is probably going to wake up completely shit-faced. I'm surprised the dumbass didn't pass out…'_

Soon enough, my drink is done and with a final shrug to adjust the coat around my shoulders, I encompass the precious mug in my hands and make my way down the dank first floor hall and out the door.

It is still in the early hours of the morning, and only a sliver of pale light pokes from behind the dead corpses of trees that surround our headquarters. Sometime during the night the weather must have turned brutally cold, for there is a thick layer of frost upon every withered blade of grass and dying shrub. A sharp gust blows, chilling my face and sucking all the body heat from my extremities, and I'm suddenly thankful for the warmth heating up my gloved hands.

The walk from the Recon Corps' sleeping quarters to the office building is short, but in that time the cold is able to lace it's frosty fingers in through my clothing and hair, making me shiver.

'_Pissing winter…' _I growl in my mind, hurrying to make my way inside to escape the chill weather.

Just inside, the office building is just as empty and silent as the dorms, the first floor hall dark and shadowed thanks to the torches lining each wall remaining unlit. With nothing to drown out the noise, my boots echo through the stone structure as I make my way upstairs and quietly enter my office.

It is just as I always leave it: meticulously organized, spotlessly clean, and the only objects that litter my desk are a quill, inkwell, and that god awful stack of paperwork off to the side like some freaking tumor.

Setting my mug down for just a moment, I busy myself with starting a fire to warm the place up. Winter is always harsh, and despite the thick stone walls that do well to stave out most of the cruel weather, there is still a thin layer of frost on the window sill, and the few logs of firewood I keep in their respective iron stand crack and creak when I pick them up and throw them into the pit. With a little arrangement to the tinder and a deft strike of a match, the room is soon filled with orange glow as the fire gains strength.

Satisfied that it will hold its own, I finally take a moment and sit myself down behind my desk, sipping my still warm coffee with gratitude. For the better part of ten minutes that is how I stay, allowing time for the fire to warm and for my drink to do its work. The only sounds come from the crackling of embers, and the silence is a welcome change from the unpolished chaos that occurred the night before.

Once again without meaning too, my thoughts meander back to the heated exchange between Conner and I, and I frown with extreme displeasure into my mug.

'_Shitty brat has some damn nerve. Knowing her, she's probably cowering somewhere afraid I'll give her a lashing, and she'd be damn right.'_

Leaning back into my chair, I ponder over the various tasks and chores that I can place upon that woman.

'_Her and Oluo both. Who knew ale would turn those idiots into such uncivilized barbarians.'_

I meditate on both of my subordinates' actions with much distain.

'_I look forward to punishing them severely. When I'm done with them, they probably won't even __**touch**__ another drop of ale until they die.'_

Taking another sip of coffee, I gaze at my reflection wavering on the surface of the dark liquid. Like a sudden epiphany, Avian's voice screams in my head, _'You're full of shit, you know that!?'_, and my grip automatically tightens. All at once, her entire rant plays in my mind with sentences moving so fast that they run into one another so most of what I hear is just a jumbled mess of her angered jeers. _'You're insensitive, malicious!', 'Are we just expendable pawns!?', 'Do you just not care at all!?', 'Why are you so afraid of getting close to people!?' _So many of her accusations bombard me, and they come to mind with such weight that I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose in an effort to alleviate the growing ache in my head. One statement in particular stands above the rest, and it is that single, simple sentence that I focus on.

'_Am I just a bothersome fly to you, Corporal?'_

For a reason I don't understand, that solitary question sticks out to me, and I'm struck by how wounded she sounded when she spoke.

'_Does she really take my opinion of herself seriously enough that it brings her to tears?' _I muse, perplexed and irritated by the thought in equal measure.

I can't bring myself to even begin to understand why that brat would feel offended by my treatment of her. I regard her in the same way I do everyone else, so what the hell is her problem? Is she just that emotionally sensitive?

"I don't freaking know…" I groan aloud and place my cup down before I throw it out of frustration. "Why the hell am I so bothered by it anyway? It's not like I even care that much. Shitty brat gets on my damn nerves."

With fresh rage burning my throat, I do my best to push the retard out of my mind and set to work, organizing report after report in neat stacks in front of me.

…..

Morning slowly creeps into full swing as I lose myself in all the documents I have yet to make my way through- Supply inventories, death reports, soldier information, medical papers, consent forms, formation forms, reforms… forms, forms, and more damn forms.

'_The MP's can shove all this up their ass.'_

As much as I loathe doing all this shit, it needs to be done, so instead of bitching about it I content myself with working as deftly as possible and hope that I won't be sitting here all damn day.

Only now, when the day is well underway, do I begin to hear the sounds of other soldiers making their way through the halls and into offices similar to mine to get a start on their own payloads. There isn't much talk from what I can tell, so even with the building filling up with officers and commanders getting a start on their day, everything stays quiet.

Hours go by in this easy hush, and by ten o'clock, my coffee mug is completely empty and I'm festering in irritation.

'_Conner is late, if she even bothers to show up at all. Damn brat probably thought it would be a good idea to sleep in and skip out on work. Freaking idiot, avoiding punishment. Over my dead body…'_

The more I mull it over, the more irritated I become, and when I can't take it any longer, I smack my quill back into its well.

'_I'll fetch her my damn self then. I'm not about to let that woman slink away.'_

Fueled by anger, and growl but, just as I begin to stand, a soft knock sounds at my door. Instantly my eyes lock on to the polished wood and I'm determined to burn a hole through it.

"Name and business." I spit curtly.

Whoever the soldier is doesn't reply, but I can hear them shuffle their feet as if nervous.

"NAME AND BUSINESS." I spit again, louder this time.

'_I'm NOT in the mood to play twenty questions with some mindless recruit.'_

Once again, the soldier shuffles their feet, but before I get irritated even further, they finally speak.

"Avian Conner, sir... I…"

"Enter."

Her hushed voice stops at my hard interruption, and I revel in the thought of all the punishments I have in store for her in the few seconds it takes for her to open the door.

Avian softly closes the door behind her and slowly makes her way to me, stopping a meter or so away from my desk. I honestly don't really know what I was expecting. I guess I just imagined she would be her usual spirited self, so when I finally see her, her appearance hits me with mild surprise, and I take a moment to get a good, long look at her

To sum it up, she must have had one hell of a night because she looks like absolute shit. She's obviously clean, but that is the only thing she has going for her. With a deepening scowl, I scan my eyes over her deplorable appearance. Her hair is washed, but it hangs in damp, uncombed locks about her face, which I'm sure is making her freezing cold and is an open invitation for sickness. Her clothing is clean as well, but she must be wearing at least three jackets along with a pair of thick, woolen trousers, all of which are hopelessly wrinkled. A pair of brown mitts cover her small hands, and her winter leather boots are spotted by grass and melting shards of frost.

Worse than all of that, however, is her face. With a quick glance it is obvious that that woman is not well. Her skin is pale to an unhealthy degree, which only makes the darkening shadows under her eyes even more pronounced. Even the eyes themselves are glazed from what little I can see of them from where she stares at the floor.

'_Don't tell me all that alcohol and stress made her physically ill. How pitiable.'_

I frown deeply and cross my arms, keeping my face hard and unperturbed.

"You look like shit."

Avian doesn't respond right way, keeping her eyes on the floor.

"I know, sir." She responds softly, and my ears pick up something missing from her voice.

"You're two hours late. What the hell kept you?"

"I did not feel well, sir."

"Are you sick?"

"I was the previous night, sir."

"So you're late because your stomach hurt?" I sneer coolly, but the woman doesn't even flinch.

"Yes, sir."

I blink at her, intrigued by her odd behavior despite my irritation.

'_Guess it's to be expected after the hell she raised yesterday. Woman can be as skittish as a mouse.'_

Out of slight curiosity, I decide to not respond and let her stand in silence just to see what she will do. Instead of moving or instigating conversation with her usual questions as she has normally done in the past, she keeps silent and unmoving, eyes trained on the ground.

'_She's so…rigid.' _I muse, but shrug it off instantly. _'Probably scared out of her damn wits by me now. Serves her right.'_

"Well?"

At my harsh question, Avian shifts, though she still avoids my piercing gaze.

"Yes, sir?"

"Are you going to just stand there all day or are you going to help me?"

Avian shifts and reaches over for her chair that been resting against the left wall since her last visit and moves it in front of my desk.

"I'll assist you, sir."

Without another word, she sits down and takes the large stack of mission reports that I hand her.

"Organize them by squad leader name and date." I order her curtly, to which she simply blinks in reply.

"Yes, sir."

Satisfied that she is in line, I take to my own papers, still mulling with her possible punishments as I go about my work. Not long into our labor, however, I stop again and hit Avian with a harsh glare.

She hasn't even been here twenty minutes, but already she shows signs that she just isn't functional enough to do her work properly. Her head droops as if it's made of lead, and even though she is well dressed for the weather and the fire is blazing strongly only a few meters away, her little gloved hands still shake from the cold. It is absolutely pathetic.

With growing annoyance, I watch her from the side of my eye as she struggles to organize the papers I gave her. For whatever reason, be it the cold, lack of sleep, sickness, or something else, she just can't seem to keep herself together. The longer I watch her fumble with her task, the more aggravated I become.

'_This is just damn ridiculous.'_

After another minute of her aggravating fumbling, I finally get fed up, and roughly put my quill and paperwork on the desk, startling her.

"You are completely useless to me like this." I glare, and her exhausted gaze finally meets mine. "If you can't assist me, then get your ass out of here. Go clean the horse stalls or some shit like that."

All my rage bubbles in my words as, yet again to my utter frustration, I recall the night before.

"After that, you can swab the entire kitchen floor using only a rag, dust and polish every wooden furnishing in the dorms, refill all the firewood stands, clean out the ash from every fireplace in the building, and clean the windows until not a single smudge is left."

With every punishment I put on her, another of her heated accusations comes to mind, and the angrier I become. _'__Do you not have emotions at all!?', 'I've never seen you speak to others as if they are friend and not just another soldier', 'If you really do care so much about your team and the members in it, then why do you falter and pretend as if you don't!?'_ With every sentence, every word, my anger grows and I can feel my expression contort because of it. It's horrible. I hate it.

And yet… The worst part of it all is that, no matter how ruthlessly I speak to her now, my anger seems to have no effect.

Avian's face remains tired and flat, as if every movement she makes is a struggle, and her demeanor is so dead-pan that it looks as if she doesn't even care. She never says a word, standing like stone, never twitching a muscle through my mild rant, and only when I stop with my eyes piercing into her flesh does she come to life.

"Yes, sir." Is her only reply.

Without another word, action, or thought, Avian places the papers down and stands. I can only watch as she makes a salute that lacks any type of energy or enthusiasm, and ushers herself out of the room, closing the wooden door behind her.

Her behavior is so bazaar that, once she is gone, I almost forget my frustration completely and keep my eyes trained on the door as if I can see her through it.

'_She acts as if she doesn't even care who I am anymore. Like I'm just another officer…'_

And just like that, I remember her words from before. _'Do you wish for me to just become another soldier in uniform, lacking personality and individuality and close connection to you? If that is all of which you expect of me, and that is all that will be pleasing to you, then so be it.'_

I meditate on the memory, a confliction of different desires and emotions battling out in my mind. I figured she would act differently toward me because of our fight, but to actually uphold her declaration? I'm not sure why I'm so surprised by this. Looking back, all that woman has ever done is make good on her promises.

If it's one thing Avian has always been consistent on, it's keeping her word, especially when it concerns me. Knowing that, why should this be any different?

"If she's determined to make herself just another soldier in uniform in my eyes, I guess that makes me just another officer in uniform in her own as well." I mutter under my breath, and listen to the soft tap of her boots upon stone as she walks down the hall until even those muffled taps become silence.

…

Avian does not return for the remainder of the day, and since I'm so backed up on paperwork, I have no idea of knowing if she followed my orders or not.

Knowing her, she probably did, but even then I would only be half surprised if she didn't. Her energy was obviously nonexistent, and I do admit that I didn't take the temperature outside into consideration when giving her the punishments. I can only imagine how cold it must be outside, and having to wash stalls and scrub kitchen floors with your hands using icy water must be agony.

On the whole, I don't feel bad about punishing her, but deep down, the tiniest bit of remorse sits in my stomach when I think about how much she must be freezing. Hell, she was freezing in here where there is fire. For the sake of my sanity and to get my thoughts off her so I can do my work, I push it all to the back of my mind.

With no one else to help me, I spend the majority of the rest of the day stuck inside this damn office reading and signing paper after paper with little to no interaction with anyone. Oluo did drop by for a moment to apologize for his behavior, but I swiftly sent him out with the chore of cleaning every sink, cup, dish, pot, pan, and whatever else is in the cafeteria with his toothbrush. Needless to say, the man did not argue, and made damn sure that he didn't waste any more of my time lest I chew his head off again.

Other than him, I spend the day alone, working and festering under subdued anger until the room steadily becomes dark with night.

…

"Damn it all…" I mutter, leaning back in my chair to stretch my aching muscles.

I've been sitting here in the same spot for hours, and my wrist hurts from the cold as well as all the writing I've done.

I haven't paid any attention to the time, but I estimate it to be somewhere around eight in the evening if the dull twinge of hunger in my stomach is anything to go by.

'_I totally forgot about dinner because I've been so busy trying to get all this shit done. No thanks to that good for nothing brat.'_

I've been so frustrated by that woman that my aggravation never truly left. Instead, it festers like an infected wound just beneath my skin, and the effort of working in such a state all day has me so drained that I really don't feel like getting out of my chair.

'_Screw this. I shouldn't have to put up with all this shit.'_

For a moment, I just close my eyes and will myself to get lost in the sound of the crackling embers and waving flames of my fire. The soft noise is relaxing, and I can start to feel myself slowly begin to relax at long last.

I stay like that for a long time, ignoring the insisting call of hunger just so I can enjoy this momentary instance of rest. However, such a moment doesn't last long, for a few minutes later, someone knocks upon my door and disturbs my hard earned peace.

With a grunt that sounds like a sigh and a growl put together, I open my eyes and lean forward in my chair.

"State your name and business."

"Petra Ral, sir! Delivering mission briefing details."

'_At least it isn't damn Conner again.'_

With another grunt, I order her inside.

Closing the door behind her, Petra strides over and hands me a small stack of papers.

"Just recently amended by Commander Erwin." She declares as I scan my eyes quickly over the papers, flipping through them.

"He plans to seal the breach in Wall Maria in two weeks." I state mostly to myself, but Petra nods.

"Yes, sir. He was originally planning to do it sooner, but of course the Church of the Wall gave him a hard time about it."

"Tch. Damn religious pigs."

"I agree. At least the matter was resolved quickly. Darius doesn't pay them much mind when it comes to things like that, I hear."

"Good." I reply curtly, still thumbing through the documents. "Their heads are full of horse shit, every last one of them."

"I couldn't agree more."

Silence falls between us then as I take my time going over every detail of the mission he has in store for us. From what I can tell, it is similar to how the mission involving Wall Rose was conducted, with some minor adjustments.

A massive formation is to be gathered and escorted to the Wall where all of our supplies and equipment are already waiting. From there, Erwin plans to implement the same structure used previously at Wall Rose to protect the hole while Eren uses his titan power to reseal it. Only this time, our numbers will be swelled to twice our original soldier count thanks to the legion of Garrison soldiers that will be assisting us.

With their help, the entire Garrison/Recon Corps legion will be split into two: one half guarding the inside portion of Wall Rose on open ground, the other half defending the Shiganshina side. Because of the layout of the district, fighting titans on horseback won't be necessary, thus the entire regiment responsible for that part of the mission will be entirely composed of soldiers using 3DMG. From what I can tell, only a small portion of Recon soldiers will be included in this group since the majority of our force will be needed to defend the inner section of the wall on horses.

On the Garrison side, since their soldiers are less familiar with fighting on horseback as well as on open ground, they are mostly stationed on top of the wall, and only the most elite out of their ranks have been selected to fight in the district below.

'_About as good of a plan as any.' _I mull as I scan over the attached formation map Erwin has drawn up, committing it to memory.

Hidden just behind the papers blocking my view, I hear Petra shift, and she hesitantly speaks.

"So…" she begins, "I saw Avian cleaning the kitchen earlier this morning."

I keep my eyes trained on the map.

"So she is doing the chores I assigned her?"

"I assume so. That was the only time I saw her, though she didn't look as if she was feeling so well…"

Instead of acknowledging what she is referring to, I decide to not answer her, and Petra shifts again.

"Corporal…"

"What?"

"I…" she begins, sounding unsure. "I think you need to cut Avian some slack…"

At that I peer at her around my papers with a hard glare, but much to Petra's credit, she doesn't flinch from my gaze.

"I don't want to sound like I'm justifying what she did, or make it seem like I'm undermining your orders" she continues, "but I think you're working her too hard."

My eyes narrow at her statement.

"You talked to her last night I'm guessing." I venture, and Petra nods.

"I did. At first, I only wanted to calm her down and tell her that what she did was disrespectful, but…. when I got to her, I got the feeling that I really didn't need to. She feels horrible about what happened, and she really didn't mean to blow up on you like that."

'_Oh really? Never would have guessed that considering how she acted this morning.'_

For the moment, I set down the papers in my hands, and lean back in my chair.

"Now what makes you say that? She damn well made it look like she meant it." I state flatly, crossing my arms.

"I know because she told me."

At this, Petra lets out a small sigh and casts her eyes down in thought.

"She was so upset the entire time I talked with her. She just kept going on and on about how she had made a huge mistake and that she was sure you were going to kill her. She told me that she was afraid that you would have her sent back into the dungeon to be executed, though I assured her that you'd never do such a thing."

'_Sometimes I wish I could.'_

"Is that it?" I prompt, sounding bored with the entire subject.

"Not entirely…"

Petra hesitates for a few seconds, then continues with a confused expression.

"Corporal, did you make a deal of some kind with Avian?"

I quirk an eyebrow at her question.

"Deal?"

"Yes. While I talked to her, she kept saying she 'owed you' and that, even though she feels like a slave animal at times, she wouldn't dare disobey you or disregard you because she's 'indebted in gratitude'. Do you have any idea what she means by that?"

'_I sure as hell do.'_

I flashback to that night all those weeks ago, and once again see that ginger haired woman as clear as crystal making that solemn oath to me. She looked so earnest and determined back then, and for the briefest of moments, she looked like a true soldier.

Like a side-by-side comparison, I place the image of her from this morning beside the one I remember from that night, and the difference is like night and day.

'_What a massive change…'_

Petra retrains her amber eyes on me, waiting for an answer, and eventually I give in.

"I do." I respond half-heartedly. "That woman believes I saved her life during her retrial, so she made an oath of loyalty to me."

At my statement, Petra makes an oddly self satisfied noise.

"I knew it."

I turn to her and raise my brow again in question.

"Knew what?"

"That she really does look up to you."

Petra's answer catches me off guard, and a spark of curiosity blooms in my chest.

"Explain." I order, and focus all my attention on her as she obeys.

"Everyone else has noticed this since our time at the old HQ, but while I spoke with her, I was still kind of surprised by how well she spoke of you, even though she was obviously frustrated. I had already noticed certain traits of her before, like how hard she works and how determined she is to succeed when you are teaching her something new. At first, I just thought of it as a new soldier striving to better themselves, but after last night, I realized that it's more than that."

Petra blinks at me and a level of earnest enters her gaze.

"Believe it or not, she really admires you, Corporal. All she could talk about was how much she wanted to be seen as useful, and how much she wanted to prove that she was worthy of your help. Avian REALLY tries her best at everything she does because she wants to impress you, to make you proud. She told me that she yearns to become the kind of soldier you are: fast and strong, unafraid, skilled, respected, trusted…"

She tapers off at the end, and though I make sure to keep my face bored and flat, inside I'm a bit stunned.

'_Is she serious?' _I wonder mentally. _'Does that shitty brat really feel like that? Even though I evidently piss her off and work her like a damn dog?'_

I don't know why, but such information is new to me, especially with how she acted toward me this morning as if I wasn't anything special. Her treatment of me earlier didn't bother me of course, but to hear that that strange shifter holds me in such high regard after all the shit I've put her through… it's unreal.

"It really isn't my place," Petra continues, drawing me out of my inner pondering. "but I really do believe it would be better if you lighten up on her. She's working her tail off trying to get everything you want done on time, and to your level of satisfaction. I'm not excusing her for what she did because it was out of line, but from what she told me, she is kind of overwhelmed by the stress of all the missions and all the death. She is still a new recruit after all…"

"I see…"

I let that sentence hang in the air for a moment, and suddenly, an idea pops into my head.

"Oi, Petra…" I begin, and at her name, that woman straightens.

"Yes, sir?"

"What do you think of me?"

At my question, the senior soldier blinks and she fumbles for words.

"I… I'm sorry?" 

"What do you think of me?" I repeat, keeping my eyes on her. "Was Conner right about everything she said about me?"

Petra fumbles under the sudden unexpected question and lowers her gaze.

"Well…." She starts, sounding highly uncomfortable. "…you are a bit on the strict side…"

Her voice is sincere, and for a moment I believe that she is going to be honest, but at the last moment, her tone changes and she continues on in an embarrassed rush.

"B… but it's not even that bad!" she quickly amends with a nervous smile. "You're Humanity's Strongest Soldier, so you have a lot on your plate, so it's understandable if you get frustrated and lash out at times. Who are we to judge on how your personality is or how you act? We are all soldiers here, so we all must be determined and disciplined."

That woman stops, and I frown at her heavily.

"I see…"

Once more, I let silence fall between us, and Petra fidgets with nervousness. After a minute or two, she finally wills up the courage to speak.

"I… is there anything else you need from me, Corporal?"

Instead of answering her right away, I take my gaze away, lean back in my chair, and mess with the papers on my desk. After a moment, I respond without giving her a glance.

"That is all. You are dismissed."

With a sigh, possibly out of relief, Petra salutes and hastily makes her way out of the room so once again it is only me and the fire, both of us burning but for two entirely different reasons.

'_So not even one of my senior squad members feels comfortable enough to be honest with me.' _I muse with slight disappointment. _'Even Petra chose to sidestep my question instead of answering directly.'_

I'm unsure exactly how I feel about this new development, and I lean back in my chair to ponder over it.

'_It's funny. How can someone who has fought beside me in battle after battle, and has gone through hell and back, find it more difficult to be honest with their own captain than someone who has only known me for half a year, and is by all accounts a weak, idiotic, shitty brat?'_

No matter how hard I try, no answer comes to me.

…..

With the date for our next mission just on the horizon, the next two weeks go by in a flurry of activity and wintery dread, feeling both rushed and sluggish at the same time.

During this span of preparation, the Recon Corps handled its jobs as usual: assigning carts, forming squads, prepping gear, and everything else that goes along with it, only this time, there was no materials or supplies to escort, only more Garrison soldiers.

While I no longer had to worry about scanning over inventory reports and all that crap, in no way did that lighten my workload, and it's in those busy days that I noticed the impact of Avian's altered behavior the greatest.

Though her sickness seemed to have cleared the day after our pitiful meeting, in the days following, we hardly made any contact. I was uncertain if it was due to the strain of work that needed to be done, or because she was intentionally avoiding me, but whether it was on purpose or not, that woman was never around when I needed her.

In between my short sightings of her, I was torn between wanting to let the matter of our previous engagements go, and wanting to strangle her for her insubordination and her public retaliation of my authority. No one had EVER dared to stand up to me like that, and the broadest side of my brutal heart craved to make her pay for her actions dearly. A number of spiteful punishments burned to be uttered at the back of my throat, but much to my displeasure, I never really get the chance to bestow them.

That woman was always running around on some kind of urgent task, or devoted to helping another officer with some kind of chore. She buzzed around the Corp's compound like a fly, flittering from here to there, never in one spot for too long. Whenever I caught glimpse of her she would just go about her business, too devoted to her given task to notice me and then, with a twirl or a step, her ginger hair would disappear behind a stable or into a building, short ponytail bouncing.

Thanks to that utterly annoying fact, conversation is next to zero between us.

Whenever we DID interact, however, in sputtered, short instances in the hall or outside, it was always formal and professional on her part. Her demeanor looked as if it was back to normal, as I'd seen her converse with Eren and Petra just fine, but any conversation between us was always short and clipped. That woman avoided eye contact as much as she could and, though her voice was never angered or annoyed or showed the slightest hint of disrespect, her responses to whatever I ask of her were strictly formal, and she never spoke to me unless I spoke to her first.

Even when I did happen to talk with her, I could never hold a full conversation or bestow more punishment on her, for as soon as I said all that she needed to hear, that shitty brat would salute hastily and sprint away. Every chance I got that woman somehow eluded me, or another officer would call her away for some meaningless task, leaving me to simmer on my unspoken irritation even longer.

Not only was _her_ behavior towards me affected by our conflict, the behavior of other soldiers was skewed as well.

With my high ranking and esteemed title of 'Humanity's Strongest', I had grown very accustomed to cadets and recruits taking extra care whenever speaking to me, but such caution seemed to escalate immediately after that scene in the mess hall. I could go nowhere without prying eyes following me, and voices lowered into either hushed whispers or complete silence. Communication was strained and it seemed as if every soldier who came into my presence acted as if they were stepping on live coals and eggshells. I could see fear grope the edges of their eyes and the corners of their mouth and brows, drawing them down in expressions of extreme carefulness of which I was NOT used to.

If that wasn't enough, cadets took it even one step further. Though never uttered in my presence, I did hear mutterings of rumor around the dorms of the woman who had stood her ground against the great Lance Corporal Levi. 'Daring Avi Ale' they called her, both in honor and mockery of her indeed daring, drunken rant. Such musings were always quailed immediately whenever I entered a room, of course, but it was easy enough for me to tell that two divisions had formed within the ranks of the cadets; those who admired that brat's brashness, and those who considered her an outright lunatic. I personally agreed with the latter.

So not only had Avian's perception of me changed, but the whole damn legion's. And with those two monumental facts, that is how the majority of my time outside of damn paperwork was spent, with me playing eye tag with an especially elusive child-sized, freckled brat while dodging baited gazes and heated gossip from every soldier I happened to come into contact with.

It was nothing short of infuriating.

But at long last, the day of humankind's reckoning arrived, and potential victory was so close, so enticingly close, that every soldier could almost taste it, and for just this moment, all that trivial commotion was pushed to the back of everyone's minds. All of our work the past five years had led up to this point, and one way or another, we were going to see this through. We would succeed, we would conquer, humanity would take another step toward eradicating those titan vermin from our walls once and for all. This plan had to succeed, we had no choice.

It was so easy leaving the Stohess gate when our minds where filled with visions of glory and triumph, and not even the strenuous trek to Castle Mittefeld and beyond to Wall Maria could dampen our resolve. Confidence in ourselves and in the combined strength of humanity overrode any fear, and for many, this was the day where we would finally take back a part of what was ours. This would be the day where we would show those monstrous bastards just how powerful we could be.

Oh, but how swiftly can the tide of battle change.

….

Winter is a harsh mistress that feels no remorse for the wellbeing of those caught in her freezing clutches. It is she who helps bring about cold and death, and it is she who forces her power onto every living being under her care, squeezing every last bit of strength and warmth from their limbs. But it is not the stinging cold of icy fingers numbing every exposed piece of skin that is chilling me to the deepest parts of my core.

My ears start at the sound of another shattering scream, suddenly cut off in morbid silence, leaving only a distant echo of a voice to bounce between the empty buildings in Shiganshina.

'_Another one lost.'_

How long have we been fighting now? Minutes? Hours? It is so hard to tell when your only focus is to kill every monster within your sight without letting yourself be killed in the process.

Our plan to deliver the large, metal netting to the outermost gate of Shiganshina in hopes of using it to block incoming titans from entering through the destroyed gate into an already gorged district failed miserably. Somewhere among the ruins of this dismal place lays an empty cart occupied that one, lonely net, and even now I can still see the image of that wooden carriage barren and covered in stains of crimson.

"Corporal! Two on the left!"

Jax's voice calls to me from his position a few rooftops away, his locks messy and stiff from cold, and motions with a blade to his side, where two great, ugly heads just peek around the side of a distant building.

'_There is no damn end to them.'_

Since the district gate is wide open, titans keep pouring in with no one to stop them. All around me, I can just make out the dark green spots that I know to be other Recon soldiers as they fly about, slicing down every titan in their path before any of the beasts can make their way to the exposed Wall Maria gate that Eren is still in the middle of repairing.

Much like our expedition to Rose, the teen is stuck with construction duty, relying on his titan powers to rebuild the breach as quickly as possible while hundreds of soldiers from the Corps and the Garrison lay down their lives to protect him. I have no idea of knowing just how well the Wall Maria side is faring, but there has been no signal flare to indicate an order to retreat, so with nothing to hinder us, my squad and I continue on our mission.

Beside me, Victora flies into action.

"I got these!" she declares with a shout, shooting her cables into the nearest structure and gasses away, blades glinting.

With a flick of my head, I motion for Jax to follow her.

"Stay together." I order curtly, a deep frown upon my features.

Without waiting for a reply, I too, set myself into motion. With a skilled flick, I toss away my blunted blades and step off the edge of the building I'm currently standing on and shoot off my cables, launching me into the brisk air with great purpose. Ahead of me in the distance, tiny dots fly around a large titan, possibly an eighteen meter class, and I watch as they cut it down, bouts of steam clouding them from sight.

As I shoot my cables again, I swing around the tall body of the district's clock tower and spy three smaller class titans almost directly below me, each in perfect position for killing strikes.

With ease gained from many years of experience, I calmly let myself float in the air while I refill my sheaths with fresh blades. Adjusting my swords, I twist and use the gas to propel myself downward. The tallest of the group feels the sting of my blades first, toppling over instantly as boiling titans' blood gushes out of its wound. With a slight motion with my hips, I shoot out my cables into the building ahead of me, sliding under the falling body of the titan I just killed, and rocket forward. The two smaller titans on either side of me turn as I fly by them, both of their ugly as shit faces gaping at me.

Before either of them can even begin to snatch at me, I'm meters ahead, and now filled with excitement at the prospect of a meal, both stumble forward in a run to catch up with me.

'_Hungry?' _I mock, sneering at their bloated bodies. _'Come here and I'll give you something to chew on.'_

Using the muscles in my legs, I swing them upward on my cables so that I'm facing the oncoming beasts upside down and, with a swift retraction, I shoot out my cables again, this time into the chest of the leftmost giant. Using gas to speed myself up, I fly forward and sharply cut around the titan's massive head. Mid-turn, I right myself and soon I see nothing but exposed neck, and with controlled temper, I gas forward again and slice the nape right open.

Before the body can have time to fall, I use its broad mass as a stepping stone and jump into the air. The final titan watches me with beady, runny eyes and opens its mouth as if it believes it can catch me.

"Tch."

Clenching lightly on the gas trigger, I easily float over the head of the giant and, after adjusting my blades so that they are in my signature reverse grip, spiral into a rapid spin that cuts a massive chunk of flesh from the titan's body.

With a death induced groan, the titan falls, and I gently land on the roof behind it without so much as a speck of blood to blemish my uniform.

"Corporal!"

At the call, I turn and see Jax and Victora making their way to me with matching expressions of admiration.

"Three on one? That's freaking crazy..." Jax mutters as he lands beside me. "Not a single one of these titans is going to make it through our defensive line with you here."

At his comment, Victora lets out a snort.

"Of course they won't. Damn bastards aren't going anywhere near the hole if I have something to do about it."

Shrugging off that woman's comment, Jax trains his eyes on me.

"Should we advance? There hasn't been any distress signals from the rear for a while."

"No." I reply sharply, much to his surprise. "We'll hold our line here."

"But the outer guards are already ahead." He counters, perplexed. "Surely we are cleared to advance?"

"No." I repeat, harsher this time, and hit both soldiers with a glare. "We will stay here. You two go and scout back behind us."

Hearing the uncompromising tone in my voice, neither argue and immediately usher themselves away, back toward the Wall Maria gate where the Rouge Titan can just be seen behind a half built wall of stone.

As I watch the two members of my squad shrink in the distance, a strange feeling overcomes me and settles in my stomach, a feeling that has been bothering me ever since I woke this morning. I can't identify exactly what the feeling is, but it sits with a weight similar to dread, though I have no idea what it is that I'm dreading. As far as I can tell, the mission is going well aside from the high death count, but such a thing can't be helped.

Offhandedly, I ponder over the SOAR squad's efforts. I hadn't been back to the wall since the mission officially began, but every once in a while I find myself peering over and find the wall's edge lined with the bodies of injured soldiers, medical staff and nurses flying in-between patients, constantly running with no end in sight.

Even with the mission going smoothly and SOAR doing everything in their power to alleviate losses, the number of injured and dead is disturbing. And the worst part of it is, is that no matter how many titans myself and other scouts kill, more will just pour right in from the open Shiganshina gate, and it is taking everything that the Corps and Garrison have to keep the threat at bay.

Clenching my fists around my blades, I glare around me and shoot off into the wind, narrowing my eyes against the frosty air and the sting of my bangs against my numbing flesh. I soar around, killing titan after titan, keeping one eye ahead of me and the other trained on the distant dots of Jax and Victora as they make a similar dance around titans of their own.

The feeling of odd dread doesn't leave and, the more time that passes, the stronger the feeling becomes.

'_What the hell is wrong with me?' _I wonder in anger, cursing this weakness plaguing me.

Perhaps it is just the gravity of the mission weighing me down, or perhaps it is the sickness of knowing just how many soldiers have died already, and because the mission has yet to be accomplished. Perhaps it is just the cutting breezes freezing my limbs and numbing my face, its cold fingers lacing through my body into the pit of my abdomen that is causing this discomfort. Whatever it is, I will it to stop.

While mid flight and high in the air, a loud yell catches my attention, and I turn my cool gaze to my right to see three scouts flying about in a flurry of motion around a large group of titans, five in all. At first, I fail to see what the commotion is about, but as I watch on, a faceless soldier gasses around one of the tallest titans in an effort to reach it's weak point. In the process, however, the titan leans its head back so far that it should be anatomically impossible and, before the soldier can so much as scream, the titan snaps its teeth shut. All that is left is a single, bloodied leg that falls like a drop of morbid rain to the ground.

'_Damn it.'_

With a growl, I alter my course with a hard burst of gas and start to make my way toward the group, but I'm so far away that all I can do is watch.

At the sight of the severed limb, another soldier screams in horror. She is in so much shock that a smaller titan from the same group catches her with its grubby hand. The scout lets out a shriek.

"MONA! HANG ON!"

With his yell, the third soldier flies forward as the titan brings his teammate to its mouth and slashes the beast's fingers right off. For a moment, the female cadet is free, and both she and her companion swing away in an attempt to escape. To my dismay, before they get too far both of their wires are grabbed and dragged down with them still attached. What happens next is hidden behind a building, but I can hear their terrified screams clearly.

"SHIT!"

Flying in from my right, Victora and Jax speed their way to the group of titans, Victora screaming a number of curses along the way.

"DAMN BASTARDS! I'LL SLICE YOU ALL TO PIECES!"

With a great gust of gas, Victora propels herself at great speed and readies her blades.

Instantly I know that she is about to make a horrible mistake.

"NO! WATCH OUT!"

My warning breaks through the air just as her blades cut down the first of the shorter titans, but it doesn't reach her fast enough. Within a moment, punctuated by Jax calling her name, Victora yelps as one of the beasts smacks her with the back of its hand, sending her reeling into the sky.

Pushed on by desperation, I gun myself forward and I watch as she begins to fall, still in a daze from the hit. The titans are only ten meters away now, but I'm still not close enough to do anything but watch as the smallest titan makes a dazzling leap upwards.

Only the bottom half of Victora's body manages to escape being devoured.

Fueled by rage and blood pulsing through my veins with immense bloodlust, I catapult into a deadly spin and slice open the neck of the titan, relishing in the sound of its flesh being shredded.

Behind me, Jax screams with fury and slashes the throat of another titan, making the beast's head loll forward so he can speed behind it and deliver a fatal strike.

Together, both he and I swing out of range of greedy hands, revenge powering every fiber of my being.

'_JUST HOW MANY OF MY MEN WILL YOU KILL TODAY!?' _I scream mentally at the monsters, seeing every death, not just Victora's, play over and over again in my mind's eye like some sadistic play.

I feel my face crumple into an expression of pure rage as I gaze at the two remaining titans, a short seven meter, and the tall fifteen meter aberrant. The aberrant watches me with its eyes, its head resting on the back of its shoulders as if its neck is broken, and its mouth seems to grin at me as if it is proud of the red stains coloring its hideous teeth.

I'm so consumed by controlled rage that I barely notice the sickening feeling of dread that churns in my stomach as its dark eyes meet mine.

From the corner of my eye, I see Jax twist in midair, features tight in anger, and shoot his cables into the back of the smaller titan.

"KILL THAT BASTARD CORPORAL!" he yells as he flies, blades glinting with deadly thirst. "KILL IT DEAD!"

'_My pleasure.'_

Ignoring the ball sitting in my abdomen, I concentrate every ounce of my attention on the monster in front of me.

"You enjoy eating my friends, don't you?" I snarl with murderous intent, adjusting my grip. "Well, killing your shit face will be the highlight of my day. I wonder how it will feel for you when my blades tear you limb from limb?"

As a wave of fresh vengeance overwhelms me, I fly like a bullet from a gun. In the blink of an eye, I'm swirling around its entire body, blades digging into every bit of exposed flesh I can manage. I twist and gas, swords cutting into sides and its face, disfiguring it horribly. With every slash I release my rage, reveling in the blood spurting from every wound, and for each cut I make, I do so in the memory of a fallen comrade. Ada, Spruce, Flick, Deglan, Snives, Hoden, Katsey… Every name flashes before my eyes with every slice, every slit, every gash and every hack.

We've lost so many soldiers today already, and I feel the weight of every one of their deaths up to this point like a vice to the heart. So many dead, so many pyres, so many grieving families, so many traumatized cadets and remorseful leaders.

Today was supposed to be a day of victory; a day for a new beginning for mankind, the next step ahead. But all it has been is a mass slaughter, a slaughter of which I can do nothing about.

My hands grip my blades as I swing around for the fatal blow, and I can feel the heat of rage burning in my fingertips.

'_If you want us, then just try to kill us, you filthy bastards!'_

With its neck finally exposed and righteous wrath pushing me on, I shoot out my cables and yank myself forward.

Everything next happens so quickly that I don't even have time to react, and all that I am aware of is the nauseous feeling in the center of my body suddenly flaring up like a sickness just as my right cable suddenly clangs to a halt.

With a grunt, I fling my legs forward to try and keep myself upright at the sudden stop of momentum, and I only have a second to distractedly wonder in shock at the malfunction of my gear before a crushing weight encases my entire body.

Instantly my right arm screeches in agony and all the air is forced from my lungs. Grunting from pain, I focus my eyes downward and find my entire body inside the calloused hand of a titan.

Behind me, Jax calls my name, but when he tries to fly by to cut the aberrant down, the titan swings its dislodged head around and snaps at him, nearly taking a leg.

'_What… just happened?'_

This change of events is so sudden and so unexpected that, for a brief moment, I'm completely taken by shock and can only stare at the face of my captor as the broken-neck titan rolls its disfigured head toward me, bloodied teeth grinning.

Upon seeing the titan's disgusting maw so close to me, I snap back into my senses and snarl and put all my strength into pushing the titan's fingers apart, but not even 'Humanity's Strongest' is strong enough to compete with a titan, and the searing pain in my right arm is so excruciating that it blossoms black spots in my vision and I have to stop.

Somewhere behind the titan holding me I see Wall Maria in the distance, and two gruesome heads waddling on thick legs heading straight for it.

Gritting my teeth, I swivel my head around until I catch Jax with my eyes.

"Defend the gate!" I yell to him, stopping him dead in his tracks upon a rooftop.

"I can't leave you, Corporal…" the man begins to retaliate, but I swiftly cut him off with a curse.

"DON'T ABANDON THE MISSION AND GO DEFEND THE DAMN GATE!"

The man just stares at me with wide-eyed indecision, and with each second that passes, the two titans get farther away, and the grip around my body tightens.

"JUST DO WHAT THE FUCK I SAY!" I suddenly snap, face contorted in rage.

Adrenaline courses through my veins like burning acid, compelling my limbs to act of their own accord. Once again, I find myself pouring every ounce of strength into pushing the titan's fingers apart.

'_I did NOT come this far to die now! ESPECIALLY not from a damn GEAR MALFUNCTION.'_

I have no idea of knowing if Jax obeyed my order. I'm only aware of myself and the looming face of death in front of me as it watches my struggle as if amused by my efforts. I manage to create a little room between myself and the monster's grasp, but just as I do, the broken-neck titan shifts it's gleaming eyes onto me.

Slowly, as if to mock me, it's hand slowly tightens and takes back all the space that I created, and more so, crushing me. It hurts to even move. My shoulder is in agony. I find it difficult to breathe. How could have things changed so fast?

The titan smiles at my feeble attempts at escape, and raises me to its face. Because its neck is unable to hold its great head aloft, the creature grins sideways and with deliberate slowness, its jaws open, and I suddenly wonder if that is what the Gates of Hell look like. Confined and deprived of any means of retaliation, I'm forced to watch as a great vertical orifice yawns before my eyes, blood and saliva dripping in anticipation from between its teeth. That is all I see now - the tan of rotting teeth and the glaring red of its mouth, and as all of my vision is focused on that singular sight, I suddenly understand what that heavy weight in the pit of my stomach was.

It was a warning.

Someway, somehow, it had known that something would be different today. It had known that fate had twisted my lifeline in such a way that my end would come sooner than I could have ever expected.

The worst part of it all, is that there is not a damn thing I can do about it. Anger, revenge, resolve, and killing determination still fuel my limbs, and though I'm unconscious of my continued struggle to parry the fingers gripping my frame, some place deep down in the most primitive part of my being, I know it is helpless. I am human after all.

Why should I be so surprised? Death comes to everyone, and skill does not deter its greed for long. Why am I any different? What do I always say - live life with no regrets, because no one can know how the outcome of the day will turn out. Soldiers swear to give their lives for the sake of humanity, I am no different. All those years serving in the Corps has been for one singular purpose: to eradicate the titans once and for all. To fight until my dying breath.

Well here is my chance. Death has finally come for me, but even being this close to an eternity of nothingness, there is no fear.

Shadow passes over me, and saliva drips onto me as the beast pushes me inside its mouth, and yet fear does not come. The only thing I feel now is the unrivaled, instinctive will to survive. Even though I know it is hopeless, I still continue to push against the weight crushing me, ignoring the anguish in my shoulder, and my ears are deafened by my rage filled yell.

'_I will LIVE. I HAVE to! I'll kill ALL OF YOU! DAMN BASTARDS! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!'_

As darkness closes in on me, I put everything I have, my strength, my determination, my vengeance, my fury, into one final wave of defiance. Screaming with the will to survive, I push against the fingers holding me, and with belated hesitance, they grudgingly begin to open.

"I will NOT DIE TODAY!"

So focused am I on pushing the fingers off of my body, that I do not notice the sound of rapid, galloping titan steps from somewhere behind the aberrant. Somewhere farther away than that, Jax screams.

"CORPORAL!"

At his voice, a powerful might pushes from beneath me, and with a force that unintentionally smacks my face into the titan's fingers, I'm launched with the titan's hand still wrapped around my body into the air. As caught by surprise as I am, I feel the grip upon me slacken, and seeing my chance, I push the fingers away. They let go and suddenly, I'm free. Only two words occupy my mind now.

'_Get away.'_

Ignoring the broken right cable, I launch my left hook into the first building I see and gas myself swiftly away and stumble to a halt upon a orange rooftop. My breaths come in gasps, and my dislocated right shoulder hangs in limp agony at my side, but I'm filled with a vigor I've never really felt before. It's the unbridled joy of surviving.

"HELP HER!"

Jerking to attention at the yell, I abruptly become conscious of the battle going on behind me, and I'm haunted with the thought of just what the hell happened to allow me to escape.

That is when I become aware of a blood curling, inhuman scream.

Turning to the sound, I see Jax flying around the aberrant, unable to make a killing cut, and opposite him, Roda gasses herself down low to attack the beats throat. But it is neither of them that has my attention.

There, screaming and slashing with its left arm and leg caught in the broken-neck titan's mouth, fights the Child Titan. The Child Titan lets out another shattering scream, its eyes wide and pupils nothing but pinpricks, and stabs her claws into the eye of the aberrant in a flurry of instinct driven panic.

"Roda!" Jax calls, swinging around in mid air just behind the massive giant, swords gleaming in position.

The woman doesn't answer, but instead gasses herself flying, flipping with skill midflight to slice the throat of the aberrant clean off. With the slash, the broken-neck titan's head flops forward, though it does not release its prey from its jaws, and Jax instantly moves in for the kill. The aberrant is so distracted with crushing the Child Titan between it teeth that it never sees the fatal blow coming.

Blood spraying from the open wound in its nape, the titan's jaws finally go slack, and the Child Titan falls, landing with a loud thud on the ground stories below. I follow the titan with my eyes until she falls out of sight, and turn my attention to the man rapidly coming toward me.

"Corporal! You alright?" Jax flies to land beside me, his expression still wide.

Only at his comment to I remember the stinging pain in my shoulder and grit my teeth. Without answer, I grip my elbow with my good arm and, with a sharp jerk, yank the joint back into place. I cannot help the hiss of pain that escapes my lips then, but almost at once most of the burning in my shoulder dulls, leaving only a throbbing ache.

"I'm fine." I reply, rolling my shoulder to make sure that it really is fine, and frown at the looseness of the joint.

"What the hell happened? Did your gear malfunction?" the man continues, eyeing my busted gear, the right cable laying on the rooftop, unable to retract back inside.

"It jammed." Is my only reply, and yank the cable with my hand, temporarily fixing the kink in the wire so the cable whizzes back into place with a bang.

"I'm so sorry Corporal." Jax continues in a shaky voice so unlike him. "I… I froze. I couldn't bring myself to leave you, but I almost sat back and watched you get eaten…"

His expression and voice is so broken and traumatized that he looks more like a giant child than a soldier. Just as I'm about to do my best to reassure him, I'm interrupted by Roda's voice from somewhere on the ground.

"Guys! Titan's incoming!" her voice breaks the silence.

Narrowing my eyes, I look about myself and see that, indeed, titans ARE incoming, a whole shit ton of them. Attracted by that damn Child titan's screaming, an entire horde is making its way to us from every direction.

"Don't let them through!"

At my order, I cautiously step off the edge and fly into motion, mostly relying on my left cable for momentum, and go to greet the two closest monsters. Even with a handicapped arm and faulty equipment, I manage to kill the small titans easily enough, slicing both their necks in one go.

Somewhere beside me, Jax handles his own crowd of monsters, slashing and flying with renewed vigor, obviously over his shock.

After taking down another seven meter class, I cast my eyes downward to watch as Roda sinks her blade into the neck of the Child titan, cutting a great hole in its flesh.

'_What the hell is she doing!?'_

Turning mid flight, I alter my course and land on the ground a few meters away from her.

"What the hell is going on?" I demand, making my way to them.

Roda greets me with oddly piercing eyes, her dark gaze glinting in the chill air.

"We have to get Avian out, she's severely injured."

'_Injured?'_

With a sliding gaze, I focus my attention to the Child Titan before me and I'm a bit taken aback by the look of utter panic on its face. Both of its eyes are wide as plates, dot-like pupils staring at something in the distance. From what I can tell, the titan looks just fine aside from the blood trickling from its mangled left limbs, but as I watch the blood trail down in a slow stream to fall on the ground, I'm aware of something peculiar.

The blood is so vibrant, and it flows with not so much as a little bit of steam to mark its course. It colors the pale flesh of its host's limbs, and for a brief moment, I wonder at it.

'_Titan's don't bleed like that.' _I muse, suddenly understanding. _'But the people in them do.'_

Just as I make that epiphany, steam erupts from the Child Titan's neck, and the top half of Avian appears in the fog. She lets out a gasp, her expression as contorted as the one on her titan, and bends her sweat covered head downward in exhaustion.

"M…. my arm…" she mutters, gasping from pain. "My l… leg…"

"Hang on, I'll help you get out." Roda reassures her, sheathing her blades so she can climb atop the body.

"Corporal! More titans!" Jax yells above me, making me gaze upward. "I can't fight them all!"

Clenching my fists, I fix Roda with a hard gaze.

"Get her out of here. Jax and I will hold them off as long as we can."

When Roda nods, I fly back into the air only to be greeted by the sight of a dozen or more titans coming our way. I scowl at every single one of them.

'_Come and taste my steel.'_

Filled with burning will, I launch into action, cutting down titan after titan with skill and speed, but for every monster I kill, another takes its place. Jax and I work furiously to hold the hoard at bay, but they slowly gain ground, two lone soldiers not enough to quell the force the monstrous wave coming to us.

Below me, Roda struggles to free Avian from her titan, and every tug is answered by a pain filled scream on Conner's part. The small woman's body is still attached by its lower half, and when I take in the situation we are in, I realize that there isn't enough time to tug the woman free.

Grinding my teeth, I turn around and begin making my way back to Roda and Avian.

"Retreat! Fall back to the wall!"

At my order, both she and Jax look up at me with astonishment, but I kill their surprise instantly with a burning glare.

"DO AS I SAY AND FALL BACK."

They hesitate, a mix of emotion's playing on their faces as they look at each other, then at the ginger below, but with grudging acceptance, they both do as I say.

Jax grunts as he begins to fly away, and Roda casts a single glance back at the woman still trapped in her titan. Avian lifts an arm as if she can grasp the veteran and hold her there, but Roda flies away, leaving Avian on her own on the ground.

Titans are everywhere, and it is just me. As much as I yearn to cut the bastards down, there are just too many, and with the broken-neck titan still fresh in my mind, I will take no chances.

With the horde of monsters at my heels, I gas forward, shooting my cables into the building ahead of me in a low flying sweep. As I do Avian, still struggling to free herself, glances at me, and her eyes are filled with primal fear.

'_Damn brat!'_

With another sweep I open up my right arm and, with a hard grunt, catch the woman under her arms. Pain erupts from my shoulder, but I just cling to the woman tighter. Using gas to power our ascent, that woman screams in agony as she is forcibly ripped from the titan body and soon, both of us are flying over rooftops.

It takes every ounce of my experience and strength to keep us both balanced on my single wire, but somehow I manage, and the horde slowly fades in the distance behind us.

Only when I'm sure we are out of immediate danger do I glance down. Conner hangs limply in my arm, the sudden surge of pain having knocked her out, and blood makes crimson trails down her left arm and leg.

'_Damn it.'_

It takes a minute for me to guide us to the wall, but once there, only Jax waits in front of a line of other injured cadets, a medial soldier at his side.

"Lay her here." The medic orders, motioning to a slim open space on the stone wall, and I obey without a word.

Setting her down, Avian's head lolls back, and when the medic begins to remove her jacket to assess her wounds, the woman looks by all means dead.

Now that we are all safely atop the wall, I go about removing my busted gear, still scowling at the faulty equipment and throw the metal to Jax unceremoniously.

"Go find replacement gear." I order him, to which he nods.

"Yes, sir."

Once he is gone, I turn my attention back to the medic, who is now holding a thick square of fabric on top of the woman's thigh, a second stack of fabric under her shoulder blade.

"How much blood has she lost?" the medic asks without moving his eyes from his patient.

I shrug, feeling oddly calm.

"Don't know. Too much probably."

The medic scowls, but before he can reply, another medic comes up to him urgently.

"Three more sir, all amputees." She says, and the man curses.

"Where are the others!?" he demands, to which the woman shakes her head.

"They are all working. We don't have enough people."

"Damn it all."

Tense silence falls between the two as they mentally debate as what to do next, then without knowing it, my body moves of its own accord. With a step, I crouch down and place my hand over the fabric collecting the blood from Avian's thigh, and cast a cool gaze at the male medic.

"Go help them. I'll get this."

Both watch me, stunned for a quick second at their prized Corporal, then they hastily nod and stand, leaving me as they run back down the length of the wall to where more patients wait. Once gone, it is just the woman and I.

With nothing else to hold my attention, I cast my eyes to her slack face. In the silence covering us, and with nothing to distract my mind, the scene with the broken-neck titan crawls into the forefront of my mind, and with it, a swelling of emotions that I can't identify.

Now that I have a chance to really think, I suddenly realize that this woman just saved my life, and the shock of such an epiphany hits me so hard, my breathing almost stops.

Never before has something like that happened, nothing even CLOSE. All my life, I've relied on my own strength and skill to save myself, and I am very much capable of doing so. But this time, it was different. This time, my strength and skill meant nothing.

For the first time in my life, I was rendered completely helpless. All my skill, my experience, my prowess, my power, ALL of it was meaningless, all because of a simple malfunction in my gear. All because of a twist of fate.

Staring at the pale face of the woman before me, a deep chill shakes my body that has nothing to do with the winter wind blowing my bangs into my face and numbing my cheeks.

'_I almost died…' _I wonder, and though my expression is flat and bland, my insides shake at this notion.

'_I almost DIED.'_

What a foreign thought, one I never believed I'd ever hear myself think. But yet, here I am, kneeling on frozen stone trying to stop the bleeding of a wound torn into the body of someone who just saved my life.

All at once, I'm overwhelmed by a sudden wave of emotion that racks my body with its force.

'_I shouldn't be here. I should be dead. I should be…'_

Wave after wave of everything from shock to anger to guilt and finally relief pour in my veins, and as I keep my eyes trained on Avian's unconscious face, the greatest of these emotions comes forth.

Gratitude.

For the first time in my life, roles have been reversed. Since the day I joined the Corps, it has always been me who did the saving. It was always me who rescued people just in the nick of time. It was me who people would stare at with undying gratitude and joy, shaking in their emotions like a leaf in the wind.

But today, it is no longer I who did the rescuing, instead, it is I who had to be rescued. The bond that forms between a rescuer and the rescued is now tethering me, but in this single instance, it is reversed. The feeling is so bizarre and foreign that all I can do is marvel at its novelty, uncertain just how to process this information.

"I shouldn't be here…" I repeat in a hushed whisper as soldiers run around me, but I'm only aware of the one soldier under my hands, the one soldier who managed to do the impossible, the one soldier who is now slowly bleeding to death.

With a start, I cast my eyes at the feeling of liquid between my fingers as blood slowly soaks through the fabric under my hands, staining my fingers in crimson.

'_She is going to die in my place.' _I wonder, watching the maroon expand in its effort to stain the entire white gauze beneath my palms.

Suddenly, I see nothing but her face, eyes narrowed in determination as she declared her loyalty to me all those months ago, and I hear Petra's voice reiterating our conversation from two weeks prior.

'_She really admires you, Corporal.'_

'_She yearns to become the kind of soldier you are.'_

Over and over those statements play in my head, and I'm taken by how true they are. I struggle to understand the chain of events that led up to this point.

The last time Avian and I really spoke, she acted like a bland stranger in effort to appease my cruel demands. For a moment, I really wonder at my actions concerning her, and for the first time realize that perhaps I am just as much at fault as she is. Both of us have lashed out at each other without giving the other the benefit of the doubt, or considered sitting down for a civilized conversation.

Instead, we both acted like immature children. We both grinded on each other's gears. We both refused to be the bigger person and take responsibility for our actions.

And even in that state of frustration and feeling like a 'slave animal' as Petra put it, Avian still saw it fit enough to risk her life for me.

At this point, the woman is going to die believing that all I wanted was a nameless, faceless lackey to do my petty bidding without regard for their feelings or life.

Suddenly, I can't stand such a thought.

'_No.'_

With a growl, I grit my teeth and burn my gaze into the woman's even though her eyes are closed.

'_NO.' _I repeat again with more force. _'You were wrong you shitty brat. How can you just do that then die?'_

With force, I memorize her bloodstained face and store it in the back of my mind.

'_I will NOT lose another soldier today! Especially not one who saw it fit to believe that I don't care. You aren't going ANYWHERE until I prove you wrong, brat! No one gets away with insulting me. NO ONE.'_

With a snap, I yank the green cloak off my shoulders, ignoring the sudden bite of cold upon my exposed body, and force the fabric onto her thigh wound.

"You will NOT die today, damn it. Not after what you did. You owe me an explanation you bitch. Now LIVE."

Determination unlike I've ever felt before fuels my efforts, and I put all my weight onto her thigh to stop the bleeding, and I can't help but marvel at her small form.

Everything is so tiny on her, from her narrow shoulders covered in a white, long sleeved shirt, to her miniature hands laying limp on the ground. I'm sure that she is cold, but I can't tell if the paleness of her skin is due to the temperature or lack of blood. Either way, I almost believe her to be dead. The only sign of life coming from her is the barely perceptible rise and fall of her chest, and it is only then that I notice the object laying on her oddly dented collarbone.

It is her necklace.

Before, I'd never gotten a chance to see it, due to it being constantly hidden underneath her shirt, but I was constantly aware of its existence. Avian always reached for it when startled or when she was deep in thought. I also noticed in our short weeks together in my office that she would brush her fingers over the bump where it would rest under her shirt, as if assuring herself that it was still there. I've always noted how often she would motion to it without realizing, and now, finally, I can see exactly what it is.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, possibly something extravagant due to Avian's obvious attachment to it, but the ornament is surprisingly simple. All that lays on the end of a thin, twine cord is a small wooden circle. Upon closer inspection, it shows evidence of wear, the wood lighter in the middle as if rubbed down over years of fingers brushing against its surface. The ornament itself doesn't have much on it, and the only design is a pattern made up of three carved spirals, all connecting at the ends in the middle of the pendant.

For some reason, I'm suddenly perplexed to know its significance.

I'm brought out of my daze by feet behind me, and I turn to see that Jax has returned with new equipment in hand.

"Sorry it took so long. Had to make sure it worked properly." He says, offering them to me.

I look at him flatly, but keep my hands upon the cloak on Avian's wound, suddenly unwilling to leave. Seeming to notice my hesitation, Jax kneels beside me and places his hands next to mine. With a glance, he nods to me.

"I'll get this." He says as I slowly remove my soiled fingers. "They need you out there."

'_He is right.'_

I'm surprised to see how loathe I am to leave, and I glance at Avian's face one more time before forcing myself to stand.

"Make sure the shitty brat doesn't die. I'm tired of losing soldiers."

Jax nods at my order as I hurriedly attach my new gear on.

"Will do."

Soon enough, I'm flying back out over the district on my own, and though the wind freezes me now that my cloak is gone, I feel oddly empowered.

I've been given a second chance, by some change of fate, and the feeling of immense gratitude stays with me and warms my blood as I fly. My thoughts remain on the image of Conner's face, and with a deep shudder, it's like I'm seeing her for the first time.

Oddly, all the frustration and anger I had toward her is gone. All that petty aggravation has dissipated in light of this turn of events. The bond that forms between the rescuer and the rescued surfaces once again.

For the first time in weeks I truly see her now, not as a nameless soldier, but as Avian Conner, who she really is. I see her as she was back at the old HQ, bursting with resolve and intellect. I see her as the budding soldier in training, enthusiastic about tackling every new task given to her. I see her as the struggling survivor, wallowing in despair under the feelings of grief and guilt that she has no idea how to handle. I see her as everything she is; intelligent in thought but naïve in practical situations, strong in determination but weak in body, confident in her titan ability yet afraid of imminent failure.

All of those things that compose of who she is, most of which I've selfishly and childishly overlooked.

For once, I'm resolute in REALLY understanding. For once, I feel the need to not only listen to the problems that plague her spirit, but to really CARE about those problems, to really try and get to the source of her unease and frustration. For once, I feel the need to get to know her, to get to know all of my team. I feel the need to prove the brat wrong, that I DO care about my subordinates. I feel the need to prove that I'm not afraid of getting close to others, and there is no one right now that I want to understand that resolution more than the woman who first brought it to my attention.

The only woman who saw straight through my mask. The only woman who called me out on all my bullshit. The only woman who earnestly tried to befriend me when the rest of my squad contented themselves with accepting the fact that I won't let them. The only woman who did the impossible, what no other soldier has ever been given the chance to do.

With emotion I cannot describe, I think of the woman who saved my life, and my fists clench.

'_You've got something to prove. Well, so do I.'_

With purpose, I propel myself forward into the winter sky, face set with cold resolve as I spy a group of titans moving closer to the Wall Maria gate after decimating an entire squad, their bodies littering the ground in pieces.

'_I did not earn the title 'Humanity's Strongest' for no reason.'_

Growling vengeance, I adjust my grip and fly forward, power racing through every artery and every vein.

"Feel my steel." I mutter darkly to the monsters, and slash them wide open.

Blood covers me like rain the remainder of the mission.

***Author's note***

WHEW. And to think that this is the _shortened_ version of this chapter…. Uggh xD I love how my chapters are slowly becoming longer and longer hurhur *shot* Anywho, lots of stuff has happened which I feel too lazy to expand on at the moment. Honestly, there was supposed to be another entire scene here at the end, but I realized that if I added it, this chappy would be long as hell, so I just said screw it. So now it'll be the beginning of the next chapter. Anyway, on to review responses!

**Imafangirlforever: **Am glad that you still see this as realistic. I am trying my best to make this both real yet fantastical enough to be exciting (cause if this was TRULY realistic, Avian would have been killed on the spot back in chapter 7 was it? xD) But yes, I was hoping someone would understand her tribulations. She isn't emo, nor is she strong/warped enough to just brush things like that off, so she jumps from happiness to depression depending on what happens, and there will always be a piece of herself that will probably never fully get over it. I know if I had done something like that, I'd be pretty jacked up about it too, but we'll hear more about it in the next chapter hopefully.

And I'm a fan of imagining Levi and Avian budding heads. It's like a midget fight without any wrestling or bets xD And yes, Avian did have some valid points, but as we've seen, and will see later, not everything she said is true, and her blowing up on him isn't justified in any way. Nor is Levi completely free from fault either, cause he HAS been kind of a jerk, soooooo… it goes both ways.

**Katialynne: **Lol, I've been waiting to write that entire fight scene for AGES, and I'm glad with how it turned out. And to tell you the truth, in all honesty Avian probably wouldn't have jumped down his throat like that in a more normal circumstance. She is honest, but not to the point of being blatantly rude, but do remember that Hanji spiked her tea so, the Avian that we saw was kinda drunk, which gave her much of her courage sadly xD

**xDollfie: **I'm glad you liked da chappies! :D And to keep this somewhat organized, I shall respond in several parts hehe.

Chappy 16:

I do have to admit that Avian IS a nice person. She is just naturally that way, though I assure you that her kindness does and will get her into trouble. Just wait until I get around to writing about her first shopping trip (Just a heads up, she has NO IDEA what a market is, and cannot grasp the concept of money, nor the concept of buying items with said money. It's pretty sad xD) I'm also glad you enjoyed the titan slaying. I enjoy writing it, so I hope this chappy wasn't a disappointment :D Also, like I said before, if you detest Avian's new squad, then good. I did my job right *wink* (that term freckled midget nearly killed me I laughed so hard).

SORRY TO BURST YOUR EGDE OF THE SEAT SITTING BUBBLE, BUT PEEPS IS GON' DIE D:. Now that that is out of the way, yes… I plan on killing many more peoples muhahahaha! One thing I love about Avian's quirks is that she is pretty freaking book smart and brilliant with things such as problem solving and assessment, but she's complete garbage at knowing simple common tasks like, ya know, cooking bread, shopping, holding normal conversations with strangers, that kind of crap xD

Chappy 17:

I have to get this out right now: pompous twat is now one of my favorite terms xD. But back to the review, like I said to imafangirlforever, the main reason Avian stood up to heichou is because 1) she was pretty freaking pissed and 2)she was drunk. If she had been sober, it WOULD NOT have happened probably. You are also right in saying that Avian is a bit unreasonable in her accusations, which she is. Most of that was spoken from frustration, but hopefully things will become a little better next chappy. Levi and Avian will have a little heart to heart :D

Another thing that I like to try to do is point out just how similar Levi and Avian are in some aspects. Though they are pretty freaking different, the cores of their beings are pretty similar, and I like to think of them as two sides of the same coin, the only differences being their background and such like that. It's also fun because I discover most of these parallels only when I'm in the middle of writing, which is like a nice little treat for me as a writer. I learn just about as much as my readers do when I write. And like I told you before in our chat (so much chatting oAo), Avian's outburst surprised the group just as much as it did Levi, but I assure you that they DID get on to her, though I might have to write it out in a side chapter sometime so you can get the full jist of it. Gunther was pretty pissed, and don't even get me started on Oluo once he heard the news from Petra xD.

Anyway, as always, leave your thoughts and comments in a review and I'll see you all next week!

-Ambi

P.S. Shout out to my wonderful reader xDollfie for introducing me to the wonderful program known as Google dox, and helping me with my writing and BETA'ing (is it technically beta reading if it's already out?) chapter 16. Now it's better than ever! And thank you for BETA reading this chapter as well! I can never thank you enough for your wonderful help! If my writing style is a bit different in this chapter, it's because I tried my best to use your advice. Hope it came out okay, and thank you again! :D


	19. Reconciliation

Chapter 19:

**Reconciliation**

Even with the combined efforts of the Recon Corps and the Garrison, coupled with our extensive military might, the diligent work of the Medical Regiment, and the unfaltering devotion of the Special Operations Aid and Relief Squad, the mission to seal the breach in Wall Maria failed.

Eren was only able to seal off half the breach before titan numbers overwhelmed our ranks and we were forced to retreat. Due to the delivery of the iron netting to the Shiganshina gate failing, there was nothing to stave off the continuous onslaught of titans entering the district, and even with our swelled numbers, the sheer might of the monstrous force was more than we could handle.

The Medical Regiment and SOAR worked overtime to save as many lives as they could, but their efforts only accounted to a fraction of the survivors. Out of the eight-hundred and fifty soldiers assigned to the mission, there were two-hundred seventy six deaths, and over four-hundred injured. It is one of the most monumental casualty rates for both the Corps and the Garrison since the fall of Wall Maria, and upon returning to Stohess, nothing but anguish awaited us.

In the eyes of the populace, the entire endeavor was a huge mistake, and every survivor, especially ranking officers, where berated by outraged family members who demanded our immediate dissolution.

Rocks where not the only things thrown in our vicinity.

Such retaliation is nothing new to me. Over the years, there have been many failed missions, many cartloads of bodies to bring home, and there have been many bodies that were never brought home at all.

It seems that unless we succeed in a mission with no casualty, villagers will never be pleased by our sacrifices, and will see it fit to make the military their scapegoat.

Such things are all part of our job now.

Over and over in my mind the angry voices of civilians play, berating and piercing. Not even the numerous cadets who somehow managed to come away with only a few missing limbs could escape the onslaught.

Tarps had to be thrown over the carts in order to protect the injured from projectiles flying their way.

Even now as I sit in my office, I can still feel the heat of hundreds of eyes upon my back, demanding answers as they always do. How could we have let this happen? How can so many have died? What was the purpose of it all?

So many injured.

So many dead.

All for a half built seal.

Was it all REALLY worth their lives and suffering? Was it all REALLY worth the pain and tragedy of losing so many devoted soldiers?

It's been two days since our return, and I'm STILL going through death reports. The stack is solemnly large, each sheet of paper a separate life, a separate person, a separate soldier whose existence has been wretchedly snuffed out. Even after all my years going through similar papers after every mission, I'm still not used to it.

I probably never WILL get used to it.

With a sigh, I gently set my quill back in its inkwell and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.

Workload for every ranking officer has not lessened, nor has the stress and disappointment of this most recent atrocity of a mission helped with relieving the heavy cloak of melancholy now resting on the shoulders of everyone in the Corps, myself included. Weight seems to pull down on my entire body, and every move I make is heavy and taxing, every one of my muscles aching in protest.

'_Damn shoulder is still killing me…' _I growl mentally, rolling my right arm in its socket and wincing at the throbbing that comes with the motion.

I want nothing more than to forget this entire endeavor happened, to just let myself be whisked away into some distant corner of my mind and never return. It is during times like these that I hate my position.

There is already enough expectation on my shoulders being a Lance Corporal, one of the many leaders looked up to within the Recon Corps. Such a position is enough by itself, but add onto that the label of 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier'…

Sometimes I curse the title given to me.

The most depressing aspect of these responsibilities is that there is no room for luxuries such as mourning. Unlike lower cadets, us officers cannot take time to grieve for our dead and dwell our anguish away with comrades, there is too much work to be done. We must force ourselves to swallow our sorrow, our pain, our fatigue and take up strength that we may not even have anymore.

Officers like me are chosen for not only our prowess, battle skill, or leadership abilities, but also because we have the capacity to set aside our personal feelings and needs for the sake of the regiment. Soldiers need someone to look up to, to draw strength and hope from, and the one's they must get such comfort from are us.

From me.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not as emotionless and cold as many have come to accept and expect. After so many years of seeing friend after friend slaughtered in front of me, after years of having to live in that hellhole of a city in the underground, after years of having to bottle my emotions just to save myself from the agony of suffering, I have all but killed most of what gives me the ability to feel. And yet, even as severely damaged and warped my emotions have become… I'm still human.

I still have days where I struggle with grief.

I still have instances where I yearn to give up.

I still have nights where I battle with the pain of every life lost.

Even after all these years, living though hell and putting up with more shit than anyone should ever have to deal with… I still _feel_.

Sitting here in my office, I'm completely alone. Not even the snapping and crackling of the fire in my fireplace gives me peace.

I will have to order someone to go around and clean the entire dorm building here soon, just as I do every week. Only this time, half of the rooms will be empty.

That cloak of melancholy still lays upon me, but there is no time for reprise, no time for remembering, no time to let this wave of darkness pass. There are hundreds of families still waiting to hear from their loved ones; mothers and fathers pacing inside their warm living rooms with baited breath to receive word from sons and daughters that will never return home.

There is no time for rest when so many are waiting. Who am I to prolong their worry?

With that solid thought in mind, I reopen my eyes and lean forward again, that large stack of death reports still waiting like a loyal dog wanting attention.

With heavy motion I take up my quill and begin working again, sifting through paper after paper, matching soldiers to families so visits may be made and belongings regretfully returned.

That is probably the thing I hate the most; having to tell parents that their child died for nothing, that it was all in vain.

Just that one thought alone churns my insides worse than any sickness.

And to think that all those who survived don't have it any better.

They are still breathing, but what worth is that when one must now deal with the agony of loss on such a large scale. It really is a sorry sight to behold when someone enters the mess hall to find almost every soldier sitting at a table by themselves, the ones that they held so close and so dear to their hearts no longer able to fill in the seats beside them.

The Recon Corps buildings are unusually quiet now that nearly half of our force's voices have been silenced forever.

And to think that I was almost one of them.

With I shutter that seems to emanate from my very core, the ball of dread that accompanied me throughout that entire mission comes back again to sit uncomfortably in my stomach, and once again I'm rendered immobile under the weight of this unfamiliar feeling.

'_I should be dead.'_

How many times have I repeated that to myself over the past couple days? And yet, each time is still a shock to my being for a reason that I don't fully understand.

It's ridiculous, really. I've known the horror and dangers of the military for years. I've seen countless men and women die before my eyes in ways so gruesome that I grit my teeth at the memories. I've realized a long time ago that, I too, am merely human, and that not even I, with all my skill and strength, can defy death forever.

Even back in the underground I was hyper aware of this fact. It was the only thing I lived by back then; it was either kill or be killed, simple as that. Hell, it was I that had to instill that very rule unto Farlan and Isabel, the girl especially. This world is merciless and cruel, and will just as eagerly snuff out your pathetic life just like any others. How many men have I killed in order that I alone could live? How many times have I been a hairsbreadth away from having the life giving blood in my veins spilled?

Every moment I continue to live, every step I take, every breath, I'm one step closer to meeting my end, one fleeting second from eternity. I have always been aware of this fact. I'm surrounded by nothing but death. It is all I have ever known, and all I will probably EVER know. So it begs the question…

Why do I feel this way?

Why is it that, since that singular instance upon the wall when I came to the realization that by all rights I should be ash, my body feels as if it is floating like air, like I've never felt my own limbs before? Why is it that my vision seems that much more vivid and clear? Why is it that my hearing seems that much more sound and keen? Why is it that my senses of smell, and taste, and touch are that much more aware as if I've been asleep this entire time and have only now just woken up to realize how substantial the world around me is?

Why is it that, for the first time in all my recollection, I feel truly and undeniably _alive_?

Of course I'm alive, how is it that I'm able to think or move or speak? But this is a different kind of alive, a kind that isn't tethered by physical means. A kind of alive that has nothing to do with blood or muscle or bone and sinew; has nothing to do with the function of my mind, or the beating of my heart, or the expansion of my lungs. It is a kind of alive that isn't something that you can touch. It is something so profound yet simple at the same time. It is the kind of alive that makes you treasure every miniscule thing you may happen to come across. It is the kind of alive that makes you thankful for a conscious full of precious memories, thankful for a soul that is full of unquenchable emotion.

It is the kind of alive that fuels my every movement in such a way that I still cannot help myself from wondering at the miracle of this thing called life. Life, something that is so simple yet impossible to understand. Life that is so easily taken for granted, yet it is the one thing that every living creature on the face of this whole damn planet fights for with every breath. Life, a concept so mysterious yet it is the most primitive essence of our being.

And it is that one essential drive that now appears to haunt my every thought and move.

Every name on every death report is replaced by my own. Every ache or stab of pain from my wrenched shoulder instantly brings to the forefront of my mind a scene filled with the flames of a funeral pyre. Every whisper that caresses my ears from soldiers speaking in the halls is warped to the point that I swear that I can hear them speaking of the death of 'Humanity's Strongest'.

It is maddening.

Yet, there is still more to it than that.

With every name on a report, with every stab of pain and scene and whisper, my own face is not the only one that I see.

Ever since that day, there has been another that has relentlessly plagued my mind, and for all my efforts, I cannot force the face away. Even two days after the fact, unless I'm deeply focused on the task before me, _her _face comes to mind, and with it, an onslaught of unfamiliar emotions.

Even thinking about it now, a tightness constricts my chest and that nearly unbearable feeling of gratitude swells up inside of me. The emotion is so foreign that I have yet to get used to it, and with every instance such feelings flare up, I'm forced to stop my work and take a moment to just breathe until it goes away.

Just what the hell is wrong with me? Why has such a insignificant event affected me this way? Have I become so emotionally lopsided and dry over the years that any new kind of sensation that surfaces causes my body to physically recoil from its peculiarity?

That couldn't possibly be it, could it? Why the hell does it even matter? Why only her? I've seen hundreds of soldiers over the years, and I've had the assistance and help of multiple veterans whilst in battle, and such a feeling has never come to me.

What is so different about this one?

Is it because she is still so new? No, that can't be it. The Recon Corps has enlisted hundreds of cadets fresh out of training over the years, but due to my rank and station, my contact with individuals has always been at a minimum. Besides, the little shits get on my damn nerves with all their naïve way of thinking and their obvious lack of knowledge concerning how to conduct themselves or clean a damn floor properly.

So if not that, is it because she is female? That can't be it either. There are many others who I've spent more time with and know much more personally than she, yet in all these years, none have come close to bothering me this way. Not even women such as Hanji or Petra, the two who I've know the longest overall.

So what gives? What makes this one irritating cadet so damn special? Is this fuss all just because she was lucky enough to pull me out of a tight spot? What sense is that? There is NOTHING unique about such an experience, period.

With a low growl I run a hand through my hair, utterly pissed at myself.

'_Just look at me, fretting over something so damn insignificant. Exhaustion and stress must be getting to me by now. Staying awake for nearly two days straight just to keep up with the MP's paperwork has got my mind all sorts of jacked up, the disgusting pigs.'_

Another growl escapes my heavy scowl.

"To hell with it."

Pushing all thoughts aside, I shut off all emotion, all thought, all feeling, and deal only with the task at hand. For the next few hours, I become a statue, a being without mind or heart, just so that I can work my way through paper after paper of death. It is depressing what one must do to protect oneself from misery and turmoil such as this.

Even with as tired as I am, I'm so involved with my work that I almost jump at the sound of a knock on my door, the soft sound reverberating like a heartbeat in my small office. I take a moment to frame my face into a look of upmost boredom before answering.

"State your name and business." I order in my usual dull tone, pausing my work for just a moment.

A small voice answers me back.

"Avian Conner, sir."

With no explanation or reason, my ears automatically leap to hone in on the voice and my eyes dash up to stare at the still closed door though I never gave them the order too. Before I even realize what I'm doing, all my attention is now concentrated on the figure behind the door.

'_What the hell!?' _I berate myself angrily, mentally kicking myself in the ass. _'What am I, a damned attention seeking child?'_

The voice begins again, saying "I…".

Just to chastise myself for my seemingly instinctual reaction, I interrupt the voice before it can continue.

"Enter." I order through the door harshly, and at the tone, the voice goes quiet.

I have just enough time to wonder at the fact that the woman is at my office doorstep. Last I remembered, she was still confined to the infirmary, but even as I think that, my door opens and a petite body makes its way clumsily inside.

Due to the amount of work I have to get done, I have not seen the woman since that time on top of Wall Maria, but even though I have not glimpsed so much as a shadow of her the past two days, I already know that she shouldn't be here.

Closing the door quietly behind her, the woman makes her way a few steps forward before stopping, and I immediately scowl at her appearance.

Thanks to the cold weather, Avian is bundled up in multiple layers of jackets and trousers as usual, looking more like a homeless street rat than a soldier. Her deep ginger hair is no better, and even though it looks clean, it hangs in a slightly untidy manner about her shoulders and neck. In all honesty, the cadet looks just as I would have expected, but even then, two aspects of her form strike me the most.

Due to their locations, both of her injured limbs are bare of protective clothing aside from what looks to be a thick wool sweatshirt; the top of her left thigh wrapped in a thick layer of gauze and bandages while her entire left arm is encased in a full brace, complete with straps wrapping around her chest and around her back in effort to stabilize her shoulder. Just behind her many layers of clothing, I can just see the edge of a vivid purple and brown bruise coloring her collarbone.

She looks, in no way, anywhere near well enough to be walking about, especially with that bum leg of hers. I realize that it is in the nature of some people to put on a tough face and fight through their injuries, but for some small ass woman who has the body size of a child to be walking around and climbing flights of stairs with a gash in her leg only TWO DAYS after having received those severe wounds is completely out of their mind.

Nothing pisses me off like a cadet who deliberately disobeys orders, and this mule of a woman is evidently doing just that by bringing herself all the way out here instead of heeding the instructions the medical squad must have given her. Because of such blatant defiance, my next statement comes out before I even know what I'm saying.

"What the hell are you doing up here!?" I spit to her heatedly.

Much to my surprise, though I guess I should be used to this kind of response by now, the ginger does not reply right away, and keeps her eyes obediently downward.

"I am here to bestow you my medical documents, sir." She answers simply in that same professional tone that I'm accustomed to hearing over the past two weeks. "I was informed that you require them for your reports."

"I do." I respond flatly, flashing my narrowed eyes down to the flyer of papers in her hands before returning them to her shrouded face. "But that doesn't answer my question as to why YOU are up here. And don't even try to tell me that you are well enough to leave the infirmary, because you look like shit. Those medics could have just as easily gotten one of the new recruits to send those to me."

"They tried, but they are overwhelmed with the number of injured, sir."

The woman's tone is so flat and matter-of-fact that I pause for a brief moment.

"As far as my condition," she continues, unmoving from her position just ahead of my closed door. "you are correct in your accusation that I, in fact, am not officially released from their care. Having spent the past forty-eight hours under their watch, I have come to the realization that there are too many patients and not enough doctors to treat them. I am unaware if you have chanced inside the infirmary as of late, but it is overcrowded."

Now this is something I had not taken into consideration, and for now, I put aside my irritation and listen to her explanation.

"There are not enough rooms for all who really need them, so many of the patients who do not suffer life threatening injuries, myself included, opted to forgo our treatment in favor of offering our places to those most in need. As a result, we have taken healing upon ourselves, and are declared 'unofficially homebound' by the medical staff as to avoid any unnecessary hassle." The woman concludes, then fingers the papers in her grasp. "I assume that information will suffice in explaining as to why I am here."

At that, Avian shifts and makes her way awkwardly to my desk. I do not move or offer another word as she heavily limps forward, and though I am still very much irritated for her obvious disregard for her health, a very small part of me cannot help but be impressed by her will.

Her face is mostly hidden but under her swayed bangs I see a great grimace contort her expression. Added to that, even though every one of her gingerly placed steps is accentuated by a subdued hiss of pain, she does not give in. Instead, she keeps silent, gritting her teeth in effort, and makes an obvious effort to hide her struggle as she hobbles her way to me.

My eyes watch her ordeal carefully.

When she is finally in arms reach and with a soft motion, she levels the file in front of me.

"These forms have all the information pertaining to my treatment up to that point. The rest of my care shall be conducted by myself alone, and there is no need for further documentation."

Still with half a mind occupied by the thought of her injured state, I take the files from Avian and quickly flip through them until I find the section I am looking for. Scanning the small note, a deep scowl carves itself across my face.

'_Notable injuries: Segmented fracture of left scapula (non surgical), Split laceration of left shoulder (non surgical), Split laceration of top left thigh (non surgical), broken left collarbone (non surgical)._

_Treatment undertaken: Fully secured shoulder brace, Heavy stitching of left shoulder laceration, Heavy stitching of top left thigh laceration, minor brace/padding for collarbone._

_Further care: Patient must wear his/__**her **__accommodating brace for a full __four__ weeks or until otherwise prescribed by your doctor. Patient must change his/__**her**__ gauze dressings every __12__ hours for a full __three__ weeks or until otherwise prescribed by your doctor. Patient must avoid having contact with bandaged areas as much as possible, and must avoid soaking bandaged areas in water. Patient must abstain from excessive exercise and movement, prolonged standing, and the lifting of any objects over five pounds._

_Expected healing time: __4-8 weeks__'_

With each word I read, my frown only deepens.

"Four to eight weeks." I repeat with great distain, placing the papers on my desk. "That's some deep shit you've gotten yourself into."

The woman doesn't respond aside from a slight, affirming grunt, and I cast her a hard look.

"Is this it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well…."

I take a moment to consider her condition, and though she is no longer an 'official' member of my squad, she is still technically under my command, and I'm miffed over the large recovery window we are now forced to slug through.

"Since you're obviously not going to be capable of accomplishing even the simplest of labor due to your piss-poor state, and because I still have tons of this shit to do, you will assist me with paperwork until further notice."

Without waiting for her to respond, I take a large stack of papers and toss them to the furthest corner of my desk with a thick thud.

"Sort through these reports and match up each soldier with his or her personal information files." I order flatly, taking up my quill and returning my eyes down to my work. "You know the drill."

As expected, the woman doesn't respond in words, instead, she gives me the slightest of nods before taking a minute or two to draw an extra chair around to the front of my desk so she can work. Much to my irritation, though I keep my eyes focused on the forms below my quill, my attention automatically deviates whenever the woman lets out a hiss or grunt of pain.

'_Damn ridiculous.' _I chide, but stay resolutely silent.

Once situated, Avian takes her seat and once she too begins working, a heavy pause hangs in the air.

I do my best to keep my mind on task, but only after a few minutes of reading and signing, my thoughts wander to the person only a meter away from me. This is the first time since the morning after our heated exchange that the woman has been in my office, and for some reason I cannot pinpoint, I have mixed feelings about this most recent development.

Before, I was unfazed by her dramatic lapse of contact with me. In fact, I was glad the brat left me alone. I can still feel some of that lingering anger when I think back to those stiff, restricted weeks, and a large part of me is justified in being so pissed off. After her VERY public disrespect of me, I felt no remorse over all her possible misfortune back then, the shitty brat deserved it after all.

But much to my confusion, almost all of that rage from before has dissipated, instead replaced by something else I cannot describe. It is not a positive emotion such as joy or relief, not by a hell of a long shot. Digging deeper, I discern it to be a feeling more along the lines of acceptance.

It's as if somewhere in my subconscious, I made the decision to let bygones be bygones, and instead of continuing to harbor ill will towards the recruit, my opinion of her now is relatively blank, like a clean slate.

Mulling the odd emotion over, I come to the conclusion that I am neither pleased nor unhappy, which is a very strange spot to find myself in. I'm uncertain just how I want to regard the female now. It's as if she is a stranger to me again, but even as a stranger, two things are very clear to me.

The first of these is, now that my anger has mysteriously settled, the smallest twinge of regret curls in my throat. Once again, that image of Conner from all those weeks ago pops into my head, and for a moment, I take time to really study it and realize just how pitiable she had been. I do not know why, perhaps it was due to an unrestrained fit of anger, but I regret working that woman so hard in her miserable state. I'm aware that I'm more callous than most, even to the point of seeming outright ruthless, but never have I taken the health of a subordinate so lightly and without consideration.

I mentally sneer at just how I let a simple argument reduce me to acting so childishly.

'_How despicable.'_

The second aspect that is now brought to my attention is our fight itself.

Never before has anyone had the guts to call me out on all my bullshit. Such a thing just wasn't done, it wasn't even thought of, and for good reason. I brought down my wrath as hard as I could, and as often as I could, all in effort to teach that blabber mouthed brat a lesson. So caught up was I in reinstating my prestige over such an inferior cadet, that I never took the time to consider that, as roughly as she put it, most of what the woman said was, in fact true.

Just the notion that someone noticed and felt the need to bring such failings to my attention now has me questioning myself in a way I've never done before. For the first time, I really take into consideration what image I am making for myself, and I scowl at the conclusion.

I have no problem with having unfamiliar soldiers believe me to be a heartless bastard with no concern for their welfare, because, even though I DO care, they are never around me enough to warrant any other treatment. Added to that, I have never had a problem with playing the role of the bad guy on missions if it meant keeping the Recon Corps as a whole alive. Thus, their feelings toward me are unimportant.

But my squad is a whole other matter. They have been by my side for years, and for a good portion of them, I had believed that they had an understanding about me that no other people did. I believed that they knew me better than any other in the entire damn legion, but ever since my quick interrogation of Petra concerning her thoughts of me, I'm not entirely sure now. It truly was a shock to see that not even one of my senior squad members felt like they could be honest with me, and with Petra's sidestep my confidence in their view of me has crumbled.

For once, I truly wonder if they honestly believe that I DO care for them, or do they feel like I'm just the same to them as everyone else, heartless, cold, distant, and uncompassionate. Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld… these four are the closest I've had to friends since Isabel and Farlan, and though I will never admit it, to know that there is still a level of distance between us after all these years… it hurts.

And none of this could have been brought to my attention if it hadn't been for Avian's honesty. It was she who was the first to openly question my motives and relationships. It was she who brought to light a fear that only I knew about, that fear of losing someone as soon as you become too close.

Such a fear has all but halted any sort of relationship development between myself and anyone, and for the first time, for a reason I do not understand, I want that to change.

I want to prove that useless, shitty brat wrong.

I'm so caught up in my own inner deliberation that I didn't even notice that the woman of which I am thinking about has stopped writing. Irritation immediately flaring into my eyes, I cast a sidelong glance at the woman who has all but frozen in her seat. For a moment, I believe her to be deep in thought, but as I look closer, I notice that her face is no longer hidden behind her bangs, and her blue eyes are glued to a single sheet of paper beneath her hands.

Her expression is that of utter shock, and without a moment to even wonder what it is that has her so stunned, I know what she has come across.

Casting a glance down just to assure that my guess is right, a lone name lays in bold black ink on the top of the paper Avian's eyes are set on.

Roda Lode.

This name does not come as a shock to me, for I knew of her death the day of our mission. It is unknown exactly how she died, aside from the evidence that it was a very harsh one indeed. Unfortunately, it was Gauche who happened upon her body, or what was left of it. I never saw the scene for myself, but from the reports I've heard, there where nothing but pieces of ripped flesh and limb, the woman having been torn to death by titan hands.

There was no blood in any of the pieces, for it had all spilled and painted the entire alleyway crimson.

For all I knew, the senior soldier must have died in between her leaving Avian while the shifter was still trapped in her titan, and us arriving safely at the wall. For all I knew, she died in order to provide us a clean escape.

With an impassive blink, I return my gaze to the woman before me as she continues to stare at the paper with unreadable eyes. Then, like a rough disturbance of water, her eyes begin to glimmer in the light pouring from the window above us, tears swimming in large waves, yet still resisting to fall.

Watching her, I am certain that the woman is about to breakdown, as is her nature. But the longer I watch from the corner of my eye, no tears fall. Instead, Avian surprises me by casting the swiftest of glances in my direction. Our eyes never make direct contact, but she only keeps her gaze on me for a fraction of a second before returning them to the paper in her hands.

Then, with eyes trained down, her jaw sets and a look of suppressed anguish contorts her face. She raises her head as her breaths become deeper with the effort of controlling her emotions, then, with a final swift glance toward me, she swallows and clenches her fists around the edge of the report in an act of defiance.

To my inward shock, Avian visibly seals herself off and, though her entire body shakes with the effort of holding all that emotion in, not a single tear falls, and she tosses the paper away roughly.

'_Is she…. Forcing herself to not care…?' _

Though I do not look at her and keep my expression strictly blank, I cannot help but wonder at the woman's brazened act. It's such a dramatic turn from how I've come to understand her that it's unreal. This is a woman who has made it perfectly clear in the past that she is a creature driven by instinct, controlled by emotion, someone who is still naïve and hopeful and still has enough humanity to quake under the stress of losing comrades.

This is the woman whose sole job is to save lives, the things of which she values so highly. This is the woman who has never missed attending a funeral pyre, the woman who has grieved under the stress of every death. This is the woman who just saved my life, and now, all of a sudden, she's pushing those emotions aside like some kind of cold-hearted , wretched being.

What happened? What spurred this sudden change? What is so different now?

With sudden insight, Petra's words flash into my mind. _'Believe it or not, she really admires you, Corporal. All she could talk about was how much she wanted to be seen as useful, and how much she wanted to prove that she was worthy of your help. Avian REALLY tries her best at everything she does because she wants to impress you, to make you proud. She told me that she yearns to become the kind of soldier you are: fast and strong, unafraid, skilled, respected, trusted.'_

'_Could that really be true?' _I ponder, but the more I think on it, the more I believe it.

Why else would this instance be any different? It's the first time we've been together in weeks since our fight. It's the first time in weeks she's had to help me go through all these damn papers.

Could it really be that she is trying to make herself into the soldier she believes I want her to be? Hell, she even looked at me as if she was highly aware of my presence. Does she feel like she shouldn't mourn because I'm here?

'_Is she sucking it up and pretending she doesn't care because she's afraid I'll get onto her like I did that night?'_

The thought is so odd and infuriating it curls my face into a scowl. The world is harsh, yes, and I make it quite clear to every soldier around me that death is just a part of things, that one should get used to it. But for anyone to _forcibly _make themselves not feel and kill that humanity in them, all because they are afraid to let it show in the presence of a superior…. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

But the longer and harder I watch the woman, the more certain I am that that is exactly what she is doing. Even now with the paper gone she continues to work with that suppressed anguish contorting her features, and her mouth is pressed into a hard scowl eerily similar to my own.

It's as if Avian is trying to imitate my impassiveness, which is possibly the most depressing thing of it all.

For those in the Recon Corps, there are only two paths soldiers can take in their career: they either die, or live long enough to have every bit of humanity stripped from them. As I watch, I suddenly try to envision the woman on both of these paths.

One scene has her broken body wrapped in green cloth and flames, ashes floating into the sky. The other has her standing rigid as a stone with an expression so lifeless and dead that she appears more like a corpse than a soldier. She'll either become just another statistic, or she'll become a veteran just like me, cold, distant, and cruel.

I don't know with path I loathe more.

The last thing I want is for any soldier to become as I am and lose all the faith, humanity, and hope they have left. To reach such a state is truly a terrible thing. I'm obviously past the point of recovery, but her…. She still has so much life left to live, so much hope to hold on to, that forcing such precious things away is almost blasphemous.

'_Tch. What a troublesome thing…'_

With a mental sigh, I stop my writing.

"You know…" I begin flatly without looking at her,"…there comes a point to where you get so used to seeing friends die, that tears just stop coming."

My voice is low and grave, and when I feel the heat of eyes upon my cheek, I turn to see Avian's gaze focused right on me, and for the first time in weeks, our eyes meet.

The woman looks absolutely dreadful.

Stress has not been kind to her. Where her gaze used to be bright and alert, always eagerly waiting for our next move, these eyes are dull and tired. It is obvious that these past weeks have taken a toll, as well as her rough recovery from injury, and her sleepless nights advertise themselves in the form of purple shadows under her eyes

But it's those exhausted eyes that now gape openly at my statement, and I hold them with a flat stare.

I've never been good with words, especially when it concerns comforting others, but from the way her eyes stare into mine, she appears to understand what it is that I'm trying to say. With that strange penetrating gaze of hers that feels as if she can see past what lays on the outside, she watches me, looking as if she can hardly believe her ears, then with extreme slowness, she turns her gaze to her lap.

For a second, I just sit there in silence, wondering if she really did understand me, or was just playing it off. My doubts are instantly put aside, however, the moment I hear the whisper of a gasp come from her lips, and suddenly, her body begins to shake.

In all honesty, I've never seen anyone weep the way she does. I was expecting a great heave of pain filled cries and shuttering breaths to wrack her form, but instead, I'm greeted by silence. Though she now sits in her chair, her entire torso hunched over her legs in the anguish of her sorrow, and sobs choke themselves out of her small body so hard that her shoulders and legs tremble, she doesn't make a sound.

It is eerie, watching someone mourn in such torment that they don't even have the strength to cry out. Somehow… the silence is worse than any scream of pain.

But that is how she stays, curled into a ball of emotion, silently wracked by sobs every few seconds, and with no other words of comfort I can offer, that is how I let her stay.

She spends a good deal of time pouring out her sorrows as I continue to work, keeping my mind on the task at hand even though there is a truly pathetic woman heaving in pain not but a meter away from me. It isn't that I do not feel for her, there is always the tiniest shadow of empathy that covers me at times like these, but there just isn't anything I or anyone else can do.

Soon enough however, the woman's shoulders slowly ease and her trembling stops, emotions fully spent. I watch from the corner of my eye as she finally leans back and stares at the ground beneath her feet, pausing there once again for a few minutes, reeling from the loss until, that too, passes.

Small hands shaky from effort, Avian takes up her own quill again and silently turns her attention back to her work, movements sluggish.

Neither of us speak for a long time, a sort of uneasy space spanning across the desk from her to me, and even more time passes in that way. So resolute is the quiet that I fully expect for it to go unbroken the rest of the day, for I am unwilling to break it, but to my surprise once again, it isn't I who speaks.

"Corporal…."

Her tiny voice is so unexpected, and my body does that annoying thing again to where all my attention immediately centers on her, that I stop writing mid-word to look at her. It's the first time in over two weeks that she has initiated conversation with me, and I ponder over what is so important that she is willing to break her own vigil.

"What?" I snap a little harsher than I intended.

I keep my face stoic, but the woman doesn't look up when she continues.

"… I owe you an unfathomable apology."

I cannot help but blink in mild surprise and watch her as she keeps her eyes focused on the death reports under her fingers.

"I am aware that such an admission of guilt is belated, but I feel the need to do so now before even more time passes." Avian elaborates softly. "It is no one's fault aside from my own that such an apology is this overdue to begin with. I am aware of how childish I have acted these previous two weeks, and for that, among many other things, I apologize."

Her face is set in a deep frown but she doesn't look angry, it's more of a look of self disappointment than anything.

"Since the beginning of the new year, I have festered with immense regret for how I treated you that night. Such a brash action was, to say the least, highly out of line, and the things I said were not kind. I am fully aware that what I did was a display of ultimate disrespect, and there is nothing that I can say, or that I could ever say, that can atone for such insolence. And to have subsequently avoided you as I have is in itself a great disobedience, the likes of such I will not endeavor to make an excuse for."

I can only listen in muted awe at her drawn out confession.

"I see now that I am not a being that can bear the burden of stress in a healthy manner. I let toils affect my demeanor and ruffle my conscience instead of doing what is expected and keep those volatile emotions tucked neatly away. Instead, I refused to behave in a mature manner, and thus deposited all my heartbreak and frustration unto you. My father always said that 'Where the tongue slips, it speaks truth.', which it does. But he also told me that 'He who keeps his tongue keeps his friends.', which I now know to be true as well. It was unfair of me to have let my tongue slip on you. Such an act is inexcusable, and because of that, I wish for you to know that I fully accept whatever punishment you many have for me."

I consider the woman with upmost intrigue as she finishes, and for once, I'm unsure what to do next. It's true that she should be punished for acting like a damn child with no home training, but on the other hand…

I take a moment to really look at her, noting how exhausted and beaten down she appears. I also take a moment to recall her pathetic state from that morning two weeks ago when she was obviously ill. I had her worked to the bone that day even though it was very clear she was in no condition to be doing anything. I openly admit that I was an asshole for pushing all those chores on her.

So instead of a punishment, I ponder over her apology itself. There is a lot of things she apparently feels awful for, and by all rights she should with her behavior, but if I'm honest with myself, most of what she said that night so long ago was right.

An idea pops into my head then, and I frown over it, wondering if such a thing is appropriate. But hell, I pretty much did the same thing with Petra, and a part of me is curious if anything has changed.

So without answering her in regards to her punishment, I instead ask Avian a question of my own.

"Do you still believe all that you said about me?"

At my flat voice, her eyes dart to mine with mild confusion.

"I… I'm sorry?" she mutters, apparently missing what I'm asking.

With a low growl of irritation, I narrow my eyes and ask again.

"Do you still believe all that you said about me?" I repeat, watching her carefully. "You said I was nothing more than a cold, unfeeling man. Do you still believe that?"

Tense silence follows my words, and with each passing second, my interest in her answer only grows. I'm curious to see if she'll be honest again, or if she'll fall back to where the rest of my squad are, and only say what she thinks I want to hear.

I can almost see the mental battle playing behind her eyes as she considers my question, debating between truth or lies, but after a moment, a certainty enters them, and she answers with a voice that is hushed but steady.

"I do." She says unwaveringly, casting her eyes away under the weight of my own upon her body. "I apologize, but I can only speak truth. In the eyes of subordinates, you do appear as if you lack both heart and compassion. You are overly strict in your mannerisms and ruthless when it comes to the chores you assign to us. You are a perfectionist with high expectations and low patience, and you wield a tongue that can slice a block of iron."

With each word, my jaw sets tighter, both intrigued and pissed off by her honesty, then, just when I believe her to be finished, she starts again.

"But," she continues in a lighter tone that catches my interest. "That is not all."

I keep my sharp gaze on her as she shifts in her seat, taking to adjusting a strap on her brace before continuing.

"I admit that, while those previous statements are spoken with truth, it was folly of my own accord to omit the assets of your personality."

If I was surprised before, I'm truly in awe now, and I have to mentally check myself so that my face registers no emotion when she returns her eyes to me.

"Even with those flaws in character, you have many positive traits as well. You are strong, both in physical might and in spirit, and you wield an unquenchable will. You are a man of no fear who has everything together. Confidence and your ability to lead are two of your strongest attributes, and because of these two things, you yield unconditional loyally and trust from your comrades. Having spent more time here, I have come to realize that you are a symbol of hope for the people, and that even though I could not see it at first, it was foolish and thoughtless of me to assume that you do not care for your subordinates, because now I know that you do."

At this, her voice unexpectedly hitches and her face twists.

"I know such an aspect as well as anyone now… and how regretful I am to have assumed such a dreadful thing. If you were truly heartless as I had believed before, then this conversation would not be happening…"

Her gaze hardens on mine, and a level of respect plays on her features.

"If you were truly heartless, then you would not have the trust of your peers, yet you do. If you were truly heartless, then you would have not have fought so hard to protect your fellow soldiers, yet you try. If you were truly heartless, then you would have let me die, yet you didn't."

A whole mix of emotions play in her eyes now, and once again they begin to swim.

"I cannot even begin to comprehend why you did such a thing after all the difficulty I have caused you. When you ordered for Roda to leave me, I was certain that I was left to die, and a part of me accepted such a fate. It is what I deserved after all that I have done. Yet you swooped down and rescued me, took me to the wall, even volunteered to quell my bleeding when medics where occupied elsewhere… I am still enamored by such consideration…."

Avian lets out a single, tiny, unbelieving laugh then.

"What of fate, how am I ever to repay you?" she mutters, and I raise a brow at her statement to which she answers. "You have saved my life twice now. Are you aware? Now I find myself doubly indebted to you."

'_Doubly indebted? How? Does she still consider what I did at her retrial as saving her life?'_

All matters considered, it is really _I_ who am indebted to _her. _It wasn't her life that was saved during that mission, it was mine. Before I can ponder the matter further, Avian continues.

"I still can't believe it in all honesty…" she mumbles, looking down. "I am such a wretched being, why would anyone bother with saving my life, twice even?"

"Wretched?" I ask before I realize what I'm saying. "Why the hell do you say that?"

"I am a murderer."

With that simple statement, she lets out another single, tiny laugh, only this time it is not one of disbelief, but of mockery.

"I will never forgive myself, nor will I ever forget the fact of the unfathomable sin I have committed. To take another's has to be the most unforgivable act any person may partake. It is not within our power or right to strip something of such hallowed value from another human being."

With each word, Avian's voice becomes more pained, and her fist slowly clenches into a ball.

"In all of the history that I have read, it was only men of great twisted and corrupted moral that took the gift of life for granted. It is they, dictators and terrorists, emperors and kings, who have ruthlessly slaughtered and killed only to fulfill their own gain. Such loathsome beasts are they! And I am counted among them!"

Her last sentence is spit with so much self condemnation that her body shakes under its weight.

'_A murderer, eh?' _I regard her silently, an odd feeling of empathy overcoming me. _'That is a title we can both share.'_

At that thought, I wonder over the fact of how many people I have killed in my time in the underground. It is well above the number Avian has killed, for sure. Hell, for a time, it was how I made a living. And it isn't only me who has killed, either. That brat Eren, with Mikasa's help, brutally murdered three people when he was only nine, and something tells me that this woman doesn't even know that the kid has done exactly what she hates so much.

'_I wonder…'_

Still caught up in her world of emotion, I make a noise to gain her attention, and only when she raises her eyes to mine do I speak.

"You aren't the only one who has killed." I state blandly, and her eyes grow so wide I'm certain that the thought of other people having committed the same crime never even crossed her mind. "In fact, there are two people who you have spent a large amount of time around who have killed. Do you know who they are?"

Avian merely blinks in utter shock and confusion at my question, and she doesn't answer for a long time. In fact, she doesn't answer at all. The most she can do is wear that look of bewilderment upon her face and stare at me dumbfounded.

"You view yourself as a monster, right?" I venture when it is apparent that I will get no answer from her. "By that logic, everyone else who has killed is a monster too. And since I'm sure your puny, pea-sized brain is only capable of envisioning these murderers to look like crooks or ugly beasts, it should be easy to spot people who've killed before. But yet, you can't figure out who I'm talking about, can you?"

Avian watches me in awe, and hesitantly shakes her head.

I narrow my eyes at her.

"Well then, if those other people are obviously not hideous or jacked up to the point of being homicidal maniacs and easily recognizable as murderers, what is so different about you?"

My impassive, bored face does not falter even when the woman's eyes grow unimaginably wide in revelation.

"Don't get so full of yourself. You're not special." I rumble curtly. "If it's one thing you need to understand, it's that everyone here has done something they've regretted. Everyone has screwed up and kicked themselves in the ass. We are all terrible, sinful bastards trapped in a terrible, sinful world. That's just the way it is. Nothing can be fixed or forgiven by wallowing in self pity and wishing things can be different. If you want to make up for what you've done, then get off your ass and make sure you don't do the damn thing again. Make sure that every choice you make is one that you won't regret, and if you do regret something, let it go. All it'll do is eat you alive until you have nothing left. Murderer or not, you're a soldier, so start acting like one. Besides…"

I scoff at her astounded expression and scowl heavily.

"I don't know what the hell bothers you so much about those men you killed. That was ages ago and it was in self defense. You can start feeling like psychotic ass the moment you start enjoying the killing. Until then, get over yourself."

Avian keeps her eyes on me, and it's fascinating to watch her expression transform from one of anguish and self-loathing to one of understanding. The pain is still there, but it's obvious that the woman takes my words seriously, and her demeanor has changed accordingly.

After a pregnant pause, she speaks.

"You truly mean what you said, didn't you?"

"No, I just felt like blowing smoke out of my ass." I respond sharply, but even at my harsh reply, a small smile tugs on her lips.

With her well arm, she reaches up and wipes her eyes free of pesky unshed tears, and when her arm comes to rest again, that familiar look of calm is now upon her features.

"Your words are roundabout and vague," she begins, raising her eyes to mine. "but they are well spoken, and I am thankful for them."

I consider the woman just as calmly, unmoving, then scoff and turn away.

"Tch. What sort of praise is that?"

"Honest praise."

'_Honest, of course. Everything this brat does is out of damn honestly.'_

My thoughts are harsh, and my scowl even more so, but deep inside, I wonder over her truthfulness. It's as much a part of her character and personality as her odd way of speaking, or those annoying freckles that dot her round, overeager face. How did such a trait come about? Never before have I met someone so willing to delve out truth, even if it is something no one wants to hear.

I do my best to kill the burning curiosity tickling my throat, but after a few seconds, it proves futile and I mentally chide myself for giving in. Sneering, I slide my eyes back to the woman.

"Oi, brat. Let me ask you something." I start, gaining her attention easily.

"Yes?"

"Why the hell are you so honest all the damn time. It's freaking annoying…"

Avian considers me for a moment before uttering a reply.

"I'm honest because there is nothing to be gained from lying." She states simply.

"Oh really?" I comment back, raising a brow. "How noble. Were you always this antagonizing dignified, or did you learn it from someone?"

"Believe me or nay, but I wasn't always this way." She answers. "In fact, I believe it when my mother told me that I was born a compulsive liar."

Now _this _is news. Avian a compulsive liar? That is about as outlandish as Eren not being suicidal, raging idiot, or Hanji being born a normal, calm, non-titan obsessed brat. It just doesn't fit.

"I don't believe you." I retort, frowning, to which the woman immediately shakes her head.

"'Tis true, and there is reason behind it all. It began when I was still a very young lass, but I remember very clearly what drove me to start; it was because of my brothers. Or should I say, it was because of the jealousy I had for my brothers."

At this, Avian leans back and her eyes are suddenly lost in memory.

"I was such a selfish and desirous child, then. As you well know, the age gap between my brothers and I was vast; Romulus was ten years my senior, and Tolkien seven. Due to such a gap, there was not much room for similarities between us, for they where concerned with what adults are normally concerned with, while I was content with childish endeavors. But even though there was little between us to bond over, I yearned for their attention and affection as a thirsting creature yearns for water."

"Since I was small, I have always looked up to my brothers, for they where everything that I wished to be, and everything that I grew to respect. They were so strong and capable, they where unafraid, intelligent, cunning, hardworking, and so, so much older than I. From my first memories, I remember being drawn to them through a bond that was just as strong as the one I had for my parents."

"Because of this bond, I wished nothing more than to be close to them, for them to give me love, affection, praise. I wanted to make them proud of me. Even as young as I was, I recognized my desire to please and do good in their eyes. So desperate was I to be seen by them, so desperate was I to make them proud, that I bore in myself the capacity to do whatever it took to make myself appear as they wished me to be, even if it meant stating things that were not true to gain their attention."

"And so, that is how it began; from the innocent, childish yearning for love. It started out small, as all things do. I would falsify insignificant things to make myself appear more capable than I actually was in hopes that Rom and Tol would notice and praise me. I would lie about the number of carrots I harvested from our garden, I would lie about things I learned from reading one of my father's many history texts, I would lie about all the chores I did and how quickly I did them, all in effort to impress them."

"As I grew older, and the more frequently I lied, the grander and more complex those false statements became. They ranged from forging the number of fish I had caught for dinner, up to outright making up entire scenarios of dangerous accidents I 'rescued' myself from. So outlandish where some of the lies I told that even I couldn't keep up with them, and needless to say, no one believed me."

"After one such instance, where I lied about having been strong enough to fend off a raging buck from skewering me through with his antlers, my entire family got fed up with my deceit."

Avian pauses for a moment as if to remember the moment before starting again.

"My mother and father berated me to no end, and though I do not remember what they said, my heart remembers what they meant, and I remember crying earnestly from their reprimand. My brothers were no better, for they too, chastised me for my deplorable habit. So disgusted where they that neither Rom nor Tol spoke to me for a full week thereafter."

"I was utterly heartbroken, and it was only then, after I received the reproof that I've been earning for myself after many years, did I realize that all those lies I spoke meant nothing. They did not earn me the attention and affection that I craved, nor did they make me grander than what I was. All they had done was to make me look like a fool in front of the only people I knew and cared about. All of my deception had gotten me nothing. In fact, it earned me the complete opposite of what I wanted."

"So distraught was I at my rebuke, that I made an oath to change my ways. I did not want my family to disregard me. I did not want them to view me as someone who cannot be trusted. It killed me, hurt me in the deepest regions of my heart. So, from that night onward, I made an effort to account for all my previous mistakes."

"From then on, I was determined to earn my family's trust back. Once again, I began small. It was very difficult at first, because I had been weaving a web of lies for so many years, that to speak the truth was foreign to me. But I was determined to make it happen, and even though it was difficult, I saw immediate results. My parents were both very aware of my labors, so they made great effort to reward me whenever I spoke truth so that I may develop a new habit, and it worked."

"I spoke truth for everything, even admitting my wrongdoings, which where the most difficult of all. But the more I confessed, the more my family trusted me, and the more they praised me. When speaking truth, I received the attention and love that I had been longing for so long. I received the praise from my brothers that I had been striving to earn, and it was gratifying. More so than I could have ever imagined."

Avian stops again to lets out a small chuckle to herself.

"I guess you can say that a new habit was born in me, and such a habit has stayed, even after all these years."

With a final small smile to herself, she slides her eyes to me.

"Does that answer your question?"

I level my gaze with hers calmly for a moment before answering.

"Yes, it does."

'_In fact, it did more than answer my question.'_

I cannot help but stare at the woman before me, and a new feeling comes about, a mix between awe, understanding, and most of all, respect. Somehow, I've learned more about his woman in the past few minutes than I've ever learned the entirety of her being here. Avian has been with us since August of last year, but only now do I realize that, in all that time, I didn't really know her at all.

I thought I did, but that was because I was only looking at her on surface level. I only saw what was outwardly presented to me instead of trying to understand what lays beneath. Only now do I recognize that there is much more to this person than meets the eye. There is much more behind this individual's personality aside from eagerness, honesty, kindness, and intelligence. Only now do I begin ponder over the reasons behind such attributes. Why is she so eager? Why so kind? Why is she so intelligent?

Suddenly, I wish to know all those reasons, and more.

Perhaps it is due to the strange feeling that has appeared ever since she saved my life, but this Avian is vastly different from the Avian I remember being utterly annoyed with. This Avian is vastly different from the boring person I believed her to be.

I regard her with an easy gaze, neither interested nor bored, neither happy nor sad, but blank. It's as if our relationship up to this point has been wiped off the face of the planet, only to begin anew.

'_You were wrong about some aspects of me, shitty brat.' _I think in my head, _'But it seems that I was wrong about some aspects of you as well.'_

I sneer at the utter ridiculousness of it all.

"Tch, how troublesome."

Avian blinks at me, confused.

"I'm sorry?"

With a scoff, I rip my eyes away from her and briskly grab my quill again.

"You wasted too much time talking, damn brat. Hurry up and get back to work before I come up with a punishment for your lazy ass. I got shit to do."

Once again, my voice is callous and sharp, but once again, Avian merely makes a small smile.

"Yes, sir." She replies swiftly, grabbing her own quill to begin trudging her way through her stack.

As she beings, I look at the woman who saved my life from the corner of my eye one more time. It's just for a brief moment, but it's longer than I intend, and after that tense second, I too, return my gaze to the papers below my fingers and begin working.

Nothing but the sound of the crackling of the fire in the fireplace breaks the new silence that falls between us, but this time, somehow, it feels more comfortable.

***Author's note***

Okay, so what of my luck that, here I was thinking that this little convo between them was gonna be a quick thing, yet it turned out to be long enough to become its OWN FREAKING CHAPTER. I swear I'm so bad at estimating chapter lengths, uggh… Just so you know, this entire conversation was supposed to be a little scene that was supposed to happen in the previous chapter, but as you can very well tell, it didn't work out that way. It's nice to see them finally come to an understanding. Hopefully things between them will go better this time around lol. Anywho, on to review responses, yay!

**AliLaShae: **I'm glad you enjoyed the whole Avian saving Levi's life deal. I had loads of fun dreaming it up, and I'm a fan of the whole 'reverse damsel in distress' deal as well. There is nothing wrong with guys saving girls as I love to read it, but something dramatic needed to happen in order for a clean slate to be made between the two, and Avian saving his life was just the ticket! As far as developing feelings go, I can tell you things will get better from here concerning them, and hopefully, we will learn more about Avian's personality as Levi does. We shall see!

**Imafangirlforever: **Lol, I think we all are scared shitless by Levi, yet want to hug him at the same time xD AND YES, RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT :D As you can obviously tell, no, Avian is not dying,….. yet…. BUAHAHAHAHA! *epic trolling* We still have a long way to go before we reach the end of this fic, so don't fear!

**OniKuShita: **I'm very happy to hear that my writing is well done, and that things such as grammar, characters being IC, chapter length, ect. are all on good terms. I put a lot of work into this fic, so it just makes we want to jump for joy to know that what I'm doing is working.

I'm glad that you find Avian to be a very likable and enjoyable character to read and learn about. Her character will develop more as the story goes on, and there are many aspects of her, both good and bad, that we have yet to explore.

I'm SO RELIEVED to hear that Levi is still in character. This man is surprisingly difficult to write, ESPECIALLY in first person, but I like the challenge, and I'm also a writer who enjoys digging deeper into the minds of cannon characters lol. But yes, relationship still has a long way to go, but as I've said before, this fic is nowhere near done, so hold on to your seat!

I fully understand your concern about Levi's treatment of Avian in the previous chapter, and I hope that this one did well to explain it a little further. There was a lot of monologue-ing in this, and I'm sorry if it's boring, but I enjoy explaining the complexities of human emotion and nature this way, and since Levi is a pretty complex guy, there will be a lot of monologue from time to time.

Petra is a good friend indeed, and I regret that her and Avian's relationship doesn't show up more, but I'm planning to remedy that with a side-fic, so cross your fingers!

I can tell you from experience that some days, you just have a weird feeling about you that you can't explain until something drastic happens, both good or bad, and it's only then that you realize what that feeling in the pit of your stomach meant. It's a very strange phenomena, but it's so awesome, and I loved writing it out for Levi. And I knew the only Humanity's Strongest would EVER get close to being killed would either be a purposeful forfeit of his own life to save a comrade, or a gear malfunction, both of which happened xD But even then, we all know that he would go down fighting his hardest and possibly screaming obscene insults about how titans look like Nile Dok's deformed butt or something xD

Now as far as how Levi and Avian's relationship will develop from here….. Who can say? We both will just have to stick around to find out!

Thank you all once again for your continued support and love. I feel so special I could cry ;u; Just so you know, I have been so busy with school, work, and this fic that I haven't even BEGUN to start writing a chapter or two for the side-fic I have been promising for several weeks now. So, to help remedy that, I will focus most of my writing on making a chapter or two for that before starting on the next chappy for this, so I apologize in advance if I update later than usual. Other than that, you guys keep on being awesome. Till next time!

-Ambi :)


	20. Deeper Understanding (Part 1)

Chapter 20:

**Deeper Understanding Leads to… What?**

After our simple meeting, things change. Though there was no spoken apology on my part, an amendment was made between Avian and I, and after that day, it's like the relationship between us has just been wiped away, allowing a clean slate for us to start over.

At first we are total strangers again, and the next couple days following Avian's apology, while more comfortable than before, are still hesitant and awkward on the woman's part. Due to her injury, she is confined to the paperwork I assign her, so most of her time is spent on the adjacent side of my desk scribbling away. Initially, conversation is little to none, but as the days go on, things slowly return to how they used to be.

Two days after her apology, Avian begins asking her questions again. 'How are you today, Corporal?', 'What work shall we do?', 'When will you be leaving next?', the same questions repeated every morning, her voice becoming more open and light with each repetition. Unlike before, where such repetitiveness served to only irritate the hell out of me, this time around, I tend to take them more seriously. I really don't know why I bother, it's not like it makes much of a difference since my answers are always curt and harsh, but it never deters her, and only now, with the assistance of that strange feeling I acquired so suddenly after realizing the woman saved my life, do I begin to notice that the ginger is always genuine in her asking.

She always listens patiently to the same half-assed answers I force myself to spit out every morning: _How do you thing I'm doing? Got a whopping three hours of sleep because I have so much shit to do. YOU'RE going to help me go through all this paperwork those damn pigs in the Military Police just HAVE to have. I have no idea when we're leaving next. Quit asking. It's not like you can go anyway in your piss-poor state…_ It's the same every day, and every day the woman just nods in understanding and goes about her work after muttering some kind of lame words of encouragement.

I'm always callous in regards to her questions, but really, her inquiries don't bother me. In fact, it's almost nice.

It isn't long after she restarts her questions routine that her smile officially comes back. Even though she smiled slightly during our exchange not too long ago, her grins had a tinge about them that made it look as if there was still a hint of sadness about her. But not anymore. With each passing day, her charisma and easy-going nature slowly return to her. Her voice gains that lightheartedness it used to always possess, her complexion brightens, and authentic smiles come to her more often. 

In the span of a week, Avian begins to look like the woman I had grown to know at the old headquarters castle during her initial training: eager, cheerful, attentive, and diligent. Throughout all our slugging through paperwork and all my cranky, unappealing complaints about the whole ordeal, Avian never complains, not once. She is a constant, knocking on my office door every morning, ready to work.

As far as I can tell, she is completely unperturbed by the grievous injuries upon her leg and arm that hinder her movement. It takes her three times longer than normal to walk from her dorm to my office, but in the end, she makes the effort each day, shuffling her way up stairs which must be difficult considering the small woman is constantly wrapped in a multitude of jackets and trousers to keep her warm.

If I allowed myself to, I would probably chuckle at the utter ridiculousness of her daily clothing ensemble. I learned very quickly that her tiny, thin body is highly susceptible to the cold, and without a protective layering of three to four jackets plus a double layer of trousers, the woman would probably freeze to death.

Even now as she sits opposite from me, sorting through papers and reports, her form is covered in jackets and she leans her entire body unconsciously toward the roaring fire that I always make sure to ignite in anticipation of her arrival every dawn. It's truly a pathetic sight to see.

With a great stretch, Avian sighs and shifts in her seat.

"I'm beginning to understand your distain for extended paperwork." She mutters offhandedly, crossing her legs. "What purpose do the Military Police have for these documents again?"

"They like to keep track of our equipment, down to every last screw and mantle."

"But is it really necessary for us to do inventory reports every two weeks? Such a demanding schedule sounds quite preposterous."

"That's because it is." I growl, frowning at my own stack of paper not even half way done. "I swear those damn pigs only make paperwork because their useless asses are good for nothing else."

Avian makes a consenting sound and becomes quiet again, blue eyes focused on the forms in her hands.

Conversation has become so much easier now that all the hostility and bad feeling between the cadet and I has vanished. I've never been one to speak much on my own, but the woman is more than capable of making small talk to pass the time, and to satisfy her undying curiosity about each set of documentation and reports we are forced to slug through.

Her questions are endless it seems, and for some reason, such interest comes as a slight surprise to me. Perhaps it is because I believe no one should be that interested in something as monotonous as reports, but the woman asks all the same. For a few days, I pondered over her odd curiosity until I remembered that such a quirk is simply a part of her personality, and even further evidence of her lack of civilized education concerning everyday matters.

There are many times where I forget that the woman is an outsider. She does such a brilliant job at retaining the knowledge given to her that it's difficult to believe that she was clueless about such things at all. It seems so far away now, the day of her first trial. It's intriguing to see how much she has changed since that instance. Back then, the brat didn't even know what a simple handshake was.

With a sidelong glance, I watch the woman at work, diligent in sorting through the stack of reports I gave to her. The difference between how she was many months ago and how she is now is striking. Even with all the tribulation and hardship she has had to face up to this point, Avian has adjusted very well to life here.

The scratching of quill upon parchment and the crackling of fire are the only sounds inside my office, lending a sort of placid element to the atmosphere. It's nice. Most of the time, especially these past few weeks, it has been completely silent, and only once Avian began assisting me with my work again did I realize that I missed the company.

Despite our violent fallout at the beginning of the year, the woman makes good company, and her easygoing nature makes her very easy to get along with, even with someone like me. It's likely that I'll never forget everything she called me out for that night, yet even knowing full well how much of a strict asshole I can be, the woman still finds it in herself the ability to stay in my office with me. Why she is willing to put up with my shit is beyond me, but she does nevertheless. Since that moment on Wall Maria, I've become irritatingly hyper aware of Avian's existence, and because of that, I've come to recognize the sizable amount of patience the woman possesses. I'm positive that that aspect is the only reason the brat has been able to put up with me this long.

Whatever it is, it's certainly a unique trait. Aside from her, the only other person who seems able to accept my lack luster social etiquette and vulgar habits is Hanji, and THAT woman is bat-shit insane.

Even just thinking about the four-eyed scientist brings a deep scowl to my features, and I harshly push such thoughts out of my mind, returning my eyes to the papers under my hands. If Avian noticed my lapse of concentration she gives no indication, too focused on her own work to bother paying attention to anything else.

The silence hangs in the air for a good, long while, stretching well past the point where the sun's rays shining through the window behind me turn bright in light of the early afternoon. Sitting in such quiet, it's easy to get lost in the task set before us, and for that long stretch of time, that is exactly what we do.

Until, that is, a curious sound permeates the easy quiet and draws my attention away from my work once again.

It has been such a long time since I've heard it that I almost forgot the woman is capable of such an act, but seemingly out of nowhere, a whisper of melody escapes her. It's so unexpected that I stop my work to sneak a hidden glimpse at the woman as the melody continues, flowing through the air with familiar grace.

It's impossible to tell if Avian even realizes what she is doing, because she doesn't stop her work and all her focus is trained on scribbling something on the report before her. Curiously, her song goes on with no indication on the woman's part that she is doing it on purpose. After a minute or so, coming to the conclusion that Avian is completely oblivious to the music coming from her lips, I raise my head and narrow my eyes in attention.

"You're humming."

At my voice, the woman jerks out of her daze and the music stops as she turns to look at me.

"I'm sorry?" she questions in slight confusion, brows furrowed.

With a suppressed sigh of annoyance at having to repeat myself, I say it again.

"You're humming."

Genuine perplexity crosses her features at my comment before she answers.

"Oh, I did not realize I was doing such a thing."

With nothing more to say, Avian turns back to her work again, only this time, the silence stays unbroken. I watch with a bored expression as a slight tinge of embarrassment slowly colors her face, obviously assuming that she had annoyed me with her persistent noise making, which is surprisingly not true. On the contrary, I found myself enjoying the melody, unaware of how much I actually missed the tunes until just now. It's an odd thing, one that doesn't make much sense or have any particular use, but for some reason the sounds are soothing in a way, and I much prefer them over stagnate silence.

After a minute or two of me watching her in complete stillness, I finally speak up again.

"I never said you had to stop, dumbass."

The ginger looks to me once more wearing yet another look of perplexity, but I do not meet her eyes, instead focusing them on my own work. Together we sit like that, her watching me as I sign away, and I can almost feel her intrigue at my stoic comment. When I refuse to say anything more, her gaze eventually turns away.

Another minute or so later the music starts up again, and my ears automatically focus in on the calming refrain. It's such a novel, really, the act of humming. Most of the time, soldiers are in too much of a state of depression or shock to even begin to conjure a song, so even something as simple as a hum is quite drastic.

But I guess it should come as no surprise to me now, the woman is all about her humming and her songs, which is just as well. It's one of the very few things that doesn't get on my nerves, in fact, it severs very well to calm them. In times such as these where death is especially prevalent and morale is low, anything light and hopeful is hard to come by, but greatly sought after. Laughter, song, jokes, games, even smiles are great gifts for someone to have and experience, and such uplifting behavior is seldom found here in the Corps.

And yet, it CAN be found if you are fortunate enough to chance upon it, just as I have been.

I do not say a word and do not give the woman even the slightest indication that I enjoy her music, keeping my façade carefully dull and devoid of emotion, but even with my mask on full display, my body relaxes for the first time in weeks, and for a glimmer of time, I almost feel content.

That is until, the sound of rapid stamping footsteps greets my ears down the hall, growing rapidly louder. Instantly, I know exactly who it is, as NO ONE runs like that in the Corps, and immediately that feeling of contentment vanishes.

'_Why me of all people…' _I growl mentally as Avian lifts her head at the sound, throwing me a questioning glance.

I refuse to answer her silent question and instead bore my eyes into my office door, waiting for the inevitable collision. The steps grow louder and louder, gaining in speed until they are right outside, then just as I expected, a great body slams into my locked door nearly shattering it off its hinges and making the ginger in front of me jump.

"SON OF A BITCH THAT HUUUUUUURT!"

The female on the other side of the door lets out a string of curses and groaning, stamping her feet from pain as Avian stands and hastily unlocks my door, revealing a very disheveled, bespectacled Hanji furiously rubbing her head.

I immediately scowl in displeasure at the sight of the crazed scientist, not even bothering to hide my annoyance at her ridiculous behavior.

"What the hell do you want, shit glasses." I growl with contempt, demanding more than asking as the brunette shakes her head to relieve some of the pain in her oversized, completely empty head.

At my voice, her eyes pierce into mine with a fire that I automatically know to be bad news for me, but even with that warning, I barely have time to even stand from my chair before the woman makes a mad dash for me and roughly grabs me by the shoulders.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU ALMOST DIED SHORTY!?" she screams in my ears with a mixture of horror, relief, and crazy all balled into one teary eyed face. "I'VE BEEN SO BUSY WITH MY WORK THAT I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW UNTIL MOBLIT TOLD ME! HOW CAN THAT EVEN HAPPEN!? DID YOU GET SCARED?! DID YOU PASS OUT!? DID YOU HAVE ONE OF YOUR CLEANLINESS OCD ATTACKS WHILE IN MIDAIR!? WHAT GIIIIIIIIIIIIVES!?"

"GET OFF ME CRAZY BITCH!"

With a great shove, I throw Hanji to the floor and pin her there with a glare so heated I fully expect her to burst into flames right then and there, but unfortunately, the laws of spontaneous combustion are not in my favor and the woman merely bursts out into hysterical laughter and rests back on her hands to look up at me.

"Well I'm glad to see that your attitude hasn't changed, so you HAVE to be okay!" she sings cheerfully, making me grate my teeth in annoyance. "But I'm serious Levi! What happened!? Humanity's Strongest Soldier almost being nom-nomed by a titan!? That's impossible!"

"Would you shut up, your voice is giving me a migraine." I spit venomously. "Keep it up and we'll see how well you talk with my boot shoved halfway down your throat."

At my comment, Hanji just laughs more, head thrown back and exclaims, "Oh you wouldn't do that. Just think of all the bile and saliva that would stain your shoes."

In the end, I resolve to just ignore her in the hopes that she'll just disappear off the face of the planet, and sink back into my chair. At my movement, Hanji picks herself up and leans over my desk with her chin on her fists, stupid grin still coloring her face.

"Sooooooooo… you gonna tell me?" she chimes, inching closer.

"There is nothing to tell. Get your titan-shit covered body off my desk." I growl back, contemplating if it's possible to stab someone in the face in such a way that blood isn't spilt.

"Oh come oooooooooon… the entire legion is dying to know the truth! All everyone is talking about is how you were miraculously saved by Avian at the very last minute! Speaking of, where is she?"

Without waiting for my snippy reply, Hanji gives the room a quick scan and her eyes stop upon Avian's form from where the ginger still stands by the door, obviously unwilling to move.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAVIAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

With a yelp of surprise and pain, Avian jumps when Hanji suddenly leaps at her and envelops the woman in a bear hug.

"I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY! I HEARD THAT YOU WERE SENT TO THE INFIRMARY WITH SEVERE INJURIES AND I JUST COULDN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF MY PRECIOUS TEST SUBECT BEING IN PAIN! OH PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT SEEING YOU SOONER! I'M SUCH A DISGRACE!"

"Damn right you are…" I mutter darkly though Hanji doesn't hear, too caught up in her wild emotions as she clings to Avian in a half sob.

"I… it's alright." Avian mutters awkwardly, making a face tight with understanding and immense pain. "I'm fairing well, though… would you mind releasing me? You're… making it difficult to stand…"

"OH NO!" Hanji gasps, immediately letting go much to the smaller woman's relief. "I'm sorry about that! I didn't hurt you too bad, did I? I was just so consumed by joy that I forgot that you'd still be recovering from your injuries, haha!"

Avian matches her laughs, albeit more pained and forced, and she does her best to mask her hurting as she draws a hand over the brace holding her shoulder.

"Tis fine, Hanji. Just some minor grievances, nothing that won't heal in time."

"Oh I know that silly! You're a tough little cookie, you know? I've always known!" the scientist laughs, ruffling the ginger's hair playfully, then she lets out a sudden gasp and her eyes grow wide with alarm. "DAMN IT! YOU'RE HEALING! I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO EXAMINE YOUR WOUNDS SO I COULD DOCUMENT YOUR HEALING PROCESS AND NOW IT'S TOO LATE BECAUSE I WAITED TOO LONG! SCREEEEEEEW MEEEEEEEEE!"

With a scream, Hanji scrunches her face and pulls at her hair, totally flipping out.

"I JUST MISSED A PRISTENE OPPORTUNITY TO EXTRACT VALUBLE INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR ABILITIES! WHY DID MOBLIT TAKE SO LONG TO TELL ME, DAMN IT! I MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE LIKE THIS! WAIT! MAYBE I CAN STILL GET A HOLD OF THE MEDICAL RECORDS! OR MAYBE SIPHON INFORMATION OUT OF THE DOCTORS! AND I CAN STILL GET BLOOD SAMPLES AND SEE IF YOUR WHITE BLOOD CELL COUNT IS ABNORMAL FROM A HUMANS! THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR MY RESEARCH YET!"

Without warning, Hanji suddenly grabs Avian's uninjured arm in a death grip and starts to drag the woman to the door.

"COME ON AVI! THERE ARE LOADS OF THINGS YOU CAN HELP ME WITH! TELL ME, WHAT DOES THE PAIN FEEL LIKE? WHERE? DID YOU LOSE A LOT OF BLOOD? IF I CUT OFF YOUR ARM WOULD IT GROW BACK?"

"HANJI!" I snap, standing from my chair. "You aren't taking her anywhere. Conner is assigned to help me with my paperwork until I say so, and there is no way I'm going to let you perform your weird ass experiments on ANY of my subordinates."

"But you let me do it with Eren!" she cries back, not letting Avian go though the ginger looks highly alarmed at the thought of losing a limb to the scientist. "Besides, it's not like she's in your squad anymore, and I'm sure Gauche wouldn't mind if I messed with her for a bit."

"She may be in his squad, but she is still officially under my command, so get your shitty hands off her before I cut them off with those scalpels you love so much."

"Why do you have to be so MEAN all the time…! I'm just trying too…" 

"I don't give a rat's ass what you're doing." I cut her off, slicing her in two with my gaze. "Conner is helping me with this shit load of paperwork and that's final. Go satisfy your sadistic titan lust somewhere else."

"Uggh… fine."

With an unceremonious flick, Hanji lets Avian go, causing the shorter woman to stumble slightly, and Hanji pouts at me.

"You're no fun, you know that?"

"Only you would consider slicing open your fellow cadets as 'fun'." I scowl back, eyes still narrowed.

"It was only gonna be a small incision, nothing major…"

"I don't give a shit. If you don't have anything important to say to me, then get the hell out of my office."

"But you never told me what happened!" the brunette insists, unmoving from the door. "All I ever heard were rumors, and I want the real deal!"

'_Rumors? Aw hell, what did those overzealous brats cook up this time.'_

It is common knowledge that among the youngest of our ranks, especially new recruits, rumors and gossip is warped and spread like wildfire. A simple order or meeting between fellow officers can be reiterated into an elaborate hoax where those simpletons fresh from training insist that there is a covert affair among the commanders, and that all sorts of secrets and motives are being hidden from them. There was even a time where, for almost a solid month, the trainees where convinced that Erwin's eyebrows where result of a contagious disease and that even a single touch would result in immediate infection and imminent hair growth in places that it shouldn't grow. That entire time was filled with anxious soldiers and bathrooms constantly filled with gullible cadets checking their asses for signs of fur. The number of razor blades per capita almost tripled in the first week.

'_Damn ridiculous.'_

Stirring me out of my inner chastising, Avian shifts and cocks her head slightly in interest.

"R… rumors?" she asks hesitantly, obviously trying to not set the brunette off on another crazed tangent. "What sort of rumors?"

"Oh you, know… ridiculous ones the young bloods always come up with." Hanji elaborates, turning to her with a flip of her hair. "Stories about how you took out twenty titans in your titan form before majestically swooping in to rescue Levi at the last minute. And another where people said Levi lost his arm, but you fought and killed the titan that ate it and had the medical team sew it back on."

A great grin breaks Hanji's features next, and she lets out a round of jubilant laughter.

"There was even one where people swore that, in the face of imminent death, you two tearfully made amends with each other and locked in an embrace that can only be defined as the beginnings of an unlikely love!"

At that, Hanji just loses it and nearly falls over from the force of her laughter, arms clutching her sides and face red with hilarity. On the contrary to her, I am nowhere near amused, and I can feel the heat of anger burning my throat at such a preposterous lie.

"That has got to be the most idiotic thing I've ever heard." I sneer lowly. "Apparently those brats aren't being worked hard enough. I'll see to it that they are given proper punishment for running their mouths as if they have diarrhea coming from their face instead of their asshole."

'_I'll work those shitty brats so hard the skin on their fingers will melt off from all the bleach they'll be using to clean every square inch of this place using their damn toothbrushes and undergarments!'_

Across the room, it's hard to tell if Avian shares my great disgust since her face is mostly a mask of confusion, but she does make a grunt of dislike and purses her mouth into a line.

"I know not where such erroneous assertions originated, but such an event never ensued, I assure you." She states flatly, not looking the least bit amused.

"Go tell that to the kiddo's. They're convinced something like that happened because they saw you two on top of the wall or something like that." Hanji chokes out in between chuckles, drawing an arm over her eyes to catch her tears.

It takes several seconds for the hysteric woman to calm down, but once she does, she rights herself and fixes her glasses, which became off kilter in her boisterous comedic breakdown.

"But seriously…" she continues, a lot quieter now that her energy is spent, and spares me a serious glance. "…to have someone save your life, you NEVER mess up like that. I've never seen you so much as stumble while in combat in all these years. What gives?"

"Nothing." I retort coldly, unwilling to admit that such a moment of weakness actually happened. "If you'd quit listening to everything those children tell you, you might actually now that it's all a lie."

"Is that so…"

Giving me a raised brow in question, I flinch inwardly when Hanji turns her gaze to Avian next.

"Say Avian…" she starts off nonchalantly, "…is it true? Or is you saving Levi's life just another rumor as well?"

Tense silence envelops the small room, and since Hanji is looking the other way, I narrow my eyes at the small ginger, to which she shuffles her feet uncomfortably.

"I…. it…" she stumbles under the weight of my glare, knowing full well that she better not breathe a word of that event otherwise she'll be up to her neck in chores, but even as I think that, I know that my silent effort is futile.

Shuffling again and with a nervous hand, she reaches up to grasp the necklace under her collar and looks away into a far corner, unable to meet either Hanji's eyes or mine.

"It... it's true…" she mutters, and it takes all my willpower not to growl, and instead focus all my anger into burning a hole into her round, freckled, stupid face.

"OH I'VE GOT TO HEAR THIS! TELL ME EEEEEEEEEEVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!" Hanji bursts out, eyes glittering, grin splitting her face in two, and roughly grabs Avian's hands in her own.

"It… it was a simple liberation, nothing serious!" the ginger stutters. "It was nothing to be excited over."

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME, OF COURSE THIS IS SOMETHING TO BE EXCITED OVER!"

Hanji lets out a resounding laugh that makes me clench my fist as if I can choke the life out of her from my desk, and she tightens her clutches into Avian's hands even more.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT!? THE ONE MISSION WHERE THE RECON CORPS PERFECT AND FLAWLESS LEVI FINALLY FUDGES UP AND BECOMES HUMAN JUST LIKE THE REST OF US!? IT'S AN EVENT THAT WILL GO DOWN IN THE HISTORY BOOKS AS THE DAY THE FAMED LANCE CORPORAL LEVI WAS FINALLY BESTED BY A TITAN! SUCH A THING WILL PROBABLY NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS!?"

Hanji's yells are so loud now that Avian flinches away from the sound looking utterly lost as what to do, but unfortunately for her, the scientist doesn't relent.

"YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING! HOW DID YOU SEE HIM!? WERE YOU FAR AWAY!? WAS THE TITAN AN ABERRANT!? DID YOU REALLY CRY WHEN YOU FOUND HIM BLEEDING TO DEATH IN A NARROW ALLEYWAY!?"

"N… no, I did not cry." The woman strains, trying to answer the crazed scientist as quickly as possible. "And he was not bleeding to death. He received no injury as far as I know. The giant was an aberrant, I saw him when I was atop the wall delivering a wounded soldier to the medical team, and I don't exactly recall how far away I was. The distance spanned nearly the entire district length wise, so… a kilometer or so? Possibly farther?"

"YOU RECOGNIZED A PERSON FROM MORE THAN A KILOMETER AWAY!? THAT'S INSANE! HOW IN DETAIL WAS HE!? DID YOU KNOW IT WAS HIM!? TELL ME, COULD YOU SEE HIS STUBBLE!?"

"I'll cut off your limbs and feed you too the next titan I see if you DON'T QUIT YELLING IN MY OFFICE!" I shout at her, rage shaking me, and unconsciously raise a hand to feel my chin.

"Oh hush up grumpy pants, I'm doing extensive research over here!"

I can't take it anymore. Standing with enough force to throw my chair back into the stone wall behind me, I prowl around my desk and snatch Hanji by her hideous mop of hair, yanking her down a few feet so I can drag her lunatic ass out the door.

"Go bother Erwin with all your retarded questions. I got shit to do." I spit venomously, chucking the woman onto the ground outside with a satisfying, hard thud, and give her a solid kick to the ass for good measure. "I swear if I see you again I'll rip out your spine and shove it so far up your ass it'll spear that pea-sized lump of shit you call a brain."

"Owwwwwww!" Hanji yelps, rubbing her hands over her butt from where I kicked her. "That's not fair Shorty! I wasn't finished ask….!"

I slam the door in her face before she can finish and promptly lock it. On the other side, the scientist wails, banging on the door and begs for me to let her have a minute more to talk, but I ignore her. Instead, I dig my eyes into Avian who still hasn't moved from her position by the door, and she wilts under the weight of my rage.

"Don't let her back in." I order darkly, to which the woman promptly nods, eyes wide.

Without another word, I meander back to my desk, fix my chair, and sit down roughly, too agitated to begin working again.

'_What the hell did I do to deserve this…' _I growl mentally, pinching the bridge of my nose and close my eyes against the sound of Hanji still clawing at my door.

Almost silently, I hear the sound of small feet as Avian gingerly retakes her seat across from me and without a word puts quill to paper, scratching away. It's a good thing she keeps her mouth shut, because I'm sure if she even whispers I'd probably lash out in frustration.

'_That lunatic will be the death of me…' _I muse darkly, but do my best to leave it at that and take up my own quill. _'So much for peace and quiet…'_

….

Thankfully, the scientist heeds my threat and doesn't bother me for a surprisingly long time. In fact, I'm so busy with work that I hardly leave my office for four full weeks, and in that time, not only does Hanji leave me the hell alone, spending so much time one on one with a particular woman has revealed to me many interesting things that, before, went completely unnoticed.

The most obvious of these observations is just how damn stubborn the woman can be. I have no way of knowing who it is that helps her with changing the wraps around her leg and shoulder, but if I had to guess from the ginger's behavior while with me, it's no one. Perhaps it is due to all those years of isolation with no one to get aid from, but Avian is as bullheaded as it comes to accepting assistance or coping out on chores.

Her deep injuries seem to not play much of a role in stopping her from doing whatever it is that she needs to get done, be it climbing the stairs every morning to reach my office, or performing minor errands, she does all to the best of her ability and without complaint. Aside from grunts and hisses of pain, her steely determination does not waver, nor does she let her handicap impede her efforts, much to my great irritation.

The woman is an expert when it comes to disobeying orders concerning her welfare, meeting every concerned doctor and nurse with a straight back and strong gaze as she tells them that she has no need for their assistance, as she is fully capable of taking care of herself. At first, I just let the woman go on with her tough act, fully expecting her to break eventually, but much to my surprise, her resolve is stronger than I gave her credit for, and after the first two weeks of refusing care, it was only with a direct order from me, along with a hefty threat of severe punishment, that Avian finally conceded to being looked over.

I've never seen anyone who despised being fussed over as much as myself, a fact that Avian was quick to point out, but I silenced her remark with a stern gaze and stated that I'm a commanding officer and I can do anything I damn well please. She made no comment after that, but I do catch her giving me knowing looks whenever I happen to let a shadow of a grimace color my face due to the lingering pain in my shoulder.

Aside from her stubborn refusals concerning her health, the ginger is surprisingly easy to work with, though there are certain aspects and quirks about her that either make me question her intelligence or drive me up a damn wall.

For one, I've come to the conclusion that the brat is like a damn lizard in the fact that the freaking idiot can't seem to stay warm. Everyday it's the same picture: her slight form covered in three or four layers of jackets and trousers making her look three times her size, and occasionally a pair of gloves or a scarf will cover her hands and ears. Even with the warmth given by the fire always burning in my office, Avian seems to constantly shiver in her cocoon of fabric, and the entire assemble is absolutely pathetic. Maybe because her body is so small, there was no room for her insides to properly develop like a normal human's, leaving her a shivering, hot-natured mess.

Similarly, also due to her midget proportions, Avian's built like a damn daffodil, incapable of performing any sort of task requiring lifting, pushing, heaving, or dragging as her tiny body isn't even close to being strong enough to perform such simple acts. As if she is allowed to perform such heavy labor in the first place.

There have been many instances to where I've caught her trying to shove a bookcase or table in order to clean, and only after heavy chastising did she come to her senses and apologize, albeit half-heartedly, for her 'obvious disregard for her superior officer's commands'. It's damn infuriating.

Bullheadedness and frailty aside, there are smaller traits that have come to light that grate me the wrong way.

She can't really help it due to her limp, but it pisses me off to no end whenever she drags in dirt, mud, and in one case snow, into my immaculate office forcing me to get on my hands and knees to clean it up before it stained and melted everywhere. To further this notion, where as I cannot stand such filth, Avian seems unbothered by it, even going as far to state that she's used to it from all the time she has spent roaming the woods and messing with herbs and gardens as if hearing that would magically put my 'unreasonable quirk' to rest.

It doesn't.

Adding on to that, other minor irritations come to mind: she's compulsive about having papers and books stacked and lined up in a certain order and fashion so everything is completely straight, my office is never warm enough for her liking, her legs bounce out of nervous habit whenever she is in deep thought or she is forced to sit for a long time, she is reduced to a squealing child anytime a spider appears near her person forcing me to stop my work and kill the hideous thing so she can quit freaking out, and finally, the brat can NEVER get my damn coffee right, always putting too much sugar or, in one case, salt. I almost broke my cup when throwing it down onto my desk due to the bitterly salty beverage I was not expecting to slip down my throat.

I quickly realized that sending her for my morning brew was a bad idea, so now I'm forced to retrieve it myself. Of course, sending a woman who has only sipped coffee once in her entire life to make my cup in the first place was probably an error on my part. If it's any consolation, Avian can make some amazing warm tea.

Despite her numerous flaws that serve only to annoy the shit out of me and cause me to heatedly reprimand her, I've also come to the point where I begin to notice the other side of her personality as well, and I'm surprised at what I find there.

Although her stubborn nature leads to many arguments and harsh curses on my part, I cannot help but be impressed by her sheer force of will. Most other cadets would take any opportunity to lay down and soak up any chance of rest they can get, preferring to not push themselves and wait patiently for their wounds to heal. But Avian is not that kind of person.

Her solid determination is one worthy of noticing, absolutely refusing to admit weakness and have others dot on her like the helpless creature many, including myself, have seen her as for quite some time. I'm certain it is a result from her isolation, as mentioned before, that has caused her to become so self-reliant and independent in a way. The woman's capacity to grit her teeth and push through her pain is a trait I never would have thought she could possess. She's always looked so small and frail, but as I'm beginning to learn, there is a strength hiding underneath that seemingly brittle exterior.

As a result of such persistence, Avian is a constant in her offers of assisting me with my labor, almost becoming the picture child for hard work. In the few times where I have had to leave in order to fetch documents from Erwin or perform some other quick errand, I always returned to find the ginger still hard at work, either scribbling away at a paper, dusting off shelves, sweeping, or wiping down windows, though due to her short height she can't reach the top half of them.

Another constant is the mellow humming that always accompanies her diligent work, no matter what it is that she is doing. The tunes vary, though I've come to notice that there are several that she repeats very often, ranging from upbeat jingles almost sounding like dance music, down to soft lullabies. I never interrupt her when she is in the middle of song, for I enjoy the melody, and over time I've come to notice that she sometimes seems to gets lost in those flowing notes. It is a strange phenomena that I know nothing about, nor know how to react to, so I just leave it be.

Just as I've come to expect, now that she is away from the stress of the battlefield, her easy-going nature soon returns to its former vibrancy, her irritating honesty and consideration along with it. Not much has changed on my part as far as my language toward her is concerned, but now that it seems all negative emotions have been put behind us, my roughness doesn't seem to bother her. She's probably used to it by now, and though she still has trouble handling anger, for the most part, my comments don't seem to affect her.

That is the main thing that gets me, above all else: her compassion. It's so infuriating and annoying because I don't understand it at all. Why the hell does she act that way all the damn time. No one else does, not even my own team for the most part. Not to the level she does. It's completely baffling to me, and there have been many times where I've been conflicted with demanding an answer from her and just straight up strangling her to death.

It's such a foreign treatment from how I'm used to being regarded by everyone in the Corps that it drives me insane. Not even the mellow, level headed Petra is capable of such tolerance as this shitty brat is, and it makes no sense.

And yet, even through all my irritation and frustration, I somehow find myself regarding her in a way I've never really done before.

Over the years, I've slowly come to understand and know my squad members without having to bombard them with questions, but this time, it's different. I don't have the luxury of time with this one cadet as I did with the others, and for some reason, I suddenly feel the need to fix that.

It's awkward, and honestly my bluntness and deadpan inquiries sound out of place and forced, but questions come to mind whenever we are together working, and they often times spill out of my mouth before I even know what it is that I'm asking.

They are always stupid and completely irrelevant, but Avian always answers them, never once questioning as to why such sudden subjects are being thrown her way out of the blue. I ask her about her family, her hobbies, her likes and dislikes, her skills, anything that comes to mind really, and to which the woman always gives a detailed answer to, which is a relief on my part as I find it difficult to carry on conversations like this, and merely listen in hidden interest to every new fact about herself that she reveals.

Small talk comes so easily to her, and any topic relating to herself, or her family especially, stirs up a kind of enthusiasm that I've rarely seen before now. She is such a quiet person that getting her to speak for more than a few sentences at a time can be a chore, but in the seclusion of my office with just me and her together for hours at a time, it's intriguing to watch her shy demeanor open up.

It's only during those long, paperwork filled days that I truly begin to understand her as a person instead of just another annoying recruit to look after. She blossoms when reiterating stories of her childhood: laughing when she recounts the wrestling matches she and her brothers would sometimes have, scowling when she remembers the petty arguments between her and with her parents, and grimacing in pain when she relives a time where she accidentally got her foot caught in one of her father's hunting snares, resulting in a serious rebuke and a deep cut that took several weeks to heal.

Though I pretend to only half listen, making sure my expression is as bored and emotionless as ever, I find myself enamored by her tales and the obvious affection she has for her kin. Aside from the friction caused by her prevalent lying problem when she was younger, Avian and her family seemed to be very close, her brothers especially.

"_They were the only men I knew aside from ones I read about in books, and as a young girl, I deeply admired my brothers, and I remember being so in awe of them that I wanted nothing more that to impress them. They where my knights in shining armor, I guess you could say.' _She had told me, a bright smile having light up her face. _"They where everything I wished and dreamed I could be."_

Hearing her speak so well of them both, there were instances to where I wanted to know more about these men she holds so dear, but for the most part, I hold myself back. She may love to speak of them, but I've noticed that in those times of memory, a tinge of deep pain would haunt her voice and gaze at times, and I know that recounting such things are difficult, and her family is a touchy subject that should only be investigated sparingly.

Aside from memories, she tells me of all the hobbies and skills she has learned over the years: how she inherited her mother's ability to grow herbs and plants, how she was taught to sew, weave, cook, heal, and write. She told me of how, after the incident where her foot got caught in a trap, her father took to teaching her how to hunt, track, make snares, as well as skinning/preparing meat, though the later is an act she openly dislikes. Her father even taught her how to play a guitar.

She told me of how she would spend hours talking to Tolkien about their favorite books, hers being something about a wolf written by a Jack Whatever-his-last-name-is. They could go on and on about various subjects concerning characters and plotlines, and she would always smile while explaining to me how such debates would go.

"_Even though I was young, we where both passionate about our literature." _She would laugh, _"Tolkien's favorite was a series written by his namesake set in a world very different from our own, filled with magical, mythical beings such as elves, dwarves, orcs, and even large fire-breathing lizard-like creatures called dragons!"_

I could not help my frown at hearing such useless banter about a make believe world filled with impossible beasts, but Avian was so adamant about such a topic that I decided to just let her carry on.

On the other side of the coin, the woman's relationship with her other brother is as mellow as it could be. From what I can tell from her explanations, Romulus was a very reserved man, speaking less than Eld at times and spend a majority of his time away from the family tracking some type of game through the woods, as was his passion.

"_Do not mistake him for a cruel man." _Avian made sure to emphasize. _"Though he was few with words, he was abundant in showing his compassion through small, minor acts. He would always catch us our food, or course, but there would be many times where, instead of verbally giving thanks or appreciation to our parents, he would do things without being asked. Clothes would sometimes sporadically be cleaned without my mother's say so, or he would silently offer his portion of a choice bit of meat in unspoken thanks to my father if he happened to help him with something. Small things such as that…"_

With each story, my understanding of the woman only grows, and though most of her energy is spent talking about others, I learn tidbits about her likes and dislikes as well, thrown in here and there in casual conversation since she doesn't speak of herself much at all.

I learned of her favorite color, season, and food (bright green, summer, and the cinnamon bread her mother makes on special occasions respectively). I've come to understand her deep love for reading, and how passionate she is in both horse riding as well as woodcarving, both of which are crafts and talents that she constantly strives to improve. I even come to understand her strange fascination with tinkering with mechanisms, as it's all just a big puzzle to her. She's currently working on refurbishing and reassembling a VERY old model of our 3DMG that I happened to find in a box in one of the storage rooms while fetching my cleaning supplies.

In those four weeks that seemed to crawl yet speed by at the same time, I learned more about her than I've ever even considered to learn, even down to things as serious as her dreams.

….

"_Do you have a dream, Corporal?" _She had asked me one day out of the blue, causing me to stop my work.

"_No."_

"_Oh, come now. Everyone must have a goal, a dream to strive for. What else keeps you going?"_

"_How the hell should I know." _I growled back at her, annoyed by her useless talk of meaningless things such as figments of imaginary futures. _"Tomorrow is just another day. What is so damn special about it?"_

Avian only greeted me with eager gaze and a patience and yearning so strong that I had no choice but to sigh and cast my eyes away in defeat.

"_To kill every last one of those bastard monsters." _I sneered at her finally, though I really only said that much to shut her up. _"That's it. Satisfied?"_

Avian merely blinked at me, then turned her gaze upward to the window behind me so the beams of light fell directly upon her face. After a minute or so, having been unperturbed by my harsh comment, she spoke up again.

"_I wish to fly."_

Her answer was so out of the blue and something so unexpected that I literally stopped writing mid-word to look at her.

"_I have always loved the way birds soar through the sky, how they seem so far above all the troubles that linger so near the surface of the earth. They are so free, and hold an ability that none of us could ever truly possess. Both of my parents liked them as well, and my father used them in many of his sayings and metaphors. His favorite was one about a young chick just about to step out of his nest."_

For a moment, her eyes grew distant and stared out into the world with a far-away gaze.

'_Everything new that you do, Avian, is just like learning to fly' he told me. 'New experiences are scary, and sometimes you believe that you don't have what it takes, but just as a baby bird is born with everything he needs in order to one day soar out of his nest into the sky, so do you. You already have all that you need, all that is left is to take that leap of faith and step off the edge'_

At that point, Avian let out a round of soft chuckles.

"_His words couldn't be more true. They are my basis for living, my strength to keep going. In fact, his wisdom with learning to fly is the sole reason that gave me the courage to come here in the first place_

Her eyes were so bright when she looked at me then.

"_I took his advice, and though the prospect of leaving home to journey to another land filled with strange and wondrous things that I can't explain filled me with fear, I truly believed his words, and they gave me the bravery to take that first step off the edge of my nest."_

…_._

I never knew the woman to be such a philosophical, poetic thinker, and the way she spoke of her dream and her father's wisdom with such reverence and love… it stirred something in me then that I have no name for, like a mix between admiration and something else. It is a feeling so strange and unidentifiable that for the rest of that conversation long after Avian had moved on to another topic of lighter subject, I was rendered almost speechless.

It's a feeling that makes me want to figure out exactly what it is as well as slam my head against the wall in utter frustrated rage at the same time. It's a very uncomfortable emotion that I've never experienced before, and I made damn well to make sure that similar, profound topics were never discussed again in fear that the feeling would be brought back.

All in all, those four weeks were filled with engagement that somehow squashed years worth of bonding and company into a handful of twelve-hour s shifts with nothing but the woman, myself, and a fire. It's unreal just how quickly she went from an infuriatingly clueless cadet who I had the misfortune to be assigned with, into a deep minded, oddly developed personality that is, in her own strange way, slightly endearing. I'll never admit to such a fact, and perhaps it is due to my sudden change of view upon her ever since she saved my life, but I secretly admire and appreciate her unusual brand of skill and intelligence.

It isn't all that special, really, but there is just _something_ about the way her mind works, the way she sees things and goes about explaining things that is different from most everyone else I've ever spoken with. Even down to the lyrical language she uses in everyday conversation that sounds more like she's reading out of a novel instead of explaining how to best grow feverfew and thyme.

There is something about how she is always at the ready, waiting for my every order, even while handicapped, that perplexes me. I have no problem believing in her resolve to become the best soldier she can be, as well as Petra's words about the ginger's admiration of me and her steely oath from so long ago.

Even now as I strap on my mantle in preparation for our next mission to Shiganshina in the hopes to finally retake the district and unearth what lays inside the basement of Eren' home, the woman waits for me by the door.

"You are not coming with us." I order her sternly again, catching that disappointed look upon her face that she has worn ever since learning of our next move. "You are still too injured to go back in battle, so quit pouting like a damn child."

"It is difficult not to." She replies calmly, drawing a hand over her shoulder that was just recently taken out of its brace for good. "All that is left is for my lacerations to heal. The bone underneath is surely strong enough to withstand exertion."

"NO." I growl again, irritation pounding in my temple. "It's the same as every other damn mission we've set out on. I don't care how strong you may feel, you aren't doing a damn thing until those gashes of yours heal. Until then, shut your mouth and do as you're ordered. This bullheaded shit of yours is really getting on my nerves."

The ginger meets my gaze, not in a challenging way, but with a clear indication that she would much rather be anywhere aside from being stuck in my office. Without another word, I finish securing my mantle, snatch my white gloves from the pocket of my uniform jacket and slip them on.

"I want this entire office spotless when I get back." I tell her sternly, not sparing her a glance. "With all the progress we've made this past week, we should be able to finally reach that damn basement before sunset. That gives you all day to finish cleaning, so there better not be a single speck of dust in here, otherwise I'll have you mop out and dust every supply closet in both Recon buildings, spiders included."

At my threat, Avian frowns and says nothing more, just as I knew she wouldn't. As far as I know, the woman will do anything to avoid coming in contact with the pesky eight-legged creatures.

With nothing more to say, I adjust my cravat and begin to make my way out the door.

"The snow was heavy last night." The woman calls from behind me. "Such cold climate will affect your equipment and your footing."

"Thanks for the heads up mother." I reply sarcastically, not bothering to acknowledge her warning with anything else, and pull on the door.

"Take care."

Those two soft spoken words barely make it to my ears before I shut the door behind me, and for a moment, I pause. It is very brief, and I'm not sure what it is that I'm waiting for exactly, but when there is no other sound from inside my office, I shrug.

"Tch. Worrisome brat."

Slightly irritated by her doting, I swiftly make my way downstairs and out into the snow covered morning, scowling heavily at the annoying white substance.

'_The sooner this mission is completed, the happier I'll be. It's about damn time we made it this far.'_

Setting out toward the stables where I know my team will be waiting, I narrow my eyes against the brisk wind as well as the gravity of what is to come. If all goes as planned, history could be made today. Despite the harsh casualties we've suffered until now, all of it could be made justified today: Shiganshina can be reclaimed, and with it, whatever lays inside Eren's basement.

We can only hope.


	21. Deeper Understanding (Part 2)

Chapter 20:

**Deeper Understanding Leads to… What? (part 2)**

I can barely see where I'm going, like I even care at this point. I think I'm heading to my office, but I'm not quite sure, everything is moving in a blur, and the only thing I'm aware of is the raging fire burning deep in my being, fueling each of my tense steps. For once, I don't care about the February snow that I kick up, wetting my boots as well as my pants, nor do I care about the numbing pain in my face and lungs, each rough breath I take sending spikes of freezing air into my very skin, piercing every muscle.

I've never been so furious.

The sound of my steps echo down the stone hallways of the office building as I step inside, each reverberation sounding like a clap of thunder, only to grow louder as I hurriedly turn to make my way upstairs. My mind is fuming with millions of thoughts, each as fleeting as the next, and the constant buzz pounds painfully in my head, only serving to add to my rage.

What sort of sick joke is this?

No one is present as I reach the floor I'm looking for, and upstairs is just a dead as the one below, not a single soul in sight. I'm beginning to loathe these empty passageways. They are only reminders of every sacrifice we have made. It's almost as if the silence is there to mock us. Mock me.

I suddenly loathe the quiet.

Each of my limbs feel heavy, yet I move with such purpose and tense strength that I'm surprised the stone under my feet does not break under the weight of my fury. I'm almost completely blinded by it, and I can barely feel my hands even though they are clenched so hard nails bite into my palm and the tendons stick out in ridges.

I don't even know why I'm coming up here. There is no way I can file reports in this state. I should be seeing Erwin and Hanji in regards to the results of our mission, but I can't bring myself to do so. I'm walking and have no idea why.

I'm so engrossed by my own inner turmoil that I don't even register the sound floating lightly through the air as I near the room I'm wanting to enter. Upon seeing the bronze knob and without realizing what I'm doing, all my rage bubbles up in a sudden fit and in an act that is highly out of character for me, I unleash my frustration on the object and slam it open, nearly breaking it off its hinges.

"AAAAHHHHH!"

A sudden yell shatters its way into my clouded brain, and the next thing I know, I'm greeted by the sound of something clattering to the floor, accentuated by a dull thud and a high yelp of pain. The unexpected noise brings me to attention, and I look to the left just in time to see a slight, ginger haired woman tentatively shifting on the ground next to a toppled wooden step ladder, drawing her top half up with a severe grimace.

The sight is so out of the blue that for a second, I can only stand there, registering what just happened, but as quickly as my surprise came, it passes, and when the woman lets out another hiss of pain, my eyes narrow and I make my way to her.

Without a word I kneel beside her, and Avian barely has any time to throw me a wide eyed glance before I slip my hands under her arms and lift her to her feet. At my action, she lets out a grunt which she quickly silences by setting her jaw against the pain.

Once standing, she draws her hand over her form to dust off her blouse and skirt.

"Thank you." She mutters, giving her clothing one last glance before raising her eyes to mine.

Perhaps it is due to my already pissed off attitude, but instead of showing concern like a normal human being would, I answer with a deep scowl.

"What the hell was that?" I snip quickly, causing the woman to blink at my harsh tone.

"I… I fell." She answers meekly, brows knitting together in confusion as if I had asked her a trick question.

I know I should calm down, but I don't feel like quelling myself just yet.

"Well no fucking shit." I respond, still glaring. "What I meant was what the hell where you doing."

"I was cleaning, as you asked." She answers meekly again, a level of carefulness and something else now coloring her eyes. "I was in the middle of dusting the tops of the bookshelves."

'_That's right. I did tell her to clean this morning, didn't I? That seems like so long ago….'_

Only then when I see that mixture of confusion and caution in her eyes do I come to my senses, and though it takes a great deal of effort, I force myself to take a moment to breathe and will my body to relax. Immediately I know that it was wrong of me to lash out at her like that. Slight regret now burning in my throat instead of anger, I make myself swallow most of my rage and do my best to force the sting out of my voice. Only when I feel like I'm in better control to I speak again.

"I see that now." I answer her more calmly, though there is still the slightest shadow of heat in my voice that refuses to be quelled.

I scan my eyes briefly down her form until they fall upon the toppled step ladder.

"I made you fall." I state bluntly, and though I mean to say something along the lines of an apology, what comes out next is, "Hope you weren't on the top rung."

"I was." Avian answers, and I cannot help but feel even more like a douche bag, but she swiftly continues, obviously seeing something in my blank face that I'm not aware of. "It is fine, though! Do not worry yourself. I have suffered worse falls that this."

Lifting my eyes up again, I'm greeted by a slight, awkward smile.

"Believe me when I say that I am well." She continues, stooping to right the ladder. "You startled me was all."

I open my mouth to reply, but when she bends down to lift the object off the floor, back to me, I'm stopped by the sight of a large, growing splotch on the back of her blouse. Before I know what I'm doing, I grab her by the upper arm and lift her upright again.

"You're hurt." I state flatly, narrowing my eyes on the sizable bloodstain developing directly over her injured shoulder.

Avian makes a slight sound as if it's no big deal and tries to shrug my grip off her arm.

"Tis nothing. I'll rewrap it here in a moment."

"This isn't nothing." I growl back, tightening my grip against her nonchalant efforts to escape. "You landed right on your shoulder, didn't you?"

When she nods yes, my scowl deepens and an annoyed growl escapes me.

"Fucking hell…"

Without so much as a word of warning, I pull her away from the bookcase to the front of my desk where her chair still sits and drag her around.

"Sit."

At my order, she automatically sets her jaw in that familiar look of self-reliance she uses on every nurse and doctor, an expression I've come to hate. Unluckily for her, I've had years more practice with looking completely uncompromised, and my heated glare cuts straight through her pathetic façade.

"SIT." I spit again, not in the mood to deal with her shit.

She must hear the underlying venom in my order, for it only takes a second or two before she obeys, cautiously taking a seat. Once there, I command her to stay put with a single flick of my eyes before making my way into the bathroom to fetch my ever present stash of medical supplies.

I'm aware that it's technically my fault that this happened, but even so, the events of today have festered a deep anger unlike any I've ever felt before, and even someone like myself isn't sure how to handle such unbridled emotion. A calm, emotionless exterior can only go so far.

"Fucking ridiculous…" I mutter to myself, continuing my cursing string, each profanity making me feel just the slightest amount calmer. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, damn fucking shitty…"

Over and over I repeat those words to myself as I swiftly grab antiseptic, bandages, gauze, useless towels, and other things, the woman not making a sound the entire time until I finish my rummaging and walk back to her, throwing the supplies unceremoniously on my desk.

"Blouse, off."

Avian obeys in silence again, apparently not wishing to rattle me further since she would much rather prefer to stay out of my boiling rage. As she does so, I vaguely wonder as to why she isn't in her usual twenty thousand layers of jackets, but as soon as the thought come across my mind, it's gone.

Opening the bottle of antiseptic, I set it down in arms reach before drawing my own chair around and sit, snatching up an old towel and direct my attention to the woman again as she turns her back to me.

The top left half of her blouse has already been moved out of the way revealing a fair skinned, freckled shoulder completely covered in blood from the gaping wound that now yawns at me, the stitching grotesquely ripped.

Seeing such a disgusting sight, I make a highly disapproving noise and none too gently slap the towel over the injury, making Avian hiss under my touch. Instantly, another bubble of regret tickles my throat at the sound, I didn't mean to be so rough, and quickly lighten my touch, doing my best to gently dab and wipe the crimson streams carving lines down her skin.

The woman is a statue beneath my fingers, unyielding and silent, so it startles me a bit when her soft voice breaks the air.

"What troubles you?" 

It is only a whisper, but the entire building is so empty it sounds like a shout, and though she can't see it, my face automatically turns to a scowl out of pure habit.

"Nothing." I answer curtly.

More silence beckons, then she speaks up again.

"You returned early."

"Glad you noticed." I spit, the beginnings of a growl forming deep in my throat.

Why am I acting like this all of a sudden? It's not like a mission has never failed before, yet my entire calm façade has crumbled and I have no will to build it back up.

'_Besides, this time is different.' _I muse darkly, frowning at the still bright afternoon light forming yellow squares on the floor near my feet.

I shouldn't be here, the mission shouldn't have ended so quickly, but it did. We only set out a few hours ago, yet here we are, having returned home empty handed and fewer in number. It just isn't real, it couldn't be. What else is there for us now? Nothing but vain deaths?

Without knowing it, my grip tightens around the towel in my hand and the ginger shifts slightly.

"Something is bothering you." She prompts again softly, turning her head so she can look at me. "The mission did not proceed as planned I presume. What happened?"

I don't know whether to feel thankful for her concern or utterly annoyed, but I guess my change in behavior is more apparent than I thought if she can pick up on it. For some reason, I am reluctant to answer her as I'm perfectly content with keeping such information to myself, but even as I think that, a burning scorches my chest as if the news I hold is searing me from the inside, and even if I did withhold telling her, she'll just hear about later.

Conflict breeds as I debate what it is I wish to do, and the entire time I fester in my own inner battle, Avian stays quiet and expectant, patiently waiting. That is one thing I am glad for, if nothing else. Any other cadet would probably get fed up and demand answers, but not her. Seconds of tense silence tick by , yet she continues to wait, not pushing, not demanding, not anything, simply waiting with an eager ear.

I keep my eyes trained on the towel ,unwilling to meet her gaze, as I flip it over to soak up more blood that continues to flow freely. Is there really any harm is telling her? She'll just hear about it anyway.

'_Besides… I don't even know if I want to keep this in any more.'_

Rage boils in my gut and rises to my throat again as I watch her blood soak its way through the towel in my hands. For a reason I can't explain, the sight of it reminds me of all we have lost to get to this point, all the bodies, all the blood, and my teeth clench in sudden resolve.

Keeping my eyes on the towel, I manage to force out a stern answer.

"It was all for shit."

At my reply, I see Avian blink from the corner of my peripheral, a shadow of confusion crossing her face.

"I… don't quite understand." She mutters lowly, brows knit, and as if her voice was the final weight needed to snap a cable, something inside me breaks.

"IT WAS ALL FOR SHIT!" I yell abruptly, making the woman jump at the unexpected increase in volume and emotion, but like an explosion, fire consumes my being to the point where I shake, and suddenly, every ounce of my rage and despair flows forth in a devastating wave.

"IT WAS ALL FOR SHIT! ALL OF IT! ALL OF OUR WORK, OUR PAIN, OUR SACRIFICES! EVERY LIFE LOST, EVERY COMRADE KILLED, ALL OF THEM WHERE FOR NOTHING! ALL THAT WE HAVE STRIVED FOR THE PAST FIVE DAMN YEARS WAS ALL FOR NOTHING!"

Avian stares at me with eyes wide as plates, but I keep on going, unable to stop this onslaught of pent-up emotion even if I wanted to.

"IT'S BULLSHIT, ALL OF IT! EVERYONE IN THE CORPS HAS WORKED THEIR ASSES OFF SO HUMANITY CAN MAKE A STEP FORWARD, AND FOR WHAT!? A FUCKING EMPTY ROOM!"

I'm positively livid now. All I see is red. I barely even feel the cloth in my hands, or the floor beneath my feet.

"WE'VE SPENT ALL THIS TIME TRYING TO GET TO SHIGANSHINA JUST SO WE COULD GET TO THAT DAMN FUCKING BASEMENT, AND WHAT DO WE FIND WHEN WE FINALLY GET THERE? NOT A DAMN FUCKING THING! IT'S AS EMPTY AS THOSE MP'S FUCKING HEADS, COMPLETELY RANSACKED! NOT A SINGLE BOOK, FLASK, OR FILE LEFT! NOT EVEN A SINGLE DAMN SHEET OF FUCKING PAPER! FIVE YEARS OF HAVING TO SUFFER THROUGH DEATH AFTER DEATH, FIVE YEARS OF HAVING TO SIGN CERTIFICATES FOR FALLEN FRIENDS AND COMRADES, FIVE YEARS OF AGONY…. FOR NOTHING!"

In a fit so outside my character, I grab the nearest thing to me and throw it against the wall. Avian jumps as black glass shatters, splattering an entire well's worth of ink onto the stone behind it, but for once, I couldn't care less about the mess.

All of my men's deaths for the past five years have been in vain. How many hundreds, if not thousands, of lives where just WASTED. The knowledge that every single one of those men and women died for no real gain stabs me with a force and venom unlike any I've ever felt before. I never knew I was capable of such unbridled rage.

I have no idea what's happening, I can barely see, and I'm only aware of the violent shaking wracking my body in furious tremors. It's my own personal hell, the one thing that kills me above anything else: unnecessary death.

Pain.

Despair.

Rage.

All of it collides together in a deadly mixture to poison my mind and seep into every corner of my being, into every fiber of muscle, every vein, every bone down to the marrow, even into places where I never thought it could reach. It's as if my entire existence hurts, the very spark of life feeling like a flame beating against my ribs as if to shatter them.

It HURTS.

I'm so lost, so out of character, yet I couldn't care less. Years upon years of carefully hidden emotion and pain have finally spilled over.

It's catastrophically marvelous.

I have no idea of knowing just how long I stay like that, shaking and glaring through red eyes at the floor, but with the softness like a caress of wind, something brushes my knee. At the touch, my eyes snap up, and they land themselves in clear blue orbs staring straight at me.

I had totally forgotten that Avian was even there, the ginger having never said a word, and as I look at her, I'm perplexed by her. Having never been a person who can deal well with anger, there is a level of caution and wariness about her, but above that, more prominent in her gaze than anything else, is an emotion so familiar, yet the name does not come to me.

It's so striking that I can't bear to take my eyes away, but looking harder, I'm surprised to feel some of my rage slowly begin to melt away. As if waking from a sleep, I regain feeling in my limbs and sight to my eyes, and only when that happens do I realize that the touch I felt on my knee was result of the woman having carefully laid a slim, light hand delicately on the white fabric of my pants.

It's just the ghost of a touch, but for a reason I cannot identify, it brings so much comfort to me that it's startling in its strangeness. I also find it intriguing that, for once, I do not mind the contact. In fact, I'm thankful for it.

I'm feeling so outside myself, so out of character, yet I do not feel ashamed or even concerned that another human being is witnessing this break in me. Eyes still glued to hers, I stare into them, so steady and unwavering, and with a spark or insight, I suddenly recognize what it is that I'm seeing in them.

Understanding.

It's so unlike what I would expect. It isn't a shallow emotion such as sympathy, rage, or even worse, pity; such sentiments are hardly substantial, and rarely give the amount of comfort a person needs. But this… this is different.

Understanding is the deepest form of condolence one can give. It isn't merely the fact that the one giving you such a look has heard of what you are suffering through, it is the fact that they've been there. Understanding is what happens when two people endure the same trauma, the same agony, the same anything, forming a level of connection between them that is unrivaled. It is the monument of someone who actually _knows_ what it is that plagues your being, and is willing to stoop down to your level to offer help instead of keeping their distance and looking on with wishful thinking.

Looking deep into her eyes, I finally realize that, out of everyone in the entire Corps, it is probably her alone that best understands what it is that I'm feeling better than anyone, even Erwin.

How many times have I seen the same misery that envelops me now darken her expression and mute her voice? How many times have I witnessed her body tense in despair? How many times have I caught her standing by funeral pyres, body shaking in front of the flames like a flickering shadow as I watch from my office window?

Who better to understand the gravity of so much loss than the one who detests it the most?

Coming to my senses, I let out a great sigh, the burning in my throat steadily receding, and close my eyes, just to relish a fleeing moment of darkness. Once most of the fire has died, I open my eyes again.

In my fit of rage, I didn't even notice that I had neglected to keep the towel on Avian's wound, so now the crimson streams have carved new paths down her bare skin to soak even further into her blouse. Without meeting her gaze again, I replace the cloth onto it, more gently this time around, and hold it there.

Quiet flows around the room in a slightly lighter atmosphere, albeit still tinted with a hint of gravity, and through it all, the woman keeps her silence. I'm not sure how I know this, but I'm positive that her vigil is not out of fear or discomfort. From the way she looks at me, even now, I'm certain her lack of words are just that; a lack of knowing what to say. Instead of forcing some type of half assed apology or statement of sympathy, Avian conveys all of her emotion and unspoken wishes into simple gestures and glances, letting actions speak louder than words, and it works.

Though my eyes are trained on the towel under my hands again, I can feel her gaze upon my cheek, watching, observing, and silently offering everything a person can in times like these.

I'll never admit it, but I'm feeling so out of character I'm highly grateful for her presence.

Neither of us speak for a very long time, each basking in the growing calm and, eventually, my anger disappears, leaving an odd exhaustion in my limbs and heart, and it's the first time I've ever experienced such emotional fatigue.

With nothing to concentrate my thoughts on, my mind sort of dazes, carefully staying away from anything pertaining to our most recent expedition, and instead focuses on ambiguous things. Now that the shroud of anger is gone from me, I suddenly recall what it is that I heard before opening my office door, and without meaning to, I speak my revelation out loud.

"You were singing." I state flatly, sort of perplexed.

I don't know why such a thing is so intriguing, I've heard the woman before, but this time was different. It wasn't just a humming of tunes, muted and unconscious while Avian is busy at work. No, this type of music as _actual_ singing. Only now do I realize that what I heard was not a melody made up of notes hummed or whistled, but of words. She had been singing with words.

Why am I so perplexed by that fact?

At my comment, I feel the woman freeze for a fraction of a second, then just as quickly, she relaxes.

"So, you heard then…" she mutters, and I raise a brow at the hint of embarrassment I detect in her voice.

"I did."

She keeps her back to me, but even though I cannot see her face, I can almost feel her chagrin. I watch her with an odd interest, and it might be due to feeling so out of character, but I'm curious as to what it was she had been so joyously serenading before.

"How does the song go?"

The words are out of my mouth before I even realize what it is that I'm asking, but I'm so desperate to distract myself from the thought of our mission that I don't really care.

At my question, Avian shifts nervously.

"Y…you are asking me to… to sing?"

I really do hate repeating myself, so instead of answering, I keep silent, eyes trained on the back of her head. For a while, nothing happens, and I believe the woman to have refused my offer, but like a gentle breeze, her voice suddenly hums into the air. It's barely a whisper, but the room is so quite that I have no problem understanding her, and my ears do that annoying thing where they automatically hone in on the sound of her voice.

_Oh hush thee my dove_

_Oh hush thee my little love_

_Oh hush thee my lap wing_

_My dear little bird_

I don't know what it was that I was expecting. In all honestly, I can't even remember the last time I've ever heard anyone sing, so to hear someone do it now is a novelty in itself. Avian's voice is very light, sounding more like a croon than anything, and though there is nothing special or spectacular about it, I find that her soft lullaby sound is comforting in a way.

_Oh hush thee my dove_

_Oh hush thee my little love_

_Oh hush thee my lap wing_

_My dear little bird_

There is a mellow rhythm that is soothing to the ears, and already I feel myself relaxing and getting lost in the melody. It sounds strange in a good way; how the notes go up and down in an unfamiliar pattern unlike any of the music that I've ever heard played here, as sparing at it is, like this song is from another place in the world entirely. But it is familiar in a way as well, as I now recognize it as a tune that the woman frequently hums to herself while lost in thought, more so than any other as if this is her favorite.

_Oh fold thy wings and seek thy nest now_

_The berries shine on the old rowan tree_

_The bird flies home from mountains and valleys_

_Oh hush thee my birdie, my pretty dearie_

_Oh hush thee my birdie, my pretty dearie…_

The final note comes sooner than expected, but even though the song was short, I'm secretly enamored by the feelings in such a little lullaby. Even to my untrained ears, I could hear the emotion in Avian's voice as she sung every word, and without having to ask I know that this is a song very dear to her.

Finished, the ginger sits quietly, face hidden behind her hair as I flip the towel over, glad to see that the bleeding has nearly stopped. Seconds pass without either of us talking, then in that same soft tone as before, Avian speaks.

"My mother used to sing that to me all the time when I was younger." She mutters, drawing my attention. "It is my favorite out of all the songs that she taught me, and she would sing it to me every night before I went to bed, even after my brothers said I was too old for such childish things. My mother didn't care, of course. She always told them that she would sing it to me for as long as she liked, that I was her little bird and no one could take that away."

At that, Avian lets out a single chuckle, and I can hear her break into a smile.

"That is where I received my name." she continues. "My mother always loved the lullaby as well, as her own mother sung it to her, and she told me that she always dreamed of passing the tradition down onto her own daughter, so when I was born, she was so elated that she wanted to commemorate the occasion and vow in the form of a name. At first, I was almost 'Robin', but both of my parents agreed that such a name was too common and masculine for a lady, and so, my mother thought of something a bit more… unique, and thus, 'Avian' is what they chose."

I don't let it show on my face, but I'm fascinated by her explanation, having always been slightly curious about her odd-sounding name, though I still don't understand the connection between 'Avian' and the song.

"What is so special about 'Avian'?" I ask bluntly, sounding as bored as ever, to which the ginger quickly replies.

"It is actually a word derived from a very ancient language, thought to be the first of its kind. Though I forget what the language is called, the word 'avian' means bird. That is why they chose it." She answers with a hint of pride.

My only reply is a grunt as I lay down the blood soaked towel and take up antiseptic. Over the next minute or so, the only sound is of the slosh of the bottle and the barely audible hisses of pain coming from the ginger every time the sanitizer is applied. Soon after that, I take up a clean needle and thread and, as gently as I can, start to sew her back up. Her bare skin is surprisingly cold to the touch, and I suddenly realize that the woman is probably freezing her ass off without all her layers of clothing.

I do my best to finish as quickly as possible.

Threading the needle through her delicate skin, Avian does very well with hiding her pain, but underneath her gritted teeth there's something else, a sort of subdued melancholy that wasn't there before. The only reason I pick up on it at all is because I've seen it hundreds of times on the faces and in the movements of nearly every soldier, the reason behind every lowered gaze and submissive demeanor all the same.

Without pausing from my work, I give voice to my assumption.

"You miss them, don't you?"

I can feel Avian move ever so slightly, head tilting as if in acknowledgment, and after a baited pause, she answers.

"More than you know…"

There is so much hurt in her whisper that I stop mid-stitch, raising my gaze to level with the back of her head as she continues.

"Losing them… it is as if I've lost pieces of myself that I'll never get back, leaving fissures in my core that refuse to be filled. As much as I love Stonewall, there is only so much comfort a horse can offer, and now that I'm here, I have almost nothing in their memory to call my own."

I cannot say that I understand what she is saying, at least, not to the extent I should. I've never been fool enough to put value on objects, for they are just that; crummy trinkets that can be broken, stolen, lost, defiled, and forgotten. I've never had reason to put such sentimental value on things anyway, who would they be from? There is only me, and I've lost so many people both close and distant that there is no luxury for such things like that. It's sad to say that I don't care about such sappy things because I've become so callous to death over the years that I have no desire to commemorate fallen comrades to memory. There are so many that they all end up meshing together to the point where I can't tell one from another anyway.

But Avian is different, she still has the capability to feel connection, to sear memories into her mind as fuel for her mission, whatever it may be. There is still some hope left in her, as fragile as it seems through the broken aspects of her being. Seeing her now, she looks so lonely, so lost, and I can't help but wonder if she yearns to return to her simple life outside the walls, away from all this death and suffering.

Returning my eyes to the needle, I keep my voice deadpan and emotionless.

"Do you regret coming here?"

The ginger hums slightly in thought, taking a lot longer than I expect to mull the question over. At last, she replies flatly.

"I do."

This isn't the reply I was expecting. I thought for sure that there was no way she'd ever want to go back to that solitary, lonesome life, but I guess I severely underestimated her connection to that patch of woods outside Wall Maria.

Before I can open my mouth to say something else, she quickly interrupts me.

"I presume that is not what you were wishing to hear." She states, turning her head to give me the briefest of glances. "Do not mistake me, I do regret my staying here, but not for the reasons I am sure you are thinking of. I am truly thankful for what I have the opportunity to participate in; to be in the military, for once in my life, I feel as if I have a definite purpose, a motivation for living, and such a thing will never be taken for granted. I love what I am called to do, strain, pain, and grief included, and I would never trade such a valuable prospect for anything."

"However, though I have grown accustomed to this place inside the walls, there just isn't anything here for me. These are just buildings to me, nothing more. I do not even possess a solitary trinket to my name. All that I own and cherish lay stowed away in boxes in the basement of my home, the only place that will ever have worth to me. As much as I love it here, it will never be home. Even now, I yearn for my room, my kitchen, my garden, my forest, everything that is so familiar to me, for they are as much a part of who I am as the skin on my body. Please do not take this in offence, but if I had a choice to either stay here or return home, I would depart in a heartbeat."

Such brutal honesty, but once you get down to it, who am I to blame her? I've never really given it much thought, but now it comes to my attention that this woman has pretty much given up everything so she can stay here. In fact, it was more of a gamble than anything, for no one knew how those initial trials could have turned out. For all anyone knows, she could have just as easily been killed.

Stirring me out of my thoughts, Avian raises a hand and brushes her fingers over the small wooden circle resting against her collarbone.

"Since I am staying here, my necklace is the only thing I have left. It was a gift from my mother; she carved it the day I was born in honor of the tradition that comes from my father's family. In his line, mothers would make a necklace on the day of their female child's birth, carving out a significant word or symbol in honor of the event. I do not know much of the traditions or culture of my father's ancestors, but he made sure that I knew that I am from a long, noble, and lucky bloodline. Celtics I believe is what he said we are, a people whose ancestors originated from a land filled with legend, magic, and an abundance of luck giving plants called shamrocks."

I hide my satisfaction at hearing the melancholy leave her voice, instead replaced with that oddly wistful, airy tone of hers, and it takes notable effort to keep myself stoic and concentrated on finishing the last few stitches on her wound as she explains further.

"As far my own ornament is concerned, the triple spiral my mother engraved is a very prominent symbol for our people. It is a mark of female empowerment as well as a mark for growth and transition. I'm afraid to say that most of its significance is lost upon me due to ignorance, but I know that it held a very special value in my parents eyes, my father especially, so because it was important to them, it is important to me."

"I see…" is all I can come up with in reply, not really knowing what else to say as I tie a knot into the final stitch.

Once secured, I place the soiled needle and remaining thread onto my desk and quickly cover the neatly closed wound with gauze, holding it in place with strips of medical tape. In a few short seconds I finish, gather the rest of the medical supplies into a huddle, and return them to the bathroom without further comment.

As I put them up in their proper places, aside from the blood soaked towel and needle which need to be thoroughly washed and bleached, I catch Avian fixing up her blouse and just the mere sight of it makes my hands itch for a scrubbing brush and detergent. The entire fabric is bright red with blood, and what's worse is that the shirt is light blue in color, so the stains show up in grotesque blotches that are just begging to be cleaned.

"With your permission," Avian states, interrupting my analysis as she finishes buttoning her shirt, "I wish to return to my dorm and fetch an unsoiled top."

I turn a sharp eye to the offending stains, scowling heavily, before returning my gaze to her.

"No. The blood will set before you even make it there. You might be healing, but your leg still makes you slow as hell, and I won't have you track in all that damn snow again." I swiftly retort, to which the woman replies back just as quickly.

"I have nothing else with which to change into, and I will not settle for working in such filthy clothes."

"I thought filth didn't bother you since you seem to wear it and track it all into my office all the damn time."

"You're version of filth and my own are vastly dissimilar." She frowns, "Dirt and the like do not bother me, but bodily fluids are a whole other matter, surely you know this with your unreasonable quirk to fall back upon."

"You obviously don't understand. I won't have you dirty my floors with mud and melted snow just so you can leave a blood stained shirt to be soiled."

"You're floors are already filthy from the inkwell you threw." She retorts back levelly. "And if I am not allowed to leave, then what is it that you wish for me to do?"

I keep my narrow eyes pinned on her, annoyance beginning to pound in my temple. I don't want that limping brat to drag in mud and snow and whatever the hell else, but she's right in that there is nothing else for her to change into. However, a more important matter prickles at me.

'_There is no way in hell I'm letting a perfectly good piece of clothing get ruined.' _I muse, glaring at the offending fabric and feeling my hands begin to itch even more. _'I'm stuck between a rock and a damn, filthy hard place.'_

I'm highly aware that my struggle is, to say the least, pretty childish, but I really don't feel like caring at the moment. I just want things to get clean and freaking stay that way, is that too much to ask? And now that I've made such a huge fuss over it, I will not give that annoying brat the satisfaction of seeing me back down.

Mind cranking to find a solution to my self-imposed dilemma, a sudden thought pops into my head that makes me frown just as much as having the woman leave.

'_But what else is there? At least this way I can make sure all that horrible blood is cleaned off before it sets. But this requires lending out my own belongings… Damn me and my accursed habit!'_

With a barely suppressed sigh, I re-enter the main room, brush past Avian without a single glance or word, and head to the small chest-of-drawers. Once there, I quickly scan through its neatly arranged and perfectly pressed contents before I find what it is I'm looking for.

Giving her no forewarning, I grab one of my older button up shirts that, even though it is much too small, is in too perfect of condition too just throw away, and unceremoniously toss it at Avian's face.

"Wear that." I order curtly, shutting the drawer with a click before turning a bored eye to her surprised face. "What? You've never seen a shirt before? Hurry up and change before the blood sets and I change my mind."

I don't know what has the brat so stunned, and it takes her a second or two to process what I'm saying. Once she does, however, she casts an intrigued eye to me before grasping the shirt in her hands.

"Very well."

Without further instruction, I return to the bathroom as the woman proceeds to change. Not a few seconds later, her arm sticks through the open door, bloodied blouse in hand, and I swiftly take it. Immediately I take to scrubbing every speck of blood with heavy detergent, secretly relieved to find that the fluid has yet to stain the fabric.

Due to the act of washing being very mundane and completely non thought-provoking, I cannot help but look up at the movement just inside my peripheral as the ginger shifts.

I have no idea if it is because she believes that I'll be to engrossed in my work to notice, or she just doesn't care, but I'm caught a bit off guard at the sight of her changing within my line of sight. Just beyond my door beside my desk, Avian stands with her back to me, busying herself with unbuttoning the shirt I gave her.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't stare, because I am; a am male after all, and there are certain things that not even I can keep myself from doing. The funny thing about such a reaction is that, though the primitive male part of me enjoys seeing so much bare skin, the more civilized part of my being is focused on something else.

It isn't as if she isn't covered, for there is a large wrapping of cloth binding the top, feminine portion of her torso, as if I can see anything anyway, but it isn't that or even the sight of such nakedness that holds my attention.

I didn't notice it before due to it being hidden by her blouse, but now that it is gone and the woman stands in the light, a great fault in her anatomy becomes highly apparent. As if to counteract her slight, thin frame, a mark that resembles a single bolt of jagged lightning carves itself from the bottom of her right shoulder, under her chest wrappings, down to the bottom left of her lower back.

In all honesty, I don't think I've ever seen such a large, rugged scar. The old wound is rough, and even from here I can tell that the entire length of it is irregular and uneven with heavy tissue. It is apparent that it is a very old injury that never healed the way it should have, for all along the edges is evidence of strain, and even the scar itself is discolored from where the wound had been reopened multiple times over the course of its healing process. By all accounts and from all the evidence of improper healing, the injury looks as if it was highly painful.

Staring at it and just how starkly it stands out against her otherwise smooth, fair skin, I ponder over just how the woman managed to survive such a grievous wound. It's so large compared to her, it's almost not fair that she had to suffer though such an ordeal.

"It's hideous, isn't it..."

Avian's soft voice breaks me out of my daze and I center my eyes upon the back of her ginger hair. I'm taken aback by the nonchalant tone of her remark, as if she were talking about the weather or mentioning some simple state-of-fact, and say nothing as she turns just enough so she can focus on me from the side of her eye.

"Due to its location, I never could care for it properly." She continues, drawing my shirt over her arms and up her back, hiding the scar from view. "Even while in giant form, my abrasion never did mend the way it should have, thus there were many occasions where it reopened due to strain."

With deliberate meditation, Avian goes quiet as she takes her time buttoning up the white shirt, one fastener at a time.

"I have never seen it," she continues in that same mellow tone, "but I have felt it with my fingers, and all I can surmise is that what decorates my back is a grotesque disfigurement received from a time I would much rather forget."

At first, her comment confuses me. What time is she speaking of? Then I remember that night back in her home after the storm that made titans fall from the sky. I recall most of her story about her past, most vividly the moment where she described where she had been struck down from behind before her initial transformation. With such a realization now that the forefront of my mind, all I can see now is the cutting edge of a blade slicing into her delicate flesh.

For a reason I can't explain, the thought of it makes my fists clench.

Finishing up with buttoning the shirt, Avian turns to me looking very mellow and calm considering the subject of which she is speaking of.

"I'm certain that marks like mine are not uncommon for you and your soldiers due to the threat this line of work entails, but I am fortunate in the fact that such a blemish is hidden from my view. Not being able to see it… makes it easier for me to lock those horrid memories away. I'm thankful for _that_ fateful mercy at least."

I just stare at her blankly and emotionlessly without comment. It's true that most everyone in the Corps has marks commemorating their battle against those giant, foul monsters, but this case is different. In this instance, the trauma was caused by people to a woman who, at the time, was nothing more than a child.

It's strange how over time, I keep finding similarities between the woman and myself. None of them are obvious or shallow, such as what you would find in common personality or traits, but something that runs broader than that, something that makes a deeper connection than trivial quirks and surface appearances.

Unknown to her, I know exactly what Avian must feel like concerning those horrible experiences, as I have had plenty myself. None of my scars are as large as hers, but the events in which I earned them are pretty much the same. The Underground is a hellhole, and it didsn't matter to people if you were just a kid trying to survive as best you could. If you had something, or got caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time, there would be consequences.

If I allow myself to think about it, I can still feel the sting of the cuts and gashes over my body and back from where more than one bastard thought it would be funny to make a child their plaything.

My fists clench tighter.

Sudden movement draws my attention again as Avian adjusts the shirt about her shoulders, the article of clothing easily three sizes too large for her, so it hangs in long, loose curtains about her tiny form in a way that is almost comical.

"I apologize." She states, a tinge of color dawning her cheeks. "I did not mean to bring up such awful subject matter. It seems that I'm a naturally selfish person, as I've only bothered to speak of myself. Please forgive me for hoarding such attention."

"You aren't hoarding attention." I scowl, irritated. "You're just talking, which is fine by me. I could use the distraction…"

"What of you then?"

At her question, I raise a brow, not understanding.

"I apologize if this is out of turn between a soldier and her commanding officer," Avian elaborates, eyes casting themselves down in chagrin, "but I have told you much about myself over these past few weeks, yet, through all that time, I still know next to nothing about you…"

My eyes automatically narrow at her suggestion, though in reality I'm intrigued by the notion and annoyed by it in equal measure. It's true that I have avoided saying anything about myself for I hate people delving into my personal business, but at the same time, I guess it really isn't such a strange thing to ask. What gets me is why the brat even cares about asking such ridiculous questions. It's not like she'll get anything out of me.

Deepening my scowl, I pin her down with a hard stare.

"Why the hell do you want to know about me?"

Avian blinks as if surprised I'd ask such a thing, and stares at me with a mix of confusion.

"Well… because I am curious. Not once have I heard talk of your family or your history, and I wish to know…"

My eyes narrow further.

"Why?"

Avian blinks again.

"Why?" she reiterates. "I'm afraid I don't understand what you are asking."

'_Why do I have to repeat myself so much for this shitty brat to understand me.'_

Growling in annoyance, I start again.

"Why. The. Hell. Do. You. Care. About. Getting. To. Know. Me?" I ask again, much slower and emphasizing every word so the deaf woman can hear.

The look of perplexity never leaves her face.

"I wish to know because I am your friend."

Friend.

What a strange word. I haven't been referred by that since… I don't even remember. In fact, I don't recall _ever _being called that, not even by Isabel and Farlan. The sound of it rings oddly in my ears, and I'm not sure how I feel about such a name. What the hell is she even meaning by that anyway?

"We aren't friends." I spit curtly with more venom than I was expecting.

"How can you say such a thing?" Avian responds, genuinely puzzled. "I thought that was what we were now."

"Is your brain full of shit? Of course not. I'm your commanding officer and your Corporal. Don't come at me with all that friendly bullcrap."

"But what of those instances where we assisted one another. Does that not constitute toward friendship?"

"What the hell are you talking about? When have I ever helped your sorry ass?"

"The day I was notified of Roda's death, for one."

Avian's gaze is steady as she regards me now.

"I have read of many different kinds of relationships and friendships in novels over the years, and in all of them, the most basic, bonding factor is the capability to offer condolence to another person." She explains calmly. "From what I know, ties are forged between people who suffer and heal together, each assisting the other when times of tribulation arise. You have done such a service the day of Roda's death, and now, I would like to believe that I have returned the favor by becoming a listening ear to your distress."

With each word, it looks as if her resolve hardens, but just as I believe the woman will further assert her case, her face falls.

"Or perhaps, I am mislead. Not everything I have learned from literature has coincided with reality in the way that I always believed it would, so I could just as well be making a fool of myself in front of you."

Reddening with embarrassment, the ginger looks away.

"I apologize for bothering you with such a childish request. It seems that there is still much for me to learn about your culture."

With that, Avian turns and gathers my broom from its permanent place in the corner of my office by the closet, along with a dustpan.

"I'll clean up the shattered inkwell." She states flatly, avoiding my gaze.

With nothing more to say, she turns her back to me and busies herself with sweeping up the shards of broken glass from the stone floor.

Nothing else is said after that, an awkward silence yawning between us as we concentrate on our respective chores. As I content myself with scrubbing the fabric of her blouse, and as determined as I am to not acknowledge her presence, I can't help but keep an eye on the woman as she works.

She's humming again, so softly that I can barely hear it, but my keen ears still pick up the light sound. Though I'm drained both physically and emotionally, as well as half annoyed by her insistent, childish questions, as I clean and watch her at the same time, something stirs deep in my chest, an unfamiliar kind of feeling that feels tight yet warm at the same time. It's the most bizarre sensation I've ever experienced, and I'm caught between wanting it to stop, and wondering what exactly this new sensation is.

Whatever it may be, it persists the rest of the day, and further.

…

Avian doesn't ask about personal information again, though it doesn't stop her from rambling on about subjects that interest her, and through it all, I'm half aware of how easy it is to be around her. Sure the brat can talk a lot when she feels like it, and she can never get my coffee right; not to mention she drags damn mud and snow into my office and doesn't feel awful about it all, a trait that pisses me off to no end. Her lack of knowledge about basic things such as how to go through a lunch line, something that took her almost two full weeks to understand, and something as mundane as sending her on errands are cause for extreme headache.

The woman's flaws are endless: she can't navigate the district without becoming helplessly lost and complaining about how all the buildings look the same. She doesn't grasp the concept of money and, even though Hanji does her best to try explain it as simple as she can, the ginger refuses to understand why we trade 'useless' bits of copper and iron for anything. Avian's attempts at cooking are mediocre at best, even with Petra's help, since the only thing the brat knows how to make is damn soup and stew. Her OCD about books has lead her to rearrange all of my bookcases by the book's content and author's last name because 'it is the only proper way to organize tomes' according to her, and she just can't seem to quell her irritation whenever she finds a page folded over or dog-eared.

Even parts of her personality get on my nerves. I just can't stand that meekness and anxiety of hers whenever she's surrounded by five or more people. Her open-to-all kindness has cost me a good sum of money as well when she was duped into giving a 'homeless' man a good handful of my coins while I was busy scanning over brooms, the woman believing that he was truly a helpless soul. I learned real quick to just leave the annoying brat at base whenever I go out on shopping trips or to handle some business.

However, for all her annoying quirks that make me want to straight up punch her in her sing-songy throat, I've come to appreciate her other aspects as well.

It never ceases to amaze me how eloquent her language is, and just how elaborate her mind works in deciphering the world around her. There have been moments where I've thought of her more as a poet than a soldier when she speaks, and though there are times where words seem to just pour out of her mouth, nothing she says is irrelevant.

I've complained about her generosity costing me hard earned salary, but in a way, I've come to appreciate that as well the moment she sacrificed her own jacket to help warm some street urchin boy hiding in an alleyway in the farthest corner of Stohess. Such a charity was done with no hesitation on her part, her stating that the boy needed it more than her. Even though I was intrigued, I still couldn't help being irritated at having to give her my jacket just so I wouldn't feel guilty about ignoring her constant shivering the rest of our walk back to headquarters.

Her singing never stops, no matter what it is that she is doing, be it cleaning, writing, or whatever the hell else I have her do. The majority of the time she contents herself with humming, but there have been rare occasions where I'd caught her singing words under her breath whenever she believed she was truly alone.

Even after she become well enough to return to active duty, Avian still made it a habit to stop by my office whenever she could to assist me. Though our next following missions were heavily labor based in trying to securely solidify both gates leading into and out of Shiganshina so that they would never be breached again, the ginger frequented by to help me with the paperwork, though she must have been as exhausted as I was.

Not only was her determination seemingly unbreakable, so was her optimism. Though, at its core, the mission to retake Shiganshina with the purpose of unlocking whatever had been hidden in Eren's basement was a failure, the woman did well to look at the silver lining. Irritation constantly bubbled underneath the surface since our main goal was thwarted, but it was Avian who helped point out that, even if we didn't find what we were looking for, the expedition was still a success in that territory was taken from the titans for only the second time in our history. It was also she who mentioned the prospect of repopulating the lost district as soon as every titan inside Wall Maria was killed off.

Something about her, be it her easygoing nature, her generosity, her positive outlook on things or whatever, just seems to draw me. I always noticed whenever she entered a room or made a small movement such as brushing the bangs out of her face, and I could hear her voice clearer than anyone else's in a crowded room. Somehow, ever since she saved my life, it's like my body had evolved to hone in on her existence to an annoying degree, and as much as I tried to fight it or ignore it altogether, it never worked.

That weird feeling of tightness and warmth never went away, and almost seemed to worsen whenever she was close or we were alone. It infuriated me to no end because, no matter how much I mulled it over and tried to piece it together, I just couldn't understand why I react in such a way. Whenever the tightness came, it put my thoughts into overdrive and made me want to hit her and not hit her at the same time. I've never met someone who can make me want to hurt them and not hurt them in the same breath. I never knew such a feeling was even possible, but now it persists in me like a virus.

And for a reason I don't understand, it only seems to get _worse._

Even now, it feels me with anger towards myself because I DON'T KNOW WHY.

It wasn't even apparent to me until I got to the point where a drought in paperwork allowed me to actually spend time someplace else aside from my office for twelve hours a day. For the first time in a long while, during a lax of missions in which our main focus is to help fortify the walls with the help of the Garrison, I'm able to commune with the rest of my team down in the mess hall, something I haven't had time to do in months.

It never shows on my face, but it's such a relief after spending so much time in that damn Office Building giving myself blisters from all that shitty paperwork. I never knew how much I missed spending time with my squad, and it pleases me to see everyone in high spirits now that Shiganshina is being primed for repopulation.

Eld and Gunther animatedly talk with an enthusiasm that hasn't been with them since our initial failure, and Oluo is just as brazen and foulmouthed as ever, which is in its own way a good sign. Petra and Eren both remain optimistic and talk excitedly about what it is we will do next, even when Hanji sometimes barges into the conversation in that abrupt, annoying way of hers to tell us about some new experimental ideas she's come up with.

And Avian, well… She acts just the same as she had before.

Once she feels comfortable around people, laughter and smile come easy to her, and she is always eager to listen to whatever stories are being told. Her blue eyes are bright again, and perhaps it is only me who notices this, but she looks as if she almost glows in the amber torch light of the cafeteria, radiating a contagious joyfulness that only comes to her when she isn't haunted by the pain and death that litters the battlefield.

In fact, that contagious joy has earned her a few relationships outside her little circle with my group.

During dinner, she'll sit with some of the 104th trainees, and I'll watch her as she converses with them in a sort of familiarity I never knew existed between them before. Eren is an obvious close friend, he always had been, and because of that, it seems that his classmates Mikasa and Armin have taken to liking the woman as well, Arlert more so than Ackerman, as I've seen the ginger and blond speak in hushed voices over books, both looking very excited at whatever they are discussing.

The troublemakers Sasha Blouse and Connie Springer seem to have taken a liking to her as well, as they too, have been frequently spotted by me talking to the woman in the stables or out in the training yard, the two younger imbeciles showing her their signature 'fighting stances' if such unpolished atrocities can be called such a thing. At least I was given the satisfaction of seeing them loose feeling in both their arms the first time Avian decided to show them the fighting style I taught her long ago.

Aside from those few people, no one else seems to stand out as being close to her. That is until one night when dinner ran much later than usual, and a certain 'minor annoyance' made himself known to me by taking a confident seat beside Avian at the 104th table, a little closer than I would have liked.

This 'minor annoyance' made it very clear that his friendship with the ginger is of a different cut, and though I really have no reason too, I feel highly irritated by his existence and persistence with taking up Avian's attention with jokes and smiles.

Much to my displeasure, the 'minor annoyance' is none other than the man named James Tucker, the very same man who alerted me to Avian's capture all those months ago, then came back again after giving the woman thanks for saving his life at Wall Rose.

For a reason I don't understand, just the mere sight of him making easy conversation with the woman who saved my life pisses me off, and with no real explanation as to why, I can't stand him.

I've never even had a full conversation with the young, inexperienced, brown haired asshole, but even with such limited interaction, I'm highly aware of one thing and one thing only.

I hate his guts.

***Author's Note***

First off, I cannot even begin to apologize to you guys for being a full week late with this chapter. It was not my intention, but I've been so busy with school and work that I could cry, and I truly feel awful for making you guys wait so long for an update. Please forgive me! *bows*

Anyway, it's kind of a shocker to hear that the basement of Eren's house has been empty this entire time. I wonder why? Perhaps it has something to do with Annie, Bertolt, and Reiner? Or is it someone else? Did Grisha make a last minute decision and hide whatever it was down there? Who knows… but maybe we will get there soon. *crosses fingers*

And just to throw this out there… I had to split this monster of a chapter into two parts because it was over 20,000 words put together so…. That's why I published this the way I did xD Once again my chapters are far longer than I intended…

As always, I shall now respond to some lovely reviews left by you amazing people *highfives*

**AliLaShae- **I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed reading about Levi and Avian's developing relationship! I sure hope you enjoyed this long-winded chapter as well! Rest assured though, that other characters will make a showing in the next chapters, but I personally enjoyed writing the past two installments with just those two. We learned lots of information this chappy, ha!

It's due to my poor writing skills, but rest assured that Avian DID have a strong bond with her brothers, and the whole deal about her lying is actually based off a minor problem I had when I was younger where, in order to earn more affection and seem better than I was, I would make up events and lie to my parents just so I could get more attention. I grew out of that VERY quick, but it's a very interesting place to be in when you love someone so much and want all their attention, but the only way you can figure out how to get it is either get in trouble on purpose, or make up elaborate tales to earn affection. It's strange, trust me xD

As far as where Avian's family comes from, all of that will be explained much later as part of the plot, along with more tidbits of back-story and the like. I know it's a lot to ask, but try to be patient. We are getting there I promise! :D

And THANKS TO YOUR FREAKISHLY ADORABLE HEAD CANNON I NOW CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT LEVI COUNTING HER FRECKLES. It's just so adorable I squeal at my own ship *fangirls* xD

**Imafangirlforever: **I'm glad you liked the little bit of adorable nonfluffy fluff xD And I'm sorry to say but… Levi is about as oblivious as a guy can get, almost (aside from maybe Eren because the poor kid doesn't seem to notice that most everyone in his class has a crush on him according to the SnK fanbase *dies*)

And never feel like you repeat yourself or ramble. I LOVE rambling! So if you feel the need to ramble, do it! I love reading how people freak-out and want to say so much but don't know how to say it in a precise manner so they just go on and on and on with seemingly no end and it's freaking HILARIOUS.

**Sayuriameyo: **I practically weep every time you leave a review. They are so detailed and long that I just flip out because these are the kinds of things us writers need to keep us inspired and motivated to write. But anywho, let's get on with this *slaps on thinking cap*.

The fight scene, and the Levi rescue scene were both parts of the fic that I just couldn't wait to get too, even from the very beginning, I was just like 'Damn it I need to write more because I want to get to these parts because they are just so awesome and I can't wait that long uggh!'. Or something like that xD In all honesty, I respect Avian's determination as well. I would have never had the courage to speak up like that to Heichou, and though I think I'd still do my best to try and save him even after a fight like that, it still amazes me. Like I say all the time, my original characters tend to get a life of their own, so I'm just as surprised by some of their actions as you guys are.

I'm sorry I broke your heart with Chapter 19 with the whole mission failing, but it just had to be done. I hate to say it, but the Recon Corps don't have a very strong win record, and since they successfully sealed the breach in Wall Rose, there was bound to be more failure along the way. As much as I would love to have most every mission be a success, it just wouldn't work, and such a thing isn't realistic to the SnK universe which makes me want to cry *silently pretends the whole Female Titan arc never happened* I'm just glad that what I write comes as a surprise to you, since a big part of this whole thing is to break the norm and try to be as unpredictable as possible. So I hope I'm succeeding so far C:

I'm also glad to hear that someone out there loves reading Levi's monologues as much as I love writing them. Most of it isn't planned ahead, and words just spill out on the fly in the middle of writing, so all that 'beautifully written' stuff is purely off the top of my head and in the moment. I personally love writing them out as it helps me understand Levi as a character as well, since he is a complex guy, and I have always loved trying to get into the heads of 'serious/bad boy/lone wolf' type characters. If it makes you feel any better, there are more monologues to come! Buhahahaha!

Also, I have no idea how you can call the flow of their conversation perfect because I freaking hate writing out conversations because they always turn out so choppy and awkward and it kills me with it's terrible pacing oAo But aside from that, yeah…. Heichou needs to work on his social skills (he's working on that xD). And your explanation makes perfect sense. Even life in the real world is full of tragedy and heartbreak, so I try to include a good deal of that into the fic in a way that isn't meaningless drama or stuff like that. If there is going to be conflict, most all of it will be relevant in a way, such as developing character relationships, hurhur o3o

YES. AFTER ALMOST TWENTY CHAPTERS CAPTIAN LEVI FINALLY STARTS TO SHOW SOME SENSE. PRAISE WALL SINA *temporarily joins Wall Cult* Ahem… it's true that it's about damn time lol. I always have to remember that he is a very hardened man, so any drastic change is going to take time, so I hope I pulled that off well. You can rest assured that things will steadily pick up steam from this point on, so hold on to your pants, though his terrible manners may need extra time to be fixed, as well as his apologizing skills xD

I'm exactly the same way with having to wait for Season two and ONCE A DAMN MONTH UPDATES TO THE MANGA OMG IT'S SO SLOW I COULD CRY OAO. I just have to wait until December 19th them the first of the OVA 'A Choice With no Regrets' airs *inner fangirling* WE FINALLY GET TO SEE THAT HEICHOU ACTUALLY HAS A NECK BAHAHAHA!

And I thank you for the compliment on the cover art! It was made by the wonderful katialynne, and if I'm not mistaken, the program she used didn't have the exact hair color Avian has (that sort of deep ginger she has in her ref pic), so that is why it's so red, which is just as well since Avian as originally a red-head when the idea for this fic first came to mind. *shooting star* THE MORE YOU KNOW *shooting star*

Thank you all for your lovely reviews, and just as a heads up, the first chapter to my side fic 'Bird's Eye View' is now up if you haven't seen it yet. The style and quality of that fiction is different from this since it is mostly a bunch of drabbles that will be updated randomly, so I apologize if the writing there is not up to par. A good part writing it in the first place was purely for my own satisfaction, though I hope you guys enjoy it as well if you wish to read.

As always, please leave your thoughts and comments in a review and I'lll see you all again next chapter!

-Ambi

P.S. The song Avian sings in this portion of the chapter is a Manx lullaby called 'Hush Thee my Dove', to which I will post a link to on my profile. To my knowledge, there are two versions of lyrics, and though the one I used for this fic is different and less popular than the one used in the video, I felt that this version fit better. I'm also a bit bias since this is my favorite lullaby and the set of lyrics seen here is the first version I heard.


	22. Rival

Chapter 21:

**Rival**

Livid irritation. That one emotion is my new constant companion.

Where does such a thing even come from? It's ridiculous, but here it is again, plaguing my being and making acid rise in my throat as if I've spied some disgusting scene. But really, I guess I have, for before me is truly a sight that burns me for a reason I can't explain.

It's been many months now since we reached Shiganshina back in February, and progress has been steady. The Corps has been busy with scouring the vast land in between walls Maria and Rose in search of titans to kill off in the hopes to make the farmland habitable again. During that time, work has not ceased. In fact, I'm busier than ever, but it is neither the workload or the stress of missions that has had me on edge.

No… the reason for THIS particular displeasure is of a whole other matter…

I can do nothing but scowl at the scene before me as I stare out my office window, determined to cut through the glass with my gaze. I have no understanding as to why I'm so agitated, but I really don't care.

With a sinister scoff, my eye narrows as I watch a particular woman run a delicate hand through the gray mane of her mountain of a stallion in the far distance near the stables. Due to the growing spring warmth and light of early May, it is easy to spot her child-sized form even from this distance. For a moment, it is only her as she tends to her horse as she always does, then from the shadows of the stables carrying a bucket that is full to the brim with feed, James comes into the light.

Just the mere sight of him makes me growl with extreme distaste, and that feeling only further escalates as the brown haired moron sweeps his way around the horse and stops by Avian. He says something to her which makes her break out into a bright smile and soon they are speaking animatedly and with an ease that I find disturbing.

Just when the hell did this happen? Last I remember the woman is a socially awkward titan freak that next to no one speaks with. Since when did she start making friends outside of my squad? Have I really been that oblivious? It's ridiculous.

'_Why the hell do I even care?' _I muse darkly to myself, watching the pair converse many meters away. _'Conner's relationships are none of my business, and I don't have time to sit here and mull over the social standing of my subordinates.'_

But even when I think that, my legs do not move and my eyes never stray from the man and woman, though their interaction is nothing out of the ordinary.

A part of me feels like a damn creeper, spying on them like some weird lowlife. I have shit to do, but I find it difficult to deter my mind from what I know to be happening below. Never have I been so easily distracted, and I'm infuriated with myself for that. Where is my discipline? Conner has a few friends outside of Petra and Eren, so what? Why the hell does this bother me so much?

'_I'm acting like a damn brat myself. How disgraceful.'_

There are no words to describe my irritation, and it takes a great deal of effort to finally force myself to look away from the window. As luck would have it, however, just as my gaze veers away, movement catches my eye and I stop dead.

For the past few moments, Avian had contented herself with climbing the wooden fence in order to retrieve a pair of stirrups from a nail directly above her head. Due to her being vertically challenged, they are very much out of her reach, and also due to her being a stubborn ass of a woman, instead of asking for help from that no good cadet she is with, she makes her way up the wooden stable by herself. Even with the added height, it seems the leather straps still attached to the stirrups have become caught on the nail, and no matter how hard she tugs in all different directions, they just don't budge. Just as I had turned my eyes away, I barely saw where Avian makes a great tug, a tug strong enough to were, not only did the stirrups come loose, but in the process the idiot loses her footing.

My eyes snap as she falls backward, and I fully expect for her to crash into the ground onto her back, but instead, a muscular body appears and all I see is James reaching out before Avian lands on him, sending them both to the ground.

It was an innocent mistake on the gingers part, and the male recruit only wished to help cushion her fall I'm sure, but that doesn't stop me from glaring down on them as an unfamiliar burning sears my chest when I see that bastard's arms wrapped around the woman from where he had caught her. For a moment, I only watch as the two stare at each other for a split second, then James' mouth moves, probably asking if she is okay, to which the woman nods. It seems like they stay like that for way longer than they should have, with James on the ground and Avian on top of him, and I'm barely aware of the clenching of my fist as he helps her stand again.

I do not miss how his hand grazes the small of her back.

'_That does it.'_

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm out the door and down the stairs, my steps echoing loudly off the stone walls. Rounding a corner, I nearly shoulder Gunther who has his arms full with his gear.

"S… sorry Corporal." He mutters apologetically to me, but I ignore him.

I'm only aware of that annoying burning itching deep within me, something I've never felt before, and though the older man calls out my name out of concern as I leave, I do not turn to him, and promptly shut the front door hard behind me as I exit.

Outside the compound, there are loads of activity and soldiers milling around the brightly light courtyard, everyone in the entire Corps enjoying the fullness of spring. I'm vaguely aware of the rest of my squad tending to their 3DMG on a table in the shadows, all their eyes honing in on me in curiosity before I turn my back to them and make my way to the stables.

"It's odd seeing you out here in the sunshine Levi! I figured you'd spend all your time cooped up in that stuffy office of yours!" a high pitched, highly annoying voice announces with glee behind me before a stern arm drapes itself over my shoulders from behind.

Almost instantly, I swiftly dislodge the appendage from my person with a strong flick of my arm and give a heated glare to Hanji, who isn't fazed by my action's in the least.

"Whoa! Slow down there Shorty! You're in more of a pissy mood than usual, what's up?"

"I don't feel like listening to your annoying mouth, shitty glasses." Is my only quick retort, not stopping as I round the corner and the stables come into full view in the distance.

"Oh don't be like that!" the scientist insists, following me with a great grin. "Did SOMEBODY use up all your lavender scented bleach again?"

I opt to blatantly ignore her in the hopes that she'll go away, but luck just isn't on my side today.

"Not that, eh? OH, I KNOW! Eren forgot to do his chores again and you're going to get a bucket of horse crap to dump on him as punishment!"

'_What would it take to make this woman just LEAVE ME ALONE. Although the horse shit idea isn't half bad… I wonder how soon I can use such a disgusting punishment on that filthy recruit Tucker…'_

Suddenly I look forward to seeing that smug man's face, and as if to grant my wish, I spot him in the distance, busy with scrubbing a water trough while Avian stands behind him cleaning the stirrups she nearly broke her neck trying to get.

Hanji must have stopped following me, because she says nothing more as I near the two cadets, and when I draw near, both look up and in unison, stand and salute me.

"Corporal!" James states solidly, fist over his chest.

My scowl hardens at his greeting, and instead of acknowledging him, I turn my eyes to the woman behind him.

"Conner, my office. Now."

Confusion colors her features as she relaxes from her salute and grabs up her polishing rag.

"I have not completed stable duty yet." She states simply, "May I finish this first?"

"No."

"But Commander Erwin said…"

"I don't care what Erwin told you." I interrupt bluntly, glaring at her. "I ordered you to come to my office."

Avian returns my glare with a steady look of her own.

"Who shall finish this chore then, if not I?"

"You got Stable Boy here, don't you?"I mock coldly, sliding my cold gaze to the brown haired youth who shifts, raising a brow in question. "He can finish were you leave off."

"But we still have over fifty horses to tend to."

"Then he'll be busy doing actual work instead of playing idiotic catch games with you." I retort flatly, to which Avian frowns. "It's too bad you didn't fall and bust your useless head on the ground. Maybe then you'd get some sense knocked into you and you'd do what you're ordered the first time instead of arguing. Now I'll say it again: Come to my office. NOW."

With a sidelong glance to James, Avian finally relents and places her cloth and leather on the fence with a muted sigh before walking over to me. Satisfied, I briskly turn to lead us back the way we had come, but not after I catch the shitty brat mouthing something along the lines of 'Sorry' to the man as we depart.

I decide to let that one go, for the moment, and neither of us say anything as I lead her back into the building, up the stairs, down the hall, and finally into my office.

"Shut the door." I order curtly as we enter, and the woman obeys without word.

Only once the door clicks to I turn and level a hard stare at her.

"Just what were you doing out there, Conner?"

Avian's brows knit at my question, something that only irritates me further, and she answers a bit hesitantly.

"I was tending the horses…"

"Not from what I saw."

At this, the ginger blinks, questioning.

"What did you see, then?"

"You and that Tucker brat goofing off as usual, what else." I spit with a lot more venom than I expected, but such a thing can't be helped.

Ever since securing Shiganshina, it seems all this woman ever does now is play hooky with that disgrace of a soldier. When she isn't helping me, she is with that brown haired nuisance doing whatever the hell they feel like. I don't know what changed in the time between our fight on New Years and this February, but Avian has taken to hanging out with Tucker and his band of misfits with the 104th Trainees instead of Petra and the rest of my squad as she used to do. Granted, no one seems to mind her shift in company except me, and since no one has bothered to point it out before for some unexplainable reason, it has only been recently that I finally started to notice just how much time the two dimwits were spending together.

Hardening her face even more, Avian holds my glare with a steady gaze.

"We do not 'goof off'." She states simply. "My attendance to your office and my level of tasks has not lessened, nor has my quality of work diminished. I fail to understand where it is that my performance has slackened."

If I allowed myself to think levelly and objectively, I would realize that what she says is right; she hasn't foregone her chores, nor has she become lax in how quickly she accomplishes said chores. But I don't feel like being objective and fair, so instead of relenting, I content to narrow my gaze even further.

"If you have enough time to chit-chat, then you aren't working hard enough." I eventually reply tightly and unrelenting.

Without waiting for her to reply, I turn away and head back to my desk, motioning to the room around me with a lazy arm.

"My office needs to be cleaned again anyway. There's a damn cobweb forming in the top right corner of the ceiling. Get it down along with all the others that must be forming around here." I order, taking up my quill as I sit down in my chair.

I keep my eyes carefully centered on the reports under my hands, but I do not miss the slightly exasperated flick of her hands as Avian lets out a barely perceptible sigh and sets to work digging out the broom and duster that is always present in my closet.

Silence permeates the room the entire time both of us work; I with my numerous reports that I have to slug through and read, and her with cleaning every inch of my office until it sparkles. The atmosphere isn't hostile, but there is a kind of distance, a weight, that hangs on thin wires that neither of us are willing to touch.

And so it is in this quiet manner that the next few hours pass. Luckily, that brown haired, snot nosed brat doesn't show up, but it isn't long before the sun sets and the ache of hunger calls both of us into the cafeteria.

As always, the moment she enters, Avian heads straight to the trainee table. Even with my eyes hot upon her back, she doesn't turn and swiftly takes a seat next to Eren while I take my own a few tables away where most of my squad waits.

"Good evening Corporal." Gunther states as I sit, wearing a perceptibly awkward look about him. "Sorry about earlier. I didn't see you coming down the stairs."

I reply without giving him much of a look.

"Your fine."

Beside me Eld shifts, drawing my attention from the woman, and I cast my eyes to the blonde's steady gaze.

"Is everything alright?" he asks softly, watching me.

I make sure to keep my face carefully neutral and bored.

"If you call being swamped up to my damn neck in paperwork 'alright'." I answer shortly. "I don't know how many times I can complain about the level of shit those pigs behind Sina send for us to do. If they want records and step by step reports on how the progress to completely quarantine the farmlands is going, they can get off their lazy asses and see for themselves instead of making us write all that shit down."

"You're right about that." Gunther nods, leaning back in his chair as Oluo makes a disapproving grunt beside him.

"Never knew how much work went into doing all that stuff until I had my own squad for the whole 'outpost mission' thing a few months back." He growls through a heavy scowl. "I gotta tell you, all that is a load of shit that I'm glad to be out of. I got heaps of new respect for you, Corporal, for putting up with all that. That's for damn sure."

"Same here." Gunther sighs, running a hand through his hair. "It was kind of ridiculous, and I'm pretty glad it was only temporary. I'm not looking for a promotion anytime soon."

Even through my irritation and distracted mind, I'm a bit pleased to hear their praise. It hasn't been much, but ever since that ginger woman make it known to me, over time I've tried to show at least a little more appreciation toward these guys. Granted, it's been sparse and highly underwhelming, but I'm not one to delve out emotions, and I never said I'd work out a miracle.

"Thanks." Is the best answer I can give, but such a lack luster reply doesn't seem to affect them, and they go about their conversation just as before.

I'd like to fully concentrate on their discussion, but such a thing only works if the object of my distraction isn't present. So instead of having all my attention focused on what is happening directly across from me, my ears and eyes automatically hone in on the soft voice or subtle movement of the woman a few tables away.

No matter how I try to push the irritating brat out of my mind, all she has to do is laugh, or wave her hands, or something simple like that, and she's the center of my focus again.

Why the hell does this keep happening!? It first started after that incident where she saved my life and it hasn't stopped. It's driving me up a damn wall, and the worst part is, it's only gotten _worse _since then. Every noise, every movement, no matter how small… all of it is like on some kind of sensor that forces me to take notice of her existence even if I don't want too. It's infuriating.

And the damn Stable boy doesn't help either.

With a scowl, my head swivels at the sound of the mess hall doors closing and speak of the devil, my 'minor annoyance' steps in, looking highly disheveled and worn out much to my satisfaction. Feet dragging as if weighing a hundred pounds, he makes his way to his table and takes his customary spot by Avian, who instantly leans in to say something to him.

James shakes his head at her words and brushes her off, but it doesn't stop him from leaning back and casting a gleaming eye at her as he says something in return.

The whole exchange makes me tense my fists.

"You… sure you're okay, Corporal?"

Eld's voice brings me out of fixation and I throw a heated glare at him.

"I'm fine." I spit a lot harder than I intend, forcing my eyes away from him and lean back. "Go get me some coffee. I'm about to snap someone's neck."

The man nods without a word and hastily leaves. Thankfully, neither Gunther or Oluo ball up the courage to do more than cast curious glances at me, to which I ignore, and go about their conversation.

No one bothers me after that as Eld eventually comes back and we all sit down to eat. What gets me, though, is that none of it seems to sit the right way; every time I hear that chiming laugh, or a see a swish of that ginger hair, my stomach seems to give an almost imperceptible twinge, something that has only grown worse over time.

Even when I try my hardest, I can't help but cast glares at the trainee table from my place several meters away, and I scowl at all of them. Those brats have way too much time on their hands to be acting up and making fools of themselves like they are doing now. That retard Connie Springer is in the middle of telling some story and currently has two stalks of celery sticking up out of his bottom jaw like green tusks with his idiotic friend Sasha adding more drama by using the sharpened end of a half-eaten carrot to 'spear' him in the neck whilst yelling something about a colossal boar.

They are all filthy, uneducated, unrefined monsters, and the worst part of is all is seeing Avian with them beside that bastard of a recruit, laughing and smiling at all their antics as if it's actually funny.

"Oi!"

At my stark voice, the trainees all turn and each of their eyes widen to find my icy glare stabbing through their bodies with chilling anger.

"If you dumbass little shits are more concerned with playing than eating, then you must not have worked hard enough today." I growl to them so darkly most all of them flinch. "Luckily for you, you're all under my command tomorrow. This entire building is filthy, so you better be ready to work your asses off, because none of you will have any skin left on your hands by the time I'm finished with you."

Their faces fall, and I can just barely hear that shit-head James mutter something under his breath to the ginger beside him.

"Damn it… Last thing I want to do is clean for that heartless, midget bastard…" he whispers to her.

Much to my satisfaction, Avian doesn't reply and she is just as surprised as everyone else as I make my way over to them and grab up James by the collar of his shirt, raising the much taller man out of his chair.

"You especially…" I sneer darkly at him, and I find great pleasure is watching him squirm in my grip. "You're too cocky for some lowlife cadet; bad mouthing your superior like that when he can hear? You're as stupid as you look."

Before he can reply, I roughly shove him back in his seat.

"Corporal."

At her voice, I turn my icy eyes to Avian who now stands and watches me with a look in between obedience and defiance, as if debating on what course of action to take. I hold her gaze with my own.

"And you are just as shitty, seeing from the company you keep." I state harshly. "Seeing as how you goofed off earlier today with your simple chores, you're going to be under my _personal _watch so I can make sure you don't jack around."

"For the last time, we were _not _slacking in our work." She retorts with a frown.

"If you have enough time to laugh and joke around, then that is a sign you aren't working hard enough." I reply just as sharply. "My discipline with you has slackened it seems. I'll make a mental note to fix that. You may be with Gauche's squad, but you're still my responsibility as far as the higher ups are concerned, and there is no way a shitty brat like you is going to usurp me."

Before she can reply, I turn on my heel and cast a final glare over my shoulder to the trainees, that idiot Connie still staring at me with those blasted celery in his mouth.

"And all you brats better be ready to work by six tomorrow. We got a shit ton to do, and I don't have time to waste on your lazy asses sleeping in."

With that, I leave them and return to my seat, irritation itching in my core. I had been so focused on berating those good-for-nothing recruits that I never even noticed when Petra walked in, but she's smart enough to keep her mouth shut from where she had taken a seat beside Oluo, and she barely glances at me as I sit down before she turns away, obviously highly aware of my foul mood.

Nothing is said thereafter, but every now and again I'll feel a particular pair of blue eyes on me, watching, and just for the hell of it, I return the glare. Over the expanse of the tables, neither Avian nor I make a sound, but that is not even close to the end of the growing tension between us concerning that brunette boy.

* * *

"You call this clean? Not even starving pigs would eat off this floor. Do it again."

"Y… yes, sir!"

Shaking like a damn leaf, Eren hastily scurries away and takes up his bucket of suds and a brush to scrub the floor once again, carefully keeping his back to me.

'_At this rate, we'll never get this entire building finished.'_

Grumbling, I continue my rounds about the Corps' sleeping quarters, casting a condescending glance at every cadet at work, frowning heavily at their terrible abilities. The floors are still coated in grime from where Eren, Armin, and Jean failed to scrub properly, the windows need to be wiped down a third time since Mikasa and Ymir would obviously rather do a half assed job than get things done right the first time. Krista, Connie, and Sasha are positively the worst dusters I have ever seen, especially the two knuckle headed retards who find it more productive to leave their own groups to come together and draw pictures in the dust instead of working.

"Get back to work, shit-heads!"

Sasha lets out a yelp at my booming voice and jumps up from where she and Connie had been making mazes in the dust covering a table. Both of them quiver in fear as I near them and it takes ever bit of self control I have to not lash out and choke them both.

"Did I stutter!?" I state harshly and shove their rags into their faces. "If every piece of furniture isn't gleaming to the point where I can see my reflection by the time I come back up here, both of you will run laps around this building while carrying every chair in this damn place on your backs until your legs break and give out. Do you understand me?"

"YES, SIR!"

I don't even spare a glance at Krista as both Sasha and Connie fly out of the room, too irritated to speak, and leave her to it as I make my way down stairs to check up on the other useless shits working. It's already noon and we aren't even half way done.

'_I'll have them all forgo dinner if they keep this up.'_

Seething, I descend the stone stairs to the first floor and find it to be completely empty. Instantly, my irritation skyrockets, because I know who is supposed to be down here. But even as I make my way around the floor I know my search will be in vain. Not a single soul is here besides me.

Granted, the entire floor is the only place that is up to my level of satisfaction as not a single speck of dirt or stray cobweb can be seen, and everything from the floors to the walls practically sparkles in the growing afternoon light.

But possibly for the first time I can ever recall, a well kept and cleaned room does not help to sooth my foul attitude. There is only one person in the entire Corps who is able to meet my extreme level of cleanliness, and she idiot is nowhere to be found.

'_That damn shitty brat.'_

I'm so aggravated that I nearly run into someone, this time Jax, as I make my way upstairs, a trend I've recently developed thanks to a particular duo, and wouldn't you know it, just as I reach the top floor who do I see but the shitty duo themselves working together to clean up the upper floor bathrooms.

They're so engrossed in their work that neither of them notice me until I'm right on top of them.

"What the hell are you doing up here Conner?"

Both she and Tucker jump at my sudden appearance, and in her usual skittish way, Avian's hand flies up to clutch the necklace hidden under my stark white cleaning handkerchief wrapped around her neck, then let's go when she sees it's only me. Without missing a beat, the ginger purses her lips.

"I finished with my portion of the chores, so I decided to help James with his."

"I don't recall telling you that you were finished." I answer her with a scowl, not even bothering to acknowledge the brown haired boy's existence.

"I wasn't aware that I needed approval to assist someone."

"Well that's what you get for assuming. Now get your ass back downstairs and show me your progress if you're so confident in your work. I have half a mind to punish you for disobeying my orders."

"Hey, she didn't disobey. Just chill out, alright."

My gaze hardens dangerously, and as much as I loathe too, I force myself to look at James who has taken quite the confident step forward.

"She was just helping me." He continues strongly, and I absolutely hate the fact that I have to look _up _at this bastard. "What's the problem?"

My eyes turn so icy that the larger man almost wavers under my gaze.

"Defiant, annoying, over-confident shits like you two are my problem." I spit at him. "Standing up to your superior again, Tucker? You're head is just chockfull of the shit I'm ordering you to clean, now isn't it? I'd blame your pissy conduct on too much bleach burning your brain, but you don't have one."

"Corporal!"

Just as the night before, Avian stops me with a hard gaze and tight mouth.

"We are just doing as you asked us to do." She states, to which I swiftly retort.

"No you aren't. If you were doing as I asked, then you would be downstairs like I just damn well told you to do."

I hate the way she glares at me when I say that, but I very much don't care at this point. All I want is for her and Tucker to stay away from each other just as I had them this morning.

The atmosphere is tense and heavy in silence, and when no one moves, my frustration only grows.

"Well?" I growl, urging the woman out of her stoic stance and, with enough glaring from me, she finally moves past me and her steps softly begin to scale down the stairs behind me.

My eyes never leave James as the echoing steps eventually fall silent, and after a minute or so of waiting, I shift.

"That goes for you too, asshat. Quit staring at me like the dumbass you are and get back to work."

Possibly for the first time in his life, the idiot actually does the smart thing and obeys, swiftly turning to disappear back into the bathroom he had been working on. Once he is there, I finally deem it okay to leave, but before I do, I throw one last comment over my shoulder.

"If that crapper isn't cleaned to my satisfaction, I'm going to make you eat out of it."

The bastard doesn't say anything in reply as I head back down, but I do hear the sound of scrubbing get abruptly more intense.

* * *

"I will NOT participate in these awful exercises!"

"Quit being a pussy and fight back."

"You can't make me, Zaji. You know how much I hate getting dirty and sweaty…"

"Oh really? I've heard your talk and , trust me, you're a _very_ dirty woman..."

"You bastard! I am not!"

"Could have fooled me, doucheface. You must view yourself as a saint if you believe that shit."

"ZAJI!"

With a grating screech that pierces the ears, I watch as Niche finally gets tired of listening to Zaji's smack talk and lunges at him with a swift right hook. At her attack, the black haired man merely smirks and dodges, landing a rough elbow to the woman's ribs and throws her down with a hard thud.

"Is that really all you got? How disappointing. So much fire for a pretty little bitch but nothing to show for it." He taunts in that extreme vulgar way of his, crossing his arms as he watches the fuming woman in his sights as she stands and brushes a very long strand of blond hair behind her ear.

"You're a shit-faced cunt you know that Zaji!" she shrieks again, absolutely livid with anger, and lunges at him again.

From there the two crude soldiers duke it out, their level of intensity far above what should be acceptable for a simple Recon Corps training day, but I don't feel the need to stop them. They were always a fiery duo, constantly at each other's throats, but there really isn't much danger in either of them outright killing each other. Even to me, their relationship is no secret when the two suddenly disappear off the face of the planet then miraculously reappear together late in the night or early in the morning from the direction of the woods, both looking a little flustered.

Leaving them with a scoff, I continue my rounds around the training field, sharp gray eyes piercing every pair of cadets as they lunge, strike, and block.

For the first time in what seems like ages, the entire Corps has come together for a mutual training day to hone our skills and commune together. Today, we are practicing sparring, and since I'm a ranking officer, I am free to forego such training, as if I even need it.

Aside from me and the few others such as Hanji, Moblit, and Mike for example, every other soldier is out here testing their skills: Oluo is up against an unfamiliar man near the back, Eld with a woman, Gunther and Petra are deadlocked near the middle with neither of them looking as if they are giving up.

As I make my way slowly around the fighting pairs with my arms crossed and my uniform scowl in place, my eyes cut through the small group where the trainees are sparring. Thankfully, the idiots Connie and Sasha must have learned their lesson the other day, as both are actually being some-what serious with their training, though it helps that I made damn sure that the two were separated.

A yelp draws my attention from where, once again, Armin is thrown to the ground with Jean standing triumphantly above him.

"Sorry 'bout that. Didn't think I was gonna topple you so hard." The horse face apologizes and offers a hand.

"It's fine." Armin replies simply, taking the boy's hand and stands. "I'm just not cut out for this like you are."

"Oh don't say that. You survived training and you joined the Recon Corps with the rest of us. You talk yourself down too much."

"I just know what my limits are Jean. I'm a thinker, not a fighter." Armin insists again, but a small smile colors his face. "Not like Mikasa over there. I'm surprised they are having her fight with us."

"Same here." Jean replies as both boys turn their gazes to the young woman in question just as she effortlessly trumps a familiar brown haired bastard, throwing him onto his back with a simple twist of her arm and leaves him there with his ass in the air.

"That's five times in a row that she got him." Jean laughs as James lets out a groan, falling to his side so he can stand again.

Armin nods, a contemplating look coming over his features.

"I know… Usually they pair up partners depending on skill level, but I don't know what happened with those two. Mikasa is way too skilled to be with him."

"Who was it that organized the pairs then? Hanji?"

Armin shakes his head at Jean's question.

"I don't think so. She did it last time, and you remember what happened…"

"Oh yeah… I almost forgot about that whole 'Recon Corps Gladiator Royal' thing she forced us to do."

Both cadets shiver at the memory, and even I can't help but growl at it.

'_How shitty glasses managed to trap nearly three hundred people into a corral and forced them to fight for their lives barehanded against an entire herd of angry bulls, I'll never know.'_

Shaking the memory away, I turn my attention back to the group of cadets as they continue with their sparring.

"Well if it wasn't Hanji, then who?" Jean persists, taking up a fighting stance again.

"I don't know, but if I had to guess, probably Corporal Levi." Armin answers curtly, raising his own arms in a pathetic stance.

"Corporal? What makes you say that? The guy probably hates doing all that unnecessary work."

"I say that because he's the one supervising us right over there."

Together, the young boys turn to glance at me, and both jump when they see me already glaring heat at them. With renewed vigor, they swiftly return to their training, not wishing to be chewed out for slacking off.

'_Serves them right.' _I muse with a sort of shadowed amusement, but that amusement does not stay long, however, as a new problem develops right under my watch.

"You'll never overcome her with that style." A familiar voice chimes as Avian stops her sparring with Eren to glance at James, an act that has me locked on to her with great fever.

Even though both shifters where SUPPOSED to be on the other side of the damn field so Conner and Tucker would be apart, it seems that Avian is determined to disobey every order I give her, much to my growing aggravation.

"She is far swifter than you," Avian continues honestly as she goes to stand by the much taller male and maneuvers his arms up vertically in front of his body.

"Try bearing yourself like this, and instead of trying to match her speed or overpower her, use your greater size to your advantage and defend until an opening presents itself."

At her instruction, James changes his stance at her soft touch, causing my fists to clench involuntarily.

"Like this?" he replies, mirroring her and grinning with a little more confidence than he probably should.

"Yes, just like that." Avian smiles at him.

James blinks in reply.

"Where did you learn to fight like this?" he asks curiously, throwing out a few test jabs into the air.

"Corporal taught me." She replies, and for some reason James seems to find that fact funny, for he lets out a quick, sharp laugh.

"That midget taught you this? I'm surprised the guy even knows how, it's not like he's a big dude or anything…"

That poorly hidden comment has no problem reaching my ears, and even at this distance that gross sounding overconfidence in his voice grates me.

'_Who the hell does that bastard believe he is!?'_

I almost decide to hurl a stone at his ugly ass face, but luckily for him Avian shoots the bastard a hard look before I can make a move.

"Do not be so certain of yourself. Corporal is a formidable opponent, I should know."

"I don't want to seem rude or anything, but I just can't see it. The man is so short…"

"From what I was taught, that means nothing in proper combat James…"

"I'm just saying that I don't think he's that great. He can take down titans sure, he's Humanity's Strongest Soldier, but people are different." James elaborates, raising his shoulders in a half-assed apologetic gesture. "Look, all I know is that he was a nobody before he joined the Corps. No one knew him, so it's not like he's from some important family or anything. I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm a guy who has to see things in action before I believe them. I don't take anybody's word for anything."

Avian scowls, obviously thinking of what to say next whilst behind her, Eren catches my eye and he starts.

"H… hey guys…" he stammers, anxiety growing. "I think we need to get back to our own groups."

No one pays him much mind aside from the woman who just waves him off.

"I will after I assist James." She states simply, too busy returning to helping that lowlife to notice my figure growing closer and closer.

"Avian, seriously, we need to go…" Eren states again, looking almost in a panic. "Corporal is going to kill us."

"Now why would he do that?" Avian questions. "We're training, correct? I'm merely helping one of my comrades with his form. Corporal will be fine."

"I REALLY don't think so Avian." The teen urges, grabbing onto her arm insistently. "Can we just PLEASE go?"

At this, the woman along with the bastard she is helping both turn a pondering eye to the younger soldier.

"Just a moment more. You are acting as if he is breathing down your neck…" the woman chastises just before Eren has enough sense to raise his panicking eyes to mine and hastily salutes.

"CORPORAL!"

All together James, Avian, and Mikasa turn toward me when I near, all but Ackerman looking surprised to see me there.

"Are you supervising us?" the ginger questions as if astounded I would ever do such a mundane task.

"No, I just felt like watching a bunch of uncoordinated, sweaty people punch each other in the face for entertainment."

My retort is quick and deadpan as I narrow my eyes at her coldly.

"Of course I'm supervising, dumbass. Who do you think organized this? And from what I recall, your ass is supposed to be on the other side of the field."

Avian holds my gaze steadily. Interestingly, it seems she's gotten much better with handling my anger over these past months, a fact that I wasn't highly aware of until now.

"I am." She replies calmly. "But I left to help James since Mikasa is _obviously _a much more skilled opponent."

My scowl doesn't lessen.

"And who told you that you could do that. It certainly wasn't me."

"I didn't believe that approval would be necessary to assist a fellow comrade."

"Well you believed wrong. Get back to your position, or do I need to assign double chores to make you understand your place?"

"I don't understand what the quandary is!" Avian suddenly spouts, a deep scowl breaking her features. "We are all out here to sharpen our skills. How better to do so than through instruction?"

"Are you listed as an instructor for this?" I sharply retort, annoyance itching at my temples. "No. You are a cadet who is SUPPOSED to be training on the other side of the damn field like you were ordered. Or is that too difficult of a task for you to handle?"

"I can handle such an assignment just fine." Avian answers, not moving. "But you failed to answer my inquiry."

"I don't answer stupid questions."

At this point, James steps in front of Avian almost protectively, and his eyes narrow down at me.

"She was just helping me out. What is the big deal?"

Oh how badly I want to grind that face of his into the dirt.

"Step away Tubber." I command coldly, cutting him with an icy gaze of my own.

James' brows knit and a annoyed look contorts his features.

"It's Tucker."

"I don't give a shit. I'm your superior and you're getting on my nerves, so I believe that gives me the right to call you whatever the hell I want." I practically spit, and I'm almost surprised by the intensity of anger I feel toward this boy.

Like a flash, James' earlier backhanded comment about how he doesn't believe me to be a competent fighter comes back to mind, and instantly a sinister desire thrums in my being.

Crossing my arms, I take to holding the recruit still with an indifferent, empty stare as if his very existence is below my attention, which it is.

"You've got a lot of confidence for a mere cadet Tubber." I state flatly, ignoring the bolt of irritation that colors the younger man's face as I purposefully mispronounce his name again. "If you are so certain of your skills then why the hell are you even out here? Or getting help from Conner for that matter?"

Together, all four soldiers stare at me, a wide range of emotions playing on their faces: Eren's in pure horror for he knows what is to come, James' in that disgusting self-assurance, Avian's in a passive state that is impossible to decipher, and Mikasa's in an expression almost as bored as my own. After a moment, Tucker raises a brow.

"I… don't get what you're asking…" he mutters, watching me even though I keep my façade carefully dull and void.

"I heard what you said earlier," I continue in that same bored tone, "about how you didn't believe that I'm as capable as what Conner here said. From the way you were talking it sounded like as if you think you can beat me."

At that, a hint of apprehension appears in James' eyes.

"I never said that." He amends swiftly, and I almost feel the need to laugh at his change in demeanor.

'_What a damn coward.'_

But I'm not going to let this useless chunk of titan bait get away, so instead of relenting, I press his buttons further.

"So you're saying that you _aren't _better than me. Huh…. What a damn shame…" I mock darkly, "And here I thought you'd actually have the balls to say that to my face. No wonder you're having to get help; you're just full of shit. All talk with nothing to show for it…"

My jibes grant me the desired response, and I have a difficult time remaining stoic as a shadow of indignant anger darkens the boy's face.

"You have something you want to say to me _Corporal_?"

The bastard's voice is heavy with insult when he says my title, but I'm not perturbed in the slightest.

"What more can I say? You're as dense as a pile of titan vomit, but at least vomit is actually useful to our cause." I retort slyly, nearly breaking into a smirk when the brazened boy makes a move as if to touch me, only to be held back by his three lackeys.

"What the hell do you what!?" James half snarls in anger, his entire body tense as he glares fire at me.

I meet his fiery gaze with an intense, icy stare, and with cool patience, I answer him.

"Fight me."

The stunned look on his face is absolutely priceless. Behind him, Avian gapes at me and Eren just makes a face as if he's about to witness someone's death, which he pretty much is. Mikasa says nothing as usual, but her thin brow raises just a fraction in interest.

After a tense second in which Tucker is still too stunned to reply, Avian peers around his bulky form with a mixture of accusation and confusion.

"Corporal…" she begins steadily, possibly about to try and persuade me to revoke my demand, but I cut her off with a glance.

"That's what you want, right?" I continue, watching a wave of emotions play on the younger man's features as I return my eyes to him. "You don't believe I'm much of a threat, and I'm more than willing to put your theory to the test. You know what, since you're so confident, let's make a deal."

At this, James' eyes hone in on me sharply.

"Let's see who's better: me or you. If you win, you get the next week completely off and you're free to do whatever you damn well please."

At my offer, both he and Avian cast a quick, debating glance at each other, something silent passing between them that makes the pit of my stomach twist sickeningly, and I have to mentally shove the ill feeling away.

"On the other hand, if I win, I get the right to punish both of you however I see fit for disobeying my orders and causing enough of a scene to halt the entire damn training session."

Startled at my statement, Tucker obviously doesn't understand what I'm talking about, so to help him, I motion with my head to the area around us, and his eyes widen as he finally realizes that every single cadet out here training has stopped what they are doing to watch us, all their eyes hungry and eager to see how this will play out.

After a few seconds, I draw his eyes back to mine with a grunt.

"Deal?" I offer darkly, knowing full well that the bastard has no choice but to accept lest he look like a coward in front of the entire Corps. "Or are you just going to piss yourself?"

To my satisfaction, James' eyes harden and he shrugs Avian's hands off his arm.

"Fine." He states simply, taking a step forward so he is within arm's length. "I'm game."

You can almost feel the tension in the air, heavy, electrified, and ominous, and I relish in it.

'_What a fool.' _I think spitefully, unfolding my arms, and look up at my opponent.

James is a large guy, I'll give him that: Around five or so inches taller than Eren, tanned and well built from rigorous training, and covered in an air of cockiness that is almost nauseating. It irritates me that I have to look up at him due to his greater height, but such a fact will not factor into altering the inevitable outcome of this fight. The only thing I want is to see his sweeping brown hair mussed and covered in dirt from where I plan to stomp his face into the ground.

Without spoken word, a ring of onlookers forms around us, but I push all of them out of my mind. Even Avian's astounded face is unimportant to me at this moment.

Silence like death envelopes the yard as James lifts his arms vertically in front of him, just as Avian had just showed him, and our eyes lock. For a moment, nothing happens as he waits for me to take up my own stance, and after a while of keeping my arms dangling lazily at my sides, I can see the intensity in his gaze grow, and with extreme speed, he strikes.

It's fast, but I easily dodge his punch, leaning my head out of the way and stepping to the side. Together I raise my arms and with practiced ease, I hone in on the exposed side of his face and retaliate with a swift punch of my own.

There is a muffled clap of flesh as James smartly blocks my jab and uses my momentum to try and pull me forward off my feet. Just as he grabs my arm to pull, however, I turn his intentions against him. Just as he yanks me forward, I go along with it, throwing my full weight toward him and, with the sudden shift of balance and a bit of surprise on his part, James is taken off guard.

With great satisfaction, I almost smirk at the sound of air being forced out of his lungs as my shoulder crushes into his sternum, an attack that sends the larger man stumbling back a few paces, wheezing.

A muffled gasp permeates the crowd, and I take a moment to appreciate the sight of that bastard clutching a fist to his chest as he glares pure venom at me, struggling with every breath.

"That's all you got?" I taunt emotionlessly, raising a brow. "You're more stable boy than soldier."

James merely lets out a low growl in answer, and the next second after, he comes at me again. This time, he chooses to use a series of short, quick jabs aiming at my chest, sides, and midriff, his face contorted with effort and anger. These strikes are a little more difficult to dodge, and the bastard actually manages to land a nice blow to my side with a well placed hook.

The strike forces a grunt from my lips but nothing more.

'_It's going to take a lot more than that to best me.'_

Utilizing all the skill I've earned over years of having to survive in that underground shithole, I switch gears, and the moment James makes a jab for my face, I retaliate.

As his fist flies, I dodge, grab his passing arm with both hands, and use his own momentum to yank him downward. The force isn't even close enough to pull him off his feet, but that isn't what I'm aiming for. No… I fight much dirtier than that.

At my sudden jerk, James lets out a grunt, doubling over so his shoulder isn't pulled out of socket, and when he does, I swiftly make my move.

Before he even realizes what is going on, I reach behind him and yank the bottom of his shirt up and over his head. The boy lets out an exclamation of surprise, but he barely has time to let out a single breath before I take advantage of his temporary blindness and shock to knee him in the face.

I barely register the sound of people letting out muted gasps as the sound of something snapping cracks through the air. I'm too caught up in the moment to care. I'm having fun now.

It's so easy for me to revert back to the brutality I secretly harbor from those hell filled years in my youth: a time before Isabel and Farlan, a time where I cared for no one except me, and I knew no limit to the cruelty I could bestow. It was during those dark times that I learned to enjoy giving out pain, that I learned that I liked demonstrating my power and making others beg for mercy. Though much more subdued, that wicked part of my being is still very much present, and for the first time in a long time, that portion of myself is being put on display.

I love it.

Reflexively, James lets out a gasp and a hand flies up to cradle his broken nose, his shirt still over his head, and from then on, the rest of the fight is a damn cakewalk.

I follow up my assault with a series of jabs, hooks, and elbow strikes, savoring every gasp, hiss of pain, and groan that follows each of my strikes.

I take out all my frustration on him, but even in the midst of all of it, I'm barely aware that I'm not exactly sure what frustrates me about him in the first place, but such a thought is quickly pushed away. All I know is that this man is a threat. A threat to what, I have no idea, but the reason doesn't matter. I hate him, and that is the only incentive I need.

At last, and only once the blood stain on his shirt is of considerable size do I decide to end it. With a practiced spin, I raise my leg and flash a deft kick square in his middle, sending the larger man sprawling into the ground.

No one dares make a sound as I stalk my way slowly over to him, watching with icy stare as he finally manages to uncover his head and I see with great satisfaction that his eyes are wide in distress and pain, and a sharp indent decorates the bridge of his nose.

My contempt for him only rises.

"Pathetic. And here I thought a big guy like you would actually put up a challenge. Guess you really are just full of shit."

James' eyes meet my own, a mix of pain and bewilderment that only widen as I raise a leg to deliver another swift kick just for the hell of it, but before I can let it fly a body appears between us.

"THAT'S ENOUGH."

The hardness in my gaze does not soften as they travel downward and capture a pair of bright blue orbs staring just as hard at me only a few inches away.

"You've proved your point." Avian states strongly, unmoving and uncompromising as she stands between that bastard and I. "You won the fight. So stop."

You could hear a needle drop; that is how quiet the training yard is now, everyone's eyes glued to the tension forming between the ginger and myself, and for the longest moment, she and I just stare at each other.

It's so rare to find such a stern, severe expression on her normally placid features, and though the sun is bright in the sky, a certain shadow plays upon her freckled cheeks and in her eyes. Since when did she become this unyielding? If I remember correctly, the woman is about as skittish as a sheep, especially around such a large group of people, but in this moment it's as if nothing else in the world exists except the two of us.

Eyes locked, it's obvious that neither of us are going to back down, and a battle of wills places out; mine fierce and blazing, and hers uncompromising and rigid.

Together we stare… and stare… and stare… For what seems like an eternity we stare at each other, so long in fact that Tucker has enough time to stand and wipe the blood still pouring out of his nose with his ruined shirt.

For a while, nothing happens; no one even dares to breathe. Then, with exaggerated slowness, Avian relaxes her shoulders and, though nowhere near submissive, she steps back and frowns.

"You won. " she repeats tightly, never taking her eyes off mine. "Tell us what you wish so he may retire to the infirmary,"

At that, whatever had been holding me still lets go, and I'm finally able to lean back and tilt my head at her request.

I regard her with a steady eye before answering.

"'We'? I don't remember saying you could go at all, Conner." I state simply, watching her closely both out of authority and curiosity. "I'm sure Tubber here knows his way, unless he just lost the last few brain cells he had left."

Avian doesn't budge, standing more like a statue than a human; unmovable and quiet.

Another silence falls, but this one is not nearly as drawn out, and I end it quickly.

"Well since dealing with your goofing off was a complete pain in the ass and a waste of my time...Triple chores." I answer firmly, casting a cold eye from her, then to Tucker, then back to her. "Both of you."

No one says a word, and after a few seconds, Avian speaks up again.

"Is that all?"

"Unless you just want more shit to do."

"Fine then. We accept."

For some reason, the curt tightness in her voice bothers me, and in the next moment, Avian turns, takes James by the arm, and together they head toward their destination, the crowd of watching soldiers parting to let them pass.

My eyes follow Avian the whole way.

* * *

Just as it always is the night before every expedition, the air inside the Corps building is heavy and tense with apprehension. It's well into the night as I make my rounds throughout the empty halls, making sure every cadet is where they should be; in their dorms resting for the mission tomorrow.

The darkness of the halls is comforting as I extinguish each torch along the walls one by one, throwing everything into shadow. Faintly, I can hear the rustle of movement behind closed doors that signal recruits who are finding it difficult to sleep, and every now and again I will hear a voice from where someone will speak to themselves in hushed whispers.

'_Everyone is tense.' _I muse, extinguishing another torch, the last one on the second floor, and begin making my way downstairs. _'I guess it should be expected. It doesn't matter how many times we do the same thing over and over if, with every mission, fewer and fewer of us make it back.'_

Really, this string of missions have actually been pretty merciful as far as the number of dead is concerned. Of course, no mission is completed without casualties, such a thing is well beyond an impossible miracle, but the rate of deaths have been quite low considering the nature of our purpose now.

Most of the time, us scouts only engage in battle when no other option is available to help avoid unnecessary death, but this time around we have no choice. Now that Shiganshina is officially sealed off, the next logical step to retaking Wall Maria has been to scout the infested farmlands and kill off every one of those monstrosities in the hopes that, here soon, we can retake what land we lost begin to repopulate.

It's been difficult, having to trudge through long expedition hours on the constant lookout for titans, and having to fight so often and over such an extended period of time. I understand why it's like this, Erwin wants to clear out the majority of the titan population before the winter, but even an experienced and well trained soldier like myself finds this routine a bit difficult to uphold. Of course, all the paperwork doesn't help either.

'_All I ever seem to think about anymore is damn reports… I'm starting to annoy myself…'_

With a muffled groan, I take a second to draw a tired hand over my eyes and nose before I step out of the stairwell onto the first floor and begin putting out torch fires one by one.

If I allowed myself to think, the reason for my recent obsession with paperwork is quite obvious: It's the main catalyst for interaction with a certain pintsized cadet.

It seems the only time I ever see her nowadays is during the few hours she helps me in my office organizing documents and assisting me with whatever it is I need her to do. Not much has changed as far as her chores are concerned, it's pretty much the same things every day, but I've noticed that her interaction with me has altered slightly.

I've become used to that hyperaware sense I've developed where my attention automatically focuses itself onto anything involving a certain ginger idiot, and because of that sense, I've taken notice of very minute shifts in her behavior. They are nowhere near drastic or a cause for great inspection, but I have observed that Avian seems a bit more… distracted.

The woman has always a bit of an airhead, always getting caught up in her own thoughts or daydreams. Not to mention she has a particular habit where she always watches birds fly if they happen to soar by my office window, eyes following their movements in muted fascination. But this kind of distraction is neither of these, of that I'm damn sure.

No, THIS particular distraction is the cause whenever the woman randomly makes a questioning noise to herself as if mentally asking herself something, or when she will sometimes look down at the stables or turn her head toward my office door at the sound of footsteps as if she is waiting for someone to appear.

Needless to say, I already know _exactly _who it is she is thinking of.

Also needless to say, such revelations give me the urge to lock the damn woman inside my office and blast the object of her thoughts from the face of the planet with a cannon.

Unfortunately for me, Erwin says that blowing people up with cannon fire is not allowed without probable cause, and apparently, my utter revulsion is not a good enough reason.

Damn it.

Without meaning too, I didn't even realize that I'd stopped in my rounds, so absorbed in my own ponderings, and I have to mentally jolt myself back to reality.

'_What the hell is wrong with me. I'm never like this. I'm more exhausted than I thought.'_

Drawing another hand over my face, this time more roughly to wake myself up, I set back to my task, carefully keeping my thoughts away from such distressing topics.

How late must it be? Near midnight if I had to guess, and soon enough, most of the Corps will be up and running in a few short hours in preparation for the mission. Everything is quiet, so I can only assume the only soldier still awake is myself, which is fine. I'm used to not getting enough sleep; it comes with the position.

Unconsciously, I frown at myself over such notion as I put out another torch flame and round a still-lit corner.

After so many years, I've all but accepted the permanent weight that tugs at my lids, and the darkness that haunts my gaze; so prevalent and stark against my otherwise pale skin that I still notice it every morning when I look at myself in the mirror, even after all this time. It's only grown worse since the fall of Wall Maria and the discovery of Eren's freakish ability, and it seems like such a trait has become a permanent part of my appearance.

'_Not only that, but now I have TWO blundering titan brats to take care of instead of one, so it sure as hell won't go away now.'_

And just like that, even when I have been trying so hard not to, and so soon after I JUST determined to myself that I would stay away from such thoughts, that one, simple statement has my mind reeling once again to thinking about that damn woman.

It's like she's an illness: constantly plaguing my mind and, every time I believe I've successfully distracted myself from her memory, she comes bounding back again. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get her out of my head.

In all honesty, such a pattern really wouldn't be that bad except for one thing… Every time I think about her, I think about her with _him._

My teeth automatically grit together in irritation as images of the two together flash through my mind in rapid spurts: them together sitting, looking, smiling, laughing, working, relaxing, eating, training… It seems like they do EVERYTHING together. And the way she _looks _at him…

A mixture of heat and acid burn deep in my being at the thought, and I'm in equal parts intrigued and annoyed with the sensation. I hate it, even though this burning is all I seem to feel here recently. Well, that and outright irritation.

I just don't get it. What is it about him that draws her attention like an extra retarded moth to a flame? He can't be that interesting; even I can see how lame the guy is. And there is just… something… about the man that rubs me the wrong way. I can't put my finger on it, but deep inside something about him just doesn't sit right with me.

'_Like it even matters. It's not like Avian listens to me anymore.'_

An odd feeling replaces the burning now, a feeling I can't quite place, not-to-mention name. It feels somewhere in-between pain and sadness, but this pain isn't the physical kind like what you would get when you cut your hand or twist an ankle. No, this kind of pain is of the emotional sort; an ache that sears your insides and constricts the chest to an almost worrisome degree whilst making your heart hurt as if it has been pierced by a blade.

It's such a foreign sensation that I really don't know what to think of it, as I've never really felt it before. It's like my emotions themselves hurt whenever I think about how Avian seems to be lessening the attention she gives to me in place of hanging out with that wretched, no-good, pitiful excuse for a soldier.

It just doesn't make _sense _for me to feel such a way_._

And to top it all off, all I can do is come to the same frustrating realization that I don't even understand WHY.

Avian is my subordinate, nothing more. In fact, she's hardly even that thanks to her being in Gauche's squad now, so what gives?

There is absolutely nothing special about her aside from her shifting power, but even then it isn't that unique. She's just a regular cadet with no outstanding qualities: she isn't strong, she isn't that skilled of a fighter, she's fast but that isn't anything to be impressed by, she isn't exceptionally smart concerning titan knowledge, though she's proven many times that her intelligence and problem solving is nothing to take lightly. She isn't the best with endurance or wielding titan-killing blades or maneuvering with her gear. She's not that great of a cook outside of soups and stews, and though she's proven to be an experienced healer and medic, such skills are easily learnable. She has no outstanding features aside from her child-like size and all those damn freckles. She can sing and, though her voice is nice, it's nothing spectacular. In every aspect of her looks, skills, traits, or whatever else, there is _nothing _that really sets her apart from the rest of her peers.

So WHAT THE HELL GIVES.

It's the one puzzle that I just can't seem to solve, and every time I DO try to solve it, it only leads me to discover more pieces that I find impossible to fit together.

Just what IS she?

A growl escapes me and reverberates down the dark, empty hall in which I find myself, torches long forgotten, and I find it odd that I feel just as murky and alone deep within my body as I do inside these corridors.

All I see is her now, but the images I see aren't kind, nor do they give me any comfort.

Ever since the fight between myself and that disgraceful Tubber shithead, all contact with Avian has been minimum to none. It's been a few days since then, but I still can't tell if our lack of contact is due to the strain of preparing for the mission or her avoiding me. A small portion of it I know is partially my fault with all the hefty chores I've been forcing on her in punishment, though I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm punishing her for. Either way, my lack of visual sighting of her has not limited the amount of time I see her in my mind.

It's like an annoying itch that just won't go away; her existence constantly festering in the forefront of my mind. Whenever I think of her, the only scene that comes to mind is the tense stare she gave me before turning to help that bastard to the infirmary. I don't know why, but now that my anger concerning that battle is gone, I loathe she way she looked at me then; a mixture of defiance, stiffness, and a hint of disappointment.

It's disrespectful, honestly. I'm her superior, her corporal, and though she is in Gauche's squad, she is still my responsibility as far as the higher-ups are concerned. So for a lowly recruit to look at her commanding officer in such a way is warrant for extreme retaliation.

And yet….

I'm intrigued by her developing confidence, as misguided as it may be. Only a few months ago, I'm sure she wouldn't have dared to harden her gaze on me, but things have changed. Somewhere around the time she saved my life, everything got wonky and messed up. Avian always did regard me with a familiarity that isn't supposed to have a place here in the military, as she's even stated herself that she doesn't understand what is so important about ranks and the designated levels of respect each position is supposed to be given.

That's probably part of her discipline problem; she refuses to understand social ranks, and insists on treating everyone the same no matter who they are. I guess that is what happens when you spend most of your childhood alone in some dankass woods away from civilization. I should have been harder on her in that regard. I should have been much more strict whenever she fell out of line so none of this disobedience shit would have never happened.

But at the same time, at the very, _very_ back of my mind, just the smallest part of me actually appreciates her lack of formality. I'm so used to the stern gazes, solid salutes, clipped conversations, and strained replies that everyone in the Corps regard we with, with the exception of Hanji, that the lack of custom with her is kind of… nice.

Everyone in all of humanity sees me as Humanity's Strongest Soldier, their prized Lance Corporal, and my skill and prestige have grown to the point that most people only see me as a living symbol of hope and revenge, not as an actual human being. Sure they always chant my name and send me good graces whenever I leave for a mission, but such tributes are always hollow. I don't mean anything to them, just like the rest of us giving our lives for their shitty asses.

People love to pretend to care, love to put on a good show of support and moral, but the moment we return with carts of bodies in tow, suddenly, all those good feelings and wishes are dead. They yell and scream and throw stones just as much as anyone else, equally as outraged by our repeated failures and losses without bothering to stop for two seconds to wonder that us soldiers feel just as shitty and beaten down as they are by our shortcoming.

No, we hurt MORE than they do, because none of their ungrateful asses have to deal with the agony of seeing friend after friend be eaten and killed and taken away from you.

Even the soldiers here struggle to feel legitimate empathy for each other some of the time, too caught up in rankings and placing all their hope and desires onto their commanders instead of keeping such strength for themselves so they can better survive and fight on their own.

They all believe that, if the day comes, humanity will finally win thanks to someone high in the ranks like me. Everyone always looks up to the big guys for guidance and conviction when instead they should realize that they are just as capable and meaningful as I am. I'm just a soldier like they are. We are no different, but they choose to objectify my existence to the point that, most of the time when things go to hell, everyone seeks comfort from the strong like me instead of taking time to wonder if perhaps, just maybe, I may need help too.

No one has ever done that for me. No one except _her._

Hanji and Erwin are open to talk sometimes, and it helps to get a few things off my chest with my squad members, but in reality, Avian is the only one who has actually _listened._ Out of everyone I know, only she was concerned for my welfare after the revelation with Shiganshina. I realize that the woman never said anything, but it doesn't matter. Only now do I realize that she DIDN'T need to say anything. She truly listened, truly cared, and with a simple gesture I knew that she was there if I needed it, whether she knew what to do or not.

She was _truly _there for me, and that was all that mattered.

But now… she's not.

I don't know how, or why, but somehow I'm losing her. I have no idea what I'm losing her _too, _since I have no idea what the hell she even is right now, but the fact of the matter is, is that things are changing, and I don't like it. I won't have it. I don't understand what it is that is driving such a desire, but all I care about is keeping her where she is.

I want her to stay near me.

I want her to keep talking to me.

I want her to keep listening to me.

I want…. Something….

But I'm losing her; losing her to that swishy, brown haired bastard.

I hate his guts. I really fucking do. I resent the very air he breaths, and I wish he would just go ahead and get eaten so I won't have to deal with his cocky ass. But each mission he always returns safe and sound. And I have no problem believing that he'll survive this next mission as well, which will be a real kick in my face because, much to my utter displeasure, it seems Erwin deemed it fit to assign that James asshat to _my _regiment.

I'm going to have to deal with him for practically the whole day tomorrow after having made him look like a complete dumbass in front of the entire legion.

I really wish there was a way to cleanly commit murder.

***Author's Note***

Freaking life just screw me sideways UGGGH! *explodes*Okay, soooooo…. I've really got no legit excuse for this piece of crap chapter to be so late, but I feel like you guys deserve at least a little explanation as to why this horrible author made you wait for such a horrid chapter, so here it goes:

School finals are next week, and I've been so busy with work and school that I couldn't even begin to write a whole freaking research paper which I now have a zero on. Now I've got two essays due by next Tuesday. *cries*

Work is freaking ridiculous right now thanks to the holidays. I won't go into detail, but retail is brutal this time of year. I finished writing this chapter at around 1 this afternoon after finally getting home after a nine hour shift at 1:30 this morning and I've been awake since 9:30 yesterday since I didn't bother going to sleep since I needed to be up again at 6 for work today. As of right now, I've been awake for 39 straight hours. *cries more*

Due to this strenuous schedule and workload, an old injury has been acting up really bad making it painful to sit down for extended periods of time. I broke my spine playing soccer several years ago and the cold just makes it seize up like you wouldn't believe. *cries hysterically*

Okay, now that that bullcrap is out of the way, I hope that this chappy isn't too awful, and I apologize if it is. Next one should be full of titan killing action, at least for a part of it, so I hope that will make up for this. And I always forget to put those little line break things in for some reason... I'm retarded... But anyway, on to your lovely reviews.

**TolkeinGirl052- **I'm so glad to hear you thought it was great! C: I always knew Shiganshina would be a bust, but it still breaks my heart to have to write about it. And I'm glad that the little interaction between Avian and Levi wasn't overdone. I was a bit worried that no one would like it because not much really HAPPENS, but considering the situation and Levi's emotional distress along with Avian not really being a great consoler as far as talking about stuff like that is concerned, I really couldn't have written it any other way.

And yes, I believe we can start to say that something is developing with our Little Corporal here o3o

**AliLaShae- **Hello! I'm also glad to hear you enjoyed the previous chappy! And OMG YOUR CAPS LOCK OF LOVE OAO. Trust me, I really wish I could just reach in and shake some sense into Levi, but then there wouldn't be as much drama, or unfluffy fluff to come. Yeah, 'primitive male' was freaking hilarious to me that I snorted just writing it xD. I hate to say it, but as collected as Levi is… he IS a dude soooo…. *STARE*STARE*STARE* But it wasn't too bad, it's not like she was naked or anything… well… she had a chest wrapping…. But…. whatever! And I really do hope I don't screw this whole 'jealous Levi competing for Avi's heart' thing ….. this chapter came out so bad that I think I messed it up already ;n;

I MUST WRITE ABOUT THESE HEADCANNONS OF YOURS SOMETIME IN THE DISTANT FUTURE WHEN I GET AROUND TO IT MAYBE OAO. Lol, they'll more than likely be part of Bird's Eye View, but whatever! It'll be cute and that is all that matters. I have my own head cannon to where if Levi is getting kind of annoyed with her or whatever, Avian will just start tossing, like, flowers or feathers or something spring-y and happy like that to cheer him up. *EVERY OTP NEEDS A FLOWER CROWN SCENE OMG*

**Zacrea- **Glad to here that you're liking the relationship progress as much as I love writing about it! And as far as Avian's political standing is concerned, I will be getting to that after this little arc thingy… I haven't really brought it up because there hasn't really been anything to warrant such attention, but trust me… THERE WILL BE BAHAHA. I'm working on it, but just know that the general populace and most of the government haven't changed their stance on her that much since her retrial. She is still treading on thin wire.

And I'm glad to hear that at least one person read Bird's Eye View, to which I'll be posting more chappys here soon. But yes… Avian was quite lonely as you would expect, and quite the avid believer in fate as well. And as far as we know, Levi is not aware that Avian is still there only by her own conviction, though there might be other reasons developing here soon to warrant her staying with them. Perhaps she will tell him out right sometime, maybe not. I don't know. We'll just have watch and see.

**Imafangirlforever- **There is a James Tucker in FMA? I had no idea… oops o.o I swear I didn't copy the name from that. His name just kind of came to me the first time he appeared and it rolled kinda nicely so I was just like 'Sure! What the heck! You'll never come back again anyway!' -completely wrong xD And I'm glad I earned a WTF from the revelation of Eren's basement, that means I accomplished my goal. Yay C:

**Nyxwren- **I'M WORKING DA CANNON LEVIAN BUT STUFFIES NEED TO HAPPEN FIRSTS AND IT FREAKING KILLS ME CAUSE I WANNA SHIP THEM AS HARD AS YOU DO *CRIES* Okay…. Calm down now…. I'm thrilled to hear that you like my style, and that things aren't going to slow and boring. I always worry about that xD *shot* Hopefully, we'll learn even more about Avian here soon through Bird's Eye View since I plan on making a few short drabbles about certain scenes involving each of her family members as well as each of Squad Levi's members + Hanji maybe… We'll have to stick around and see!

**Karly- **I'm a sucker for small knee brushings and caresses :'D Perhaps later on we shall get that caress? It's coming I'm sure of it! And I'm glad you enjoy my style of writing as well C: I will say that the scar on Avian's back is not the reason for her frailty/stature, but there IS a reason, which will be explained eventually once the plot gets to where it needs to be.

And it really is about time Levi began to notice the positive aspects of her personality and actually begin to appreciate them. It only took, what, twenty chapters? xD Oh Levi, there are so many things you have yet to know, you dense, lovable weirdo….

**Thebeccac- **You skipped two chapters? XD No wonder you're so confused! It's okay, I do that a lot, so I just sit there like 'wth is going on I don't remember this.' And I have to scan through previous chapters to remember where I was. It's always good to hear that Levi is still in character. I know I whine about it almost every chapter, but this is a challenge for myself to find a way to break his character while still keeping him genuine to his anime/manga persona. It's surprisingly difficult I tell ya lol. And yes, I can't resist making Avian an awkward munchkin, and there is more to come over time, though her putting salt in Levi's coffee is freaking hilarious. I'm just glad he didn't kill her.

And Avian's reference/character sheet can be found on my profile if you wish to look at it, but she is actually Scott/Irish. Before writing, I already determined that she would take strongly after her father and his Celtic lineage, and in all honesty, her mother's genetic history is a bit of a mystery to me. I presume she is a mix of many backgrounds, though it was her that taught Avian the Manx lullaby.

And your review isn't crappy, so stop it. It's wonderful C:

**EpicShadowNinja- **Don't you just love it when, just as you think Avian and Levi's relationship is going swell, then SOMETHING has to come along and jack it all up!? XD I honestly think that is the best part of the whole ordeal. They get into disagreements and fall out of each other pretty often, but each time they resolve the problem, they get a little bit closer. Like each problem helps them understand each other, thus creating a ever deepening bond between them that will hopefully blossom into something much greater. And I apologize for my apology, I tend to do so a lot *hides in corner*

**Close enough story- **Since your review was posted on chappy one, I have no idea if you'll see this, but if you do, just know that I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that you are enjoying my story so much and that both Levi and Avian are not total dimwits xD And you're a horse rider? How awesome! I love horses, but there really isn't much chance for me to be around them at all. It makes me sad :C

But yes, I personally enjoy how Avian is a bit of a horse girl myself. Unfortunately, I'm not that experienced with horses as you can probably tell from my writing, but I have had several chances to go trail riding, which is always fun. Horses are just so intelligent and calm that I just knew Avi would develop a close bond with her equine friend. I hate that their relationship isn't really shown more as there hasn't been much of a chance for it, but if it's alright with you, I'd love to use your head cannon to write a little drabble about Avian having Levi ride Stonewall for the first time. I think it would be fun!

Plus, I really want to write more about Stone in general. He is actually based off of a trail horse by the same name that I rode on many, many years ago, and he just stuck with me. I have no idea what breed he was, but he was an absolutely beautiful dapple gray stallion with such a wonderful, laidback personality. The entire time when we weren't riding, he would content himself to just watch us, and boy did he love having his muzzle scratched. I miss him T.T

I do apologize for any inaccuracies and things of that nature. When I get around to it, I'll be sure to edit my previous chapters concerning the whole 'flicking the reins' bit. It was an error on my part cause I'm inexperienced. Please don't kill me *hides*

…

Welp, I guess that is it for now. I'm sorry to say that I do not know when the next chapter will be out, but I promise I'll get it as soon as I can! I will try and work on some Bird's Eye View (I think I'll just shorten it to BEV) stuff as well. As always, please leave your thoughts and comments in a review, for they are my lifeblood. Till next time!

-Ambi


	23. A Terrible Mistake (Part 1)

Chapter 22:

**A Terrible Mistake**

The day could not be more beautiful: not a single cloud in the bright azure sky, yellow shafts of light brightening every green living thing around us from the grass that passes in a blur beneath our horse's feet to the large, solid oaks and dark pines towering in clumps about the rolling hills of the farmlands outside Wall Rose.

The energy of summer is almost tangible, and it's hopeful bliss seems to give the legion strength as we ride out in formation, hundreds of horses' hooves thrumming the ground in unison. The scouts almost seem enthusiastic in a way; most of the soldiers moving with a get-up-and-go mentality that leaves one to wonder just how all the anticipation from the night before died off so quickly.

Whatever the reason, it is proving useful as we journey over open land, nothing but hills around us for miles around.

"This hardly feels like a mission. It's so pretty!" calls a light voice behind me, interrupting my musings.

"You're always so focused on useless things. Pay attention. " another voice replies, much sterner and with a level of boredom that matches my own. "You're going to wind up hurting yourself."

"You don't have to be so worrisome. I promise that I won't let anything happen to me, Ymir."

"Don't even try to fool me, Krista." Ymir retorts curtly behind me, then follows up in a hushed whisper, "I know how you are with your martyr crap. Nothing is going to happen to you as long as I have a thing to do about it. Got it?"

There is silence for a while, but I can almost feel the small blonds' head nod in agreement.

'_What a couple of weirdoes….'_ I muse, frowning at the exchange between the two younger soldiers, unable to decipher just what it is that is going on between the two. _'Their whole relationship is just bazaar.'_

Of course, they are just one set of oddballs in this mixture of oddities called the Recon Corps. What is one more to add to its overwhelmingly annoying saturation of everything abnormal.

"It confuses you do, doesn't it Corporal?" a third voice asks beside me, drawing my attention away from the two females still chit-chatting.

"What the hell makes you say that." I respond curtly, more of a statement than a question, but my rough tone doesn't seem to bother Jax as he lazily leans back in his saddle.

"Just an observation." He replies, looking ahead of us. "I've never understood the two of them, even back in our training days. Their complete opposites and, honestly, Ymir isn't that likeable."

I feel my frown deepen and a clipped thought slips my lips.

"A right pain in my ass. The heathen has no appreciation for the chain of command OR tidy living quarters. It's because of her the Corp's building always looks like a damn pigsty. All that shit everywhere, it's disgusting…"

"So she WAS the one who kept sprinkling manure and rotten feed around the building?" the other man gazes at me in slight surprise. "I had my money on Springer and Blouse…"

He pauses for a moment to ponder over that fact before continuing.

"I heard that you had the perpetrator sent to clean every loo in both the dorms and offices with their toothbrush. How'd you manage to do that?"

"The same way I make anyone: I beat the shit out of them until their common sense comes back to them."

"I should have figured. Did she ever tell you why? I'd ask her myself, but I really don't want her sights on me." Jax sweats, casting a wary glance back behind him before returning forward. "The chick is scary…"

I don't bother holding in the growl of irritation that sneers through my teeth and makes me narrow my eyes in distaste.

"The idiot thought it'd be a good time killer to see just how long she could piss me off before I lost it. The only reason I'm having to deal with her now is because Erwin got wind of the whole damn thing and placed her in my squad since I'm the only one he believes can properly handle her. It's such a bothersome burden."

"So that's why…" Jax nods in understanding. "…though it sucks what _we _got stuck with her. It's too bad your squad had to be split up again, but I guess it makes sense. We need as many experienced soldiers as we can afford to lead the new recruits. Plus, with all of us being spread out as we are, there is no way a group of greenies could handle this on their own."

"Doesn't help my situation any." Is all I say in response to him regarding the subject, unwilling to delve deeper, and cast my eyes to the horizon.

Just beyond, a single, green flare rises up into the sky, arcing to the left. At the signal, I motion my horse forward with my legs and call out over my shoulder.

"Shut up." I state coldly, halting the two feminine voices of Krista and Ymir. "The formation is breaking off. Krista, sent up a flare."

The sound of rummaging follows my order, and in the next second a tower of colored smoke rises into the air above us.

"Shouldn't we catch up with the others?" Krista asks after firing. "We're all going to the same village aren't we?"

"We are, but there really isn't any need too." Jax answers, thankfully relieving me from further interaction. "Baumwolle is a rather large village, so our regiment will tackle it from four angles: Inise's squad from the South, Gunther's squad from the West, ours to the North, and Creed's from the East. If all goes as planned, we should sweep the entire place clean in less than an hour."

"That's great!" the blond smiles. "And with so many soldiers going to so many different villages, we'll have this done in no time! When do you think we can live inside Wall Maria again?"

"Don't go getting your hopes up." Ymir's mulling drawl cuts in suddenly. "Do you even know how many titans are out here? This whole thing is just a waste of time…"

"Don't say that, Ymir! We're so close to getting our home back!"

"Look…" the elder woman replies, and when I turn a sharp gaze back to watch her, her eyes are dull and apathetic. "…I'm just being realistic. All this is going to do is kill more of us, then what? I say we just give up on this and make ourselves comfy inside Rose."

"You know we can't do that." Krista frowns, her blue eyes filled with sadness. "What about all the people who lost their homes? We don't have enough food and space to keep them all living here much longer."

At that, Ymir closes her eyes and raises her shoulders in a careless shrug.

"Who cares. I'm surprised there are that many still alive after all this. Almost everyone from the outer wall has already died anyway."

Krista looks at her, positively aghast.

"YMIR!"

The short cadet looks about to say something else, but before she can mutter a word, I swiftly interject.

"OI! What did I just say?"

At my harsh tone, all eyes lock onto me, everyone aside from Ymir backing down under the heat of my eyes.

"I don't feel like playing chaperone for you yakking brats." I tell them, low on patience. "Get your heads out of your asses and remember where we are. I won't tolerate our comrades getting injured or killed because you two rubber-mouths find it more important to gossip than to keep your focus on the mission."

Thankfully, no one says a word, though Ymir gives me a dangerously confrontational scowl that makes me hum in distaste.

'_It's always ME that has to babysit a bunch of shitty brats.'_

As much as I am tempted to put that callous cadet in her place, I consciously relent from such violent thoughts and turn my gaze forward again, just in time to see the last fading black forms of the other half of the scouts disappear over the crest of some hills to my right, heading down the opposite side of the wall to the villages beyond.

Once they are gone, only the three remaining squads that make up our regiment are left, each group charging forward in their own huddles. Furthest ahead, I can just barely spy the dark black hair of Inise as she leads her team of soldiers, all of whom I'm unfamiliar with. Just behind her group rides Team Leader Creed, a mountain of a man who makes the other members of his squad, Gauche and two others, look positively tiny. Third in line leads Gunther, once again put in charge of his own squad, racing across the plains with a new recruit, Jean Kirstein, and the current bane of my existence.

It doesn't matter that the man is out of earshot and his head is dutifully faced forward in anticipation of our destination, just the mere sight of that bastard James' brown hair flying wildly ahead of me ticks me off.

Somehow, the man riding beside me must feel the negative tension building, for he shifts on his horse and follows my line of sight.

"Quite the spectacle that was." He mentions casually, speaking of when I positively beat the shit out of that no good idiot. "From what I saw this morning, his nose is still swollen. What did he do to set you off so bad?"

It's just an innocent question spoken out of curiosity, but I still feel a lurch of irritation at it.

"Damn brat doesn't know his place." I spit out forcefully, hoping that if I stare at James' head hard enough it'll explode.

At my heated response, Jax raises a thin brow.

"Did he mess something up? Or is it something to do with that Conner girl?"

"She has nothing to do with it!"

The words spit themselves out with a vengeful force before I even realize what I'm saying.

Beside me, Jax wears an expression of hidden surprise at the sudden outburst, and though I do well to keep my own face bland and without emotion, I'm just as surprised by my reaction as he is.

'_What the hell…'_ I growl inwardly, mentally kicking myself for losing my composure so easily. _'I never behave this way. Damn it.'_

I expect Jax to question more about the topic, especially now that I've shown him just how affected I am by the whole thing, but instead of speaking, he merely watches me for a moment in contemplation before turning ahead. A part of me is grateful for his willingness to drop the conversation.

But it's just as well, for now as we round the top of a large hill, a vast plain comes into view; a field of brown and white coloring kilometers upon kilometers of ground with the shadows of distant buildings spurring up in the distance. Baumwolle is a rather average village, neither large nor small, known for its great export of cotton which gives the place it's name. Cotton plants span the countryside almost as far as the eye can see, rows upon rows of valuable crop now overgrown and out of control due to lack of human care.

If they were still being taken care of properly, then the ride to Baumwolle would be rather roundabout, as we would have to travel around the large field, but luckily for us such a toil isn't needed. Though most of the plants are untouched, there are large trails of toppled plants creating paths through the field from where hoards of titans have squashed the crops into the ground.

Without word, I lift my arm in the silent signal for my squad to follow, and fall in line behind the other three squads as we funnel into one of the trails. For a while, there is nothing but bushes racing past us, their rough branches occasionally scratching us if we fail to dodge in time.

All is silent as we ride, Baumwolle slowly coming closer, and around two-thirds of the way through the field, the other three squads take their leave down diverting trails; two to the left and one to the right, each going to their respective destinations.

Once gone, it is just us and the silence. Just as it does before every battle, the closer the village comes, the stronger the tension in the air seems to grow. No one speaks, but I can almost feel my subordinate's apprehension, and at the sound of a thundering pound which can only be a rather large titan moving about the buildings, adrenaline begins to pound through my veins and that familiar feeling of bloodlust awakens.

I'm consciously aware of my hands gripping the reins so hard my knuckles turn white, and suddenly I can't wait to dig my blades into the flesh of those monsters.

'_I'll slaughter them all.' _

Once we are close enough and the stout copper colored roofs are within gear shot, I pull out my blades.

"Let's move!"

As one we all shoot into the air. Immediately upon breeching the top of the nearest building, the misshapen bodies of titans come into view; five in total and surprisingly close. At the sound of our gear, all five turn their heads toward us, some smiling, others moaning in that grotesque way of theirs, and stumble their way to us.

"Ymir, Krista!"

At my order, both females hurdle into action, running off to the left before jumping off the roof and gassing around the hoard, drawing the attention of the two smallest, both seven meters. With their necks exposed, Jax leaps into action toward the right, shouting and clanging his blades together as he runs, gaining the other three titan's attention toward him, and once their necks are turned toward me, I spring.

Killing has become so easy over the years, to the point that I barely even have to exert myself as I gas forward and slice open the exposed skin of their napes, relishing in the sound of my blades tearing into them. The first two fall immediately with no idea what hit them, and the third barely has time to turn it's bulging eyes on my before I summersault in mid air and cut into it, it's scream almost deafening before, it too, falls to my steel.

Two left, one ten meter and one fifteen meter, on either side me, and I can't help but frown at their disfigured faces.

"Hideous." I spit, first at the shorter one who is horrendously bloated and large nosed, then at the larger whose face is comprised entirely of its gaping mouth, saliva dripping over yellow teeth. "I'd almost rather be eaten than have to look at you any longer."

As if on cue, both Ymir and Jax leap, blades poised, and dispatch of the pair with matching, skilled cuts.

"Not bad for our first encounter, eh?" Jax smiles as he lands on a distant roof.

"At this rate, we'll be done in no time! Especially with Corporal here!" Krista answers him with a gleaming smile of her own.

"Don't get cocky," I chide coldly as I walk along the roof, glaring at the both of them. "that's how you get killed. Just shut up and save the goodie feely stuff for when we get back. We got work to do."

Vaguely, I hear Ymir give a scoff and say something along the lines of 'got a damn stick up his ass' as I pass, but I ignore her. There is only one thing on my mind now, and that is exterminating those murderous fiends from existence.

And that is precisely what we do.

It seems the only place I ever feel truly at home is in the middle of the battlefield. Oh how easy is it for me to cleave flesh from bone and listen to the squeals of dying creatures whilst feeling nothing but icy hatred. The village is swollen with titans, more so than we expected, but such odds do nothing to perturb me from our mission and, in fact, I'm kind of glad for the large number. They give me something to kill.

I don't know what it says about my being when I feel such exuberant satisfaction in unleashing my frustration and anger from the past few months when killing. A great rush seems to fill my body and an unexplainable sense of pleasure overwhelms me whenever blades meet flesh with much more enthusiasm that I usually care to show.

It's exhilarating.

Adrenaline pounds harder with every slice, gash, and spin. Freedom tugs at my limbs as I fly through the air with nothing but a couple cables and my own skill keeping me aloft; years of experience flowing into every movement, every flip, every arc, turn, and swing. My speed is so great that my hair and clothing whip me almost painfully at times, but I don't care. With each kill, humanity is one step closer to reaching our goal. With each kill, just a little of my pent up emotion is expelled. With each kill, my muscles tense, bulge, and flex with strength, the strain of combat almost refreshing.

This is where I belong: in the midst of death with blades in my hands.

Perhaps that primal, brutal instinct born in me from the Underground will never die, and honestly, I couldn't care less if it didn't. It's like I was born to be a soldier, a killer.

Maybe I was.

Flying through the air with nothing but wind holding me there, I scan the horizon, searching for more prey to kill. Up ahead, Inise and her squad are but black dots soaring through the air on the other side of the village while Creed and Gauche are at work slaying a couple titans in the distance to my left.

How much work have they put in already? It seems like we just started, yet all of us are almost to the center of the village.

'_This formation is more efficient than I thought.'_ I muse as I slowly begin to descend, still surveying the area.

To my right, it seems as if Gunther's squad hasn't made it this far inside, but just as I'm about to turn my eyes away, a body glides into the air on gas. I can't hear what he is saying for he is still a good distance away, but I watch as Jean falls out of sight behind a building before rapidly reappearing again with two titans hot on his heels.

'_Aberrants.' _

I can immediately discern them by just how quickly they are able to move, their abnormally long legs running in a full sprint behind the young soldier fast enough to keep up with him, even with gas propelling him forward. Just behind the giants, trailing almost close enough for a killing blow, James flies with both swords poised for action.

With no titans near enough to me to pose any danger, I hone all my senses into following the pair with my eyes as they steadily draw closer in a wide angled arc.

"I can't lose 'em!" Jean calls, rounding a tall building in a sharp turn in order to try and lose the monsters, but they follow him easily and take out half a building in the process. "And I think I'm out of…!"

Before he can finish, I watch as the cloud of gas behind him suddenly disappears, and Jean slowly begins to lose speed.

'_Damn it.'_

The last thing a soldier wants is for his gas to run out while escaping from titans, but as I surge toward them, I can only watch as Jean mashes the triggers on the hilts of his swords to no avail.

Behind him, the pair of titans steadily gain on him as he continues to try and evade them, but with each swerve, they only close more distance.

"HEY! LOOK OVER HERE!"

I automatically turn to the sudden voice as James yells at the top of his lungs while gliding in the air, still pursuing the titans.

"YOU UGLY PIECES OF SHIT! I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

James' shout finally seems to reach the blundering couple, for now they slow down and take a moment to cast a curious look over their shoulders at the newcomer as he rockets toward them.

"THAT'S RIGHT, OVER HERE DUMBASSES. COME GET SOME!" James taunts arrogantly, flying at full speed, and manages to slash the eyes of the closest titan, blinding it.

The young soldier lets out a whoop of success as he makes his way to turn around and from somewhere in the distance beside me, Jean calls out to him.

"Wait! James! Just leave them! You can't take them both!" he pleads, but the brunette doesn't seem to wish to heed his words.

Instead, he calls back, "I already blinded one! One more cut and it's a wrap!"

With that final decree, James readies his blades and gases forward, making a bee-line for the blinded titan, and as he flies everything seems to go in slow motion.

I watch that arrogant bastard, confident smirk splitting his features, as he prepares to strike the handicapped titan from behind, all the while the other aberrant shifts. No sound escapes me, but a feeling of dread clutches me as the aberrant's eyes train themselves on James' flying form and slowly, a great arm rises.

'_DAMN IT!'_

It's all out of instinct, from years of having to risk my life saving the lives of others, but the moment I realize what is about to happen, I tense every muscle in my body and spring forward, using way too much gas to propel myself as fast as possible in the slim hope that I might reach him in time.

And the idiot has no idea, for the aberrant about to strike is behind him, and the boy is so preoccupied with slaying the blinded one that he seems completely oblivious to the world around him.

He has no idea he is about to die.

'_Dumb fuck.'_

My mental curse drips with venom, but there is no way I'm letting anyone die on my watch, not even a shitty asshole like him. And so with every ounce of will I possess, I fly at top speed to him, hands griping the hilts of my blades almost painfully.

Just as I'm about to reach him, from the corner of my eye, the aberrant's open palmed arm flies forward.

Breath escapes his lips in a forceful gasp as my body slams into James' midair, sending the other man flailing off into the opposite direction, out of danger. Quick as lightning, once he is out of the way I turn and raise my arms as the giant hand crashes into me. For a moment, I'm almost crushed between the hand of the striking aberrant and the nape of the other, but when I land on the back of the handicapped giant, I brace myself and use all my strength to stop the grotesque limb.

Instantly, my right shoulder explodes in agony with the effort to deter the sudden force, but with a pain filled yell that sounds more like a grunt, I push the hand away with my blades so it slaps the body of the other titan instead of me.

I waste no time in getting out of there.

I hear a couple voices call out as I leap away and land on the nearest rooftop where I have to take a moment to kneel under the sudden pain throbbing my injured shoulder.

"Hey! You guys okay!?"

Following the question, Jean lands solidly a few feet away, breaths coming out of him in minor gasps from the exertion of his hasty retreat.

"Oh man… What the hell… I almost…"

Jean's shaky voice draws my eyes to his shrouded face, the trainee looking shaken even now as he throws a remorseful look at James as the other man slowly stands.

"I almost got you killed." Jean finished mutedly, to which James waves an arm as he holds his head with the other, eyes closed as if warding away pain.

"Not your fault." He answers him quickly, wincing. "It all happened so quick… What happened?"

Before Jean can reply the bewildered man, another voice comes into the picture as Gunther swings his way around a building to reach us.

"You guys alright!?" he calls, scanning a quick glance over all of us, including me.

The other two idiots are fine, but thanks to many years of having fought together, Gunther's eyes aim themselves at my injured shoulder, and the man frowns.

"Corporal…" he begins, but I interrupt him before he can even start.

"I'm fine."

My answer is gruff, but I do well to keep all traces of pain off my features as I stand and let my arms hang. It is only when I speak that James finally seems to notice my presence, opening his eyes to stare at me. The look is almost comical seeing as how his recently broken nose is still swollen to almost twice it's size, but for the moment, I ignore the abnormality and return his gaze with an icy glare of my own. Though it's impossible to decipher what he is thinking, I know exactly what it is that is running through my own mind.

'_I just risked my life for that worthless shit.'_

I want to hate the fact that I just rescued this dumbass from his almost self-imposed death, but really, I can't. I loathe his very existence, but even that is not enough to warrant me just letting him die. He pisses me off, sure, but there is no way I'd let anyone die if I can help it, even bastards like him.

Sometimes, not even I can understand my own moral code.

Before I can think more upon my odd morality, all thoughts are put aside at the sound of blades slicing through flesh, and all of us turn just in time to see Ymir and Krista dispatch the pair of titans behind us before landing.

"So we're taking a lunch break now?" Ymir says with cool snide, casting a narrow eye over all of us while Krista, the more observant one, steps forward with wide eyes.

"Are any of you hurt? Is that why you stopped?" she asks earnestly to which Gunther shakes his head.

"We're fine. Just a close call is all."

Krista lets out a visible sigh of relief.

"That's good. I was worried one of you got injured."

"Takes more than that to get us."

'_Is this guy always so bloated with confidence?' _I growl inwardly at James' cocky answer, watching keenly as the cadet stretches his arms in an almost lazy way.

Mid-stretch, James makes a face that is in-between a grimace and a sneer.

"I had it you know." He states bluntly, and though he keeps his eyes carefully away, I know that the bastard's comment is directed toward me.

For once, I decide to not keep my mouth shut.

"Yeah, you did." I start icily, cutting him down with a heated glare "Only a dumbass would pull off a reckless move like that."

"No one else was gonna do it." He retorts back, still not looking at me. "I was close enough so I struck. What's the big deal?"

"You obviously have no regard for your own life if you're so willing to throw it away like that."

"I just said that I had it under control. I could have killed that injured titan no problem."

"Then what of the other? If it weren't for me you'd be just a bloodied corpse."

"No one said you had to help me."

"Help you? I saved your ungrateful life, you shit."

"Oh yeah, sorry. My bad. That makes me feel a _whole _lot better…"

Anger burns the pit of my stomach, acidic and hot, as I bore my glare into his own challenging stare. I don't know what this kid is trying to accomplish by confronting me. Perhaps this is his pathetic way to regain some of his lost reputation after I slaughtered him yesterday. Whatever the reason, it's nothing but a death wish on his part, and in this battle of intimidation and dominance, James isn't even a contender.

"You got quite the mouth there cadet."

Literal fire burns each of my words as I speak them, slow and menacing, and I relish the sight of slight uncertainty flash in the younger man's eyes as I stare him down.

"I wonder how much money your mother wasted feeding it all these years? At least she can be proud of having born such a successfully egotistical parasite, seeing as your only talent is taking everything your comrades have to offer, as well as being a persistent, disease ridden pain in my ass."

To my great satisfaction, James' eyes snap into focus and I recognize the desire to kill in them.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" he screams at me, and it takes both Jean and Gunther grabbing each of his arms to hold him back when he tries to lunge at me. "Why are you such an emotionless bastard!? Do you just not care at all!? Everyone knows she died in Trost because you elites were too busy doing some worthless shit outside the walls!"

His unquenchable fury is like fuel for my body; each of his anger filled yells and killing glares merely adding to my great pleasure at seeing him struggle. I don't care that the others will think of me as wretched and sick for enjoying the boy's agony. In my own twisted mind and warped since of justice, he deserves every ounce of it and more.

But no matter how much I'm relishing in this moment, the matter at hand comes to me, and I realize with great regret that our time has to end, for the mission is still ongoing. We've wasted too much time as it is.

So with that in mind, I only take one more fleeting second to glare into James' face before turning lazily away.

"At least we are actually trying to do something worthwhile instead of squandering our time trying to boost our ego." I casually throw over my shoulder, not sparring anyone another glance as I walk to the edge of the roof. "Let him go, Gunther. We have a mission to finish, and I'm not going to waste all my time arguing with some pig."

I do not wait for Gunther's reply, nor do I take notice of the stares pointed my way: Jean and Krista leery of me while Ymir seems to study the entire situation with a hidden emotion. With a couple steps, I leap of the edge and sprint away, leaving the whole ordeal far, far behind.

The wind is cool against my skin, but it does nothing to soothe the heat in my chest, and I grimace at the throbbing in my shoulder with each movement I make.

While flying, it's easy to feel lost, alone, secluded from the world around you. Though black spots that represent people flitter about in the distance, they seem insignificant and outside my level of caring for the moment. My mind is too active with its own agenda to take much notice of the world around me, thoughts swirling like a storm about my head with a familiar vengeance.

I'm only half successful in keeping those anxious thoughts away. I do not think of them directly, but off in the deepest corners of my mind, my mind wanders into familiar feelings of anger, irritation, frustration…

And the tightness.

People always say 'out of sight, out of mind', but such a saying is ridiculous. We are on opposite sides of the formation, with her many kilometers away, possibly fighting alongside Eren and Mikasa in an unnamed village to the west. How it is that, even now, she plagues my mind like a virus? No matter what I do it seems, my mind somehow always wanders to her.

'_I'll never understand what she sees in that bastard.' _I muse darkly, frowning though no one will witness it. _'He's a selfish cunt of a soldier with no redeeming qualities from what I've seen. Just another asshole who's bitter about not being skilled enough to make it into the Military Police, of that I'm sure.'_

Whatever the reason may be, it eludes my comprehension, and since striving to find the answer only leads to make me feel more bitter, I mentally force myself to drop the subject altogether. There are more pressing matters at hand.

Narrowing my train of thought so that it only encompasses the stinking bodies of the titans in the distance, I fly on, willing the thrill of battle to distract my already distracted mind.

Avian and that asshat can wait until later.

* * *

Every muscle in my body seems to ache from exertion, but really I'm quite satisfied with how today progressed. Seven villages in the south where completely cleared out with only seven casualties, a record low. Seeing as how this is pretty much our first steps into clearing out Maria for repopulation, the Corps are in a rather celebratory mood despite our fatigue.

Through the closed door of my dorm, I can hear the whoops and animated chatter of soldiers as they walk about in rare high spirits, all excited for the minor celebration to be held tonight once dinner is served. It's so unusual, to see so many genuine smiles on so many faces that it feels unreal to the point that I don't know what to make of it.

It's not that I'm not glad that morale is rising, or seeing recruits able to actually enjoy themselves for the first time in months, it's far from that. It's just, in this line of work where one becomes so accustomed to pain, loneliness, regret, death, that any form of positive emotion is alien and foreign to feel and leaves an uneasiness in the spirit leaving people like me with no idea how to regard such odd feelings.

It's a blessing as much as it is a curse.

'_But I'll take it.'_

Nothing and no one can take away our victory, as small as it might be: not the populace, not the Wall Cult, and especially not the MP's.

'_Oh what I would give to see all their astonished faces right now.' _I think, throwing my jacket on my bed before working on undoing the straps upon my torso. _'Erwin is a lucky man being able to witness the whole damn central government shitting their asses after seeing how much progress we have made. Serves the pigs right; those worthless bags of crap sitting on their ass all day. Shit will come out of them so fast they won't even have time to get out of their luxurious chairs to run squealing to the toilet. I hope they marinate in that filth too.'_

Nothing is much more satisfying than imagining those parasites groveling at our feet in apology for all the shit they've put the Recon Corps through. All those times they've tried their hardest to shut us down and disrupt our efforts to aid humanity.

A single, small smirk and the ghost of a single, dark laugh escapes my lips.

'_Erwin better give them hell.'_

For a moment, I amuse myself with various scenarios where certain government idiots are dismembered and devoured by the very same monsters they've never seen, but before I get too far in, a knock on my door interrupts me.

I stop mid-strap and stare at the door, faintly annoyed at the person on the other side for disrupting my dark musings. Temptation to just ignore it altogether pulls at me, as I have no desire to speak to anyone at the moment, but after a few seconds of silence, I sigh and relent.

'_This better be quick.'_

Taking another short moment to remove the last of my gear straps and toss it upon the bed with my jacket, I make my way to the door and open it just enough for my face to peer out.

My chest gives a slight lurch. Ginger hair greets me first before my eyes fall down to a pair of blue eyes staring up at me with earnest.

"Corporal." Avian greets, nodding her head slightly in respect. "I hope I'm not disturbing you."

I wasn't really expecting anyone to bother me so soon after an expedition, and certainly not by her, but oddly enough I suddenly don't mind this unannounced appearance, though I do take a moment to regard her before answering.

"What is it?" I state simply, face blank.

"I've come to tend to your injury." She replies evenly.

I raise a brow, mildly surprised that she even knows I'm wounded, and when I don't immediately reply, she motions with her head to my shoulder.

"I heard you sprained it early on in the mission, and I made some salve that can help with the ache."

'_Salve?'_

It's then that I notice a small ceramic bowl covered with a lid in her tiny hands, and I muse over it. Did she come all the way up here just for me? Surely there must be something else she wants. Why else would she come and speak to me so willingly? The last time I saw her was after I whooped that bastard's ass, and I fully expect a level of resentment in retaliation, but as I raise my eyes back to hers, I see no hostility. Her eyes look just as they always do.

I really don't know why I'm debating over this matter, I should be glad she is here. I mean, I AM glad, but seeing as the circumstances of our previous meeting were far from best, I watch carefully for any abnormal traits in her behavior.

I don't know why such a small thing like this is bothering me so much, it shouldn't. It's a simple offer, so why is my mind working overtime to try and find some sort of hidden motive? At least she's away from that disgrace of a soldier.

My thoughts bounce back and forth rapidly, but after many tense moments of staring and finding nothing I mentally admit defeat, scowl, and turn back into my room.

"Fine."

Without waiting for her reply I walk back over to my bed and busy myself with taking off my boots as she enters and shuts the door behind her.

"What's in it?" I ask, not looking up as I pull on the laces of my boot. "I'm not going to let anyone slather my body with mysterious goo before I know exactly what it is."

I don't know what was so funny about my last statement, but Avian lets out a small half-smile and faintly awkward laugh before replying.

"Crushed amica, mint, and chamomile for pain and inflammation. I also have lavender oil to sooth the muscles."

"And this mush of plants will help me how." I state flatly, saying more than asking as I finish removing my boots, but I continue before she can go on. "Whatever, as long as it helps. Just know, if this colors my skin or breaks me out in rash then I'll have you work in the storerooms for a month."

Out of the corner of my eye, Avian makes a disgruntled face at my threat, just as I knew she would considering the chore has a high chance of encountering spiders and their nests.

"I assure you, it will do neither of those." She answers flatly as I begin to undo the buttons on my shirt, ready to be rid of the sweaty fabric.

Though I do not look directly at her, I watch her scan the sparse furnishings of my room, and as she does so I do a quick scan of her. She's still in uniform for the most part with the only articles missing being her jacket, gear and, oddly enough, her boots. Her bare footedness takes me aback for a moment, but as far as I can tell she looks relatively untouched; the white fabric of her pants and blouse dotted only by dirt here and there.

"How do you fare?" I question after a while, and when her brows knit in confusion, I motion to her left side with my elbow, hands busy with the clasps of my shirt. "Your injuries. Did they bother you?"

"Oh." She jumps to realization, then shakes her head. "No, they did not. They are holding quite well actually. Tis only a slight stiffness in my shoulder that inhibits movement."

I frown at her answer and narrow my eyes just the slightest bit.

"You've been limping." I reprimand, recalling the slight jerkiness of her legs I spied while watching her the other day.

"Nothing to be done about such a thing. The muscle will never repair itself in full, so the hobble is likely to be permanent." She states with a slightly mulling tone, but just as quickly as it appeared, it disappears again. "I promise that I'm well. The village I went to was not as infested as we first believed, so combat was minimal."

I kind of doubt her casual words at first and watch her a little more with a critical eye, but her expression shows nothing but truth. Once certain that the woman isn't hiding anything from me, I'm aware that I'm strangely relieved to hear that she is uninjured, and a weight in my chest that I didn't even know was there is lifted off.

'_Curious…' _I muse to myself, pondering over the odd sensation as I work through the rest of the buttons of my shirt.

Due to the stiffness in my shoulder, it's takes a slightly embarrassing struggle before I manage to slide the clothing off my arms and throw it on top of the rest of my uniform. As I roll my shoulder in its place to try and ease up some of the tension, I look over and almost stop when I catch the woman's eyes aimed at me. For a long second, I just gaze at her.

I don't really know what to make of Avian staring at me like that. Really, the only people who have seen me half-dressed is the medical staff, and their stares never bothered me. Hell, it's what they're paid to do; look at patients and treat them. Even the female medic's staring never bothered me, though I've always been fully aware of just what they're looking at.

I don't gloat, but I'm keenly conscious of my high level of fitness, of the muscle tone created from years of rigid battle both out in titan territory and in the Underground. It's no question that my physique is something of great envy among other men, even those in the Corps, and I've encountered quite a deal of female attention because of it as well.

But nothing made me feel different about them. I didn't care. They were just people. But in this particular instance, with this particular woman, seeing her gawk at me in that basic human way stirs up a sort of curious emotion I've never felt before. It's different from the warm tightness that sometimes appears in my chest, though that is there too. No, this is more like a pulling, a tugging of some sort from deep inside kind of like a longing, and I'm surprised to find that I actually _like_ the fact that she looks at me that way.

To top it all off, so engrossed is Avian in her staring that I have to make a sound in my throat to gain her attention. At the noise she sort of jerks to attention and her eyes fly up to mine.

"Y.. yes?" she stutters, color flushing her cheeks.

I regard her for a moment, feeling an odd sense of amusement as I watch her cheeks slowly turn pink, and I raise a brow.

"Is there a problem?" I finally say after a while, to which Avian shakes her head slightly.

"N… No sir. " she stumbles, eyes cast elsewhere and redness now moving to her entire face. "Nothing at all."

I watch her for a little bit more, equally fascinated and amused by the embarrassed expression on her features, but I decide to end it before it goes on for too long.

With a final roll, I let my shoulder fall and I give her a blank stare.

"Well?"

Avian blinks, not understanding.

"Where do you want me?" I elaborate.

"Oh."

I can almost see her force her mind back onto the task at hand, and she fiddles with the cup in her fingers.

"There are no chairs so…" She starts, eyes trained on anything else but me. "I guess… the edge of the bed is fine."

Obediently I follow her order and casually take a seat on the edge of the mattress. Soon after, Avian makes her way over, and the mattress dips as she climbs on behind me. Unconsciously, my senses follow her once she is out of sight, and it's like my ears and touch work double in search of her presence.

Nothing happens for a few seconds after she removes the lid of her cup, and I can feel her eyes upon me before, almost hesitantly, her fingers brush the skin of my shoulder, dabbing a bit of cold goop over the joint.

Though she can't see it, I once again lift my brow.

"I never told you which shoulder it was."

I feel the bed quiver a bit as she shrugs.

"It's fairly apparent when only one shoulder has quite a sizable lump of inflamed tissue on it." She answers simply as she dabs a little more goop. "It's quite large."

Before I can reply, her fingers work into the knot, and I grit my teeth against the abrupt pain it causes.

Avian makes a sympathetic sound behind me.

"I apologize, but this has to be worked out. It'll hurt, but I'll try to be as gentle as I can."

"Speak for yourself…" I growl through my teeth, almost half regretting my decision to let this woman tend to me. "You're not the one being kneaded to death. Damn… shit hurts like hell."

"It'll get better, I promise. Just bare with me."

Her fingers digging into the swelling keeps me from replying, and so the next several minutes pass in silent suffering on my part as the woman does her work. After the first minute, all I can smell is crushed greens and a sharpness that has to be the mint, so strong it almost stings. It takes some time, but eventually the smelly plants begin to do their work, and as Avian silently works, the tightness in my muscles slowly begins to loosen up, and the pain gradually subsides to a dull ache.

"There we go…" I hear Avian mutter to herself as the knot finally starts to work out. "Now it should start to feel better."

And unsurprisingly, she's right. Once the initial knot is gone and the pain from it quells, I can actually begin to relax. Her fingers go from points of pain to soothing pressure, and as she works her oddly solid hands over my body, I find myself enjoying the touch.

Now that the tension is no longer a problem, the steady weight of her fingers and the heel of her hand moving over my shoulder is quite nice.

Avian stops only for a moment to scoop up another dab or so more and before beginning her massaging again, hands moving everywhere from the bottom of my shoulder blade to the tops of my arms.

After a while, she breaks the silence.

"Your skin has known a blade."

I raise my head slightly in question to the unexpected statement, and in response, she lightly drags a single finger over my shoulder, following a thin line of raised flesh.

"Your scars." She elaborates calmly, almost pondering. "This breed of wound is only made by the sharpness of a cutting edge."

I make a hum of assurance in response, intrigued by her accurate guess.

"Quite perceptive."

I feel her eyes narrow slightly in thought.

"It only leads me to wonder." She states flatly, and I turn my head slightly so I can see her just out of the corner of my eye.

"What do you wonder?"

Avian tilts her head slightly.

"On how such injuries came about. From what I know, wounds to the back only have two causes: an ambush from an enemy, or betrayal from a friend."

No answer comes to me as a certain level of gravity falls upon us, unspoken but obviously understood.

'_Ambush or betrayal, huh?'_

There is no way for the woman to know just how close to home her deduction strikes. The marks on my body are, indeed, a mixture of both; each old injury a physical manifestation of a time I would rather forget. Both friend and foe have made their grievances upon me and even now, so long after escaping that filth-ridden hell, the shadows of my past still haunt my conscious.

Bitterness rises in my throat , and it takes everything I have not to dwell in the sudden images that flash through my mind; pictures burned into my memory of violence, starvation, betrayal, filth, pain… Friend turning on friend, lovers beating the other to death, lonesome fathers and despairing mothers drowning themselves in liquor and drugs, shoeless orphans living in shit covered boxes…

The next thing I know, the image of a familiar woman hanging by her neck from a rope envelops my mind.

An emotional pain engulfs me then, so powerful that I have to close my eyes against it.

'_Fucking hell…'_

Behind me, Avian stops and the bed dips as she leans around to peer at my face.

"Are you alright?" she asks, and I feel her eyes upon my features, searching.

It takes a deal of effort, but somehow I manage to force the gruesome image away, and I wave Avian away with my hand.

"I'm fine." I struggle to say, taking a few calming breaths before my heart gradually falls back into its normal rhythm.

Avian watches in silence as I force to relax, and only once I'm certain I'm in control of myself again do I finally open my eyes and lift my head.

"It's…" I start, pausing for a moment before deciding to continue. "Just things I'd like to forget…"

Thankfully, I need not say more, and after taking anther second to study my face, Avian eventually returns to massaging my shoulder and the subject is dropped. I'm grateful for the woman's patience, and as more minutes tick by in silence, I take the opportunity to concentrate on the softness of her touch.

It's funny how easily I'm able to calm down when I'm with her. Anywhere else, especially if she is with that bastard James, all I tend to feel is anger and irritation. But when it's just us, it's a whole other story. I don't understand what it is about her that makes her so easy to be around. The woman does almost nothing most of the time, yet in our rare seclusion, I find it nearly effortless to fall into a form of familiarity and comfort.

At some point, the lightness of a melody starts to play under her breath, just as it always does, and I listen to it with an eager ear. It's a new song I've never heard, and with the constant motion of her fingers upon my skin and the light hum of her voice combined, I find myself closing my eyes and just enjoying the serenity of the moment.

A part of myself points out that this instance will soon end, as it's been quite a while since Avian first started, but as time continues to pass on, the woman does not stop. Her thin hands work upon me steadily, from the round of my shoulder down to the blade, then gradually, they make their way up to the crook of my neck.

She spends a good deal of time there, pressing her fingers against the tendons and muscles, even moving up to my hairline before continuing down again to work on my other shoulder.

It occurs to me that there is no reason for her to even bother with that side, but I have no want to stop her. This is such a strange moment of peace, made even more unusual by the fact that it is just Avian and I. It's been so long since the last time we were alone together, and up until now, I never realized just how much I missed those moments. I've been so distracted and emotionally bitter here recently that I've all but ignored the little things that I used to enjoy.

When did things become so complicated between us? I don't get it. One second I'm feeling like myself, and the next it's like my inner rage seems to come out all at once. How can my emotions flip so readily? I've already come to the conclusion that it isn't stress altering my behavior, so just what is the cause if not that?

Thoughts meander and cloud my mind like a dense fog, vast and nearly impossible to see through. Such trouble itches at me with earnest, but it's difficult for me to concentrate on penetrating the cloudiness hindering my mind when the rest of my body and attention seems to yearn toward the soothing presence behind me.

The majority of my being is already lost in the sensation of her tranquility. With each gentle glide of her fingers upon my skin, and the soft hymn of song escaping her lips, a little more of me is spirited away. It's unreal; bizarre; time moving in slow motion as if this entire scene is just a figment of a dream I never knew I had.

I don't want it to end.

I'm hardly aware of Avian shifting slightly, and it takes the slight chime of her voice to draw me out of my daze.

"Corporal…" she starts off softly, not stopping her work.

It takes a surprisingly great deal of effort to draw my mind out of the haze it was in, and I force myself to lift my head.

"What?"

"I just… wanted to thank you."

'_Thank me?'_

At that I turn my head so I can look at her, forcing the ginger to stop.

"Thank me for what?" I inquire.

"For what you did today."

It must be apparent on my face that I have no idea what the hell she is talking about because Avian continues, her steady gaze holding a great deal of gratitude.

"I'm aware that, for some inexplicable reason, you have a prejudice against him, but even with that enmity you still looked out for him. I apologize if this is out of place, but I just wanted to give you my sincere appreciation for saving James' life today."

And just like that, with a single word, all of the peace I was reveling in just a moment before abruptly dissipates, and my face automatically slides itself into a scowl.

"The dumbass nearly got himself killed." I spit out of cruel habit, and at my tone, though her overall expression doesn't change, the lightheartedness in Avian's eyes clouds over.

"I'm aware." She states with a slight strain, but she keeps her gaze on me. "I admit that his actions were not the best given the circumstances, but regardless of such I still thank you for rescuing him."

"I just didn't want another dead body on my hands."

At my harsh rebuke, the woman moves as if she is about to say something in retort, but before she can I speak again.

"How did you know?" I ask curtly, pinning her with a sharp eye.

"James let it slip when I was with him earlier." Avian answers just as curtly. "I was helping him before I came to you, and in the middle of treating him, he mumbled something about not believing you had to help him out of a predicament."

I really couldn't care less about how Avian came to know that I saved his worthless trash ass, but it isn't that particular part of her explanation that hooks my attention. I'm but a statue as I stare her down, and I suddenly begin to feel the familiar heat of anger stir.

"You treated him." I state, to which Avian nods.

"I did. You may not have known, but he injured his shoulder as well defending himself from a giant as we returned to Stohess. Upon our return, I made this salve and treated his torn muscles, which is where I heard about how you were injured."

I've never felt this heated before, and though I've not moved an inch, Avian actually leans back a bit due to the intense fire in my gaze as I stare at her, lost in my own thoughts.

'She touched him.' I catch myself growling in fury, and my mind is consumed with images of her and a half-naked James together.

Bitterly I spit at the sight of her delicate hands rubbing down the skin on his arms and back with a tenderness I thought to be mine alone. It does not matter that it was nothing more than a medical treatment. Knowing she had her hands on him like she just did with me….

In a flash, I abruptly stand.

"I'm getting in the bath." I state bluntly as I walk over to my dresser and roughly rummage through its contents, turning my back resolutely upon the woman. "Thanks for the aid. You're dismissed."

I busy myself with snatching out a fresh pair of trousers and button-up as I listen to Avian's feet hit the floor and the lid of her bowl clink dully in the new, tense silence. Only once I grab what I need do I turn just enough to look at her with a piercing eye.

"Well?"

I know that I'm acting ridiculous, but I don't feel like putting in the effort to behave like the esteemed Corporal I should be. Instead I let simmer in silent rage and let sourness bite my insides and kill what is left of the once tranquil mood.

In response Avian, in turn, regards me with an expression that is impossible to read, and her voice comes out in that forced, generic acknowledgement I've grown accustomed to these past weeks.

"I shall depart then." She says almost emotionlessly.

Avian straightens to give me a solid, albeit impassive salute before she turns and exits through the door, shutting it resolutely behind her.

I don't know why, but even with all the hot acid fueling the burning fury that makes my entire body steam with heat, the room seems significantly colder now that she's gone.

***Authors Note***

I can't apologize enough for how late this is, and it's not even a full chapter…

Okay, I'll keep this short and update y'all on what's going on with me:

I haven't even come close to abandoning this story, AT ALL. I've just been busy. I've literally no time to myself anymore since it was/is the holiday season, and with me going back and forth between working fulltime, driving my boyfriend and another friend to and from work every day, being gone for a week house sitting for yet ANOTHER friend, going to therapy, and having been kind of miffed at having some of my stuff stolen, I just haven't been in the mood to write often. I apologize again.

I promise that I'm still alive, and I will never quit on this story. Updates will just be erratic, and it drives me nuts that it has to be this way. But alas, so is life. Just know that the second half to this two-part chapter should be posted within the week (hopefully), and that I'm currently working on a few chapters for Bird's Eye View that will highlight a little bit of Avian's relationships with her family as well as Squad Levi if anyone is even interested.

Once again, I highly apologize for the terrible quality of this chapter, as well as its lateness and inevitable grammar/spelling errors. I will do my best to write as fast as I can, and I'll go back to replying to each of your reviews in the second half of this chapter.

Until next time,

-Ambi


	24. A Terrible Mistake (Part 2)

Chapter 22:

**A Terrible Mistake (part 2)**

Following the abrupt end of Avian's visitation, I spend the majority of the rest of my day cooped up in my room doing reports, unwilling to make the walk to my office in the off chance that I encounter either her or her dumbass companion.

This sort of resentful stubbornness is unlike me, but for the most part I'm too miffed to care. I always try to keep my façade blank and my emotions restrained whilst out in public, so it's almost a relief to be able to hide out in isolation and just let my rampant feelings play as they will.

Of course, the price of such emotional freedom is that if my emotions are allowed to wander, so are my thoughts. If it's possible, the fog inside my mind is worse than before, and even the warmth of a hot bath and the relief of changing into fresh clothes is not enough to clear the insistent stupor.

'_Why did that woman have to ruin what we had by mentioning that bastard?'_

Once more, my irrational anger flares up again as I mull over the short conversation. If I listened to my conscious, I would know that I was in the wrong for becoming irritated at Avian. All she did was thank me. And yet that simple sign of gratitude was enough to set me off, and now I'm sitting here alone, simmering in my own tempered emotions instead of relaxing against her cooling touch.

I find the entire ordeal incredibly stupid.

'_What the hell was I thinking, letting her help me. The only thing I do around her anymore is get pissed and order her about like an unruly mutt.'_

It's childish, the way the heat of the moment always seems to snare me, and though I always know it's coming, I'm constantly too helpless to fight it. It's infuriating. Never before have I been so unpredictable, wild, unmanageable… and over what? Some puny woman and her shitwad of a sidekick? How disgraceful. I could kick myself for being so utterly ridiculous and unrefined.

With a great sigh, I raise my hand to pinch the bridge of my nose, exasperated by my own actions.

'_I'm acting like a damn brat.'_ I chide myself and for a while, I just stand there in that fashion, mulling over my own flighty behavior.

Soon enough however, I come to the sad conclusion that I can't just stand in my dorm all day, and so I leisurely pull on my pair of shined civilian dress shoes, straighten my fresh cravat and white cotton shirt, grab the black blazer that matches my trousers and head out the door.

There isn't a soul in sight as I make my way slowly downstairs, the gray, stone halls unusually silent for this time of the evening, but such is to be expected. After all, most all of the Recon Corps are probably already in the mess hall enjoying a rare meat filled supper amidst animated conversation and lively atmosphere.

Even now I can just begin to hear the lull of voices and laughter bouncing through the building, steadily growing louder with each step I take. Then, like a wall, a great wave of noise greets me as I open the large cafeteria doors and step inside. Immediately I'm greeted by a the entire room filled to the brim with people, each table filled to maximum capacity or more. Cadets sit upon the table tops or lean against walls in every direction I look, each with bright expressions that are so rare to see. Supper must have been served a while ago for the benches are littered with empty plates and cups and silverware, half the legion having already finished while the other half is still working on round two.

"EH, CORPORAL! OVER HERE!"

At the voice, I turn to my right and see the large, overly boastful smile of Oluo from where he sits waving to me, Eld, Petra, and a very disappointed looking Gunther at his side.

"GUESS WHO JUST WHOOPED GUNTHER'S ASS IN A ROUND OF CARDS, HAHA!" the brazened man yells victoriously as I make my way over, earning him a half-playing, half-serious punch to the arm from Gunther.

"It was one game, don't inflate your humongous ego more than it already is." Gunther states through a jesting smirk. "Doubt you can pull another win."

"You wanna have another go at it? I'll beat you down just as hard as before."

"This isn't a contest, Oluo." Petra frowns over the table at the zealous man. "I swear, you always take these thing too seriously… turning everything into a competition…"

As Gunther takes up the cards and begins to shuffle them, Oluo merely shrugs in reply.

"I'm a competitive man. It's not my fault the rest of you sissies aren't up to my level."

"Oh brother…"

Instead of trying to argue with him, Petra smartly resides to laying off the subject with an exasperated sigh, the woman looking one-hundred percent done with his shit.

The usually quite Eld lets out a lighthearted chuckle at Petra's expense, and throws me a rare smile as I silently take a seat by him.

"Came at a good time, Corporal." He greets me, nodding in respect before turning back to the male duo. "Bet you've never seen two grown ass men scream over a card game, have you?"

"No." I admit flatly, watching as Gunther deals the cards between Oluo and himself. "But they've done other mindlessly childish things before, so I can't say I'm surprised. Some days I truly wonder whether they are really adults or just overgrown, immature brats."

My voice has its usual bite when I answer, but as Oluo and Gunther go on with their game, both males getting way too excited and invested in the simple endeavor, I'm secretly thankful that they are actually enjoying themselves. It's so rare for us to have the time or stability to even bother with such trivial things, so to witness my comrades have a moment to let their hair down and actually be themselves is a small miracle in itself.

The energy inside the hall is infectious, lively to the point where even I am coaxed into a place of contentment. With so much activity, I pass the time by surveying the vast room about me.

From my vantage point near the edge of the hall, I can just barely see the bright blonde hair of Mike as he speaks to Erwin near the opposite corner, their heads close together as they lean against the wall in such a casual manner that it looks almost weird. Not too far from them, I spy a small group of Garrison soldiers of whom I'm unfamiliar with speaking amongst themselves, waving their hands as if telling some amazing story. For a moment, I believe I see the bald head of Commander Pixis, but it's gone so fast it's hard to discern. Of course, the man is more than likely precariously drunk somewhere in the vicinity.

'_Booze hogging old man. It's a wonder he's ever sober enough to function correctly, not to mention make rational decisions and command an army.'_

Alcoholic musings aside, I continue my scan, eyes dragging themselves over every face lit up with joy. Not too far from me Krista and Ymir sit alone with each other, the brunette looking utterly bored while the blonde speaks to her offhandedly, small plate of fruity dessert in hand.

On the opposite end two members of SOAR, Gauche and Zaji, sit quietly, both men seeming to find more enjoyment in watching the activity happening about them more than joining in it themselves. For just a fraction of a second, my gaze lingers on the white-blonde. Though I've only had one real conversation with him back when the special squad was first created, it's very apparent that the man just hasn't been the same since Roda's death earlier this year. Even from this distance I can tell that his usual carefree character has yet to come back to his eyes. I make a mental note to try and keep an eye on him; who knows what grief will drive a person to do.

With a final assessing glance, I cast my eyes over the rest of congregation until they fall upon what I had been subconsciously looking for the entire time. There, at a table two away from mine , sit the 104th trainees goofing off just as they always do. At the forefront of the table Jean and Connie stand in their seats, arms locked in an evenly matched arm wrestle while the rest of their peers watch on in crazed excitement.

"Just… give up… already…!" Jean struggles to say, sweat beading on his forehead as he stares Connie down. "You know who's… going to win… this!"

"Connie will never lose to you!" Sasha retorts back from where she watches with wide eyes behind Springer, arms pumping in the air as she cheers. "You can do it! Feel the power!"

At her voice, Connie's brows knit in extreme effort, and very, very slowly, Jeans arm begins to buckle.

"Take… This…!" the young boy grunts, pushing all his might into his arm, making Jean's buckle even more. "Ultimate…! Secret…! Power….! Activate….! SUPER MUSCLE BOOSTER ATTACK!"

With a great heave, Connie yells at the top of his lungs, the energy enveloping the two combatants rising to a boiling point until the sharp smack of flesh hitting wood abruptly ends it. Immediately Jean lets out a great shout and raises his arms in the air in a grand 'V'.

"HA! NOW WHAT DID I TELL YOU CONNIE! NO ONE CAN STOP THE INCREDIBLE JEAN!"

Jean breaks out into triumphant laughter as Connie and Sasha both just gape at him with wide eyes and mouths, unable to comprehend what just happened.

"I… I blew it… I lost…" Connie mutters in disbelief as Sasha suddenly breaks into tears behind him.

"NO! How is this possible! No one has ever beaten your Ultimate Super Muscle Booster Super Power!" she cries as she pulls at her hair.

"I won fair and square." Jean slyly smirks, fully enjoying his victory. "Now what was my prize again? Both of your dessert privileges for a month?"

At that, Connie joins Sasha in her hysterical crying.

"Why did I have to bet that…" he mutters despairingly, gazing off into the distance while Sasha openly sobs.

"MY FOOOOOD!"

Leaving the two idiots to their self induced misery, Jean turns away and gazes victoriously at the rest of the cadets.

"I honestly thought Connie had you there for a second." Eren says in awe, to which Jean laughs.

"He never stood a chance. I like the guy, but he's about as strong as used toilet paper."

"Still, it was pretty close until the end." Armin interjects from where he sits beside Jean, obviously trying his best to save what's left of Connie's arm wrestling dignity.

"Jean has superior endurance. That's why he won." Mikasa, who's next to Eren, adds on quietly, face as unreadable as always.

"I couldn't agree more."

At the voice, my eyes and ears instantly hone in on its direction and, from behind Mikasa's form, Avian's ginger hair peeks out.

"Though I do have to say…" she continues evenly, eyes cast up to Jean. "…I'm not certain the matchup was entirely fair considering the vast size and physique gap between you and Connie."

At her comment, Jean merely lets out another shrug.

"Oh well. He should have known better than to challenge me." He states flatly, to which Connie swiftly retorts.

"Hey, she's right!" he states, determination hardening his face. "And I wasn't really ready. I demand a rematch Kirstein!"

"Eh… I think I'll pass." Jean answers lazily as he finally sits down and rests his cheek on his fist, smirk playing on his features. "I admire your determination but you've got to learn to cut your losses buddy. I'm only interested in a_ real_ challenge."

"You want a challenge?"

From his place beside Avian, James lets out a hidden smirk.

"If a true challenge is what you want, I'm game." he states, all eyes on him, and Jean considers the other man for a moment before replying.

"You sure you want to do that? I wrecked Connie, and I'll wreck you too."

"Oh please. Now you just sound like you're reaching. Is that supposed to be intimidating? Because if it is, then you failed miserably. Everyone here knows I'll whoop your ass."

"Let's put that to the test then, since you're so confident."

With a firm shake to wake up his limb, Jean aims his eyes at James and sets his elbow upon the table.

"Let's try it. Loser has to do the others chores for a week."

At that, James smirks, rolls up the sleeve of his shirt revealing an arm surprisingly round with muscle, and clasps his hand around Jean's.

"You're on."

Like a trigger, the trainees all burst into conversation, each placing bets on the two combatants.

"Jean's totally gonna win. Trust me. I would know." Connie bets, while Sasha shakes her head vigorously.

"NO! James will! Break his arm for taking my food, James! BREAK IT."

"Come on guys... it's not that serious..." Eren tries to intervene, but next to no one pays him any attention aside from Armin, who watches the two rival brunettes with interest.

"I'm kind of curious, actually. Both Jean and James are both pretty much the same body wise, though James is a bit burlier. Outright strength will probably be the winning factor here."

"I agree." Mikasa states flatly, watching on with an unreadable expression. "James will win."

At her statement, Jean's face sinks, then turns up in fierce determination.

"I'm not going to lose to him!" He retorts sharply, looking very hurt by her raven haired woman's lack of confidence in him, and roughly glares at the calm looking youth opposite him.

"Hey, don't get mad at me." James shrugs nonchalantly. "Mikasa knows who's the strongest here."

"Just shut up." Jean spits, but before he can say something else, a light voice intervenes.

"Don't let this get out of hand, now." Avian chides both of them with a sharp eye before she retakes her place beside James and lays a gentle hand on his shoulder, making my insides twist with displeasure. "Of course, I do have to say that James has my bet. I'm sorry Jean."

"Whatever, let's just get this over with."

From then, everyone hushes down, all eyes trained on the interlocked fists of the two males, and suddenly the air around the table seems to build with energy. Even from where I sit, I can almost feel the animosity charging between the two of them, and I wait with great expectancy for Kirstein to break that bastard's arm in half.

"You ready for this?" James smirks over their fists, earning him a determined glare.

"Let's just freaking start already."

Beside them, Sasha jumps up.

"Alrighty then! I'll ref!" she says with enthusiasm, placing her hand over theirs. "Ready?"

Both males nod, Jean stiff and frowning while James waits with that same damn smirk on his face.

"Okay!" Sasha announces, then begins counting down. "3... 2... 1... GO!"

And just like that, it's over. Almost faster than the blink of an eye, a hand slaps loudly against the wooden table and everyone sitting there is rendered almost speechless, including Jean himself.

"That's impossible..."

"Now what did I tell you?" James declares casually, easing his hand out of Jean's from where it lays half limp against the table. "Hope you're looking forward to your date with horse shit, 'cause you'll be there all day when tomorrow comes."

Jean can only sit there in complete shock, staring at his hand upon the table while the rest of the group erupts in noise, kids letting out amazed gasps and awe-filled exclamations.

"That was amazing!" Connie gapes while Sasha makes a little dance behind him.

"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! Take THAT Kirstein! That's what you get for taking my sustenance away from me!"

"Man! He really got ya, didn't he horse-face?" Eren taunts, but Jean does nothing in response, still recovering from his swift and utter defeat.

"I tried to warn him." James shrugs and leans back in answer to the young shifter as if it was no big deal. "Jean-y boy just doesn't have what it takes."

"You can't blame him for trying," Avian pipes in beside him, a smile breaking her face. "though I have to admit that that was much swifter than I believe any of us anticipated. Of course, I should have suspected as much considering your physique. Jean is technically more agile, but you have superior strength."

"Ha! I guess that was kinda quick, but you're right." James looks back at her with that haughty smile I loathe. "You're one of the few intelligent people here who knew he stood no chance. I mean come on..."

At this, he lifts up his arm and flexes it in such a narcissistic fashion it makes me sick.

"After all those years of metal working with my dad, of course I'm the strongest here. Being a smith is no game, I tell ya."

"I can only imagine!" Avian chuckles, and I hate the way she smiles at him. "I never doubted."

"I know."

I hate it, absolutely hate it, but I just can't bring myself to look away as they talk. I force myself to watch them exchange careless words and glances, and I don't miss how Avian sits close to him, or how her eyes seem to lighten when he speaks to her, though thanks to them now talking in whispers, I have no idea what James is saying. Whatever it is, it's enough to make her sheepish and fidget in her seat in that embarrassed girly way.

Acid burns my insides at the sight.

I've all but forgotten about the group I'm sitting with. None of them seem to have the nerve to disturb me, though a portion of me wishes they would so I'd have an excuse to tear my attention away from the fluttering pair. But such a wish doesn't come to pass. Instead, I'm left to mull over them and my own thoughts, torturing myself silently until after many, many minutes of anguish, a distraction arrives to call my attention away. Unfortunately, it isn't in the way I wish it to.

"What a surprise seeing you down here, Levi! I figured you'd be sulking up in your office like you always do now-a-days!"

Following that boisterous announcement, an arm drapes itself over my shoulders and Hanji happily plops herself down beside me with obviously no respect for my personal space. I know I wished for a distraction, but this isn't what I had in mind.

"Get your filthy arm off me, shitty glasses." I growl without looking at her and shove her offending appendage away with a great deal of roughness.

"Well you're more prickly than usual." Hanji smiles, not bothered by my rude action and contents herself with lounging beside me. "Something bothering the great Lance Corporal today?"

"Shut up before I shove my blades down your throat."

"Aw don't be like that! What happened to friendly conversation!? It's not my fault you're always in a bad mood."

"I don't give a shit."

I really don't feel like dealing with this lunatic's antics today, but try as I might the insistent woman either doesn't seem to get the hint or she just doesn't care. Either way, her energetic charisma isn't hampered by my foul attitude.

"So what's eating at you? Your death glares have been exceptionally more potent lately."

I make a show of resolutely ignoring her, but the scientist doesn't give up. Instead, she changes tactics. Instead of asking another dumbass question, Hanji leans back with me and follows my gaze to where it is still glued to Avian as she leans heavily over James' shoulder, watching him write something on a piece of paper.

"It's so good to see that my little test subject found herself some friends!" Hanji states nonchalantly, watching the pair of younger cadets as well. "I was so worried that no one would bother trying to get to know her considering how odd she is and where she came from, but I'm glad she proved me wrong! Avi really is such a great girl once you get to know her, I don't even know why I worried!"

_'She is great.'_ I catch myself before I realize what I'm thinking, and I frown slightly at the unexpected thought.

"She's just so cute and she likes everybody. How could she NOT make friends!?" Hanji continues with a great grin on her face. "Of course, who could have ever guessed that she'd find a _special someone_ so quickly!"

At her sly comment, Hanji finally succeeds in distracting me and I drill a heated glare through her stupid skull.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I spit with anger, to which she merely gapes.

"What do you mean 'what is that supposed to mean'? Don't tell me you're blind as well as emotionless!" the scientist jibes, completely unaffected by my murderous look as she waves her hands in the pair's direction. "Just LOOK at those two! It's glaringly obvious that they have a thing going on."

"No. They don't." I curtly respond, not letting up my glare.

"How can you say that!? You haven't even been paying attention!"

"Of course I have!" I growl unexpectedly, then catch myself and lean back again, struggling to remain composed. "Conner is under my command, I HAVE to keep an eye on her dumb ass."

Hanji tilts her head disbelievingly and pins me with an oddly knowing look.

"You're a terrible liar, you know that?" she chides lightly. "Did you really forget how you pretty much ignored her existence for several months last year? Ya know, after your big fight? I'd be surprised if you remembered anything that happened dealing with her during that time, as fed up as you were."

"What does that have to do with now?" I continue to glare.

"It has EVERYTHING to do with now!" Hanji exclaims, throwing her arms in the air for emphasis. "If you had really paid attention back then, then there would be no way you'd be surprised by what's happening now! You're acting like Avi and James hanging out together constantly is a new thing."

Instantly, my ears perk and I sort of stop in my tracks.

_'Acting? What the hell does she mean by that? '_ I ponder, thinking she must be spitting more of her psycho nonsense, but somewhere deep inside, I know that there is more to it than that.

"It IS new..." I try to retort, though it isn't very effective.

My effort is only greeted by a skeptical look on Hanji's part.

"You can be so oblivious sometimes." she mutters, half to herself. "You can't possibly believe that. Those two have been pretty much inseparable since your huge blowup during New Years. I'm serious, all they have ever done is hang out and talk together, but you probably didn't notice because you were too busy moping and being grumpy."

_'She's lying.'_ is my first instinct, but even I know through my stubborn denial that Hanji is right.

Of course their friendship wouldn't just pop out of nowhere. It developed over time, just like anything else. And of course I never noticed their growing relationship because I was too determined to stay pissed off instead of actually paying attention like I should have. I really have no one to blame but myself, but that doesn't keep me from feeling that familiar hot rage that permanently sits in my chest.

Even now I'm aware of how it is flaring up, flickering like a flame as I watch the two interact from across the tables. The tranquility from this afternoon has all but vanished, and I wish nothing more than to sock that bastard in the face and take his place by her side. I'm more worthy of her attention that he is, the cocky bastard.

But no matter how I feel, I can do nothing except watch whenever Avian laughs at something he does, or grow shy at his whispered words. It's like he is working some sort of spell on her, and it's working.

I'm not conscious of time, or anything else for that matter, so I don't even realize that I'm glaring at them until Hanji shifts beside me.

"It bothers you, doesn't it?"

At her words, I sharply turn without letting up my glare.

"Now what makes you say some stupid shit like that." I spit, but as always the woman is unaffected, and even smiles in amusement at my deadly tone.

"Because it's written all over your face!" she laughs, glasses glinting in the light. "You may be good at keeping your emotions hidden, but you're not perfect all the time. Certain things get the better of you, like this for example."

I narrow my eyes in irritation at her and let out a sneer.

"Tch. You don't know what the hell you are talking about."

"Oh, I think I do."

"No, you don't. You're a lunatic who spends every waking moment either fantasizing about titans or studying people."

"EXACTLY!"

I have to lean back as Hanji throws her arms up in the air again with careless abandon, and her smile only grows wider.

"I study people! I watch their habits, their quirks, the kinds of food they eat, the number of times they take a crap, ALL of it! If there is anyone who knows about the soldiers here in the Corps, it's me! And this includes you and our little shifter over there!"

For a tense moment, I just glare at her, unable to come up with a good retort, and by the way Hanji smiles, it's easy to tell that she knows she beat me into a corner.

"Will you listen to me NOW!?" she offers, though there isn't much question in her voice and she just continues on before I can answer. "Them being together bothers you because Avian is spending more time with James instead of you. Something is forming between you two that is driving you up a wall, and from the looks of it, this 'thing' only confuses you, because you have no idea why she'd rather be with him instead. Right?"

I take a long minute to just glare at her, silently wishing she would just drop the subject and leave, but when that doesn't happen, I content myself with shutting my eyes and turn away.

"The guy is an arrogant cunt. Why would ANYONE want to be around him." I answer heatedly, and I can almost hear Hanji's brain shift gears.

"He isn't THAT arrogant, and he's quite funny once you get to know him." she counters.

"I have a hard time believing that, especially from your mouth."

"It's true! You'd know this if you actually tried to get to know the guy. You might enjoy his company. His casual mouth is as dirty and coarse as your own!"

"Now that's a laugh. Who in their right mind would like to spend their time with some lazy, snotty brat like him?"

"Avian does."

_'Of course she does.'_

It's a predicament I have yet to figure out. The boy is nothing but bad news, yet she insists on spending almost every waking moment with him. Why?

"I don't get what's so good about him." I unconsciously mutter aloud, opening my eyes to glare at the pair again. "What makes him so damn special..."

"Lots of things really."

I'm startled out of my daze, not having realized I spoke aloud, and I turn to look at Hanji who has her chin between her fingers in a contemplating way. For a second, I really don't want to her to continue, but since I already slipped up and spoke my pondering out-loud, I might as well hear what she has to say. I'm too annoyed to do anything otherwise, and a small bit of curiosity also fuels my decision to not immediately rebuke her future answer.

"For one..." Hanji continues, looking into the distance. "... he's closer to her age, so that has to help. And he is actually nice to her, too."

"I'm plenty nice to her." I growl, but Hanji just laughs.

"You're about as nice as Keith Shadis on recruitment day." she chuckles in reply, earning her a more heated glare from me. "Hey, don't get mad at me because you don't know how to treat people like actual human beings."

"Why should I when they all act like brainless titans."

"Because if you did, Avian might be here talking with you instead of me."

My growl deepens and my chest constricts with some negative emotion.

"See?" Hanji points out, seeing something in my features. "You know I'm right."

"It doesn't matter..."I try to divert her attention. "I can't talk to people. So what? Doesn't change the fact that Tucker is a pathetic excuse for a soldier."

"He doesn't have to be."

"What do you mean 'he doesn't have to be'!?" I suddenly spit out of frustration. "What does he have that I don't!? I'm more skilled than he is. I'm of higher rank. I'm more experienced, faster, stronger, smarter, deadlier. I've killed droves more titans than that asshole. I'm Humanity's Strongest for God's sake! I'm superior than him in EVERYTHING."

With each word, anger and frustration slowly builds and makes my voice rise of its own accord. I'm pissed, oh I'm so pissed. I just don't understand what Avian sees in him. I kicked his ass just yesterday. I PROVED that I'm better than that shit-stick, yet here she is spending time with him instead of me and my squad. It makes no sense!

Beside me, Hanji watches my inner dilemma in observant silence before breaking up my rage.

"It takes more than trivial things like those to get her to notice you."

It's such a simple statement, with none of Hanji's usual jibing, and both of us just let it hang in the air as I contemplate over its significance.

_'More than trivial aspects? What more is there?'_

As if in answer to my mental question, Hanji looks at me in an uncharacteristically serious manner.

"You can't rely on that alone, you know." she says mildly, and I can't help but cast a side glance at her. "That's why James is getting so close to her. He spends time with her, he's kind to her, they laugh together and is able to take a friendly jibe if need be. I've seen them together out by the bonfires after every mission, supporting one another. He's PERSONAL with her. Listen…"

At this, Hanji focuses her glasses right on me.

"If you want to get closer to her, you need to be more personal; drop that Corporal-Subordinate relationship crap. All that other stuff is good in its own right, but it takes more than a high kill record or some flashy moves with titan slaying blades to get someone to fall for you."

At her final comment, red hot emotion flares up and I cast a look like death at her.

"Who the hell said anything about making her fall for me!?" I spout, for once letting all my irritation play on my features. "You're as stupid as you look if you truly believe that something as ridiculous as that is what this conversation is about."

My tone could not be more serious or threatening, but Hanji just lets out one of her boisterous laughs and returns my heated glare with an oddly knowing look that I can't place.

"Say what you want, Levi, if it helps you sleep at night." she slyly comments which only annoys me further. "But I'm telling you the truth. You complain about how she spends more time with him than with you, yet you're unwilling to change. That isn't how this stuff works."

"So you're an expert on me and relationships now?" I growl, sarcasm dripping from my words.

Hanji just smiles back.

"I like to think I am! Who else willingly puts up with your grumpy butt!"

I want nothing more than to stab this idiot in the throat, but before I can move to grab a knife, she continues.

"But quit trying to change the subject, I'm trying to help you! And don't even try to tell me that you don't need it, 'cause you do."

I just glare at her, but Hanji must take my silence for acceptance because she raises her hand and begins to count off her fingers.

"One: Cut that Corporal-Subordinate crap off. You don't have to be her commanding officer 24/7." she starts, then raises another finger. "Two: For God's sake use her name. It's really not that hard. Three..."

"Wait." I interrupt her, not enjoying her stupid list at all. "What the hell do you mean by 'use her name'? I do."

"Oh no you don't." Hanji counters, shaking her head.

"Yes, I do." I argue back, yet Hanji just shakes her head again, looking exasperated.

"Her surname doesn't count! Geez, you've known her for almost a year now and you STILL refer to her by her last name. How do you expect to get personal when you won't even bother calling her by her ACTUAL name!?"

Instinctively I open my mouth to give her a swift, acidic retort, but I stop midway and nothing comes out.

_'She's right...'_ I ponder in wonder, thinking back as far as I can to every meeting Avian and I have ever had.

I never even realized what I was doing. I THINK her name, that's no problem, but whenever I'm actually speaking to her, I always call her 'Conner'. I mean... I DID refer to her as 'Avian' way back in the beginning, when my squad and I stayed in her home that one week, but after that...

For a moment, I take time to reflect on this sudden realization, slightly astounded that I'd never noticed it before.

_'Have I really not paid attention to ANYTHING!?'_

"See?"

I'm drawn out of my daze and re-center my eyes on Hanji.

"You can't remember a time, can you?"

My eyes must betray me, for Hanji continues on before I can answer.

"Use her given name." she states again, looking at me hard for emphasis before turning back to her fingers. "Three: Spend time with her outside of the Corps. All you ever have her do is help you in your office, and that's HARDLY fun. Only YOU like to stay inside all day with your brooms and reports, Levi."

"Shit needs to get done." I state flatly, but Hanji ignores me completely.

"Four: Tell her about yourself. With that honest blabbermouth of hers, I'm sure she's pretty much told you everything about herself, but knowing you, you've never returned the favor. Conversations like that go both ways, you know. And finally, just be social. You don't have to talk as much as I do, but come on; you have the social skills of a titan. A retarded titan…"

At last, Hanji looks up from her five raised fingers to me, that huge, idiotic grin plastered on her face.

"Just remember those few things and I'm sure it'll turn around before you know it!" she announces proudly, chin up.

"Thanks for the tips...", is my only strained reply, deeply annoyed by the fact that the woman believes she needs to coach me.

I yearn to cut her down with more sharp words, but I cut them off when Hanji lets out a sudden sound and her attention focuses hard on something to my side. Following her gaze, I see now that both Avian and James have left the table, and my eyes automatically scan the entire room in a quick sweep before I find them speaking to Gauche on the other side of the hall.

Their backs are facing toward me, but from the way the Senior warrior listens, it's seems as if Avian is asking him something. In response, the blond replies, albeit subdued, and Avian says something in return. For a moment, a small, grateful smile crosses the man's face, the most emotion I've seen on him for a long while, and he gently nods and obviously thanks her for something.

Avian then gives him a quick hug, which is funny because the friendly gesture doesn't bother me as it normally does when the ginger does it to Tugger, and together she and James leave him be and begin making their way toward us.

I expect them to retake their seats, but instead they walk right past them, and to my inner surprise, they keep coming until both take a stop in front of me. For a moment, all three of us stand in tense silence, each looking at each other until, after a good deal of time passes, Avian speaks.

"Corporal, Gauche told me to ask you instead, but may I…"

"No."

The woman blinks at my blunt interruption, and I don't even bother hiding the animosity spawning in my gaze when I feel James' eyes bore into me.

"No? But you know not what it is I wish to ask." Avian states simply, confusion coloring her features.

My own features remain narrow and stony.

"I don't care. The answer is no."

"That isn't fair."

"Tough shit. No is no."

You could cut the air, as taut as the tension between the three of us is. Avian watches me with a mix of emotions ranging from perplexity to slight annoyance while James seems to be doing his best to mentally set me on fire. I return each of their gazes with equal bitterness, not caring that my negative attitude isn't justified. I wish nothing more than to break them down into submission and finally be rid of their ridiculous interaction, but unfortunately the desired effect never comes to pass.

"You have some balls talking to her like that." James eventually growls, the much larger man glowering with rage. "All she wants is to ask a simple question."

"And I'm her superior officer, meaning I can listen, or NOT listen, to my subordinates as much as I like." I fire back with just as much heat.

Along with their eyes, I can also feel Hanji's as she watches us a seat away, eyes alert as if she were observing an interesting experiment. I forcefully push her existence into the back of my mind, but the scientist has other ideas.

After a few more moments of heavy silence, she leans forward and grins welcomingly at the two.

"Oh don't mind him." She smiles as she waves me off with a careless hand. "He's just in one of his moods. You know how he gets."

"Stay out of this Hanji."

It's a direct order, but as to be expected, she neither listens nor gives acknowledgement that she even heard me in the first place and focuses on Avian.

"What is it you wanted to ask?" she questions kindly.

"HANJI."

Oh, I'm going to murder this woman. How dare she undermine me like this! And in front of that asshat! But none of my rage even fazes the brunette.

"You can tell me you know." Hanji continues, just as chipper as ever. "Hurry up before Mister Grumpy Pants kills us all."

Frustration only grows as Avian's eyes widen slightly in realization, and she swiftly obeys Hanji without even giving me a second thought.

"May I go out with James to the market tomorrow to buy some things?" the woman quickly asks, and my fists clench.

'_Over my dead fucking body!'_

"Why of course!"

"NO!"

Both Hanji and I answer at the same time, but it is Hanji that reacts first.

"Oh hush it." She brushes me off, giving me a challenging look before turning back to Avian and James. "That's perfectly fine! You guys have fun!"

"Oh thank you so much!"

Before I can move a muscle, Avian bows her head to Hanji in thanks and swiftly dashes away with that idiot at her heels. Once they are gone, Hanji makes a satisfied sound, then turns her head lazily to me looking utterly pleased with herself.

"Something the matter, Shorty?"

In answer, Hanji lets out a yelp of surprise as I suddenly grab her collar and yank her to me so her face is mere inches from mine, and I unleash the full ferocity of my fury.

"What the fuck was that!?" I spit venomously, boiling with rage. "You're a real piece of work undermining me like that, shitty glasses! Why the hell did you tell her yes to such a ridiculous request!? I'M responsible for her stupid ass, not YOU."

Beneath my grip, Hanji gasps for air, but that amused smile never leaves her face.

"What's the… big deal…?" she chokes out, her reply almost sounding like a laugh. "They're going on ***cough* **a date. So what ***cough***?"

I don't even know how my anger can grow anymore than it already has, but I don't believe I've ever been so enraged.

"I have no qualms in listening to your pathetic neck snap, Zoe." I spit, and I'm faintly aware of my squad moving behind me, but I push them away. "Now answer me. Why in the FUCK did you say yes!?"

"The girl needs some out-time." Hanji chokes out again, still smiling. "Plus, I just couldn't resist! They ***cough* **really are so cute together, and I just LOVE watching their ***cough* **relationship develop! Have you heard the way James speaks to her? So suave!"

"There is NOTHING developing between her and that swine! You can't just go around ordering MY subordinate around!"

"Technically ***cough* **I can. I'm of higher rank than you, so my orders weigh more than yours." Hanji tacks on offhandedly while staring straight into my eyes with that damned amused expression on her face.

Suddenly, I can't stand to be here anymore.

Without another word I roughly shove Hanji away, hard enough to send her off her seat and bang her head against the floor, and stalk away. I don't even bother to register the voices of my teammates calling out after me, but in a matter of seconds, they are abruptly cut off as I storm my way through tables filled with wide-eyed cadets and out the door, slamming it firmly behind me.

Without thinking I make my way upstairs to my dorm and lock myself inside, ignoring the sharp pain in my hands. I had been clenching my fists in fury so hard that my nails bit into the flesh, but such pain is the least of my concerns.

Avian is going on a date with that fucktard.

Just the word 'date' is enough to send me spiraling into a red hot rage of chaotic emotion. How DARE she! Why in the hell would that bitch WILLINGLY spend time with that man!? He's a joke, a fucking disgrace!

Over and over curses bludgeon my mind while I stand in place, simmering in unfamiliar vehemence. I hate it. I fucking hate it. Why the hell does she do this to me!? Why does she make me feel this way!?

Frustration boils over with no good outlet, leaving me to pace rapidly and pinch the bridge of my nose in a pathetic attempt to calm myself down.

This has never happened to me before. I've never been at the point to where another person's interest in company has driven me to rage-induced violence. It makes no sense, but I simply can't help the way my emotions seem to take a mind of their own. They exhaust me, wreck my body, steal my peace and interfere with simple tasks. I've never felt emotion so potent, and I've no idea how to handle such great power.

I don't understand why, but Avian drives me crazy. Everything she does is like a signal to the deepest parts of my being, yielding feelings that I never knew existed. It's not fair how she can affect me in such a way, and why only her? Why only with _him_?

It's stupid. Avian can interact and hug Gauche or Eren or any of my squad and I couldn't care less, but the moment she even LOOKS at James, acid starts to churn in my stomach and heat rises in my chest.

He's a pure annoyance, a rage inducing infuriation that flitters about me like a damn fly. I hate him. I wish nothing more than to send cold metal sheering into his chest and feel his lifeblood spill over my hands.

To anyone else, such thoughts as these would be entirely uncalled for and grotesquely violent, but to me they are a familiar comfort. How many other men have I killed for reasons more petty than this? I still remember the look of shock on Farlan's face when I returned home that one rainy night after Isabel returned to us beaten up with her hair chopped off. I had no qualms in carrying a bloodied shank then, such detestable vermin deserve to die.

James is just as detestable.

I don't know what it is about him, but _something_ is off. I can sense it every time I lay eyes on him, or hear it in the treble of his voice when he speaks. There is a hint of something that I'm sure only I can detect; a sort of feral tinge that is so common down in the Underground. I've heard it many times, and every man I've killed had that same tinge in their voice, the same language of body and attitude as if they are above every other living thing they come across. It's there, I know it is.

But no one else seems to see it.

For a moment, more frustration bubbles up, but this time instead of letting it grow, I swiftly squash it back down.

'_Such lack of control is useless.'_ I chide myself. _'What's done is done. Let them have their damn fun.'_

With nary another thought, I let out a forced sigh and go about removing my clothes. It's still early in the evening, but I have no want to stay up any longer. My whole body aches, and for now, I'll ignore the work still sitting upon my desk in my office and follow the insistent nudging of temptation and slip into bed.

The cool sheets work wonders as they rest upon my body, but it takes a while for my mind to follow suit. It's so jumbled that I can't think straight, thoughts rebounding off the corners of my skull with a deft sharpness that can rival the very titan slaying blades I wield with such ease.

For now, I yearn for nothing more than to put those thoughts away and fall into nothingness. I'm tired of battling with myself. So with great effort, I turn to face the blank stone wall and close my eyes.

I eventually succumb to the darkness with Hanji's words still ringing in my ears, but it's Avian's face that is the last thing I see.

* * *

Morning comes swift, bright, and warm, stirring me awake with gentle light casting bars of yellow into my room and soft melodies of birdsong to quicken my mind.

I stand and go about my morning routine, just as I always do, but for an unexplainable reason my body and mind feel strangely still. Perhaps it was a good rest that I needed, or maybe I'm simply too exhausted to keep up with my normal emotional turmoil, but I find myself oddly calm in light of the fury I had induced just a few hours before. It isn't a positive mood, but nor is it negative. It's somewhere in-between, a mere acceptance or realization of self somehow grasped whilst I was in dreamless sleep.

This new state of mind is not due to my forgetting of anger. I fell into unconsciousness with thoughts of Avian plaguing my mind, and to those very same thoughts I awoke this morning, but my outlook on them seems to have shifted.

As emotionally wracked as I was the night before, Hanji's words struck cords in me so strong that they remain in the forefront of my attention, even after a full night of rest. I don't know why, but what she said to me then seen oddly profound, and I find myself considering them, something of which I've never done before.

For once, the scientist's words were more than just titan gibberish for me to ignore. The words spoken then were, as much as I am reluctant to admit, undeniable truth. And it is those very words that are more than likely fueling my current state, causing me to take a moment and truly consider their gravity.

'_I need to think.'_

As it is a brilliant place to ponder over worrisome thoughts, I close my eyes while I soak in a bath, letting the warm water lull my senses and set my mind free to wander as it pleases. For a long time, I lay there in silence, not really planning what it is that I am doing, yet unwilling to move nevertheless. With water playing on my skin and the song of birds sweeping to my ears, I take this moment to meditate.

I examine myself.

Without moving, I dig deep into my being and, for the first time, I truly investigate what emotions lie there. As is so common to me now, a swatch of ginger and a pair of cool, blue eyes play behind my lids. Instantly, that familiar tightening forms in my chest, and a heat that has nothing to do with the steaming water I lay in warms me. For once, instead of trying to fight this odd emotion, I simply let it be and mull it over, allowing it to play within my ribs.

It is new, of that I am certain. Never before has such a peculiar emotion come to me, yet here it is, ever prominent, and the most powerful sensation I have ever experienced. I know nothing of this development, yet I'm surprised to find that, if I look hard enough, I can actually identify several of the parts that have meshed together to form this new, most potent feeling.

The first and most identifiable of these is happiness. It has always been there, but I've always failed to take note of it, until now. Thinking about it, her face comes to light again. The Avian in my mind smiles and lets out a single, chiming laugh, cheeks scrunching up her eyes just a tad exactly like a child's would. Like kindling to feed a flame, the warmth in my chest grows and I begin to feel a tugging at the edges of my lips as if they yearn to turn upright. Of course I should be glad to see her happy. Joy is such a rare occurrence in the Corps, that every smile and twinkling eye is like a blessing, made even more special if such gestures are directed toward me.

Just to experiment further, I decide to flip the tables, and I morph the Avian into something akin to a shell. The smile and light is gone, replaced by hollow eyes and a face devoid of any positive emotion. For a moment, I only watch with my mind's eye as she stares motionless, eyes swimming with water before tears spill over. She is but a statue, completely dead in her sorrow. Unconsciously, I wish to reach out to her, but the moment I try, her face breaks and I'm forced to witness her wail in despair. All happiness flees me then, replaced by a heavy stone in my gut and a sudden, burning wish to rid her of whatever is putting her through so much pain.

I realize then that my happiness is dependent on her own happiness.

It takes a great deal of effort, but eventually I force that solemn image from my mind and focus on the next sensation that makes up this new emotion.

This one is a little more difficult to decipher, as it is much more subdued than the first, but just as before, I lay in complete stillness and let my thoughts wander. From there, a bittersweet memory comes to surface. I find myself sitting in a chair, and even in this shadow of a memory, I can feel the force of my teeth grating against each other in rage. A wall covered in fresh ink and shattered bits of glass fill my red vision and for a moment I'm almost lost in the wrath I feel. But just as she did back then, a gentle weight brushes my knee and I look up and become undeniably lost in Avian's steady gaze. Once again, I begin to feel my anger cool, her hand on my knee doing wonders to calm my being and bring solace to my discontented mind. It's such a simple gesture, but one that I find great comfort in.

That's it… the next emotion… Comfort. I feel comfort with her.

And so time goes by in this way as I continue my self-examination, carefully identifying each and every piece of this emotional puzzle.

Empathy.

Longing.

Concern.

Trust.

Each piece I identify brings me one step closer to understanding, to figuring out just what it is that I feel toward this unlikely woman. She brings out so many different things in me that I could probably sit here forever to ponder them over.

I can't help but remember how her fingers felt against my flesh, so enticing and soothing and exciting at the same time. They were not just touches; there was something more to it. Just like there was something more to the way she looked at me then. To see and feel her staring at my body that way, it stirred in me something almost primal. The same can be said when it was I who gaped at her body, as scared as it is. The slender form of her, the way her spine curves gently from her shoulders down to her hips, the light dusting of freckles upon her otherwise fair shoulders, the birthmarks somehow enchanting to stare at.

Something pulls strongly in me then, a heat much different from the others, and I find myself suddenly aware of a great yearning from deep within. It is a desire as basic, and as unquestionable, as the craving for food and sleep, yet this desire is somehow more potent than the others. I become almost lost in the sight of her skin, her body, her hair and face.

Infatuation. That is the name of the final piece.

At last each piece finally has a name, and one last time, I play their names upon my tongue.

"Happiness. Comfort. Empathy. Longing. Concern. Trust. Infatuation."

All together they stir in me like a whirlwind of emotion, each a fuel in the flame of the great emotion that controls me now. Hanji's words from the night before come to me, as clear as it was then.

'_It takes more than a high kill record or some flashy moves with titan slaying blades to get someone to fall for you.'_

Fall for you…

Those three words, so ridiculous when she said them, but now…

Without warning my eyes snap open and I jerk up, unsettling the bath water that has long grown cold. There is nothing but stone wall to meet my intense gaze, but I stare at it as, once again, the words repeat themselves.

Fall for you…

Fall for you….

Fall for you….

With sudden insight, I finally know the name of the emotion that has plagued me all this time.

'_But how is such a thing possible?' _I ponder to myself, equally intrigued and confused by this new discovery.

By all means, _this_ shouldn't exist. How can anyone feel something that they've never received? Levi Ackerman has never known it from his non-existent father. Levi Ackerman never knew it from his estranged mother. Levi Ackerman never knew it from the siblings he never had, the animal companions that never lived, and the 'friends' that never lasted. In fact, the closest Levi Ackerman has ever come to receiving this particular emotion was in his dear comrades back in the Underground, but even then, it wasn't in its truest sense.

Farlan was a constant; a dear, reliable ally unlike any I've ever had. I could trust him in all things, and he trusted me. We formed a bond stronger than any steel, and such a bond is the sole reason why I am where I am. If it weren't for him, I'd still be in the Underground. Yet that form of connection is nowhere near the same as the one I feel now.

Isabel is closer, but even then she was like a sister. She herself always referred to me as 'Big Brother', and the affection I hold for her is just like I would have for a sibling if I ever had one. She was annoying at times, and stubborn, and very terrible at singing, but there isn't a day that I do not wish to hear her again and see that bright face of hers. And yet…

Even with those two, the closest friends I've ever had, the feelings I had for them are incomparable to the attachment I hold for this child-sized titan shifter. But even with all that revelation, the question still remains unanswered.

'_How is it that I can even feel this way without having received it myself? It should be impossible…'_

Yet a simple word plays upon me, tickling my lips as if it wishes to be spoken aloud, but I deny it the right. It simply cannot be….

I'm not capable of love.

I'm not even capable of _receiving _love.

I'm but a criminal born in the filth of the Underground. I am a liar, a murderer, a thief. I have made a living off of killing other men, and I've never felt remorse doing so. My entire being, my body, my personality, and especially my heart are all callous from the lack of love I've received in my youth. I am nothing but a hardened shell of a man.

Yet here I am, gaping in wonder over a warmth that I never knew could exist in me.

A warmth held solely for one tiny, freckled, brutally honest, titan-shifting woman.

Surely I must be mistaken, but even as the thought crosses my mind, I know it to be true.

Hanji was right. There _is _something forming between that tiny woman and I.

Why else would I be so bothered by Avian's interaction with James? The boy holds an affection toward her, an interest that has always perplexed me because I didn't know from where my anger came from concerning him, but now I do.

It's jealousy. I'm jealous of him, because he's succeeding where I'm failing.

A deep frown of thought crosses my features.

Hanji is right, of course she is. She's always right, the lunatic.

'_Just what the hell have I been doing all these months?' _I scowl.

It's no wonder Avian has gravitated toward that bastard. What have I ever done to make her feel comfortable around me? All I am is a boiling entity of jealousy and rage who explodes with anger every time I'm near her. All I've done is cut her down, discipline her, push her away…

And for what? Just because some dipshit of a cadet has come to fancy her? I've been letting myself get worked up over some lowclass loverboy?

'_All I've done is make a fool of myself. Such lack of self control. Tch, how disgusting.' _I mentally chide myself, utterly appalled at my own behavior until a stronger, harder sense of feeling overcomes it. _'But that is going to change.'_

Rising like a pillar from the middle of my being, a singular mast of determination forms in my chest. I had no idea, but subconsciously I've taken Hanji's advice to heart, and now I'm oddly prepared to make a change. No more of this Corporal-Subordinate shit. No more cold glares. No more backhanded orders and crude, undeserved punishments. All this time I'd been so focused on seeing Avian as a soldier that, in these last few month especially, I've all but forgotten how to treat her as a PERSON.

When was the last time we had a friendly conversation together that didn't end with me pissed off? When was the last time Avian felt comfortable around me enough to share some of her personal story with me? When was the last time I've ever even SMILED at her?

A ball of unfamiliar shame clutches me then.

"I talk shit about Tucker all the time, yet I'm just as much of an asshole as he is."

Before I can reprimand myself further, a knock on my door interrupts me.

"Corporal?" Petra's voice calls from just outside, slightly muffled, and when I let out an answering grunt she continues. "We just got the supply details for our next expedition from Erwin. Would you like me to go ahead and place the reports on your desk?"

"Yes. Thank you Petra."

It's only then when her footsteps disappear down the hall that I realize the water from my bath is ice cold.

'_Just how long was I sitting there thinking?'_

Without giving myself an answer, I hurriedly hop out and throw on my usual crisp uniform, mind still distracted by wandering thoughts. Once I'm fit enough to leave my dorm, I make my way to my office to tackle the large stack of paperwork waiting for me there and, tugging just in the back of my mind, I realize that I don't know what it is that I expect to happen today.

I both yearn and dread for the moment I spot Avian next, and even while making my way alone through the courtyard, my chest thumps almost painfully at just the thought of it.

Without really knowing how I know, I'm very aware that something drastic is going to happen, and that thought alone is strong enough to keep me alert and watching while the day goes on almost serenely.

* * *

Hours go by like minutes as I finish up my work alone, able to place the final report upon it's pile once the sky has turned orange with sunset. Somehow, my calm demeanor has persisted throughout the day, and even now as I sit at my usual stop in the mess hall waiting for dinner to be served, I'm oddly at ease.

It's still a bit early for supper, so only a handful of whispering pairs of cadets populate the tables around me, each making a point to avoid any sort of contact with me. After having nearly broken Hanji's neck and stormed out of the room in complete rage only the night before, I can hardly blame them. How odd is it to know my entire attitude has turned in just a night.

I haven't forgotten the reason of why I am here so early, even in my cool state. Avian has been out with that Tucker kid all day, yet even with that knowledge, I'm unusually unruffled and simply wait in silence for them to return.

Time passes by, and a steady stream of cadets enter the hall to wait with me, slowly filling up the room with chatter. An hour passes… then two… yet as the cafeteria becomes congested with bodies and animated talk, I still sit and wait for the pair to return.

Eventually Oluo makes his way down with Petra, and soon after Gunther and Eld emerge from the entrance doors to take their seats behind me. I can tell they are all wary of me, their speech hushed and professional as they each address me before they sit down, but I do not pay them much mind.

I'm watching and waiting.

Even more time passes after my squad joins me, the flow of time switching as minutes suddenly begin to feel like hours. There are no windows, but I can only assume it is dark outside now, and with every soldier that enters, my attention sharpens only to be disappointed upon discovering that they are not who I seek.

A ball begins to form in my abdomen, a mixture of annoyance and anxiety, and my thoughts begin to wander. Where are they? What's taking them so long to return? Surely nothing has happened. Over and over these same questions flitter about my mind as seconds tick by, and for a moment, I'm concerned.

Food is being served now, but I have no want to eat, not until Avian makes it back. But as forks and glasses cling all around me, my resolve to wait slowly crumbles.

'_That's it.'_

Most every soldier is in the hall now, yet the pair are still missing, and I've grown to anxious to sit any longer. Yet just as I stand to head outside to look for them, the large entrance doors open and an almost palpable sigh of relief escapes me as a ginger head walks into the room.

'_About damn time.'_

Without paying the rest of my squad any mind, I stand and begin to make my way over, determined to extract the exact reason why Avian and her retarded friend took so long. Skirting my way through tables of cadets who are more than willing to do all they can to get out of my way, I almost reach her when I suddenly stop. All at once, it's like the mental talk I had with myself just this morning never happened as I feel my eyes instinctively narrow into a piercing glower.

After she entered, James was quick to follow behind, walking beside her with an unusual closeness, but it isn't until I made my way closer that I see the reason why.

The first thing I notice is the flattering dress that Avian is clothed in, an article which I swear I've never seen before. It's simple, a dark blue fabric that reaches to her knees decorated with semi-intricate tan embroidering upon the bust and the bottom of her skirt. It's a kind of summer dress with loose fabric so the skirt can flow, and though the top is modest with sizable straps, it still shows her collar which allows her wooden necklace to rest proudly against her fair skin.

If that was all there was, I'd probably admit that the woman looks nice in her outfit, but unfortunately such compliment are cut from my tongue the moment I look down and spy her delicate little hand intertwined with James'.

It's such a subtle gesture, the holding of hands, but the sight of Avian holding that bastard's is enough to birth a spire of cold fury through my chest. Apparently, though my face is carefully controlled to be little more than a hardened scowl, my blazing eyes must betray me, for both she and James stop in their tracks when I come up to them.

Both look at me, and though I can visibly see James' expression darken, I only have eyes for the ginger at his side.

"My office. Now."

At my direct order, Avian's eyes take on a sort of resignation and she doesn't move from her spot.

"We just arrived back." She states simply, eyeing a level gaze with me.

"Obviously." I sneer back. "It seems your sense of time is as terrible as your hearing. Are you just going to stand there, or do I have to repeat myself?"

Before she can answer, James moves to stand slightly in front, and the much taller man glares down at me.

"What is your damn deal? Hanji said we could have the day off." He frowns, and though he looks like he is about to say more, I stop him.

"I don't give a shit what Hanji said. Conner is under my command, not hers, and remember who you are talking to soldier." I threaten him back, cutting him down with a look as sharp as steel before turning my attention back to Avian. "My office, Conner."

It takes a few seconds in which no one moves, but eventually Avian lays a hand on James' arm and coaxes him back with a steady eye. She doesn't speak, but the boy seems to take the hint and steps down before she returns her eyes to mine.

"Very well." She answers curtly. "Let us go."

With that, she turns and exits the way she came with me on her heels, and I can feel James' heated eyes burning a hole in my back until the door closes behind us.

The entire walk to my office is silent and heavy with neither of us willing to speak, and with each step we take down silent stone halls, my indignation only grows. Now that I've seen it, the image of her fingers clutching James' is burned into my mind, and it is that image alone that I see the whole walk until we finally reach our destination.

Without a word, we enter and Avian closes the door behind us.

It's dark, and I only take time to light a single lantern hanging from a hook in the wall before I turn and center my eyes upon Avian's miniature form still half cloaked in shadow. For a moment, I just stare at her, and she at me. Once again I become aware that, if I were thinking more clearly, I'd probably appreciate the way her new dress accentuates her tiny body and compliments the color of her hair, but as it were, such thoughts are overshadowed by the growing reality that something between her and Tucker has changed.

After a pregnant pause, long and heavy, I eventually speak.

"Just what the hell are you wearing." I state finally, demanding more than asking.

A flash of uncalled confusion crosses Avian's face in light of my question, but she answers swiftly.

"Tis a dress. Is… something the matter with it?"

My eyes remain cold and sharp.

"Dresses are out of code for soldiers."

"Out of code?"

"Do I have to repeat everything I say to you?" I heatedly scowl, annoyed at her sidestepping. "Yes, they are out of code."

The woman returns my scowl.

"How so? I've seen others wear garments such as these, and they were not disciplined. Why alert me to this 'mandatory mandated appearance ' issue now?"

"I don't care about other soldiers." I reply back. "You are under my charge and there is a certain appearance I demand you uphold. It's never been an issue because you've never worn one before. Where did you get it?"

"In the market today. James bought it for me as a gift."

'_A gift?'_

My scowl only deepens more.

"Why the hell did he do that? I thought you said you were only going out to pick up some things."

"I did." She frowns. "I purchased everything I needed, but he insisted that he should buy me something. I specifically instructed him not to, but he insisted that he must due to it being the anniversary of my birth."

I blink at her.

"Your birthday…"

"Yes. It's the twenty-third of May."

This is not information I was expecting, and for a second I sort of wonder over why it never came to me. Birthdays are important events, especially in the military since you never know when which will be your last, and though I never celebrate them myself, it has always been a sort of mini tradition for other cadets to make big deals out of them. The fact that I never even considered something so monumental as her birthday to happen so soon catches me off guard, and it successfully mutes me for a few moments giving Avian enough time to explain further.

"The only reason he knew is because the other trainees were conversing about birth-dates a few nights before, and they questioned me for mine. I did not request for a gift, but James insisted." She goes on steadily, but then her eyes take on a sort of sharp look to them. "But I cannot help but presume that my current attire is not the reason for you speaking with me now."

Our eyes lock for a long, drawn breath.

"Perhaps now would be the time to enlighten me on your prejudice against James."

It's a bit startling to see that Avian has perceived the true reason for me ordering her here so quickly, but I guess it is to be expected. My dislike for the man is anything but secret, so it was only a matter of time before she would question me about it.

Another moment passes in silence until Avian speaks up again.

"Why do you hate him?"

Like a wave handfuls of reasons come to mind and yearn to spill from my mouth, but I keep them all tightly knit and answer in my usual emotionless tone.

"He's a prick." I state crudely to which Avian's eyes only harden further.

"That is no real answer." She counters.

"What else do you want me to say?" I fire back. "That Tucker is no-good, a delinquent snob of whom I have to question the intelligence of. Why you spend so much time with such a blatant idiot is beyond me."

The woman's eyes take on a kind of small fire now.

"How can you say such things when you have not even bothered to offer up time to acquaintance yourself with him!? If you did, then perhaps you would comprehend why it is that I enjoy his company." She defends solidly, never breaking eye contact with me before continuing with her elaboration. "What it is that I cannot comprehend is your extreme distaste for him. James has done no wrong."

"He doesn't have to."

Avian's eyes are careful and imploring.

"What are you insinuating then?"

"Do I really have to spell it out for you?"

Exasperation is beginning to tinge my words and my mouth purses in irritation. I just don't understand how it is this woman can be so blind.

"It's written all over that bastard's face. His mannerisms, his language, his attitude; there is something despicable about him that apparently only I can see. You believe that 'friend' of yours cares about you, but I know better. I can tell he is nothing more than scum. I don't care how much time he spends with you or how many dresses he buys. The man is a slobbering dog with no redeeming qualities once so ever, and he is a disgraceful excuse of a soldier."

"That isn't true…" Avian starts to argue, but I cut her off.

"He nearly got himself killed the other day trying to show off and play the hero. Before then, he was damn confident that he could usurp me in a fight until I put him on his ass. All he does is go looking for trouble."

"No he doesn't! You make him that way!"

"Oh really? How so?"

"How so!?" Avian gapes, looking as if she couldn't believe that I would bother asking such a thing. "YOU are the one who always hounds at our heels and strives to break up any sort of conversation we wish to make. I am very aware of the venom you throw with your eyes, and the poison that seeps from your mouth when you speak. You're always livid, and it seems you always have something derogatory to say whenever we are together, like you can't stand it…"

Her voice goes quiet then and a curious expression comes over her face. For a moment, she merely stares at me in that piercing way of hers, and I can almost feel her eyes searching mine, delving deep into my being. All I can do is return her gaze as she investigates me, eyes slightly squinted in curious concentration until they seem to widen. A hint of perplexity colors her features when she finally draws away, as if intrigued by whatever she found, and it takes her a second more to gather her thoughts and return to the conversation at hand.

"Like you can't stand it…" she repeats slowly, mulling over the words before considering it with an odd amount of hidden understanding. "You… Are you… jealous?"

Of course I'm jealous, I always have been even if I only just realized it myself not but a few hours before. It's concrete truth, but now that I've heard the same word coming from Avian's voice, in her words, suddenly I can't bear for her to know. I don't know why, but a wall immediately rises up to shield my emotions from her. I don't want her to know, she _mustn't_ know. And so with abrupt urging for secrecy, I cloud my expression and let out a single, mocking laugh.

"Jealous? That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard." I state coldly and I watch as Avian's wonder swiftly dies and her expression becomes hard again.

"If not that, then what?!" she demands unexpectedly. "All I ever earn from you now are burning gazes and heated words fueled by fury. I can do no right by you anymore, so please… what is it then?! What is it that I am doing wrong!?"

"What you're doing is hanging with that arrogant Tugger kid, that's what."

Avian's eyes flash in disbelief, and at that flash my mouth moves of its own accord.

"You don't get it!" I tell her, righteous anger egging me on. "He's a player! A scoundrel! He doesn't care about you like you believe he does!"

"You're wrong! James has been nothing but kind to me!" She states back with just as much force. "He speaks to me, inquires me about myself. He shows concern for my well being and is willing to jest with me and spend time with me. He buys gifts for me, walks with me, helps me…. He's interested enough to get to know me as a person and form a deeper bond with me, unlike you!"

At this, a fire of anger flickers in her eyes, so foreign upon her normally quiet features.

"Ever since I started bonding with James, you've changed! You do nothing but command me around and castigate me for offenses of which I have never committed! Even after I aided you in nurturing your wound yesterday, you discharged me as if I were nothing more than a displeasure. I like you, but it's so hard to keep doing so when you treat me in such a way! At least James treats me with compassion, an act of which you seem to loathe him doing most of all, but it matters not…."

At this point Avian grows oddly calmer and her chin lifts with something similar to satisfaction.

"Just a few hours prior while we were still about, James questioned me about beginning a relationship with him. And because this is the first affection I have grown for someone, that has actually been _returned_ to me, I accepted."

My mind hitches.

'_The first affection to be returned to her…?'_

A part of my mind seems to catch on to a possible underlying meaning to her words, but such a thing is completely lost in the whirling of emotion that comes next, clutching my insides in vigor at her declaration.

"You're dating him." I state flatly, my face nothing more than a blank slate, and Avian firmly nods.

"Yes, I am."

It's like the flip of a switch, a sudden twisting of a lever inside my being. I do not know the name for what hits me next, but the emotion overwhelming me now is so powerful and alien that I have no idea how to handle it, so in response my body automatically shuts itself down. All at once, all my anger and jealousy vanishes so that I am left with nothing but a desolate shell in my chest. I can feel my features solidify themselves into an expression completely devoid of all emotion, and my gaze dulls to bleak gray. I feel nothing anymore. I don't care anymore. The revelation I had this morning never happened and this woman in front of me doesn't matter anymore.

Avian made her choice, and it wasn't me.

'_Fine.' _I muse darkly, apathetically. _'Let her go to him.'_

My voice is but a hollow echo of my own that I sneer between displeasing lips.

"So you won't listen to the words of your superior officer, eh?" I state bluntly, speaking solely as her Lance Corporal and nothing more. "If you're so confident, then go and do as you damn well please."

I feel nothing when I witness a shadow of surprise cross Avian's face, and I stiffly turn and head to take a seat at my desk. I can feel Avian's gaze upon my back the entire way.

"Go, go and run to him then." I state again and stare impassively at the wood before me. "I did what I could to warn you, so the rest now falls upon your shoulders. Just know one thing, Conner…"

The smallest amount of venom injects itself into my words then, and I am so lost in this sudden feeling of resentment that I do not care at their harsh tone.

"… when he eventually fucks up, don't come crying to me. I have better things to do than listen to the misfortunes of a whiny, disobedient child."

I do not care that I am acting like an asshole and stomping upon her like this. She chose him over me, and now… I guess my body has become so overwhelmed by my strong emotions that I've just shut them off completely. But it's for the best I suppose. I was getting to close, to attached… I needed to break it off anyway, otherwise it'll only lead to more pain. So I guess it is best this way, to break things off quickly instead of letting them drag on. Forget what Hanji said from before. I'm a soldier, and so is Conner. If she wants to risk more pain by becoming attached to someone, even if that someone is an unworthy dipshit, then let her. I should have known better than to even entertain the thought of getting close with her.

But as I look up with emotionless eyes to look at her, my heart twists painfully. I knew she was angry, but I was not prepared for her to look as she does now. Her face has fallen and her eyes, those bright blue eyes shining in the dim glow of my lantern, hold such a large amount of pain that my chest lurches at just the sight of them. Even in the darkness, I can make out the swimming light of tears forming, threatening to spill over.

I was expecting her to be angry, but I _wasn't_ expecting her to look so hurt, as if I just trampled her heart into the ground…

Then, in a flash of ginger and dark blue, Avian breaks her eyes away from mine and swiftly turns for the door with such force the skirt of her dress slaps her legs. In the span of just a few seconds, she steps out and I just catch the sound of a single, poorly controlled sob before she slams the door behind her.

Only when she is out of sight, and ONLY then when it is just me and my thoughts, does sensation suddenly rush back into my body, and I gape openly at the wooden door as if I can still see Avian on the other side.

I have no idea how long I sit and just stare at the door, for all I'm aware of are two things: the almost unbearable pain now stabbing in my chest, and the deep, coldness of regret gripping the rest of my limbs.

"Fuck…"

I clench my eyes tight and draw my hands up, one pressing to my forehead and the other clutching the area above the center of my chest. I squeeze my fists and eyelids together as hard as I can, but it does nothing to stifle the pain, so powerful I bear my teeth in it's agony.

I fucked up. I fucked up _bad_.

Nothing but silence and cold stone is witness to my unexplainable anguish, and through all this sudden pain a single, somber thought sits in my mind.

'_I've made a terrible, terrible mistake…'_

***Author's note***

*prepares for inevitable indignant Levian shipper reviews* I'm sorry but it had to happen! Besides, I hate it just as much as y'all do, but Avian kinda has a point… I want her with Levi as much as anyone, but frankly he's been nothing more than an ass sooooo…. Javian it is! :D Ahem…. Before I make even more people mad, let's just get to the reviews lol.

**Guest- **Thank you for your review! And since there is no name, this is for the person who asked about Avian's leg. Normally, yes, Avian's leg would have healed since she is a shifter, but for a reason we don't know yet, she doesn't seem to have the accelerated healing associated with shifters. It's a _tad_ bit faster than what's normal for a human, but not by much, only shortening healing by a few days if even that. It's perplexing, but there is a reason for it.

**Katialynne- **I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! Relationship development is the best ;D Hopefully something will develop as far as official relationship, but as of right now, things aren't looking too hot for them right now :c

**AliLaShae- **I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter as well! It was fun, and the whole massage bit was mostly for my satisfaction as I'm all about massage fluff *7* I hated that Avian brought up James too, but we all know that she can't bring herself to neglect thanking Levi, especially since she is very aware that Levi pretty much hates him. Avi's just honest that way. I personally enjoy the great age gap as well, which may or may not be addressed later. It depends on if I can fit it into the story lol. And let's all hope that a first name basis happens soon, cause this 'Conner' 'Corporal' crap is driving me up a wall.

**Close enough story- ***insert evil author laughter here* Oh buddy I tell ya… I love/hate ruining romantic moments as you have obviously seen in this chapter. *prepares for rage review* In all seriousness, a great deal of Levi's stress is self inflicted, and unfortunately events like this are bound to happen as long as he keeps silent. It's beautifully tragic in an emotional way. I apologize for making you wait so long and filling you with much disappointment with each day you check for updates and there isn't any. I honestly try to write as fast as I can but… stuff happens. *cries* Please forgive me ;n;

**Crystalviolet24- **Jealous fits for DAAAAAAAYS :D And yeah, Avian kinda ruined it, good job girl… But it was nice while it lasted. I'm glad you still enjoyed it though, as frustrating as it is. Trust me, I know your pain. I just wanna slap 'em both sometimes. And Happy (very belated) Holidays to you too! :D

**Imafangirlforever- **It's driving you nuts? YES! My mission was a success! *victory dance* Seriously though, frustration is what I was aiming for, so I'm glad it's happening, though I hate it just as much as you do lol. And CAN YOU IMAGINE AVIAN SPEAKING LIKE LEVI OMG OAO. I'm sorry, but the fact that you thought it was her POV first is utterly hilarious xD And Happy (very belated) Holidays and a New Year to you too! :D

**EpicShadowNinja- **I greatly enjoy seeing Levi struggle with all these new emotions, and it's kind of fun torturing him this way (evil I know). I freaking love Possessive!Levi , and in all honesty, I'm not sure if Avian treated James the same/as long as she did Levi, though I have a hunch that she enjoyed oogling/massaging Levi's body more than his ;D I mean come on… *cough*dem muscles*cough*

I apologize for this portion being so late, inevitably full of errors, and I feel great shame for such lack of quality and reliability *bows head* Like always, I'll update as soon as I can. Anyway, we are getting closer to the next 'arc' if that's what you're wondering. I guestimate only about one or two more chapters of relationship development before plot starts moving again. I apologize if this dilemma is getting boring, but Avian and Levi need to reach a certain point before I continue further, because it'll make chapters more dramatic :D Anyway, I guess I better go now. It's four and a half hours after I was supposed to be in bed, and I got work in the morning which is only three hours away (hooray for no sleep :D) As always, please leave your thoughts and comments in a review, for they are my lifeblood. Until next time!

-Ambi


	25. Thrumming, Swelling Heart

Chapter 23:

**Thrumming, Swelling Heart**

I truly believed that this would be a repeat of our fight all those months ago; I expected myself to fall into a pit of resentment whenever she was around, to unleash my frustration and rage upon anyone who stepped in my way with horrendous punishment. I expected many things, but oddly… the world is still together.

It's like everything and nothing has changed at the same time.

It's an unexplainable shift in demeanor, yet it's clearly apparent to me and everyone around me. All of my rage is gone, all of my jealousy and frustration have vanished into the air. I don't understand how or why I'm so calm now, like a veil has been lifted from my eyes allowing me to see the bigger picture. Perhaps it is just my body's way of coping… I've never been good with strong emotion, so all this calm could just be a figment of my imagination, a defensive mechanism to keep me from going insane.

Or perhaps not.

All I know is that I feel like myself again: collected, sharp and cool. It feels strange to be in my own body, to have an unseen weight lifted from my shoulders. I do not mull over my previous feelings like I did before. Rampant thoughts do not rampage my mind and steal all of my attention. I'm focused and deliberate in my actions.

It's surprisingly easy to get back to how things used to be; the routine leadership demands of me. Attending mission briefings, filing reports, commanding my soldiers in expeditions... The center of all my attention is upon the next task, the next battle, the next conquest. I've nothing to distract me from my purpose. All those years ago I dedicated my life to serving humanity, and I do so once again.

I never realized just how sidetracked I had been these past months with thoughts of Conner and Tucker until there was no reason for me to think of them anymore. I'd been so concerned with them that I neglected my station as a Corporal. I let myself get caught up in meaningless hogwash and hounded them like some damn dog instead of focusing all my time and energy into preparing for the next mission. I let myself slip; I had pushed my duty to the back of my mind in favor of torturing myself with scenes and thoughts of her and him. I became lax in my dedication, limp in will, complacent in progress.

But no more.

Perhaps that was just the thing I needed to get my head where it should be. All those persisting and annoying emotions that drove me so far out of myself no longer hinder me. Why should they? What's the point? It's like the tension between Conner and Tucker and I was some sort of battle, a competition of will as it were. It certainly _felt_ like a great battle, having had to struggle with myself as much as I had to deal with Tucker's intolerable cocky attitude and Conner's blatant favoritism. I was so fixated on the fight that I put everything else on the back burner. But the urgency is gone now.

I fought in that battle, and I lost.

What's the point of going on with it anymore? All it'll cause me is more distress, more pain, more frustration and anger and jealousy. And what purpose would it serve, aside from creating more torture? There is no sense in mulling over defeat, scowling at the past, or beating myself up for my failure. What's done is done.

Conner made her choice, and it wasn't me.

In this newly found calm, there are a vast number of days where life just goes on, and we pass each other in the halls with nothing more than a complimentary nod to the other before continuing on our way. There is no resentment, no negative connotation as there was the last time we came to an ultimatum. For once, we are as we should be: a Lance Corporal and a Cadet, nothing more, nothing less. Familiarity is still there, but neither of us act upon it, choosing to continue on and go about our business as is expected of us.

Conner attends to her own needs, and I attend to mine. Most days, time goes by easily in this way, having her in the back of my mind….

And other days, it's not.

My rampant emotions might be controlled once more, but my thoughts are just as persistent as they've ever been, and they only seem to worsen when I'm alone. It's some sort of irritating plague upon my conscious, thousands of thoughts about her itching and probing my mind in earnest. I do my best to quell them by drowning myself in work, but even then it's not enough. She might be gone, but I see her face everywhere, and my chest gives the tiniest of wrenches at them.

She was a constant I never realized I leaned upon. All those months of having her visit my office every day to help me, especially after the battle in Shiganshina, became such a routine that I never even thought twice upon it. I never considered that one day her visits would end, that those long hours of us just working together in silence would stop. The occasional small talk we had did wonders to break the solemn monotony of seemingly endless paperwork, and through them I learned so much about her.

I never realized just how much I would miss those talks; ones where everything was fine and uncomplicated. Though she isn't the most sociable person, conversation always came so easily to her once the awkwardness ebbed away. Her voice was quiet but it always filled the room, and I would listen to her, even though most of the time I made it seem as if I wasn't. Her company was easy to keep, and it seemed she never felt uncomfortable around me unlike most others. I guess that's what I liked most; the fact that she treated me and spoke to me like I was just another human being and not humanity's prized corporal.

I had never had that before, not here. Ever since I earned the title of Humanity's Strongest, soldiers and civilians alike began to act differently toward me, aside from Hanji, but even then that bratty scientist can't make up for all the rigid greetings and cautious conduct I continue to get all by herself. For years I've tolerated it, that strict code of behavior. I did so not only because it's expected of me, but also because I refused to take the risk of breaking that boundary of unfamiliarity.

After Isabel and Farlan, I knew I never wanted to feel such despair and pain again. I'd never felt anything so horrid, so agonizing… I never knew a human could even feel something so devastating until I lost them. Just thinking about them now brings up a pain like a knife digging into my ribs, a hollow, lonely pain unlike anything I'll likely experience again. After losing them, I refused to get so close to anyone again. The risk was too great.

So I put up a wall. It is one that can be seen in my actions and demeanor as well as felt. It's unsettling how easy it is for people to just assume that I'm naturally some huge emotionless asshole, because at one time, I wasn't. At one time, I was a child just like them, but life happened and the world reared it's hideous head at me and took all that I had. What else is there for me to do to protect myself? I don't enjoy being this way, being this stoic, heartless statue of a man in the eyes if most of my subordinates. I don't want people to think of me as a wretched monster of a soldier, but they do, because that is the persona I have to put up. This callousness, this aloof nature, this cold gaze… It's not who I really am, not truly.

I'm far from being some giddy, hysterical social butterfly, but this…. Who I make myself appear to others…. That's not who I am either. I'm something in between; something broken and twisted that the belly of the Underground spit out. And in a natural act to defend myself from further pain and torment, I closed myself off, distanced myself, grew cold. What else what there for me to do? A person can only take so much before they get fed up and harden themselves from further harm.

And that's what happened.

I wear emotional barriers and walls like a cloak, determined to never repeat the same mistake again. The time I spent with Isabel and Farlan was by far the best I've ever had. It wasn't 'happy' per say, but I was… content. For the first time, I had found something resembling a bond with those two, a mixture of being friend and family. But then it was taken from me… because I let my ruthless nature control me and had me leave them behind. They died because of some stupid, dumbass mistake…

I can't have that happen again. I just can't. I don't trust myself enough to have friends and then keep them safe. I'd already failed once in protecting those I care about, and the pain from it still cripples me.

So that is why I am the way I am. I'm afraid; afraid of growing attached and then having those attachments ripped from my hands again. I learned my lesson, and I'm determined to never give fate that morbid chance to ruin everything again. Several people have tried to pierce my barricades: Erwin, Hanji, my squad… and yet my walls still stand. I cannot thank them enough for trying, nor do I ever take their compassion for granted, but I just can't risk letting them in more than they already are. And for a long while, that's how it stayed; close enough to feel connected, yet distant enough to keep their possible deaths from completely breaking me.

I know how much of a damn asshole such a thing like that makes me, but it's all I can do. There's a buffer between myself and others, a cushion of reserve to protect myself in case something happens. In terms of mental and emotional defense, it's all I have to offer. If I get too close, I'll only end up being hurt again, and I've been successful in keeping my solitude all these years…

…Until now.

Somehow, in some inexplicable, unseen way, my walls have been penetrated. What makes _her_ different from the others is beyond me; is it her foreign nature, her oddly poetic mind, her naïve understanding of the world, her constant efforts toward familiarity? Just what is it that she wields that has done this to me? All my work in retaining solitude, did it amount for nothing? How is it that I could let a mere cadet affect me this way?

It must be some form of trick, a wicked magic or some shitty titan power she possesses. There is just no other way some average, normal, run of the mill recruit could ever break through my carefully constructed walls.

But then again, there isn't anything really normal or average about her at all... not to me…

For reasons outside my understanding, her entire person intrigues me. Everything from the eloquent way she speaks to her awkwardly obvious lack of knowledge concerning anything relating to society. I don't know why, but I always catch myself watching or listening to her, even when she's doing nothing than making a complete fool of herself.

One moment her bright face is lit up in childish wonder as she talks to Armin about everything she has read in her father's books, then in the span of an instant that same face is contorted in dubious confusion as she tries to wrap her mind around Hanji explaining how money works.

Her body is swift and agile, yet her absurdly child-sized frame inhibits her ability to accomplish trivial tasks with any sort of dignity, resulting with her having to climb on top of counters or chairs to reach high shelves, and even then she barely makes it.

She's just as clunky and unrehearsed as she is aware and insightful, an odd combination that makes no sense and yet is strangely endearing.

There is just something about that bazaar nature of hers that always seems to catch my eye and interest. Mentally, it's like she's an adult and a child at the same time; serious and mature when she has to be, but unafraid of wearing her emotions or awe upon her sleeve.

She's intelligent, determined, poetic, compassionate, forgiving…

She's awkward, ignorant, brutally honest, instinctive…

She's a terrible cook, gives away all my money, small as hell, shitty with directions, a bane to coffee making…

She's generous, an excellent medic, a wiz with making tea, brilliant with horses, a talented singer…

She's a dichotomy, a two sided coin that's continuously flipping in air; no side of her is more hidden than the other. Her assets and her faults, her pros and her cons, her light and her dark, her good and her bad, all wrapped together and somersaulting within her being so fast that it's almost impossible to keep up…

And I love it.

I love all of it.

It's so strange, this concept of 'love'. I've only ever heard the word without coming close to understanding it's meaning, but I think I'm beginning to. Why else do I see her the way I do? Let her actions affect me like they have? It's stupid… how can anyone love someone's faults? But I do.

It's name has only come to me recently, but I realize that I've loved her shortcomings for a long time, if only subconsciously, even through my irritation. Especially nowadays, with my attention automatically honed in on her existence, it's as if I find a new aspect of her personality to appreciate every day.

I love how painfully honest she can be, because it means every word she says is completely sincere and from the heart.

I love when she always 'helps' poor scammers in the market by giving away our allowance, because it shows that after everything she's been through, she still believes there is good in people.

I love how most of her cooking outside of stews and soups is complete ass, because it just makes those few dishes that she DOES know how to make even better.

I love how she completely disregards military rank and social classes, because it shows that she see's everyone as equals.

I love the fact that she is so weak and pathetic, because it means that there is still something for me to protect.

I love that she is annoyingly persistent with friendliness, because it means that she's willing to love anyone… even me…

How is it that someone can be so damn perfectly imperfect? It's not fair. All my years of military experience, all my youth spent surviving in the Underground, none of it was enough to prepare me for this; the power this one bratty, shitty, tiny, child-like, kind, smart, gentle woman has over me.

All I know is that I want her to stay with me and leave me be at the same time. It's agony, feeling like this. I'm scared to get close because of the threat such attachment poses, but I hate being alone…

What am I to do? How do I deal with this? My face may be blank and flat whenever my gaze lands upon her, but inside my stomach churns and my chest feels like it's about to implode on itself. I want her. I want her so bad…

But I can't.

Avian made her choice.

And I have no one to blame but myself.

If I get right down to it, for all of my rage, what reasons did I give her to choose me? All I've ever done is treat her like some animal, thrusting chores upon her left and right and greeting her with nothing but cold, hateful stares. I was so caught up in my own negative emotions that I never even considered a change in attitude. I was selfish, I concentrated all of my energy upon appeasing my own flaming jealousy and frustration by lashing out at her, which only drove her farther away.

It's my own fault, I know that. The angrier I became, the closer she grew to him, and I can't blame her at all. As much as I hate him, Tucker did more for her than I ever even came close to _thinking_ about doing. While I was the one scowling and punishing her, he was the one who comforted. Every curse I threw he countered with whispered condolence. Every heated glare he matched with a defensive glare of his own. Every step of the way, I only helped Avian and James become closer.

It doesn't matter how much I hate him, or how awful of a player James is in this complicated game of attachment and affection, because it's easy to win if your opponent refuses to make moves of their own.

I refused to move, and now I wish I had.

But it's too late. I've been reduced to nothing more than a spectator, constantly watching them in mute torment. It seems where ever I go, they are just around the corner, and because of the deep longing I have in my being, it's nearly impossible to look away. I spy them everywhere, and the mere sight of them seems to make time crawl in painful draws. I watch, I always watch, but there is nothing I can do.

And so time passes sluggishly; hours turn into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months… and through all that time as summer comes and goes and fall sinks it's claws into the land, through all of it… Avian looks genuinely happy.

I don't believe I've ever seen her in such a way, and the realization of the cause of her happiness pains me. It's James, of course, what else could it be? Watching them together from down the corridor or across the mess hall, a small aching shame always burns me, and somewhere deep inside I'm almost glad she is with him. What could _I _ever give her?

When have I ever made her smile as widely as she does for him? When have I ever made her laugh with such genuine joy? When have I ever playfully picked at her ginger hair, or brushed my hand comfortingly down her back, or held her to my side? When have I ever chosen to stand beside her in front of funeral pyres after every mission and just hold her because she feels pain from the loss of every single life, even when the mission is a success? When have I ever spent hours walking around town with her just for the hell of it? When have I ever bought her anything just so I can see her smile?

When have I ever done _ANYTHING_?

I haven't, I never have, and now that she is with him, I'll never get the chance.

So with nothing more that I can do, I watch.

Sometime in late June when the weather was warm and bright, I watched them from my office window, a ritual I have done many times before. Since the corrals are clearly in my view and Avian spends most of her free time down there tending to her steed, among others, it is common to find her and James together there. They always look so content in their work as they groom and shoe every animal, talking and joking with each other with an ease I wish I had.

It hurt watching them, but I could never bring myself to look away. I'd stand there silently with my face in the window wishing I could be like James, comfortable with close attachments and able to always say the right thing at the right time without spitting out some shitty comments out of self-conscious tension. He is everything I'm not: sociable, suave, humorous, charming…. It's no wonder Avian fell for him.

And as I watched them that beautiful July day, I witnessed firsthand just how charming he could be. It was so subtle, so expertly executed that I didn't even realize what he was doing until he had her against the stall wall. I remember my entire body tensing, waiting for him to do something uncouth or violent, but it never came. His hands where upon her arms, and his body was pinning her in place, but his posture was not domineering. In fact it almost looked gentle, and though the man is twice her size, Avian did not skirt away. She was not afraid. Instead, she looked back up at him in that inquisitive way of hers, and slowly, carefully, James' swished brown hair bent down to hers.

I stood frozen in place, the tension caused by rampant jealousy and desperate longing holding me fast. I wanted nothing more than to break something, to run, to bash that bastard's face in, but I was frozen. Immovable. I couldn't move a muscle, so my body forced me to watch as James carefully joined his mouth with hers, and the worst part of it all, is that Avian let him. It must have been wonderful, for her eyes automatically shut and I watched in pained horror as she instinctively returned the favor.

They stayed like that for a long, long time, and I watched every agonizing second of it. It was only when they finally broke apart that the chains around my body dropped and I was finally able to back away, chest feeling as if it was trying to break itself apart.

From then on, I never returned to my window.

I was furious, dismayed, jaded… I still am. Never before have I ever longed so hard to be in someone else's place. Ever since then, my mind has been plagued by visions and dreams of fantasies that will never happen. Suddenly, I want to experience what James did; I want to feel Avian's body against mine, to caress the blush of her cheeks, to know the softness of her lips. All these thoughts are so new and perverse that I'm appalled by my own imagination, but I cling to them with an iron grip I never knew I possessed.

I want her. I want her near me, always by my side. I want her hair upon my shoulder, her legs brushed against mine, her hand within my grasp, her head over my heart. Where all this desperate, primal desire comes from I'll never know, but I do not fight it.

I can't fight it.

I want to.

But I don't.

I want and don't want, yearn and don't yearn, fear and don't fear. Back and forth I battle with myself, between my mind and my heart, the risks and the gains. This is my curse: to want what I can't have. It's cruel that it's even possible to feel this way.

Is love even worth it? Will I regret loving her if something happens to snag her from me? Will the pain of death overshadow the joy in life? Would it even last?

There is so much I don't know… that I don't understand. I've never been good with emotions, and this is the pinnacle of mystery to me. At least I'm familiar with the likes of anger, sadness, happiness, even fear… but not this. I don't know how to process this, and it's driving me mad.

I want to explore this new sensation, to see just what it's all about. But I know better… death is all too real…

And I'll never have the chance anyway. Avian is gone, and I did nothing to stop her.

There are no excuses for me to make, no way to justify my actions. It is what it is, and at the end of it all, it's better this way. She deserves better than me. She deserves much better than some stone-faced, cold-hearted felon of a man. I've done too much wrong, committed to much sin that I'll never be able to make up for. My past is filthy, and I loathe filth. Even worse, I loathe the thought of that filth getting on her.

She's so far away from me, in some other world, that to tarnish her with my transgressions would be yet another sin. How could I do that to her? Haven't I maimed her enough? All I do whenever I try interacting with her is hurt her more.

Gusts of everything within me swirl in tempest about my being, savage and ruthless, but one thing stands clear to me: I can't stand to hurt her more than I already have.

And so, with every ounce of will I possess, I force myself to leave her be. No conversation, no yearning glances, no issuing of orders… nothing. I do my best to be nothing but a Corporal to her again, and I let her and James do as they please. From then on I live mission to mission, concentrating solely upon the next expedition in effort to keep thoughts of her out of my mind. It works for the most part, especially while in battle when I feel nothing more than adrenaline in my veins and the slicing of my blades through titan flesh.

While I'm fighting, it's easy to forget about her and him. But the moment the mission ends and we return home, her face is the first thing I see, and it plagues me throughout all of my reports and paperwork, persisting like some incurable illness. The terrible longing never leaves no matter how hard I try to stifle it, and fantasies of her and I still play about my mind whenever there is nothing else to hold my attention, but I do not act upon them.

Avian has already found someone to hold and love, and to hold and love her back.

I'll give James one point for that at least, the one thing he's actually better at than I. At least that bastard knows how to make her happy.

Xxx

"This is so great! It's been forever since we've talked because of all the missions. How have you been?"

From where I sit at a corner table in the empty mess hall with the rest of my squad, I watch with vague interest as Petra gives a big hug to Avian, who unexpectedly decided to sit with us for an early lunch.

"I've been doing well enough." The ginger answers before following Petra to take a seat at the end of the bench opposite from me. "Just fatigued from the all the missions is all. How do you all fare? Well I hope?"

"Doin' good I guess." Gunther answers first with a nod, and Eld mutters much the same thing from his seat beside him, arms casually propped behind his head.

"Well I'm tired as shit." Oluo interjects next, looking displeased as usual. "Been busting my ass out there killing titans. How else do you thing I'd feel?"

"Oluo…."

"What!? It's the truth! Stop looking at me like that, Petra. You're not my naggy wife yet."

"I'm never going to be your wife Oluo…"

In response, Oluo confidently smirks and strokes his cravat in exaggerated thought.

"Ha, you say that _now._ But I'll have you yet. Just give it a few years and you'll see… AACK!"

The most brash member of my squad promptly shuts up in silent pain as an exasperated Petra slowly retracts her fist from his head, earning a round of hushed, mocking snickers from Gunther and Eld.

"You've really got to stop it with that…" Petra sighs, not sparing the still cringing man a second glance before returning her attention back to the small woman beside her. "You'd think that after a while he'd get the hint…"

Petra gives an obviously exasperated shake of her head to which Oluo hastily tries to redeem himself by issuing a mixture of accusing remarks and begging forgiveness, but the woman pays his pathetic attempts little mind. Soon they get into their usual argument, and for the most part Avian merely keeps quiet and watches. For a single second, her eyes dart to mine in calm question, wordlessly waiting for my answer to her inquiry.

I've become well used to these silent exchanges of words. This is the extent of our interaction now, and though it's never jibing or hurtful, words always seem to fail, rendering both of us mute. So since no words come, I give her a slight nod, doing my absolute hardest to keep my arms crossed and face blank though the effort is almost impossible. All I think about now whenever I see her is how James had pressed his body against hers when he kissed her.

I become nothing but a faceless statue to hide the ache it causes in my chest.

I'm hurting inside, but my façade seems to work, for Avian does nothing more than nod back in understanding before turning her attention back to Petra who now has her eyes fixed upon the ginger.

"But anyway, what have you been up to?" Petra smiles, completely ignoring the still bumbling man behind her. "It's been so long since you last sat with us, and I never get the chance to talk to you anymore because of all the missions lately."

"It's fine. We have all been exerting ourselves to death." The smaller woman replies evenly, returning Petra's gesture with a small smile of her own. "But there is not much for me to report aside from expeditions and habitual chores of course. Most of my time is spent with the horses or the nurses if they are in need of assistance. "

"I thought I saw you helping them out the other day." Gunther comments, gaining both women's attention. "You were one of the people helping that one guy with a broken leg get his gear into a carriage, right?"

"Yes. He had been discharged, but needed assistance due to the crutches he must use until his leg mends."

"I figured so…. There never seems to be enough medics to go around after missions, so I'm sure they appreciate the help." Gunther continues on, the brown haired man gaining a pondering look upon his face. " I always forget that you're pretty much a trained medic with all your previous knowledge of herbs and medical procedures, though I don't know how I could since I got _this_ to remind me."

With that comment, Gunther pats his leg, the one that was sliced open and Avian helped nurse over a year ago, and he grins.

"It sure didn't heal up pretty, but at least I have a nice story to tell of how I had to rely on some forest hermit's help after I nearly cut my own limb off."

His lighthearted remark spurs a light laugh from the ginger in question, and even with my gazed fixed determinedly away from her, my heart involuntarily leaps a bit at the sound.

"Well I at least am glad to hear that your wound neglects to bother you." Avian reassures him, "And do not fret. It is easy to forget what I do considering the amount of labor we all have been toiling under."

"Yeah, but still, that's like your main thing now outside of missions." Gunther insists. "You help them pretty much every day don't you?"

Avian nods.

"I didn't at the beginning, but with the escalading frequency of expeditions, I spend most days there doing what I can. The amount of injured only rises, it seems."

"Looks like it." Eld slides in casually, inclining his head slightly. "Sounds exhausting."

Once again Avian nods.

"It is, but I am well with it. Such a thing is outside our control, and I am more than willing to spend my time assisting them with patients."

"You could still give yourself a break every now and then." Gunther speaks up, his face growing a bit stern. "You're looking pretty run down."

'_Run down?'_

At my subordinate's comment, my interest starts with a jump. This is news to me. Is she not feeling well? Completely disregarding my resolve to keep my attention firmly away, I cast a side glance down the table's length and run my eyes over Avian's small form. I didn't notice before of course, but now that I look it's apparent that shadows have now begun to spring under her eyes, and her general expression looks tired. My chest winces slightly.

"He's sure right. What are they having you do, run laps all damn day?" Oluo chides next, and though his voice is as harsh as usual, his eyes betray just the slightest flicker of concern. "You never know when to take a break anyway, stubborn woman. You'll end up killing yourself eventually."

"I probably will." Avian concedes back with a small, guilty shrug of her shoulders to which Petra knits her brows.

"Don't say that. You just work hard is all." She amends softly, but she continues on in the same stern voice as Gunther. "But they're right. You look tired. How long do you work?"

For a moment, the ginger sits silently as she calculates in her head before answering.

"It depends. Most days run the better half of fifteen hours, give or take, though it all depends on the severity and number of injured. Since there have been more missions as of late, I have been assisting them every day for… three weeks, four?"

"Avi!"

Petra openly gapes at the woman, and I silently along with her.

"No wonder why you're so tired. You need rest!"

Avian moves to retort, but Petra beats her to it as the other woman gently grabs her hands in her own.

"Look Avi, I know how you are, and you always give your all to help people, which is great." Petra begins, concern lacing her words. "But you need to help yourself too. All that work will only make you sick and weak… And I'm sure James has gotten onto you about it too."

At his name, my fists automatically clench for a heated moment before relaxing.

'_There is no use getting upset. Just let it go.' _I remind myself, and I force myself to calm down.

At Petra's chiding, Avian looks away slightly, face unreadable.

"He has…" she mutters, voice oddly flat. "… but it is of no consequence. I do what needs to be done."

"Still, I'm sure he isn't happy with how you're working yourself so hard. From what you're telling me it sounds like you don't even have time to spend a day together or what not."

"I'm sure the workload will lessen once we accomplish our goal and completely eradicate the giants from inside the walls." Avian states simply, then inclines her head in question. "Speaking of, I've heard where the commanding officers are to propose repopulating Shiganshina by year's end. Is that true? At the speed at which we are fighting, I imagine it to be accurate."

Eld is the first to answer and gives her a nod.

"I heard that too. I'm not exactly sure what they are planning to do, but I'm certain all the refugees are going to be moved back first given enough homes are still standing. There is still a lot of construction work to be done before it can be fully colonized again."

"They can always do that as they slowly re-home the refugees."Gunther adds on. "It's August now, so… we've still got about four months to go before the year ends. I think we can make it by then, easily."

"Of course we can. We've been slaying those hulking, monstrous bastards left and right."

Making a sneer of distaste, Oluo scoffs and leans forward on the table, resting his head upon his wrist.

"There are only a few villages we still need to go to, and they're so small that titans will be easy pickings. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up killing all of them myself. Those new recruits always take their sweet ass time."

"Of course they do, because they're NEW Oluo."

"So what? They better get their asses in gear if they ever want to be as great as me. Got eighty solos under my belt now. Impressive isn't it Petra?"

"As if… the only thing impressive about you is the fact that your tongue is still attached to your mouth…"

"Hey!"

Once again the two youngest of my squad hit it off in another trivial quarrel to which Gunther and Eld mediate, but my attention is not upon them. Instead, I gaze at Avian in my peripheral, careful to not make my staring blatant. Though the sounds of the fight happening beside me grows, the woman stays quite and placid, her eyes difficult to read. Something tugs at me, but for the life of me I have no idea what it is that bothers me.

Perhaps I'm just put off by her subdued demeanor. It's unusual to see her so passive, but I once again raise my gaze to the shadows under her eyes and take notice of the tiredness dragging on her face, and I know that she is just exhausted.

'_Petra is right, you always do work yourself to hard.'_

The Corporal in me wishes to address the issue; a subordinate is no use in battle if they are half dead and weak from overworking, but before I can give it voice the grand wooden doors of the hall open and a loud round of laughter bursts forth.

All eyes turn to the rambunctious group as they enter and take a hard seat at a table on the opposite side of the hall, and above the laughter a familiar voice boasts.

"You're just pissed 'cause I kicked your ass again, Deglan." James' voice rises above the noise. "But don't worry, I'm sure you'll look just as hot with baby smooth legs as you do with hairy ones."

A wave of laughter ensues as someone else chimes in.

"I can't believe you actually accepted the bet knowing you were gonna lose!"

"He cheated!" another voice, presumably Deglan, answers heatedly. "How in the hell do you roll an automatic win THREE TIMES in a row!? You can't tell me those dice aren't loaded!"

"Quit being such a little bitch and suck up the 'L' like a man." James chides, grinning from ear to ear whilst twirling three of said dice in his hand. "I'm dying to watch you strut down the entire Corps hall in all your feminine legged glory."

More laughter and teasing comes forth, and even though they haven't been here even a minute I'm already annoyed and tempted to kick all of them out.

"Loud bunch." Petra comments, looking over for a moment before turning to Avian who still sits in her seat. "If you want to, you can go hang out with them. You don't have to stay with us."

"No thank you." Is the ginger's only reply, and I narrow my eyes slightly at the bland tone to her voice.

Petra must notice it as well, for she blinks and asks again.

"Are you sure? You don't have to spend all day with us you know. We won't hate you for it." Petra jibes playfully, but Avian shakes her head slightly.

"Thank you, but I'm fine." She states again, casting a glance over her shoulder at the boys, expression unreadable.

Petra's brows knit. 

"Something the matter? I figured you'd rather be with James than with us."

"We give each other space at times." Avian glances at the other woman. "And I do not care for the company he keeps."

"Company?"

Petra and I both give the noisy group an investigating glance. Aside from James, the other two men are unfamiliar, and a characteristic scowl reflexively darkens my face while I watch them continue to cut up at unreasonable noise levels.

'_Disrespectful brats.'_

After a moment, Petra gazes at Avian again.

"They are a bit… energetic…" she offhandedly mutters, then continues. "Just who are they? They're not from the Recon Corps, are they?"

"No. If I recall correctly, Deglan and Fabar are aligned with the Military Police, and are stationed here in Stohess to deal with civilian affairs and disputes."

"Ah. That's why they're unfamiliar…"

My scowl deepens in great distain.

'_Military Police, eh? No wonder why I automatically hate them.'_

Narrowing my eyes in great prejudice, I glare at the laughing group and sneer.

"What are Military swine doing here?" I spit, earning glances from Petra and Avian both. "Tracking in their filth…. Tch… Now I'll have to spend all day cleaning up all the mess I'm sure they've made. Can't go into a building without making it into a damn pigsty…"

"They are not the most hygienic folk I've seen." Avian casually agrees, face still flat. "But they are good acquaintances of James now, and he spends time with them often."

"They certainly act like privileged soldiers…" Petra mutters again, frowning. "But they can't be too bad if James is with them. Do you not like them?"

Avian replies curtly.

"No."

"Why? Is it because they're more rambunctious than what you're used to?"

"No." the ginger states curtly again, and with a surprising amount of dislike that catches my attention, she elaborates. "I do not associate myself with them because they are brutish, vulgar morons."

Such blatant, displeased scolding is so foreign sounding coming from Avian's lips that her explanation is almost comical in a way, but before either Petra or I can make further comment upon the subject, a voice calls from the other side of the hall.

"Hey! I heard that Conner!"

At the voice, all three of us turn to see the man named Deglan looking at us, expression a crude kind of jesting.

"I can't believe you're going around talking smack about us behind our backs. Didn't know a pet like you even had a mean bone in your small ass body."

It's impossible to decipher if the man is just pulling her leg or being serious, but either way my face hardens at him. I don't like the way he speaks to her.

In swift response to him, Avian keeps her voice level in retort.

"There is much you do not know." Is her only flat reply before, at the sound of her name, James turns and leans back in his chair to gaze at her.

"Well damn, didn't even notice you." He states bluntly, still playing with the dice in his hands. "But hey, since you're here, go fetch me a drink, will you? We're still in serious discussion about what we're gonna wax into Deg's fabulous leg hair."

"You aren't making me wax ANYTHING on them!" Deglan argues, clenching his fist upon the table. "Fabar, tell me this guy isn't serious..."

"A bet's a bet, and you lost." James confidently challenges back, returning his full attention back to his friend before Avian even has a chance to reply to him.

But I guess it doesn't matter, for when I glance at her next, her features are still oddly flat, and she makes no move to answer him.

Across from me, Petra crosses her arms.

"Why can't he get his own drink instead of sending you to do it…" she half questions, face full of disapproval, to which Avian just shrugs.

"He loathes stopping in the middle of doing something." Is all she says before she slowly stands from her seat. "I apologize, but I must depart from you. I greatly appreciated this talk we've had, and I pray we shall do so again soon."

"Hey, wait!"

I'm just as surprised by Avian's sudden leaving, but it's Petra who stands and addresses her.

"Are you leaving?" she asks, and Avian nods. "But you just got here. If you don't like them so much, then stay with us until those guys leave. No one is forcing you to hang out with them, you know."

"I do know, and I appreciate your concern, but it is fine. Tis just a drink." The ginger calmly answers her.

"But…"

"Tis fine. I've dealt with worse from them before."

At that, the woman turns to leave, but before she gets far, Petra stops her by gently grabbing her wrist.

"Avian…" she starts, drawing the ginger's eyes to her own. "… You… don't seem alright. Are you sure you're fine? Is there anything going on?"

"Do not worry yourself over me." Avian answers, giving her a small smile. "There is nothing of which you can help. My energy just fails me is all."

I want to believe that there is something more to her statement, as I do not miss how the ginger's reply sounds more like a sidestep than an actual answer, but I swiftly push the thought away.

'_It's just the way she speaks and my own over-analyzing.'_ I muse, reminding myself that the woman abhors lying.

Before us, Petra gazes at the shorter woman for a while, obviously contemplating saying something more. However, after several moments all she does is let out a sigh and she cups Avian's hand in hers.

"If you say so." She starts, face still showing concern, and she holds Avian's gaze insistently. "I'm sorry if this annoys you. I just worry about you is all, especially since you're working so hard now. You're my friend and I can't help but look out for you. Look, I won't hold you any longer, but I just want you to know that, if you ever need to talk, or do whatever while they guys are together… I'm here. Okay?"

Avian's expression is completely unreadable, but after a few tense seconds it softens and she makes a small smile. 

"I thank you Petra, and I'll be sure to keep that in mind. But as I said, my energy fails me, so do not fret. I do not enjoy being the cause of distress to my friends."

"Then I'll do my best to not worry."

Holding each other's hands, both women share a silent moment of unspoken understanding. Watching them it is easy to believe that all is well, and I'm secretly glad of the bond that has formed between them. I may not care for them myself, but I enjoy seeing the relationships between my subordinates build and grow. As Gunther and Eld each bid her farewell, and Oluo gives her a courteous nod, I feel something akin to peace knowing that it is not only I who worries over the tiny shifter.

But when at last Avian turns to leave, I cannot help but notice the lack of emotion on her face, and the small feeling of peace I have is swiftly overshadowed by doubt. Something bothers me. It's just not like her to veil her emotions like this, to be so impassive. Even in exhaustion Avian has always been full of expression and charisma, but this…

'_I'm over thinking it again, damn it.'_

But even as I chastise myself, the longer I stare at her, the more certain I am that there is something bothering her. In a quick flash of judgment, I lean forward in my seat so as to gain her attention and really probe her for answers, but by that time she is long gone, her ginger hair disappearing behind the distant kitchen door.

I wish to follow her, but in the back of my mind resolve still stands, so with forced control, I keep myself seated and watch her interactions with the three men from across the hall in silence.

'_It's none of my concern. She's a grown ass woman who can handle her own problems. I don't need to babysit her and break my decision to let her do as she pleases. She has James to console with now.'_

Even as I think to myself, I believe none of my own thoughts, and I do nothing the rest of the night except watch her from the corner of my eye; even while their group becomes overbearing in their brutish horseplay and James loops his arms around her as if to claim her as his own. They all drink and laugh and play together, except for her.

Throughout the entire night, Avian never smiles once.

Xxx

Life becomes a whirlwind of missions and paperwork following a brief week of rest at the end of August. In an effort to completely eradicate titans from inside Wall Maria, most all government funds are given to the Recon Corps which allow us to procure enough supplies to make expeditions a daily occurrence.

For almost three months straight, there is nothing but mission after mission for us. All soldiers do now is fight, eat, then sleep, only to rise at dawn and do it all over again. The strain of such heavy labor takes a great toll as it does well to pulverize our small force into the ground in pure exhaustion.

Complaints and yawning serenade us day in and day out, and every pair of eyes don shadows and heavy lids. We've never been worked this hard, but with the end of the year drawing steadily closer and closer, Erwin is taking full advantage of the rare boost in funds to complete our overall mission before the harshness of winter sets in.

For all our fatigue and sour attitudes and lack of free time, Erwin's demanding schedule, while brutal, is paying off, and even though all of us are nearly half dead, a sort of excitement permeates the air at the thought of what it is we are about to accomplish.

It's been six years since the fall of Maria, and thanks to Erwin and the support of the king, we're a hairs breadth away from realizing its border.

I wish I could be as excited for it as my subordinates are.

Well, perhaps 'excited' isn't the proper word. As far as us reaching our goal and taking another victory in the name of humanity, I could not be more satisfied. Any victory, even a miniscule one, is monumental. It means that we are not just a bunch of helpless bastards waiting to be slaughtered. We can fight back; we can win. My men's deaths won't be in vain, for the moment when the first soldier and civilian step foot inside that wall, all the pain and suffering up until then will have been worth it.

No, it isn't that I'm not eager to take another step toward defeating the titans for good, it's just that I find myself… distracted.

I can't tell if it's terrible of me or not to have most of my attention and concern centered upon one person, but that is exactly what is happening. I can't help it. I'm fully aware that my squad are almost at their limits; even Oluo is too tired to run his filthy mouth, but it is neither him nor any of the others that I constantly seek out after every mission.

I don't know why I continue to bother; Avian is a ghost for all the interaction we have. With all the work and battle going about, the most I see of her are sparing glimpses that reveal nothing to me. Those small sightings where my eye catches the movement of her titan whilst she performs her job, flittering about pulling soldiers out of danger at the last second, just isn't enough. Even after we return home and put our horses away, the moment her military issued mare is taken care of, she disappears, heading off to assist the medical staff with treating the injured.

It's almost tantalizing, those short moments of contact. How is it that we can be so close yet so far? We both work in the same damn military branch, under the same damn roof, with the same damn people, yet even though we are no more than a short walk away from each other at any given time, the gap between us could not feel larger.

And I have no idea how to bridge it. I don't even have _time_ to bridge it.

Work is all we know now, but through it all, she is on my mind, because even with only catching sight of her form a few times a day, with just those few, short moments of contact, I can tell that something is wrong.

She never smiles anymore, nor does she even look happy. All I ever see on her face now-a-days is a look of bland melancholy. I hate it. Such an expression doesn't belong on her face, yet it seems that that is all she is capable of showing.

And exhaustion, that's the other thing. She looks so tired. I know that she is doing her best to help save more lives with all the other trained medics, but all that extra strain shows upon her features. She looks older when she's exhausted: shadows under her eyes, narrow shoulders slumped, blue orbs hooded and dulled… I hate it.

But there's nothing I can do. Oddly, in ironic wishful thinking, I sometimes catch myself hoping that James does well with talking to her and seeing about her needs. I loathe the thought of him doing so, but even my hatred of him isn't enough for me to obstruct him from helping Avian if she needs it.

As long as he helps her, I can live with that. At least he _can._

'_I need to stop. Mulling over 'could haves' won't change anything. She made her choice.'_

It feels like I'm ripping myself apart with the effort, but with extreme strain I detach myself from my thoughts and gather the reports on my desk.

'_Just turn these in to Erwin, then come back and review tomorrow's plans.' _I order myself, knowing that constant reminders of the work that needs to be done is the only way I can keep myself from getting lost in my wistful musings. _'Concentrate on the next task, nothing more.'_

The walk to Erwin's office is but a memory, and the short conversation we have is a blur; My mind is too busy fighting with its own thoughts to pay attention. All I'm aware of is the ground under my boots and the chill air of late November air playing about my face.

It's unreal how detached I feel from my own body sometimes. It's not a depressed sort of detachment, not even close, it's…. more of a daydream kind of state. I'm fully conscious and mobile, all of my emotions are still there and I'm able to function just fine, but my mind always seems to be lost in a daze thinking about her.

It's constant, day in and day out, even while I sleep. I've never been a dreamer, I don't sleep well enough or long enough for that, but here recently, every dawn I wake to thoughts of her; her face, her smile, her laugh, her voice… I can never remember what happens in these dreams I have, but for some reason I always wake with her face on my mind and that warm tightness pulling in my chest. It's as maddening as it is wonderful; it's just further evidence of this curse I bear, to want what I can't have. That's how it always is for me it seems…

'_Fucking damn it. STOP IT.'_

I physically shake myself away from my thoughts, irritated and annoyed at myself for my constant ponderings.

'_Why can't I just LET IT GO. Damn it all, it's over. Quit torturing yourself with this and move on, just like you always have.'_

Giving myself another shake, I determinedly focus my eyes upon the wooden doors of the Corp's dormitories as I continue to walk and concentrate on the steady clack of my boots upon the cobblestone courtyard.

'_Good. One step at a time.'_

It's serene as I walk in early evening with nothing but the sound of migratory birds flying overhead as all of their kind begin to make their journey south for the upcoming winter. It's peaceful, and I'm grateful for the calm atmosphere; it helps still my rampant mind.

But as I walk closer to the sleeping quarters, boisterous laughter can be heard rebounding off its stone walls, and I instantly recognize one of the obviously male voices.

'_Just leave them be.' _I immediately command myself, but not even I can stop my own curiosity as my feet move their own accord and change course.

Instead of heading through the front doors like I'm supposed to, I make my way around the corner of the building following the sounds of voices and laughter until I find them, three males and one female, all sitting together on a low outcropping of stone wall that borders the building. My eyes automatically hone in on the sweeping brown hair of James as he lets out another joyous laugh before hastily saying something obviously funny to Deglan and Fabar. In all honesty, the entire scene would be completely fine and would not bother me if it weren't for one unexpected thing; the girl with them isn't Avian.

It's someone I've never seen before, a taller woman with long brown hair and exotic green eyes, who laughs along with the men with a great deal of comfort and familiarity. Studying her, I quickly notice the emerald unicorn emblem sewn upon the pocket of her uniform jacket, and I can't help but assume that she is probably the sister or good friend of the two male MP's.

Once again, this would be perfectly normal, a group of friends enjoying each other's company on a pleasant fall evening, but I know better. Something tells me to stop, that something is off, so listening to the probing of my intuition I pause near the corner of the building and just watch them. None have noticed me, too engrossed in their conversation, and for a few minutes, that's all they do. Time goes by, and after a while I begin to wonder why I bothered stopping in the first place. Nothing odd is happening, but just as I begin to turn and head back on my way, the woman moves.

Whoever she is, she obviously isn't a relative of any of them for, after insistent prompting from Deglan, she stands and, without modesty, bends over and grasps his face in her hands. From the angle in which I'm standing, I can't see anything even though the very low cut of her shirt hangs open, and the woman teasingly draws her face close to his, mouth muttering something that is very obviously seductive, before ending her sentence with a flirtatious smile and curt word so hilarious that all three men about her burst into roaring laughter.

"Hot DAMN." The booming voice of Fabar calls out, as the woman rights herself. "Where were YOU back in our trainee days!? Us lonely men needed a nice young lady like you to help keep us… motivated… during training."

"Oh don't flatter yourself. Whatever makes you think I'd ever do something with you?" the woman coyly smiles. "You've got a nice face, but a girl needs more than just pretty looks. I'm more into the 'self-confident' type."

"Which is why you're with a thirsty bastard like _him_ then, right?" Deglan answers, nodding his head in jest toward James who merely shrugs his shoulders and plasters on that arrogant smirk I hate so much.

"What can I say?" he states simply, eyeing the woman while he wraps an arm around her. "I'm a desperate man who just found the most refreshing drink he's ever seen…"

"It's a good thing for you that you can back up those mighty words of yours…" the woman purrs back before moving to straddle his lap. "Most men I know are all talk and no bite."

"I've been caged up for too long, so _this_ dog's got _plenty _of bite…"

The entire scene and conversation is so disgusting I wish I could just vomit on the spot, but the only reason I don't is because there is one more emotion coursing through me more powerful than disgust; anger.

I knew there was something sleazy about him, I KNEW. I could practically smell it coming off of him; the stench of some worthless, womanizing bastard. But for Avian's sake, I secretly hoped I was wrong, but that isn't the case. I was right, just as I knew I was going to be, and as I stand there watching this other woman plaster herself over the man that is _supposed _to be with Avian, fiery rage tenses my body and my fists clench.

'_That fucking bastard.'_

I don't hesitate as I stalk toward them, and only when I'm practically on top of them do they turn and notice me. The anger I feel must burn in my gaze because, even though I know my features to be flat and calm, all four soldiers shift backwards at the sight of me. Deglan, Farlan, and the woman all look a bit lost as what to do, but I pay them no mind; I have eyes only for James, and instead of cowering like his fellow dipshits, his gaze hardens.

"Can I help you… sir?" he states simply, not quite hiding the exasperated tone in his voice.

I consider him for a silent moment, raking my eyes over his face and measuring the size of a rather large series of deep scratches upon his cheek that he must have received from the mission earlier this morning. I can't help but feel a bit of satisfaction over his injury, though I wish I caused it myself.

Bringing my gaze back up to his after several tense moments I finally manage to force out a blunt reply, making sure to sound as condescending as possible.

"I was just wondering when it was that piles of shit began growing legs and talking."

At my comment, all eyes narrow at me, but it's only James who speaks.

"Okay _Corporal,_" he begins, still not quite hiding his tone, "what is it you want? We just got back from a mission so I'm sure none of us are in the mood for pissing around."

I've never wanted to punch someone so bad in my life. This bastard is so much different from the meek, hesitant guy I first met all those months ago around the time of Avian's first trial. Just what the hell happened? Of course, my mental question isn't really that much of a question since the three answers are sitting right here in front of me, but for the sake of not causing a scene, I decide the best course of action is to not take his bait and remain stoic. Besides, I have a much more pressing matter that I need to see about other than caving this man's face in.

Without letting up my blank expression, I center cold eyes upon him.

"Where's Avian." I state bluntly, demanding more than asking to which James shrugs.

"How am I supposed to know? Haven't seen her since we got back."

"Really? I figured you'd cling to her like some lice ridden mutt to its owner. I could have sworn you two were… involved."

"Not anymore."

My glare narrows even more, and I can't tell whether I'm surprised or not by this information.

"Me and her did have a thing for a while, but it didn't work out." James continues, giving nothing away. "And is it really necessary to look at me like that? A guy can change his mind, can't he? What are you, the freaking date police now? Why the hell does 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier' even care? Don't you have dishes to clean or some poor trainee to boss around?"

Silence permeates the air for a moment as his shameless jibe hangs and I stand there debating whether to just snap his neck right then and there, but before I can decide, James lets out a sigh.

"Look…" he mutters, backing down and turns his head away. "…I don't know where she is. I saw her right after we got back from the mission several hours ago, but that was it."

My eyes automatically narrow in disbelief, but the woman still straddling the man raises her head.

"It's true." She tells me, gaze wary. "We've been here talking ever since he got back."

"Oh really?"

"Yes." The MP states again, challenging. "Are you going to report us, little man?"

"Tulsa…"

The woman is lucky that James hushes her up first, throwing her a stern gaze to shut her up before I yank her right out of his lap. In fact, I have half a mind to do it anyway just for the hell of it, but there are two problems keeping me from doing so: I have no 'legitimate' excuse to take such actions aside from this group of vulgar brats pissing me the hell off, and there is something much more important I need to tend to first.

I need to find Avian.

I don't know why I suddenly feel such a strong urge to do so, none of this is my problem, but a deep rooted desire to make sure she is alright eggs me on, and I obey it. Without so much as another fleeting glance, I turn and leave, their muttering voices soon drowned out by distance as I round the front corner of the dormitories and walk out of sight. Only when I know they can't see me, I stop.

'_Avian…'_

She's bound to be upset, she has to. I'm more certain than ever that that bastard did something to her, and with her being the weak hearted person she is, there is no way she took that well.

Knowing from past experience, I have no problem guessing that she has hidden herself away; the few times where I've seen her get upset, she's always tried to deal with it alone, but the bigger question I have is figuring out just _where _she's hidden. She could be anywhere, and I have no idea where to even begin looking.

Taking a quick survey of the area around me, I quickly deduct several places automatically: the offices and sleeping quarters are too people congested, the same with inner Stohess and the market. She might be down with the horses, though so soon after returning from a mission there are bound to still be people, so that's not likely. There is a small strip of trees around the Recon Headquarters buildings here, but it's neither large enough to hide in, nor far enough away from people. So if she's not in any place around here, where else is there….

I wrack my mind for any sort of clue I can recall, urgency growing. Every second I spend just standing here feels like an eternity in which I could already be on my way to her, but the longer I think, nothing specific comes to me.

'_Come on… There must be something…'_

Thinking back, I recall the only other time Avian's ever hidden herself away from me way back during her first few months here while we were at the old Recon HQ training. That one night after our failed spar, I had found her practicing on the roof…

Something clicks.

'_The roof… hasn't she said something about how she always climbs to high places when she is upset?'_

In all honesty I can't remember, but with that simple memory of her on top of the castle, I can't help but feel that my assumption is correct.

'_If it is… then she'll probably climb to the tallest thing around here…'_

Once again I survey what's around me; the sleeping quarters, the office building, homing complexes just a short walk from here, and in the distance…

My gray eyes lock onto the looming monolith of Wall Rose, just a shadow in the distance, and the moment I set my eyes upon it's girth, I know.

Without another moment's hesitation, I rush to strap my 3DMG back on, and make my way through populated streets and alleys, ignoring the grunts and annoyed hisses of people I bump into. At long last when the sky has started to grow gold in sunset, I reach the bottom of the Wall and swiftly grapple my way up its stone face. It only takes a handful of seconds before I round it's top and land with practiced ease.

Thanks to the fact that titans have almost been completely wiped out, there are next to no soldiers who man the top of the Wall, and in this particular section, there isn't a soul in sight. With nothing but the juncture where Wall Sina and the Stohess Wall meet in the north, I turn and begin making my way south down it's barren length.

There are still cannons and boxes of supplies stacked and organized neatly upon the Wall, but all are unmanned, and look as if they haven't been touched in ages.

'_She has to be up here.'_

Eyes peeled for any sign of movement, I walk in silence, wishing with each step that hopefully everything will be okay.

Xxx

What the hell am I doing here? I have no idea...

It's quiet, almost tranquil as I stand in place, not knowing what to do. It took a while, but now that I've found who I'm looking for, I've no earthy idea what to do. She's here, just as I hoped she would, but though I'm only a few strides away from where she sits near the edge of the Wall, she hasn't seemed to notice me.

She looks so small, especially upon this huge-ass Wall, and the way she sits facing Stohess with her arms wrapped around her legs which are drawn up to her chest, and how her neck and face are sort of hidden behind a veil of hair… she looks more like a child than a grown woman in the military. Up so high, fifty meters into the sky, a gentle, albeit cold, wind constantly blows causing threads of ginger to fly about her, but even with the slight play of her hair about her face, she doesn't move, steady blue eyes locked onto the sinking sun making its way down to the horizon.

It's impossible to tell just how long she's been up here. It must have been a while, because even though we returned from our mission several hours ago, for the most part she's still in her uniform: her jacket is missing as well as her green mantle and gear, and though the leather straps across her torso are undone as if she had stopped changing midway, she hasn't even bothered to change out of her soiled white tank top and pants.

In all honesty she doesn't look the way I thought she would. I was expecting to find a belligerent, emotional heap, but she appears surprisingly calm from what little I can see of her face.

'_Quit stalling.'_

It'd be an understatement to say that initiating conversation isn't my area of expertise, so instead of struggling to find something right to say or force some off-the-wall comment out, I fall back and greet her the only way I know how.

"Skipping out on your nursing duties like a lazy-ass, I see." I insult.

At my voice, the woman jumps and turns to me, obviously startled, but when she realizes who I am she relaxes, and her grip upon her necklace which she reflexively grabbed loosens.

"Corporal." She states simply, taking a second to regain her composure, and once she does her face falls back into an expression of tainted calm.

It's difficult to read her, an odd notion considering that the woman is one who commonly wears her emotions openly, but as of now, whatever she's feeling is hidden.

Considering me for a moment, Avian keeps her head rested upon her arms as if to hide from me and she casts her gaze away.

"Are you here to order me back to my station?" she asks flatly.

My watchful eyes never leave her face.

"No."

A moment's pause, then she speaks up again.

"Is there something you need of me, then?"

"No."

Avian's eyes return to mine in mute question, but after a few seconds it's clear that she will say nothing more so I continue on.

"I saw that asshat Tucker with his group of shitty friends." I try to instigate again.

The ginger's eyes glide away and she doesn't move.

"I see."

No reaction? Is that really it? Unconsciously my eyes narrow.

"So instead of goofing off with them, you're up here? I thought you were dating him. Aren't you supposed to be all over each other or some kind of weird shit like that?"

Avian shifts just the slighted bit, a subtle movement of burying her neck and head even deeper into her crossed arms, but she says nothing, gazing out to the sky in complete silence.

'_This isn't right. This isn't like her at all.'_

The tiniest ball of worry twinges at her lack of response, and I can't help but study her unmoving form. I've never known her to be so stoic, unyielding, and it does nothing but raise my suspicion that perhaps she isn't as well off as she seems. I know we've had hardly any contact with each other these past six months, but it still doesn't explain her extremely closed off demeanor. Even mad, Avian's always been pretty open with speaking; it's not like her to hide, which only begs the question…

"What happened."

It's an order, and with it her eyes hesitantly return to mine. Just what in the hell did that Tugger do to make her like this? Holding her gaze, I witness an entire ensemble of emotions play in her eyes; interest mixed with wariness, sadness swirled with indecision, all of it overshadowed with a final emotion that I can't quite identify.

Within her gaze a battle plays out. It's apparent that she is contemplating on whether to answer me or not, but I don't worry. She always responds to me so all I have to do is wait until she is ready.

It takes a very long, tense minute in which neither of us say anything, but at the end of it she purses her lips and looks away.

"I…" she begins uncertainly, and I have to strain my ears to catch her voice through the blowing wind. "it… It's nothing…."

I blink.

'_She can't be serious…'_

But when she says nothing more, I feel something shift.

'_Did… she really just _lie _to me?'_

It's difficult for me to believe, Avian NEVER lies, but watching her as she stares away, face half hidden by her hair, how can I not? Even worse, I just barely caught a hint of something that sounded like shame in her mellow voice.

'_Just what is so awful that even SHE can't admit it?'_

I can't tell what afflicts me more: concern for her wellbeing or irritation at her nerve.

My gaze hardens.

"Now we both know that's complete bullshit." I chastise, causing the woman to look up at me. "You're a terrible liar, you know that?"

A shadow passes over her face, and I feel a slight stab of regret for speaking so harshly, but I do not let up.

"What happened." I demand again, still stern but I do my best to not sound so callous.

This time, there is no fight and Avian merely concentrates on staring at my feet.

"May… I ask something first?" she finally says, and after a moment in which I consider her request, I eventually nod.

For some reason, color lightly tinges her cheeks and she clings to her legs a bit tighter.

"I… apologize if this is inappropriate, but… is intimate physical contact between involved persons common here?"

'_The fuck sort of question is that?'_

Instantly I grow wary of her, and I don't answer right away.

"Yes."

Her eyes never leave my boots.

"Are… we supposed to enjoy it?"

I don't like where this is going. I don't like it at all. Just why is she asking me such a thing? Bitterness clogs my throat, and my reply is even longer in coming this time around.

"Yes…"

At this, Avian lets out a barely audile sigh and her face falls.

"I presumed as much." She mutters almost despairingly. "I should have known…"

Suspicion rises and I get a nasty feeling in my stomach. Something happened, I knew it just from her behavior, but what's with her asking me such odd questions? Does she not know how this kind of shit works?

'_I guess not. How could she?'_

She's new to everything dealing with society, why should this be any different? And as I muse to myself over her strange mutterings, suspicion tugs at me again, and the strong emotion prompts me to speak.

"Why?"

Avian knits her brows, so I repeat myself.

"Why ask such a random ass question?"

Her face falls.

"I inquired because… I needed to know if I was at fault." She begins, and before my eyes something stirs in her expression. "I had to understand if my misgivings were out of place, and from your answer, I can only believe that they were."

I have no idea what she is talking about, but I can easily understand that there is something more to her explanation.

"Why does it matter?" I question tentatively, warily. "Of course you should enjoy it. That's the whole point. Why did you even need to ask?"

All of her replies are so hesitant and prolonged as, once again, silence yawns between us while Avian gathers her thoughts. In a small voice after what feels like an eternity, she finally answers.

"Because I didn't."

Like a switch, her face slightly contorts and I can openly see self deprecation there, as well as in her voice.

"I don't understand." She continues desperately. "Something is ill with me, there must be. No matter how I tried, I could never bring myself to fully delight in James' attention. It was… nice… at first, but when it began to escalate, so did my uncertainty, and he began to get perturbed with me because of it. I didn't give his change in demeanor much thought, but perhaps I should have. I naively assumed that the phase would pass, but it never did, and now…"

Avian turns away and her voice is but a shamed whisper.

"… he reached his limit with me today."

My body is rigid as I listen, and though my face is a carefully worn mask, my insides slowly sink with each word she speaks. I hate seeing her like this, seeing her curl upon herself in shame as if she's done something wrong, but even more than that, I hate hearing about what caused her to feel this way.

He hurt her.

Within the swirling pool of bile that sits in my stomach from witnessing her speak of herself with such self-contempt, a more powerful emotion emerges and my eyes sharpen: rage. Just the thought of that bastard blowing up on her makes my throat burn with anger, and without a single thought I cast my gaze over her small body, searching for any signs of distress.

For the most part, I see nothing as I scan her. Her legs are covered in the white fabric of her pants, but they appear to be fine, as well as her bare arms. From what I can see, her face is normal aside from the purple shadows nurtured by exhaustion, so….

I find nothing, but as I look at her something still tugs at me, an intuition of sorts. Something isn't right, she's hiding something.

Taking in her form again, it only takes a second before my eyes pierce the only part of her I can't see; her shoulders and neck, hidden by her hair. She hasn't moved her head from the top of her arms the entire time I've been here, and not even a moment before she sunk into them further, as if to hide from me…

Instantly a knot forms in my gut.

'_He wouldn't dare…'_

Avian watches me curiously as I go to her, and her gaze widens when I kneel beside her. For a moment our eyes lock, gray on blue, and I see a spark flash in her orbs as I carefully take her chin in my fingers and gently lift her head.

My entire being become murderously dark.

'_I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him.'_

I knew it, I knew I was right, but I wish I hadn't been. An icy, fatal fury engulfs me when I spy a collection of faint discoloration encompassing the entirety of her thin neck, and I can literally see the imprints where James' huge hands had gripped her there.

A single, venomous question forces itself out of me.

"Why."

For the first time this whole conversation, Avian answers immediately.

"I refused to give him what he wanted."

Avian didn't give in, didn't let him have her. With a rush of insight I suddenly understand why Tucker had that slutty MP plastered all over him.

"That shitfaced, unicorn fucking bastard."

Avian stares at me, and I'm not even aware that I'm still holding onto her face with how enraged I am. How DARE that bastard lay his hands on her. I'll kill him. I fucking swear I will. I don't even bother to hide my anger when I return her gaze with my own.

"What else." I demand. "What else did he do."

"Nothing." The ginger gapes at me, an unfamiliar emotion coloring her eyes. "I promise I speak truth."

I study her and try to determine whether she really is or not. But as I look, I see nothing but honesty in her wide gaze. Seconds span in silence as we just look at each other; she in mute intrigue and I in piercing attention. It takes everything I have to keep myself composed, and I silently wonder over this powerful, deliberate urgency in me. I feel protective of her. Why? I've always been concerned over the wellbeing of my comrades and subordinates, but _protective_?

It must be part of this whole new 'love' thing that I have no understanding of. It's strange, how I feel personally responsible for her happiness, and along with that, as I stare at her I'm keenly aware of something.

I'm not mad at her.

Why is that? I have every right to be. I knew James wasn't right, I even _warned_ her of him, and she didn't listen. She chose to go her own way, and look where it got her. It's her fault for not heeding me, for just blowing me off like she did. I should be smug in knowing that she got what was coming to her.

But I'm not.

In fact, I feel something completely opposite. Seeing the shame and hurt in her eyes, a discomfort twists inside me, and I realize with fascination that… I hurt too. It's not a physical sensation, but it's just as potent. I'm hurt because she's hurt. I knew this was going to happen eventually, but even then, I never wanted _this._ Even when she was with him, as much as I hate him, I always hoped that James would take care of her, because that's what _I _want for her.

I don't believe I'm even _capable _of being mad at her. And why should I? She didn't listen to me, but really what is there to be mad about? She made a simple choice based on what she believed to be right. It just so happened to be the wrong one.

I all honesty I should be thankful, not for the fact that he hurt her, but because finally, after so long, we're talking again. I'm with her again, and even though the circumstances that lead us here were not what I was wishing for, being with her… it just feels _right._

Musing over my emotions in silent contemplation, my rage slowly begins to ebb away in favor of something else. I don't know what it is, a mix of satisfaction and concern, but somehow the constant gaze of her eyes calms me and reminds me that her welfare is more important than getting back at that two-timing bastard.

Something must have shifted in my expression, for Avian's gaze alters and that unfamiliar emotion from before comes back. It's a mix of perplexity and something else, and I suddenly grow very uncomfortable as I feel her investigating me with her eyes as if trying to figure something out.

In a sudden flight of fluster, I swiftly stand and cast her a hard look.

"What?" I demand, chest tightening as she just follows me with those oddly piercing eyes, and I suddenly find myself floundering for words. "Why are you making that face at me? You look constipated. You need to take a shit or something?"

For some unknown reason, at my comment, a sudden noise escapes Avian's lips and she catches herself, scrunching up her face. I narrow my eyes at her.

"That's even worse." I chide. "You want me to turn around?"

I have no idea what's going on and why she's making such a face, but something that I said must have been too much, because from out of nowhere a great laugh bursts out from her. All I can do is stare in utter confusion as the tiny woman becomes completely lost in a fit of hilarity so strong that she has to hold herself together. My flustered irritation only grows.

"What the hell is so damn funny!?" I demand, glaring at her. "You think this is some kind of joke!?"

For all my threat, Avian only laughs harder, and I'm equally irritated and fascinated by the sound.

"I… I apologize…!" she manages to mutter through a stifling fit, arm raised to hide her wide grin. "It's just… Your comment was highly unexpected… and the way you said it…"

Another round overcomes her, and I do nothing but keep silent and glare as she calms herself down again.

"I apologize again." She states, gazing up at me. "I know not where it came from. I just… couldn't help myself. I… haven't laughed like that in a long while…"

I imagine not. I haven't even seen her crack a smile for months now. It's like Tucker sucked all the joy out of her when he started hanging around with those shitty MP's, and now I guess it finally forced itself out, though I still have no idea how I was so funny.

'_That Tucker…'_

A sneer pulls at my face.

"Tch. I know…" I glower in reply. " It's because of _him_, that fucking colossal, unhygienic asshat."

Avian chuckles and she turns away as she loses herself again, leaving me with nothing to do except stare at her. It's such an odd sound, her laughter. I can hear the strain in it from where it's grown rusted in disuse, but above that rings the chime of her voice raised in uninhibited joy. It's been so long since I've heard her laugh, _really _laugh, that I get lost in it. Watching her, a sudden epiphany hits me, leaving me reeling in disbelief.

'_I… made her laugh.'_

Wonder overcomes me, and I'm thankful that she is turned away because I cannot help the small amount of wonder that softens my features. I made her laugh. I actually made her laugh. I didn't think myself capable of making _anyone _laugh, but here I am standing in front of a woman struggling to contain her amusement at something I did. It's… unreal.

Forced through dying chuckles, Avian turns back to me.

"Under normal circumstances," she begins," I abhor using such vulgarity, but in this instance I shall relent. James is, in fact, a colossal, unhygienic asshat. Whatever that means…"

Avian smiles at me then, just a small upturn of her lips while yet another small chuckle escapes her, and for a reason I don't understand my breath stops midway.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because of how the gold light of the setting sun turns her tresses to bright copper and makes her skin glow in just the right places, even though her hair is a mess and her round cheeks are still a bit blotchy from where they had laid on her arms. Maybe it's because I suddenly noticed just how well the blue of her eyes shines and compliments her fair, freckled face despite the purple of shadow that lays beneath them. Maybe it's because this is the first time she's smiled at me in months, and I somehow managed to make her laugh not but a moment before. Whatever it is, I find myself abruptly transfixed, unable to look away, and a very sudden realization strikes me.

She's beautiful.

It's like my body is frozen, and my carefully constructed mask seems to fall away as I gape at her. Why am I just now noticing this? Has she always looked like that? Have I just not paid attention? I have no idea, and my mind is too distracted by the great clenching and warmth silently assaulting my chest.

'_Why do I feel like I'm having a fucking heart attack!?'_

My chest hurts, and I can feel the hard, swollen thrumming of my heart against my ribs as if I've just slaughtered a thousand titans. It's painful and exhilarating and breath taking all at the same time. It makes no sense, but it overwhelms me in the most unmistakable, enrapturing way.

For all I know I could stay like that for hours, unable to move, but a great gust of wind comes to us then causing Avian to close her eyes against its strength, and only when she looks away do I regain control of my body and jerk to attention. Now free, I give myself a mental shake and hurriedly try to regain my composure, wiling myself to calm down.

"Shitty wind…" I curse, glaring into open space as if that will stop it from blowing, and watch from the corner of my eye as Avian draws her hands up her arms.

My eyes narrow at the chill-bumps forming on her bare skin.

'_Idiot. Coming out here with no jacket on.' _I frown.

Clicking the triggers on my bladeless hilts, I gain the woman's attention and nonchalantly glare at the large city below.

"Let's go." I order curtly. "Your neck needs to be treated before it gets even more hideous. Plus you're freezing, and I'm not about to haul your frozen carcass all the way back."

The woman doesn't hesitate to nod, and with arms still wrapped around her torso she stands. Only once she starts walking toward me do I glance over and notice that her straps are bare.

"How the hell did you even get UP here without gear?" I question.

Avian shrugs.

"I climbed."

At my raised brow, the woman draws her arms away from herself and, with a single thought, steam erupts from her limbs and from it a pair of large, clawed hands emerge, the titan limbs connecting to her human body just past her elbow.

I frown.

"Why does every shifter have to do some weird shit." I state flatly. "Since when did you learn to do that?"

"Accidentally, just a few hours prior."

Again I raise my brow in question as I stare at the blackened claws of her titan, and without reason a vision of James comes to mind. He had several nasty looking slices on his face of which I thought he had received in battle, and without understanding the logic behind my assumption, I connect two and two together.

"You socked Tucker in the face earlier, didn't you?" I ask out of nowhere, and Avian blinks at me for a moment before giving me a slight nod.

I feel a great deal of smug satisfaction at her answer.

'_Good. The shit head deserves it.'_

While Avian dislodges the limbs from her arms, I busy myself with checking the switches and triggers of my gear just so I have something to do except stare at her. Once free, Avian rubs her arms again, dissolving titan limbs laying at her feet, and a minute passes where she just stands.

"Well?"

She glances up at me in confusion and irritation sparks my gaze.

"You going to come here, or you planning on jumping down?"

"Oh."

Understanding flashes over her features, and it takes every ounce of self control I have to keep my composure as she walks over and hesitantly puts her arms around my neck. Without another word and in a hurry to get this over with as soon as possible, I wrap my own arm around her waist and step off the edge without waiting for her consent. Swinging down the side of the wall in skilled, deliberate arcs, my heart once again swells in my chest at having her so close, and I swear she can feel it pound.

It's only a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity in which I can barely keep myself together. The moment our feet touch the ground I let her go and stalk away, taking deep breaths in order to return my throbbing pulse to normal. Though she catches up with me quickly, thankfully Avian does not speak as we make our way back to base. By the time the Recon buildings are in our sights, I've stilled my thudding chest and plastered my customary bored expression upon my face.

"My office."

She only makes a slight sound in answer, following just a step behind me, and as we round the corner to head through the courtyard that divides the sleeping quarters from the offices, my eyes fall upon a familiar group.

'_They're still here.'_

Before me, still sitting in the same place, Deglan, Fabar, Tulsa, and James sit, still talking and doing nothing but sitting upon their lazy asses. Immediately my gaze locks on to the hulking form of Tucker, and just the sight of him is enough to reignite the cold fury I felt back on top of the wall. I can almost imagine his laughing face as it must have been only hours before, contorted with rage, and in my mind's eye I see him with his huge hands wrapped around Avian's neck.

Midstep, a decision is made.

I pay no attention to the woman behind me as she struggles to keep up with my sudden rise in pace, and I make a beeline for the group. With each step, dark rage builds in me, and all I can see is his hideous face glaring down at Avian's. I'll kill him. NO ONE lays their hands on her and gets away with it.

My fists clench, gaze piercing the backs of their heads as they sit unaware upon the stone outcropping. Back to me, Tucker is completely oblivious to what's coming. That is until I reach them, grab the collar of James' jacket, and swiftly punch him in the face.

All three MPs exclaim in surprise at my sudden appearance and I scowl down at James as he falls to the ground, hand to his face.

"WHAT THE HELL!?"

I don't give any of them enough time to process what just happened before I grab the front of Tucker's jacket and yank him up to my face.

"You really think I wouldn't find out?" I state bluntly, watching in deep satisfaction as the man suddenly realizes what's going on and his eyes meet mine.

Beside me, Deglan steps forward.

"What the hell? What's going on?"

"Put him down!" the brown haired woman says next, glaring at me, but I pay neither her nor the other men any mind.

My attention is for James only.

With a rough shake from me, James grunts and glares at me.

"The fuck do you want!?" he growls. "Get your hands off me!"

He tries to loosen my grip, but before he can I yank him up again. James is a large guy, so it's impossible for me to lift him off his feet, but I do manage to take him off his knees before slamming him back into the ground.

Coughing for air, I raise his face back up to mine.

"You think you're some cool shit, don't you." I sneer, words dripping venom, and James glares at me.

"The fuck are you talking about!?" he growls back.

"You think I wouldn't find out what you did?" I repeat, utterly hating this man's new found arrogance and apparent disregard for authority. "Don't play stupid with me. You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, Tucker."

His eyes narrow as he watches me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He says again, struggling.

I don't believe a word he says, and I enjoy seeing the much larger man squirm in my grip as he looks around him.

"Guys!"

He calls to them, but neither Deglan or Fabar move, both soldiers watching me with uncertain gazes. The brown haired woman on the other hand takes a step back and, with a final scrunched glance at the man in my grip, turns and leaves.

"HEY! Where you going!"

He struggles even more now, but my grip never falters.

"Let me the fuck go!" he demands, trying to wrench my fists off him. "I don't know what you're talking about, alright! So just quit being an ass and let me go!"

James looks about himself, obviously looking for an escape, and when his gazes shoots behind me he stops dead. I don't need to turn around to know who he is looking at, for his eyes grow in realization then, as quick as a flash, narrow. The bastard glares behind me, staring down upon Avian like a master glowering at a disobedient dog.

Something in my snaps.

Moving of its own accord, my fist flies and I hear the satisfying crack of my knuckles on his face.

"James!"

Fabar doesn't move, but from my peripheral I see Deglan rush for me. With practiced ease I drop James as Deglan swings at me, dodging his hook with plenty of time to spare, and before he can blink I take his outstretched arm and sharply twist it. The man lets out a howl, side stepping so his limb isn't popped out of socket, and I swiftly silence him with a strong jab to the jaw. Deglan crumples, unconscious before he even hits the ground

My eyes slide to Fabar next, body ready for him, but instead of coming at me the cowardly man turns and flees like the useless swine he is.

At my feet, James shifts, pushing himself up from where he fell and with a growl wraps his arms around me in an attempt to tackle me to the ground. I hear Avian let out a gasp behind me, but the man doesn't get far before I slam my elbow into his skull, causing him to halt in stunning pain, and I slam my knee into his face.

James falls.

"You understand what I'm talking about now?" I mock darkly, reveling in his pain, and James glares death at me from his position on the ground, blood pouring from his nose.

"I snapped alright!?" he spouts through gritted teeth. "I wasn't thinking. Do you know what she did!? Nothing!"

Fire burns in his gaze, and he angrily continues.

"I swear it isn't what it looks like! I didn't know what else to do! I was frustrated because she's a freaking doormat! You wouldn't understand because you've never had anyone, but I just can't go about my day all fucking dandy and NOT want her. Three months I tried, but she wouldn't let me. I was even understanding at first! But after weeks of having that bitch turn me away day after day because she 'isn't comfortable'," he mocks, "I couldn't take it anymore! So I lost control and she broke up with me! What else was I supposed to do!?"

"So you hurt her because she didn't want you back."

"Yes!"

James looks desperate now, eyes wide in pleading for me to understand.

"We were together for six months, yet I got nothing! How was I supposed to deal with that? What's the point of even dating someone if you can't shag them? That's part of the deal; that's what they're there for."

With each word he speaks, my anger only grows, and I glare at him with a steel gaze so sharp he visibly winces.

"So that's what kind of person you are…" I mutter darkly, understanding him perfectly.

For a moment, a shimmer of hope spawns in his eyes as I pace toward him, but soon enough that to evaporates as my boot collides with is gut, sending the breath out of him.

"You're one of those sexist pigs, aren't you?" I continue, kicking him again. "Someone who believes that they are superior just because they have a dick to play with."

It's amazing how easily I slip back into how I used to me, the Levi who lived in the Underground. I feel nothing as I watch him writhe in pain as kick him again, and my language grows even raunchier.

"I've met bastards like you; cunts who feel as if women owe them just because they have balls to scratch. How disgusting."

Kick.

"You think that it's just the natural order of things? To snag whomever you can get your filthy hands on then boss them around as if they are your personal servant. I saw how you always ordered her around like she's some kind of steward. Did your _daddy_ teach you that?"

Kick.

"Or maybe it was your new friends; the disgraceful swine that you've taken such a liking to. You weren't nearly this much of a fuckface before them. Their filth must have rubbed off on you."

Kick.

"You may look strong but you're about as threatening as a dog in the middle of taking a shit. About as smart as one too. It's a shame; two heads and no brain."

Kick.

"How's it feel, Tucker, to be on the opposite end of things? Say, does it help you feel like a man, pushing her around like that? You think you're entitled to her kindness just because you sunk your deformed claws into her? You think you can just treat her like trash the moment you know she's yours?"

Again and again I beat him, growing more sadistically satisfied with every strike. He doesn't even have the breath to let out proper yelps, reduced to nothing more than a panting, bloody heap on the ground. I don't feel for him, he deserves every bit of this and more. With each strike a memory flashes in my mind: every order he gave her, every time he dismissed her presence, every look of veiled sadness upon her face, everything he ever did to make her feel less than what she is I pay back tenfold.

He isn't worth her tears.

I'm not aware of anything aside from the steady thud of my heel crushing him. I'll beat him to death for what he did, I've killed other men for lesser things. But mid-kick, a softness lays itself upon my arm and I freeze.

It's strange, how two grown men using all their strength couldn't even make me budge, yet a simple brush of hand from Avian is enough to stop me in my tracks. Without moving my head, I slide my gaze over to where she now stands beside me. Her expression is steady, not revealing anything, and though she neither moves nor speaks, I understand what she is telling me.

After a second more, I return my gaze to the crumpled man below. With a final thrust, I slam my boot into his sternum one last time for good measure before bending and drawing him up to my face by his collar. His face is a mess of blood and dirt, eyes nearly swollen shut, and I draw my face near his and mutter venom.

"She just saved your worthless life." I tell him, "Don't take her act of mercy for granted. It's been a while since I last slit a throat, so I can't promise that yours will be quick and painless."

Without a second thought I shove the man back to the ground, ignoring the groan that escapes his lips and step around him. Behind me, I hear Avian follow but after a few steps she stops, and I turn just enough to see her gazing down at where Tucker watches her.

Nothing is said as they stare at each other, and I watch carefully, ready to strike the moment he even thinks about moving toward her. But he doesn't, instead he just lays in the grass and lifts his swollen head. It's hard to determine what's going through his mind considering I beat his ugly face into a pulp, but Avian doesn't look away from him.

Her own face is oddly flat and completely unreadable as she stares down at the man she thought cared for her. I don't know what it is she is thinking or wishing to do, but moments tick by and she does nothing. It's strange seeing her look like that. She's always so kind and open that to witness the lack of emotion upon her features is almost surreal. For a long time she does nothing but stare then, after a long pregnant pause, she turns and walks away.

James follows her with his eyes as she comes to me, but his effort is wasted. Avian doesn't look back, and together we leave him and his unconscious friend to lie in the dirt.

She doesn't speak to me, and I say nothing to her, but we walk together side by side in understanding silence. Nothing but the sound of our feet upon cobblestone follows us as we make our way toward my office, but once James far, far behind, the woman beside me speaks.

"May… I ask something?" she mutters softly, eyes straight ahead.

I glance at her from the corner of my eye.

"What?"

"Why do you keep doing that?"

I don't understand exactly what she means, but she continues before I can ask.

"Why do you keep defending me?" she explains, voice low. "It causes nothing but dilemma for you, yet you continue to aid me though you gain nothing in return. I feel as if I am nothing but a nuisance, an ignorant child who blunders everything she does, yet you still look out for me. Why? Especially with something like this? I didn't even listen to you. You were right about him, yet I chose to go my own way. So why…?"

Avian looks up at me then, and I'm struck by the emotion in her beautiful gaze.

"What reason do you have for helping me the way you do?"

My chest tightens despite my best efforts, and it feels as if my heart is trying to split in two.

'_What reason do I need?' _

It's been six months since I realized just what it is that makes me feel this way; six months since the word 'love' first entered my mind, yet through all that time I still have no better understanding of it than I did back then. I have so many reasons for doing what I did, and at the same time I don't need a reason at all. I'm protective of her, what else can I say? Just the thought of someone or something hurting her again makes me almost lose my mind. I can't stand it, and what else could it be other than love?

But hesitation plagues me, and though I know what it is I'm feeling now, I still cannot help the instinct to fight it. So instead of voicing my thoughts, I hide them behind my customary steely gaze and frown.

"Why ask such a dumbass question." I mutter to her in irritation, veiling my uncertainty behind a wall of annoyance. "You're my subordinate and under my command. What do you expect me to do, just let whoever the hell feels like it beat you up?"

Understanding comes over her, and the ginger turns away.

"I suppose you're right."

For a moment, a twinge of regret sinks in me at the down tone of her voice. I hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but before I can feel any worse her face lifts slightly.

"I don't know what I was thinking," she concludes. "I apologize for asking such a mundane question. I guess I just assumed you would have been fed up with me by now."

'_I could never get fed up with you.'_

My thoughts form of their own accord, and they tickle my mind, begging to be spoken, but I keep my mouth tightly shut.

"'Fed up' isn't how I would put it; it's a little more like' exasperated as hell'." I answer flatly.

Again, I don't know what was so funny about what I said, I was being dead serious, but a small chuckle escapes her.

"I see. I cannot blame you for feeling such a way considering how much of a hassle I've been to you." She chides herself, and her bright blue eyes seem to lighten. "I really wish there was more I could do for you. You've assisted me with so much, even after I went and messed things up, I believe I'll never be able to repay you for your constant kindness..."

At this, she makes a small, genuine smile that makes my breath hitch in my throat.

"Thank you… For everything, Corporal."

It's difficult for me to think, and I can't seem to break my gaze away from hers. My face is stoic, yet my chest flutters. A strange force takes me then, and before I can stop myself I speak.

"Levi."

Avian blinks.

"I'm sorry…?"

I feel just as surprised as she looks by my sudden outburst, and I can't help but to take a moment to consider what just popped out of my mouth. Instantly Hanji's words from all those months ago comes to mind. '_How do you expect to get personal if you won't even bother calling her by her ACTUAL name?' _She's right. All this time I've never even bothered, and look where it got me. Nowhere.

'_But not anymore.' _I decide. _'I'm going to change that.'_

Thinking of it is one thing, but actually doing it is a whole other matter. I have to look away, but despite the persisting tightness and pounding in my chest from how awkward this is, I sigh and force words from my mouth in a grudging mutter.

"When we're in private, call me Levi." I elaborate, and I can almost feel the wonder emanating from the woman beside me.

"Really?" she replies, eyes wide. "You'll let me do that?"

'_I wish she'd quit doing that.' _I growl mentally, hating and loving at the same time how her eyes make my insides do all sorts of weird shit, and I reply curtly to hide the thrumming of my chest.

"No, I just felt like shitting with you." I scowl back. "I should take it back then, if you're going to act like that."

"No!" Avian hastily replies. "I apologize! I'm just startled because it's so sudden."

The woman calms down and mellows out her face, but a grin still lingers upon her features.

"If I may add to, and if such a thing is allowed given your station, I would very much appreciate it if you would refer to me as Avian, if it is not much trouble."

It's such a simple request, yet at the prospect of calling her by her first name I become oddly flustered, and I harden my gaze.

"Is that all?"

Avian nods, and I let out a small sigh.

"Fine."

"Fine, what?"

I narrow my eyes at her, but she does nothing but grin back at me in that endearing, expectant way of hers. I'd be annoyed by the constant instigation if it wasn't for the fact that it's _her,_ and after a second or two of us staring at each other, I eventually give.

"Fine… A… Avian…"

The name comes out so clunky and awkward, and I frown at myself. I've called her 'Conner' for so long, that using her given name just feels strange, but even though it didn't exactly side of my tongue the way I thought it would, Avian smiles.

"Much better." She nods in satisfaction. "Now I can give you my thanks properly."

If it's possible, her eyes lighten even more, and my breath just stops completely.

"Thank you, Levi."

I've heard my name spoken thousands of times, but coming from her it's like I'm hearing it for the first time. Unlike me, she has no trouble saying it, and her smile broadens at the sound of it, of course who am I to blame her? She's been waiting for this moment ever since we met.

'_Let her enjoy it.'_

The sun is nearly set now, so everything is colored in deep shadows of purple and blue, but I can see her just as clear. Even in growing darkness her hair and eyes still shine, and her face still glows with that strange energy of hers. And her voice…

My heart swells at its hum, and I've never loved the sound of my own name so much.

***Author's Note***

I DID NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO BE SO LONG. WHY DOES MY WRITING ALWAYS RUN ON LONGER THAN INTENDED!? OAO But there was some major stuff that happened in this chappy, as well as some nice Levian moments, so I guess it's worth it? xD

Anyway, thank you all for bearing with me on this obscenely long chapter, but there just wasn't a good place for me to stop, and I refuse to make another two part chapter. I REFUSE! So that's why this is long as hell. I tried, but there just isn't anything I could cut out to make it shorter. I almost decided to remove the whole scene where Avian speaks with Squad Levi before James and his band of glorified hobos appear, but I felt I needed to leave it to give some sense of who Deglan and Fabar are, as well as how James' attitude has changed. Plus that little moment with Petra needed to be there. It's sad that they don't have much written time together, but she and Avi have such a great friendship in my head that I couldn't help but put that in there.

Also, I usually try to stray away from something so typical, but as far as the whole bit about James physically/sexually assaulting Avian I really couldn't help myself for two reasons: the idea was actually inspired by something that happened to one of my friends, and just like what happened with James, their significant other began hanging with the wrong crowd and it changed them. The fact that James changes from being genuine in his feelings for Avian to something of an entitled sexist just goes to show that the company you keep can affect who you are, and that, unfortunately, sex is a huge part of what instigates people to date instead of more vital aspects such as personality or something of that sort. I've always imagined the community in SNK to act similar to how it is here in modern day, so issues such as prejudice(as seen in Avian's trial), as well as the socially accepted and promoted notion of sex appear. It may be cliché, but I've seen too much of how perfectly happy couples split over such a trivial issue, and that sexual interaction is so common it's even expected. The second reason why I went through with it is because, simply, I really wanted Levi to beat the shit out of James, so I gave him a reason too. Nuf said.

Well, let's not stretch this longer than I already have. REVIEWS!

**EpicShadowNinja: **It's very difficult for me to write out Levi's emotional dilemma with nothing to go by. All we've ever seen in the anime/manga is pretty composed, so I have to go by is my own opinion on how he would react/handle certain situations, which is why this chapter took so long to write. I restarted about two or three times because the beginning just didn't come out right. And I'm glad to say that your suspicion of James was correct xD

**Thebeccac: **CAPS LOCK OAO Haha! I'm sorry, but seeing all the frustration from last chappy just makes me giggle like an evil mastermind. I cannot thank you enough for your wonderful and heartfelt compliments! They make me wanna cry with joy ;u; And yes, this is an original plot aside from sparse key points (the Recon Corps goal to get to Eren's basement for example). It's all kinda slow right now, but the plot will pick up and thicken here in about two chapters, and from then on (hopefully) it'll get REAL interesting ;D

**Close enough story: ***laughs evily at dashing your hopes* Once again, I'm sorry but hearing the frustration is just pure amusement to me xD. But hey, at least Levi finally came to understand what was going on, otherwise none of the adorable Levian moments in this chapter would have happened. I'm glad this entire story is a rollercoaster of feels for you, as that is my intention. It's more fun that way :D

**Crystalviolet24: **What a coincidence! I love it when character's birthdays fall on or near my birthday as well. It makes me all giddy :D And please don't cry! It hurts so see Levi in such pain to, but it'll be okay! (I'm actually surprised my writing was written well enough to invoke such strong emotion, honestly). I'll never get tired of hearing how I manage to keep this man in character. It's so difficult sometimes T-T And you don't have to thank me for greeting you back! I love replying to reviews and communicating with my readers! That's why I pretty much beg for reviews every chapter xD

**Duda: **Boo James indeed lol. They have both been through quite a lot haven't they? So much toil and misunderstanding in their relationship, but hopefully now that Levi understands what he's feeling toward Avian, they can both work together to amend their relationship maybe even make it grow ;D

**Sasusakufan2357: **YES, JAVIAN WAS CANNON HAHAHA! But I killed it quick, so don't worry. It's dead now. I personally found it hilarious that Avian took so long tending to Levi's injury, and the fact that she got flustered seeing him shirtless :'D For all her awkwardness and eloquent speech, she is still a female, and what female can resist oogling Levi's killer abs? xD I'll put you at ease and let you know that Levian moments will become cannon here in the next chappy. You'll just have to wait and see what exactly happens. Hopefully it'll be good ;D

**19Delfin: **LONG REVIEWS I LOVE IT :D I can't state enough just how relived I am that Levi stays in character. He's so complex that it's difficult to determine how he'll react to certain situations, so most of the time I have to make an educated guess. But at least I make him believable. That's a plus ^^

I can say the same for Avian as well. Though she is my own character, I usually won't know how she'll react to certain things until I actually get around to writing it. I'm also glad to hear that someone understood where her naiveness comes from. Clueless female tropes are common, so I tried to avoid that, but given the fact that she was raised by only her family with no contact with other people, ignorance and naiveness are to be expected, so I took a risk in writing her that way. But I'm glad she is enjoyable! Her speech has developed from reading as well as her parents coaching, though it's mostly from her mother who was a prolific writer. I really wanted one aspect of her to really stand out and be unique, and though I didn't plan on it, it's her speech that filled this role. I definitely try to make her as human and believable as possible as well, with a mix of assets and flaws that coincide with her personality and talents. I also personally enjoy her brutal honesty as well, as it makes for some great conversation, as seen in Levi and Avi's first fight lol.

I really couldn't bring myself to keep Squad Levi dead. Though Petra is usually the one most people miss most, and she has a slightly bigger role and relationship with Avian in this fic, I love all the members with all my heart, even Oluo (the goofus xD). And I'm always glad to hear of people who enjoy long chapters, though this one was just…. I don't even know… I will say I dedicate a lot of time to crafting this work, so any criticism and compliment is greatly appreciated and much loved. This fic is pretty much my baby, and all the free time I have is spent writing so I'm happy to hear all my work is paying off ^^ I also thank you for your independent reviews for the individual chapters as well. They help point out what was good and helps me determine what I should write more of. It's awesome!

**Arwenia: **I'm sorry the clusterfuck of the previous chapter made you physically sick. Please don't do that ;n; It's only for drama and stuff, I promise! I thank you for the compliments, and it's nice to know someone else ships Levian as hard as I do xD (I'm so freaking obsessed with my own fictional pairing it's retarded). I'll do my best to stay healthy and happy, but with work the way it is right now it seems a few hours of sleep is all I'll ever get. And I always seem to update at, like, three in the morning after staying up 30+ hours because who needs sleep xD

I guess that will be it for now. Just a heads up to anyone who is interested, Chapter Two of Bird's Eye View was posted a while back which gives a brief glimpse into the relationship Avian had with each of her family members, and Chapter Three has been posted which documents just what all went down between Avian and James from the beginning right to the end. Perhaps it'll do well to make you hate his guts even more lol. But anywho, that's all I have to share for right now. I WILL tell you guys, however, that this next chapter (hopefully it's only one, uggh..) will pretty much be 100% Levian fluff, so…. Yay! Before I go, just gonna throw this out there that I will be gone for a week the last bit of March into April, soooooooooooooo… I'mma try to crank out one more chapter before then, but no promises. As always, please leave your thoughts and comments in a review and I'll see you guys next time!

-Ambi

***Author's Note Note***

So I'm adding this right before I post just as a quick update.

To begin, I apologize for the extreme wait time in between uploads. I was working on this as well as the third chapter for BEV, and I wished to finish them both before posting since they needed to be uploaded together. I also apologize for any errors as I was in a rush to try and get this done as quickly as possible and didn't take my time as I usually do. Plus I had to write out a lot of conversations which takes me forever, and I had to start writing from the beginning about three or four times because the first portion (Levi's monologue) just kept coming out wrong and I hated it.

But more so than that, I'm just letting you guys know that I'll be gone for a week near the end of March going into April as I'll be out of state with my family, so there will be absolutely no writing during that time. In addition, an issue has popped up concerning my health and, to make a long story short, just a day before this is posted I nearly passed out at work due to an old injury in my back (I broke my spine several years ago playing soccer) and went home early. I'm currently in the middle of trying to see a chiropractor for it, but at this juncture it hurts to really do anything including sitting in chairs and even laying down.

I hate to be a downer, and I'll do my best to write as quickly as I can, but I can't promise any swift updates. I am NOT abandoning this fic, nor will I EVER abandon it, so rest assured that this isn't some kind of hiatus where the author leaves for a while and never comes back. It's just difficult for me to write right now is all.

Anyway, I'll quit talking since this is at freaking 21,000 words.

Until next time!

-Ambi


	26. Taking Chances (Part 1)

Chapter 24:

**Taking Chances (Part 1)**

"Take a seat."

I don't know why he even bothers making the offer anymore when he knows that I pretty much do whatever the hell I feel like, but I guess professionalism is so ingrained into his being that he can't help it, even after all these years.

He always was a proper man, strong willed and unwaveringly calm in the face of adversity, like he was born to be a leader of soldiers. Such level demeanor has never faltered, and it is that same level façade that I'm greeted with now as I silently obey his order and take a seat on the wooden chair by his desk.

Just like mine, Erwin's office is impeccably clean and free of unnecessary clutter, though the amount of files, documents and other paperwork he keeps neatly piled on the floor and any other flat surface far surpasses the amount I'll ever have to deal with. There really isn't much going for it; just a few cabinets, chairs, a desk and a lamp, there isn't even any sort of decorations on the walls, but I busy myself looking about the room in utter boredom while Erwin takes his own seat behind his desk.

It's quiet, and I can feel him studying me, analyzing the situation before, after a few more moments of silence, he speaks.

"You know why I brought you here." He begins.

At his voice I grudgingly turn my attention toward him, unsurprised to see him with his blue eyes fixed upon me with his hands folded neatly upon his desk. His skill with keeping his face unreadable is as good as my own, and though I've known this man for years and I put all my faith and trust into his leadership, I am no better off than Hanji or any other soldier in figuring out what is going on in that blonde haired head of his.

'_Always such a damn stiff…' _I mentally comment before I lean back in my seat, fold my arms across my chest, and answer him in the most bland voice possible.

"Because you took an impressive shit and you want to tell me about it." I state flatly, leveling my bored gaze onto his in the hopes of seeing SOMETHING, but as always my crude comment does not faze him and Erwin merely continues.

"I was informed of an incident that happened yesterday evening involving you." He elaborates calmly, taking in my form. "Would you care to explain?"

"What is there to explain?" I curtly answer, unmoving. "You obviously already heard, so why bother asking me?"

"I wish to hear about the situation and the reasoning behind your actions from _you_."

"Well if you know about it then you can probably guess as to why I did what I did."

"I do, but I still wish to hear your part."

"What for? You know I really do hate repeating myself, Erwin…"

"I'm not here to argue with you, Levi."

At this Erwin's eyes sharpen just the slightest amount.

"I have a perfectly good soldier who is now stuck in the infirmary in terrible condition because you felt the need to take matters into your own hands instead of alerting me to the situation first." He states, and though he is impossibly calm I can detect a shadow of something close to exasperation lingering in his voice. "You may have command over our soldiers, but your authority does not permit you to exact physical action against subordinates. You know just as well as I that such behavior is unprofessional and demands official repercussion…"

"So you're here to punish me."

There is no accusation in my voice, only blunt acceptance, and after a tense moment Erwin inclines his head.

"In short, yes, depending on what reason you tell me to explain why you assaulted Cadet James Tucker so savagely. Your explanation will determine the severity of your penalty."

"Tch."

A shadow of annoyance pricks me, and though I'm certain it shows upon my features, Erwin neither comments upon it nor grows aggravated in return. In all honesty, it isn't the impending punishment that irks me so much as it is the fact that such an action is being taken over that useless bastard Tucker.

'_Should have forbidden him from going to the infirmary. It figures the damn asswipe would go and cower in his bed surrounded by nurses to baby him back to health.'_

I almost regret not snapping his neck and just being done with it.

Erwin is a patient man, saying nothing as silence permeates between us as I try to gather words. But after I while I eventually let out an irritated grunt and glare out his open office window.

"It had come to my attention over the past several months that there was suspicious activity happening between Tucker and one of my subordinates. " I begin, "I didn't know exactly what, but from what I witnessed her attitude, mannerisms, and general demeanor began to alter over time, though I refrained from intervening. Yesterday while returning to my office after delivering reports to you, I saw Tucker and his group of dimwitted friends and overheard word that things had been cut off between Tucker and my subordinate. Since she had been in a pretty shitty state beforehand, I pressured Tucker to tell me where she was, and even though the idiot didn't help I eventually found her. Once I did, she insinuated to me that Tucker had been mistreating her with hints toward physical, even sexual, abuse. From there you can guess the rest."

Even in the middle of explaining a hotness sears me. Just recalling the incident is enough for a minute bubble of rage to quicken in my chest, but I do well to stifle it. Now is not the time to get worked up, and Tucker already got what he deserved, so instead of bowing toward my naturally brutal tendencies I keep my gaze locked upon the slow moving clouds floating from the square confines of Erwin's office window.

Erwin takes a good moment to consider my words, his gaze never leaving me, and his stature is oddly still.

"Tucker assaulted one of your soldiers."

"Probably."

"What evidence do you have?"

My frown deepens.

"There is bruising about her neck from where I can only assume he tried to choke her. Even Tucker himself stated that he '_snapped' _." I sneer, "I never saw him actually hit her, but I don't need to. His shifty, douche-faced personality is enough."

"You know personal grudges do not validate offenses." Erwin states simply, his voice is calm and leans back in his chair. "But I also feel that your feelings are not misguided."

At this my eyes lazily slide to him, and he contemplates me back.

"Though often brutish, I trust your judgment, so I will see to it that this matter is investigated thoroughly and Tucker is officially interrogated." He eventually continues, and I feel a great satisfaction at his decision.

"Good. You know I don't have much patience for this kind of thing."

Erwin nods.

"I do, though there is one thing you have conveniently left out of your explanation…" he says, and my scowl deepens the slightest amount. "Who is the woman Tucker was assaulting?"

I don't know why, but I find it difficult to bring myself to answer him. I feel oddly protective, as if not mentioning her will somehow protect her in some unrealistic way, but more than anything I feel wary. I have no way of knowing if Erwin has an inkling of what kind of relationship we have, and I hesitate to mention anything of it in anticipation of negative attention, especially after the events of the previous day. However I know that I can't keep my silence and, after a tense second of unexpected hesitation, I force myself to speak.

"Avian Conner."

Oddly Erwin doesn't look surprised and merely leans forward and rests his folded hands upon his desk again.

"I see. I assumed as much. Most all conflict within the army is usually in relation to either her or Eren in some way. Unfortunately for you, it means a great deal of trouble and extra work. Having two shifters under your command is quite a strain I imagine."

I scoff.

"You speak as if you believe I can't handle my own soldiers. "

"I know better than anyone that you are more than capable of commanding them." Erwin answers, and his eyes take on a hardness to them. "However, I couldn't help but notice that the strain of missions, leading your own personal squad, as well as tending to Jaeger and Conner seem to be weighing on you, Conner especially. I still haven't forgotten the incident between you and her last December."

Silence falls again, anticipating and investigating, and I take the quiet moment to ponder over just what the hell Erwin is trying to get at.

'_Don't tell me he's thinking of removing her from my command?'_

It's stupid and pointless; where else would she go aside from Gauche? Besides, I have a hard time believing that the higher-ups would let such a thing pass. I am the strongest soldier humanity has, and I'm the only one who is skilled enough to be entrusted with taking down a berserk titan shifter if need be. Yet here he is singling Avian out and bringing up that old ass fight that doesn't even matter anymore.

'_He can't be serious.'_

I want to believe it isn't, and the majority of my mind already does, yet as I look at him his expression is completely devoid of any type of hint or inclination as to what he is thinking and a seed of doubt sits in my chest.

Without much reason, tension seizes me.

Another silence spans between us, much longer than the others in which we consider each other, two men trying to decipher the thoughts of the other in front of them. It's static, almost stifling, yet neither of us gives in. It's a wordless confrontation of composed, unreadable expression filled with soundless debate that seems to stretch on for hours though I know it only to be a short moment in time.

Heartbeats tick by, pounding lightly against my ribs, both wary and curious as to what Erwin is planning until, after heavy studying, he eventually breaks the quiet.

"The reports, have you read them yet?"

Without any other explanation I know exactly what it is he is about to address, and instinctively my face sharpens.

"Yes." I reply stiffly, half wondering as to why this is relevant to our conversation.

Erwin's own face hardens as well.

"Then you already know."

"I do." I reply curtly, frustration adding a slight growl to my words. "Those damn military pigs must have nothing better to do than sabotage our efforts, the cowardly bastards. They've done some pretty shitty stuff, but this… Darius can't be seriously considering going along with such a proposal."

Erwin's blinks, completely still.

"It seems that he is."

"That's a load of shit!"

Anger boils in me, and I sneer in such disgust that I'm surprised Erwin can stay so composed.

"We've dealt with their constant heckling and annoyingly persistent desire to discredit our efforts, but disbandment!? After all the hell we've been through trying to retake Wall Maria for their sorry asses! We retook Trost! Sealed Wall Rose! Cleared out Shiganshina and sealed the breaches! Fuck, we're about to finish taking back fucking WALL MARIA. Does none of that matter to them!?"

It is rare for me to lose my composure like this, but rage sings me so heatedly that I couldn't give a shit even if I tried. I'm aware of nothing more than the clenching in my fists, the unfailing façade of Erwin, and my own features contorting into a look of fury.

"My men did NOT die just so we can stay cooped up behind these damn walls without knowing what true freedom tastes like! How the hell are we supposed to defeat the titans if they disband the Corps and take all of our fucking funding!?"

Erwin's voice is impossibly calm, and his blue eyes are ice against my burning anger.

"It's simple, Levi. They aren't concerned about the titans."

At this his blond haired head finally shifts and he gazes down at his desk, continuing in a low, stern voice.

"There has been talk amongst Darius Zackly and others, and they've made it abundantly clear that their main concern is relocating all the Wall Maria refugees, nothing more. As you can assume, that will be a massive undertaking that will take many months, possibly years, to accomplish. As it stands right now, if such a operation is to succeed, a great sum of money as well as supplies and manpower will be needed to fuel its progress at a respectable rate. Alone, the Military Police lack both the necessary funds as well as the people needed. They've already begun collaborating with Dot Pixis on the notion of borrowing a force compromised of Garrison soldiers to help with the rebuilding and relocation aspects of the operation, and while the Garrison have plenty of soldiers to spare, for something of this scale any extra set of hands is highly valuable. With that in mind, it should come as no surprise to you that the MP will wish to commandeer as much funding and assistance as possible."

"I don't give a shit. They can mess with the Garrison as much as they want, the lazy asses don't do much of anything anyway aside from pissing off the Wall, but to go and pull something like this… When is Darius going to decide?"

"Once Maria is completely eradicated, possibly early into the new year."

'_So soon…'_

My mood darkens, and I continue to glare at my commander. Though distracted by barely suppressed frustration, I still have enough restraint to ponder over just why Erwin is bringing this up now, and I do not hesitate to voice my confusion. In response Erwin once again centers his eyes on me.

"I brought it up because your impulsive actions from yesterday, as well as future actions, will more than likely help determine Darius' decision."

Confusion must show on my face for Erwin continues without waiting for my reply.

"We are walking a tight wire, Levi. You know Nile will take anything he can use in an argument against us, this included. Inner conflict is as good of a reason for disbandment as any. Rash actions like yours will only fuel his argument that we are incapable of performing our duties adequately. In light of this, I must ask you to take the fate of the Corps into consideration before going and putting a perfectly healthy soldier into the infirmary. I believe your actions to be valid and justified given the evidence and reasoning you've told me, but despite that I have no choice but to condone them. The fate of our army, the one hope for humanity, is our most important issue right now, and at this particular time I fear your brash attitude will only do harm upon our case. I know you, Levi, and I know that you do not take this lightly, so I will abstain from assigning you a punishment in favor of giving you a verbal warning. But know… if such a thing happens again I won't hesitate to instate severe repercussions for your lack of discipline."

Erwin means the best, he always does, and he is not afraid to take whatever course of action necessary to insure the best possible chance for humanity to progress in its battle against the titans, up to and including reprimanding his own soldiers. That is one of the traits I most respect from him; his utter devotion to his purpose. Steady, unwavering, confidently pushing onward despite whatever consequence must be paid, and it is that very same devotion that fuels his words, and though I know at the heart of his lecture he is severely reprimanding me for my reckless actions regarding Tucker, I am not angered. This is Erwin Smith, the thirteenth Commander of the Recon Corps, sworn to devote and give his life for the sole goal of heading humanity's rebellion against our monstrous enemy. Every word from his mouth is fueled by nothing but that one mission, and just as he has made it his life's mission to fight with everything he has against the titans, I've made it mine as well.

"I understand." I reply simply to him, and just for a short instant I let my cold façade fall and I regard him with a calm, respectful gaze. "But just so you know… you're the only person who can keep me from wringing the neck of one of these dumbass brats."

I was being dead serious, but a slight grin crosses Erwin's face.

"I see, well I'm glad to know that you at least listen to _someone_ aside from your own pragmatic thoughts." He casually jibes, but just as quickly as it came his jesting expression disappears and he once again returns to his usual professional-esk demeanor. "Levi…"

It's odd just how quickly weight can come to his voice, and the level of hidden gravity to it catches my interest. For what seems like the hundredth time our eyes lock and he considers me for a few silent moments before completing his thought.

"… I know you are aware of just _where _your position is in this army, but I feel like I must remind you…"

At this Erwin leans forward and freezes me in place with an icy stare.

"Of all the soldiers in our disposal, as well as the Garrison and even the Military Police, YOU are the one humanity has pitted their hopes and desires on to. You are as much of a figurehead, a symbol of hope, as you are a soldier. People are always watching you, from the civilians all the way up to the royal court. We as an army have a level of reputation to maintain, an image we must uphold as best we can, and as the figurehead of our branch, such a responsibility falls as heavily upon you as it does me, and unfortunately it does not leave much room for personal freedom. In the eyes of the populace, your devotion to humanity must be unwavering and unquestionable; and actions that may threaten that image pose a huge problem for us, not only in the eyes of the MP who will use it against us, but also in the eyes of the people of whom we are fighting for. Above all else, eradicating the titans and defending humanity must be your one and only purpose. All other pursuits are merely distractions and must be pushed aside for the sake our mission."

The air is almost tangible, as thick as it is with magnitude.

"I do not know what your relationship with Conner is," he continues gravely, "but I feel that it is in danger of compromising your commitment to humanity. I do not believe it is coming toward this, but I must reiterate: Relationships between cadets and their superior officers is illicit and strictly prohibited. I implore you to take whatever course of action necessary to insure that this does not happen. If I sense that your behavior has not recovered and I believe Conner to be the cause, I will revoke your authority over her and give Gauche Kurobari full command over her welfare."

Without reason my chest contracts and a sick feeling of dread overcomes me. I have no doubt in my mind that Erwin would not hesitate to follow through with his threat, and I'm struck by the great amount of apprehension that clamps me in an iron vice.

'_I don't want to lose her.'_

It's so idiotic, so childishly stupid this desire I have, but… I just got her back. Yesterday… yesterday was the first time Avian and I had spoken in months, and that short conversation we had…

'_I just got her back. I don't want to lose her again.'_

Of course I don't. This odd attachment I feel in my deepest being begets nothing from me other than an almost unstoppable desire to keep her close. For her to go anywhere else is just out of the question. But yet…

'_Erwin is right.'_

Despite my deep desire and my resentment toward his accusation, as much as I hate it all, he speaks nothing but truth. Ever since the beginning of this year after Shiganshina, and even before then, Avian has done nothing more than distract me from my mission. After our initial fight where she called me out on my bullshit, I concerned myself with nothing else except making her life a living hell. After that, when she saved my life, my thoughts became consumed by her, noticing her every movement, my attention automatically seeking her out like she was some sort of beacon. And most recently… torturous thoughts of her with Tucker plagued me….

I hate to admit, but Erwin is dead right; Avian IS compromising my commitment, and as a soldier, as a LEADER of soldiers, that just cannot stand. NOTHING must come in between me and my mission. There must be no hesitation, no distractions, no other commitments. My life is for humanity and humanity alone. How many times has Erwin told me the reason why he never married? It's been too many to count, but each time sticks out in my mind's eye as prominent as the last.

He never married because then his concerns would change. Humanity would not be his number one concern any more. His devotion to his people would be marred by his devotion to some woman, and in this line of work where your life can be lost at any time, where your fighting strength is directly derived from the strength of your dedication, there just isn't room for a soldier to have more than one commitment.

It's either humanity or _her_, and given my station and just what I as a soldier represent, not only within our own army but to humanity as a whole… I really don't have a choice.

I can't be a soldier and love Avian at the same time. I have to choose one or the other.

But I really don't have a choice. Thanks to the title I carry, my choice has already been made for me.

'_I'm a soldier before anything else, through to my core. Humanity MUST come first.'_

Acid burns my throat but I do well to keep my expression flat as I hold Erwin's steady gaze. He waits, expecting, and before long I swallow the heat festering in me and lift my head.

"Fine." I reply to him after what feels like ages, and Erwin answers with a curt nod.

"Good. I apologize for putting you on the block like this, but it needed to be done. You've done well serving us these past few years, so it is to be expected that you might waver after such a long time, However, our lives are not our own. The moment we first bore the Wings of Freedom upon our backs we forfeited our lives in favor of an existence lived solely on the battlefield. To die willingly for the advancement of mankind is our only goal; nothing must come in the way of that. You care for your soldiers deeply, such a trait is greatly admirable, but there must be a fine line for you to keep. Personal attachment will only make their deaths more painful, so it is only best that a level of professionalism is maintained to keep yourself from becoming too close. You are a leader of soldiers, Levi, so you must act like one, do I make myself clear?"

I could be made of stone for as rigid my body is with steely resolve.

"Perfectly." I agree, my gaze naturally hardening in response to this new resolution. "You almost insult me. You really think I would let something as meaningless as attachment distract me? You must be getting senile in your old age if you believe that."

Erwin makes no move, irritatingly composed.

"It's just a formality, nothing more." He assures, hands still resting together upon his desk. "But if there is nothing else of which you wish to discuss, then you are dismissed."

I opt to not reply and simply rise from my chair, give him a courteous nod, and exit. His office door clicks with an echo within a hollow hallway, my steps following suit, and as I quietly make my way from the top floor down to where my own office waits, my insides feel just as empty as the building around me.

I don't know how I feel exactly; I knew it would come to this, yet being called aside by Erwin of all people caught me slightly off guard and despite myself my mind ponders over our conversation.

I hate every bit of it. All he did was waste my time telling me what I already know.

But above the irritation that itches my insides, another more prominent sensation occupies me, feeling more like a cold, heavy weight sitting somewhere in my ribs than an actual, living emotion. It is the weight that bothers me the most.

'_How bothersome.' _I muse, scowling at nothing as I begin making my way down stone stairs to the third floor of the Recon Office building toward my office. _'These damn emotions annoy the hell out of me. I feel like some shitty brat that just got scolded by his mother.'_

But in reality, didn't I need that scolding? Isn't Erwin justified in his suspicion of me? I loathe to admit, but I'm slipping. For years serving him and fighting for humanity have been my only goals, my only purpose , but somehow my determined devotion has shifted and I've no one to blame but myself.

In my mind's eye a glowing amber sky comes into view, clouds nothing but golden wisps on the wind, and from my peripheral a very familiar body sits with her knees drawn up to her chest. Automatically tightness closes around my ribs, and I'm stuck just looking at her. What the hell is wrong with me? Avian is just another woman, just another soldier within an entire army. There are thousands of others just like her, none of which have even come close to attracting my attention. If anything, the women who hound at my feet with sparkling eyes and gaping mouths are fucking annoying and deserve to be stabbed in the chest for their blind admiration. They don't even know me, and I know very well that if any of them ever knew me, TRULY knew me, they'd hate my guts, which is perfectly fine by me. I couldn't give a shit. They're just nameless people to me, just another face in the crowd. Avian is no different.

Except that she is, and it pisses me off.

She is so unlike all those nameless admirers who idolize Humanity's Strongest out of pure faith and nothing more. She is unlike soldiers within the Corps who at one time looked up to me but then were put off by my cold nature and began to keep their distance. She is unlike those such as Hanji and Petra who, despite my pissy demeanor, have come to understand me in a way and still respect my authority and orders.

For the longest time, those two were the closest anyone had come to seeing who I really am beneath the stony mask I must wear for the sake of the army. They've seen me both on and off the battlefield, both calm and enraged, both content and annoyed, yet despite their best efforts neither of them were able to fully work around the wall I had built around my damaged soul. They have only seen the sides of me that I didn't mind showing.

With Avian… she's different.

Somehow she's managed to see me in ways that no other has. No one aside from her has seen me break down like she has, has seen me at my most sadistic. The rage after finding out there was nothing in Shiganshina, and the cruelty that so easily came out of me when punishing Tucker for what he did, none of it has been seen by anyone until then. She's seen my wrath, my brutality, yet none of it fazed her like it should have. Others would have looked away, or been disgusted or off put, but not her. She… just sees _me; _not the former thug turned soldier that Hanji sees, not the esteemed 'leader of the soldiers' that Petra knows, not the cold-hearted Corporal cadets quiver underneath. With Avian, she doesn't see what others see, she doesn't understand the emotional wall that I spent years building up because, to her, there was no wall to begin with.

Why would there be? All she's ever known is family. She grew up with only her parents and brothers for company, maturing to love and treat them as any family member would without exposure to anyone else outside of that family. She never knew strangers, never knew relatives or friends or comrades, just family. So it should only be expected, when the time finally came to where she met people outside of the four she'd known all her life, for her to regard them the only way she knew how. To her social class, economical status, political standing, leadership ranking… none of that exists. She just sees people without noticing any of the unspoken clicks, groups and factions that society places upon individuals.

Perhaps that is why she affects me so. She's the only one who knows me outside of all these things. Soldiers know me because I lead them, and villagers know me because of the title I carry. Every person inside these damn walls knows about me, knows that I'm a leader, the strongest soldier humanity has probably ever known, and thus have already made assumptions about me based solely upon those trivial things.

That's why people are always disappointed when they DO get to know me. All they've ever heard are these exaggerated stories about a fearless man who counts for an entire legion of soldiers just by himself, and so when the time finally comes and we meet face to face, their heart falls because I'm not the heroic, gallant idol they expected.

But not her. Avian never knew me when we first met, never knew of the title I carry, of the reputation I have. When we met, I was just a stranger, nothing more. Her vision about me was unmarred by predetermined assumptions, allowing her the rare opportunity to know me as a simple man before knowing me as a soldier.

And from what I can tell, a man is all that she's ever seen when she looks at me. She makes it clear all the time that she doesn't understand nor care about the chain of command, regarding everyone on the same level as herself. She never acts superior to younger, new cadets, and doesn't kiss ass or stiffen up around her own superiors such as myself. To her, people are just people… even me.

To her I'm not 'Humanity's Strongest', I'm not Lance Corporal of the Recon Corps, I'm not Captain of the Special Operations Squad, I'm just Levi. Though she was forced to call me by my title her entire service thus far, she's never looked at me as _just_ her Corporal. She never acts differently around me than she does with others, she never holds back her tongue just because I'm her superior. She has complete disregard for military protocol, and somewhere deep, deep inside… I'm thankful for it.

But it has to stop.

That sort of independence, that sort of… _audacity, _has no place here. This is the military, a home for fighters, soldiers, warriors. None who serve here should accept anything less than absolute perfection, nothing less than complete discipline, and that Conner… She is the worst of all.

She places no value on the protocol Erwin expects us to upkeep. Her behavior is completely unacceptable, acting more like a hapless citizen than a proud soldier for humanity. None of us are here to make friends. We are here to train, to fight, to die, not get all buddy-buddy with our comrades who can be killed in an instant. It benefits no one, getting that attached to those around you. Conner is a naïve dumbass for doing so.

'_Idiot.' _

I can almost hear the displeased sneer emanating from my thoughts, and since there is no one else around as I make my way alone down a stony corridor, I harden my gaze at the path ahead in earnest.

'_Stupid. She is utterly, fucking stupid. She KNOWS that she doesn't behave up to protocol, and she KNOWS that building personal relationships is foolhardy and useless, yet she does it anyway! All of the 104__th__ cadets are guilty of such weakness, but SHE is by far the worst offender. At least her PEERS know how to function and act around their commanding officers and shut the fuck up. But not Conner, oh nooooo…. She's the fucking 'special' one. Not only does she not uphold correct demeanor while addressing my subordinates, who are also her superiors in both length of service as well as experience, but she refuses to acknowledge ME and MY rank.'_

With each word, Erwin's lecture sinks in further and indignation grows.

'_The shitty brat, how dare she have the balls to speak to me as if we're friends or some dumb bullshit like that. I've been too lax, too concerned with other distractions, and now I'm paying the price for it. I've allowed her to enter and leave my presence without giving me proper salute as every soldier should do, allowed her to assist me with confidential paperwork, allowed her to engage me in meaningless conversation. I've let her, a mere cadet, tend to my wounds instead of letting a properly trained medic assist me. I've let her publicly ridicule me in front of the whole damn legion. I've let her see me break down in a fit of uncontrollable rage that is utterly out of line with the image I must uphold, TWICE. I've even given her permission to use my fucking name! What the hell is wrong with me?'_

Sneering further, I growl and run a hand through my hair in an act of useless frustration.

"I've fucking lost my damn mind…" I mutter. "I don't know what the hell has happened to me. And it's bad enough that even Erwin noticed it."

I'm losing it, and I fucking hate it. I've NEVER been like this, felt like this, it's driving me insane, and deep in my mind I know that it's Conner to blame.

'_This has to end. NOW.' _I resolve. _'Whatever the hell has formed between that cadet and I needs to stop. I've let it get way out of hand, I've delved to deep. I can't let it go on. Nothing must get in the way of my mission. NOTHING.'_

Echoing steps accompany me on my determined trek, and with each step my mind is more made up.

"No more." I state to myself as an unassuming wooden door, just like all the rest, comes into view. "I've got more important shit to do than waste my time doting some useless recruit."

I feel and say nothing more when I finally arrive, though for a quick, heartbeat of a moment when my hand touches the door knob, I hesitate. It's so fast, that moment of abrupt indecision that I almost don't notice it, but I pay it no mind. Instead I draw my hand once more through my bangs, to comb through them and push them back into place more than anything, and with a slight, inaudible sigh, I enter the room and shut the door.

"Good morning, Levi!"

Instinctively my head snaps right, toward the unexpected noise, and when my gaze locks onto the source of the greeting it takes me a good second to register who it is.

I'm not startled, or even caught off guard really, but I can't help but glance with mild interest at the pair of blue eyes staring at me from in between two dangling locks of ginger bangs. Before I can move Avian, clothed in full uniform aside from the white kerchief tying her hair into place, breaks her smile just long enough to speak.

"I know tis early," she begins from where she stands atop a stool beside one of my bookcases, duster still in hand, "and I'm aware that you do not allow soldiers into your study without consent, but I wished to make known my appreciation for what you did yesterday, and to begin to atone for my absence these past months."

I know I need to speak, but for some strange reason my mouth is silent. A curious… _something_… holds me fast, unwavering with hardened gaze and set jaw, yet even with that solid tenacity I fail in forcing myself to reply. In the quiet that follows, and in what I can only assume to be acute self-consciousness, Avian focuses her eyes to the floor, hand playing with the wooden pendant about her neck, and continues.

"I came by earlier this morning, just after dawn, but you were absent." She explains. "I was fine with waiting for your return, but Hanji, who must have spent all night in her own office working, heard me outside and, when I informed her that I wished to clean your office in appreciation, she let me inside. I apologize if that displeases you, but I swear to you that I have not compromised any of your paperwork or legal documents. All I have done is dust, and since I know that dusting pushes filth onto the floor, I shall sweep and mop in here as well, and I'll polish your furnishings if you wish it. I understand very well the level of cleanliness you rigorously upkeep, so I've done my best to tidy just the way you like it."

The last of Avian's explanation comes out in a rush, and I can tell by the tone of her voice that a part of her expects a reprimand. She's right in knowing that I absolutely loath others roaming my quarters without expressed permission, and it's completely understandable for her to expect a harsh scolding on my part for going against my wishes, even if her actions are well mannered, but just as it is with my voice, my typical irritation just doesn't come.

It's funny; there are so many things that get on my nerves, that can set me off in a split second and have me curse lower ranked soldiers into the ground with shame and fear, yet for some unexplainable reason I just don't get that way with Avian. Not anymore at least. It's stupid and ridiculous, the fact that there are certain things that she can get away with that other soldiers normally wouldn't even dare to do. I know I should be fuming at her for blatantly disregarding my privacy, I mean what the actual fuck…. A mere _cadet _rifling through a _commanding officer's _study without permission, that should be grounds for severe punishment: a hundred laps around the training grounds, PLUS revoked dinner and leisure time privileges at the very least. But when I look at her, her fingers fumbling with her necklace out of nervous habit, her ginger head bowed in expectance of strict backlash, I feel…. at ease.

I'm not mad. I'm not even irritated. Though my steely gaze is narrowed as it always is and my features are set, there is not an ounce of anger to be found in me. More than anything, I'm intrigued at the fact that this woman bothered to get up at dawn and set aside her own personal errands just to do me a favor in appreciation for something that wasn't even that big of a deal in the first place.

It's confusing, this befuddling emotion inside me, still foreign to me even after all this time. Despite that, however, I know that I need to do something, I need to rebuke her. This kind of behavior should not be tolerated. This is exactly the kind of thing that needs to stop, this leisure she has around me as if we're anything more than corporal and soldier. It's disrespectful, unprofessional, and completely out of bounds from how a normal, _properly disciplined _cadet should behave.

Firm resolve hardens my core, determination to forcibly return things to the way they SHOULD have been, should have ALWAYS been, and my voice cuts the air like a knife.

"Conner."

My order is firm and grim, and I'm fully set on ending this foolishness once and for all, but when Avian lifts her eyes and her gaze lands upon mine, all that inner strength and purpose I once had just seems to wither away.

'_Fuck me!' _

My curse rings loud and clear in my mind, a sharp rebuke to my own weakness, but no matter how hard I try with her staring at me, waiting, my scold gets caught in my throat. I don't understand, I know what I need to do, I know what I need to say, yet I can't seem to bring myself to act upon it. She shouldn't be here, I don't give a damn if Hanji knew and let her in, this is not acceptable! We _aren't _friends! She needs to stop acting as if there is something else to be had between us!

But there is, of course there is; I'm just too weak to fight it. I know what I need to do, I had it in my mind not but a moment before. Yet when I look at her, short despite standing on a stool with hair held back in a clean kerchief that I know automatically to be one of my own, it's as if the talk I had with Erwin not but a moment before never even happened. Honestly, I don't mind that she entered my office without permission, that she borrowed one of my kerchiefs so she could clean without getting her beautiful hair dirty. All in all, I don't mind the fact that she treats me like she does everyone else, like a regular person. She's the first one to really do so, more than Petra and even Hanji. A certain level of distance, of mandated professionalism grown from years of fighting side by side exists between those two and I, but with Avian… with her… that distance was never there to begin with… not in her eyes.

My mind is full of wandering musings so unlike me, yet I do not fight them. Instead of feeling irritation, my chest tightens just the slightest amount and my eyes seem to want to memorize her face; round and spotted with freckles in a way that makes her look like a child though her eyes claim otherwise, and overflowing with a depth of character that I'm sure I've only just begun to scratch the surface.

Offhandedly, I can't help but notice the way her bangs frame her face and how her kerchief adds a strange bit of charm that I can neither comprehend nor explain.

'_It's almost… cute.'_

Instantly heat rises inside me and I grimace at my sudden thought.

'_What the hell am I thinking!? I'm supposed to be here disciplining her, not appreciating her features like some damned, starry eyed kid! Pull yourself together!'_

I try to collect myself as best I can, but the damage has already been done, and my conviction from earlier is completely shot. Instead of calm confidence I'm now just a standing beacon of colliding desires and conflicting emotions that's confusing and infuriating at the same time.

I swear my emotionless expression hasn't changed, but something in my eyes must betray me for Avian frowns slightly and focuses on me in question.

"Levi?" her voice asks softly, investigating with a hint of concern.

I can't, I just can't, not any more. My entire being is flustered, and her saying my name that way doesn't help either. I'm just not myself today, that's all. I'll hold off and speak to her about her behavior another time when I'm feeling less shitty.

Mind made up, I force myself to divert my eyes from hers and determinedly hide my agitation behind a wall of livid irritation.

"You've cleaned your best you say?" I growl, giving my attention to the bookcase behind Avian which she was in the middle of wiping down.

Before she can answer I stalk over, careful to neither look nor touch her, and I draw a single finger across one of the shelves. Upon inspection, and as I have come to expect, it's completely spotless. I can feel Avian's eyes upon me but I do my best to ignore them and I turn my back to her.

"I want this entire room completely sanitized." I order flatly, making a beeline to my desk a few paces away. "You've neglected your chores for too damn long, and I expect you to make up for it all, and then some. Dust, sweep, mop, and polish every single surface in here. If this place isn't clean enough by the end of the day to where I can use the floor as a mirror if I damn well please, I'll revoke your dinner privileges _and _make you shovel the snow off every cobblestone walkway in the Corps in nothing but your undergarments and a toboggan, do I make myself clear?"

I could not be more serious in my threat, any more chilling with my voice, but the bright presence behind me doesn't falter.

"Yes, sir!" she calls out behind me, and I don't need to look at her to know of the determination that must show on her face, for I can hear it in her voice. "I'll do my very best with whatever you wish for me to do, I owe you that much at least."

I fight it the entire way to my desk, I even try to zone her out entirely, but the urge I have to respond to her is too strong. Stiff necked, I pause with my fingers draped over hard wood and cast her the sparest of glances over my shoulder, but even that small look is enough cause my chest to start thudding harder than usual.

"I know I messed up before," Avian continues calmly, her lighthearted expression from before now replaced by one of dire gravity, " but know well that it shall never happen again. There are no words that I can conjure that will ever properly conjugate just how grateful I am for you, for what you do. How you continue to tolerate my repeated failures is beyond my understanding, however, I assure you that I'll never forget all that you have done for me."

All I can do is stare at her, listening in hidden wonder to her emboldened words.

"I still remember the oath I made to you all that time ago." She tells me, and her eyes are small pits of blue flame for as intensely they are burning. "I apologize for not upholding it to the degree that I said I would, but no more shall I squander it. I WILL give everything my all, and I WILL repay you for all that you have done."

Her small voice rings in the stony confines of the room about us until it slowly dissipates into nothing. Her meaning and conviction could not be more clear to me, and for a long, tense moment, her words mute us both.

I had totally forgotten about that time, about her making that promise to me when she was nothing but an unrehearsed new recruit. Thinking back upon it, it's strange to see just how far she's come in such a short amount of time. Under normal circumstances soldiers train for three years before being sent off to duty, but in her case it was less than one third of that time. Yet, even with such limited training, she's come much farther than I think anyone ever expected: a soldier who has dedicated her life to saving the lives of her comrades. Even after all she has seen, even after the death of Roda, one of her own squad members, she still finds it in herself to renew her dedication and strive onward. Her loyalty to humanity has not wavered in the slightest.

And to me…

I don't know how I went about my business so easily before, how little her open devotion affected me. It was the same oath I've heard before from others, nothing special about it, but now, hearing it again in her voice, it pulls something. The scene isn't any different from the one back then, with only the two of us, and Avian herself certainly hasn't changed a bit. But there is a difference, only one, key anomaly from before: me.

Avian might not have changed, but somehow, somewhere in the months since then, _I_ have. I can feel it deep within my being, that sort of tightening warmth like an odd type of energy resonating inside. When she first said that she would dedicate her life to me, to be the best soldier she could, I somehow waved it off, but not this time.

This time her words reach farther than just my ears, down through me so deep they lodge themselves into the center of my chest. For as small and weak as she is, there is a certain kind of strength to her, one that isn't physical, but of spirit, and to see her so adamant toward _me_, so focused on _me_ and _me_ alone…

I soak it up, and greedily wish to keep it all for myself.

'_Damn it, there I go again! Shit is ridiculous…'_

My mind is so easily distracted by her now, and it's all I can do to turn away with a scowl and take a heavy seat in my chair.

"Start repaying me by shutting up and getting back to cleaning like you were doing." I order, masking myself once again under a veil of irritation. "I've got work to do, and I won't stand to do it while surrounded by filth. Only AFTER you properly do this will we talk."

From the corner of my eye Avian nods, and for a moment I almost swear I see a shadow of a smirk play across her lips.

"Yes, sir!" she answers with a salute, eyes shining bright, and then quick as a flash she returns to her task blissfully unaware that I still watch her in silence.

How is she capable of doing that? Returning to her old routine so quickly after so many months as if nothing ever happened? Perhaps that is her way of putting the past behind her, of moving on. She always was one to avoid conflict as much as possible after all.

Watching her it's like everything is normal, but it's not. Just a few steps away she remains on her stool, straining on the tips of her toes to reach the farthest back region of my bookcase, a scene so familiar that I should long be accustomed to it, yet here I am festering at my desk under a blanket of unwarranted emotion and conflicting desires that makes it feel as if I'm sitting on hot coals.

I'm torn between letting things go about as they are, having us return to how we used to be, and what I know that Erwin and the entire legion of the Recon Corps demands that I do.

It's an awful, agonizing sensation that I wish would stop. Dealing with this problem shouldn't be as difficult as it feels. It's simple: the Corps and my dedication to humanity must come first. It's so easy to say that in my mind, to ponder it, but somewhere along the line between my brain thinking it and my body actually fulfilling the idea the conviction gets lost. Though I wish them too, my limbs don't move like I want, and the words I know I need to say get caught in my throat and replaced by others that have no relevance to the situation in the first place. This uncertain, hesitating difficulty is so unlike me, and it pisses me off.

'_Just let it be for now.' _I chide myself, and it takes every ounce of strength I have to draw my eyes away from the miniature ginger fussing about my furnishings. _'No point in wasting my time with such a shitty situation. Just concentrate on getting through these inventory reports. I'll deal with the brat later.'_

And so the request Erwin gave me slips to the back of my mind, a festering irritation yearning to be resolved, but I'm too unwilling to do so. So, just for today, I put it off.

And put it off.

And put it off.

And put it off.

xXx

Time slips like silk between my fingers; unwavering and tangible when I have a firm clasp upon it, but the moment my grip loosens, even just a miniscule amount, the fabric of it glides coolly through my hands in such a soft, swift motion that I don't even notice it slipping until it's already out of my grasp.

What was supposed to be a single day of buffer turns into two.

Then that two turns into four.

And the four into ten.

Has time always moved this quickly? It feels as if only a day or two has passed since Erwin and I talked, yet somehow a new month has crept upon me, a chilling December, and steadily the days have been eaten away.

It's quiet, dark, and for once I'm glad for the emptiness in my study. The morning is young, the sky still dark with only a thin trickle of dawn peeking over the horizon, and in this calm morning I take advantage on the placid atmosphere and just soak up the silence. The burning fireplace is the only light I have, giving the room a mellow glow just bright enough to see by. Leaning back in my chair, still exhausted from the work I had to stay up to complete only a few hours before, I watch the flames as they dance.

I don't know how I feel today, fatigued mostly, but aside from that… I have no idea. For now, I'm just… here, about to go through another day without really realizing that it is passing.

Without moving I flick my eyes to the small calendar I have on my desk.

December 21st.

It's been weeks now.

And I still haven't told her.

'_What is my problem…'_

It shouldn't be this hard, it ISN'T hard, yet the difficulty of going through with what I know I need to do is almost stifling. Just what the hell is the big deal? It's not like this is some major, revolutionary ass decision or something. It's as simple as putting my foot down and demanding that idiotic, frustrating woman to stop all her disrespectful, overly friendly bullshit. What irritates me most is that she KNOWS the protocol here, she KNOWS how she is expected to act toward her superiors, she just refuses to listen.

'_Perhaps a sound beating is in order. Nothing like agonizing pain to get some proper discipline through her damn skull.'_

Even to my own ears my threat sounds flat, and a sudden bout of ache pierces my head. Closing my eyes to try and relieve some of the stress induced pain, I lean back even farther into my chair and concentrate on the crackling sound of the fire.

Our string of missions for the year might have ended a few days ago, but the strain of keeping up with work is still the same. In fact, now that inner Wall Maria has officially been declared clear, paperwork regarding the relocation of the thousands of refugees will begin pouring in and is likely to span over many, many months. Even with the Military Police's help, this operation is going to be a major pain in the ass, and for officers like Hanji, Erwin, and I, there is no relief in sight.

"Fuck."

I know I should go ahead and get my day started already, but having only two hours of sleep after slaving over parchment until 2 a.m., though I'm very well used to such a shitty routine, I just don't feel like giving a damn. My eyes hurt more than usual, exhaustion tugs at my frame, and all of this topped off with strain during the end of the year has all but taken most everything I have. In short, I've run out of fucks to give.

So instead of forcing myself to work I take this rare opportunity to enjoy this brief moment of peace and fall into a half daze of much needed rest.

xXx

All too soon bright sunlight streaming gold bars through my window wakes me, and it takes me a difficult moment to pull myself up and get my mind back into gear. Dawn is in full swing now, the sky full blue and droves of winter birds singing their morning songs just outside the wall. Sighing awake, I busy myself with rebuilding the now dwindled fire, helping it grow into a large, roaring flame in anticipation of whom I know to be coming by very soon, before once again taking a seat behind my desk and grudgingly start shuffling through documents and putting ink to paper.

At around 7 a.m. half my mind automatically points itself toward my office door, already waiting out of established habit and, just as I've come to expect after the past several weeks of the same routine, the soft sound of footsteps come to my ears.

'_Pause.'_

In my mind I can't help but reiterate the cycle of habit that I've come to memorize, and just as I know her to do, the soft steps pause just outside my door, a second or so of silence for whatever reason she may have, before making a single, solid knock.

"Enter."

I keep my eyes carefully focused on the papers beneath my hands as she enters and closes the door.

'_Greeting.'_

"Good morning, Levi." Avian states, always so calm even this early in the day, and begins removing the two sizes too big, navy jacket wrapped about her small form. "Before you ask, yes I shook off every last flake of snow before entering. I know how much you abhor it being tracked in."

I do not answer directly, instead making a simple grunt to let her know that I heard, and I keep my focus upon my desk as she walks over and pulls her own chair into place opposite mine. Naturally she moves as close to the fire as possible, because even with her multiple layers of long sleeved shirts and jackets the brat still manages to freeze half to death.

Despite the dreary weather that never fails to keep her bundled up in a cocoon of fabric, Avian is chipper and her face is bright when she once again centers her eyes upon me. Without even trying, my mind's voice mimics hers exactly.

'_So, what would you like for me to do for you today?' _

"So, what would you like for me to do for you today?" she asks, the same phrase she has said every morning for the past several weeks, and to which I can copy effortlessly.

It's the same ritual every day, though I don't recall when I first started imitating her. She's such a creature of habit, and though I've tried my damn hardest, I've unintentionally come to recognize her routine.

"Levi?"

At my name, I grudgingly raise my eyes to see hers watching me expectantly.

"What."

My voice comes out harsher than expected, but it seems that my tone has long since lost its effect on her ears for Avian ignores it completely and continues on, my mind following along with her.

'_Now she'll tilt her head slightly and push her bangs behind her ear.'_

"I was just inquiring what it is you wished for me to do today." She answers, pushing her hair back with her fingers just as I knew she would. "Do you still have statistic reports that need to be organized?"

"No."

"What of the new trainee rooming arrangements?"

"No." I repeat, narrowing my aching eyes in annoyance before forcing them back to my work. "All that damn personnel shit was done yesterday."

I have no idea why I'm being so irritable today. I mean, I'm fully aware that I'm pretty much an ass, and I guess the extra stress from closing up the year is a factor as well, but this is pretty ridiculous. It usually takes a few hours at least before I really start to get short tempered.

And from the way I see Avian's gaze slim slightly from the corner of my eye, she's noticed too.

A handful of seconds pass by in silence where I stare at my desk and she stares at me, the woman still standing with chair dragged behind her. After those silent seconds, she speaks.

"What ails you?"

Her voice is genuine, but a force keeps me from answering her. In all honesty I know _exactly _what my problem is, but for some reason I can't bring myself to admit that it's _her _that is bothering me the most. Erwin's order still sits in the back of my mind, and though I know stress and lack of sleep isn't helping, it is mainly frustration with myself concerning this shitty woman that has me most frustrated.

I can feel her watching me, doing that strange, uncomfortable thing with her eyes that feels like she's trying to investigate me to find out what it is just under the skin that bothers me. It's unnerving, feeling her gaze try to pierce me to see deeper within, but I hold my ground and refuse to budge under her scrutiny.

Another silence filled pause, then she speaks again.

"Have you had your morning drink yet?"

I naturally frown in response.

"Does it look like I have a cup on my desk?" I retort hotly, both bothered and unbothered by my sharpness.

In my peripheral I watch her lips purse just slightly, a subtle quirk she only does when she wishes to say something but doesn't, and instead of returning my harsh words, she straightens.

"I'll fetch you something then."

She stalks over to the cupboard in the corner of the room to retrieve the tea kettle and cups that lay within, then without another word, she leaves. The moment she is gone a weight I never knew was upon me lifts, and the ghost of a sigh slips through my lips.

'_I can hardly function around her anymore.'_

It's so strange. I noticed this change in atmosphere almost immediately following Avian returning to assisting me in the morning. On the one hand I'm glad to have her back, not only for her help but also because I missed her presence in general. She was gone for so long when she was with James that to have her back is borderline surreal. I'm thankful for it, thirsty for it even, yet at the same time I absolutely hate it.

The tightness and heat in my chest is worse than it's ever been, and now that I have her back… I've no real idea what to do from here.

Since that day on Wall Rose she's been by my side almost constantly. Outside of personal errands and the last few missions we had to partake in before the end of our campaign, almost everywhere I went she followed. Whether it was making my nightly rounds, delivering reports to Erwin, eating supper in the mess hall… she was always there.

I'm unaccustomed to the constant company, of having someone else there to make comments to or help with trivial tasks. I'm so used to doing everything on my own that I almost wish she'd just go away and leave me be.

Almost.

But the truth is, is that I don't think I can stand having her away from me like that ever again. Those six months she spent with James felt like a restrained hell, the fact that she was so close and yet so far away was torturous. But not anymore. She must have decided in her mind to make up for lost time, and though I know it to be wrong, to be completely against Erwin's wishes, I crave the personal time we have now. It makes me feel strange and tense, having her around, yet I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.

Even now as exhausted and tempered as I am, I wait in patient silence for her to return, if only so I can just watch her and hear her voice.

She's gone a lot longer than I expected, but after about twenty minutes footsteps sound near my door and Avian finally comes back. With practiced ease she carefully sets the tray carrying my personal tea set upon my desk before sliding a simple cream cup toward my hand.

I greedily take of it without giving her spoken thanks and I raise it to my lips, but just before taking a sip I pause. Pulling it away from my face I stare at the warm liquid, noting it's odd color and, when I take a tentative sniff, a strange scent greets me.

"This isn't your normal tea."

"It's ginseng." Avian calmly replies, placing her own cup in front of herself before taking a seat. "It helps with stress."

My gaze hardens on her slightly.

"Who said anything about stress." I state flatly, piercing cool gray into blue.

To my surprise, however, the ginger doesn't wilt under my stare. Instead she matches my gaze with her own, battling ice with calm, and once again I can feel the tingle of her azure orbs seeing past my flesh to investigate the hidden meaning inside.

"You are not as talented with hiding your emotions as you believe yourself to be."

Her voice is so mellow, so soft, yet I feel it twitch something inside of me. I say nothing to her, both of us holding each other's gaze and I'm put off by the amount of understanding I find in hers. She has to be lying. I've spent my whole life perfecting the art of keeping my true motives and emotions hidden behind a mask of cruel indifference, there is no way in hell she can be able to read me so easily. Yet when I stare at her I know that she doesn't lie, and I also know that, somehow, someway, she can see straight through me, for I can feel her piercing into my being far deeper than anyone ever should.

I feel the need to say something to break the silence, but before I can she casts her eyes to the cup in my hands and gives it a small nod.

"Drink." She urges softly before looking back up at me. "It'll help."

At that she finally breaks her eyes away from me for good and takes a small sip from her own steaming brew. For a moment I just watch her, intrigued by her act. There isn't many people who go out of their way to help me, they're usually too afraid I'll bite their heads off if they do, so this act as small as it is catches my attention.

"I didn't ask for this." I speak up, still refusing to enjoy this tonic she made just for me, and Avian shrugs in answer without looking up.

"You don't have to."

I can't seem to take my eyes off her; they are glued to her shimmering hair and glowing face as she focuses on her hands, seemingly completely unaware that I'm still watching her. I don't really know what I'm waiting on, maybe for her to look up and just say she's kidding before she snatches back her gift because I've been snippy this morning. Perhaps I'm expecting her to make a comment about my foul mood, or how I never verbally thank her for anything, but… she never does.

Long seconds tick by with me just waiting for her to do _something, _but with each passing moment I'm met with nothing but quiet acceptance on her part. She just isn't bothered by my cold demeanor anymore as if she knows there's more to my quick temper and sharp remarks than what I let on.

'_Damn woman.'_

When it becomes overwhelmingly apparent that I'll get nothing more from her I relent my gaze and, after staring at the drink in my hands one more time, take a sip.

'_I'll give her this; she can't make coffee worth shit, but tea…'_

I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore, Avian's teas are always delicious, and this one is no exception. Even after a few sips of warmth, a feeling of which I relish highly, I can already feel the ginsang or whatever it's called working it's wonder. Heat and energy seem to revitalize my body almost instantly, and the pain in my eyes is already easing away.

'_She sure knows her herbs.' _I muse quietly, and I'm thankful for the wave of relaxation that pulls at me.

In the silence of the room and the warmth emanating from the fire a few feet away, a feeling of contentment fills the air. Even with no words spoken I find myself enjoying this time immensely, just sitting and drinking tea with Avian. It's calming, and from the relaxed appearance of her freckled features it looks as if she is enjoying this as much as I am.

A content breath escapes me when I glance at her, and that familiar hint of tightness plays in my chest.

'_Thank you.' _I manage to think toward her, soaking up the sight of her illuminated by fire light and early morning glow.

Overcome with content I close my eyes for only a moment as I raise my cup to my lips again, but just as it reaches its destination a loud set of feet stop by my door, and in a quick snap my office door slams against the wall.

"GOOOOOD MOOOOOOORNING GRUMPY FACE!"

It takes every ounce of discipline and self control I have to keep from spilling tea all over myself.

"HOWS IT GOING!?" Hanji yells with exuding energy as always, completely covered in a layer of snow, and at her voice every last bit of peace I was just enjoying evaporates in a single, enraged heartbeat.

"Get the fuck out of my office." I spit, instantly more pissed off than I was before.

"Oh don't be like that! It's a beautiful day! It's sad, not even something as beautiful as a crisp winters day can wipe that scowl off your face." The lunatic laughs through a huge grin, eyes glittering at me before they slide to the person sitting in front of me.

At least I was able to control my body when that fucking idiot nearly broke down my door bursting in like she owns the damn place. Unfortunately Avian was not so lucky, a large, wet tea stain now decorating the front of a second jacket, but before she can even begin to clean it up Hanji rushes over and grabs her from behind in a bone crushing, snowflake slinging, hug .

"AVI! I totally forgot you're back to helping short-ass again!" she sings, and from the look on Avian's face she has no idea how to respond to this new energy now grasping her small body. "This is just great! Maybe you can get the guy to actually start enjoying himself a little bit, what with your adorable personality and all, haha!"

"Th…. Thank… you?" the ginger mutters in reply, face kind of squished.

I don't know what the hell that idiot is talking about, but my heated glare never leaves Hanji's face.

"Did you hear what I just said, shitty glasses." I snarl again, finally gaining the woman's attention. "I said get the fuck out."

To my great aggravation Hanji merely smiles back.

"Oh, don't be like that! You know you love my company!"

"I don't know what kind of delusional world you live in to believe that, but do me a favor and stay there so you can leave me the fuck alone."

At my threat Hanji just laughs.

"Temper, temper! You're more irritable than usual." She comments slyly, still clutching poor Avian in her arms, but just as suddenly as she grabbed her, Hanji lets go and slams her hands onto my desk with a loud slap. "But Levi, seriously, the reason I'm here is because I need a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE favor from you! Can you…"

"No."

My interruption is swift, and for a moment Hanji just stares at my glare before making an awful pouting face.

"You don't even know what I'm going to ask!"

"I don't give a shit." I spout back, determined to cut her in half with my gaze alone. "Whatever the hell it is, the answer is no."

"But I NEEEEEEEEEEEED you to do it for me! I'm too busy to do it myself!" Hanji whines back.

"Tough shit. You aren't the only one who's got work up to their damn necks, four eyes."

"Then you should be fine! You're neck is closer to the ground than mine is, I mean you ARE only like five foot…"

"OUT."

My patience is swiftly running dry, yet even with threats and me glaring daggers at her the retarded woman refuses to listen.

"JUST HEAR ME OUT." Hanji raises her voice in return and leans forward over poor Avian, causing the small woman to lean back and cradle her cup defensively lest Hanji's body knock the rest of its contents out. "I'M SO CLOSE TO MAKING A BREAKTHROUGH IN UNDERSTANDING THE REGERNATION RATE OF THE FIRST EPIDERMAL LAYER ON TITANS THAT I CAN'T SLEEP OR STOP FOR ANYTHING!"

"I can tell." I sneer in retort as I wrinkle my nose and lean back away from her. "When was the last time you bathed? Because you smell like a mix of crazy and a hundred carts worth of horse shit."

Though it was completely rhetorical Hanji still lifts her finger to her face in thought and replies, "Eight days ago, though it wasn't even a real shower…"

"I was being rhetorical dipshit." I heatedly stop her. " And the answer is still NO."

"Awww come OOOOOOOOOOOON!"

At this Hanji leans back and pulls at her hair in frustration, throwing even more snowflakes everywhere and leaving me to continue to glare at her and Avian to watch in wide eyed silence.

"It's just a few errands and things I need for my experiments! They'll even take you by that mop store you love!"

"For the last time, NO."

"Could you please!?" she begs, an odd glimmer appearing in her eyes before she continues, "PLEASE NOT NEVER GO AND DON'T NOT STOP TO NOT NEVER PICK UP A FEW THINGS FOR ME THAT WON'T TOTALLY TAKE ALL DAY, PLEEEEEEEEASE!?"

A second passes.

Then two.

Then five.

Then ten.

My glare sharpens.

"What the actual fuck…."

As if my response was the trigger, Hanij lets out a huge whoop and suddenly beams down at me.

"OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! YOU _CAN_ BE MORE THAN JUST AN ASSHOLE SOMETIMES! HERE'S THE LIST! I DON'T CARE HOW FAST YOU GET THEM, JUST DON'T FORGET! AHHHHHH YOU'RE THE BEST!"

"HANJI…..!"

I move to try and snatch her by her clothing but the damn maniac moves to quick. All I grasp is air and a flake or two, the woman sliding away whilst throwing a folded up slip of paper onto my desk, and then in the next moment she is at my door.

"I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU!" she cries, maniacal grin splitting her face in half. "And I'm sorry about your jacket Avi, I just couldn't' help myself! TOOOOODDLES!"

Before either Avian or I can register what the hell just happened, the scientist gives us an energetic wave goodbye, door slams shut, and just like that she is gone.

Even after she is gone from my sight frustration still boils in me, and with great disgust I slide my eyes down to my now puddle-riddled floor.

'_I'll wring her pathetic, titan obsessed neck.' _I wish darkly, glaring at the offending liquid so harshly that I'm surprised the floor doesn't burst into flames, and my voice is gravely with anger when I speak next.

"Avian…"

"Already on it."

Even without telling her too she already knows, and when Avian rises up to fetch the mop I always keep in my cupboard so she can clean up Hanji's mess, I lean back in my chair and pinch the bridge of my nose.

"I apologize but I… still don't quite understand her…" Avian pipes up from the other side of the room, deftly soaking up the melted snow.

I barely manage to suppress an exasperated sigh before replying.

"You never will. She's damn psychotic, that's all you need to know."

Once again the room falls into silence as Avian does her job and I do my best to calm my livid irritation. With a start I suddenly remember the last of my tea still left in its cup and I quickly down the last of it.

'_I need all the help I can get dealing with that idiot.'_

Enjoying the last few drops, I stare at the cup in my hands, simple and cream colored with a handle that I refuse to use, and just as I'm about to put it down my eyes catch sight of a stark detail on its surface and, if possible, my irritation spikes even more.

It must show on my face for I hear Avian make a curious sound, stopping temporarily in her mopping before walking over to me.

"What is it?"

I refuse to answer, so Avian follows my gaze to the large, obscene crack running down the length of the ceramic cup and her eyes grow wide.

"No! Don't tell me I did that!" she mutters.

Before she can panic I shake my head and set the cup down.

"You didn't." I console her. "It's just the gloss cracking, which I guess I shouldn't be too mad about. I've only had the damn, cheap thing for years."

"If you say so…" she replies back, still holding onto the mop and she picks up her own cup, inspecting it. "This one has minute fractures forming on it as well."

'_Of course.'_

I admit, when it comes to my personal belongings I'm a stickler for perfection. Though this set I own is both cheap and old as hell, I've always made sure to take care of it properly, but I guess this time I got exactly what I paid for: an absolute piece of crap.

"If I may say so…" Avian continues, setting the cup back down and heading over to finish her task. "…I'm surprised you would own something so poorly crafted. You've always struck me as the kind of person to favor more high quality wares."

"I bought it a long ass time ago and it was all I could afford." I admit. "It's about time the stupid thing broke so I can get another one. I've been putting it off for a while now."

The ginger looks up from her mopping.

"Perhaps a trip to the market is in order?"

"It would seem so."

"While out, I would conjecture it to be efficient to fetch Hanji her list of items as well."

"Hell no."

"It can't possibly be that lengthy of a list…."

"You don't know the unfathomable extent of her needs." I correct her, reluctance pulling at me but, after much deliberation I force myself to eye the folded paper still laying haphazardly upon my desk where Hanji threw it and open it.

'_Parchment. Quills. Ink. Glass slides. 50 ml and 100 ml beakers. Pipettes. Scalpels. Sandpaper…. A cheese grater? What the…'_

The list isn't long, but I keep myself from reading any further because I know the items will only get weirder and weirder.

"Should have expected as much coming from her…"

My voice is basically a sigh, and for a minute or two I just think while Avian finishes up cleaning the melted snow off the floor and disappears into the bathroom, presumably to clean the spilt tea off her jacket. When she exits, down to wearing a simple long sleeve shirt after relieving herself of her soiled clothing, she walks over to me and stops.

"So?" she questions while fussing about the hem of her shirt. "Have you decided?"

In all honesty I don't feel like going anywhere, especially if I have to go do stuff for that damn four eyes, but glancing at my less than perfect tea set again, I realize that I really don't have a choice.

'_I have to go out to get a new damn tea set anyway.'_

A few more moments of indecision stall my answer, but in the end I scowl and stand.

"It can't be helped…."

Beside me Avian nods.

"I presumed as much." She states before stalking away and picking up the large jacket she hung upon a coat rack near my door and putting it on.

I raise my brow.

"Going somewhere?" I ask, and in response the woman looks at me sort of strangely as if I asked her a trick question.

"You… just said we were going to the marketplace, correct?"

"**I **am, not you."

It came out more sharp than I intended, and Avian appears taken aback slightly.

"Why not? I assumed you could use assistance with carrying everything."

"I don't need your help. You'll just get in the way."

"I will not." She argues back, indignant for a moment, then a curiously lighthearted expression crosses her features. "And are you sure you do not wish for support? Even with a small list I imagine it will be quite a struggle for one person to carry it all without dropping something."

"I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own shit." I frown.

"What about Hanji's then? That's quite a strenuous load for one pair of arms..." she replies, then unexpectedly a strange, jesting smile tugs at her lips. "… unless this is your way of showing off your masculine prowess, of course. If so then by all means I'll leave you to your endeavors. I'd loathe to be the one to inhibit your 'Macho Man' efforts."

I blink.

'_Macho Man? Just what the hell is this woman going on about? And that tone, is she… teasing?'_

I can't help but raise a brow at her. Since when did this start? Avian's always been pretty open and easy going with me, she's even joked before, but this… this is new. I don't recall her ever speaking this way to me before; her voice is so playful sounding, and her smirk…

I don't know why, but the way she looks at me with those bright eyes and impish smile, my heart thrums against my ribs. In defensive reaction my customary wall of irritation rises, as it always does whenever she does something to make me feel strange, and I harden my glare.

"Fine by me." I scowl back, doing my best to calm my thudding chest. "Besides, I remember something you told me once, you know, about how much you hate the market?"

"That was a long time ago."

"With it being near the end of the year, you know it's going to be crowded as hell." I push further, knowing full well of the ginger's strong adversity to large groups of people, but against my assumption Avian's expression does not change, seemingly unbothered by this fact.

"I'll manage." She replies simply, and gives a faint shrug of her shoulders.

"So, despite your obvious aversion to people, you are still willing to go into a busy, crowd infested bazaar district, possibly for hours, simply because you believe that I need your help." I continue skeptically, "Are you _sure_ you want to put yourself through that?"

My voice weighs heavily with doubt, positive that she'll think twice about volunteering to go to a place she hates, but instead of wavering she holds my gaze steadily with an emotion I can't quite identify, and when she answers her voice is unexpectedly certain.

"I don't mind as long as I'm with you."

That's it. That's the extent of her argument. No clever ruse, no persistent persuasion… nothing, just a short, honest answer of which I'm not quite sure how to take. Is she being serious? She's perfectly fine with putting herself through something she hates just because she'll be with me?

I'm caught within myself, half of my brain fully aware that it is more professional as well as more compliant with Erwin's wishes to leave her stupid butt behind, yet at the same time the other half of me just can't stand to say no. I don't understand it; I have no qualms with disciplining the other soldiers, of tearing them down into sniveling mounds of pathetic filth if they even so dare as to speak back up to me, but with her… I find myself struggling to uphold my strict level of authority, and it's infuriating.

It's the struggle that burdens me now, and even though I know it to be best to send her off and end our relationship, whatever the hell it is right now, the longer I glare at her placid features, I just can't bring myself to do it. Against my normal judgment, I'm secretly surprised and glad she was brazen enough to make such an offer. I've come to enjoy having her around, and this would be no different.

'_Just this once I'll let her come.' _I bribe inwardly. _'I'll deal with her when we get back.'_

Avian makes no move or sound, patiently waiting for a verdict and, after a second or two I relent with a heavy scowl.

"Fine." I state flatly. "But if you get run over or lost it's your own damn fault."

Her grin grows.

"That's agreeable. I expect nothing less from you."

With a final turn her glittering head twirls away, and nothing is said in the passing minutes were she grabs her jacket and I my mantel. Before we know it we're suddenly outside, slugging through the snow covered walkways of Stohess side by side.

Just as it does every year, winter brings with it a dramatic change in landscape. Instead of clear streets and the vibrancy of colors that accompany summer and fall, every object and place is decorated in stark white. Rooftops, street lamps, trees, bushes, fences, signs, benches… all of it is covered in soft, light powder, and even though there are hardly any clouds in the sky a few flakes still fall, guided to the ground by gentle breeze. It's amazing to look at, seeing everything familiar to you change appearance so drastically, even after years of living on the surface.

And the quiet, that's the part I like most. Unlike how it is in the height of summer, the cold keeps most people away, leaving the streets oddly barren aside from a civilian here and there, and the change in weather has a strange way of muting the sounds of the world. Carriages don't seem to squeak as badly, talk isn't as loud, and even little sounds such as the squash of snow beneath our feet or the twitter of birds chirping from cracking branches sounds accentuated against this new, chilly backdrop.

"It's nice out here."

With no people to obstruct my path I cast a sideways glance at the woman beside me.

"Don't misunderstand me, I still prefer summer and being warm," she continues, arms drawn up about herself to keep her navy jacket in place, "but I admit that winter has to be the most beautiful season of all. Don't you agree?"

I frown and return to looking straight ahead.

"It's not bad…"

"You are not one to be impressed easily."

"What's to be impressed by? It's just water."

"It wouldn't kill you to be slightly more imaginative than that."

"Oh well."

I can feel Avian's jesting eyes on me as we walk, but instead of saying more to fuel her banter I rummage in the pocket of my uniform jacket and pull out two pieces of paper. I already know what's written on these lists, but I still busy myself with reading them just so I can have something to distract me from the woman at my side.

'_There's Hanji's shit we have to get,' _I growl mentally, doing my best to ignore the presence beside me that inadvertently makes my heart beat just a little bit harder. _'and I might as well get what I need as well. Bleach is a must, and while I'm at it I'll go ahead and grab a few extra pairs of kerchiefs and extra mop heads. Then there's parchment and ink, sword oil, lantern oil, body soap, flint… My damn tea cups are getting jacked up so now I have to buy a whole new set, and I'm running low on coffee grounds and black tea leaves…'_

I try to go on, but the feeling of heat upon the side of my face stops me. With a spike of annoyance I glower at the offending pair of eyes watching me.

"WHAT." I growl, greatly irritated by her persistent staring.

I absolutely loathe and love how my cold demeanor doesn't faze her when she replies.

"Nothing." She states simple with a shrug of her shoulders, and I'm slightly unnerved at how her blue eyes just seem to soak up my features. "Just watching your thought process. It's interesting."

"You sound like damn shitty glasses." I mutter. "If you don't want to be sent back then stop. It's annoying and pointless."

Before she can respond I make a show of turning away and stalking on, completely ignoring her. If there is something she wants to say she does well to keep her mouth shut, for from then on there is nothing but silence between us.

Time slips by with us just walking, snow covered buildings guiding us deeper into the city. Near the Corps building there was few people walking about, but as we get closer the snow on the ground grows more sparse, carriages pass more often, and the number of civilians going about their way increases until the world around us becomes a mixture of crowds and the sound of horses neighing and merchants enticing people to investigate their wares. Being one of the larger cities inside the Walls, Inner Stohess is packed with people even on a chilly winter day, and soon enough the bodies of people become a maze for us to walk through.

"I still have yet to understand how a society can support such a large populace." Avian mutters as we walk, doing her best to stay as close behind me as possible to avoid being constantly bumped into. "I know that there have been other civilizations superior to this in size in the past, but such a fact fails to enlighten me as to how this can exist at all."

"It just does. You're wasting your time trying to understand it." I reply back, dodging around a seemingly endless hoard of trench coats and body heat.

"Why must I not have curiosity about the place in which I live?" she responds.

"Because it's pointless and involves a whole bunch of political crap I have no interest in delving into."

Whatever response Avian must have is wiped away when a large laborer carrying a stack of wooden crates nearly steps all over us, the much taller man shoving between us without even stopping.

"Damn people. Never watching where they are going." I growl toward his back as he walks away.

Though I'll never admit it, I harbor the same kind of loathing for the market as Avian does, albeit for a different reason. While she is more put off by the number and close proximity of the people here, I hate it for the fact that no one has any respect and acts like they own the damn road.

I'm almost tempted to stalk after him and give him a proper lesson, but a tug on my mantle stops me.

"Well that was boorish…" Avian mutters from where she stands behind me, hand gripping my clothing and eyes following the man. "Not even courteous enough to apologize."

A displeased growl of irritation is my only answer to her comment before turning and continuing down the crowded street. Though I don't enjoy the feeling of tugging on my uniform, I decide to allow Avian to keep a hold of me as we walk.

'_If I don't the stupid brat will probably just get lost or trampled.' _I groan inwardly, dodging around another large man before rounding a corner to a street just as congested as the previous one. _'How irritating… the last thing I need is for her to get caught up in this mess. I don't feel like putting up with her uncoordinated bullshit…'_

Unfortunately, the world must be determined to put my patience to the test, for just when I finish my thought I notice the slack on my mantle with a jerk.

"Shit."

All I can think of is that the dumbass has already gotten lost trying to follow me, and I whirl around so hard the people around me let out small yelps of surprise. I ignore them, all my attention focused on deftly scanning the surrounding area for the sight of bright ginger.

Luckily it doesn't take me long to spot said ginger, but that small silver lining does nothing to quell the rapidly escaladed aggravation burning inside me. She's only a few meters back the way we came, attention directed towards a complete stranger sitting against the wall, and though I know nothing of what is being said or who this man is she is talking too, I can tell that it's nothing good.

"You're so kind, beautiful lady." I hear the stranger mutter, an older, scraggly bearded man clothed in a filthy, torn shirt, and I swiftly up my pace when he gives Avian a gaping smile and grabs her hands.

"Tis the least I can do for you…" she replies back before drawing her hands away to dig in the inner pocket of her navy jacket. "Poor man… let this help you find proper clothing to fare against this weather. I am heartbroken to hear about your legs…"

When I draw closer Avian pulls out a wad of Euro notes, the likes of which I have no idea she had since I specifically remember not allowing her to handle money, and she begins thumbing through them all the while the man looks on modestly.

"That's what happens when you don't take care of yourself properly." He answers her, drawing a dirt covered hand over the empty pant legs splayed out before him where his legs are supposed to be. "Now you do well to take care of yourself. You're such a kind person, I'd hate to know something happened to you."

"Worry not, for I shall be fine." Avian smiles back, blissfully unaware of my glowering eyes boring into her, and she separates a small stack of notes from her stash and offers it. "I hope that this will do…"

"Ah, that is more than enough, thank you thank you thank you!" the old man chuckles through a toothy grin. "You're too kind, too kind!"

The man makes to grab the money, but instead of a fist full of cash he receives an armful of boot, courtesy of me. Both he and Avian exclaim in surprise when I kick his grubby hands away, and I'm slightly disappointed that I apparently didn't break his wrist in the process.

"Levi!"

Avian's voice is full of shock, and I can feel her eyes on me as well as the eyes of several passers by, but I pay neither her nor them any mind, instead giving all my heated anger to the man on the ground.

"Fuck off."

Below me the man grits his teeth, clinging to his wrists in pain, and he glares up at me.

"What was that for?!"

"I said fuck off." I repeat with menace. "Don't you dare lay your filthy, scamming hands on her."

"LEVI."

The intensity of her voice is too strong for me to ignore, and I can't help but give Avian the briefest of glances over my shoulder. Her face is the picture of surprise, eyes wide and completely still. The money is still clutched in her hands.

"Levi what is this?" she asks, and I can tell from the way she looks at me that she must think I'm crazy. "Why did you hurt him!?"

"Because he is a thief, that's why." I state bluntly, glaring at her just as hard.

Her expression doesn't change.

"I don't understand. How is my voluntarily bestowing money to him thievery? Don't you see that he needs it?"

At that my glare darkens.

"Needs it my ass… You can't possibly believe his stupid story."

"Hey, watch your mouth man!" a gravelly voice intercedes behind me, causing me to once again return my attention back to the man. "Let the lady do what she wants! She's just trying to help me out!"

My eyes pierce into his pathetic form, every inch of him from his fingernails to his dark hair covered in brown filth, and a dark cruelty taints my voice.

"That's exactly what you want her to do. Scamming people out of their hard earned wages just because you're too lazy to get off your shameful ass and work."

"Work!? Are you blind man!? How can I work like this!?"

At his plea he motions to his missing lower limbs in an aggressive wave.

"You're just an asshole cheapskate! Go shove your foot up someone's ass why won't ya!?"

"If you say so…"

My voice drips with venom, and before either the man or Avian can react my leg flies up again, and there is a satisfying crack when the boot connects with his face. The man screams, the force of my blow sending him sprawling to the ground, and the pants that cleverly hid his actual limbs flies off, revealing a perfectly functioning pair of legs hidden beneath.

The people around us stop in shock now, but the additional audience doesn't stop me from striking out again, this time smashing him in the gut, and just like that the man is out of commission, reverted to nothing more than a cringing ball of flesh clutching his abdomen.

Everything is silent as I turn from him, and I barely give the woman watching me with shocked eyes time to register what happened before grabbing her by the front of her jacket and dragging her away. She has no choice but to follow, and only when we are secluded in a less populated alley, well away from the curious crowd, do I stop and whirl on her.

"Tell me…" I begin, the woman visibly leaning back from the subdued anger in my voice, "… just what the hell did you think you were doing."

"I… I thought… He looked like he needed help…" she stutters, and for some unknown reason her hesitance only pisses me off more.

"So you give out money to random ass people on the street just because they look sorry for themselves. Is that it?"

"I was just trying to help." Avian retorts back, a small strain of resistance strengthening her voice. "I saw that he was hurting and wished to give him aid. I didn't think that he would be acting out a lie."

"That's your problem."

I know it's wrong of me, to be spitting at her like this. She should know better than to be so open palmed with her money, but at the same time she only offered out of compassion for someone she genuinely believed needed it. His story was completely bogus of course, and this woman should be smart enough to realize that not everyone is as honest as she is, but can I really be angry at her for such a thing?

No, not really. Not like this, but aggravation and frustration come so easily to me now that it just seems to appear of its own accord. I know I only feel like this because of the inner struggle I have regarding her; the unnecessary conflict raging I have in deciding just what to do with her.

Cut her off.

Leave her be.

I still can't commit to one action or the other. It should be such a simple concept, but for some reason I struggle with it, and with all this build up anger towards my own uncertainty, it's difficult for me to keep it in check when I'm with her.

So now, instead of being level headed and looking at the situation objectively, I let a little of my frustration vent out upon the source of my turmoil.

"That's exactly your problem, Conner." I scowl at her, face tight. "You don't THINK. Not all people are good, you should know this. There are selfish bastards out there who don't give two shits about what they do or who they do it to so long as they get good money out of it."

"But who would lower themselves down to such a level for such a trivial endeavor?" she argues back. "Pretending to be crippled and begging for money… such an act is just disgraceful. Who would willingly subject themselves to such a degrading labor?"

"Lazy asshats like him." I growl. "If you aren't careful they'll take everything you've got. And what the hell are you doing with money anyway!?"

I extend my arm out in silent demand, a gesture to which Avian does nothing towards for a good moment or two. With great hesitance she eventually extends her own arm, notes still clutched in her hand, and relinquishes them to me.

Without another word I put them away in my uniform and, still simmering at her utter ignorance, regard her coldly.

"Stay close to me. Don't touch anything. Don't speak to anyone. I'm not going to waste any more of my energy on correcting your screw ups."

My entire demeanor is icy, and after saying all that I want to say I turn a cold shoulder to her and return to the crowded streets.

'_Not even twenty minutes after we leave and she already fucks up.' _I rant, cutting through throngs of people like steel through flesh with strangers giving me wary looks and hastily making way for me to walk. _'I should have just ordered her to stay. I knew this would be a pain in my ass, I _knew _it, yet I was too weak to tell her no and let her tag along like an idiot. What the hell was I thinking...'_

I hate this. I don't know how many times I have to say it. I don't understand what it is about this damn woman that makes me act so different. No one infuriates me like she does, no one intrigues me like she does…. No one affects me in such a wide variety of ways like she does. She makes me feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes, makes me question the same actions and motives I've had all my life.

It makes no sense, how she can affect me this way, and so strongly. I'm Lance Corporal Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest Soldier. I've fought in hundreds of battles, killed thousands of titans, seen countless numbers of comrades eaten and ripped apart. I survived living in the Underground for years, I've killed scores of men with my own hands, I've been beaten and stabbed fighting for my life, and yet all of it, all that shit I've survived through doesn't affect me _**nearly **_as strongly as this damn, ignorant shitty brat does.

What the actual fuck.

Erwin is right. Whatever the hell is going on between her and I needs to stop. I have no choice.

'_After this trip, I'm done.' _I declare, and I feel so adamant about my resolve that I barely even notice the people and frozen world moving about me.

I do, however, notice the miniature form of the woman walking a step or two behind me, and even with eyes fixed straight ahead I can still see her expression. It's oddly cloaked, eyes staring ahead just as mine are, and the lines of her jaw are clamped tight. It's a look of restraint, of masked suffering, and even in my shitty mood and my determination in what I need to do, somehow that look of hers still manages to wrench me.

I do my best to ignore it and keep walking.

No other incidents occur as we walk deeper into the city, streets growing larger and louder as we go. There is hardly any snow here, most of it having been melted away by body heat and the movement of people and carriages moving about. Luckily we manage to make our way through the sea of bodies without much difficulty, and it isn't long before we leave it entirely.

Arriving at our first destination I deviate from the street and enter an unassuming wooden door to my right, Avian close behind. There is hardly anyone inside excluding the shop owner who gives us a simple nod before returning to messing with something behind the counter, and out of habit my eyes begin scanning the numerous shelves and cases lining the walls and middle of the shop floor.

Tea sets of all kinds decorate every available flat surface, hundreds of different makes, sizes, colors, and designs. I had been meaning to come here for ages, at least two months or so when I first noticed the cracking in the glaze, but with the frequency of missions as high as they were at the time there was hardly a spare moment to even sleep. But finally at the end of the year when Erwin deemed our campaign officially over, I now have freedom to do all that I've been meaning to.

'_Let's just hope that this won't turn out to be a waste of a trip.'_

My strict preferences are notorious enough, what with my unwavering demand to have every surface within the Corps spotless, but they only worsen when it comes to purchasing personal belongings. I demand only the best, and I will not tolerate spending any amount of money on anything unless it meets my specifications, and that is where a great deal of trouble stems from.

Avian is silent as she follows me around the shop, wordlessly watching me as I scan over every item in stock, frowning is displeasure when each fall below my high standards.

Too small.

Too large.

Too tall.

Too damn ugly.

Set after set pass us by, and with each I slowly begin to realize that my effort will more than likely be in vain.

Disgruntled at the selection, I set down a particularly underwhelming piece and address the shop keeper.

"Is this all you have?"

"Yes sir, it is." She replies from behind the counter a few meters away. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Yes, there is…"

Despite the great number of items and the vast variety of choices, there is still one thing that each share that I would much rather avoid paying for.

"These sets…" I begin, "…you wouldn't happen to have any without handles, would you?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't." she shakes her head, and I'm not even disappointed in her answer.

"Figures…"

I can feel Avian's curious gaze upon me, asking a silent question but I still refuse to address her, instead I ignore her investigating look completely and head back outside, her at my heel.

A good hour or two passes us as we mull around the market, me leading the way, and despite the great number of shops we enter gathering Hanji's useless supplies and my own wares, the time we spend together lacks it's normal ease. I find myself continuingly giving her a cold shoulder, set on just getting what we need to done so we can head back, but it isn't my own lack of action that bothers me the most.

No matter where we go the ginger is usually animated and engaging. Not necessarily energetic per say, but she always has this kind of alert nature that causes her to look about herself at the scenery or inspect particular items that seem interesting to her. But now, she's uncharacteristically subdued.

I'll give her this, she has obeyed my orders to a tee, neither leaving my side nor touching anything we come across, but in that obedience a sort of glum sits. For our entire excursion she has remained, for the most part, mute, quietly observing me as I lead us to and fro, and it's a little unsettling to see her so… plain. We've spent enough time working paperwork together that I've come to understand a little of her body language, and with that knowledge I can easily read her expression.

We are still near Inner Stohess, though not as many people walk about now that it is near lunchtime, and while we walk in silence, toting white slings over our shoulders filled with numerous supplies and listening to the snow crunch beneath our feet, I cast a small glance to her over my shoulder.

If I didn't know better I'd say she looks completely fine, but there are small details that I can't help but notice that tell me otherwise. Her eyes are slightly more narrowed than usual, a trait that could easily mean that she is just deep in thought and nothing more, but below her eyes her lips are drawn tight, and even the movement of her slim shoulders as she walks seems more stiff than they should be.

'_She's upset'_

I don't know what it is about her, but seeing her this way, knowing I was the one who put her there, makes me feel like a huge asshole, which is freaking stupid. I don't give two fucks about anyone's feelings. As far as I'm concerned everyone in the Corps is a spoiled little shit, and I couldn't care less if they hate me or see me as a heartless bastard. But when it comes to her… when it comes to Avian and how she feels… I suddenly start caring.

My irritation had dissolved long ago, leaving me to feel like my normal self again, and now that I have a leveler head on my shoulders, I can clearly see the mistake in speaking to her so harshly back then. I should have known better, Avian has always been one to be hyper sensitive to negativity and being reprimanded, especially by me. Ever since we started talking again she's pretty much been the perfect help; always compliant to do whatever I ask, never complaining, and she never half-assed anything.

By all rights she really hasn't done anything wrong, nothing to warrant such an angry rebuke over something so trivial. As her superior, I know she takes my orders seriously, though she carries them out with a light heart, so with that being said I should have done better to keep myself in check. But I didn't.

I need to say something, it's too quiet, but it's hard to come up with words when you've never been talented with using them from the start. And Avian doesn't help either, contenting herself with watching the road ahead with subdued eyes.

Silence stretches on while we walk, and with each step I continue to struggle to find words to say. At this point I'd take anything, but just what do you say to a person you've crossly scolded into silence? Instead of cleverly coming up with an icebreaker, I'm left with nothing to do except stare at her.

Silence.

More silence.

Nothing but silence and crunching snow and people who pass right on by us. I almost just want to say screw it and leave her to her mulling, but then I remember this morning, how peaceful it was, how content I was to just be there without saying anything, and I deeply wish to have that moment again. Watching her, her tiny fingers fiddling about the buttons of her oversized jacket out of nervous habit, I once again recall how Hanji ruined Avian's perfectly good under-jacket, and I scowl.

Turning to look back straight ahead, I force my mouth to open.

"I'm going to wring that damn woman's neck." I start, keeping an eye on the ginger beside me from my peripheral, and just as I hoped she would, after a second or two she casts a side glance at me.

"Who?" she asks, and though she is still in that weird state of submission, I'm glad to at least have her talking.

"Hanji. I'm still pissed the psychotic idiot ruined your jacket from this morning."

Avian shrugs.

"It can't be helped. I'm just glad it didn't get on Petra's."

"Petra's?"

In response to my confusion Avian lightly tugs on the large navy jacket about her body.

"This is hers. She's letting me borrow it for the time being."

That only confuses me further.

"Why are you borrowing her jacket? Don't you have one?"

Avian shakes her head.

"I've been meaning to acquire one, but everyone had been busy with missions, and since I'm both not allowed to go to the market by myself as well as handle my own allowance, I haven't had the chance."

There is no accusation in her voice, the woman merely stating a simple fact, but I can't help but feel a slight stab. Taking in her form again, I only just now notice the way she keeps her arms close to her body, and how the color of her cheeks is bright pink against her pale skin.

'_I didn't even give any thought to the fact that she might need that extra jacket, as easy as it is for her to freeze to death.'_

Unwittingly my frown deepens, and uncertain as what to say next, we once again fall into uncomfortable silence. Two blocks go by with neither of us uttering a word, but in a voice low with wariness, Avian speaks.

"Whatever I did… I'm sorry…"

Her voice is so low that I almost don't catch her words.

"You've been unusually… tense… as of late," she continues, keeping her eyes focused on the ground. "and though I'm certain a generous portion of your distress stems from the level of workload required of your position, I cannot help but feel as if I am partially responsible for some of it as well."

Another stab, this time deeper than the last, and I refuse to answer her. What can I say? It's awful to hear, but she's telling the truth; she _is _part of the problem. Ever since Erwin made it very clear that things need to be changed, I've struggled with following through with his orders. Every time I gather the resolve to sever our relationship permanently, something always gets in the way, or I sidestep and push it to the back of my mind. It's infuriating, but for some reason when I'm with her, I find myself losing grip on my own self discipline and control… I become unwilling to put my duties first… I become selfish….

And it is that selfishness that mutes me now. If I say a lie, she'll be sure to notice; If I tell her the truth, it'll probably drive her away for good, and while the second option is what I know to be best, what Erwin has demanded of me, I just flat out refuse to do so. Having her gone again, not only would it make me ache in a way I never thought I could, but… just breaking things off so suddenly like Erwin wants me to, after all the effort Avian has made with trying to make things better between her and I…

'_It would kill her.'_

With sudden insight I realize that I care more about Avian's wellbeing than I do obeying my commander.

It's such an unexpected revelation that I have to take a moment or two to fully take it in. Nothing has ever been more important to me than helping Erwin achieve freedom for humanity. I've spent the past six to seven years dedicating my life to his cause because it's only right, and during those years no thing and no person has ever challenged the order of my priorities. At least… not until now.

Without her noticing I slide my gaze over to the silent woman beside me.

Just how and when did my priorities change? Hell, I don't even understand _why. _All I know is that I've grown to want her company, and after those long six months where we didn't talk… I don't want her to leave ever again. I'm half annoyed and have curious about this new change in me, and in a desire that doesn't seem like me at all, I want to know more.

I want to understand.

I want to make my own decision.

I want to be selfish.

And so a resolve hardens in me, but for a different reason this time. For once, I don't give a shit what Erwin says.

'_Idiot, doubting my commitment to the Corps. Tch. What a disappointment.'_

Without another moment's hesitation I push all thoughts of Erwin and his idiotic order to the back of my mind and focus on the now. The entire time Avian and I had made small talk and I had been lost in my own thoughts I paid no attention to the city around me, but now with mind clear I take stock of where we are.

We had continued walking, even in a daze, and instead of the busy main streets where we had spent the majority of the morning, we are now in the middle of passing through a sparsely populated back road lined with small hole-in-the-wall shops. Without even really trying one automatically catches my eye, a quaint little shop with a hanging sign out front, and idea pops in my head.

I know myself well enough to realize that speaking a verbal apology for my actions earlier this morning will never happen, so instead of saying it through words, I get it in my head that perhaps I can do so another way.

'_I've got a bunch of shit to make up for anyway, and since we're down here I might as well do her a favor and get her what she needs.'_

Mind made up and without even a single word of warning I take Avian's hand and begin leading her toward the shop.

"L… Levi?" she stutters behind me, and I can almost feel her immense surprise. "Where are we going?"

"Can't you tell through the window?" I reply flatly back as we reach the shop's door, and Avian peers inside.

"A clothing shop? You need new cravats?" she asks.

"We aren't coming here for me."

Before she can reply I pull her inside and stop right inside the door. Just like all the other shops we've visited, the entire, small space is filled from floor to ceiling with merchandise. A whole assortment of different clothing pieces line the walls and racks in the center of the room ranging from shirts, pants, and small accessories, but by far the largest selection they have due to the winter season are coats. Everything from small cotton shoulder throws, leather jackets, and even a few expensive full fur coats, each in a stupid amount of variety, sizes and colors, greet us.

Beside the door we both scan everything, Avian in slight awe over the sheer amount of stuff everywhere, and after a moment of nothing I frown at her.

"Well?"

The ginger turns to me in question, and I nod toward the center of the shop.

"Pick something."

Once again she kind of just stares at me, looking almost a bit off guard, and when she replies it's obvious in her voice that she doesn't quite understand what I'm saying.

"Pick something? For me?" she asks.

My instinctive, smartass answer comes out first.

"No, for me because I'm too lazy to do my own damn shopping." I automatically snip, but right after I mentally kick myself.

'_Could you quit acting like an ass for one second.'_

Annoyance come naturally to me, and it takes a second for me to take a breath before I try again.

"You said you need a coat and haven't been able to get one because people have been busy to take you, right?" I remind her, and I visibly see understanding color her eyes. "Well… we're here."

Blue eyes watch me intensely, but it is no longer confusion that clouds them. Instead they take on that odd piercing look of hers, and I can feel her searching me.

'_Why the hell does she do this so much? It's like everything I do or say she has to investigate me on it.'_

I can't help but get a little annoyed by this woman's constant investigating, but instead of fighting it I just let her do it. Perhaps this is just her trying to understand. She has said a couple times of how she had to analyze her brother Romulus' actions because he rarely spoke with words, and because she has also said that he and I are similar in demeanor, perhaps it's just habit. Either way I say nothing as she examines me, not knowing what exactly she is searching for, but after a moment her eyes relax.

"Are.. are you sure? Do you not wish to return to the Corps as soon as possible?"

I shrug.

"I've got time."

Avian holds my gaze just a little longer, and though I see a number of emotions running through her expression I can't read them. Eventually, however, the tension around her eyes and mouth loosens slightly and the shadow of a ghost of a grin up turns her lips.

"I'll be quick." She tells me, and when I take to crossing my arms and lean back against the wall to wait, she turns away with a hint of spring in her step.

Watching her go, a little bit of the tension that had been accompanying me all day wanes.

'_I've got time….' _I repeat, and for once, I don't feel in a rush to get back. _'I've got all day.'_

***Author's Note***

Hello my fellow fanfic addicts! I am proud to announce that I am, in fact, not dead. At least not entirely, but I'll get to that in just a min… For now, as I always do, I shall apologize for the atrocities of which I have committed. First off, this thing is a whole month late… last update was back in February… wow… I suck. Granted I did take an impromptu month hiatus because my writing fingers just weren't in the mood… but that's no excuse. Also, this chap is another twenty thousand word beast, and the worst part, this is only the first part of what I originally planned, but of course as is my habit my pacing skills are absolute balls, so I needed to split a chappy into two parts… AGAIN. DAMN IT, this is just ridiculous. I mean

_Reconciliation_

_Deeper Understanding (Part 1)_

_Deeper Understanding (Part 2)_

_Rival_

_A Terrible Mistake (Part 1)_

_A Terrible Mistake (Part 2)_

_Thrumming, Swelling Heart_

_Taking Chances (Part 1)_

I mean LOOK AT THAT SHIT. MY PACING IS ABSOLUTE BALLS. If there is anyone still reading up to this point I commend you, for this is just terrible writing. I feel ashamed. *hides in hole*

Anywho, I hope this chapter was okay. I really tried to highlight the small nuances and traits that people who like another person normally express: memorizing their love interest's habits/quirks, enjoying time together even when they are doing absolutely nothing at all, understanding the hidden meaning behind expressions and reading between the lines, those sorts of things. Hopefully it worked but… I guess y'all will let me know.

Before I reply to reviews, here is an update on me, and it'll be quick cause no one cares about this stuff anyway lol. So I took a month hiatus as stated before. Just didn't have the inspiration to write, so I didn't. Also, therapy fell through, so no doctor for me for a long while, and I got a new job, which would be fine I guess except it's one of those 'heavy labor twelve hours a day' kinda jobs, which leaves me too whooped when I get home to write most of the time. Boo.

So, on to reviews:

**Guest from Chapter 21: **I thank you for the praise! ;u; And you are absolutely right. It is my fault entirely for not writing out the story to where Avian's intelligence can be showcased properly. That is just poor writing on my part, and I apologize for it. However, as per your suggestion, I have slightly altered the course of the story slightly in around two or three chapters which will hopefully exemplify her thinking outside the box. There will be a very little taste of her puzzle solving skill (via tinkering with mechanisms) as well here in the next chappy, but it's very minor. I'll do my best to add more of her badass problem solving skills here in the future. See, this is why I always beg for your comments; they help make the story better!

**Close enough story: **Well I'm glad somebody enjoyed Levi's insults aside from me at least. They could stand to be more creative though… gotta work on that. Levi does have a pretty creative, albeit vulgar, vocabulary…

In all honesty, I thought the scene upon the wall was almost too big of a leap, too quick, but I guess it was just right. *wipes forehead* That's a major relief. And never feel ashamed for spazzing out like a little kid. _**I **_spazz out at this fic and I'm the freaking author xD. And I thank you for the best wishes. They mean so much to me, I almost want to cry ;u;

**EpicShadowNinja: **Thank you! And I think we all died from Levi adorableness :'D Like I said to Story, I'm glad that the Wall scene turned out okay. It almost felt like too much, but I just kinda went with it lol.

**FearIsAnIllusion13: **I thank you so much! I'll do my best to update soon again and try to keep from half killing myself haha C:

**Crystalviolet24: **First off, I'm very sorry to hear that you've been having trouble, even if only for a day. It never makes me feel good to hear about people's hardships, but I'm glad that this story somehow made you feel a little better C:

As always, I never get tired of hearing that Levi is still being portrayed believably and in character. I'm a broken record when I say that I always worry about writing him out true to how he is portrayed in manga/anime, so it's always a relief to know that I'm still doing him justice. And I somehow made you love Levi more!? IMPOSSIBLE OAO He is already supreme lord of all that is Hot and Sexy and Utterly Mouthwateringly Gorgeous.

Also, never apologize for rambling or long reviews. The longer the better. Seriously. I freak out when I see long reviews. It makes me feel like people appreciate my work and I love hearing what you have to say in detail as well!

I'll do my best to take care of myself but… I'm not good at that. I'm a bit… stubborn xD

**Skullchildforever: **Glad you liked the long chappy! And yes, Levian fluff will be back C:

**Thebeccac: **OMG THE CAPS LOCK OAO

Glad to hear that Avian's development in that chappy was believable as well. It was kind of difficult to write out properly, but I think I did fairly okay. And the beating… oh the beating… I wish I had popcorn for that lol.

I thank you greatly for your concern! I'll do my best but, hey… what can ya do? Stuff happens, but it's all good c:

**Haruna Shikaio: **I'm so, SO SORRY this update was so late. You hoped I'd update soon and I FAILED YOU ;n; Hopefully this makes up for it. I'm so very, very happy to hear that you are enjoying this story as much as I am writing it. I put lots of effort into it and, though there is a lot I need to improve on, I'd like to believe that my writing has gotten at least slightly better over the course of this fic. Hopefully Levi and Avian's story will still keep your interest in chappys to come c:

**19Delfin: **Personally…. I find it cruelly fun to put Levi through so much heartbreak/confusion/frustration/ect. He's pretty funny when he gets all flustered and stuff o3o Also he would never just jump into something like that right off the bat either. As shown here, I always imagined that he would struggle greatly with a changing in priorities, where dedicating his life and serving humanity were suddenly undermined by some other, greater purpose.

I'm glad Levi and Avi are on talking terms again as well, and hopefully it'll actually stay that way lol

**Guest from Chapter 25: **As I told the other guest on chapter 21 (unless this is the same person then continued from before), if any part of this fic comes off as making Avian a damsel in distress, then it is my fault entirely for crappy writing. I will be honest that there will be a couple instances to where she will get into a sticky situation where it is Levi who will come in to help her, but rest assured that those situations will not progress nor be rectified in the way you might expect (hopefully). With her being a shifter, there are some things that will happen to her regarding that where Levi will step in for her, of course, but I promise you that there will be other situations to where Avian helps Levi in some way. We won't get to it for about four chapter s or so, but there will be a point to where both she and Levi will need help.

It's a very fine line to walk, I know. I want Avian to be pretty self sufficient and strong in her own way, but also keep the integrity of her unique character in check. By fact she is abnormally small, and thus weak, her knowledge outside of problem solving is still poor at best, and with her being female and human and highly empathetic, she is quite emotional at times. I want to write her as human and as believable as possible while still retaining a sort of dignity so as to not fall into a stereotype, but we'll see how that goes. For the most part, her reactions are partially inspired by my own reactions if I were put in that particular situation, but not all the time. I purposefully made her slightly like myself in order to help me write her better and identify with her more. I guess that's a bit of a cop-out, but hey… twenty five chapters in its kinda to late to change anything now lol.

As far as showcasing a scene with Avian and Eren fighting together in their titan forms… I'll have to see. I've already planned out how the rest of this fic will play out, and right now there isn't a real good place for that to happen without it seeming kind of random. I'll see what I can do though! It'd be pretty awesome in my mind and, I kinda think it adorable because Avian's titan is so small she can just hitch a ride on the Rouge Titan's shoulder o3o

**Aboutaweekago: **Yay monologues! :D I admit, I go a little overboard with them but… they're just so much fun to write I just can't help myself lol. And I'm glad to hear you like the fic, especially when Levi isn't your favorite. It's nice to know that he is written appealingly here. It always does my self-esteem good to hear peoples positive comments ;u; Just curious, but who is your favorite? I like knowing people's opinions cause… I'm weird o3o

Guess that just about wraps it up folks. Just as a fun little insider, next chappy will pretty much be what I can only describe as a 'fluff overload', and starting from where we left off here… the rest of the day is gonna pretty much be an impromptu 'not date' date xD As always, thank you for reading and please leave your thoughts and comments in a review. Until next time!

-Ambi


	27. Taking Chances (Part 2)

Chapter 24:

**Taking Chances (Part 2)**

"Hey, Levi! Come look at this!"

Avian's voice calls out to me from somewhere among the maze of hangers and coats, drawing me out of my half-hearted thoughts, and without moving from where I lean against the wall with arms crossed over my chest in slightly restrained patience, I answer her back.

"What for?"

" Just look!"

'_Would it kill her to just tell me instead of yelling across the whole damn store?' _

I almost decide to ignore her, but there is an obvious level of cheer in her voice, almost jesting, that probes me to unwillingly lift my gaze up toward where I know her to be. With hundreds of different items of varying sizes, colors, and textures, I have trouble finding her at first, but after a moment a particular coat moves on its own, stepping toward me, and from deep within the overwhelming confines of its dyed fur a fair skinned face peers out.

"How's this?" she asks with a grin, and despite her cheerful nature my scowl does not lessen.

I do not know what has possessed her, but taking her in, words fail me in the most deprecating of ways. My expression does not change as my eyes grudgingly scan her covered form, narrowing in disgust at the absolutely hideous piece of clothing she has draped over herself. It's a mess of extra long, slightly matted, exaggerated fur from collar to hem, so large that it's bottom drags the ground and it's hood covers the entire top half of Avian's face, and it's the most horrendous color of drab brownish yellow that I have ever seen in my life.

A second passes in which the woman patiently waits for a reply before words finally force themselves from me in a grunt.

"It's like one of Erwin's eyebrows hopped off his face and grew legs." I comment flatly, to which the ginger chuckles.

"Does it not!?" she comments back, struggling to pull back the oversized sleeves far enough so she can somewhat push back the fur-covered hood covering her eyes so she can peer out. "Tis even accurate to the shade of them as well! Though this piece is quite… shall we say… deplorable at best."

"Then why the hell did you put it on?"

It comes out as more of a snap than I intend, but thankfully my sharp tone does not seem to bother her as Avian lets out another chuckle.

"I was curious as to what you would say."

"Well congratulations, it's ugly as shit." I scowl back. "Keep wasting time like this and we'll leave with nothing at all. Hurry up and take it off. You're wasting time, and you look freaking ridiculous."

"It is a bit eccentric, I admit." She agrees, seemingly lost in thought, but thankfully she follows my order and swiftly take the hideous thing off, albeit with some difficulty. "I have a difficult time believing that people actually purchase and wear such a thing. Is this really what your people consider to be good-looking, to resemble that of a large, unhygienic mutt? The color is certainly comparable to that of an unwashed dog… such a muddy, splotchy tan… What species of animal does this fur even originate from? I've seen more appealing, better kept pelts on the hide of rats…."

The rest of her words are lost in the sound of ruffling as she takes off the coat and hangs it back in its place, and though I doubt she was speaking to me, I can't help but listen in on her ramblings. It's almost amusing, hearing her criticize something in that oddly poetic language of hers. She's usually so agreeable that to hear her speak out such an opinion openly is almost comical. Of course I really should expect no less from her; honesty is her greatest strength after all.

'_She even looks disgusted.' _I muse, taking in the tight line of her mouth and the appalled slope of her brows.

She's too busy going back to rummaging through racks and stands to notice, but as she flutters about I absent mindedly follow her with my eyes. It's intriguing to me, watching her. She's got quite an expressive face if you know what to look for, and after so much time spent together I've come to recognize those tell-tale traits. I love seeing the way her eyes seem to brighten in interest over certain things, watching her thought process as she goes about doing everyday chores single-mindedly, focused solely upon the task at hand.

I much prefer this Avian to the bland one that I've spent most of the morning with previously. It just isn't her, being so quiet and subdued like that. Animation and curiosity are part of her personality, and seeing her now, actually looking more like her usual self again, I'm secretly glad that I brought her here. It's rare… me actually doing something to cheer someone up instead of tearing them down. It makes me feel strange. Seeing the brightened expression on Avian's face, knowing that I helped put that there, a weird sort of energy vitalizes me, and an odd… _something_… tugs at me.

I thought I was over feeling things I can't identify, but I guess not. This new sensation is quite similar to the one I already feel toward her, but it's different as well. It's more deep, more longing, and originates from a place in my chest even more secluded than any of the others. However, unlike all the other times when this had happened to me, I don't find it infuriating. I guess I'm just so accustomed to feeling this way now that I just don't feel like putting in the effort to be annoyed by any new sensation that comes to me.

For a good while I get lost in my own musings, pondering over this new development within myself instead of paying attention to the world around me. I have no idea how long I zone out, it could have been only a few minutes, but the next thing I know I feel a presence beside me and once again Avian's voice draws me out of my daze.

"What of this?"

At her question I lift my head and turn toward her. This time the woman is only a few steps away, peering down at herself as she fusses around with the jacket she has chosen.

"It's the only one I've found that fits my frame properly…" she continues lowly before raising her eyes to mine with an odd look of uncertainty. "…Is it alright?"

I make no comment, merely maintaining a look of careful indifference as I appraise her. Thankfully, instead of some joke choice, it seems the ginger is actually serious, and I have to say that her taste is pretty spot on. Contrary to that oversized rug of a coat she had on earlier, she now dons a slim jacket made of slightly off-white leather that not only is good in length, stopping just a her hips to avoid making her look shorter than she already is, but also hugs her small body in just the right places. A nice collar folds over, exposing just a hint of slim neck that leads the eye down to two rows of large buttons the same off-white as the leather . The sleeves are just the right length, stopping just before her palms, and a wide belt secured around the smallest part of her waist brings it all together.

Under my scrutinizing eye Avian shifts, and when I fail to answer her, she speaks up again.

"Well…?" she probes cautiously again, and this time I force to raise my gaze back up to hers for only a moment before looking away.

"Not bad." I state flatly, doing my best to ignore the faint tightness in my chest. "You don't look like a damn eyebrow at least."

"Thank you… I think…?"

I can feel her eyes upon me, trying to figure out the meaning behind my deadpan comment, and without moving my gaze from where I stare at the wall, I continue.

"Is that what you want?"

An approving hum comes from the ginger in reply, and at the sound I push myself off the wall I was leaning against and unceremoniously lead the way to the counter.

"Then hurry and take it up there." I mutter as I pass her. "We've wasted enough time in this damn store as it is."

"Well I apologize that it took a generous amount of effort to try and procure an article that actually fits me." Avian counters, only a step or two behind. "Tis no fault of mine that my stature is well below average."

"What kind of excuse is that? You make it sound like it's some sort of great feat. "

"So you imply that finding appropriately fitted garments shouldn't be as much of a hassle as I make it to be? You're one to talk. From what I see you are not the tallest tree in this forest either…. Lest my eyes deceive me and you are merely crouching inconspicuously in those uniform trousers of yours…."

Avian's voice drips with a surprising amount of jest, and when I turn to glare at her over my shoulder a slightly smug grin and a pair of teasing blue orbs greet me.

I still, for the life of me, cannot understand just where this new teasing side came from. Never before has she acted this way; sure she's pretty open and friendly when she's comfortable around people, but this…? This is new, especially to me.

'_And it just started too, after we began talking to each other again, like we're suddenly buddy-buddy now. What the hell?'_

The reason, or lack of reason for a better phrase, behind this change in attitude confounds me. It's completely out of place between a soldier and her commanding officer, utterly unprofessional, and it can even be taken as disrespectful. Yet through all of that I do not mind her joking. Instead of irritation, my heart thumps slightly harder than usual, and just the sheer brightness of her expression is enough to make me stop mid-step.

I take a moment to make sure that my voice is controlled and bore before I reply.

"You've got nerve talking to me like that."

"As do you. Ever heard of the idiom 'The pot calling the kettle black'? Perhaps you would do well to heed it's advice Mr. Pot." She jabs back, still wearing that hint of a smug face.

I want to say more, to counter her jab with a sass ridden remark, but any sort of sharp retort dissipates before it can be spoken. I'm so unaccustomed to her teasing that I am not entire sure how to properly approach it, so instead of wasting my time fumbling for words I merely give her narrowed glance before turning back around and heading toward the counter.

"Say, no remark for once? That's novel."

"I was going too, but I realized it's useless to argue with someone as annoying and idiotic as you." I scoff back. "You'll just bring me down to your pitiful level then beat me with experience."

"Least there is one skill I posses superior to yours." I hear her smile behind me. "Though I was hoping for something more dignified. 'Annoying' and 'idiotic' are not two words I would usually associate myself with, unless they are new synonyms for the words 'fun' and 'amusing', to which I will gladly accept."

Sarcasm slips in the form of a single, forced, cynical laugh.

"Well hate to burst your vocabulary bubble, but they aren't. What a shame…"

If Avian had a reply in waiting, she keeps it to herself when we make it to the counter. Without asking the woman hands over her jacket and the store clerk does there thing. When it comes time to pay I reach for Avian's money stuffed into the pocket of my uniform, but before I get there I stop. My hand hovers over the pocket for a good second or so until I move again, this time reaching into a different pocket for my own money.

After paying both Avian and I silently leave to the sound of the shopkeeper wishing up Happy Holidays, and make our way back down to snow covered streets. Once there and only when a long moment has passed does the woman speak up.

"Why did you do that?"

I cast her a sideways glance.

"Do what?"

"Pay with your own allowance."

The ginger regards me with an even expression, though there is a shadow of interest playing in the slope of her brows.

"You started to reach for my own, then you stopped. Why?"

Why indeed…. Honestly I never even fully realized what I had done until just now when she brought it up, and instead of a straight answer, inwardly I'm just as perplexed as she is. It's not like she was short on notes or anything. Hell, she nearly gave away pretty much an entire wad of Euros to some random ass dude on the street.

I don't even remember consciously deciding to pay for the stupid jacket with my own allowance. I just… did.

'_What kind of retarded answer is that? 'I don't know why, I just kinda felt like it.' What the actual hell. There has got to be a better reason than that.'_

But no matter how I try to ponder it over, no other explanation comes. It's like I did it just for the heck of it; just because I wanted to. But I can't tell her that. It'll just make her ask more irritating questions that I don't feel like answering, so instead of being truthful, I conjure up an excuse.

"What does it matter?" I start.

"It matters because I had plenty of allowance of my own. That is why I have it. You didn't need to use your own." Avian argues back.

"So I'm not allowed to buy things for my soldiers?" I reply coolly, raising a brow. "You needed a jacket, so I bought it for you. What's the big deal? You might be in Gauche's squad, but you're still technically under my authority, so I'm responsible for your shitty behind. The last thing I need is for Erwin to get on my ass about you getting frostbite or just freezing to death because I didn't provide you with proper clothing."

The woman does not answer, doing that annoying investigating thing with her eyes again before turning away to look ahead.

"Well… Thank you." She mutters finally, drawing up small hands about herself before fussing about the collar with a small smile on her face. "I love it."

I don't know what it is; the delicate way she spoke her thanks, her small, hidden smile or the almost adorable way she sort of snuggles into her new jacket, but the inside of my chest begins to tighten again. It's barely a glance, just a vision from my peripheral, but I can't help but appreciate just what her new article does for her.

With her being so small, everything she normally wears is usually a size or two too large, draping over her like a curtain, but not this. It has to be the way the tailor fashioned the leather, because it hugs her frame in a surprising amount of detail, everything from the slope of her shoulders to the belt wrapped around the small waist I forgot she even had.

'_Her height may be that of a child's, but she definitely has the body of a woman.'_

I catch my thoughts with a sudden shock.

'_Am… Am I finding her attractive?'_

My shock is revealed to no one aside from myself, the ginger who is the focus of my attention walking on beside me completely unaware of my staring, and I'm aghast with unfamiliar revelation.

She _is _attractive. Why am I so astounded by this? I came to that conclusion already way back when, while she and I were talking upon the Wall and I suddenly saw just how beautiful she is for the first time. How is it that I'm struck by such a fact again?

But I am. Walking down the slush covered walkway, I'm taken. I hardly even notice the busy street full of people that pass us by, or even the scenery, because my attention is focused elsewhere. As we go, I can't help but notice how her ginger hair shines starkly against the otherwise white world around her, how small strands play about in the wind, how locks bounce with each of her steps, and there is a weird charm in the snowflakes that continue to fall and get caught in her tresses like sequins.

I don't know how, but I'm lost in her beauty a second time.

So engrossed am I in my own inner musings that I jerk to attention when Avian suddenly turns to peer at me.

'_Her eyes are sequins too…' _I wonder, startled by just how drastically blue they are before forcing myself to pay attention when she speaks.

"There is a small food outlet down the way." She states, pointing ahead of us to a distant shop near the corner of the block. "Did you wish to stop and purchase some tea leaves?"

I force myself to return to my right mind and turn to look straight ahead, careful to wipe away any hint of emotion from my face.

"Yes. Thanks to that shitty four-eyes I'm down to one box, which is utterly unacceptable."

I swear I have no idea what I do or say that is humorous, for I could not be more stern, but at my comment Avian lets out a lighthearted chuckle.

"Then let us fix that blasphemous dilemma."

I decide it better to just ignore her tone and keep my gaze dutifully forward, highly aware of the woman's presence not but a hairs breadth away from me.

'_Ignore her so we can just get our shit and go.' _I mentally order myself, though with the ginger at my side it's easier said than done, and try as I might one eye seems to wish to glue itself to her miniature form.

xXx

"That everything?"

"Yes."

Avian nods back, stuffing the last of ten tea boxes into her shoulder satchel with most of our other supplies and ties the opening in the white cloth tight with a knot.

"Perhaps you may find a hiding spot for these so Hanji wont pilfer them?" she suggests as she throws the satchel over head and rests it on her shoulders.

"The psycho would just riffle through my entire office destroying everything until she finds them if I did." I frown back in distain. "I'd rather her NOT make my office quarters filthy with her unhygienic, soiled hands."

"That would be quite the conundrum."

"What else is new."

Avian shrugs, waiting as I burden myself with my own satchel as she watches something through the front window of the shop. Upon exiting, her eyes stay glued to something across the street, and when I follow her gaze, I spy a small shop no bigger than a nook. Even though it is cold as piss, the lighting inside is yellow and welcoming, and when the door opens and a man steps out with hands encompassing a cup, a very warm, sweet scent permeates the air.

Beside me, Avian takes a deep breath.

"That smells wonderful…" she comments, attention focused upon the shop. "What is that place?"

"A brewing store." I answer. "Instead of selling loose coffee beans or tea bags, they sell hot and ready drinks among other things."

"I see."

I wait for her to elaborate, but after a few second the woman remains quiet, gazing into the shop wearing a sort of curious expression. I follow her gaze, internally debating, but I decide swiftly enough.

Avian jerks to attention when I tap her shoulder to gain her focus.

"Stay here."

She gazes at me questioningly, but before I give her a chance to ask why, I leave her behind and cross the snow ridden street.

It takes but a minute before I leave the store, two cups in my hands, and when I approach her where she stands near the tea shop wall to wait, she lifts her head.

"Here."

Sort of abruptly I stiffly offer one of the cups to her, of which she takes while muttering a thank you, and I take a place beside her by the wall, leaning against it for support.

Avian watches me, expression difficult to read, then gazes at the cup in her hand.

"Coffee?" she questions, swirling the beverage slightly.

"Why the hell would I get you something you hate." I bark back much harsher than I intended, and I'm forced to take a second to reel myself back in and try to answer her again in a slightly politer tone. "No, it's hot chocolate."

Avian raises a brow.

"Hot chocolate?"

My frown deepens.

"You DO know what that is, right?"

"No."

"…"

"What?"

"You're serious…"

"Of course. What reason would I have to lie?"

My entire facade falls flat.

"… Unbelievable…"

"Is… is that… bad?" the woman shifts in a bout of self consciousness, fussing with the cup in her hands.

I pointedly take a long sip of coffee from my own cup before blandly replying, "I'm shitting myself in surprise."

Now it is Avian's turn to draw out a few seconds of silence before she too replies in an almost equally bland voice.

"Your personalized manner of humor is debatably appalling at times."

"Shut up and drink your damn chocolate."

From the corner of my eye I see the ginger give me a look I cannot place, for a moment unconcerned by the steadily falling flakes of snow that begin to land in her cup. I do my best to ignore her stare, keeping my own eyes fixed on some insignificant object ahead of me, and after a while she finally relents. Though I try not to, I keep watch on her from my peripheral as she gives the drink in her hands an inquisitive look before raising it to her lips.

Almost instantly her eyes seem to brighten, and an expression of which I can only describe as bliss lightens her freckled features. Without spoken comment she takes another sip of the steamy liquid, and though she says nothing aloud, the smile permeating her face is enough evidence of what she is thinking, and the expression causes a slight constriction in my chest.

Neither of us speak for a good amount of time, Avian too busy enjoying her chocolate and I too focused on watching her enjoy it. Only when I'm more than half way done with my cup does she speak.

"What was this beverage called again? Hot Chalk-late?"

"Chocolate. Three syllables."

"Chocolate…" Avian mutters, face still alive with delight as she takes another sip. "Hot chocolate. Where has this been all my life? It's simply marvelous!"

"It's always been here you know…" I comment before raising a brow at her. "And why do you sound so damn impressed? It's just a drink… You make it seem like it's the best thing you've ever had."

"It might as well be." Avian swiftly answers as if she can't believe I said such a thing. "I've never had anything like this before. It's SO GOOD."

Avian takes another long sip, easily finishing her cup sooner than I expected, and I swear I've never seen anyone look so happy over a stupid drink.

"I MUST know how to make this. Certainly it's not so complex of a recipe." She muses more to herself than anything before turning her eyes to me. "What are the ingredients? Is it made from leaves like tea? Is there a Chocolate plant or herb I can buy?"

"You ask too many questions." I growl in irritation, more in response to the outright outlandish nature of her questions than the number of them. "First off, there is no such thing as a 'chocolate' plant."

"Oh, is there not?" the woman blinks in mild interest. "Then what is a 'chocolate' exactly?"

"It's a type of sweet made from milk, sugar and cocoa powder." I elaborate through a scowl.

'_She has got to be the most ignorant person I've ever met.' _I muse, slightly appalled by this woman's lack of knowledge concerning… just about everything really. _'Why am I even wasting my time with this? Why did I even bother BUYING her the damn stuff? Shit's expensive as all hell, even this deep in the interior of the Walls since it's so difficult to make. She didn't need it; it was a waste of money.'_

Yet even as I think that I know it's more or less a lie. I mean yeah, it's expensive, and it's not like she asked for it, but for some reason seeing her look so happy over something so simple makes it worth the expense. Even now, while she looks at me with those intrigued blue eyes, that brightness from before still lingers, enough to make my chest warm.

In reality, it wasn't a waste at all. I'm as intrigued by her curiosity and wonder as she is about the actual making of the drink.

With effort I try to soften my scowl back into a slight frown before continuing my answer to her question.

"It's a rare treat since cocoa is hard to come by, and you can only find it in the inner cities of Wall Rose. Just plain old chocolate is sold in bars wrapped in foil, though there are many ways to make it and use it. Hot Chocolate is one way; many other people melt bars down and dip fruit in it."

With each word I say Avian is completely engrossed, gazing at me as if I'm telling her some amazing secret.

"Why have I never heard of this before…?" she mutters to herself, to which I shrug and sip my coffee.

"Who the hell knows. You only lived by yourself in the middle of the woods for over a decade like some sort of social degenerate."

Avian frowns hard at my comment, though it's obvious that she isn't being serious.

"That is not a pleasant way to go about describing me."

"Sorry, not flattering enough for you? I'll do my best to remember to embellish your days living outside the Walls in titan territory like the crazy hermit you are next time." I sass without sparing her much of a glance.

At my jibe the woman folds her arms and hits me with an arched brow and cocked mouth.

"Why do you always seem to feel the need to stretch and garnish truth with crude sarcasm?"

I take another sip of coffee.

"Being an ass is part of my personality."

"Of course. You've got that exterior 'cold-hearted, selfish bigot' facade to uphold after all."

At the hint of repercussion in her voice I harden my gaze toward her.

"Façade? Who said anything about a façade?" I sneer as if she just insulted me. "Hate to break it to you but not everyone has a hidden, golden core. Some people like me are just born assholes."

"That's a lie."

At this I turn to her fully, and I'm inwardly surprised by the amount of indignation I see on her normally placid features.

"You try so hard to cloak yourself with a mantle of aloofness and abrasive behavior, though I know not why." She elaborates sternly. "You always wear such a stern mask all the time; all anyone ever sees from you are scowls and expressions of irritation or disgust. And whenever someone tries to get close, or digs to deep for your comfort, your immediate reaction is to fall back upon curses and insults in effort to ward them away."

"So you imply that I'm just faking." I counter her, a tinge of darkness shadowing my words. "How utterly idiotic of you. I knew you were a dumbass, but I didn't think you were this stupid."

Almost instantly the woman's eyes sharpen.

"There! There it is!" she announces, motioning toward me. "You insulted me. Thrice! So I know for certainty that my assumption was accurate."

I let out a scoff.

"How long are you going to annoy me with your idiotic talk? Your constant blabbering is giving me a headache." I growl.

Avian doesn't relent.

"Until you admit to me about the front you meticulously maintain, though your lack of defense in regard to my previous statement is proof enough to me of your guilt."

"This is ridiculous."

"YOU'RE ridiculous."

"Oopsie. Someone is getting a little bent out of shape over my personality. Sue me."

" T'would not be such an issue if you learned to be more openly expressive instead of scowling all the time as if the world in its entirety pisses you off."

"I don't know what you're talking about; I hardly ever scowl."

"You're doing so right now."

"Only because you keep pestering me over stupid things. If you weren't then I'd be just fine."

"Yes, because your constant frown is _far _better than your scowling…. Brilliant."

Despite the fact that our language is quite condescending toward each other with drips of heavy sarcasm sprinkled in with it, neither Avian nor I seem to take much offence in the others tone. It's an argument, yet somehow our banter is just that: banter. It's obvious to me in the way she speaks and the slightly zealous manner in which she folds her arms and watches me that this is just more of her teasing, though I know there to be truth in her words as well.

"Is is truly that much of a quandary to smile once in a while?" Avian continues to push. "It cannot possibly be healthy to wear such a sullen expression all the time."

"Sullen expression? I always look like this." I reply calmly, averting my gaze to watch a wayward bird flitter about the snow laden rooftops ahead of us.

"That's the problem." The woman answers back. "You always appear so stern and unapproachable. You would do well to soften your expression up a bit so younger cadets will not be so afraid of you."

"That is an absolutely shitty idea." I scowl at the bird as it flies above us and out of my sight. "The moment those undisciplined brats get into their heads that I'm not someone to be feared, all hell will break loose."

"Now you're just exaggerating…"

"You've never seen the Corps before I was promoted; undisciplined, unhygienic slobs. Not a single one of those sorry excuses for soldiers knew how to clean up after themselves properly. The entire dorm building was in lamentable condition before I got my hands on it."

"Well I'm glad to hear that it was you who taught us how to properly wash a stone wall, though I fail to see just what that has to do with your inability to make vaguely positive and friendly expressions."

"Why would I smile when I have to deal with deplorable living conditions thanks to you and the other idiotic trainee brats."

"A smidge of dirt will not kill you; you're just nit-picky."

I scowl even harder.

"Nit-picky? Those halls are undeniably some of the filthiest things I've ever had the displeasure to walk through." I chastise in severe distaste. "I have every right to be 'nit-picky' when there is dirt caked in the mortar, grime along the corners, cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, dust collecting on the bricks, and filth building up on…!"

_**THWUUUMMMMP.**_

In the middle of me listing off every offending detail in rapid fire succession, a wall of wet cold plummets from above, and in the span of a heartbeat my voice stops, I freeze, and my 'this is absolute bullshit' meter flies off the wall.

If I was surly faced before, I can only describe my expression now as 'a look of death'.

With great, strained discipline, I slowly raise my head to look above me, causing small miniature avalanches of snow to fall from my person, and stare up at the cheeky offender. The bulbous eyed pigeon from before stares back down at me with a blank expression, seemingly unaware that it just basically threw snow on the strongest soldier in all of humanity. Even as I glare at it with enough heat that I'm disappointed it doesn't spontaneously combust, the retarded animal just bobs its head, causing a few more flakes to rain down on me, before letting out a throaty call and hopping away.

I've never wanted to slaughter a mere pigeon so earnestly.

'_Fucking unbelievable.'_

For a moment I can only stare up at the empty sky where the bird used to be, utterly unwilling to move thanks to the overwhelming amount of indignation holding my body stiff, but a strange 'snorty' kind of sound from beside me draws my attention.

With the same strained slowness I turn my attention to the _other _retarded pigeon watching me. This one is hideously deformed, a ginger swatch of fluff covering her head, and oddly un-feathered hands covering her mouth, but the eyes peering over her clasped fingers are just as bright, bulbous, and annoying as her friend's.

Another snort escapes her as Avian physically tries to hold in her bout of laughter, though her blue gaze is alight with hilarity and her cheeks are pink with effort of holding her hidden smile in check.

"What the hell is so funny, Conner." I bark.

The woman shakes her head and slowly draws her hands away from her face.

"Nothing." She mutters, failing miserably to wipe the wide smile off her face. "Just the irony."

I don't know who I want to kill more; the damn bird, or the stupid brat grinning at me like an idiot. As much as I yearn to rip both their heads off, I instead yield and plaster on a face of stone. Without another comment or glance I turn away from her and give my shoulders a shake, causing a good amount of snow to plop on the ground.

Beside me the ginger pouts.

"Do tell me that you are not angered over such a trivial thing." She says.

I ignore her and silently brush white flakes off my body.

"You act as if you will die. Tis just frozen water you know." She continues, to which I give a strained reply.

"Just frozen water that has been sitting on top of a filthy rooftop that has likely never been cleaned since it's construction." I fire back.

I can almost feel Avian's exasperation as she leans back on her heel and looks at me.

"So Humanity's Strongest is bested by a flurry."

Once again I opt to completely ignore her and carry on brushing off the offending white specks from myself.

Seconds tick by in silence, though a number of curses play about in my head. The one thing in this world that I absolutely cannot stand is being covered in filth, and now it seems that fate deemed it appropriate to throw such a distaste back in my face, and in front of my subordinate at that. So intent am I in cleaning myself off that I pay no attention to the woman, so I do not take notice of her until she speaks up again, this time her voice playing much closer to me than before.

"My goodness, you're like a child." She teases with a hint of a playful sigh. "Fine. Here…"

I hear her shuffle, and the next thing I know an odd sensation tickles my head and I freeze. I don't move a muscle, instead I turn my gaze to peer at the ginger beside me, and against my will my chest hitches.

Beside me the ginger stands on the tip of her toes, and I watch her in mute surprise as she casually keeps her eyes upon her fingers that brush through my hair, dislodging falling flakes of snow.

I don't know what I should do. Should I stop her? Should I speak? Should I just stay still? I've no idea; this has never happened to me before. As I stand there in the icy cold, all I'm aware of is the sensation of her fingers running through my hair, and even more prominent that the surprise that holds me in place is the feeling of warmth that overcomes me at her touch. It's such a stupid, insignificant gesture, but… I like it.

Her hands are so delicate and soft as they brush off snow from my head, and Avian is so busy with getting every last speck that she apparently has no idea that I'm watching her with an expression that is very much not my own. I cannot describe it in words; it's a type of awe that I've yet to identify, but that does not stop me from feeling it.

The moment seems to speed by and drag at the same time, and before I know it Avian draws her hands away and falls back onto her feet.

"There, better?" she asks, still looking playfully exasperated. "T'would not do well for you to have snow melt in your hair."

It takes all of my effort to remain looking as annoyed as possible in order to hide the bubbling inner heat bothering my chest, and I glare at her before I trust my voice enough to speak without wavering.

"You're lucky I don't punish you here and now for using such sass on me." I growl. "You always seem to confidently forget just who you are speaking to. "

"I'm speaking to a fellow soldier who is too much of a pansy to tolerate a slight brushing of snow upon his crown." She leers back through a slight quirk of a grin. "The least you could do is thank me for not allowing it to melt and make your hair cold with wetness."

I let out an irritated growl, the heat inside flustering me.

"What do I have to thank you for, fucking brat?"

"For assisting an unappreciative old man like you, that's what." She boldly replies.

I can do nothing but continue to glare daggers at her and battle the uncomfortable warmth. I want to tear her down for her blatant disregard of my rank and authority over her, but the strong, pounding beats of my heart banging in my ribs as I stare at her keep me silent. It's rare that she appears so sure of herself, and I find my gaze glued.

Confidence looks so beautiful on her.

With nothing else to do, I narrow my eyes at her, and in response she smiles.

"All this pouting over a little snow. How pitiable." She jibes. "How you gained such esteemed status is beyond me if you are put off by simple debris. I believe I read in a tome once about a disorder characterized by extreme fear of dirt. It's unfortunate that there is no cure for 'nit-pickiness'. I suppose you'll just have to suffer in a world of perpetual filth for the rest of your li…"

_**THWUUUMMMMP.**_

Just as I had done before, Avian freezes midsentence, and her face slowly contorts as a large slab of snow slides from atop her head to land on her shoulder.

Now it is her turn to deal with bullshit.

As if she is an almost exact copy of me, Avian raises her head to glare at the same damn pigeon from before, and it barely manages to hop out of the way as the woman takes some of the snow that had fallen on her and throws it.

"Fate mocks both of us…" I hear her grumble as the bird hops out of sight, hopefully for good.

I cannot help the need to sass back at her.

"Respect your commanding officer next time, then maybe the universe itself won't feel the need to correct your arrogance."

The woman glances at me as color swiftly tinges her face but she says nothing, instead directing her attention to pushing the fresh snow off her new jacket.

As Avian proceeds to brush herself off I watch her, everything from the glittering sparkles of snow accenting her ginger hair, down to the bright pink blush coloring her freckled cheeks. It's endearing, seeing her become flustered over the exact same thing she was just teasing me about, and despite myself a bubble hops up in my throat.

For a second, a chuckle almost escapes me, and it's strange. I don't laugh, ever, but for some reason the situation before me with her looking so embarrassed is comical to me.

Once clear of snow Avian doesn't say much to me, and it's obvious that she just wants to leave and pretend it didn't happen, just as she always does. I let her, wordlessly finishing the last of my coffee before pushing myself off the wall and leading the way back into town again.

The ginger follows a step behind me, face cloaked behind ginger locks, and even as we walk the comical feeling still persists.

'_Idiot.'_

I don't fully understand why, but being with her makes me feel lighthearted in a way. I'm oddly at ease when I stare at her while we walk, and when her face comes up in my mind, covered in snow and wearing an expression that says 'this is complete bullshit', the side of my mouth twitches.

It's not a smile, barely even a smirk, but it's an expression nevertheless.

'_Damn idiot.' _I repeat again, and even in my mind the words are said with a warmth very unlike me.

xXx

The sun carves a great distance across the chilly sky above us, yet even after so many hours in town, we still linger in the streets. Surprisingly, neither of us seems tired of the bustle as we meander even though we finished all of my errands long ago.

Somehow, we end up just walking together, window shopping and enjoying each other's company as we head deeper into Stohess. As we go the ginger is a body of energy. Having rarely been this far into the busy city, her head and eyes swivel with force as if she is trying to look at and memorize everything she sees.

At one point she is so taken by curiosity that she actually takes the lead, pulling me along streets and into random shops that catch her eye. Tailors, blacksmiths, bakeries... even a small book shop, which was a terrible mistake. If it weren't for me physically dragging her out the door, she would have probably spent the whole day browsing and reading the numerous texts the shopkeeper had inside with eager eyes. It was her favorite stop of the day by far.

With the day nearing evening, I finally manage to lure her into one of my own personal favorite shops, a quaint little supply store where I constantly restock my cleaning wares.

Scanning the labels of many possible candidates for my next purchase, I heavily contemplate the pros and cons of each.

"Hey, hand me that yellow bleach bottle again." I ask the woman beside me as I scan the label of the product already in my hands, but after a few moments of no reply I look up and see that she isn't there. "Avian."

I call out to her again and wait for the faint chime of her voice to answer back, but once again I'm greeted with nothing but silence.

'_Fucking hell…'_

Growling with irritation I grudgingly put everything back on their shelves and scan through each aisle of the small shop in search of a swatch of ginger. Once I'm certain that she isn't inside, my irritation spikes even higher.

'_She was fine all day, now she has the gall to just wander off.' _I growl to myself, scowling. _'I knew this trip was going too smoothly.'_

Already prepping a heated curse on my tongue, I sludge outside with the intent of heavily ridiculing her for her irresponsibility, but not even one step out into the street a familiar curtain of ginger catches my eye.

Right outside the door, the very woman I'm looking for crouches in the snow with her back to the wall and head bent down. For a split second I fear that something is wrong, but such a notion is quickly alleviated when I spy movement in her lap. Stepping closer I notice her small hands twittering with an odd assortment of metallic objects, and beside her a small boy, of whom I didn't notice at first, hovers at her shoulder to peer down at her busy fingers.

The kid can't be no more than five or six, bundled up with a good amount of clothing and a hat covering most of his blond haired head, and his attention is so fixed upon whatever Avian is doing that he doesn't even twitch when stop to lean against the wall beside them.

Avian herself is deeply engrossed in her project, bending and connecting small metal pieces with sure-fingered hands, and the longer I watch, the more intrigued I become. I had totally forgotten about the woman's knack for tinkering with mechanical things, and obviously this is just another one of her sessions.

It doesn't take long for her to finish, and with a slight clink and twist the ginger's head lifts.

"That should do it." She announces with a smile to the boy, and in response the boy lets out a gasp and snatches the object from her hands.

Without another word he sets a push toy down in the snow; a metal model in the shape of a dog with four wheels in place of legs, and enthusiastically pushes it across the snow.

"YOU FIXED IT! HIS MOUTH AND TAIL MOVE!" he gasps in complete awe, eyes wide as he pushes the toy along, metal ears and tail wriggling and wagging together.

Beside me Avian laughs.

"Nothing but a worn spring. A simple enough thing to replace, though do be careful to not break it again." She tells him.

The boy nods, shining a bright smile at her, and picks up his toy in his arms in a childish embrace.

"I'll be extra careful!" he announces before turning toward the street to tug the long dress of a woman standing behind him. "Look Mom! She fixed Scraps!"

"She certainly did." The child's mother replies, a thin lady with a brown bun, and she nods to Avian in thanks. "Thank you so much for fixing my son's toy. You didn't have to do that."

"I was happy to help." The ginger happily answers, brushing snow off her pants as she stands. "I have a niche for fixing things, and a child's toy is a simple enough puzzle to solve."

"I see!"

"SCRAPS CAN BARK AGAIN! BARK! BARK! BARK!"

Whatever the mother was about to say is drowned out by her son's loud glee, once again pushing his mechanical dog around in the snow in running circles. Beside me Avian glances at me with sparkling eyes, and she smiles in a way that makes it very obvious she's proud of her deed.

"I apologize, but I just couldn't help myself." She tells me, though such an apology is hardly needed.

In response I shrug.

"At least you stayed by the door. Any farther out and you would have gotten lost, and there is no way I'd waste my time hunting you down."

"I'm not _that_ awful." She pouts back, but it soon breaks back into a grin.

Before I can say anything else, I hear a gasp from right ahead of me, and I turn to see the young boy gazing up at me with the same wide eyes he had before.

"WOAH. I KNOW YOU!" he smiles wildly. "YOU'RE CAPTIAN LEVI!"

In all honesty I don't know whether to be flattered or annoyed at his amazement, made even more problematic when he turns to tug on his mother's dress once again.

"MOM IT'S CAPTIAN LEVI!" he tells her before returning to look up at me again. "YOUR SOOOOO COOOL! YOU'RE LIKE THE STRONGEST PERSON EVERRRRR!"

The kid boldly attempts to reach out to grab at my mantle but I swiftly step away from him as his mother takes his hand.

"Now don't do that, it's rude." She curtly chastises him, then she centers her attention on me. "I'm so sorry about his behavior. He is a bit of a wild child."

"Obviously." I mutter back, not bothering to hide my annoyance as the boy continues to chant my name at the top of his tiny lungs, and after a while more voices drawl into his.

"Captain Levi?" a man from a neighboring shop breaths, gazing over our way, while another man replies, "Here? Don't be stupid. The Corporal has more important things to do than be in town."

The high pitched voice of a woman comes next.

"Is that really him!? Humanity's Strongest!? Doretha, come quick! Captain Levi is in town!"

In a matter of seconds a small crowd has bunched up around us, curious faces peering to gaze at me in vary levels of awe and excitement.

"It really is him!"

"Are you sure? I thought he'd be taller than that…"

"They say that he's as strong as an entire legion by himself!"

"I heard he killed his first titan with his bare hands!"

"Kinda shorter than what I expected when he isn't on a horse."

"Isn't he supposed to be older than that? He's so short…"

"I thought he was a teenager at first, honestly."

More and more passersby voice their numerous comments, and though I've long grown used to their banter a shadow of irritation forces my expression to fall into a narrow scowl.

"Quite the popular man I see." Avian mutters beside me, also peering out into the growing crowd, and I raise a brow at the hint of displeasure in her voice. "Tis a disgrace your admirers have no shame speaking so rudely of you, however. Is that all they gossip about?"

"Apparently." I growl back as the people slightly push each other in attempts to see me for themselves. "They have nothing else better to do in their boring lives."

As if giving him energy, the larger the crowd grows, the more excited the young boy becomes, and breaking away from his mother's hold he dashes back to us, grabbing a handful of our clothes in each chubby hand.

"THIS IS SO COOL!" he repeats himself, eyes shining up at me before turning to look at the woman beside me. "ARE YOU A SOLDIER TOO!?"

"That I am." She replies. "Avian Conner of the Recon Corp."

The boy's mother's head snaps up, and her voice calls out over the drone of the crowd.

"Avian Conner!? The Titan girl!?"

Avian nods, and with that simple gesture the atmosphere of the entire street shifts.

In a flash the mother grabs at her son and yanks him away so fast that he nearly rips our clothing, and her eyes alight with a deadly fire.

"How dare you come here!"

Her growl cuts through the air like a knife, and as one the voices all fall silent.

"Why the hell is she here around people!?" she continues, glaring at me while hugging her son to her breast. "Have you lost your mind!?"

I return the woman's glare with a lethal glare of my own.

"Is there a problem?" I mutter to her darkly.

The woman yells back, "Yes there is a problem! There is a monster among us! She should be locked up in a dungeon somewhere like she was when she first arrived here! Someone as dangerous as she is has no right to be here!"

An instinctual, devastating wave of rage comes over me, coursing hot in my veins, but before I can jump to her defense, Avian's voice pipes up with a surprising amount of strength.

"I have _every_ right." She rebukes the woman, voice both calm and stern at the same time. "You have no just reason to persecute me."

"I have every reason! You can't be trusted around people! You're a Titan Shifter, just like those others!"

At her statement, energy picks back up in the crowd again, and soon enough voices mutter loudly among themselves with an even greater earnest than they had with me.

"A titan shifter? Her?"

"She's so small, it can't be true."

"You're damn right it's true. She's just like that Jeager kid."

"Shouldn't she be inside the capital? What if she transforms!?"

"Quit freaking out! She's on our side for God's sake."

"Maybe she's just like those others; Leonhart and the other two. What if she's a spy?"

"She helped retake Wall Maria!"

"She's a freak!"

"Let the Wall Cult have her!"

"Stop it! That girl has helped save my daughter's life!"

Everything sounds like a roar, growing louder every second as more and more people pour in to grow the crowd inside the narrow street. All faces are centered on the ginger to my side; some are angry, others are amazed, a few show signs of fear, and a many great number merely watch on in curiosity.

Around the pathway a civilization haphazardly divided in opinion surrounds us, bodies pushing and shoving to get closer or farther away from the subject of speculation, and inch by inch the circle shrinks.

My body grows tense.

"I mean no harm." Avian says beside me, to which the mother swiftly rebukes.

"Lies. You aren't even human." She argues sharply.

"I AM human. I was birthed just the same as any other."

"Then how do you have the power to turn into a titan then? You aren't normal, and anything abnormal can't be trusted. All it would take is for you to snap and kill us all!"

"N.. no!" Avian counters, but this time her voice cannot overpower the drawl of the crowd, and I can feel waves of anxiety beginning to come off of her. "Stop. I am but a soldier. I would never…"

She may have been strong before, but now her conviction is swiftly failing. Her speech begins to sound less like commands and more like pleas, and her tiny hand which has instinctively reached up to grasp her hidden necklace begins to quiver.

It seems like hundreds of pairs of eyes glower at us, with the woman and her crying son at its head, and I feel the ginger pull herself closer to my body. I can feel her uncertainty as a wavering hand on my arm.

Without thinking I coax her behind me and grab her hand. The doorway into the shop is just to my right, and with a single, strong pace I pull Avian with me in a swift motion, and in the span of a second we are both inside and I shut the door behind us.

Voices sound outside though what they say is diluted, and when the shopkeeper glances over at us from behind his counter, I hit him with an icy gaze so piercing that he immediately flinches and looks away. Still holding onto her hand, I lead Avian to the very back corner of the shop, hidden behind several walls of shelves, and only once I make certain that the shopkeeper has not followed us do I turn my attention to her.

Physically she is just fine, but I immediately spy signs of strain in the tightness of her jaw, and her entire small body is tense.

I watch her intensely, the woman's gaze still locked in the direction of the door.

"You alright?"

At my voice Avian swallows and makes a small nod. With great effort she breaths out slowly, albeit slightly shaky, and she forces her jaw loose.

"I'm fine." She says quietly at the end of her breath, and after a moment more she gradually leads her head toward me, though her eyes remain fixed upon something on my chest.

At first I don't believe her, eyes narrowing suspiciously, but as seconds tick by I watch as she slowly begins to relax again and her breathing becomes more normal. Only when she feels stable enough does she lift her gaze to mine.

"I'm fine." She repeats, sounding much more steady. "I promise."

I can't help myself; I stare into her eyes, digging, making absolutely certain that she really is as fine as she says she is. I watch for a long time, and though she claims to be alright, a shadow still plays in her gaze.

My eyes stay narrow.

I don't even need speak for her to understand. Releasing another small breath, Avian's eyes fall back down to stare at my chest and a sullen expression pulls at her features.

"Why do I still react like this?" she asks finally, voice nothing more than a whisper. "I try to ignore them and stay calm, honestly I do, yet I always seem to falter and step back into a panic. Why?"

My voice is gruff when I answer.

"Idiocy is difficult to ignore. Those damn bastards love to spread gossip and ridicule things they don't understand." I growl, licks of anger edging my voice. "Like I said before, their hateful asses have nothing better to do."

"Perhaps you are right, but it is not so much their callous comments that wound me so deeply."

At this I raise a brow. What does she mean?

"Their words don't hurt you?" I question.

"They do, but I've slightly learned how to deal with such negativity. I received a good amount of it whenever I went out with James." She explains.

I frown, partially from the mention of that bastard Tugger, as well as the thought that this is nothing new.

'_She did surprise me my speaking up. Usually she's so meek, but she actually stood her ground, kind of. She certainly handles herself better now around large groups of people than she used to. However….'_

She keeps her eyes lowered, and I consider her silently before speaking.

"Their insults aren't the main problem then." I state, and when she gives a slight nod I expand further. "Then what is?"

At this her blue orbs lock with mine again, a muted pair of azure gems, and she merely stares at me until something clicks in my mind.

"The staring."

Once again Avian nods, and I finally understand.

Of course, it's possible for someone as docile as her to learn how to stand her ground, even silently, but the pressure of so many people looking at her….

I can almost feel the heat of all those eyes boring into me again.

'_Stares have never bothered me, yet even _I_ tensed under the heat of scores of gazes. For someone who has lived the majority of her life alone, having so many people stare at her all at one time must have been hell….'_

It's no wonder she crumpled so quickly. For all her effort and determination, one year living in a city just isn't long enough to undo the effects of over a decade of isolation.

'_And there are just some things you don't get over.'_

I won't pretend to fully understand how it feels, because I've never dealt with it. Anxiety just isn't in my nature, so I'll never know just what all it entails, but that doesn't stop a small pang of hurt from blooming in my chest. I may not comprehend it, but I still don't want her to feel that way, to be put in situations that ridicule her for something she had no choice in.

The softness of her hand inside mine from where I still hold it after dragging her in here weighs heavily, and in a spur of the moment, I grasp it tighter, if only slightly.

It's so quiet in here, not even the crowd from before can be heard, and it's easy to make myself believe that there is only us. I find myself unwilling to move, Avian holding my gaze steadily, and I watch in wonder when she gently squeezes my hand back, seeking comfort there no doubt, and the lingering darkness in her eyes begins to melt away.

No words are needed; just me being there seems to be enough.

Familiar heat and tightness play about my ribs along with the new longing feeling from before, and it takes a forceful jolt from my mind to jerk me out of my daze. Hastily I break eye contact with her and release her hand.

Without comment or even much thought behind it, I unbutton the clasp on my mantle and before she can react I unceremoniously toss it at her face.

While she's covered I take the opportunity to draw back a few paces and focus my gaze on some random item on a shelf so she is completely out of view.

"Put the hood up." I order flatly, doing my best to pay her no mind as she uncovers herself. "It'll keep them from staring so much."

"You… you sure? You'll get cold without it." The ginger argues lightly, and I can feel her gaze upon the back of my head.

"Do you want to be stared at again or not." I growl back. "Just shut up and put the damn thing on without questioning why for once. Your questions get on my nerves."

Avian says nothing, continuing to stare. I pointedly keep my face turned away, because I know the moment I look at her she'll do that weird investigating shit that always makes me feel strange. Only when I hear the rustle of fabric and the snap of a clasp do I finally turn back around.

It's a size too big so the hood almost hides half her face when pulled up, but for the most part it works, and there is still enough leeway room for her eyes to glance out just underneath the lip of the hood.

"Get it dirty, you'll have hell to pay." I threaten, hiding behind a hard glare, but just at it has been lately the ginger seems unaffected by my cold tone.

Instead of wilting, she returns my hard glare with a steady gaze, and her eyes almost seem to twinkle when she gives me a small smile.

"Thank you, Levi." She breathes lightly, causing a slight twinge to shoot through my body at the sound of my own name.

I deftly turn away again.

"Just don't cause a scene." I grumble as I stiffly head for the door again, chest pounding faintly.

"I won't." she calls out from behind, scurrying to catch up with me.

Luckily for us the cold must have split up the crowd quickly, because next to no one is on the street as we exit. We waste no time in hurrying away into a narrow, slushy alleyway, and I cross my arms across my chest to fight against the cold.

I don't mind the discomfort though. With a quick glance over my shoulder I'm pleased to see that Avian has done just as I told her too; green mantle clasped tight with the hood pulled up over her head. Because it's so large on her, it does kind of hang off of her in loose curtains, but she remedies this by bundling up the fabric in the neck with her hands and uses it to cover the lower half of her face so only her eyes show.

As I predicted, the getup works surprisingly well thanks to the fabric hiding most of her face. Even while passing through large gatherings, next to no one pays her any attention aside from casting an instinctive glance toward us as we pass, but even then strangers lose interest almost immediately.

Much to her obvious delight, we swiftly make our way through the most congested section of Stohess without incident, and by the time the sun begins to turn the sky pink with evening, we've reached a relatively empty part of town with next to no one in sight.

"Thank goodness." I hear the small woman mutter to herself after a while, temporarily exposing her mouth so she can speak. "I feared someone would still recognize me, even like this."

"You needn't worry." I blandly reply back, pacing forward with my hands in my pockets. "People are surprisingly stupid, and only recognize others when they see them the way they want to see them."

At this Avian lifts the hood just slightly so she can look at me.

"What do you mean by 'the way they want to see them'?"

"I mean that people get accustomed to others looking a certain way, so when someone changes how they look or hide themselves, it's difficult for them to be recognized immediately, even by those they are close to. They associate certain traits with people, like the length of their hair, the way they walk, shit like that, and when those traits are altered or changed completely, it's much more difficult for people to recognize that it's the same person."

The ginger nods in agreement.

"I believe I comprehend what you explain. Is that the reason why you can walk through town like this? I surmised with your grand reputation that you could hardly go anywhere without flocks of people hounding at your heels, but for the majority of our outing, no one seemed to recognize you. How is that so?"

I give her a slight shrug.

"They only care about the soldier on the horse, not the man." I reply shortly.

Avian makes a slight hum in answer and says nothing more, returning to hiding mouth and nose in green fabric.

Walking away from town back towards the Corps headquarters we eventually come to a fork. To our right is the main cobblestone road that makes a beeline for the Corps, and on the left there lies a smaller, though vastly longer, pathway bordering the edge of the river that runs through the city.

Without knowing why, I start down the left path.

"Are we heading back to the base?" Avian questions curiously, to which I nod.

"Taking the scenic route back. I figured since we're so far behind schedule already we might as well go ahead and completely waste more time by taking you by the river. I'm sure you've never seen it before, and it's not like I'm going to get shit done today anyway…" I scowl sarcastically.

"We did stay out much longer than anticipated…"

I merely grunt in reply and make my way toward the river. Soon enough we find ourselves secluded from the rest of the world, pacing down a lone side street right at the edge of the water. Due to the absolutely freezing temperature, ice has collected upon the railing that divides the path from the gorge, and a thin film of it can be seen spreading for a few feet from the banks out into the calm, dark water.

With no people around, the silence is a blessing after spending the past hours caught in the busy market, and due to the lack of people who walk here that covers the ground is more or less unmarred, giving the area a pristine white appearance.

While we walk, nothing along the path is interesting enough to hold my attention, so I automatically take to watching the woman beside me once more. Just as she has done all day, she gazes at everything around her, spending a good deal of time just watching the river beside us flow. Even a few paces ahead of me, I can hear the soft wisps of a tune escape her lips, and I listen to it earnestly. I always was kind of drawn to her humming for some dumb reason.

Both of us seem to get lost in our own thoughts; Avian admiring the winter world around us while I admire her. For a moment, I believe that we will make it back without incident, as we've had enough of those already today, but not too long after I think that, I hear it.

At almost the same time Avian's head kind of jerks to attention and her eyes lock in the direction of the noise. I see her almost freeze, a look of disbelief on her face, then very subtly a mix of wonder and sheer excitement sparkle in her eyes.

I realize a moment too late what she's about to do, and thus the second I reach out to stop her the woman is already gone.

"Avian!"

I call out and swiftly give chase, inwardly cursing. The woman is only a few steps ahead of me, but amazingly I underestimate just how fast she can be. It's been so long that I completely forgot just how swift the woman is even though it's her only notable athletic attribute, and even with the large white sack filled with supplies bounding across her shoulders the best I can do is keep up with her as she sprints toward the sound.

The river and buildings pass by us in a blur, and with each step the sound grows louder and louder. At some point the wind blows Avian's hood off, exposing a stream of ginger locks flying in the wind as she speeds ahead.

Only when we find the origin of the sound do I finally catch up to her.

"Fuck. What the hell was that?" I curse angrily. "Going and just running off like a fucking idiot…. What the hell did I say about staying close to me?"

I move to pin an icy glare at her, but the moment my eyes land upon her face my frustration almost instantly melts away.

She stands only a few feet away from me, body heaving for breath under the weight of her sack. Ginger hair lays in untidy windblown locks about her face, some strands sticking to her cheeks and forehead, and though her face is flushed pink with exertion and cold her expression is one I've never seen before.

I thought I'd seen her happy, but what I see now over-rules all that I've witnessed. Her eyes are two wide sapphires gleaming in utter admiration, mouth hanging open both in part from catching of breath as well as wonder, and together the two create such a look of undiluted captivation that I'm struck by the rawness of it.

Within a few feet of her sits a simply dressed, middle-aged man clothed in winter trousers, a thick leather overcoat, fingerless gloves, and woolen toboggan leaning against the railing. That by itself is nothing of wonder, but of course it is what he holds in his hands that has the woman fixated.

Seemingly unaware of our sudden appearance the man continues to play, strumming out a wholesome melody on his guitar that somehow appears to make the air around him sound warm. It's a rare thing, music, something of which I haven't heard in years, and it's effect upon me is almost instantaneous.

I'm not out of breath, but I feel my body relax to the tune and an ease comes about me as I listen. Unfortunately we must have come too late, for only a minute passes by before the man strums a final note.

Upon completion he shifts to gaze up at us and gives makes a smile.

"Like what ya hear?" he asks lightly, mist billowing from his mouth into the cold.

Ahead of me Avian nods.

"It was most beautiful." She breathes, looking as if she still can't believe what she is seeing. "Tis a shame we… we arrived too late."

The man chuckles.

"Now don't sound like that. I wasn't expecting an audience, but I don't mind playing a little more if ya like me to."

"No, you're fine. You don't have too for…"

"Eh, don't worry 'bout it." The man interrupts her. "I've still got a couple more in me."

At this Avian's eyes light up, and without speaking she turns toward me.

At first I don't respond, confused by her awe-struck behavior. I know she's quite the music lover and all, but full out sprinting…? That isn't like her, and to ignore me so easily like that, what the hell gives? Why would some random guy on the street playing a guitar invoke such a strong reaction?

Then I remember.

'_Her brother and father used to play the guitar…' _I realize. _'She used to talk all the time of how they would come together as a family every night and play music and sing together. That's where she learned all her folksongs from.'_

Guitar music reminds her of them. And it's probably been years since she last heard one played.

After a few seconds in which I marvel in my sudden understanding I give her a single, curt nod.

The woman smiles broadly and immediately turns back to the man

"We would love to hear some more."

"Well alrighty then…"

Adjusting himself in the snow, the man takes up his guitar again and, after plucking a few test strings, begins to play again.

The song is more upbeat than the last and for some reason it's melody make me think of summertime. The notes are vibrant and well played, each strummed with much care and practiced ease. It's a wonder how his fingers can even function enough to play the instrument in this cold weather, but as far as I can tell neither the temperature nor the snow on which he sits bothers him. I admit that I admire his skill. I've never touched an instrument myself, but I've always appreciated the art. Back in the Underground it was a way to create a release, somehow make a hope for ourselves in that shithole. It's uplifting, promising, _free…_.

Hearing it I almost want to get lost in watching him play, but my attention is caught on something far more beautiful and meaningful than a damn guitar.

Just how many times in one day can I be stunned by how gorgeous Avian is?

I've never seen anyone look fantastically peaceful. She's taken on the aura of someone who has never known sadness or death, who can find magnificence in anything they wish to, who can see and understand things of which are invisible to the eye. Without her even looking at me my breath nearly stops and heat blossoms unrestrained in my ribs.

Shining bright as a fire in the dying evening light, soft ginger locks caress her fair complexion, playing shadows upon her freckled cheeks. Above them, those bright sapphires gleam stronger than ever between dark lashes, a distant look of pure bliss coloring them in a way that's both awe inspiring and alluring in its abundance. Below her mouth is relaxed, lips slightly parted in unspoken wonder, and it is there that my eyes stop.

I've never really looked at them before, but as I do so now I muse if they feel as soft as they look. All at once that longing sensation from earlier in the day rises in me, stronger in its need than before, and I stare at those lips almost desperately.

'_I want to kiss them….'_

I jerk to a stop so hard it feels like I got punched in the gut.

'_What the fuck.'_

I'm stunned at myself, and I'm thankful that the man and Avian are both busy looking elsewhere because I feel my eyes widen slightly of their own accord at my sudden shock.

'_NO.' _I rebuke myself firmly. _'What the hell am I thinking!? I've lost my whole damn mind! She's a subordinate. It's completely illicit. No way in hell should I be thinking of shitty things like that.'_

But in my mind I can only envision those lips aimed toward me; smiling, laughing, singing, and I imagine myself brushing a light finger over them….

'_NO!'_

This time a rush of anger drowns out my thoughts and forcibly extinguishes the heat in my chest. I've got to stop. I've gone over this before hundreds of times; I can't love her and do my job at the same time. Humanity MUST come first, no matter what.

Anger at myself hardening my features into a deep grimace, I call out to the woman.

"Avian, let's go." I bark harshly which causes the ginger to start and whirl toward me.

"But the song…." She begins, eyes losing their wondrous glow, and though it kills me I force myself to glare at her and ignore it.

"No buts."I growl back. "I've been out here all fucking day and I want to go back, so we're going. That's an order."

I hate myself, I hate acting like this to her, but it's necessary.

Obviously hearing the unarguable tone in my voice Avian's face falls, and behind her the man stops playing when she speaks to him.

"Thank you so much for your time, but we must go."

"Well thank ya for listening." He replies back quickly.

For a moment he looks at me with an expression unreadable, but just as quickly as he did it's gone and he plasters a smile on his face and nods goodbye to Avian as she makes her way to me.

"Take care!" he calls out behind us as we head off. "And Happy Holidays!"

"Y… yeah…" Avian awkwardly answers back.

Having already turned away, I'm quite a distance down the path from the man before I hear the crunching steps of the woman behind me catching up. Neither of us say anything for a good while, Avian walking beside me with her eyes focused on the ground while I pace with clenched fists hidden in my pockets and steely gaze glaring heatedly forward. Eventually, however, and only once the guitar playing man is well out of sight, does the silence break.

"You're angered…."

Her voice isn't mellow, but neither is it loud, sounding more like a flat statement of fact more than anything else.

I reply back with a gruff growl.

"We've been out far longer than needed and wasted all my time. I'm supposed to be thrilled about that?" I strike sharply.

The ginger says nothing for a good few paces, nothing but crunching of snow to break up the monotony, then she shifts.

"Levi, who are the Holidays?"

At her question I turn a narrow eye.

"The Holidays?"

"Yes." Avian nods. "Here recently, I've noticed quite a buzz happening about the Corps and, apparently, in town as well. I constantly hear people mentioning that 'the Holidays are coming', and an odd festive energy has come about the army. Are they referring to a noble family of sorts? And the phrase 'Happy Holidays', is that an idiom for something I don't comprehend?"

I blink.

'_She can't be serious…'_

You'd have to be a complete dumbass to believe such an idiotic thing, yet when I fully turn to her with my brows naturally furrowing, I see no jest in her features, only honest curiosity.

'_Does this woman really not know __**anything**__!?'_

I don't know whether I should be surprised, exasperated, or just annoyed; perhaps a mix of all three. Despite this, I do my best to keep my voice level and bland, though such a task is difficult at the moment.

"It isn't people." I begin dully, "It's a term used to describe this time of the year were civilians normally hold celebrations. That is where the phrase 'Happy Holidays' comes from."

"Oh." Avian blinks beside me. "I was mistaken. Just what do your people celebrate?"

"Whatever the hell we want really. Most celebrate just Christmas and the New Year, though those of different backgrounds have other holidays they celebrate as well."

"Is this always done every year?"

"More or less, depending."

The ginger makes a humming kind of noise.

"I believe I remember reading something about this in a tome once. I've no knowledge if such festivals described in them are even real, but they were always written to be very important events. Are such holidays important here as well? I don't recall such festivities occurring this past year's end…. Why is that so?"

"Why are you so interested?" I growl back automatically, my foul mood causing me to become easily irritated by her constant questions, but I force out a curt reply. "I guess they're important if you want them to be. Some families celebrate, others don't. And as for why…"

At this I glare ahead, focusing my gaze upon the ever present shadow of Wall Rose looming in the distance miles away.

"…A bunch of shit happened back then: The failed 57th Expedition, the battle between Eren and Annie, those three shifters managing to escape, Wall Rose being breached…. The reason why you never saw anything is because no one felt like celebrating."

Avian is quiet for a long time, pushing through the winter snow with her eyes focused on something I cannot see. Eventually she comes back too, and adjusts the white supply sack across her shoulders.

"May you tell me about the holiday you mentioned? Christmas, was it called? What do you do?"

I shrug.

"Eat. Drink. Most people give gifts to each other…."

"Gifts? What kind of gifts?"

"How the hell would I know? Anything I guess, as long as it's something someone wants."

The woman frowns slightly up at me.

"You sound as if you are uncertain…."

I shrug again.

"Don't care to celebrate."

"Why?"

"What reason do I have to?"

It's such a simple statement, but unknowingly years of exhaustion, pain, and lost seep into my words and I see Avian visibly pick up on the underlying meaning of it.

Once again the air between us grows silent.

Seconds tick by, then Avian raises her head.

"These gifts…" she begins, obviously trying to dispel the sudden heavy atmosphere. "…Do they have to be bought? Or can they be handmade?"

"Either is fine." I answer and raise a knowing brow at her ginger hair. "You want to get something for the others, don't you?"

The woman inclines her head.

"I do not know about this event, as I've never heard of it before, but if it is permissible I'd much love to partake in it."

I keep my eye on her for another moment, then let out an acknowledging grunt, to which Avian smiles.

'_Don't know how she'll come up with something in three days, but whatever.'_

Nothing else is discussed the rest of the way to the Corps, both of us splitting to go about our own business. Finishing up after spending a good half hour or so shuffling about my office organizing and rearranging my belongings to accommodate the new supplies we had bought, I sigh, slightly looking forward to being able to sit down for a while after a long day of walking, and reach to take off my mantle.

'_Eh?'_

Confusion crosses my features for only a fraction of a second before I remember, and a frown once again takes its place.

'_Of course, she still has it.' _I mentally groan.

Un-amused by this sudden setback I grudgingly put my resting on hold and trudge my way over to the sleeping quarters building. Finding the room she shares with Petra I knock on the door.

"Come in!"

I obey the invitation and enter to find Avian alone, fussing over some things on a desk. When I shut the door behind me she looks up.

"Oh, Levi. I was not expecting you. Is there something you need of me?" she asks, pausing in her work.

Without speaking I nod toward her shoulders.

Avian follows my eye and lets out a chirp of realization.

"Your mantel!"

The woman swiftly undoes the clasp and hurriedly rushes it to me.

"I gravely apologize for keeping it! I forgot it was still about my shoulders!" she apologizes earnestly as a hint of pink from embarrassment tinges her cheeks. "I thank you for letting me wear it. It was very much appreciated."

I accept the article and gruffly reply.

"It kept those prudish villagers from harassing us; that's all I care about." I lie smoothly, turning away. "Don't expect me to do it again."

"As I would much expect from you. Here's to hoping that another such situation shall not arise." She nods in acceptance, blush swiftly fading away. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No."

Avian hums in answer.

"Then I shall leave you to it."

At her dismissal I turn, just as she does to return to her desk, but before I step out the door I cast a glance toward her workspace in mild curiosity. What I find there is unexpected.

"Knives?"

Avian responds to my sudden question with a short nod of her head, and turns to look at me inquisitively while holding one of the sharp objects in hand.

"Yes…? Is there something wrong?"

I maintain a tone of utter boredom.

"No, I just didn't suspect you to be the kind of person to keep weapons in her room." I bluntly reply, to which the woman shakes her head.

"They are not weapons. Technically…." She elaborates, giving the knife in her hand a showy twirl with a surprising amount of skill. "These are carving knives."

"Carving?"

It is then that I take notice of the several blocks of wood around the size of my head sitting either on the desk or on the floor, and I have a flash of memory.

For a split second I see in my mind's eye the interior of Avian's home in the woods, the warm living room with its fireplace, rocking chair, and large coffee table made entirely out of the trunk of a tree. And in the corner sits a table, every inch of its surface covered in a multitude of wooden sculptures ranging in size, shape, subject matter, and skill.

'_I'd completely forgotten.'_

It's just a minor detail, but this renewed fact ignites a small spark of interest as well as giving me the answer to my question earlier this evening.

"You're going to hand-make sculptures to give out at Christmas." I state, and the ginger nods once again.

"Tis the only thing I could think of that I could procure in time for the holiday. " she explains, "Plus, it has been much too long since I last practiced my craft, and my hands have been itching to create ."

I make a grunt in answer, enough of a reply to spur the woman into returning to rearranging her array of knives, all tipped with differently shaped blades, most of which I couldn't being to tell how to use.

Satisfied, the ginger pulls up and seat and picks up one of the wooden blocks and holds it in her lap, inspecting it. I assume my gaze is too much for her to ignore, because it isn't long before she looks back up at me again.

She's silent at first, looking as if she is struggling to figure out what to say before finally finding her words.

"Would… would you like to watch?"

I withhold my answer, acutely aware that I'm not entirely sure. I yearn to return to my office in hopes of getting at least a tidbit of rest, yet my legs stay rooted to where they are.

After some time in which I don't answer her, Avian grows pink under my steady stare and turns away. Without word she pointedly tries to ignore my presence and takes up a knife.

From there, I merely lean against the door frame, arms crossed, and watch as magic takes place.

It begins with only a couple notches placed seemingly randomly along all sides of the block, but it only takes moments for Avian to find her rhythm, and once she does the creation of her own molding comes to life. Thin shavings begin littering the desk and the floor, but I hardly take notice of the growing mess, interest focused to heavily upon watching those delicate hands wielding the tools of her trade so easily.

Years of experience show in her confident movements, the ginger unhesitatingly drawing sharp blade across wood without fear. It seems to come so naturally to her, it's fascinating. She looks so relaxed and in her element, and it almost seems as if she's so skilled that she hardly even has to think about what she is doing. Her knowledge is ingrained, borderline instinctual, wielding those knives as easily as I can wield titan blades.

"Not bad."

The compliment slips out before I realize that I'd even spoken, and both Avian and I react to it in unison, though unlike her I cloak my surprise with a dull expression.

"Thank you." She softly replies, and I spy a tinge of pink returning to her cheeks before she turns away. "I've had many years of practice."

"It shows."

The woman tils her head in such a way that her bangs hide most of her face, and I find a slight amusement in how she pointedly keeps her gaze focused forward.

"Tis nothing that special…." I barely hear her mutter before she shifts and continues on in a louder voice. "Both my father and mother agreed that I had a knack for working with my hands, even at a young age, so it seemed only natural to them that woodworking would be no exception. It was my father who taught me first. I believe I've told you before that he was a carpenter once before becoming a teacher of history, and he sought to pass on the skill to my brothers and I."

"He didn't do too bad of a job." I comment lightly.

Avian nods.

"He was an exemplary instructor, though I dare say that my skill in trade-work carpentry is not admirable by any means. Unlike Rom and Tol who took to the skill well enough, I always seemed more endowed in the area of artistic woodworking, thus I began carving."

At this point the ginger shifts so I can see her face again, and a light smile pulls at her lips.

"I remember those days so clearly…. The many hours I'd spend at a table or in the grass just carving away under the proud watch of my mother's eye. I loved the challenge of it; bringing out a moving form resembling a living being from something that is static, inanimate. I started small, with simple things such as flora and certain insects, but as I grew older the creations I made became larger and more elaborate. Everything I've ever seen in my time living around that quaint house became my subject, almost as if even back then I wished to immortalize the place of which had grown so dear to my heart. I loved every aspect of my birthplace; I still do, and picking up the knife again brings back such vivid memories of the land where I grew up that I almost feel that if I closed my eyes and opened them again, I would somehow be there."

Throughout her explanation I watch her, wondering over the amount of nostalgia in her voice, and not for the first time do I take notice of just how much love she still has for her home in those distant woods, and for the family that used to live with her there.

The ginger continues to carve mark after mark into her wood, creating the semblance of a shape though I have no idea what the shape is yet, and her blue eyes turn toward me.

"What of you?"

I stare back at her.

"What of me?"

"What did you used to do where you grew up?" she asks. "You lived somewhere near here, correct?"

I'm honestly a bit surprised at her question, and without meaning too I instinctively narrow my eyes and remain quiet as I think about just how to reply to her. I've never had anyone ask me about my past so directly like that, and an inner struggle wages over what sort of action I need to take. Do I answer? Do I lie? Do I remain quiet? Ignore her completely? No choice seems to be the obvious right one, but before I can ponder my dilemma further Avian starts.

"Oh, I apologize!" she announces, seeming appalled at herself for some reason. "I forgot that you do not appreciate inquiries concerning personal matters. I should have known better than to impose such a question upon you, I apologize again. Pay me and my forgetfulness no mind."

And just like that the turns away again, brushing away her curiosity as if it isn't important, and for a reason I can't exactly place her retraction bothers me.

Is it awful that she automatically recalled her curiosity in anticipation that I wouldn't bother to answer her? That particular notion strikes me like a knife in the chest, and I'm forced to consider myself.

'_Am I so closed off that she automatically believes that I won't answer her questions?'_

That isn't fair. She's made it very clear to me that she has no qualms with sharing her life story with me, and over the many months where we've talked together in my office, it seems like I know about her, her past, and her family almost as well as she does herself. Avian always speaks about her brothers, or her hobbies as a child, precious memories that he shares so easily, even to someone like me…. And here I have been not saying anything in return. I've told her a little about myself, but really… she knows nothing at all. Just as she said, I've always avoided answering questions about my past because I never felt the need to share so, nor did I wish to bother myself with such melancholy memories. But such a thing simply isn't fair. Avian _chose_ to tell me about herself, even the things of which she would obviously rather forget. I know very well about the loss of her family, of her many years of solitude with nothing but a stallion for company, yet even as heavy as those memories are, she told me anyway, because she wanted me to know.

'_And I've never thought about doing the same.'_

I've pretty much been nothing more than a secretive asshole and I suddenly hate myself for being that way. But at the same time, I loath to tell her of something so private. Oddly enough, a small ball of what feels like apprehension tugs at me, and I suddenly realize that it isn't so much the sharing of the information that has me on edge as it is wondering how the woman beside me will take it. Vaguely, I wonder if things will change once she knows about the Levi before Humanity's Strongest, Levi before the Recon Corps. I'm fully aware that my life is full of shit, and I'm also aware that it is very well possible that my past may very well put her off from me completely.

She doesn't know about the things I've done, the places I've lived, the kind of lifestyle I had to take in order to survive. She doesn't know anything about me aside from the Corporal I'm expected to be. The way it stands once she knows, she'll either alter her behavior around me, or she'll cut herself off from me completely. There can't be any in-between; I don't think that even someone as empathetic an understanding as she is can understand.

'_But she deserves to know.' _I remind myself. _'If she becomes horrified of me, then so be it. I tried. I have to take the chance; It's all about taking chances for me now….'_

Avian has well forgotten about her question, going about creating new wood shavings to litter the floor as if my blatant disregard for her curiosity doesn't bother her. She must have been certain that I would remain silent, because when I speak up she jumps.

"I wasn't born here. Not exactly."

Blue orbs round into mine, and I force myself to hold them for a few seconds before turning to look at the wall. After a handful of silent heartbeats, the woman pipes up softly.

"What do you mean by 'not exactly'?"

I keep my eyes carefully away, and it takes a surprising amount of effort to force out a reply.

"Have you ever heard of the Underground City?"

From my peripheral Avian shakes her head.

"Sometime long ago, there was a plan for humanity to live underground, in a city right below where most of where Sina sits." I explain. "To make a long story short, the plan went to shit. Instead of living underground, all the wealthy and working class people went back up top to live surrounded by big ass walls, while everyone else was forced to stay. Over time, it became a breeding ground for society's lowest class; criminals, deadbeats, alcoholics, drug addicts… every nobody, whore, orphan, and whoever the hell else couldn't survive up top came to call that hell hole home."

I can feel Avian's eyes upon me, listening intently.

"Why do you tell me about such a thing?" she asks, and I shrug.

"You asked where I grew up."

I sense her eyes narrow slightly in perplexity.

"There? But it sounds so…."

She never finishes her sentence.

"Not everyone is lucky enough to be born into a life of prosperity." I interject, much sharper than I intended, and I scowl at myself.

At the edge of my vision, the ginger mimics my scowl.

"You lived there with your family?"

"If you can even call it that."

She doesn't need to verbalize her next question because I can already tell just what she is going to ask.

"I don't know who my father is. I had a mother, but she was barely there. All I really remember is her leaving every night wearing the same skimpy dress and not coming back until early in the morning looking like shit."

It doesn't bother me about how bland and dismissive my voice is regarding my parents, if you can call them that, but apparently my drab tone strikes a cord with the woman for she pressures on.

"You sound as if you don't care about them."

"That's because I don't. Is that really that surprising to you?"

At this she looks down.

"I… just assumed that all children had a positive relationship with their parents like I did."

"Not all kids have parents that care."

"But your mother… she took care of you, right?"

"I guess, as best she could. She worked a lot, but that work was disgraceful, and it barely paid well enough for us to eat."

"At least that is something…. She must have really loved you to have worked so hard for so little."

I shrug.

"I guess. She didn't stick around long enough for me to find out."

Once again Avian copies my scowl.

"What happened to her?"

Before I can begin to shape an answer, a piercing image engulfs my mind. Just like that time so long ago when Avian helped me with my strained shoulder after I had to save Tucker's dumbass from killing himself, the brutal image of a woman hanging by her neck from a rope comes to the forefront of my mind, and I glare against it.

It isn't often that I think of my mother, but in the rare cases I do, a sharp pain digs into my ribs and the sight of her lifeless body hanging from the ceiling is the only real memory I have remaining about her.

The jabbing in my side causes my throat to close up momentarily, making me essentially mute for a few moments. I despise remembering her, remembering her weakness, but when I glide my eyes over to where a pair of bright blue ones wait, I know that no matter how painful or how much I don't want to, Avian deserves an explanation. It's only right since she has done the same for me.

Taking a pause to collect myself, I coax the tightness in my throat away before I answer her.

"The strain from having to take care of the both of us got too much." I begin lowly, my voice barely a breath on the wind. "She hung herself when I six."

Silence like the sharp edge of a heavy dagger turns the air into a cutting atmosphere of immense gravity. I can feel the weight of my response as a physical burden upon my body and to my side Avian now sits completely stoic, the blade in her hand still and her eyes hidden behind a wall of ginger locks.

Neither of us speaks for a very long time.

After what feels like years, a whisper glides into the quiet. It's so soft that I don't pick it up, and when I turn to her in question, she keeps her hidden eyes focused upon the still wooden block in her hands.

"You're like me…." She repeats, and I'm startled by the amount of sadness I hear in her voice. "You had to do most of your growing on your own…."

It hurts; oh God does her voice hurt. It is at times like these that her vast capacity for empathy is best shown, and knowing that it is the reality of my past making her feel this way just makes the pain stabbing in my chest hurt even more.

I hadn't anticipated the fact that telling her about my mother would make her upset, and I almost wish I had never said anything at all. I want to say something, comforting people has never been one of my strong suits. How do you go about helping someone who is upset over your own story anyway?

My own pain from remembering the tragic end of the only parent I knew is long gone, overshadowed by the instinctive need to put Avian's feelings before my own; to protect her from whatever hurts her heart, even if it is myself. It's an odd sensation, one I've never experienced before. I can only guess that this is just a part of caring for someone. Now that I've come to terms with the fact that I'm in love with her, I guess it is only natural for me to be more concerned for her than myself.

'_But that still doesn't help me…' _

Standing there, I inwardly growl at my own uselessness, mind floundering to figure how to go about comforting the ginger, but due to love being a new sensation to my otherwise blunt and cold personality, I'm left utterly blank.

'_Maybe I should just move on?' _I ponder. _'From what I've seen, whenever something bad happens, Avian always goes on as if it never happened.'_

With no other ideas in mind, I straighten my back against the door frame and shift my folded arms.

"I wasn't completely alone." I break the silence, doing my best to sound casual.

At the desk a ginger head lifts up just enough for eyes to peer between sweeping bangs.

"After my mother died, a man named Kenny took me in. He knew my mother somehow, and though he wasn't much of a parent, he did teach me how to survive down there, which I guess is the best he could do." I continue, keeping a careful eye on Avian to watch her expression.

I can barely see the woman's eyes narrow slightly, reading in between the lines.

"He taught you to do things..." she begins lowly, and without specifying exactly I know automatically what she is insinuating.

Silence takes us then as I feel the ginger investigate me as she always does. After a few moments, she speaks again.

"What all did you do?"

I turn my gaze away and reply in a flat baritone.

"Whatever I had to."

"I see..."

Breaths pass, air at a standstill, and I can't help but tense up. I would give anything to know what she is thinking; is she disgusted? Afraid? Her usually open and expressive face is completely stoic, pondering over this new information.

"Those people..." she eventually picks up again in the same low voice. "... you had no other option, right?"

At this she lifts her eyes again to meet mine.

"Tell me that there was no other choice, truly no other; that you did not just take their lives on a whim."

I wish I could tell her different, to live up to whatever expectations she has of me, but deep inside I know that she'll accept nothing but the truth. She deserves to know the truth.

Words stiffly force themselves out of my lips.

"I was a different man back then." I tell her shortly, and by the look she gives me, that is all she needed to hear.

I witness all manner of things play across her, and I can't blame her for any of it. It's a difficult thing to come to terms with; finding out your prized Corporal is a thief, a murderer. Even I myself have trouble with dealing the reality of it sometimes.

I don't regret what I've done, not really. I don't feel awful about taking men's lives. I don't hate myself, but that doesn't mean that I'm not aware of the severity of what I've done.

"I did what I had to.…" I mutter aloud, gaining the woman's attention. "Even back then I was determined to survive, no matter what. I wasn't going to die a pathetic death like my mother."

"So that is what you did then…" Avian states lowly. "… you killed so that you may live."

It's still impossible for me to read her, but I'm surprised to note how calm she is.

"Yes, among other things. Kenny didn't stick around for very long, so after he left I began taking up odd jobs, and I did whatever they wanted as long as they paid me. That's how I lived; doing other peoples dirty work."

Avian lets out a small hum in response.

"'There is a real sense of desperation when you grow up in poverty'…." I barely hear her whisper, sounding almost as if she is reciting a quote from memory.

She does not sound approving, but nor does she seem to condemn. An odd air sits about her, one I recognize as someone who knows all too well the dark realities this world contains, and I witness the evidence of her processing this information as physical manifestations in her features.

A few more seconds of silence pass before she finally seems to come to some sort of conclusion and resumes taking knife to wood.

"What happened after those years?" she asks off-handedly, obviously wishing to move on to which I oblige.

"Nothing much, just surviving." I state bluntly.

"By yourself?"

"Not entirely."

A wordless question hangs in her eyes, and I have to take a moment to collect my thoughts before I answer.

"After a while I ended up with two others." I start, the words difficult in forming.

"What were their names?"

For some reason syllables come out as sharp notes.

"Farlan Church… and Isabel Magnolia."

Just saying their names is enough to bring back vivid memories, and a grip of pain twists my chest. The woman keeps one eye on her work and the other on me, waiting patiently until I continue.

"It all happened by accident. Farlan was the leader of another group known in the Underground. One day he saw fit to challenge me by fighting his own men to see if I was someone he could recruit. Long story short and since I never understood his reasoning over such a shitty decision, he ended up joining me instead."

"What type of person was he?"

"A normal one. Calm, focused, a pretty good natural born leader."

"Did you two get along?"

"I guess you could say that. Over time I came to respect his intuition and decisions, and in turn he respected mine."

The ginger nods, somehow still able to keep shaving off slivers of wood even though it looks as if all her attention is on me.

" And what of Isabel? What was she like?"

The first words out of my mouth form out of habitual reaction.

"Annoying as hell."

My phrasing is harsh, but in this rare instance my meaning is not insulting.

"She was young, irritatingly cheerful, and headstrong, but she wasn't that bad. She helped out Farlan and I on our jobs and kept things from getting too boring." I continue in an equally bland voice, though alongside the pain inside my chest a slight flicker of warmth grows.

"How did you meet her?"

"I found her, nothing but a pathetic corpse among filth. I gave her food and a place to stay, and she never left."

At this a twinge of a smile plays on Avian's face, and I turn to narrow my eyes at her.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." She shakes her head. "It's just… I'm not surprised."

I raise a brow.

"About what?"

"Helping her. It sounds exactly like what you would do." She explains. "I always surmised that you were truly a kind man at heart."

I let out a harsh scoff in reply.

"If you believe that then you're just as insane as Zoe." I mutter.

"We are not insane. Observant." She corrects.

I scoff again but decide to say nothing more on the subject.

"So, you all worked together." She continues, leaving her previous comments behind. "Did they partake in the same kinds of… jobs… as you?"

"No, those I left for myself, and once they joined there was never many of those kinds of jobs anyway. They usually just went along with whatever I did be it delivering parcels, escorting, stealing, spying... whatever the hell people would pay us for."

"Did you never get in trouble?"

At that a single, sharp huff that I can only assume to be a sarcastic laugh escapes me.

"There was never a day that we didn't have someone on our asses."

"How were you able to keep them from apprehending you or the others?"

"Simple. We could fly."

The woman beside me visible perks in interest at the word, and I answer her question before she even asks it.

"We used gears on our jobs." I explain. "It made us quicker, more agile, and since Farlan, Isabel, and I were the only ones who had them, no one could touch us, not even the MP's."

For only a split second my mind shifts and I can almost feel the tug of damp wind buffing my body just as it always did back then.

"So the Military Police were after you as well?" Avian ponders. "Did they really want to detain you that earnestly?"

"They hated our guts."

"Why?"

"We stole their gears."

"Levi!"

Avian looks both in awe and exasperated.

"Tis no wonder you had to run. Why did you do something like that? You must have known the consequences of such an act."

"I did, and so did Farlan and Isabel. The problem is, is that none of us cared. Those gears made our jobs easier and the MP's sure as hell weren't using them, so we took them off their hands." I shrug, unbothered. "It was entertaining watching those pigs fly trying to catch us. I heard that the gears we stole were made especially for them; reinforced with extra strong metal and higher tension cables to compensate for the weight of their engorged egos. They even came with extra leather straps to accommodate their beer guts."

I cannot explain the expression on the ginger's face now, and though my own is stony a twinge of amusement pulls at my insides.

Without further word Avian slightly shakes her head and gives me a joking roll of her eyes before turning back to her sculpture.

"So you and two friends made a living out of being abhorrent delinquents and flitting about a city upon stolen goods like pompous nuisances, essentially."

I give another shrug.

"I think Isabel would prefer the term 'aggressive opportunists'."

She rolls her eyes once again, this time with a slight smile before falling back into ponder.

"There is one thing I do not understand. If the Military regarded you as negatively as you suggest, then how did you end up here?"

"Erwin."

"Oh, how so? Was he commander back then as well?"

I shake my head.

"No, that was Keith Shadis. Erwin was directly under him, serving as squad leader at the time."

"Did he recruit you?"

"No. He arrested us."

The woman turns a blue eye to me.

"Arrested? But you just said…."

"The _MP's _couldn't catch us." I correct. "Whenever some big-time market honcho got his boxers in a knot, it was always the MP's they called to deal with us. It never did shit considering we were more skilled using the gear than they were, and we knew the Underground like the back of our hand. However, after one particular job someone decided to switch things up, and it was Erwin, Mike, and their squad they sent. It was my mistake that we got caught. I under estimated their skill, and it wasn't long before they caught Isabel and Farlan and used them to make me give in. Erwin was the one who interrogated us. He was interested in how we got our gears, and if we learned how to use them from someone or if we were self taught. Once he was done with questions, instead of handing us over the MP's, he offered me a deal."

Avian watches me intently, absorbing every word.

"Deal?"

"He was impressed by our proficiency using the gear, and offered to dismiss all of our crimes, and give us full citizenship on the surface. In exchange, we would lend him our strength and serve in the Recon Corps."

"And you accepted."

"I did."

A pause falls on us, and after a few heartbeats with no reaction I turn my attention to the ginger. She is oddly quiet, hands still, and I focus in on her eyes which gaze at something very far away.

A burning flares up in the back of my throat, tightening it, and I force myself to glare at the floor, suddenly highly aware of a painful hollow in my chest.

We mull over the implications of my statement together in silence for a long time.

After what seems like forever, Avian's voice hums into the air.

"They were good people."

I turn to her and narrow my eyes.

"You don't know them."

"I don't need to."

Her comment confuses me, and she casts a thoughtful, heavy look to me.

"If they were cherished friends to you, that means they have to be good."

For a reason I can't explain, her words pierce me.

'_She understands without me saying a word.'_

I wait for her to say something more but she keeps silent, instead giving me a slight, empathetic smile.

I can't help but stare as a powerful force takes me then, the very same one that hit me not to long ago when I watched her enjoy the music played by the man by the river. Immediately I defend myself by hardening my expression and letting out an irritated growl.

Before she can react I sling the mantle in my arms over my shoulder and open the door.

"Since I know she'll come find you eventually, tell Hanji to get her shit sometime today otherwise I'm getting my money back."

"A… alright." The woman stutters back at my abruptness, then jumps. "We forgot to get you a new tea set."

I wave her off.

"I'll get a new one once all this holiday crap is over with. The ones we saw were ugly anyway."

Without waiting for a reply I stalk out, shut the door behind me, and make my way back to my office all the while the powerful force reverberates in my chest.

'_Shit.'_

Be it a combination of the gravity of the conversation we just had coupled with my own over reacting heart or just sheer exhaustion from the day, once I return to my office and sit down, I do nothing but stare into the space ahead of me.

A whirlwind of thoughts bombard my mind, creating a haze that makes it difficult for me to think. I don't really understand what just happened, or how it even came to be. It just… did. I didn't wake up today intending on saying what I said to her; that is usually information reserved for no one besides myself. But I took a chance.

I'm glad I did.

***Author's note will be in the next chapter***


	28. Want

Chapter 25:

**Want**

"Ah not bad, not bad at all! And it's the right size too. You must have been staring at me more than usual to get that right."

"Of course not. You're pretty average in size, so most shirts would fit you anyways. Stop trying to turn this into something it's not."

"It's still an odd choice of gift for a teammate, unless it's for something more…."

"Don't put that on me. I bought Eld and Gunther similar things as well."

"You don't have to act to high and mighty. I don't even know why you're looking so offended. Just think of this as practice for when…."

"I'm not marrying you."

"Come on Petra, don't be like that. It'll happen, you'll see! I'm a man of my word, and there's nothing that you can…. Oi Petra, hey! Put that….!"

_***SPLAT***_

Eld and Gunther can barely contain their laughter as Petra retakes her seat with an indignant huff.

"Insufferable pig…." She mutters, casually wiping bits of cream from her fingers with a napkin all the while Oluo sits across from her a seat down, frozen solid in utter shock as pieces of pie slowly slide down his face onto the table.

"OI PETRA! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PULL A STUNT LIKE THAT!?" He literally cries, making tear trails through cream.

The two older men beside him can no longer take and both Eld and Gunther explode into hysterics, to which Oluo swiftly whirls a glaring eye.

"Don't laugh! This is emasculation! An insult!" he commands them which only makes them laugh harder, then Oluo returns to the flat faced auburn haired woman again. "And YOU, you've got a lot to learn before I make you my wife! You better shape up if you know what's good for you!"

"Yeah, yeah…." The woman waves him off nonchalantly.

Beside her Eren fidgets, looking uncomfortable, and stutters to Oluo.

"O… Oluo-san, your cravat…."

Looking down, the brazen man lets out a distressed sound at the sight of the ruined cloth adorning his neck.

"You owe me for this Ral!"

"No I don't. You just got two new pairs from Gunther, so quit being a baby and put one on… idiot…."

"Baby?" the man replies with much indignation before he turns to me. "Corporal, are you just going to let her do that!?"

I give him a bland shrug.

"Not my problem." I say flatly to his great dismay

Having run out of energy Oluo sullenly falls back into his seat.

"How embarrassing." He mutters, despairingly tugging at his soiled cravat. "She'll never respect me at this rate…."

"It's toughs loosing dreams." Gunther comments lazily, resting his head on his arm.

Oluo is in a state far too deep to respond, reverting to folding his cravat with saddened eyes.

'_Pathetic.'_

Out of fear that if I watch him any longer I'll roll my eyes so hard they'd get stuck backwards, I ignore the tan haired man and take a sip of black tea.

"Petra-san," Eren mutters, still looking flustered. "is Oluo-san always like this when he is this drunk."

Petra gives an exasperated sigh.

"Unfortunately, though this time around it is especially terrible."

Eren nods.

"I see…."

On the opposite side of Petra, directly across from me, Avian makes a small hum.

"He really does try too hard to impress you." She mutters. "Does he really care for you that deeply?"

At this a slight tinge colors the other woman's cheeks.

"H… how would I know?"

"You don't have to lie to us, Petra." Gunther calls from the other end of the table. "You're just as easy to read as he is."

Petra clutches her chest and hardens her gaze.

"I've no idea what you're talking about."

This time Eld chimes in with a carefree shrug of his shoulders.

"You can't hide anything from us you know. We're too observant." He jibes with a joking smile. "You know what they say about girls and boys who pick on each other…."

"You're crazy!" Petra shoots back, face almost complete red, and when the other two men burst into another round of laughter at her reaction she pointedly turns her back to them.

"If that is all, then I'll be going." She announces loudly. "It's getting late already."

Eld is the first to calm himself, and he takes a look around us.

"So it is. Looks like we're the stragglers here."

Turning my head slightly I take in the mess hall in which we sit, full to the brim with people not but a few hours ago, is now barren and quiet.

"It's been fun," Gunther adds. "but he's right. It's probably not even Christmas anymore technically. Besides, our things are cluttering up the table."

Scanning my eyes over the table, I take in six piles of items, each sitting in front of every soldier at this table. Though due to request I don't have a pile of my own, it does me good to see such gifts lying before their owners, symbols of the bond each person has made with the others.

Shirts, ties, notebooks, knick-knacks, even some sweets, are all spread about, presents given in cheer. Honestly, even though I am glad to see such comradery, a weight sits in my stomach at the sight of the people gathered together.

I grit my teeth, push the feeling aside and focus on the other's conversation.

"Eren," Petra stirs the young boy. "is there anything you have to offer?"

The teen looks down slightly and mutters a small response.

"I do, kind of. It isn't much though…." He mumbles.

"I'm sure everything is just fine." Petra assures him with a smile.

"Y…yeah…"

Still sounding self-conscious, Eren reaches behind him and draws forth a small bag. In rapid movements, he reaches in and disperses objects to all the people around him, all the while keeping his head low.

"Now what sort of shoddy thing is this!?"

Oluo drunkenly pulls out small bits of… something… from a box and glares down at his palm.

"What the hell are these!? Small ass badges or something!?"

Eren, out of sheer subordinate habit, shrinks back in his seat looking distressed.

"T… they're cufflinks… to go with y… your crav… vats…!" he stutters

"Ah, great, MORE of these damn things…" Oluo replies, now dangling a pair of white cravats in the air, and of course Petra is the first one to react.

"Don't be so rude! Eren got you a gift even though he very well didn't have too, so show some appreciation!"

"Appreciation? How 'bout I show him how I'll shove a blade up his…!"

_***SQUELCH***_

The rest of his words are cut off as blood spurts forth from his mouth, and Oluo suddenly falls back in his seat with a cry of pain. As one Petra, Eld, and Gunther shake their heads as Oluo clutches his mouth and rushes toward the kitchens.

"It's amazing how his tongue is still attached…" Eld comments off handedly once the pained man is out of sight.

Gunther nods.

"Must be a talent."

With Oluo now gone, the table is noticeably calmer, and Eld and Gunther open their gifts next.

"Hey hey, not bad."

Both men pull out a pair of golden watches, a wrist watch for Eld, and a pocket for Gunther.

"This is pretty neat." Gunther comments, inspecting the object in his hands with vigor. "My grandfather is a real lover of these, and I've always wanted one of my own. Guess you helped me with that."

Gunther laughs as Eld nods to Eren with a grin.

"I'm quite the fan as well. Thank you, Eren."

The young soldier stiffens slightly in surprise before bowing his head.

"You're welcome Eld-san, Gunther-san." He bashfully replies which only makes the older men chuckle before Eld nods to Petra.

"So, what did you get?"

At this Petra smiles and excitedly pulls out a long chain with a shimmering, silver rimmed flower pendant hanging in the middle.

"It's beautiful." She exclaims as everyone takes a moment to gaze over the well crafted necklace before Petra quickly puts it on.

Beside her, Avian smiles.

"It suits you perfectly."

"Doesn't it, though!"

Both women smile broadly, then Petra turns to Eren.

"It's wonderful. Thank you."

Next it's Avian's turn to open hers, of which I'm oddly interested in, and when she opens her box I'm unsurprised by what she pulls out.

'_Typical.' _I think, albeit lightheartedly, and I can't help but find a certain ease in seeing her face light up when she pulls out a book and a handful of metallic ring puzzles.

"I love these!" she claps, swiftly picking up one of the puzzles and inspecting it as if already formulating it's solution. "And a tome as well? Eren, this is too much!"

The boy shakes his head.

"Honestly those puzzles didn't cost that much, and I know how much you love books and birds, so I figured a bird almanac would be the best of both worlds, and it makes up for the price difference with the other gifts since I tried to keep it even."

"Well you did an exemplary job." She beams, looking absolutely thrilled over such small trinkets. "I really do thank you."

Eren bows his head under her praise.

"It's nothing, really…" he mutters self-consciously, to which Avian tisks.

"Come now, you should be over your bashfulness around me." She chastises him playfully, and roughly messes his hair much in the way one would mess with a younger sibling. "You know how much I dislike being treated as if I'm your superior."

"But you are…."

"Do not start this quarrel with me, we've already discussed this. Do you wish for me to pull out my flowchart again?"

"You still have that!?"

"Of course I do. I knew you would continue to ignore my request, so I made sure to keep it in case of further explanation. Shall I go through every reason as to why I'm NOT your superior again? I'll even do you a favor by skipping the first seven or so pages if you wish…."

"N… no! It's fine!" Eren panics, sweat dropping down his face and he waves his hands toward her. "I understand, I promise!"

Avian nods.

"Good. Do take care to keep it that way." She states and sits back in her seat at the same time as I hear Eren mutter under his breath something along the lines of how Avian's explanations are as bad as Hanji's.

'_God forbid they work on an experiment together.' _I muse, then immediately frown at the amount of energy and lengthy debates that would undoubtedly ensue.

Returning my attention to the scene before me, Petra casts her eyes over the table.

"Alright, that's it for Eren. Gunther, Eld, got anything?"

Both men shake their heads.

"I'm assuming Oluo had nothing more too," she mutters, frowning at the still empty seat, before rounding on the ginger beside her. "Avian?"

At the sound of her name, the woman reaches behind her and almost struggles to lift a huge bag onto the table.

"I admit that I am uncertain that these are even appropriate…" she mutters, to which Gunther tilts his head in question.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, all of your gifts were store bought, yet I had to hand-make my own…."

"You made all of yours?" Eld asks, lifting a brow, and Avian nods.

"Well that makes them even better." Petra chimes in next. "I'm sure we'll all love them."

"Love what?" a deeper voice suddenly breaks in, and Oluo unhesitatingly plops back into his seat, glass of water in his hand. "Damn that's a huge bag. Those for us?"

Avian nods.

"Well come on then! Don't make us wait all night. Some of us have to get up at the crack of dawn ya know."

"Right…."

At his spur, the ginger swiftly pulls out one paper wrapped package after another, distributing them among the other soldiers. As she does so, my eyes follow the objects, and I wonder just what sort of creations lay beneath those paper wrappings.

"It isn't anything luxurious…" Avian begins as all five tear away at the wrapping. "… but I hope they suffice."

The first to unveil their gift is Eld, and everyone turns to watch him as he slowly lifts up a medium sized wooden sculpture. The creature stands tall and proud, head lifted in an almost regal way, and a pair of elegant antlers sprout from its head.

"A stag?" he questions, inspecting the carving in question thoroughly.

Piqued in interest, Gunther pulls his gift out next: also a wooden sculpture, but this time of a galloping stallion. Following his lead, the others do the same as well: Eren uncovers a fierce sculpture of a wolf, head turned to the side with ears perked as if listening for danger. Petra's gift is much more subtle, an elegant depiction of some type of bird just about to land, and Oluo holds what looks to be a bull standing tall with massive horns on display.

"You got me a cow?" Oluo mutters with sharp eyes, turning his statue upside down and all around to see every angle. "What the hell is this for?"

At his comment Avian tenses slightly as she always does when criticized, and answers promptly.

"It isn't for anything, just made for decoration." She starts when he and the others turn their eyes toward her. "They are animal totems."

"Totems?" Gunther repeats, considering the unfamiliar word.

The woman nods.

"In the culture of my ancestors, my father's people, they saw and put much importance and meaning into animals of all kinds. Each represents particular attributes, is associated with the spiritual world, and are signs of good luck for those who are meant to see them. A common tradition was to make totems depending on a person's personality, what creature they are most lead by, and these totems were often sewn into clothing or put as engravings on jewelry. In my family when we celebrate the anniversaries of our births, I would always make a sculpture to commemorate the occasion, and without many other ideas, I deemed it plausible to do the same for you all, though I did forget most of the totem meanings, so I had to take some liberty with creating my own…."

"That's a lot of thought and work." Eld comments, sounding slightly impressed. "You didn't have to go through all of that you know."

"I do, but I wished too. It had been long since I last took up a knife, and I yearned to create again." She assures him.

"And you're amazing at it." Petra comments next, gazing at hers with admiration. "What does mine mean?"

Avian smiles.

"Petra, for you, I chose The Wren, which represents your compassion and unfailing optimism."

The auburn haired woman returns Avian's grin before the ginger turns to Eren.

"For you, I chose The Wolf. You are fierce when need be, yet there is none more loyal to his comrades."

She turns to Gunther.

"For you, The Stallion, the embodiment of a diligent nature and high work ethic."

"He he, sounds like me." The man chuckles as Eld waits for his explanation.

"To represent your patience and natural leadership ability," the woman continues, "I gave you The Stag."

Eld nods in satisfaction as, last but not least, Oluo lifts his head.

"So what about me then?"

"As stated before, yours is that of The Bull. They are among the strongest and most capable of totems," she tells him before dipping down into a lower, mocking tone. "as well as the most bullheaded…."

"Hey, you brat!"

Oluo moves to reach out for her, but the woman merely dances away from the table amid a fit of laughter from the others.

"She isn't lying you know…!" Petra teases him, and Oluo now rounds on her in a flurry, face suddenly very sullen.

"Not this again Petra!" he cries, almost in tears. "Why are you women so cruel!?"

At this point the two start getting into it over the table, the man tearing up more and more over each new jab the woman spits out, and I can literally see Oluo's pride drop through the floor. It's all very amusing to see the overconfident soldier loose his cool over the only female in his squad, but as humorous as the scene is, I'm highly aware that it must be well into early morning by now.

Having neither moved nor said a word the entire time I've been here, more content to simply watch instead of joining in, Oluo gives a slight jump when I stand.

"Quit dicking around, you'll wake up the whole damn castle with your caterwauling." I state plainly, casting an eye over each soldier in turn. "Head to your quarters. It's late and all of you need sleep, especially you Oluo. A massive hangover will not get you out of cleaning duty, of course I'm sure you'll need more than one night to sweat out all that alcohol from that empty head of yours."

All at once the table straightens up in attention, turning from a group of friends into a squad of seasoned soldiers in the blink of an eye, and somberly nod in unison. Without further instruction everyone swiftly gathers their things and disperse toward their sleeping quarters. After taking time to extinguish the torches that were still lit and making my nightly round of the compound, I too eventually make it back to my room exhausted.

Pulling out my key, my mind wanders back to the heavy thoughts that have been plaguing me all evening.

'_Disbandment.' _I hear Erwin's voice say, and that single word alone brings with it a wave of apprehension and gravity.

I tried to ignore it and enjoy the night, but it just didn't happen. Seeing my squad together for the first time in a while, the two young shifters included, did nothing more than remind me of the precarious situation the Corps are in. None of the other soldiers know, not even my own, and I plan on keeping that information to myself.

'_They all deserve to have some time where they don't have to worry about anything. Let them enjoy their holiday.'_

With no one to witness my fatigue, I let slip a small, tired sigh and do my best to dismiss the topic.

Opening the door to step inside, my foot knocks against something and I look down to see a closed topped bag on the floor. I inwardly groan.

'_Great. What the hell did Hanji get this time….' _I mentally growl in annoyance, loathe to even bother with the stupid thing, but in the end I pick it up and carry it inside.

Quickly changing into a crisp night shirt and clean trousers, I sit upon my bed with the bag in my lap and stare at it. I haven't seen hide nor hair of the scientist all day, and I can only imagine what sort of weird shit she has cooked up this time.

'_Can't be worse than that one time she gave me a hat weaved out of titan hair.'_

Preparing for the worst I untie the strings at the top and peer inside, only to find a paper wrapped parcel and a small envelope.

'_A note?'_

Taking the envelope out, I inspect the outside in search of a name, but it's blank. Curiosity building, I tear it open and pull out a simple folded piece of paper. To my surprise, when I open the card it is not the familiar chicken scratch I've come to recognize as belonging to Hanji, but a smaller, more elegant script.

_Levi,_

_First and foremost, I apologize for not handing this to you in person._

_I'm aware that you have made it very clear that you do not partake_

_In celebrating the holiday season, but it just did not seem right nor fair_

_For me to have given gifts to the members of your squad without giving_

_You a gift of your own. If this offends you, then I highly apologize; I only had_

_Good intentions at heart._

_But in regards to this gift, I hope that it will somehow be of use_

_To you. With only a vague idea of your preferences, I did the best_

_I could with the sparse information and time frame available. If this does_

_Not meet your specified requirements, then I again apologize, and as this is_

_Now yours, please feel free to do what you wish with it. Though I admit_

_That this set will not be particularly useful in brewing. Perhaps you may use it_

_As a display piece? Or a serving set? Just some suggestions._

With each carefully written word, I become absorbed in the thought of the person writing this, and heat sears my ribs.

_Finally, I wish to thank you._

_You've done so much for me that I will never be able to repay it in_

_Full. I do not know if you realize this yourself, but you truly are_

_A kind person, Levi. The events of the past are nothing more than_

_Memories, and now that I know what those memories are, I feel as if I_

_Can better comprehend your feelings and intentions. Before, you _

_Were a puzzle to me, something of which I yearned to decipher. At times,_

_I believed that that was all you would ever be, but you helped change that._

_Everything you told me the other day did not go unnoticed. Your story,_

_Your life, it is what has made you __**you**__, and I am deeply honored that_

_You trusted me enough with such personal information. I understand_

_Better now, and in many ways, I see even more similarities between us._

_What I'm trying to say, is that you need not be ashamed or afraid_

_Of what cannot be changed. The past may be who you've been, but the_

_Present is who you are __**now**__, and that is what is most important._

_The past is painful, I know of this, and it shouldn't be forgotten, but_

_You needn't face it on your own. There is a Celtic saying-_

'_One can endure sorrow alone, but it takes two to be glad'._

_Do not blame yourself. Sometimes fate cannot be altered,_

_That is a reality of life. Instead, keep the memory of those who you care_

_For in your heart, so that they may ride with you wherever you_

_Go. I never knew them, but I needn't have to in order to understand_

_That they were important and cherished friends. Perhaps we can _

_Share the burden of their memory together._

I do not realize my heart is pounding until my eyes fall off the final word. With deliberate slowness I set the note carefully upon the sheets beside me, take out the parcel, and rip the paper from it.

In my hands sits the most unique tea set I've ever seen. Made entirely of polished wood, I gently draw my hands over its intricately carved surface, amazed by the sheer amount of detail. Strange patterns of interlocking lines that almost look like knots decorate near every inch of the kettle as well as the two cups that came along with it. Even to my untrained eye I see the marks of deep tradition in every notch, a design created from the mind of a person raised by a different culture of people from myself. However, as high quality as the details are, it is the center design that is truly astounding, and I gaze at it earnestly.

In the center of both broad side faces of the kettle is an eagle, wings lifted high with power and pride. Staring at it I know without knowing that this is the animal that she has chosen for me, and when I look into its sharp eyes, I see my own reflected there. He is fierce, and independent just as I am, yet he isn't alone. Just beside him, flying as gracefully and carefree as their living, peace symbolizing counterparts, are two delicate doves.

I stare at those doves. I stare at them for a long, long time.

I do not wilt; I do not cry. I am well beyond being capable of such things anymore, but gazing down at those two small birds, so carefully and lovingly crafted, a wave of emotion I have not felt in many years overwhelms me.

Perhaps it is due to me already being overwhelmed by Erwin's proclamation, but for once I don't have the energy to keep myself composed.

I do not wilt; I do not cry. Instead, I hold that wooden kettle in my hands as if it were the life essence of the world itself, raise it to my chest, shut my eyes, and just... _remember_.

xXx

The next morning sneaks up upon me, and I feel oddly exhausted when I wake. Normally being an early riser, I blink my eyes against the bright morning sunlight shining through my window, letting out a curse to ease the pain.

'_What the hell am I doing, sleeping in?'_

Rising out of bed I set about washing myself awake, throw on my uniform not soon after, and groom myself up properly. Though still out on holiday leave until after the beginning of the year, I will not stand leaving this room looking anything less than pristine.

Peering at myself in the mirror while adjusting the cravat around my neck, my eyes land upon an object sitting upon my nightstand: the kettle. All at once the previous night comes to mind, and I halt in my fussing. It's such a simple thing, that kettle, yet it somehow brought about more emotion from me than I have felt in years.

Avian truly is a talented woman at her craft. In all honesty, last night I didn't give much thought to the woman behind the masterpiece, but now it seems it is she who is at the forefront of my mind. I see her in a daydream, sitting at that same desk and chair as before, whittling away while the wood between her hands seems to come to life as if she is weaving a spell upon it. I cannot help but wonder what she was thinking while making it; if it was thoughts of Farlan and Isabel fueling her creative efforts, or thoughts of me. Probably both.

Flashing as vivid as day her face shines behind my eyes, those blue eyes looking like jewels above a beaming smile that I yearn to think is meant only for me.

'_She worked so hard making all those in time. How many hours did she spend at that desk?' _I ponder. _'And to go ahead and completely ignore the fact that I _specifically_ told her I don't celebrate this time of year, yet she goes off and makes me something any damn way. Disobedient brat….'_

My words are harsh, but I just can't bring myself to feel anything aside from appreciation, even if she did deliberately ignore my orders. It's always like that with her it seems, going the extra mile, staying carefree and relaxed around me even when I'm acting like a straight asshat…. I bitched at her the other day for that money thing, yet instead of being mad, she turns around and gives me something I didn't even ask for.

A tickle of a thought edges my mind.

'_I need to pay her back.' _I conclude. _'She went off and pulled this stupid crap… I need to make it even. I always make good with my debts, and this is the least I can do to make up for everything. I can't be indebted to a child midget like her.'_

Immediately following that statement Erwin's face appears in my mind, and his warning plays in my ears, but just as quickly as it came I push it away.

'_This isn't important enough to matter.' _

With a goal set in mind, I return to the mirror and finish tidying myself up before grabbing up my mantle and throwing it about my shoulders. I'm not exactly sure why paying her back is suddenly so important to me, but I don't question it.

An odd determination grips me, and I set off back toward downtown Stohess to retrace our steps through the busy market streets, eyes scanning shop after shop in search of… something.

One day goes by, then two, then four. In my determination I set out every day, yet with each trip I always come back empty handed. Almost a week later, on the eve of the new year, I'm out yet again scouring businesses and shops, but just as it has been every other day, with each wasted trip inside a windowed store I fail to find what I'm hunting.

'_What the hell am I even looking for!?' _

I audibly growl loud enough to startle the couple passing in front of me but I ignore them, keeping my heated eyes pointed directly ahead.

'_Been out here for hours every fucking day and I've yet to get anything! Nothing looks right, I've no idea what I'm doing, and it's cold as balls out here. What's even the point of doing this? I haven't the slightest idea what the hell to get her!'_

Growling again in frustration, I cast a side glance at the shop window to my side.

'_A carriage repair shop, yeah, that sounds freaking fantastic. I'll go and buy her a damn wheel cap, or maybe a nice, polished replacement window. Shit….'_

This is utterly hopeless; I should have just kept my ass back at the office. I haven't the foggiest idea how to do this. I don't even know what she likes! I know she reads and fiddles with stuff, but she has books and puzzles already. I thought about getting her a piece of clothing to help her survive the winter better, but she has a jacket now, and I don't know what her taste in style is.

'_I can always get something practical… like socks. Everyone can use those, right? But what kind of lame ass gift is that? What about flowers? Girls like flowers… but it's in the middle of fucking winter. Jewelry? Would Avian even wear any? She has that wooden necklace of hers that she never takes off already, bracelets can be easily broken, and everything else is just… uggh….'_

I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I've never done this before, buying a gift for someone, and a female to boot.

'_I should just give up; I'm wasting my time. But I can't. I need to make it up to her, I WANT to get her something. What though? Why are woman so difficult and complicated?'_

My frown deepens.

'_I can always get one later, when I have a better idea. Maybe I can ask Petra for help, or maybe Hanji….'_

A sudden vision of the glasses wearing scientist laughing maniacally, holding up a titan limb and a handful of bloody experimentation/torture devises comes to mind.

'_On second thought, I'll ask someone who still has a little sanity left.'_

I hate this feeling, but after walking fruitlessly day after day, I finally resign myself to defeat and start following the river back to the Corps. Quickly the noise of voices, carriages, horses, and shops all drown away to silence, broken by nothing aside from the crunch of snow underneath my boots as I trudge my way back.

'_This is fucking stupid. I'm an idiot. There's no reason for me to care so much about getting that woman anything. Gifts are pointless and a waste of money and time.' _I ramble like I don't give a shit, though the tightness in my chest tells me otherwise. _'What else am I supposed to do?'_

That's when I hear it.

At first I think it is just my mind playing tricks on me, until I hear it again, clearer this time as it dances on the wind, and instantly without a second thought I know what to get her.

It took a little bit of bargaining and a significant lightening of my wallet, but I don't mind the extra effort. Within the hour I'm able to return to base with wrapped parcel in hand, and feeling oddly satisfied with myself. Being the holiday season, most soldiers in the Corps have returned home to visit family leaving the building empty for the most part, so slipping in isn't a problem.

Scouting through bare halls I make my way cautiously toward Petra and Avian's shared quarters. Ears strain to listen for any hint of movement around me, but my progress remains unhindered and by some stroke of luck, their room is empty as well.

Slipping inside for only a quick moment, I scan my eyes over the arrangements until I spy Avian's bed, the only one surrounded by books with her new puzzles lying unsolved upon the nightstand, and make my way to it.

I place the parcel in the center of the sheets and turn to exit, but something stops me. Looking back, I stare at the gift lying there by itself, and frown.

'_She left a note with mine.' _

Walking back slowly, I spy a loose piece of paper and a quill from where Petra had been writing something down, a letter no doubt, and take them in my hands. For a moment I'm completely at a blank as to what I should write. I don't want it to be too long because I know for sure she'll recognize my handwriting, but I don't want to leave nothing at all. It's New Year's Eve now, but this is for Christmas, so should I put 'Happy Holidays'? No, that's lame as hell.

I stand there for far longer than I probably should have, glaring at the paper in my hand as if I can magically spring words into existence by sheer will.

'_Why is this so hard?'_

Is it because it's for her specifically? I feel like I shouldn't have to struggle like this, but at the same time I am not going to make a fool of myself.

'_A little too late for that. It's already a whole damn week late….'_

A sigh forces itself from my lips, I contemplate, then jot down the only thing I can think of.

_Sorry it's late._

I probably should write more than just that, but a conflict of having so much I want to say with no idea how to say it plagues me. In the end I just leave it at that, fold up the paper much like she did mine, and place it on top of her gift.

As I leave and shut the door behind me, my heart pounds in my throat, and as I make my way upstairs to kill time until night sets, my body feels like it's holding its breath.

xXx

The scene inside the Corp's cafeteria is just the same as it was a week ago: completely barren aside from my squad, and much like before the air is filled with laughter and the scent of ale and wine as together we celebrate the coming of the new year.

"I could get used to this." Eld sighs in satisfaction, leaning back in his seat after taking a swig of drink. "Everyone is gone, it's quiet, and for the first time in a while this past year wasn't completely horrible."

"It really wasn't. I'm glad." Gunther answers him, also taking a swig. "Think this is the most productive year we've had so far. We sealed up Wall Rose, took it back, cleared out all of Wall Maria…. It seems almost unreal, ya know? "

Petra and Eld nod.

"It really does." The former agrees. "And we all made it through."

"Somehow." Gunther grunts before leaning back as well. "I guess it shouldn't be that much of a surprise. Ever since Erwin created S.O.A.R. casualties have dropped almost overnight. I can name a time or two where Gauche got me out of a pinch."

"Same here." Eld nods. "They are really talented people."

From across the table a loud snort disrupts the conversation, and Oluo leans forward on his elbows.

"Bah, you losers just lack skill. Talking about being saved… ha! I never once had to have anyone save my ass. I'm so powerful that not even the dumbest of those titan bastards dares to do anything to me!"

At his announcement Petra rolls her eyes.

"Here we go again…."

Keeping my annoyed thoughts to myself, everyone at the table sits blandly as the brazen man stands and braces his leg against the table, and from his drunkenly flushed face he lets out a whooping laugh.

"You should have seen those damn little shits!" He shouts, thrusting up his hand in triumph hard enough to spill wine over himself. "Their blood and skin flying in every direction as I hacked off their limbs! One nearly caught me in its mouth, but no one is strong enough to take down the great Bozado! All it did was make me annoyed, so you know what I did? You know what I DID!?"

"No one cares Oluo…." Gunther mutters, but the man ignores him completely.

"I cut its fucking head off its fucking neck! That's what!" Oluo announces. "And you know what else!? I hated that damn thing so much for trying to eat me that I took my swords and cut its eyes and ears straight off and shoved its own feet into its mouth! The thing was stupid that it just laid there and chewed its own toes off! What an idiot!"

Oluo breaks out into laughter that sounds oddly similar to the psychotic sounds made by Hanji, and I have to force myself take a large swig of alcohol just to tune him out.

Looking utterly uncomfortable and out of place, Eren stares wide eyed at his older team mate and gapes.

"Petra-san, is he… always like this when he's drunk?"

Petra sighs.

"Usually he isn't too bad, but this time he's gone way overboard."

"I see…" the boy mutters as Oluo goes off again, though no one is listening to his tangent.

Across the way Gunther leans around Oluo's body to look at Eren.

"Don't think too bad of him, kid. It isn't often we get to relax like this, so the poor guy is probably so stunned he doesn't know what to do with himself."

"You got that right." Eld mutters,. "At least the rest of us can handle our drinks, 'specially Corp over there."

Raising his glass to me, Eld nods respectively, a gesture that I return, and he takes a swig.

"Say," he continues, setting his glass on the table. "this table is looking off. Aren't we missing one?"

Giving a quick glance about us, I quickly take notice of the empty seat beside Petra and frown.

"I wonder what's keeping her." Gunther adds. "Any idea?"

Petra shakes her head.

"I spend the day visiting my father, so I haven't had the chance to see her."

Eren pipes up next.

"I can go look for her."

"Oh would you? She's probably in our room. You know where that is right?"

Eren nods, then stands and leaves. While he is gone the others chat to pass the time until Oluo finally gains the bright idea to sit back down in his seat and shut the hell up for a while. Minutes pass quickly as Gunther and Eld both chat about the visits they made today to see their own families, the door to the mess hall opens and Eren steps back inside alone. Raising a brow, I wait until the boy comes into earshot before speaking.

"So the idiot thinks she's too good for us and decided our company wasn't enough then?" I sass flatly, but the boy shakes his head.

"No, she's coming in a minute once she calms down."

My attention heightens, but I do my best to sound as uninterested as possible.

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah, just surprised."

"By what?" Petra asks.

"She found a package on her bed not too long ago," Eren explains and automatically my chest tightens. "and it looks like a late Christmas present or something. There was a note but no name."

"Weird." Gunther grunts. "Wonder who it's from."

"No idea." Eren shakes his head again. "It must be someone she knows though."

"One of the other S.O.A.R. members probably." Eld interjects. "What did she get?"

Just as Eren opens his mouth to reply the cafeteria door opens and my eyes lock on to a small form. Cradling a case in her arms, the table welcomes her with cheers and smiles as Avian joins us. Without thinking I scan over her, looking for anything remotely wrong with her, but I find nothing aside from a slight redness in the eyes. My gaze narrows.

"About time!" Petra grins, wrapping an arm around the woman. "What took you so long?"

"I apologize." Avian smiles back, taking a seat. "I would have been here sooner, but I was quite a mess before."

Petra's face falls into one of concern.

"What happened? Were you crying?" she asks, lifting a hand to drag her fingers under the slight puffiness of Avian's eyes.

'_Crying? I didn't mean to make her cry.' _I stare, feeling like an asshole, but my worries are swiftly pushed aside as the later woman chuckles under Petra's touch.

"Not too much, and not over anything negative I assure you." She smiles, and relief releases my chest. "It was happy tears."

"Still…."

Petra does not look entire convinced, the female soldier always concerned over her squad and bunk mate, but after a few seconds she seems to force her worries aside and brightens again.

"Well that's a relief. I'm glad you were able to join us."

"Me too. I honestly forgot about it, so I'm glad Eren came to fetch me." Avian praises, giving Eren a bright grin. "I am sorry you had to see me like that though. Twas not very slightly of me."

"I…it's fine." The boy stutters, growing pink over being singled out. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Avian smiles wider.

"Well seeing you always makes me feel better."

At this Eren's face turns completely red, and he jumps when Gunther suddenly throws an arm around his back with a whooping laugh.

"Ah, don't get embarrassed kid. Seeing you makes me feel all peachy too!"

"H… hey!"

Gunther laughs as he takes Eren into a headlock and digs his fist into the top of his head in a very big brotherly manner. As they yelp and Eren tries to get away, Oluo leans forward and slurs.

"So what 'cha got in the box?"

"Oh!"

Following his prompt the ginger sets the case in her lap, a difficult thing to do considering how small she is, and pops it open. A second later she sets the black case on the ground behind her and rests the wooden instrument in her hands down on her lap.

"A guitar?"

A look of what I can only describe as pure childish excitement colors Avian's face, and she smiles wider than I've probably have ever seen before.

"How cool! Those are expensive too!" Petra gasps in awe. "Who gave it to you?"

"I know not." The ginger answers. "But whomever they are, they are very generous."

"I'll say! I'm pretty jealous to be honest." Gunther states, Eren's head still in his arm.

"Same here." Eld joins in, looking curious. "I did know you knew how to play."

Avian nods.

"I learned from my father, though I'm far from skilled."

"Really?"

The man makes a noise of intrigue as Gunther finally lets poor Eren go, leaving the teen slightly red faced and gasping.

"How about you play us something?"

My heart gives a slight lurch as Avian blinks, looking slightly startled by the request, but she overcomes it quickly and nods.

"Sure. I'll give it a go."

The table falls quiet as the woman adjusts the instrument, keeping it laying against her legs because she isn't quite big enough to hold it properly, and she puts her hands into position. The first notes are just random, simple plucks of the strings as Avian gets acquainted with the sound of it, playing easy melodies and tunes to get the feel of things. After a minute or two of that her hands fall still. All eyes and ears are on her, even Oluo's for the most part, and with each second a little fire inside my ribs seems to grow.

Taking a steady breath she moves, and a song begins to play.

Instantly a foreign sounding song fills the air, light and airy and filled with energy. Though it must have been a good while since she last played, you couldn't tell, for her fingers move with purpose and practiced ease, naturally falling into an ingrained rhythm. Beside her Petra and Eren listen intently while Eld and Gunther lean back in their seats, enjoying the music. Oluo lays on the table with his head on his arms, faces still flushed red with alcohol, but even he seems to be enjoying himself.

Listening to the strange yet endearing way the notes swoop and lift in soft waves, an odd peace settles over me. My eyes never leave her face, addicted to the glow of joy emanating from her. I have never in my life seen her look so happy. Strumming the strings, pure ecstasy is all that shows upon her light features, and I stare at the warmth of her cheeks and the upward slant of her lips with earnest, ribs clenching tightly against my insides.

Then she begins to sing.

_Look how the light of the town  
the lights of the town are shining now  
Tonight I'll be dancing around  
I'm off on the road to Galway now  
Look how she's off on the town  
She's off on a search for sailors though  
There's fine fellas here to be found  
She's never been one to stay at home_

_Home you'll go and it's there you'll stay_  
_And you've work to do in the morning_  
_Give up your dream of going away_  
_Forget your sailors in Galway_

Her voice is so beautiful, possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. I can see the love of music flowing from her, and I cannot be more grateful to have bought her what I did. It's so amazing that the rest of the table just falls away from my surroundings. I've no extra attention to give unless it's for her, and just when I think it can't get any better, it does, for in the next moment her words slip from my understanding entirely.

_Téir abhaile riú, téir abhaile riú  
Téir abhaile riú Mhearai  
Téir abhail gus fan sa bhaile  
Mar tá do mhargadh déanta_

It's such a natural transition that I didn't even notice at first. I've no idea what the hell she is saying, but I couldn't care less. I'm openly entranced by this talent of hers, and I pick up key differences in her speech that I've never noticed before. It's only now that I realize that she has a slight accent, one sung with the words so well that I'm almost disappointed that she doesn't speak it all the time. But just as quickly as it came she reverts back, and I can understand her again.

The end comes quicker than I would have liked, and when the final note sounds Avian beams at us.

"That was great!" Petra remarks.

"Very well played." Eld adds as Eren smiles.

"You're very good at playing." He states, and the ginger smiles to us all.

"Thank you…" she starts until Oluo's loud voice cuts her off.

"Ain't too bad coming from a weirdo midget like you." He announces gruffly, scratching the back of his head.

"Thank you…. I think?"

Oluo merely gives out a single, hoarse laugh before taking a drink.

Gunther shakes his head at the other man's antics before turning back to Avian.

"Hey, is it alright if I give it a go?" he asks, and the woman nods.

"Of course." She smiles, offering the instrument. "I'd love to hear you play."

"Psh, it'll be crap."

"You got that right."

Gunther glares at Oluo, knocks him on the side of the head with a balled up used napkin, then calmly returns to adjusting the guitar under his arm all while ignoring Oluo's slurring curses.

And so the rest of my team each take turns playing Avian's guitar. Gunther played a simple warm up tune and a few made up chords before passing it on to Eld, who surprised us all with his skill by playing a couple songs he learned from his own father. Against better judgment Oluo takes his turn, which ends up being the worst decision made that night and involved both Eld and Gunther wrestling the instrument out of his hands after the buffoon tried to use a dinner knife as a guitar pick. After him, I waved off my own turn, instead handing the instrument to Eren next. He was hesitant at first, but after some unwavering prodding, Avian was the only one finally able to convince him to give it a try, and he wasn't half bad. The teen ended his turn quickly, becoming too embarrassed by all the attention he was getting and passed it off to Petra, who played a simple children's song before returning the guitar to Avian again.

"You sure you don't wish to play longer?" the ginger asks, to which Petra shakes her head.

"Nah, I'm good. I really just want to hear you play something else. Do you know any other songs in that weird language you sang in before?"

Avian blinks.

"You mean my father's language? I do, though I think I only remember one fully anymore. The rest are a tad hazy to memory."

"That's fine! Do you mind playing it?"

"You won't be able to understand what I'm saying."

"Who cares!" the older woman urges. "It sounds amazing, and I don't think any of us have ever heard a language like that before."

Avian still looks slightly uncomfortable and looks about the table for support. Everyone nods, leaning in to hear more, and when her eyes finally reach mine they pause for a moment, lingering longer on me than she had on the others, and she keeps them there until I giver a slight encouraging nod of my own.

"Let's see what you got."

I guess the only person's reassurance she was looking for was mine, for it is only when I speak to her that she relents and takes up the guitar in her lap. Her warm up strums are quicker this time, and it only takes a second before more music pours from her fingers and strange words from her mouth.

_Sé mo laoch mo Ghile Mear  
'Sé mo Shaesar, Ghile Mear,  
Suan ná séan ní bhfuaireas féin  
Ó chuaigh i gcéin mo Ghile Mear_

_Bímse buan ar buairt gach ló,  
Ag caoi go cruaidh 's ag tuar na ndeor  
Mar scaoileadh uaim an buachaill beo  
'S ná ríomhtar tuairisc uaidh, mo bhrón_

I don't know what she is saying, nor do I care. I simply watch and listen to her sing, just happy to know that she is happy. What she has always said before, about music being in her blood, I truly believe it now. The way she looks now, how soft her face is, is far beyond anything I've seen. Nothing has brought such joy to her as this; not friends, not memories, not even her own horse. It's as if this act is a deeply rooted need of her heart, as crucial to her wellbeing as eating and breathing.

Watching her I lean my head against a clenched fist and close my eyes, allowing myself to mellow in the warmth growing in my chest.

'_It feels like I'm falling in love with her again.'_

Eventually this song too comes to an end, and I open my eyes to watch with a heavy heart as Avian returns the instrument to its case and closes it up.

"I do not wish for Oluo to try and break it again." She explains, resulting into man letting out an offended gasp.

"Break it!? I was playing a song you polka-dotted faced midget!"

In response Avian turns a hard eye to him and sassily remarks, "Were my father still alive he would sever off his own ears before listening to that atrocity."

"You got balls to lie like that to me, little girly!"

"Oh quick your whining." Petra interjects, "You know she never lies."

"And even if I had," Avian continues, "I highly doubt you would notice in such a deplorable state of mind as you are, though I am hard pressed to say how such manners differ from your customary behavior."

Mind clouded by booze, Oluo merely lets out an irritated growl, clearly not understanding the woman's vocabulary, and folds his arms.

"Showy-offy little midget…."

Both Petra and Avian roll their eyes together at his antics, and for a moment I fear that the ginger is offended by Oluo's drunken remarks, but in the next second a smile crosses her face. As always she moves on, harsh comments forgotten, and goes about carrying conversation with the others, enthusiastically leaning against Petra and Eren in good cheer.

Their talk lasts well into the night, and instead of joining in like I usually do with my team, I lean back and just watch them go.

I try not to, but as hours pass and I watch the happy faces of each of my subordinates, each more dear to me than I will ever admit, my mind can no longer put away the thought of what is impending on us.

As far as I know, this could be the last holiday we will ever have together, and just the thought of it leaves a sickening feeling in my gut. I want to be happy and enjoy this rare time of peace, but the itching of apprehension at the back of my mind is impossible to ignore. My lightheartedness from before is gone, the joy sucked out of me, and I cannot bring myself to break down the stony expression I know plasters my face.

Every now and again Gunther or Petra will try to get me to join in, but when I do not respond their grins falter slightly and they return to their own gossip, pretending nothing ever happened. Eld and Eren look my way a few times, both mildly curious about my cool behavior, but they too say nothing. Oluo is oblivious, constantly changing from being deeply offended to laughing his ass off at his own lame jokes, possibly not even registering anymore that I'm right beside him. Avian stares the most, doing that odd piercing look that overcomes her whenever she tries to figure me out, but I ignore even her.

'_How many missions do we have left?' _I wonder, staring at the wall. _'Escorting the refugees back to Wall Maria will start soon, that is what Erwin said, but just how soon will that be? A few months? A few weeks? Will our efforts to venture outside the walls be cut off entirely, even after all the progress we have made? I won't take it. My men have not died just for us to stop here. Returning the people to their homes is important, but Darius can't seriously be considering ending the Corps for good.'_

Hundreds of other thoughts just like those run through my mind, each one pulsing through my veins with great heat, like adrenaline. There is a deep need inside of me to do something, anything, but there is not a thing I can do, which only pisses me off more.

I want to break something; to take out my frustration about this whole damn situation but I force myself to keep it subdued. The last thing Erwin wants is for me to fly off the handle.

At some point in time both Oluo and Avian leave the table for something, and the room gets significantly quieter. In this new stillness I'm slightly aware of a pair of green eyes upon me, and in a hesitant voice Eren calls out to me.

"Are you alright, Corporal?"

I slide a bland gaze to him.

"Yes, why? Do I look constipated or something?"

Eren bows his head.

"N… no! Of course not! It's just…" he mutters, wilting under the weight of my stare. "…you don't look like you've been enjoying yourself is all."

I let out a huff.

"It's just my face. I always look pissed off." I tell him, taking a sip of drink.

I feel more eyes focus on me, Petra's concerned, Eld's watchful, and Gunther's slightly curious, but just as before none of them pester me. They've been in my squad long enough to know that I do not answer such ridiculous questions. Eren on the other hand is a different story.

"It's not that…" the teen continues, bravely raising his head back up, but before he can finish his sentence a sudden, loud scream pierces the air.

I react in a reflex. Standing up so quickly that my chair clatters behind me, I'm already halfway to the kitchen where the scream sounded before anyone else at the table has time to respond.

"Was that Avian!?" I barely hear Eren state with worry.

I do not answer him, for in the next second I burst through the kitchen door. Deep, roaring laughter is what I hear first, and when I turn my head I see none other than Oluo, holding his sides and nearly crumpling to the ground in a drunken fit of hysterics, and Avian laying on the ground.

I rush to her side in an instant.

"That was fucking priceless!" Oluo chortles when I kneel beside the woman, the drunken man backing himself up into a counter so he doesn't fall backwards. "You look like you just shit yourself! Did you!?"

Picking herself off the ground, Avian's eyes are as wide as plates and she begins brushing herself off in a frenzy of movement.

"Where is it!?"

Oluo points to a spot on the floor near the ginger's foot, and following his finger I spy the hugest, hairiest, most disgusting spider I've ever seen in my life. Avian must have seen it as well, for she lets out another shrill scream and kicks out, scrambling backward in a panic which only makes Oluo laugh all the harder.

"You should have seen her face, Corporal!" He announces, losing himself. "It was perfect! She turned around just as I put that ugly bastard on her shoulder! That's what you get for talking shit about me, haha!"

Oluo's face is beet red from laughter, a few shades brighter than Avian's who sits with her hand clamped white-knuckled around her necklace, eyes still wide from shock, and he actually starts wiping tears from his eyes.

"That was fucking hysterical."

Beside me the woman says nothing, apparently focused on calming her erratic heart. I haven't seen her look this pale in a long time, and in the split second that I take to glance at her stunned face, something in me snaps.

"What the fuck are you laughing at."

My voice slices sharp as a blade through the air and instantly Oluo's laughter halts and he looks at me in surprise.

I feel ice flow through my body, clenching my fists together in chilly fury, and I pierce him with a glare so cold that the man flinches.

"What the fuck are you laughing at." I spit again as I stand. "You think that is funny, pulling a dickish move like that?"

The man visibly falters, turning into a stumbling mess, and raises his hands defensively.

"H… hey, I was just playing around. I wasn't t… trying to hurt her." He stutters.

His plea falls deaf upon my ears. I don't understand or care why I'm so angry. All I'm aware of is my strong desire to smash his smug face into a wall. I take a step forward to do just that, but a tug on the fabric of my pants stops me.

"Tis alright." Avian says, and I gaze down at her to see her face looking pretty much normal again. "Please don't be enraged. He was only jesting."

My gaze hardens.

"I don't give a flying fuck what he was doing." I answer honestly, trying to loosen the grip on my leg, but Avian doesn't relent.

"It was only a joke, and I admit I deserve it for how I have been speaking to him earlier." She continues, pinning me still with her eyes. "Don't punish him. It was an accident, I swear to you."

Cold steel and calm blue hold each other for a long time. I really want to just ignore her and beat the hell out of Oluo for being a douchebag, though I don't quite comprehend just why I'm so pissed off at a simple accident in the first place, but Avian's steady gaze keeps me still. It takes a few moments, but I eventually force my heart rate to slow, and ease my clenched fists open again.

I'm aware of four pairs of eyes watching the whole scene from the door, but I pay them no mind. Only when I feel as if I'm in control of myself again to I return to glare at Oluo.

"You've had enough, return to your quarters."

The man obeys my stern order without question, stiffly giving me a quick nod and salute before shuffling past me and out of the room. My eyes follow him, and when he is out of sight I turn to the four soldiers watching on next.

"The night is done. Clean your shit up and go."

Much like Oluo, Eren, Petra, Eld, and Gunther all obey me without another word. Only when their faces disappear from view and the kitchen door shuts closed do I return my attention to the woman beside me.

"You alright?"

Still sitting on the ground Avian nods.

"I'm fine, though I did manage to drop a cup when I jumped. I apologize."

Casting my eyes about the floor, it is only then that I notice shards of glass lying everywhere, glinting in the glow of torchlight.

"Did you fall?"

"No, just a slip. It was my fault entirely. I… don't think nor function very well when in a panic…. I promise that I am alright."

I turn a sharp gaze to her, eyes scanning over her automatically in search of injuries, and my eyes narrow.

"Well if you're fine, then what the hell is that."

At my statement I motion toward one of her hands supporting herself, and with a blank expression Avian glances down and turns it over.

"Oh." Is all she says when she finally notices the deep cut in her palm that has created a nice, smeared bloodstain on the floor.

'_Tch. Damn idiot.'_

Kneeling down beside her I take her hand in my own and inspect it.

"That's just great, there is still glass in there." I growl in irritation, frowning as small little blood trails begin making their way over my fingers and down her arm.

Without thinking I pull out a handkerchief from the pocket of my uniform, wrap up her wound, and pull her up to stand. Surprisingly the woman doesn't protest when I lead her through the door, and I barely slow my pace when I pass the table where Eren and the others are cleaning up.

"Eld, Gunther, there's glass and blood on the floor in there. Clean it up."

Both men nod, and beside them Petra and Eren look on in concern.

"You okay?" Petra asks, and Avian nods.

"Just a scratch."

Eren speaks up next, taking a few steps forward.

"That looks like it's bad." He mentions, staring at the blood trails on the woman's arm. "Did you want help cleaning up Avian?"

"I'll take care of her." I harshly interject, pinning the young boy with a sharp eye. "You stay here and help clean up this mess."

Eren stiffens at my hard tone, and he is quick to obey my orders. With a swift 'Yes, sir!' he whirls back around, and only when I'm satisfied that they will do their jobs properly do I stalk through the mess hall door into the empty halls beyond.

I sort of pull Avian behind me to give her no chance to weasel away, and the air is silent between us as we head toward the room she shares with Petra. Once there I wordlessly shut the door behind us when we enter and stiffly direct her to a chair.

"Sit."

The ginger does as she is told as I make a beeline for the cabinet in their bathroom, quickly riffling through it for antiseptic, tweezers and bandages before returning to the main room. I feel her eyes hot upon my skin as I draw up another chair to sit directly across from her, and I do not permit myself to meet her gaze until I have everything I need laying neatly on the table beside us.

With tweezers at the ready I turn and open my palm to her.

"Hand."

The woman doesn't move.

"I can treat my own…."

"Give. Me. Your. Hand."

Avian's mouth snaps shut at the dark tone of my voice, I hold her steady gaze, not in the mood to put up with her self-reliant bullshit, and I do not move a muscle until the woman eventually gives in. Eyes downcast, she puts her injured hand in mine.

Grasping her wrist to keep her still, I swiftly begin picking tiny glass shards from her palm and drop them one by one on the table beside us. The ginger watches me work in silence, completely unflinching as I gently tug and dig out every last splinter. Even the alcoholic sting of antiseptic doesn't appear to faze her.

The quiet remains unbroken as I work, keeping my eyes carefully centered on the task at hand, and as minutes tick by my irritation slowly begins to ease, though my mind is a different story. Against my will it begins to wander back toward Erwin's warning again, and I harden my scowl at the thought.

"What ails you?"

Her voice is nothing more than a soft whisper, but it's enough to make me pause for only a moment to slide my eyes up to hers before returning them to her hand.

"Why do you ask? Am I wearing a weird face?" I lightly dodge, grabbing a roll of bandage from the table.

Avian frowns.

"You have been subdued all night. Is there something on your mind?"

"Nope."

"Are you fatigued?"

"Not really."

"Ill?"

"Your questions are really annoying."

The ginger's mouth draws tight as I start wrapping up her bloodstain free hand.

"There is no reason to be so curt."

"Then quit asking stupid questions."

"They are not stupid." The woman frowns harder. "I've been observing you all night, and not once did you appear to be enjoying yourself."

"I apologize. I'll try my best to make sure I meet your expressive emotion quota next time. What did you want me to do, start cackling manically like that damn four-eyes?" I sass back, which earns me nothing but a hard stare.

"No. But any sort of visual manifestation of enjoyment would be appreciated." She continues. "You always look so miserable all the time."

"It's just my face."

"No, it's not." Avian pushes. "I have taken notice that you rarely choose to express yourself, especially positively. Why is that so?"

"I just don't feel like it." I shrug. "What, you got a problem with that?"

"Yes, I do. Tis not healthy to close yourself off like so. We are your friends, you should be comfortable enough around us to articulate yourself openly."

I let out a single, coarse huff in the sound of a sarcastic laugh.

"That's never going to happen."

"Why not?"

"I'm not good with emotions."

"Now don't say that…."

I shift and raise a doubtful eye.

"I'm serious." I continue dully, holding her gaze so she can understand my point. "Since you're so abnormally short it should be no surprise that this goes over your head, but in case you haven't noticed I'm way to fucked up to feel anything like a normal person."

"Don't say that." Avian repeats in a much sterner tone. "You know how I feel about untruths."

"I'm not lying." I counter just as firmly. "With all the shit I've seen, I'm surprised I can feel anything anymore."

"Of course you can, why wouldn't you? I've seen it myself. You have the capacity to be just as upbeat and compassionate as any other."

I let out another sarcastic laugh.

"Now that's news to me. And here I thought I was nothing but an asshole."

"You are not such a horrid thing." Avian scowls. "Quit calling yourself that. You have more expression than you realize, for I've seen it. The only thing I've yet to understand is why you choose not to show it. Smiling is not that difficult of a task."

"It is for me"

"Then let us fix that."

At this Avian shifts in her seat so she can stare me down, and I pause in my wrapping to watch her.

"Try it."

I raise a brow.

"Try what?"

"Try to smile."

"No."

My answer is curt, leaving no room for argument, but the woman ignores my tone.

"You are making this difficult."

"No, YOU are making it difficult." I spout back, irritation beginning to come back. "I'm not going to do something so stupid."

"Tis not stupid!" she frowns. "Do not test me. I'll make you if I have to."

A heavy scowl pulls down my face, and with a deft tug I secure the rest of the bandaging around her palm and stand.

"This is ridiculous…." I mutter under my breath, shoving my chair back toward the wall before heading toward the door. "I'm leaving."

I hear a chair scrape the ground.

"No."

I peer back over my shoulder and glare at the woman's severe complexion.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no." Avian clarifies. "I'm not finished speaking with you yet."

"Well I am." I frown and reach for the door, but before I can open it I hear a swift patter of feet, and suddenly the ginger is in front of me, blocking the door.

"No. Not until you lighten up."

I can't believe it. I'm stunned by the sheer audacity this woman has, just outright disobeying her commanding officer. Instantly Corporal Levi rises into action, and I glare down at her coldly.

"Move out of the way, Conner."

"NO." she insists, boldly holding my gaze. "I've had it with you. Always acting as if there is nothing that can please you in this world. You're NEVER happy; not after a successful mission, not while bonding with comrades, not even during a time of rest like this! Just once I'd like to see you enjoy yourself, to convey any other manner of emotion aside from your glaring and scowls."

"Why the hell is this so important all of a sudden?" I growl back.

"It has always been important; I just kept hold of my tongue in hopes that you would take such an action upon yourself. Everyone down the hall was having a grand time, yet we couldn't bring ourselves to fully enjoy the night because we were too aware of the stoic corporal in our midst. One smile, just one smile is all I ask of you, yet you still fight. Petra and the others deserve to have as much fun as possible, and they can't do that when they are preoccupied with wondering what their unyielding captain will think. So, I've decided to take matters into my own hands, and I will not let you return to them until I know that you won't bring them down."

"This is the dumbest shit I've ever heard." I growl mentally and mutter out loud at the same time. "You've had way too much to drink and it's pissing me off."

"I've nary touched a drop of ale all night." Avian counters. "I'm just fed up with you constantly hiding behind your cold demeanor. And I'm not afraid of you."

Her voice is completely resolute, filled with determination the likes of which I haven't heard in a while, and before I have a moment to respond to her bold statement her hands flash forward and I feel her fingers assault my sides.

"What the fuck are you doing!?"

I brush her hands away, but just as quickly as I got them off they are on me again, this time tickling just under my arms.

"Trying to lighten you up." Is all she replies.

"Well stop! You're fucking annoying!"

"I'll stop once you learn how to smile."

"You're insane!"

"You're infuriating."

I growl as I dislodge her fingers from me again, but she's so quick and filled with determination that they merely move up to tickle my neck.

"This is the only thing that ever made Rom smile, so if it worked for him it will work for you."

"I said stop!"

"Make me!"

"ENOUGH."

My irritation reaches its peak, and with a movement as swift as a bolt of lightning I snatch Avian's wrists, wrench them up, and pin them against the door behind her. Sharp steel meet icy blue, and Avian glares at me with a surprising amount of heat.

"What is your problem!? Why are you so determined to look absolutely miserable all the time!?"

"Why the hell does it matter?" I snarl back, keeping a tight grip on her wrists. "Maybe I am miserable, so what? It's my damn business and you should keep your fucking disobedient nose out of it. Why is a stupid thing so damn important to you?"

"Why?" she gapes up at me. "It's important because we care about you, Levi! We want nothing more than for you to be happy and have a good time with us, but you never do! We are all dedicated to you because you are our corporal, but we want more than that! You know everyone would like you more if you actually smiled instead of frowning all the blasted time."

"Like? Who said anything about like?" I scoff. "They are soldiers, they know better than to form emotional attachments to others."

"You sound as if you don't expect them to be attached to you. That's preposterous!"

"They aren't. You've got to be an idiot to think that anyone would be so naive."

Though both her arms are pinned above her, Avian looks about ready to slap me.

"Do you hear yourself? You are Lance Corporal Levi, of course people are going to like you!"

"Pfft." I huff, unable to hide my ridicule. "You're dumber than you look if you believe that."

I harden my gaze on her, enough to freeze her in place, and scorn.

"But since you're so confident, then tell me. Who, out of all the dipshits in this damn place, actually likes me?"

At this her face hardens as well.

"Erwin likes you."

I roll my eyes.

"He is my commander and I'm his corporal, nothing more."

My voice is dismissive as if I'm speaking to an ignorant child, but the woman doesn't back down.

"Hanji."

"Four-eyes is a fucking psychopath who loves titans more than herself."

"Gunther"

"He trusts me as his captain. That isn't the same as liking someone."

"Eld"

"Same as Gunther."

"Oluo."

"He's dedicated to me because I saved his life once before, that's all."

"Petra."

"She's a hard worker who has given her life to the Corps. She'd act just the same under anyone else's command."

"Eren."

"Eren is an idiot."

Avian pauses for a split second, then speaks again.

"Farlan and Isabel liked you."

I don't know what comes over me then, some sort of indignation, but at the mention of those two names, names belonging to the dearest people I've ever met, the names that coincide with my deepest, darkest regret, something in me snaps.

"NO."

I'm tired of her stupid game. Erwin's face is a shadow behind my eyes, a reminder of the grim possibility that everything we have been working toward for years could all go down the shithole, and without meaning too my apprehension over the whole thing bubbles over and I find myself lashing out at her with sharp remarks.

"You don't get it, do you!?"a snarl suddenly bursts from my mouth, and the ginger visibly jolts back at the harshness of it. "NO one should be _liking_ anyone. NO one should _care_ about someone, it's fucking pathetic. We are in a WAR. Every day, with every mission more and more of us are killed, bitten, crushed, ripped into pieces by those damn titanic bastards. We're lucky if we make it back to the Walls in one piece, let alone _alive. _This is the Recon Corps we are talking about here. We suffer the most casualties out of anyone, we suffer the most pain, we grieve over the most dead, you know this! And yet you still hold on to that damn naïve bullshit as if it's possible to do your duty, survive, and care about your squad mates all at the same time!"

I know I should stop, but my eyes are blurred red, and words just pour out from me in a wave. My chest burns, yet even with my lungs on fire I do not stop. In all honesty I'm not sure if I'm even speaking to _her _anymore.

"All bonds ever do is bring about more pain, more regret, so I just got to the point where I just stopped caring. It's better that way. If you don't feel anything toward a person, then you won't feel anything when they die, it's simple as that. Petra and the others are fools for allowing themselves to become as close as they have. It'll only fuck them up later. Caring for people is stupid and useless; liking someone is even worse. You can't care about someone and do your job at the same time, it's impossible. Your mind will just be focused on the one person that's more important to you than all the rest instead of the objective, and it always ends up getting them killed. It happens all the time. A soldier cannot fully dedicate their life to humanity's cause if they'll be distracted with worry over a significant other. You can't do both. It's either one or the other, that's it. And anyone who tries to do both by liking someone is a fucking dumbass and deserves to die, because that's all they'll ever be good for."

I don't know where all of that came from. A toxic concoction of the Corps impending disbandment along with my own personal struggles have congealed into one, festering mess, and has now reached the point that the only way to get rid of it is to throw it up in some hate filled rant. It's wrong, to just suddenly throw all that out there like this, I know it is, but I just couldn't take it anymore. The inner struggle I've had to deal with concerning my feelings for Avian and doing my duty, coupled with her shenanigans tonight, her insistence on finding out what is wrong with me, her determination to try and start convincing me to be happy…. It was just too much.

But now the words and frustration have run out. The buildup I've had for weeks has drastically been alleviated, and as I stand there, letting my heart return to a normal pace, I'm aware that I feel lighter. I had no idea just how much pressure I've had built up inside, but now that that strain is gone I feel one hundred percent better and more like myself.

'_Maybe a good vent was all I needed.' _I muse, feeling pretty good about myself, but as the redness fades from my vision and I return to my body, I cast my eyes upwards and my heart plummets.

She didn't move a fraction the entire time I fumed, wrists still pinned above her head in a vice grip, and I'm horrified to see that Avian looks on the brink of tears. Her eyes are wide, jaw slack, and her gaze holds so much hurt that it physically pains me to see it.

I spy all manners of emotions play across her pale face, second after second going by without her speaking a word, and with each tick my throat burns more and more.

I don't know what to say. I fucked up, just like I always do. I lost control of myself _again_, and now I'm forced to watch it affect the only person of whom I wish could have never heard that.

She is silent, staring at me with those round blue eyes, and almost as if in slow motion she opens her mouth an utters a simple, soft, heartbroken phrase.

"I like you..."

I can almost feel acid pierce the center of my chest.

'_I'm an asshole, a straight up fucking dickheaded asshole.'_

All of my irritation is gone, fallen down the yawning pit that has now formed in my stomach. I fucked up. I fucked up _bad_. It's just like that night all those months ago, when she told me she was dating that Tubber bastard, I cut her down back then too. My eyes are frozen wide, unable to look away from her, and it's her expression that wrenches me so deeply.

She was so happy just a few hours ago. I watched her as she laughed and sung with the others, but now all that joy is dead because of me. Her face is so _heartbroken_ with her shoulders fallen loose and her eyes glistening with wetness, yet even with as dejected as she appears there is one emotion that I do not see, and it is that realization that kills me the most.

There is no surprise. All other emotions dance in her orbs, but in that befuddlement of emotion, she doesn't look surprised by my outburst at all. It's like...

'… _she expected this to happen.'_

What sort of person am I? What sort of unredeemable douchebag am I? It shouldn't be this way. Never should she expect this from me, NEVER. But obviously she does.

I want to hit myself for my own stupidity. **I **made this happen; **I **caused her to expect this from me. Out of all the people on this shitty planet, Avian is the one person who I've never wanted this to happen to, but how it has.

She still hasn't moved, body paused in a moment of time, but even though she makes no sound, face stoic as if trying to remain composed, the water in her eyes still builds.

'_No.'_

My hands hastily let go of their grip upon her, allowing her arms to fall down to her sides, and they automatically move to cup her face.

'_No no no no no no….' _Is all I can think as her eyes bunch slightly at my touch, and a single tear finally escapes and carves a trail down her cheek. _'No no no… please don't cry… please….'_

I'm frozen. I don't know what to do. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I truly didn't.

I gape at her helplessly as she takes a deep, shuttering breath, causing another tear to fall. She's fighting so hard to stay composed, but she's quickly losing her battle. There is no hiding how deeply my words wounded her, and watching her struggle against herself is pure torture.

My mind is a complete blank, wiped clean in shock, yet as more and more water escapes from between her dark lashes, something happens.

I move without thinking, driven by some deeply rooted instinct, and before I even realize what I'm doing, our lips meet. It's quick, just a light brush before I catch hold of myself and draw away, but by then it's already too late.

Avian looks just as surprised as I feel, both of our eyes wide at what I had just done, and for a foolish moment I believe that I'm in control again. However, in the next heartbeat my chest constricts to an extreme degree, the fire I've been feeling off and on ever since our day in Inner Stohess raking my entire body, and suddenly I don't feel like fighting it anymore.

Still holding her face I draw her to me again, and this time I don't hold back.

A feeling like lightning strikes through my body. Never could I have imagined she would taste this sweet. There is nothing but the lingering hint of the hot tea she had drunk and the sugariness of dessert upon her lips, and she's so _soft_. I want nothing more than to drown in her, to lose myself in everything that she is; her tenderness, her sweetness, her beauty…. It's intoxicating.

Oh God how I've wanted this.

I don't think. I can't think. My world consists of nothing but her; aware of nothing but the feel of her against me. I hardly notice that I've leaned forward, pushing her gently against the door in my want to be as close to her as possible, and to my delight Avian allows me.

She responds to everything I do. The closer I push against her, the more she melts back into me. When my hands slide to thread into her hair, her own delicate fingers glide over my shoulders to keep me there. The deeper I kiss her, the more passionately she kisses back.

For just this moment, there is nothing but us. There is no Corps, no army, no humanity. There are no titans, no miseries, no death. For once there is nothing but goodness and wonder and beauty, and I greedily take of it all.

I've no idea how long we stay like that, I couldn't care less if it had been years, but at some point air calls to us and with one final, longing kiss we break. Both of us take to catching our breaths, and with my forehead leaning against hers, I just stare. Those blue eyes are so close to me, stunning in their brilliance, and I wonder over the intricate pattern of her irises as if they are the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I bask in her vision, those ocean orbs staring back at me in such complete abandon, but even a scene as wonderful as this has to come to an end.

All at once realization hits me at what has just happened, and my chest freezes.

'_What have I done?'_

In a flash as if her skin were on fire I let her go and step back. I shouldn't have done this, I shouldn't have even thought about it. I'm in too deep, so far so that I know I'll never be able to recover. This is exactly what Erwin was trying to prevent, what _I've _been trying to prevent. This can't happen. We are soldiers. Either of us could die at any moment. There is no room for love here, and even worse I'm her superior. Our relations are completely illicit, even if she is in another squad. Romances between cadets and officers is completely forbidden, they break rank, and we could be discharged for what we have just done.

A rigid force takes hold of me then, and as smooth as ice my face falls back into its customary emotionless mask. Without warning I gently draw a surprised looking Avian away from the door and open it.

"Sleep."

My order is bland and curt, and I can feel her gaze upon me, but before she can speak or I can crack in resolve, I step out and close the door behind me.

I walk upstairs in a daze, everything and nothing running through my mind, and without having to think about it I clean myself up, change out of uniform, and crawl into bed.

The sheets feel stiff against my skin as I stare at the ceiling, and my body is held still as my consciousness battles in my head. I messed up…. I messed up and gave in. A sinking feeling pulls at me then, and I wonder what the hell will happen now. All I can do is hope that no one finds out, Erwin especially. He warned me about becoming too involved with her, but it's too late. I'll never come back from this, she's my weakness now, yet even weighted down with apprehension at what will come a higher, more potent energy fuels my limbs.

Even though I'm alone I can still feel the warmth of her body against my chest, and when I close my eyes I can feel her lips against mine and taste the sweetness of her.

My chest tightens. I want more, I'm desperate for her.

I shift to my side, draw my sheets to me, and dig my face into my pillow pretending it's her, but it just isn't the same. I want the feel of her delicate body against mine, the warmth of her arms upon my shoulders, the softness of her hair in my fingers and brushing against my face. I want _her_.

My eyes remain closed the entire night, but I do not come close to sleeping.

***Author's Note***

I really, truly, honestly cannot say anything except that I'm so, so sorry. I was without computer for about a month and a half, and I have been so exhausted from work that I could cry, but that is no excuse. This shouldn't have been this late, and I apologize for any typos and errors. Lightning struck my house a while ago while I was writing and killed the computer, so I lost everything and had to start over. That plus work… I worked over 60 hours that one week… I just…. I want to cry. I really, really do. I still hope that these past two installments are acceptable, but I won't feel bad if you guys get on to me about these chapters turning out like shit, because I know it did. I won't write too much today, I just wanted to get this done and out because I've made you guys wait long enough already.

**LightMidnight- **I'm glad you are enjoying the story so much, and thank you for the support! I'm glad it helps you with your own writing as well. We authors have to support each other!

**AzTec999- **Thank you for the review and compliments! As you've probably noticed I always fret over Levi being in character, so it always helps to keep hearing that I write him well. And Avi is a bit like Luna isn't she? Never thought about that before but it makes sense. Luna is a tad more _out there _though, which I love. Stay weird Luna.

**FearIsAnIllusion13- **Please don't cry! Hopefully you aren't to mad at me for making you wait for another update after so long! *cries* I'm glad you are enjoying the story!

**Guest- **I highly appreciate the critique, and I'll do my best to showcase her intelligence later on. I admit that I have not done that well enough, but that is what you guys are for, to help us writers hone our craft. Please, if there is anything else you'd like to mention for me to work on, please do!

**Guest- **Well, hopefully my story doesn't ever make you want to gag into your cats litter box. That's not good lol. I thank you for your support, and we can bask together in anxious waiting cause after this chapter… I've no idea if the ship has arrived at Canon island yet. That's for Levi to decide.

**Aboutaweekago- **I thank you so much for your support and internet cookies. They make me happy c: I do very much like Jean and Erwin as well. They are highly interesting, and I'd love to see how far they will go. Oh, and Sasha too, cause she went from slight comic relief potato girl to massive BAMF in, like, a single chapter. You go girl!

**Punkiebug84- **First off before I forget, if you haven't found it already you can read the manga at for free. Anyway, back to the reply, I thank you so much for your positive words. I need them desperately as of late, and it gives me such encouragement to keep on going even when I'm feeling like utter shit. As far as the illicit relationship is concerned, the way I understand it is that relationships period are a no go in the military, as people become distracted. It can also lead to some nasty usurp of power if handled incorrectly, and officers who are in love with another soldier may have their judgment clouded out of concern for their significant other, thus threatening the possibility of making a sound decision. That's how I take it anyway.

**Guest- **You better catch up on some sleep now. I've made you wait long enough as it is… *cries* Hopefully these two chapters were worth the wait.

**OrangeWithAfro- **'Your neck is closer to the ground than mine'… I nearly killed myself over that. God I love Hanji so much lol. I really do thank you for your concern about my health as well. It really means a lot to me, and I do try to take care of myself, but it's pretty difficult. Just a word to the wise, don't go into retail and NEVER go into management, especially if it deals with stocking and you are the only one in your department. 60 hour weeks are not fun, trust me.

**Wendy- **Is this the same as Orange, cause those review are PRETTY SIMILAR *stares* I'm just kidding lol, but I thank you for your concern as well. Just as I stated above I'll do my best but eh… we shall see. Oh, and the weather is bipolar here… yesterday it was in the 90's and blistering hot, today it's freaking storming and I'm having to wear two jackets. Yeah…

**Anahita with flowers- **I thank you for the review! And I'm glad you are enjoying the story and everything still seems to be going nicely. I do my best!

**Jin95- **Alright calm down there speedy, TWO DAYS!? OAO You have my respect reader. *bows* I hope my writing continues to improve and the pace isn't to horrid (aside from these past two chapters cause we all know I jacked that up…)

Alrighty, well I guess that is it for now. I can safely say that all the relationship development shit is pretty much over now, and next chappy will be return to action as the squad has a mission to complete, but hopefully I'll get it out sooner than I did this. I don't know… Luck has been bad here lately. Anyway, thank you everyone for all your support and lovely comments. As always please leave your thoughts and comments in a review and I'll see you all next chapter.

-Ambi

**EDIT: **Forgot to add on the songs xD *shot* Anywho for those who are interested in them, links for the two songs Téir Abhaile Riú and Mo Ghile Mear sung by Avian in this chapter can be found on my profile page C:


	29. Never as Planned

Chapter 26:

**Never as Planned**

"_Tal? That was the village we tried to settle in before the fall of Maria, right?"_

_Erwin gives a stern nod._

"_The very same Hanji." He states as he gazes over the handful number of people in the room before dropping his eyes back down to the map splayed out before him. "Seeing as you all were there at that time, I'm certain you remember why such a location is so important."_

"_It's ideal for an outpost." Hanji speaks up again, her face uncustomarily serious, and she leans over the table slightly to drag her fingers across the map. "It's a small abandoned village about twenty kilometers out from Shiganshina. It was originally a smithing village so it has many large, stone built buildings and homes that can encompass a generous number of people as well as metal working supplies that we can use for weapon repair. Not only that..." she explains, planting her finger on a ring of greenery surrounding the two dimensional village , "...but it's settled in the valley of a ring of large, tree covered hills, giving it a natural barrier against titans. With a small creek fed by underground springs found just outside the tree line, it's practically self sustaining."_

_As she finishes, Erwin leans back in his chair and folds his fingers neatly across the table._

"_I spoke with Darius yesterday morning." he begins. "According to him, the process of returning all the refugees is going smoother than originally planned. Dot Pixis agreed to lend around two thousand soldiers more than the previously agreed five thousand, and with that coupled with the near entire might of the MIlitary Police of three thousand, there is sufficient manpower to fuel the effort. Because of this, Darius has agreed to give us a 'window of opportunity' of sorts. Seeing as how the Mass Relocation effort is not in immediate need of our assistance, he is willing to give the Corps just enough funds for one, single mission, and based on the outcome of this mission, he will decide whether or not to dissolve our affiliation."_

_A certain gravity presses down upon us from above, both metaphorically and tangibly, and my jaw sets just a fraction tighter as Erwin lets his statement hang in the air before continuing._

"_The reason I have chosen this particular mission is because not only does Tal offer an insurmountable value as a self sustaining military post outside the Walls, but it is one of the most straightforward and least risky options we have. With dissolution dangling above our heads, we cannot afford to take any unnecessary risks at this time, and with that being said, there is one thing I must stress to you three above all else."_

_My eyes and attention narrow as Hanji leans forward in her chair beside me, and Mike shifts his head to listen in from where he stands against the wall. Erwin looks out at each of us in turn with a gaze that feels as if he is stabbing us, and mutters in a deep tone._

"_Everything must go according to plan. The moment a single soldier steps out of line or skews an order, the entire operation could be jeopardized. I'm counting on you three to keep your respective teams together and on goal. Do not let a single one of your soldiers deviate from our plan here. It's imperative that this expedition goes as smoothly as possible with limited deaths. We should not give Darius any reason to believe that we cannot perform our duty cleanly and efficiently. Am I clear?"_

_None of us verbally answer, but our stoney silence is a response in itself. Reaching over his desk to grab up a small stack of papers, Erwin gives each of us a few sheets each._

"_These are the mission specific details." he explains as I quickly scan my eyes over the papers. "Everything you need to know is there. Hanji, you will be head of the Rear Guard, MIke, the Middle, with Levi at the head.. All soldiers have already been divided among you depending on skill level and duty. All medical squads, veterinary squads, as well as the Aid and Relief squad shall be dispersed across the formation and be lead separately."_

"_Will there be a communication specific squad to relay information?" Mike questions, gazing over his own papers. "Once we get into the tree ring, signal flares will be next to useless."_

"_I've already developed a separate five member group just for that." Erwin affirms. "The group will be led by Armin Arlert, and they will be stationed in the very heart of the formation. Once we gain access to the forest, their service will be invaluable, so I expect constant updates on your situations from all three of you..."_

"_Alright, we get it old man."_

_At my voice all eyes turn to me as I neatly fold my reports and cross my arms over my chest._

"_You sound like a damn nanny with all your fussing." I muse with a hint of sardonic tone. "You act as if we've never done this before."_

"_It is not that I doubt your capabilities, Levi." Erwin replies calmly, "It is simply that we cannot afford to botch this mission. Would you risk making all the deaths we've had until now vain?"_

"_What sort of stupid ass question is that."_

"_Would you?"_

_It is a simple question, but I do nothing but narrow my eyes and let my silence speak for itself. Moments of nothingness pass before Erwin accepts my lack of answer. Brow creased with stoic thought, he nods to us._

"_The cream of all of our efforts rides solely on the credibility of this mission. If the fruits of our labors do not meet or exceed the cost, then the Recon Corps and all of our sacrifice will have been for nothing. See to it that not one soldier steps out of line, and that decisions are not compromised because of circumstance…."_

"Oh boy, I'm soooooo EXCITED!"

The tense rubber band that was my thoughts snaps at the sound of an obnoxiously loud voice. Instantly the scene of Erwin's office fades away and the city around me pulls into focus. In the short second or so it takes for my mind to recognize where I am that obstructive voice from before sounds again, this time much, much closer, and before I can turn around a weight latches onto my shoulder.

"A mission outside the Walls, Levi. OUTSIDE THE WALLS! IT'S BEEN LIKE FIFTY YEARS SINCE WE LAST WENT OUT THERE!" Hanji nearly screams, my shoulder held captive in a vice grip of unadulterated psychotic frenzy. "OH I WONDER WHAT SORT OF TITANS I'LL SEE THIS TIME! I BET THEY'LL ALL BE WONDERFUL AND SO HAPPY TO SEE ME! WHAT IF WE SEE SOME ABERRANTS!? THAT WOULD BE SO COOL! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET ONE WITH, LIKE, TWO OR THREE EXTRA LIMBS, OR MAYBE A CYCLOPS! WHAT IF WE SEE ONE THAT ACTUALLY HAS ANATOMICALLY PROPORTIONATE AND SEXUALLY FUNCTIONAL GENI….!?"

There is a notable crack of teeth snapping together, and Hanji's incoherent rambling stops when I abruptly shove my free hand into her face.

"Say another word and I'll snap your damn neck."

Hanji's horse sidesteps allowing the scientist to break her face away from my grip, and though I keep my eyes strongly forward I can head the woman groan.

"'ell oor ima grate mood 'oday…." she mutters, and I can just barely catch glimpse of her rubbing her jaw. "Wats eat'n ya?"

I ignore her.

"Oh don't be like that." Hanji pouts, and despite having nearly broken her jaw she saunters her horse up next to mine. "This is great for us! It's our first time going outside Maria in around a year and a half, and just look!"

At this she waves her arm outward toward the buildings around us, and though I refuse to follow her motion with my eyes, I can do nothing to drown out the cheers and excited roar rising around us.

"Look at all these people!" Hanji exclaims with smile in her voice. "The Corps haven't had this much support in, like, EVER. People are actually SUPPORTING us. It's amazing."

'_It really is amazing….'_

Truth be told, I'm not sure how to take this new found support. After so many years of having the common populace hate our guts for bringing home drove after drove of dead soldiers with next to nothing to show for it, the scene before me now is almost surreal. Hundreds of people have turned up to line the streets, their voices cluttering up the air and the sharp snaps of hands clapping punctuate the atmosphere. It's true, due to our surprising progress and rate of success, what with taking back Rose and Maria along with opening up the window for refugees to finally return to their hometowns, civilian support for our cause has never been stronger. Yet even with that light of encouragement a shroud dampens me, and I can't bring myself to bother with lightening my frigid attitude.

A scowl carves my face and I narrow my eyes against the thrumming of voices.

"Tell them to shut the hell up."

Hanji pouts.

"Man, did someone slip feces into your morning coffee or something? I knew Erwin made a mistake back then. The man forced me to stay home during the holidays, so I wasn't able to hang out with you guys. I couldn't even experiment! That's bullcrap!"

The more Hanji talks the more annoyed I become, but I guess she either doesn't notice or just doesn't care for she keeps it up.

"See, this is what happens when I don't bother you once in awhile. You turn into a grumpy old grouch and ruin everyone's excitement. Eld told me that you didn't even seem to have fun when you and your team had dinner together. It's a shame I wasn't there to spice things up a bit…. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter anyway, 'cause you know… I heard about what happened…."

Instantly my attention snaps into sharp focus, and my body tenses in apprehension of its own accord.

'_Impossible. There's no way...'_

Somewhere deep in my sleep deprived brain a vivid course of memory slams itself into my consciousness; a quick, instantaneous image of ginger hair and blue eyes accompanied by sensations of warmth upon my lips and chest, and heat rises in me.

All through the past few days I have successfully distracted myself from thinking about that night. I have willingly buried myself under mounds of paperwork to keep myself secluded in my office so as I may avoid a certain soldier, though I have no real idea as to why. Even days after that spur of the moment happening, I've yet to come to a full conclusion as to how I feel about said moment. It was so quick, so unplanned, that silent act of emotion and rebellion, yet it strikes me deep into my core so much so that I am completely at a lost as to how to deal with it. It's a confuzzlement of emotion so strong that I have all but hardened up just to keep myself sane, and what little interaction I have with people is always curt and largely full of unwarranted spite.

So it is of no surprise to me when my first reaction to Hanji's comment is to harshly snatch her up by her collar and snarl in her face.

"You say anything about that and I swear I'll cut off your arms and legs and offer you up as fucking titan bait."

The scientist blinks, highly taken aback, and though it's nearly freezing outside I actually spy a bead of sweat slowly make it's way down her temple.

"Wow, you still this upset over that? Calm down and pull that stick out of your ass Levi, it was just an accident you know. Oluo even apologized."

'_Oluo?'_

For a moment I'm caught off guard, but then with a flash of insight I realize just what Zoe is talking about.

'_She means the damn spider thing.' _I ponder, remembering how Oluo had scared Avian with that huge arachnid and caused her to break that glass and cut her hand.

All at once a wave of wary relief floods me, and my grip upon Hanji loosens just a fraction. I can feel the woman's eyes gazing at me curiously, and instead of giving her the satisfaction of seeing my so relieved, I give her a good shove and take up my reins.

"It isn't important, so forget about it. We're about to leave."

Before us the large, metallic gate that divides Stohess from the outside world is almost completely open. From my peripheral I see Hanji open her mouth to say something else, but she is cut off abruptly by Erwin's booming voice. It's the same encouragement he says before every expedition, and I only half listen.

Now that it has been brought to my attention, I'm preoccupied with trying to push away the sudden thoughts that now plague my mind, though it is easier said than done. It seems the harder I try to push it to the back of my mind, the stronger the heat upon my body feels, and the more vivid the bright, blue eyes in my conscious seem to be.

So difficult is it for me to regain my focus that I am startled when the formation begins to move.

"Levi, come on!"

Hanji's voice and the sound of hundreds of hooves breaks through my haze, and with great effort I hone in on the wide expanse of green ahead and surge forward.

xXx

"READY YOUR FLARES!"

Galloping just behind Erwin the formation as a whole tenses in unison. The past five and a half hours of druggery slowly riding through the countryside of Wall Rose into Maria are instantly wiped away. Soldiers all around lay hands on their holsters and, after a briefly held breath, the front lines burst through the open Shiganshina gate and scatter into the world beyond. With ease gained from experience all soldiers fall into their place: wagons filled with essential supplies hoard the middle while a ring of living flesh protects it from the outside.

Giving my horse a solid nudge I too fall into place. The sound of five other horses follow suit as my own squad, along with Eren in the middle, file in behind me.

Though the sun shines bright and clear above us it's cold as balls out here, an estimated one or two degrees celsius wind chill, and I pull up my hood in a vain attempt to ward off the biting air.

"Levi."

At his call I quicken my pace to steady myself by Erwin's side.

"Tal is straight through the bottleneck pass, which we will enter in around an hour. I'm going to fall back and make rounds to make sure everyone is keeping close. We'll need a tight formation to fit through the valley." He instructs, gazing ahead. "Normally I would never leave the head, but I must ensure that…."

"That nothing gets fucked up, I know."

The blond turns a steady eye at my harsh tone but does not address it.

"This could be the most vital operation we've ever had to take on. I'm trusting you to help lead these soldiers to our goal. Can you do that?"

I let out a scornful scoff.

"You insult me, though I'm surprised it isn't Mike up here."

"I need him to maintain the central column and ensure that all of our supply wagons survive the journey, as well as be the center hub for communications between you, Hanji, and I."

I merely shrug at his explanation.

"Whatever. Do what you like."

I can feel Erwin's eyes accessing me and I almost expect him to speak up about my obviously disgruntled attitude, but without another word he nods and veers away, looping back around to head back the way we came. Suddenly, it just becomes me; no other soldiers lead the way and none ride by my sides. The entirety of our force follows at my heels, and now that Erwin is gone and I am truly alone, weight rests across my shoulders and the bag filled with flares hanging by my leg feels much more important than before.

"Titan spotted on the left!"

Gunther's voice rings out behind me, and I turn to see the hulking monstrosity he is referring too running a fair distance from us, but closing in fast.

'_Showtime.'_

I don't even have to think before I find a flare cap in my hands, and it's only a second later that I fire a single, green flare high into the sky. It arches gracefully to the right, and taking up my reins I steer my steed to follow it.

Kilometers of chilled, stiff ground pass us, numbing our limbs and stealing our breath but we push on without falter. All I'm aware of is the thunder of hooves as we ride, swerving to avoid titans on either side at an increasing speed. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left again. Over and over we alter our course, struggling to carve our way forward.

It is brutal, long, and draining in a way that I have yet to experience doing anything else, but I keep my will going. Somewhere behind me Erwin is making his rounds, providing vital protection for our cargo and certainly helping to keep the moral and battle spirit within our soldiers alight. Missions like these are the hardest to endure. Spanning over hours of open land while being battered on both sides by the weather and those hideous monstrosities alike, it's so easy for men to lose their drive and become lax with exhaustion, so I guess it's better to have their beloved Commander riding with them to alleviate their fears and drive away fatigue.

But salvation is on the brink of the horizon, for in the hazy distance a thin line of darkness slowly rises to greet our sight.

Behind me, Petra lets out a cheer.

"The pass!"

"About time. I don't think I've ever been so glad to see trees." Oluo adds on roughly. "We can finally let up a bit."

"Don't lower your guard yet Oluo." Gunther swiftly chastises the man. "The mission isn't over."

I don't turn to look behind me, but I catch the tail end of a deep scoff and the tan haired man's reply.

"I think I know that, I was just saying…."

"Then get your head back in the game and take up your reins." Gunther tells him sternly.

A string of hushed mutterings is Oluo's only reply as we round the crest of a small hill and start to descend, the treeline coming up upon us. Giving the area around us a quick scan, I allow myself to release a small breath of relief.

'_Not a titan in sight. Good. We'll just push right on through then.'_

Just as the thought crosses my mind an extra pair of hooves sounds behind me, and casting a glance over my shoulder I spy a single lone horse and rider making his way to us, blond hair flying.

'_Arlert.'_

I ease up just a bit to allow the much younger soldier to catch up, and it only takes a second or two before he pulls up right beside me.

"Corporal," he addresses in that serious tone he always uses, "the rear lines and center column have fallen behind due to the sudden appearance of a group of aberrants to our west flank. The combat units seem to have it under control, but Erwin has requested that the front lines slow their pace."

"How far behind are they?"

"About a kilometer, maybe a little more."

I take a moment to analyze this new information and scan my eyes across the horizon again. This news obviously isn't urgent, so that's a good sign that we don't need to take immediate action.

'_So in that case….'_

"Tell Erwin that I'll halt the front line once we reach the pass." I calmly instruct, the blond nodding his head in answer. "Once I make sure every soldier is stationed inside I'll loop back around and meet up with the rest of the formation."

"Understood."

Pulling away, Arlert disappears just as quickly as he appeared and I focus once more on making our way forward. Such digilance is hardly needed, however, for it isn't long before the static rays of the winter sun above us are blocked out by evergreen branches, and thick trunks of all sizes surround us. We ride a little farther in, putting a good fifty meters of distance between us and the mouth of the pass before I slow my horse to a stop.

"Wait here."

My order sounds stern to the squad behind me, and I look at each of them in turn as they come to a halt as well.

"You'll be looping back around? We can go with you." Eld questions, and I shake my head.

"No need. From how Arlert spoke it isn't serious. I'm merely going back to lend a hand and make sure everyone is heading in the right direction. I need you four to stay here and guard Eren until I make it back. Understood?"

Oluo, Eld, Petra, and Gunther all nod in unison, and at the motion I give the steed under my legs a nudge to urge it back around, ready to head back the way we came.

"Eld, you are in charge; switch to 3D movement gear, station yourselves in the trees and keep the mouth of the pass clear."

Once again Eld nods.

Fully confident in him and the abilities of my squad I barely feel any sort of worry toward them; they have proven their skill to me many times and are some of the most proficient veterans in the entire Corps, though there is a single anomaly among them. Passing over the older soldiers I turn to address the green eyed teenager stuck pointedly in the middle of the huddle.

"Eren, obey each and every order Eld gives you without question, and do not under any circumstance shift forms. You can do that little at least, can't you?"

Eren's body locks rigid at my stern voice and habitually takes on an air of serious formality.

"Y… yes sir!"

For a moment I stare at him, this puny soldier who is still practically a kid, and muse over the obvious gravity plastered on his face. He's still green and has a hell of a lot to learn, but just as I feel for the rest of my squad, not for a second do I doubt his capability or his dedication. Looking into that face stern with purpose, the face of humanity's hope, then take in the faces of the rest of my group, I cannot help but feel a slight bit of pride.

'_Eld Jin, Oluo Bozado, Gunther Schultz, Petra Ral, Eren Jeager….' _Each of their names form in my mind, and with each name resolution hardens in my spirit. '_Our counterattack begins today.'_

Taking less than the span of a single heartbeat to memorize all their faces, I shuffle the reins in my hands with a scoff and turn away.

"Good." I tell the young soldier over my shoulder. "I don't feel like dealing with you if you go rogue. You're troublesome enough as it is."

Without another word I urge my horse forward and the sound of straining wires and bursts of gas from behind me send me off. Gliding my way back through the front of the formation, threading between unfamiliar soldiers as they too hop off their steeds and leap into the trees, I burst back out into the plain and make my way toward the rest of our force.

It doesn't take long, and though the majority of the formation had fallen way behind, it was in surprisingly good shape. Out of our thirty or so supply carts we've only lost one, and overall casualties can be counted on a single hand, which is a miracle in itself. Patrol after patrol pass me by as I engage them, snuffing out danger as swiftly at it arises, and it isn't long before I am met by Erwin, Mike and Hanji riding together near the center.

"OI! SHORTY! NICE OF YOU TO SHOW UP!" Hanji's loud ass voice carries over the wind as I approach, and she beams at me with a large smile as I steer my way over to ride beside her. "We almost had a situation back there, it was NUTS!"

I merely blink in response to her outburst and turn my attention to the always calm Erwin on Hanji's opposite side.

"Combat?"

Erwin nods.

"A good bit. We got surrounded and were forced to double back…."

"IT WAS CRAZY!"

Both Erwin and I turn in unison to the scientist, and both of us have to jolt back in our saddles as the woman flings her arms out.

"THERE WERE LIKE THIRTY OF 'EM!" she screams, that mad maniacal expression I loathe with every fiber of my being plastered on her face. "THEY CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, A WHOLE GROUP OF 'EM! ALL ABERRANTS TOO! IT WAS SO WEIRD AND AWESOME AND THEY ALL HAD SUCH ADORABLE FACES AND AHHHHHHH! I WISH I COULD HAVE CAPTURED ONE!"

At this point it's highly apparent that the last of Hanji's sanity has left as she grips her hair, a crazed laugh escaping her lips, and it if it weren't for me having had to deal with this idiot for years, and the fact that she's kind of vital to our research on titans, I wouldn't hesitate to snap her skinny neck on the spot. But since she IS important, I'm forced to do nothing except accept her momentary relapse and change positions so that I ride beside Erwin. With the psycho woman occupied by her own thoughts I pressure Erwin for more information.

"Is that true?"

Once again Erwin nods, keeping his eyes steadily forward as we ride.

"It certainly was an abnormal event." he explains. "We were not to far behind the front lines when they first appeared; a large group of them numbering around twenty to thirty. No one from the right flank noticed them until they were nearly upon us, as if they appeared out of thin air. They surrounded us, and we had no choice but to engage in combat."

His explanation is plain enough, but for as even as his tone may be I can sense that something is off. Having served underneath him for years, I know him like the back of my hand, so when I spy a slight narrowing of his eyes and rigidness of jaw I automatically tense.

"There is something else."

My statement hangs in the chilling air for a moment before Mike, who rides on Erwin's opposite side and has kept quiet thus far, answers on his behalf.

"Yes."

The senior soldier casts his eyes to me for only a split second, just enough to relay to me that what he has to say next is of utter importance, before focusing ahead once again.

"Their appearance wasn't an accident." he begins. "In both the middle and rear lines there are ten perimeter scouts on each flank, numbering twenty total to a side. I specifically chose only the most experienced soldiers for these positions to ensure the greatest evasion rate for the formation. Twenty experienced soldiers riding on the right flank, and none of them spotted the aberrants until they were nearly on top of us. They appeared all together, almost like a herd, and even though they all came from one direction, they somehow managed to surround us on all sides…."

With each word tension builds in my body, and I cast my eyes to Erwin only to find him staring straight ahead.

"What does that sound like to you, Levi?" he asks.

I narrow my gaze.

"Sounds like the damn things learned to think."

Erwin keeps the silence for a moment before he picks up where Mike left off.

"What's more, not only did they appear to show signs of intelligence in their movements, their behavior was highly abnormal as well. While engaging them in combat, it became blatant that there was something off. Their movements were slow and minimal, and perhaps that can be attributed to the low temperature, but I have a feeling that there is something more to it."

At last he finally turns bold blue eyes to me, and his voice reverberates with gravity.

"Unlike normal titans we've encountered before, these weren't wild and instinct driven. A few were able to take down a couple of our men, yet the majority of them did not offer much of a fight. To add to that, the few soldiers we lost were killed and forgotten. None of the titans showed any interest in eating them, and even as we were able to kill them one after another, they never broke their formation, only moving whenever we would try to break free and charge forward. It's almost as if…."

"...they were stalling…." I finish.

A surge of dire apprehension sears my veins as realization takes hold of me, and by the way Erwin sharply urges his horse forward with more force than intended, I know he has realized it as well.

"Mike, stay back and guide the rest of the soldiers to safety. Hanji, come with us."

Erwin's curt order slices straight through the wind. Mike does nothing more than nod his head and pulls back slightly to put himself deeper into the formation while Hanji's crazed raving ends in an abrupt halt. Like the flip of a lever her expression hardens, all traces of insanity gone.

Hands wrapped white knuckled about my reins I swiftly follow my commander with Hanji right on my heels and we speed across the cold, dead plain as sure as the wind. The freezing winter cold stings my eyes and nose and chills me to the bone despite the many layers of clothing I wear underneath my mantle, yet even as I start to lose feeling in my fingers the sensation is but a dull throb compared to the heat of building adrenaline burning in my chest.

Rounding the crest of a hill the dark line that makes up the mouth of the bottleneck pass appears upon the horizon. Though we are still much to far away my eyes automatically scan the tree branches for signs of life, yet it's impossible to tell if there are any soldiers waiting for us among the leaves.

For a moment, surrounded by open air with nothing but rushing wind and galloping hooves playing in my ears, the quiet feels almost maddening.

Then, far ahead of us from somewhere deep within the copse of trees, a great bolt of yellow lightning falls, and a deep, throaty roar breaks the sky.

My breathing stops cold.

Without so much as a word Hanji, Erwin and I simultaneously kick our horses forward and race toward the sound. Beside me, Hanji clenches her teeth.

"First the hoard, now this…. You don't think…."

She doesn't even bother finishing her statement, for there is no reason to. All three of us already know what this means.

'_But…'_ I ponder darkly, '_... why now? This is our first mission outside Wall Maria since it's fall. There is no way they could have known unless….'_

A cold thought crosses my mind, and I cast a glance over to Hanji to see that she is already looking at me. The instant our eyes meet a sort of connection is made, a silent communication that can only be built up over battling alongside someone for years, and without having to utter a single word grim understanding crosses the woman's face, and she nods.

'_There's a traitor among us.'_

It's just like how it was almost a year and a half ago on the 57th expedition, except this time as far as I know there is no evidence to help us narrow down our black sheep. My mind wishes to turn its wheels, to analyze and calculate every movement and word spoken by all the soldiers in our company in search of anything that may lend a hint to who that damn soldier is, but I force it aside. Speculating can wait. For now we need to concentrate on making it back to my squad.

The closer we get to the pass, the stronger my body tenses, and in the snap of a finger we are suddenly surrounded by trees, and the wind dies instantly into a cool hush. The absence of sound is eerie in its own right, and the deeper we travel into the forest the darker the world becomes. Sunlight is squeezed into near nonexistence by threading branches of thick leaves and needles making the path we are on into a sort of natural tunnel, and not a single living thing is in sight.

I glance at Erwin a pace or two ahead, already prepared to obey any order he gives me, but he remains silent, stoic as he stays focused on the narrow way ahead. Both Hanji and I scour the passing branches with hawk like eyes searching for any sign of movement, but there is none.

"You did lead the front lines here, right?" Hanji asks to which I scowl.

"We'll find them." I assure her sternly, urging my horse faster. "If it's one thing I'm certain of, it's that they're somewhere close to where the Rouge Titan is."

At the end of my statement, my grip tightens.

'_Eren.'_

As much as the boy gives me hell and headache, he isn't one to disobey orders. For him to go and transform, directly disregarding my leadership….

'_Nothing short of hell has broken loose.'_

Coincidentally or not, the moment that thought crosses my mind the silence is broken again by a deafening inhuman roar, and not a second after does the entire ground beneath our feet shake with impact.

"Damn it!"

The horses beneath us wheeze from cold and exertion but we do not stop. We careen around corners and sharp bends without slowing down, and as we make our way around a particularly dense section of foliage Erwin sharply jerks his horse, narrowly dodging a large obstruction hanging from the branches. Hanji, following a step behind him, nearly hits her head, and even I have to maneuver abruptly and duck my head to avoid hitting it as well. Wetness lands on my face as I pass by it, and I reflexively growl at the offending liquid.

'_Disgusting.' _I sneer, forced to just wipe it on the sleeve of my uniform.

Ahead of me Erwin glances back, to make sure we are still keeping up I assume, and I see his gaze shift to sit on something behind me. Something flashes in his eyes almost like a shadow, and I can't help but be compelled to check behind me as well.

My eyes automatically lock on to the offending obstruction from before, a long, skinny object dangling from a mess of branches. Long trails of liquid drip from its many limbs, coloring the forest floor beneath it, and the longer I stare at that shape, the sharper my nails dig into my palms.

'_No...'_

Knives of regret pierce my ribs, a pain so deep I feel it in my core, and I stare back into the lifeless brown eyes of Gunther as if I can bring him back by sheer will.

He merely stares back at me through the crimson trails on his pale face, dark rivers formed from the open wound on his severed neck.

I force myself to look away.

I can feel Hanji's eyes upon me, hardened by harsh reality but she doesn't speak, for there are no words to say. Instead we keep our gaze dutifully focused on the back of Erwin's head, unwavering even as more and more bodies begin to litter the ground around us. Dozens upon dozens of soldiers lay in crumpled heaps, using their grievous wounds and missing limbs to bathe the foliage in deep maroon.

It isn't long before the sounds of battle meet our ears, and with a simple gesture Erwin, Hanji and I all abandon our steeds and take to the sky. Trees pass by in a blur as the clanking of swords and the screams of the dying become clearer, and I can feel searing in my limbs. Without thinking I draw my blades, as do the others, and together we burst through a curtain of leaves into the open.

There is chaos everywhere. What looks to be a hundred of our soldiers fly everywhere, their yells and screams deafening, and among the green mantels fights another group of people of which I've never seen before. They seem to have no uniform, and they move about the trees to quickly for me to identify their faces, but I needn't guess to know that these people are the enemy.

Barely after Erwin lifts his hand to order us to engage does a great hand fall down upon us. All three of us swivel in midair and swiftly gas ourselves toward the ground to avoid being snatched. Erwin shoots off his wires and flies just above the ground and back up into the sky as Hanji pulls a u-turn, flying around the trunk of a tree to head toward the way we just came. Thinking quickly I follow her lead, turning sharply around the same trunk and swing back around and up. Gaining altitude I lock onto the form of our attacker, and while I glide upwards a large head protected by hardened plates rises as well and a pair of familiar pupil-less gold eyes watch me.

Not even a heartbeat passes before the Armoured Titan makes his move, and I grunt and burst forward with gas as his fist smashes into the trees I was just in, splinters erupting in every direction. My left hand jerks, flipping my blade backwards, and pure energy surges through my veins.

In a flash I exit the trees again, narrowly dodging a Recon soldier slicing at one of the unknown assailants and loop around behind the Armoured. His head shifts to look back, but by that time I'm gone, a flicker of movement, and dig my swords into the weak point behind his knee.

I feel through my blade as the tendon there snaps and the great titan falls, it's leg crumpled underneath it like a twig. Twisting in midair I ready myself to lunge forward again but something in the corner of my eye catches my interest, and suddenly Erwin is by my side.

"Leave him."

Without a moment's hesitation I obey, swiftly turning away from the titan as a handful of other Recon soldiers fly in to attack, and follow Erwin upwards into the top most portion of the trees.

"Why did you stop me." I demand more than ask, giving the man a flat stare.

"We have a larger problem and him." is all he says.

I keep my irritation to myself as we fly high above the battle, and soon enough I spy Hanji standing on a branch far above us, waving us down. On his heels Erwin glides up first, landing beside the woman and I quickly follow. Retracting my gear as I do so, I land beside Erwin on what I thought was an empty limb, but in front of me are two other people; Eld, splayed out on his back, and Niche leaning over him, heavily applying pressure to the mantle she holds to his side.

Erwin, Hanji, and I all huddle around the two, and it is only when I get closer that I realize the severity of Eld's injury.

"Stupid fucker won't stop bleeding and the wound is festering." Niche curses under her breath, not even bothering to look up at us. "One of you give me something to add on here."

At her demand Erwin wordlessly takes off his cape and hands it to her. Niche, whose person is completely covered in sweat, dirt, and blood, impatiently pushes her disarrayed blond hair back behind her ear before gruffly taking the mantle, folding it, then slapping it on top of the old one which has long since been bled through.

Disregarding her rough behavior, Erwin motions for me to kneel before kneeling himself, and he gazes down at the fallen soldier for a moment before speaking.

"Tell Levi what you told me."

Since we had come up here Eld had neither moved nor spoken. He appears more like a corpse than an actually living being, what with his skin pale as snow and his eyes closed to the world, but at his commander's order the body beneath Niche's fingers comes to life and he opens his eyes. It takes him a moment of looking around, but he eventually finds me.

"C… Corporal…."

A small knife of pain stabs into me at his weak voice, but I swiftly brush it aside and edge closer.

"What is it?" I ask calmly.

Eld frowns, probably from pain, and grunts to answer.

"They came… out of nowhere…"

His voice is but a wheeze, and even that short of a reply appears to take enormous amounts of energy from him, but after taking a deep breath he continues in the most serious tone he can.

"Those soldiers… they came out of the trees. Dozens… of them. All at once. None of us knew… what was going on. They didn't… attack anyone in particular… but they were so fast, we couldn't… react… in…."

Eld suddenly winces, and he flinches as a sudden gush of vomit pours from his mouth in an unnatural reaction. Niche curses and does her best to lean him over as he spits more out, his body convulsing in a way that doesn't seem right, until he begins dry heaving, completely empty. After a minute the convulsions finally subside and Niche carefully lays Eld back down and wipes the shit and clear bodily fluid from his face. He appears to be hanging on to life by a swiftly thinning thread, and I notice that Niche isn't bothering to stop the bleeding anymore.

Eld's voice is but a shadow of a sound, and I strain my ears to hear him.

"Everyone turned to… engage them. I ordered the others to… to keep Eren close... while Gunther and I… watched their back. Petra and Oluo… took Eren away… while we fought. Then… there was an explosion from… behind us."

At this point most of the color had drained from Eld's face as he struggled to keep his eyes open. All on it's own my body leans forward more and gently grasps his hand where it lays limply at his side.

"What happened?" I ask in a calm whisper.

"It had to be… the female." the man gasps. "We heard Eren's titan…. We tried to get to him but R… Reiner… he came from the crowd. He t… transformed and… blocked our… our way…."

His eyes waver, almost closing, and I grip his hand tighter.

'_Don't just yet.'_

"Did anyone follow them?"

I can barely hear Eld when he speaks.

"M… Mikasa… Armin… and a… a few… others..."

"Gauche went with them as well." Niche adds on, finally turning cold ice blue eyes to us.

I frown as a flash of ginger passes through my mind.

"What about Avian?" I ask.

"I think she was with them. Her and Armin were together when we heard Eren transform. They all might be trailing that bitch."

I've heard all that I need to. With a grunt I make to stand, but the grip on my hand tightens and I turn to look back down to Eld. His eyes are barely open, but he gazes up at me without letting go, and utters a single, heartbroken word.

"... Gun… ther…."

I've known this man for years, I've watched him grow from a fledgeling trainee into a capable and powerful warrior. He has been with me as countless of our friends and comrades have died right in front of our eyes, yet it is only now that I witness the depth of his pain and sorrow as it clouds up his gaze.

The sharp knife from before returns and lodges itself somewhere near my heart, and I clench my teeth to keep my calm facade from breaking. Instead of speaking meaningless words to appease a dying comrade, I merely grip his weak hand with both my own and let the heat of my anguish and vengeance in my eyes speak for itself. It's heat makes it feel as if my veins are burning, but I relish in the sensation, for it is through it that I draw the strength to shoulder the burden of my fallen soldiers and carry on.

Below me Eld seems to soak up my unspoken oath and a symbolance of peace crosses his face. With the last bit of strength he can muster he squeezes my hand, and I allow his grip to grow slack as consciousness leaves him.

I shut my eyes and turn back to the edge of the branch.

"I'm going after them." I say over my shoulder.

"All of us will go." Erwin replies, earning a glance from me before I follow his gaze to where he glares down at the Armoured titan and the mayhem accuring below. "They are trying to separate us and we can't let that happen."

"Beware of their blades as well." Niche calls from behind us, standing as well. "They've coated them with something, a poison maybe. That's what killed him."

At this she glances down at Eld and, with the very tip of a drawn sword, lifts up the torn fragment of his uniform and reveals the gaping, discolored wound below. Even from here I can see where the skin has pestered and bubbled in a way I've never seen, and Hanji lets out a grunt.

"I've never seen anything like that before…."

"Neither have I." Niche answers her, ice colored eyes sharp. "A single nick from one of those fuckers could be all they need, and none of the medical squads carry any sort of antibiotic with them."

"Advance with caution then." Erwin cuts in, and even now his face is completely unreadable. "Draw your swords and follow at my heels."

With that Erwin leaps off the tree, and without another word Hanji and I follow suit.

Careening down toward the ground below, Erwin lets out a great yell. Around us Recon soldiers turn to attention as Erwin lifts his arm and throws it forward toward the direction of the forest.

"MOVE!"

All at once our soldiers stop fighting and fall like bricks, visibly startling our unknown assailants. Ahead of us the Armoured Titan turns and swings toward us, but we easily fly out of its reach. With one of its legs knocked out of commission, all the shifter can do is let out an inhuman yell as the majority of our force disappears into the leaves in a mass of gas.

"Don't let them get away!"

Behind me I hear the yell and calls of our enemy, undoubtedly making to follow us, and I can hear the occasional clang of swords and cries of pain from my men as a handful of them fall to enemy blades. Just at the edge of my vision I spy movement, and I glance over and swerve midair. A split second later blades slice through the space where my head was just a moment before, and an unfamiliar body flies by.

Some foreign soldier, a tall brown haired woman dressed in some sort of camouflage, glares at me over her shoulder and swivels back around at great speed. Just like me she brandishes swords almost like our own, and with a yell she gasses forward and slices down at my head.

In a flash my arms rise up, and our swords rain down a few sparks as blades collide. Some sort of clear substance rains from her weapons when they stop, and the force of the attack is enough to make us swing strongly on our cables, but her strength is nothing compared to mine. With a flick of my wrist I slide my blade down the length of hers and, with hardly any effort on my part, force the weapons from her hands and strike. The woman doesn't even have time to register my movement before her body goes slack, and I barely spare a glance at her as she falls and lands in a heap on the forest floor.

Turning my attention back ahead, I swerve around a tree and catapult to meet back up with the others. Around me it looks like almost everyone is in the heat of battle; soldiers on both sides fly and swing wildly in an odd kind of dance, sweat and blood embellishing the air, and bodies begin dropping like flies.

Up front Hanji is locked in battle against two assailants, the tussle sending all three careening away from the main group, and it's all Hanji can do to block their incoming blades with her own.

'_Oh no you don't.'_

Giving my own blades a jerk to sling off any excess blood, I race toward them. I can hear Hanji grunting with each attack, and it's easy to see that her strength is about to give. From the way the two enemy soldiers, both males, carry looks of utter confidence on their faces, it's obvious that they've realized this as well. Unluckily for them, the two bastards are so focused on Hanji that neither of them notice my approach until it's too late.

Flipping one of my blades backwards in my personal fashion, I pull on the right gas trigger and propel myself into a rapid spin. I feel deep satisfaction as I collide into one of the men and screams meet my ears. Together we plunge away from Hanji, and with a great force I shove him away from my with my hilts. His body collides with a nearby tree and for a moment I believe him to be dead, but a single arm raises up and fires a cable. My body tenses for retaliation, but instead of attacking the man clumsily gasses away, one arm controlling his gear while the other desperately clutches his middle and side to keep his internal organs from falling out.

Only once he is out of sight do I turn back to Hanji just in time to see her bodyslam the other attacker into a tree with her blade jutting from his back. In a swift motion she releases the sword from it's grip, leaving the blade embedded in the man's body so that he remains pinned to the tree, but instead of leaping away immediately she takes a moment to ruffle about his body before kicking off and making her way back to me. Her face is deathly grim when she reaches my side, and she doesn't seem to notice the bloodstains covering a portion of her glasses when she addresses me.

"Look at this."

She lifts up one of her hands to me, and clutched in it is a strange object. Frowning, I take it from her and give it a quick scan. It's some sort of grayish box about the size of my hand, longer than it is wide, with an odd sort of thin extension coming from it's top as well as a circle made of holes just below that. Peering at it closer, it looks nothing like I've ever seen, and my frown deepens into a scowl.

"What the hell is this?" I demand, glaring at it, but Hanji merely shrugs.

"No idea. The soldier back there had it strapped to his side."

'_Well that doesn't help a damn.' _I growl mentally, turning over the object in my hand.

My brows perk when I notice what looks like a button on the side, right where the thumb lays, and I give it a push. Nothing happens. I give it a few more pushes, but nothing seems to change, and the fact just makes me irritated.

"Whatever it is, it broke when it slammed into the tree." I mutter, losing interest, and I make to give it back to the woman when an odd sound breaks the silence.

"zzz ...opy...zzz… ov'r...zzz…"

Both Hanji and I look wildly about ourselves at the sudden voice, blades held at the ready, but from what we see any enemy soldier is far from us, battling against the rest of our legion somewhere deeper in the woods.

'_The hell?'_

For a moment I almost believe I imagined it when it comes again, a sort of crackly voice that sounds far away and close at the same time.

"zzz... 'ey! Do… zzz… 'ou copy… zzz…"

Hanji and I glance at each other, following the sound of the voice and crackling until our eyes land on the odd box.

'_Impossible.'_

There is no way what sounds like a human voice is coming from this object, but in the next moment we hear more crackling, and I swiftly put the box up to my ear.

"zzz… Blake! Do you copy… zzz…"

Both Hanji and look at each other.

"No fucking way."

That's impossible. What the hell is this thing? How in the world can we hear someone's voice coming from it? It's a fucking box, it shouldn't be doing anything!

It's very clear to both of us now that this… thing… is something beyond our technological grasp and, more importantly, something NOT made by us. Nothing that I have ever seen even comes close to doing what this thing does. Putting voices in boxes? How the fuck do you even MAKE that? But it HAS to be man made, what other explanation is there? More importantly than that, however: WHO made it?

Quick as lightning Hanji snatches the box from me and, giving it a quick look over just like I did, pushes the button on the side. Nothing happens. Frowning, she pushes it again, then a third time, to the same results. Pausing for a moment to think, she pushes the button, only this time, she holds it down. At this a strange blipping sounds from the box and it goes completely silent. We wait.

"Is it doing anything?" I ask, and Hanji shakes her head.

"I don't know." she answers, releasing the button.

Almost immediately the voice comes back.

"zzz… What was that? zzz… Blake? You there? zzz…"

'No fucking way.'

"Did he hear us?"

Hanji looks about as aghast as I feel, and filled with unbelieving doubt, she pushes the button and speaks.

"Hello?"

The box talks back.

"zzz… What the hell have you been doing! zzz…" the box angrily states. "zzz… You and Flan get your asses up front! ...zzz... We've got trouble! zzz…."

At that the box lets out a blip and goes silent, and Hanji and I look at each other, neither of us knowing what to think. This thing is well beyond our understanding, and as much as I wish to investigate more the sounds of battle keep me grounded in reality and I let out a scoff.

"We'll worry about it later."

At my harsh tone the scientist wordlessly puts the object into her belt, and together we gas back toward Erwin. As we go, slowly the screams and clanging of weapons quiets down, and it isn't long before I catch sight of two heads of blond hair.

Niche and Erwin both turn as we approach, and once we are in range Hanji addresses our commander.

"Erwin, look at this."

Hanji pulls out the voice box and offers it to Erwin. The man takes it and wordlessly examines it as Hanji explains.

"I found it on the belt of one of the enemy soldiers. A human voice came out of it not too long ago saying to head up front. I think it's a communication device, but I have no idea if it's even possible."

Erwin frowns at the box in his hands, assessing it a little longer, then hands it back.

"We'll worry about it later."

He doesn't need to order us twice, and Hanji stashes the box back onto her belt and we all follow Erwin's lead.

As trees fly past us in a blur it seems that the better half of our force seems to have survived the attack, and eventually the forest falls into complete silence.

Together we race through trees, desperately trying to gain ground toward where Eren must be, and it isn't long before the trees around us begin to show evidence of his presence. We fly past trees covered in broken branches, and below us I spy skid marks and gouges in the earth where heavy bodies must have fought, and at one point I can't help but stare at a great crater in the earth bordered by fallen oaks and pines, and I narrow my eyes at the dark liquid patches I spy staining the bark.

There is no sign of Eren.

Tearing my eyes away from the devastation, my ears perk at the sound of heavy footsteps, steadily growing louder, and slowly but surely a giant body begins to appear through the trees, moving away from us. Almost instinctively my body tenses at the sight of swishing blond hair, and a sinister feeling sits in my gut when I immediately recognize the titan, and also realize that Eren is nowhere to be seen.

"Don't tell me he got eaten…" I hear Hanji mutter in front of me, her eyes gazing widely at the Female Titan as it runs.

"Looks that way." is all I can reply before I maneuver to fly closer to Erwin. "What plan do you have in mind?"

"Cut the fucktard up of course. Why the hell even ask?" Niche interjects, speeding up to fly beside Erwin. "Eren is nowhere to be seen and the bitch is obviously running away. It's just like the 57th expedition, and if that's so, then the hoe must have him already, right?"

Erwin frowns, taking time to choose his words, but before he can reply another voice sounds from somewhere beside us.

"Commander!"

Looking to my right a pair of hooded figures draws to us. Watching them come, Erwin waits as they pull up beside us and the first figure lowers its hood to reveal the young blond head of Armin Arlert.

"Commander," he states, his face and voice oddly distorted with dire urgency. "The female titan,she has Eren."

"Fucking told you." Niche curses, but ignore her and keep my attention pinned on the interaction in front of me.

"We presumed." Erwin regards him calmly. "Tell me exactly what happened."

"Well, I wasn't able to see most of it happen…" the boy starts regretfully, "I was in the central column when it happened. I was riding to deliver information to Corporal about our progress when a bolt of yellow lightning struck deep in the forest. I briefly met up with Eld and Gunther who said that Annie had appeared and was pursuing Eren somewhere deeper in the woods. At that point a figure came out of nowhere, killed Gunther, and dozens of unknown soldiers attacked us from the canopy. The Armoured Titan appeared with them, and made a show about blocking our path. Eld told me that Oluo and Petra were escorting Eren away somewhere up ahead and ordered that I and a few others should follow them while he hung back to try and head our attack against the Armoured. Eren had already transformed and was fighting Annie when I and my group caught up with them, but it was already too late. The Female crushed Eren's Titan's skull and ripped him out of his titan before eating him. We've been trailing ever since."

"So the boy is dead." Niche spits, to which Armin shakes his head.

"No. It's just like before. Annie needs Eren alive for some reason, and we saw her eat and swallow him before running away. If she needed him dead, she would have just crushed him."

Erwin frowns.

"You said others followed with you. Where are they?"

"Flying nearby, flanking her on both sides. Since no commanding officer was here, I thought it best to trail her and try to come up with a plan."

"Have you?"

At this an odd expression comes across the young boy's face, almost begrudging, and he turns to his companion.

"Yes. We did."

My heart spikes at the voice, and a wave of relief comes over me as Avian pulls down her hood and squints against the freezing air.

"While we were trailing, Armin bestowed upon me all the knowledge he currently has concerning the Female Titan." she begins, "Considering our depleted force and the strength of our opposition in conjunction with the information we know about this titan's physiology, abilities, and motive, Armin and I have discussed possible outcomes and more or less decided upon a course of action that would have the greatest effect and success rate."

At this Hanji quirks her brow.

"What sort of plan do you have in mind?"

Once again Armin and Avian look at each other, the woman oddly confident and the boy uncertain, and a handful of tense seconds pass before Armin turns back to us and answers in a slightly wavering voice.

"We can't tell you."

At this Niche lets out a gruff noise.

"What the hell do you mean 'we can't tell you'? What sort of bullshit is that?"

"Yes indeed." Erwin echos, peering down at the small woman. "Why is it that you do not wish to tell us?"

Avian regards him with an unwavering gaze.

"Because if I did, you would not allow it."

A heavy silence follows her answer, and though I pierce her with a solid glare silently wanting to gain her attention, she keeps her eyes carefully on Erwin.

"I see." my commander mutters, and I see him calculating this information carefully. "Though I understand that there may be concern revolving around this plan of yours, humor me. What sort of plan did you have in mind?"

Avian frowns, but after a second she obliges.

"One that exploits holes in the Female Titan's defences. From what I have been told, and what I have witnessed, she is too dangerous to take on directly. Her size, speed, and fighting style, as well as her crystallizing ability make it highly disadvantageous to engage her in a typical manner. To counter this, Armin and I devised a plan to circumnavigate her ability completely by attacking her from the only place that, we theorize, she cannot harden; the inside."

"Now that sounds like a load of horseshit." Niche speaks up first. "How in the hell do you plan on doing that? Ask her nicely if she'll swallow our blades for us?"

"And even more than that," Hanji states next, calmly analyzing the woman's words. "the idea that the Female can only harden her outer skin is a theory at best. We don't know for certain just how far her abilities extend. It's a dangerous risk you are proposing here. Just how are you going to do such a thing?"

"That is what we do not wish to tell you."

With every word my confusion builds, and I can't help but wonder just why she won't just outright say it. I'm certain she isn't lying, but this ambiguous shit isn't much like her either. Just what the hell is she planning?

Erwin doesn't like the sound of this either, and makes his displeasure known.

"We have no time for beating around the bush. Whatever you have planned, forget it. We need to make headway and outrun the Female."

Erwin doesn't even give Avian time to counter before he turns and calls out to the soldiers before us.

"Rejoin your squads and make way for the front of the forest!"

Erwin turns to leave, but before he can Avian's voice chases after him.

"What are you planning to do? Outrun her?" she asks, looking aghast. "Armin and I already have…."

"Arlert, what do you think of Miss Conner's plan?" Erwin interrupts bluntly, and the boy shutters a the cold tone of his voice.

"I… it's a longshot at best; and highly risky…." he stutters, and Erwin lets out a grunt.

"That is all I need to hear. Forget it and head up front."

Once again he turns, and I with him, but Armin stutters again.

"... I think it could work."

We all gaze at the blond coldly, and though he turns rigid, Avian comes to his side.

"He's right. We both have thought over this carefully, and I am certain you know of Armin's high aptitude for strategy, so why do you doubt?"

"Because we don't use plans we don't even know about, idiot." Niche chastises her. "Your 'little plan' could end up getting everyone killed for all we know."

"I'm aware, but we have a clear strategy already in mind. It is a risk, but considering our options I believe it is the best course of action we can take. Our force is weakened, but you needn't worry over losing more soldiers. Due to the unknown nature of this situation," Avian replies with a foreign spark of confidence in her eye. "we have decided it best if I execute this plan alone."

"No."

The word stabs itself out of my mouth harshly before I even know what I'm saying, and my eyes turn dark when Avian finally turns and looks at me in disbelief.

"No one is doing _anything_ alone here, especially you." I growl, "Now do as Erwin says and head up front."

"And do what?" she argues back. "We will reach the end of the forest any minute now; we don't have time to fly up front and fortify a defense. Besides, she could easily change course and avoid your set up all together."

"Conner…" Erwin starts, but Avian pays him no heed.

"How can you not put faith in our plan but believe in yours if they both hinge on so many uncertainties? The best thing we can do is strike her now while we have her near and have the advantage of the environment. If she makes it out onto open ground we'll never stop her!"

"Stand down Conner." Erwin orders.

"She has Eren! How can you risk his life like that!? Isn't saving him your top priority!?"

"ENOUGH!"

Erwin's stark voice breaks through the trees and silences everyone.

"I understand your concern, Eren is a close friend after all, but you mustn't let personal attachments interfere with your judgement. If you feel the need to, then stay back with Armin and the rest of your squads and make sure the Female doesn't deviate from her path."

"Why will you not let me do my job?"

Avian's cry falls upon deaf ears as Erwin looks toward me over his shoulder.

"Levi, hang back and take command. Make sure to keep _everyone _in check."

With that, Erwin jets off, Hanji and Niche at his back. I watch them go, along with a league of others as they fly by us and disappear into the trees ahead. When I at last return my attention to the two soldiers with me, I'm met with stark blue eyes still gazing at me.

"Why did you do that?" Avian questions avidly, appearing desperate. "Certainly you understand what I'm explaining, do you not?"

"I do," I reply back, "but whatever that old man says, goes. He knows what he's doing."

"He can't be serious! He's hinging Eren's life upon a mere assumption that somehow we will have the chance to amend this situation in the future instead of addressing it now."

"I've seen him in action; he and the others will make it in time."

"In time? Time is a luxury we cannot afford right now. The stretch of forest that surrounds Tal is minimal at best, and we will reach the end of it any moment now. Our best chance of success is to take her down before she reaches the treeline."

I understand Avian's plight, I truly do. However, my trust in Erwin and his leadership is absolute, built upon years of service under him. It isn't that I do not trust her judgement, but for this particular moment, I'm inclined to put stock in Erwin than her. As much as my heart aches to trust Avian, my mind is wiser, and I know that the best thing we can do now is follow Erwin's orders.

"Erwin gave us a job to do," my voice rebounds through the chilling air, "and if you really care about Eren's safety, the best thing you can do now is follow his command and make sure the Female stays on course."

I purposefully wipe off all emotion from my voice and expression, and Avian looks at me as if she can't believe her eyes. It hurts to see her that way, and for a moment my mind wanders back to the last time we spoke. What I wouldn't give for us to be there again, she was so different than she is now, but life is a ball of shit and reality takes precedence over fantasy. So with that in mind I determinedly stare her down, not only to get her to do as I say, but also in hopes that she'll abandon that dumbass plan she made up.

'_I'm not going to let you do something so stupid and get yourself killed.'_

The tension between us is almost tangent, and Avian holds my stare while Armin watches on beside her with uncertain eyes. At long last her expression hardens and she looks away before swiftly turning and dashing away into the trees.

An odd pain afflicts me as I watch her go but I swiftly push it to the side.

'_We have bigger problems to deal with than her.'_

Forcing her out of my mind, I motion towards Armin to follow me and we slightly change course. Winter wind stings me as we come up just near enough to the Female as she runs to keep her in my sight, and I address Armin without looking back.

"Who all is here trailing her."

"Aside from us and Avian," his voice calls from behind, "there are Mikasa, Jean, Gauche, and a few others I don't really know. Oluo and Petra are here as well."

'_Good.'_

Knowing at least half my squad is still alive releases some weight from my shoulders, but even then the overbearing gravity of the situation still crushes down upon me.

"Say, Arlert," I begin, and the boy adjusts his flight so he is at my side. "just what in the hell were you and she planning."

Armin's lips draw tight and he looks away for a moment to gather himself together.

"Something a bit crazy," he admits lowly, "but if I may say so, as crazy as it is, I really do believe it might just work."

I slide a glance toward him and wordlessly order him to elaborate, which he does.

"We came up with the idea to take on the Female from a direction she wouldn't expect; something outside the box. From what we've already seen of her, attacking her head on is almost impossible. We're likely to die before we even make a dent in her. Even if we could take her on, her hardening ability makes our blades useless."

"So, we began brainstorming if there is a possible limit to that ability. She's already shown that it can be concentrated in one spot, but what about multiple spots over the body? From what we've seen, it doesn't look like she can cover her entire body in crystal, otherwise she would have done so before. We originally planned on a massive group assault; to have every soldier attack her at once from every direction so she wouldn't know where to strike first, but that runs the possibility of losing too many people. Plus, she would more than likely harden the nape of her neck when we do, so even if we did manage to take her down, there would be no way to cut her out or kill her."

"That is when Avian suggested going in alone." Armin continues. "She was concerned about losing so many people using a plan that we believed wouldn't work anyway, and suggested we cut out unnecessary conflict entirely. Her idea was to take her on alone, since one soldier isn't much of a threat, and use her as a sort of trump card when an opportunity arises, because as far as we know, Annie has no idea that Avian is a shifter. Avian came to us long after Annie, Reiner and Bertold escaped, so we need to use that advantage wisely."

I narrow my eyes in interest.

"How did you plan on doing that?"

Once again Armin's face takes on a strange expression, as if he is afraid to tell me.

"Armin." I address him sternly, boring a heavy gaze upon him, but before I can force him to speak, a yell interrupts me.

Both Armin's head and mine snap toward the sound and my body tenses. With minimal effort we swing closer to the Female, and I clasp the blades in my hands in anticipation of a fight. However, when reach a break in the trees almost directly beside the running titan a whizz flies past my face and gas blinds me for a moment.

Tears forming from the steam and unable to see, I close my eyes to relieve the pain as more voices sound out, and Armin gasps beside me and I force myself look out, I see a single small, green dot dashing about the titan.

'_Don't tell me…!'_

I pray to whatever god is out there that it isn't what I see, but that streak of ginger hair is unmistakable to me. I am frozen for a split second as Avian flies about the Female, swords brandished, begins nicking her. Being so light, the ginger swings around almost wildly as she dances around the Female's limbs, nicking and slicing whatever piece of flesh comes too close to her. The Female in turn, slows in her running and, using one hand to protect the nape of her neck, swings at the woman with the other, determined to snatch her in her grasp.

"The fucking idiot!"

I spit out curses and aim my gears toward the fight, but before I can pull the trigger Armin grabs onto my mantle.

"No, you can't! You'll mess it up!"

Out of pure instinct I lash out at the blond with an elbow, narrowly avoiding his head, and he narrowly moves his head out of the way.

"The hell you doing Arlert!?" I bark at him, every muscle in my body flexing to fly into action, but the teen doesn't let go of me and holds me still with pleading eyes.

"I know what she's doing! She went ahead and put the plan into motion without permission! But if you jump in now, so will everyone else, and the plan will be botched!"

"She isn't supposed to be doing it in the first place." I growl back, slicing my mantle with my sword to free myself, but quick as lightning a hand latches onto my arm.

"I know, but remember what I said!?" Armin cries. "It's stupid and dangerous, but I really think it will work! It's already happening, so just trust her!"

Glaring at him, I want nothing more than to skewer his head with my blades, him and Avian both. Anger runs red hot through my veins, and I'm torn between wanting to fight off Arlert and wanting to keep an eye on the ginger haired retard. At the sound of an inhuman wail loud enough to shake the trees around us, I choose the later and turn just in time to see Avian slice through an arm.

Blood and steam erupt from the Female and the arm protecting the nape of her neck falls limp.

'_Why isn't she hardening up?'_

I'm confused as to why the titan has not crystallized yet, but as I watch Avian fly, I realize that she is going all over the place. She was never that adept in using the gear, and is prone to losing control easily, but this is just mad. The small woman flitters about, her gears imbedding into the titan's flesh, and swings around at full gas almost as if at the whim of physics. There is no pattern to her movements, she doesn't aim for weak points, none of it. Avian is using all her gas to fly almost uncontrollably, but in doing so she moves so fast and in such an unpredictable way that it seems the Female has no idea what to defent. It almost looks as if Avian is an insect trying to annoy her.

I'm very aware that no one else is coming to her aid, which tells me right there that they all know of this so-called 'plan'. Watching Avian taking on the titan alone, narrowly missing getting swatted and grabbed, a sense of worry sits in my gut, and I move to shove Armin off me.

"Bastard!"

With a twist I almost break Armin's wrist, forcing him to lose his grip, and in that moment of freedom I fire my cables and head straight for the fighting pair.

But as I approach Avian flies high into the sky, hanging there almost like the birds she is named after, and as she pulls the trigger and flies back down toward the titan, blades aimed toward its eyes, the Female moves. The titan's eyes flinch, and just as Avian comes to her she lifts her great head and opens wide.

The woman's body curls up into a tiny ball without altering course, the titan's teeth snap shut, and in the blink of an eye, Avian's gone.

***Author's note***

**EpicShadowNinja**\- Luckily for them, no one seemed to hear (as far as we know), and I'm sure Avian reacted much like Levi did, pretty startled and like ….wut…. But I'm glad you liked it! I hope you're still around to read this and know how much I appreciate your imput!

**Jin95**\- I really do thank you for your concern and understanding. I try not to kill myself, but it seems difficult not to right now hehe. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter, and rest assured, if you are still reading this story after so long of a wait, drama will happen after this mission rounds up cause…. yeah…. I want it

**thebeccac**\- Levi, GOOGLE TRANSLATE IS A MUST WITH THIS WOMAN. Nuff said. I'm so very glad you enjoyed the chapter as much as you did, and I hope you are still around after so long of a wait. Hopefully this long overdue crapshoot of a chapter is not too cringe worthy hehe

**LightMidnight**\- I'm so glad that this story helped lift your spirits a bit! School is difficult, so I'm glad to have been at least a little help to you. As far as if the relationship will be allowed or what will happen with it in general, we'll just have to wait until the mission is over. Hopefully, it's gonna be entertaining to read, but we'll see. I do hope you're still around to read this!

**PondRiverWilliams**\- If I do say so myself, your review alone sparked an entire new ark and thus extended the plot/life of this story by a great bit. Also, it helped give me inspiration for some minor tweaks and gave me more ideas as how to better explain/reveal things such as Avian's family/what's up with the king/ ect. I was going to do it already, but your review gave me such better ideas that I'm infinitely thankful you said something. I hope you are still here to stick around and watch it unfold!

**Punkiebug84**\- First off I'm so thrilled you enjoyed the chapter and thought that the whole ending scene was well done. It stumped me for a while, trying to get it to come out right, but I'm glad that it seems I did a decent job at it. Also, I thank you so much for the info about illicit relationships. I wasn't exactly sure what was accurate, so I just went with my gut and what sounded logical to me. I completely understand what you said, and I really appreciate you explaining it to me. If it's alright, though, I don't think I'll alter the stance they have on relationships in story. It's already in too deep, and with it the way it is right now with relationships being forbidden, it causes means for more drama and complications. Plus, I like to think that, considering the state of the world they live in as well as the nature of their job, their military would be more strict about such 's just my idea though. Perhaps I can try to work it both ways somehow…? I dunno. I'll just have to see. Hopefully you're still here to see how things pan out with Erwin.

**Kalie**\- I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and enjoy my OC so much! We'll learn more about her in the future, so I hope you can still be around to read it if you want!

**DontEvenAsk**\- I'm so happy you liked it, though it must have been a bummer to wait. I hate waiting hehe. And good job calling that guitar too! That Irish woman loves her music. Anyway, I apologize for the wait and I hope you are still here to read this!

**Aboutaweekago**\- Glad you liked the chapter, and I'll always be relieved to hear that Avian is still enjoyable and likeable. I worry about it too much as it is. And yes, I'm alive! Barely. You'll have to check my pulse every once in awhile, but yeah, I'm still here. Creative sentence structure is my drug as well, though I really do need to participate in writing classes. I know I repeat the same formula too much, as well as some words. Oh pooh... Well, hopefully it's still enjoyable to read and that you're still here to enjoy it with me

**Guest**\- I'm doing my best to do as you have suggested, and hopefully (if I freaking get to it), this next chapter will highlight that a little bit. I admit I've been horrible with showing her off, but this is what practice is for, and why reviews are so highly valued. If you're still here, thank you for your help, I appreciate it so much, you have no idea. Hopefully you still enjoy this story as it is, faults and all

**Murcielagoboo**\- So happy you like the story so much! I do hope you're still around to enjoy it more if you want

**Haurna Shikaio**\- I'm so happy you liked the chapters! I try not to be stressed, but it's kinda difficult. I'll do my best though! Your concern means so much to me, I thank you so much for it!

**19Delfin**\- I'm so happy you loved the chapters like you do! And I thank you for the compliments as well! I truly do my best, though I know I have loads to improve on. I really should be better about proofreading my work, but it takes so long for me to write as it is, that when I finally finish a chapter I just want to post it as fast as I can. I hope you can forgive me for that hehe. Secondly, your dedication makes me want to cry from joy. It makes me feel so honored that you feel that way about this silly little fanfic, and I always look forward to reviews from you! I'll do my best to update more often, but I don't know how that will go. Like I said before, I'm NEVER going to give up on this story. It might take me a while to finish it, but I WILL. It's a labor of love, I tell ya. I'll do my best to relax, but I'm not very good at doing that hehe. If you're still here (hopefully you are), I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!

**victoriaestyguy**\- I'm glad you like it!

**blaackcat**\- Thank you so much for your kind comments! I am a bit of a descriptive/lengthy writer which may put off some and probably isn't the best, but I already tried altering my style once and I hated it so much that I quit writing altogether for many years after so…. Hope this still works for you cause I ain't changing it hehe. I like trying to paint pictures in people's heads, but it's difficult at times, so I apologize if things are clompy or anything like that. I've also tried writing different perspectives as well and… no… just no…. Me and First Person are best buds. I really appreciate your concern, and I do try to put my health/well being first, but it's kinda hard right now. If you're still here, I apologize for making you wait this long, and hopefully I'll get to where I can update more frequently, but we'll just have to see.

**twistedlittledoll**\- I'm so glad that characterization is on point! I always stress myself over trying to keep them true to their manga/anime iterations, and hopefully I do that decently. Also, I realize that I've left out the scouts pretty badly, and I apologize for that. Honestly, I just couldn't figure out how to include them that well considering Levi probably doesn't interact with them all to much, but that's probably just an excuse hehe. I CAN say, however, that thanks to PondRiverWilliams the scouts WILL play a bigger part in the story, though it won't be for a while, unfortunately. I slightly altered the events of the story to accommodate for them as well as some plot points that needed to be explored more, so hopefully you'll still be around when it happens. I really do hope so!

**close enough story**\- I have to say that I wait with baited breath for your reviews hehe. I thank you so much, many times over, for your consideration and the amount of care and attention you put into helping me not only with the writing aspect of things, but just a supporter and follower in general. As always I finished reading your review feeling so happy that I wanted to cry. I'm so happy you enjoy this story as much as you do, and it means so much that you think so highly of my writing, as error filled and clonky as it is sometimes. I'm glad that Levi and Avian still seem real to you, as I do my best to make them that way, and that their interactions with not only each other but with themselves is believable. I try to keep the spirit of the manga/anime while I write, and I'm glad to hear that I'm doing a sort of decent job at it hehe. I do apologize for leaving out Stonewall so much. I'm very aware that he has been kind of left behind, and it's my fault entirely, but if I'm honest I just didn't really know where/how to bring him in. Seeing as Levi doesn't interact, or have the chance to interact with him much, I kind of pushed myself into a wall. I'm certain I could have figured out a way to include him more, but I'm just not that skilled of a writer yet. I do promise that I'll bring him back and keep him more in the forefront, though it will be a while before we get there. There's some events we need to get past first, but I promise I'll do my best to give Avian's best friend more writing time. Horses are fabulous friends and creatures after all! I'll forever be grateful for your constant input and support to help this story and I grow, and if you are still here after all this time, I sincerely hope you understand just how much it means to me. Text on a screen is just not enough to convey what I wish to say sometimes hehe. But never fret about rambling on in reviews. The longer the better! Always!

**There isn't much for me to say aside from I'm sorry, again, for making you guys wait. And I, again, hope that this chapter isn't too crappy. I promise I'm not dead, though I wish I was sometimes. Thank you all again for sticking around this long, your dedication means more to me than you know. It's the only thing that keeps me coming back at this point. You guys are the best. As always, please leave your thoughts and comments in a review, and until next time.**

**\- Ambi**


	30. Trepidation

Chapter 27:

Trepidation

Gone.

Just like that, in the blink of an eye.

I am no stranger to violence and death and sinister plots, nor am I deterred by any of them. After years and years of serving near the head of the Corps, almost all of me has grown numb to these things. Red is the typical color of my world; gore it's decoration. Death is but a heartbeat away, and I feel it breathe down my neck every second of my life, in and out of battle. I have seen many things, so much so that surprise is a rare and odd occurrence.

I'm well known among my men to be unshakable, resolute, undaunted. As far as misery and suffering goes, there is nothing new under the sun for me. I greet everything with a sense of familiar apathy, barely sparing the scenery around me a glance as I trudge through this broken life. Not once has anything brought me to a halt.

But now, as I hang listlessly from the cables of my gear, I have no strength to move.

Gone.

Just like that.

She's gone.

I barely register the sight before my eyes; the large body of the Female Titan clambering clumsily to it's feet, it's jaw, newly torn open, now firmly shut.

I stare at those jowls as if they are the center of the world, and for what feels like the first time in a long time, if ever, I'm left completely lifeless.

I've no real awareness of my body or why it does not move. I'm simply frozen in place. And yet, though I narry move a muscle, I'm highly conscious of a certain feeling, blooming right in the center of my chest, and with each slow pound of my heart the pain grows and grows until it's screaming between my ribs, and a single shutter runs through me.

'_No. no no no no no no No No No NO.'_

Searing fire bursts through my veins, and suddenly I go from not feeling anything to feeling every inch of my being burn from the inside out. It clouds my mind, making it almost impossible to think, and I'm so overwhelmed with the sensation that I struggle to even put a name to it. But as I stare at the Female as it regains its footing and slowly begins to make it's way deeper into the forest, my entire body tenses, knuckles threatening to break through the skin, and the name of this sensation comes to me in a quick bout of insight.

_**RAGE.**_

As if the name were the key to my body, the moment this realization is met, I'm thrown back into reality. Feeling coming back to my limbs, I grip my blades so hard the handles whine in protest, and in a quick motion I move to raise my arms and fire my cables. But a resistance holds my right one back.

Turning to look I spy a hand clutching my jacket sleeve, almost desperate, and I follow up its length until I meet the eyes of it's owner. Armin stares back at me with such pleading I vaguely wonder why he's giving me such a look before his voice breaks through the silence.

"Not yet!"

I stare at him in complete incredulity, not believing what I'm hearing. Did he not see what just happened? Who in the world is he to tell ME 'not yet'!? I have more than half a mind to break his arm for such a blasphemous comment, but when I look at him, I notice something strange. His eyes are normal, face tense, but not horrified. His voice, though slightly shaky, isn't broken by sorrow or shock. Armin Arlert, of all people, is in a state of calm so unlike him that it's enough to derail my train of thought just long enough for him to explain himself.

"This is part of the plan." He tells me, still holding onto my arm. "If we move in now, the other's will follow, and it might get them killed."

I stare at him, eyes narrowed in disbelief still, and utter a single terse word.

"Conner."

"She should be fine." The blond reassures. "She got in without much of a problem, and it looks like the Female isn't suspicious of anything."

I'm not sure if it's exactly relief that flows over me, but whatever it is alleviates some of the hard tension in my body. So this was part of the plan then.

'_A fucked up, shitspit plan.' _I mentally growl, but muster enough strength to regain my composure and center an icy glare at the boy enough to make him flinch.

"What comes next." I demand.

"We just have to wait." Armin answers, obviously very uncomfortable underneath my gaze, but to his credit he does not wilt. "We'll follow the Female until Avian gives us the moment we need, and when she does, all of us will strike to kill."

I frown at the sheer ambiguous explanation, but considering the situation…

"Well it's not like we have much of a choice now." I sneer under my breath before addressing Armin in a louder tone. "Fine. Lead the way."

Armin studders.

"M… me?"

"This IS your idea."

The teen's face flushes at my tone, but he gives a tentative nod before stepping around me and flying away. I follow close behind.

It's only a matter of seconds before we catch up to the Female. Steam still emits from the dozens of open gouges upon her body, and one of her legs limps so heavily that she can only manage to move at a brisk walk. The hand that had been protecting the nape of her neck has lowered, a coat of crystal protecting the weak spot in it's place, and makes it abundantly clear by the constant swivel of her head, eyes scanning the trees, that she knows we're here. Flying a stone's throw from the titan, I too cast my eyes about and spot numerous glimpses of bodies disappearing and reappearing behind trunks and branches, counting each one.

'_At least seven or eight not including Armin and myself.'_

It's a sturdy number, but a sliver doubt wonders if it'll be enough. Most of these soldiers can hold their own, but Annie has proven to be exceptionally adept at being a pain in the ass, so whether or not this plan actually works is all just a guess. I grit my teeth at the thought.

'_Erwin is going to have my fucking head for this.'_

Following behind Armin with my eyes following the Female Titan as she slowly walks, I can't help but deliberate over the state of affairs we are in. Erwin asked me for one thing, and now here I am following Coconut Head over here waiting to see if we'll get out of this alive. I pointedly keep myself from thinking about the dire consequences that will undoubtedly happen because of my actions. That headache can be saved for later. Right now, I just need to keep these idiots from getting themselves killed.

Focusing on the titan, my hands tense automatically when she suddenly stumbles, catching herself on a tree with a giant hand before moving on. However, only a few seconds after, I see her body sort of convulse slightly, and she wraps an arm around her abdomen as if in pain.

I cast a glance to the blond ahead of me, but he keeps his eyes trained on the titan, gaze oddly sharp. I go back to watching the Female as she struggles onward, but it's apparent that something is happening. Every few steps she'll twitch, arms clutching her stomach, and oddly enough little wisps of steam begin to seep from her mouth. It's nothing I've ever seen before, but whenever I look towards Armin for a reaction, his gaze is always steady on the titan, looking as if he's waiting for something.

Eventually the Female, after barely catching herself to keep from falling over, lets out an almost strangled gasp and stops dead in her tracks. Her arms, which had been wrapped about her middle for some time, move so that her hands are pressed to her sides, almost to her back, and the areas under her fingers solidify with crystal. She lets out another cry, slightly louder this time, pain evident on her face, and the crystallization grows slightly.

I cannot begin to understand just what is going on. From Armin's reaction and shitty explanation to me, I can only assume that Avian is, somehow, still alive. Is she fighting back somehow? Just what the hell is this plan?

The Female lets out another cry, bending over slightly as if to alleviate pain in her back. In the next second her eyes go wide, a sharp, high pitched huff escapes her lips, and her legs suddenly fall out from beneath her.

Landing with a loud crash, Armin and I come to a halt upon a thick branch as the titan falls back against a tree, back to the trunk, and stares at it's legs in shock. From the way she fell, her legs ended up becoming folded beneath her, pinning them to the ground, and though it's apparent she's trying desperately to move, her limbs remain still.

"It's working…!"

Armin's spirited breath reaches my ears, and I watch in slight amazement as the Female Titan begins haplessly tugging at her legs, desperately trying to get them out from under her, and digs her fingers into the flesh deep enough to produce steam.

Still, her legs remain dead.

"Is Avian doing this?" I ask aloud, and Armin nods.

"It was just a theory, but to see it actually work…" the boy mutters in awe.

A frustrated, pained cry calls back my attention and I turn to see the titan clutching at her abdomen again. She's hunched over upon herself, vainly trying to stop whatever it is happening inside her, and a great ball of crystal hardens the skin encompassing the entirety of her midriff. She continues to let out pained gasps, but it only seems to get worse. Her arms wrapped around herself as far as they can go, it's impossible to see anything, but it's apparent that the Female is incapacitated.

Armin doesn't move.

A cry of pain, steam begins seeping through her arms. Another cry, more steam erupts from her opposite side. Over and over as if she's getting slashed with blades, steam curls from under her fingers and from the crevasse between her arms, the points of injury cutting around the hardened skin. The female quivers with pain, fingers pulling off the flesh on her sides, and then without warning she lets out a wail, titan blood splurting from between her arms. It was only a second, a momentary lack of attention, but the moment the Female's arms slacken ever so slightly from the intense pain, an explosion of steam and fluid sputter from her abdomen, and a form bursts out from within.

The form, completely covered in titan gore, makes one final slash before freeing itself from the titan's as the form pushes its way out of the flesh and into open air, the Female's body slumps forward, it's slashed abdominals unable to keep it sitting up.

Beside me, Armin draws his blades, eyes following the form as it arcs almost gracefully in the air before landing on a branch above us. Deep within the coating of titan blood and body fluids, twin blue orbs shine. It raises it's head as well as a clawed hand, the other occupied with holding an oddly human like lump, and bellows out a single word.

"NOW!"

On its own accord, my body moves. All together ten bodies fall from the heavens, each brandishing gleaming twin swords, and as the Female Titan's eyes follow us down, she is helpless as all ten of us attack.

The sound of gas, whirring gears, and the squelch of blades cutting through flesh permeate the air as almost a dozen bodies swirl around the titan, cutting every inch of her body our blades can touch. Things move so fast that I can barely catch glimpses of people as we sort of dance around the fallen shifter: a sheen of Mikasa's black hair, Jean's determined cry… all of us attacking together.

I relish the sensation of my blades cutting through flesh as I make a pass by the titan's arms, slicing through muscle and sinew before flying up and away to ready another pass. Though her body is hunched and her head hangs, the Female's eyes follow me upward. Her expression almost makes me stop dead.

Before I can utter an order to cut her vocal cords, the Female lets out an inhuman cry, reminiscent of the one she had made in the past during the mission in the Forest of Giant Trees, and most everyone's attacks halt to cover their ears. The air itself shakes with her volume until it abruptly stops.

Down below a much smaller form dangles from the Female's neck, it's claws knuckle deep in the pliant flesh. The Female and Child Titans lock gazes, and the Female's eyes widen in complete astonishment.

Giving one last slash for good measure, the Child rips at her throat, covering her small form in titan blood before dashing away. The Female watches her go, disbelief never leaving her face. Gauche's white-blond hair flashes by her, slicing at her cheeks enough to make the titan' mouth fall open useless, but even as he dashes by her eyes, the Female doesn't register him.

The Female's eyes trail the Child, seemingly transfixed by the sight, and a heavy feeling sinks into my stomach. Something is happening here.

I break away from my thoughts as a body whirs by mine, and instead refocus on the assault. That scream can only mean one thing.

"Everyone retreat!"

My voice echos through the trees, and at the call all soldiers immediately disperse into the trees leaving the Female Titan hunched and broken down on the ground.

"Corporal!" Jeans' calls, flying beside Mikasa not too far away, and I incline my head deeper into the woods.

"Fall back to Erwin and the others. We have what we came for."

The teen nods, not needing any explanation, before he disappears. Mikasa on the other hand gasses closer toward me.

"Where's Eren?" she asks, her normally calm voice sounding strained.

"Right here."

At the deep voice we both look up and a wave of relief floods me as Oluo descends, the boy in question dangling limply from his arm. Mikasa lets out a barely audible gasp, eyes shimmering with unshed tears, and she whispers her brother's name like a prayer.

"He's fine, just knocked out." Oluo alleviates quickly, readjusting his grip slightly, then turns to me bearing a solemn expression. "We tried to fight them off…." He begins, but I swiftly cut him off with a grunt.

"The brat's safe. You did what I ordered." I put bluntly, turning to look ahead as we fly through frozen forest to put as much distance between the Female Titan and us as possible.

A heartbeat passes in silence, then Oluo speaks up again.

"Are Eld and Gunther with you?"

My jaw tightens, and Oluo reads my lack of answer.

No one says a word as we continue to fly, and though I keep my ears peeled for sounds of pursuit, I hear nothing. In the back of my mind, I contemplate over the so called 'battle' and I scowl.

'_It was too easy. Too quick.' _I muse, feeling unsettled. '_We've fought the Female Titan before; I know she can put up a better fight than that. So the question is, why didn't she?'_

The aberrant didn't offer much resistance, which in of itself is an alarming notion. The last time we've fought was back in Stohess, when she tried to climb the wall, it took the entirety of the Corps plus titan Eren to stop her, yet just now, she pretty much gave up without a fight.

My mind visualizes the sequence of events before she fell, seeing the titan's pain as Avian cut through her from the inside out.

'_That can't possibly have been enough to down her, could it? It was enough to render her legs useless, which is understandable, but after….'_

The grip on my blades tighten, the sense of unease growing stronger.

'_It was way too fucking easy. Something isn't adding up.'_

I scan my eyes about the forest around me: Jean and Armin flying together to the left, chatting to some soldiers I don't recognize, Mikasa flanking Oluo just to my side, Gauche's form appearing and disappearing between trunks just ahead….

Where are Petra and Avian?

After gazing all around I finally spot them far above me, almost in the canopy. Though Avian is still in her titan form, launching from branch to branch with amazing deftness and ease, Petra appears to be speaking to her, hands motioning as she talks. Everything seems so normal….

The hair on the back of my neck raises, and this time I know for sure something is wrong.

"Oluo," I call to the other man, "go forward with Eren."

In my peripheral I see the question in his eyes, but he obeys my order without comment, rushing forward ahead of me.

Almost exactly as he leaves, Avian's body stiffens mid leap. She swivels her titan head, peering into the darkness all around us, then her eyes meet mine. There is a split second where we convey to each other a silent warning, then in the next her gaze shifts to look somewhere beside me. Almost instantly her eyes grow in size, so much so that I can actually see both of her pupils constrict into focus, and she rockets forward.

The movement is so quick that all I feel is a rush of wind as she rushes past me, and I hear the strangled scream well before I'm able to turn around to see the man hanging from one of the Child's claws.

The enemy force from before have finally caught up with us.

All at once foreign soldiers appear from behind the trees, and I automatically rise to meet them.

"PROTECT EREN!" I yell, gassing quickly forward toward Oluo.

Dozens of soldiers rain down upon us, just like before, and soon everyone is fighting for their life. Oluo races a pace ahead of me, Eren a hanging deadweight in his arm, and I follow at his heels. As expected, a group of assailants come at us, two soldiers on the right and three on the left.

'_Shit.'_

Readying my swords I flank left of Oluo as they come down, and the force of their blades meeting mine send sparks and clear globs of poison flying everywhere.

Swiftly I twist my blades against theirs and push, sending all three back before I lunge. The closest soldier, an oddly young looking boy, screams as my blades cut through his arm, severing it with ease. The next heartbeat I twist, flipping one of my blades backwards into my signature hold, and I propel myself into a spin at the other two. Another falls to my attack, left bleeding profusely from a deep gouge in his chest, while the other somersaults to the side, missing my blade by a hair.

They quickly retaliate and slash toward my legs, only to miss when I launch myself upward, my boot landing a solid kick to their face. Their body tumbles in the air for a moment before they catch theirself with their cables, and they don't even pause to wipe the blood gushing from their newly broken nose before racing toward me again.

I swing to the side, easily dodging them, but when I turn to counterattack they keep going. For a moment I wonder if they're retreating already, that is until I spot Oluo's fleeing form in the distance.

'_Damn it!'_

I give chase, swinging forward as fast as I can go and can only watch as Oluo weaves in between trees, desperately trying to throw off his attacker.

'_Where are the others?!'_' I ask myself, searching around, but all sight and sound of battle comes from behind me, and I know that they are busy fighting for their lives.

"Fuck off!" I hear Oluo scream, glaring behind him at his pursuer before deftly swerving around an exceptionally large tree. The enemy follows his path easily with me on his heels. Oluo weaves in and out of branches in a seemingly random pattern, but he fails to lose his attacker, and the more erratic his movements become, the more ground the enemy gains. As far as I can tell, the soldier's attention is concentrated solely upon the man fleeing before him, and while that adept attention aids in him in his chase, it also leaves him vulnerable.

So focused is he on Oluo that I doubt he has any idea he has a pursuer of his own, and while the man is fast, I am faster.

It isn't long before Oluo visibly begins to tire, his movements becoming sluggish and the arm bearing a still unconscious Eren's weight sagging heavily, and the enemy soldier is right on his tail. I can see the confidence etched on his face as he readys his blades, Oluo's back just beyond his reach. As the unknown soldier slows down to round a hairpin turn, I take that split moment and strike..

Pressing down both gas triggers, I rocket forward and the man only has enough time to turn a surprised glance to me and tense before my blades slice into him. Together we tumble through the air before landing on a thick branch. Keeping his body beneath mine, the soldier's back shatters bark and both of my blades, one through his stomach and the other through his shoulder, stab into the tree under him, leaving him pinned.

Casually I stand beside him and appraise him with a frown. He isn't anything special to look at; a sturdy looking man with rough stubble, but a familiar object strapped to his belt catches my eye.

'_Another of those voice boxes.' _I note, eyeing the rectangular device for a moment before I deftly smash it with the heel of my boot.

"H.. HEY!"

A hand grabs my ankle, and it only takes a moment for me to twist out of his grip with practiced ease. With one foot on his bicep to keep it in place, it takes minimal effort on my part as I lift my other leg and stomp it down on his wrist. A sickening crack emanates from the action, joined soon by a scream of pain, as his elbow snaps. I stare blankly at the limb, idly wondering how much it hurts having your joint snapped backwards, before returning my attention to the man himself.

"F…. Fucking damnit…!" He swears, body convulsing in pain, then his glare turns to me. "What's the big idea, shithead. Just end it already!"

I nary bat an eye at his enraged tone, instead choosing to casually lean my arms on top of the blades still imbedded in his body.

"Hold on there big stuff," I reply coolly, "how about we have a little chat first?"

"Won't do you no good." He spits. "Ain't gonna get a word outta me."

I regard him for a moment, sizing him up, then continue in the same cool tone.

"That device on your hip, what does it do?"

The man sneers but says nothing.

"Where are you people from?"

Nothing.

"Why do you want Eren?"

Silence. The man never takes his eyes off mine, gaze filled with something akin to mockery, and I let out a sigh.

"You know," I urge, nonchalantly running my fingers over the hilt of my blades, "I don't appreciate you killing my men. I also don't appreciate this attitude you're putting up…"

Without warning I harshly jerk my blades down, and the resulting scream sounds like music to my ears. The man's breathing turns ragged, and possibly out of pure instinct grabs the blades and tries to pull them out. Again I jerk them down even more than the last, and though my eyes never leave his face I notice the blood filling in the cracks in the bark and that at least one of his fingers parts ways with the rest of his hand.

"Now, let's try this again." I continue, returning to leaning my weight on the handles, pushing them down more into his pliable flesh, "And this time, some answers would be nice."

The man glares at me with so much hate it almost makes me smirk.

"FUCK YOU TO HELL."

I'll give the guy one thing; he isn't a squealer. For a moment I contemplate the merits of breaking his other arm, but a sound behind me distracts me before I can come to a decision. Turning my head slightly so I can still keep one eye on the man, Mikasa comes into view.

"Erwin's group has rejoined us. He requests you to return." She states in her usual stoic manner, appearing to not even notice the man bleeding out in front of her.

I turn back to the man and for no particular reason give the blade a twist before answering.

"I'll go back once I get my answers." I state simply over the pained hyperventilating of the man.

"He says it's urgent." She counters.

"Are you deaf or just stupid." I icily scoff back, jiggling my blade to hear another hiss of pain. "I'm still busy."

"Captain," Oluo's voice calls out from the distance, "hate to interrupt you sir, but my arm's killing me."

I give my subordinate a quick glance, eyeing the limp body in his grasp, and after a heartbeat I let out a disappointed sigh.

"Fine." I answer and almost regretfully, jerking out one of my blades and slicing the man's neck. "I guess we'll go."

Without another word all three of us leap into the air, heading back the way we came. Mikasa and Oluo come up by my flanks, eyes scanning the forest around us, but all is oddly quiet.

Compared to the chaos from before the atmosphere is tranquil and empty, but even now I cannot relax, and though there is no one in sight the sounds of battle barely snakes it's way through the trees.

Beside me Mikasa casts a glance toward Eren again, lips drawn in a tight line.

"Is he okay?"

Oluo grunts, adjusting the weight in his arm before answering with a gruff, disgusted face, "Yeah, except for being covered in shit."

"I can carry him…."

"Look I know the kids your boyfriend or whatever…" the tan headed man starts before he is quickly cut off.

"He isn't my boyfriend." Mikasa counters, and though her voice is just as cool as ever, her face shines bright pink from underneath her scarf. Whether it's from embarrassment or the cold is impossible to tell.

In response Oluo lands a hard eye on her before shrugging and stating, "Whatever ya say."

The woman keeps her face low and covered as we fly through the chilling air. Rounding trunks and dodging branches we conquer ground without conflict, and the farther we travel the more my senses heighten. My two companions fall into a silence, eyes scanning the area for danger, but all is quiet save for the voices of soldiers in distance slowly growing louder.

Passing through a particularly congested area full of choking twigs and tightly woven needles that limit our visibility and movement, a shadow of a thought comes over me.

'_This is the perfect place for….' _I begin, but stop abruptly when the hair on the back of my neck stands.

Acting on pure instinct I violently shoot my arms out beside me and shove my companions roughly to the side. I twist upon myself in midair, swords rising to protect my body, just as the glinting edge of a blade slices the air I was just in.

'_... an ambush!'_

Where there once was none, there are now half a dozen foreign bodies around me, and suddenly I'm fighting for my life.

Barely dodging the attacker who aimed to stab me through the back I rocket upward, body tense with renewed adrenaline. Two female soldiers are right on my heels, blades drawn and faces contorted with the heat of battle. Pulling the trigger for my gas, I spin around to meet them and all four of their blades collide with the two of mine. The clear liquid coating their weapons splatters on my jacket from the force before I shove them away. They quickly recover, their cables lending them extra speed and come at me again from opposite sides. With just as much speed I lurch upwards even more, the soldiers following my movement, and at the last moment I twist, latch my cables a branch below me, and plummet downward.

The two women came at me with such ferocity that neither of them have time to alter course, and it fills me with great satisfaction when I hear them collide together above me.

However, that feeling is short lived. Just out of the corner of my eye Oluo barely struggles forward, newly bloodied and too exhausted from the earlier chase to offer much of a fight, and for a split moment his wide eyes meet mine.

Sheer desperation is all I see in them before his entire body lurches and glinting steel erupts from his neck.

It's almost as if time slows down as I watch while the blood of another of my squad shimmers in the frozen air. It rains in heaping drops, gushing from the opened vein in startling crimson, before the blade recedes and Oluo's dull eyes leave mine, his body falling and crunching against branches on it's way to the ground.

Oluo's murderer hangs almost in the shadows, a single blade in hand with his other arm carrying Eren's limp form, and he looks at me with familiar gold eyes hooded by strong, thin blond brows.

Somewhere to the side of me, I hear Mikasa gasp.

"Reiner!"

The muscular man in question doesn't bat an eye at her exclamation, keeping all his attention focused on me so much so that I can almost feel energy rolling off of him, before with a quick twist and flick of the wrist, he disappears into the trees.

"Corporal!"

Mikasa's scream pierces the air, but I'm already in motion. The two women from before have come back, aiming to try and stab me through the back again, but they are unprepared for what comes next.

I'm only a blur fueled by raging fire in my veins, the blades in my hands whistling dark and sharp through the air. It's a simple maneuver, a basic backflip and slice, yet neither of the soldiers see it coming.

Both of their heads roll off their shoulders, severed so quickly that their faces didn't even have time to register surprise, and without further thought I race into the trees.

Whatever assailants that were battling Mikasa must have been felled, for the black haired woman quickly comes up at my heels, a dark and silent shadow.

Reiner's back recedes from us, but the large man is no match for his pursuers. We slide through the trees with fierce grace, Mikasa and I, both fueled by red hot energy. Newly formed flakes of snow begin to drift down, but they all but evaporate the moment it touches our heated skin.

We come up upon the man like a wave of fire.

Reiner, knowing full well his speed is no match to ours adjusts his trajectory, throwing himself toward the ground at blinding speed. Mikasa and I are only a heartbeat behind, so when at last Reiner breaks through the bottom most branches and turns to face us, we barely have enough time to make an emergency swerve to the side before a great bolt of yellow lightning cracks the sky incinerating the area we just were with electric energy.

A mixture of smoke and steam pollutes the air, clouding everything from view, until a great hand emerges from it. The Armoured Titan lets out a mighty swipe, clearing the rest of the steam from the atmosphere and trains his gaze upon us before tensing and unleashing a brutal punch.

Mikasa and I split, she to the left and I to the right, as the fist crashes into the trees just behind us. Splinters explode in every direction from the impact and a sharp pain shoots through my shoulder blade before I can fly to higher ground.

"Shit."

I take only a moment to roll my shoulder, just enough to feel that a sharp something is piercing the flesh there, before I scan my eyes to find Mikasa almost directly across from me holding a hand to her calve.

'_Two against one.' _my mind quickly assesses, '_Ackerman and I are strong enough to take him on, even in this condition.'_

Though having just fought off our previous attackers and suffering some type of damage from shrapnel, there is no doubt in my mind that Mikasa and I are more than capable of handling this situation on our own. The woman's skill and tenacity are enough to almost rival my own, and with Eren's life at stake I know that she'll throw out everything she's got.

Still holding her calve Mikasa looks to me, eyes shining with sheer resolve even from this distance, and though we've hardly fought together a silent agreement is made. We both know how to take this bastard down.

Returning my eyes to the titan below us, it stands with it's arms raised in preparation to attack. Seeing the lack of a limp body I quickly assume that Eren is trapped somewhere within the titan, most likely right next to Reiner's body at the nape of the neck. If we can incapacitate the titan, all we'll need to do is cut both him and the traitor out, even if it means cutting off his arms and legs.

'_Well, never thought being a lizard would actually come in handy.'_

Below me the Armoured shifts his gaze, tilting his head to try and keep both myself and Mikasa in his sight, but from his hunched defensive stance it's clear he knows that he's outclassed.

"You've got some gall, showing up like this." I taunt cooly, tossing away my old blades and attaching fresh ones. "Your friend gave us a hard time, but we managed to cut her down, just like what we'll do to you."

Be it an innate understanding or a case of similar minds thinking alike, Mikasa and I both rocket toward the titan with such speed our blades whistle on our path, and the titan is so caught off guard that he only has time to raise his forearms to protect this face before our blades slice into the unprotected joint on his elbows.

Just as quickly as we struck, we fly away on an arch of steam before coming down again. This time the Armoured anticipates it, taking a step back, and aims a quick jab at Mikasa. Though the titan is superbly strong his speed is lacking and the woman easily evades his attack, swinging around the outstretched limb while I take the opportunity and slice at the joint of the wrist.

And so that is how we dance; Mikasa and I attacking in unison and, whomever the Titan doesn't attack slices into the exposed joints. Both of us flurry about our foe like gnats, attacking quick and fast before ducking away.

I almost relish in the panic I imagine I see in the titan's eyes as it desperately tries to figure out what to do. It cannot attack for we'll keep slicing it's weak points, however, it also can't afford to purely defend since it needs to fend us off somehow. At one point the Armoured turns and tries to make a break for it. Before it could take so much as a few steps it falls as we cut deep into the exposed joint behind the knee. So with no options left it stands it's ground, throwing jabs and quick strikes though it knows it has no chance at hitting us.

Mikasa and I keep slicing, blades cutting through joint and tendon and sinew, but a problem quickly emerges. Though we have no problem keeping the titan from fleeing, we have no way of landing a decisive blow. We can hack away at it's limbs all we want, but without any means of making a killing strike, the most we can do is stall it.

Pulling out of a spin and shooting up into the trees to ready another attack, I analyze the Armoured with intense scrutiny. Most of its joints have been struck multiple times, trails of titan blood and steam stemming from the open wounds on it's arms and legs, but it just isn't enough.

My eyes once again train on the titan's nape, glaring at the hardened plate that protects the vulnerable area.

'_This isn't getting us anywhere. We can hack away all we want, but without access to the weak point we might as well just be twiddling our thumbs.'_

A growl escapes me in a fit of irritation as I try to brainstorm other means of attack, but none come to me. There is only Mikasa and I, and with only the two of us our options are extremely limited. Mikasa could always try and fall back to request reinforcements, but I have doubts that even I alone would be able to keep the Armoured in place for very long.

As much as I try to ignore it, pain and exhaustion are slowly creeping up on me. The ache in my shoulder has escalated into searing throbbing, and the fabric around the wound is sticky with blood. The light flakes of snow that have continued to steadily fall down now chill my exposed hands and face, and I can begin to feel the stiffness of cold in my muscles as the last of my adrenaline is being spent.

A quick glance about me reveals Mikasa looking to be in a similar position; dark hair clinging to her sweaty face as she tries to catch her breath before going at it again. Though we are two of the best soldiers the Corps has to offer, even we cannot fight forever, and with each attack we make more of our energy is spent, and the sharpness of our movements is waning.

Mikasa and I aim our blades at the Armoured again, going for the eyes in hopes to blind him and gain extra time. The Armoured makes his target clear, eyes centering on me as I launch ahead of Mikasa, and lift my blades in preparation to either slice or deflect. As expected the titan shifts, leaning his head away from the oncoming attack, and counters with an uppercut from underneath.

I turn midair, the fist flying harmlessly past me, but the attack does land a mark. Having spent almost all her energy throwing all her effort into her attacks to take the monster down, Mikasa dodges, but isn't quite fast enough to clear the upward arc fully.

The Armoured's fist catches the woman's legs, the force sending her somersaulting uncontrollably through the air.

'_Damn it!.'_

Body straining with exertion I round a tree and rush to her. The titan lifts his other fist, but isn't able to launch it before I catch his target in my arms and gas away. A quick glance downwards shows Mikasa's face twisted into a grimace of agony, and though she is obviously trying to told her tongue a low hiss escapes her lips anyway.

A disgruntled noise of my own worms it's way into my throat.

'_Guess my decision is made for me.'_

Flying up to land on a high branch I readjust my grip on the woman in my arms and try to assess the damage. There's no blood, her pants aren't even ripped, but when I cautiously glide a hand over the lower half of her leg the female lets out a curse.

"Probably broken." I state bluntly, and Mikasa narrows an eye as if to say 'Shit, really?'.

I do her a favor and ignore the unspoken remark as the sound of the Armoured moving catches my attention. Far below us the giant body straightens, several of its joints still steaming faintly, and turns away. I itch to cut the thing down, but the injured soldier in my grip yearns more of my concern, so I have no choice but to watch as the titan begins to jog away.

Until a flash of something dashes by it's ankle.

Before I can even begin to guess at what I just saw, the familiar sounds of whirring gears reach my ears and I watch as two men burst through the trees.

"Not getting away that easy you bastard!" Jean cries as he beelines for the titan.

"Aim for the exposed joints!" another voice directs, and I spot a flash of white blond hair as Gauche comes into view as calm and collected as ever. "Stop it from getting away!"

At the yells the Armoured Titan turns its head, body language suggesting surprise as the two men head straight for it. Turning hard on it's heel the titan lifts up both arms in front of it's body, fists clenched, but before it can make a move the tell tale sound of metal slicing through flesh sounds through the air and the giant falls on it's knee.

Barely able to keep up with the soldier as they arc upwards from where they just attacked the titan's ankle, Niche of all people whips about in the air above me, titan blood coating her blades.

"Alright guys, cut this fucker down!"

Both Jean and Gauche nod and in unison gas toward the titan. In a move of desperation the Armoured launches a blind punch at them, but both men dodge, one to each side. They race parallel to the outstretched arm before they converge together again and, with combined yells, bury their blades into the titan's eyes.

Disengaging their swords to leave the blades inside the sockets, both men launch away as the titan lets out a distressed sound and instinctively covers it's injured eyes with it's hands.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Jean calls out with a cocky grin as he swings around to attack again. "Let's give it everything we got!"

All together he, Niche, and Gauche race toward the Armoured. At the sound of gears and gas the titan lifts it's head and lashes out blindly, but it's movements are easily avoidable and the trio go in for a decisive attack.

Each soldier attacks a different vital point, gouging out exposed joints much like Mikasa and I did before, but with three people attacking simultaneously against a titan unable to see, the pickings are easy.

Steam erupts from wounds all along the titan's body from the wrists, elbows, and even the other ankle, before they begin slicing into the exposed muscle on the arms. There isn't much to cut, but what little there is gets shredded in a matter of moments, and before we know it the wounds become too much for the titan to handle. Against its will, it's arms begin to falter, struggling to stay in the air despite most of the muscle mass being severed, and it is at this point that the trio pull back.

"Alright!" Gauche's voice booms, and I'm confused as he appears to be talking to none of those around him. "You've got about thirty seconds before the arms heal! Make it count!"

I follow his gaze to where he stares into the empty forest behind the Armoured, but I see no one. That is until I see a familiar ginger blur.

The Child Titan emerges standing on a thick branch high above the Armoured. It's gaze is focused solely on the titan below as if assessing it, then it crouches and tenses. In a burst of incredible force bark splinters as the Child launches toward the Armoured at dizzying speed, and I can barely make out the Child grouping the tips of its long, dark claws together to form a sturdy spike on each hand before the smaller titan collides with the larger with a resounding crack.

The Armoured, who before had no choice but to sit and wait, suddenly lurches forward at the attack. I narrow my eyes as the plating over it's mouth snaps apart, and a throaty, deafening roar escapes it. The sound is so loud that all of us finch and cover our ears, the trees around us shaking from its intensity.

The Armoured panics and attempts to stand, though with it's ankle tendon still out of commission, it barely takes a step before falling sideways into a tree. We all stare as it's arms twitch uncontrollably, fighting desperately to lift and fight back but unable to, and instead rams it's back into the tree. Over and over it backs into it, trying different methods in an attempt to dislodge the weight from it, but just can't get the right angle.

"Oh boy, watch out!"

Jean calls out to us, and I tighten my hold on Mikasa as I jump off the branch we're on right before the Armoured rams into it, letting out another roar. Jean, Niche, and Gauche reach my side as we all come to rest on a higher branch away from the raging titan. Having been silent the entire time thus far, Mikasa finally speaks up.

"What's wrong with it?" she asks, gazing with narrow eyes at the unfolding flurry below.

"Avian's what's wrong with it." Jean answers through a smirk. "She's got a pain-hold on him."

Gazing down at the raging titan as it rams into another tree, desperately rubbing it's back into it I catch sight of the Child Titan clinging to the nape of it's neck like some kind of parasite, one of it's claws pierced right through the larger titan's armour.

'_Impossible…!'_

Nothing, not even titan blades are sharp enough to penetrate the hardened flesh of the Armoured Titan's body, and yet right before my eyes the Child grunts, every muscle in it's tiny body straining with effort, until I hear another crack and a small piece of hardened flesh falls away.

The Armoured lets out a panicked, deep throated wail before it starts to shake vigorously in an attempt to fling the Child off. The Child hangs on, it's claws proving to be a great asset, and the moment the Armoured slows it's thrashing the smaller plunges its claws deep into the flesh again. This time it draws out a spurt of blood and steam, and with it a strangled, guttural voice accompanies it as the Child screams.

"EREN!"

The Armoured shakes the ground with another roar louder than the last, drowning out the Child's cry, and flexes. Even while still billowing steam it manages to raise one of it's massive arms and makes to grab the Child off of it. The smaller, much more nimble than its opponent, easily sidesteps out of the way while still clinging onto its nape, and calls for Eren again.

Again breaking her silence, Mikasa speaks up again.

"What is she doing?"

"Trying to get Eren's attention." Niche answers before Gauche picks up the end.

"With the armoured plates blocking the way there is no easy way to cut him out." the white-blond haired man explains, "But during a previous battle Armin was able to get Eren's attention by stabbing his arm through the titan. Our hope is that Avian can somehow do the same thing."

It's not a bad idea at all. I never considered the fact that the Child's claws may very well be strong enough to pierce the plating, of course given the fact that she leaped from such a high perch to add on to her speed it's no wonder she was able to pierce right through it. Now it's just a matter of getting Eren to fight his way out.

"We need to help her."

At my voice everyone turns to me as I place Mikasa down on the branch then stand.

"The sooner we get this shit taken care of the better." I grumble, drawing out my swords once again.

The Child calls Eren's name again as she pierces the flesh once more, searching for the boy, as we all descend toward the feuding titans. Limbs almost healed the Armoured raises it's arms and claws at it's nape, letting out aggravated grunts when the Child continues to dance away from it's grip, and it's only a split second after I reverse the hold on my blades before I spin and slice into one of the arms.

Everyone begins to hack away much like Mikasa and I did before; slicing into any exposed flesh with vigor. With each attack the Armoured lets out distressed calls, scrambling and flailing in desperate attempts to bat us away.

The Child keeps calling out, vainly attempting to remove more of the plating. The claws that initially pierced the armour had broken on impact, leaving the small titan unable to do more than attack the flesh that is already bare.

Jean swings by me, going in for another attack as Niche and Gauche pull away from the Armoured's legs, bringing him down to his knees once more.

Avian needs to hurry. It's only a matter of time before….

An explosion shakes the world as a great gust of wind and steam blows me back. A single, muscular arm erupts from the Armoured's nape, hand clenched in a fist, and the Child barely jumps away into the trees before another larger gust of steam bursts out of the titan.

Clouded in hot white fog it's impossible to see, but I can just barely make out a tall form pulling itself from its fleshy restraints before letting out an inhuman roar. The giant's arm swings out, clearing some of the air, and I just catch a glimpse of the Rouge Titan's violent green eyes before it's fist slams into the Armoured's face. The resounding crack shakes the earth around me, and the Armoured flies back and crashes into the trees.

The Rogue lets out another roar, bowing its head back so it screams into the sky, and I reflexively tighten my grip around my blades.

Eren is free, but is he in control?

The teen's ability to control his titan is a complete shot in the dark at best. Of the handful of times where he's transformed, half of those instances resulted in him going batshit crazy. Though it happened awhile ago, the battle between the Rouge and Female in Stohess still plays fresh in my mind. A particular scene where the Rouge, it's body almost on fire, rampaging through the city and nearly killing Annie Leonhart comes to mind. The last thing we need is for Eren to completely lose it.

Returning his attention to the fallen titan who has yet to get up, the Rouge takes a few steps toward it before movement catches its eye. Looking so comically small compared to the larger titan that she almost looks like a doll instead of a living being, the Child titan lands on his shoulder. I can see her obviously speaking into his ear, though I can hear none of her gnarled words, and they stare at each other.

Bracing myself against a trunk in preparation to make a mad dash in case everything turns to hell, I watch tensely as they continue to stare, the Rouge heaving in strangled breaths while the Child perches stock still.

Nothing happens for many heartbeats, even as the Armoured seems to come to itself and begins to rise, until finally the Rouge's head lowers. It lets out a whoosh of breath which looks like more steam, and the titan visibly relaxes.

'_So the kid is in control. Good.'_

The Child speaks something else to the larger, to which he nods. The Child then jumps off his shoulder toward us and the Rouge follows. The Child disappears into the trees for a moment before reappearing again and swiftly making its way toward me.

"Leave." it says when it is close enough, though due to it's imperfect speech it sounds more like 'weave'.

Together the Child and I turn and head back toward the others, the Rouge titan just behind us. I can see bits and pieces of the others as they fly away from the fight, Jean with Niche and Gauche carrying Mikasa.

Distantly I hear trees creak back where the Armoured is, but when I glance over my shoulder I see that the thing isn't even able to stand properly, much less give chase.

"Levi."

At Gauche's call I turn to him.

"Petra was injured and had to retreat." he states, the tone of his voice bearing weight heavy enough to make me scowl. "She joined up with Mike and the rest of the formation not long before Jean, Niche and I left to go after you."

'_So that's where Petra went.' _I scowl, offhandedly wondering if she's alright before the more pressing issue takes my attention and makes me curse into the air. '_How am I going to explain this shit storm... Erwin's going to have a fucking conniption thanks to a certain dumbass….'_

None too discreetly I pierce an icy stare into the titan shifter beside me. Despite the fanatical turn to stop Eren's attempted kidnapping I'm still pissed at hell.

'_Putting the entire mission at risk all for some idiotic plan she just pulled out her ass... The moment we stop to regroup I'm going to snap her idiotic neck.'_

Probably because she noticed the change in atmosphere, the moment the thought comes to mind the Child turns to look at me, seemingly almost confused by the furious glare I'm giving it.

"...at?" it asks, unable to pronounce the 'wh'.

"You know what."

At this the titan's eyes narrow and a familiar look of determination sets in.

"It ...orked" it defends itself, nodding toward the Rouge following behind us. "Eren ...ack."

"That's a shitty excuse for what you pulled."

I can already feel the fire at the back of my throat, and I open my mouth to insult her further for being an idiot, but before I can her gaze focuses on something over my shoulder and her pupils shrink to the size of pinheads.

Before I can react I'm shoved roughly to the side, spurring intense pain in my shoulder, and my breath is knocked out of me when I collide into a tree. Primal instincts kick in for a moment as I hungrily suck in air, and I snap my head up to glare at the place where I just was only to gaze in shock as the Child clutches it's upper arm and kicks out at a previously hooded figure.

Bertolt raises his swords and grunts as the Child's feet connect sending beads of poisonous liquid flying around him. Though I haven't regained my wind yet I grit my teeth and shove myself off the tree. Bertolt's eyes snap to me as I slash at him, and he once again raises his swords to block the attack.

"Corporal!"

Niche's cry comes from somewhere near to my right as she changes direction mid air and brandishes her blades, expression hellbent. Bertolt, head swiveling about him to take stock of his surroundings, leaps back as Niche lunges for him. His blades come down with the intention of cutting the blond from behind but a set of blackened, half broken claws block the swipe.

"You traitorous bastard!" Jean yells from high up in the trees, knuckles white against the grips of his blades and he attacks from above.

Clearly outnumbered Bertolt jerks himself backwards into the trees once more with a burst of gas just as Jean passes by, the teen's blades missing him by a hair.

Behind me a great thumping shakes the earth with an indignant cry and soon after the Rouge breaks through the leaves, a punch already in full swing aimed straight for the black haired man.

In a flash yellow lightning cracks the sky and a colossal arm lunges out from the resulting cloud of steam and backhands the Rouge, sending the titan hurling into the trees.

Just beyond the wall of steam before us the half formed body of the Colossal titan appears. Though it's top portion is fully transformed it's body stops at the chest, leaving rows of ribs exposed where they are embedded into the earth to keep the massive creature upright.

'_Well fuck.'_

Everyone including I retreat into the trees as the Colossal swipes it's mighty arm through the air again, Jean barely managing to duck out of way.

"Don't fight it!" Gauche orders from high above us, holding petrified Mikasa in his grasp. "We can't take it on our own. Head back to the others!"

"We can't just leave!" Jean argues through gritted teeth. "They'll just follow us back. Let's kill them while we have a chance!"

"Are you taking lessons from that suicidal brat or are you just that stupid?"

At my snide remark Jean gapes at me and I keep him in place with a hardened stare.

"The Colossal is impossible for us to kill as we are." I explain as if I'm talking to a child. "But if you want to turn into titan shit be my guest."

Jean grits his teeth in a vicious mental struggle but he offers no counter. I hear him mutter profanities under his breath before he leaps away toward where Gauche waits with Mikasa. My eyes find Niche next far below us near the ground, long hair whipping about as she ascends and meets up with the others.

The sound of trees cracking draws my attention toward the Colossal again as it lifts a freshly uprooted tree in its grasp. It hurls it, it's girth crushing and splintering branches on its arc toward Gauche and the rest but quick as a flash the Child appears again from below. Using its hands it redirects the projectile using a technique I taught Avian myself many months ago, gliding it harmlessly into the woods away from us.

Firing my cables I swing myself up close to the shifter and order, "Retreat to the others."

The Child inclines its head but doesn't move. I follow its gaze to see the Colossal staring up at us. No, staring at _her_. Even in his monstrous form I spy an odd expression in Bertolt's gaze, something akin to surprise but not quite. It's the same expression the Female made when it first saw the Child as well. I get a very strong feeling that there is something highly significant that I'm missing.

Trees shaking break me out of my stupor as, finally, the Rogue stumbles back into view. Immediately the Child rushes from my side to perch itself on the titan's shoulder again. It whispers something before leaping away just as quickly and the Rouge, after a obvious moment of deliberation while it stares down the immobile Colossal, follows at the Child's heels.

Following the other soldier's retreat I glance over my shoulder to see that the Colossal has already disappeared, leaving nothing but gouges in the earth and emptiness in it's wake.

xXx

Tal is as fortified as Hanji said it would be; dozens of large buildings made completely out of dark stone and mortar forming a circular shape within a meadow surrounded by a thick ring of forest. From the looks of it the abandoned settlement has remained completely untouched since it was last lived in. Homes stand strong with their foundations in tact, the three smithys the small village offers still have their tools of the trade cluttered insider sheds, and even the glass windows of the buildings are undamaged. Even having been abandoned for who knows how long the natural boundary of tree covered hills surrounding the town were able to keep titans from destroying it.

If only we were in the mood to appreciate it.

To say the army was left in shambles is a slight understatement. The sudden ambush made by the unknown soldiers as well as the appearance of the Armoured and Female titans completely demolished over half of our force. All but two of our supply carts were destroyed in the attack, leaving such a pitiful amount of resources that I wonder if it's worth setting up an outpost here at all anymore, and from the looks of the survivors they are all thinking the same thing as well.

The bulk of the surviving force waits in the center of the village, horses tied to every house and building while their riders are treated for various wounds suffered in battle. Medics run about the place like mad men, shouting at one another for help even though they are already stretched too thin. One such soldier dashes past me with a bucket of water, nearly tripping over himself in his haste as he rushes to the side of his fellow comrade where they lay eerily still in the grass. I cannot see the wounds from here, but I already know that the medic's desperate attempts to save his friend are in vain. The poisonous coating the enemy used on their blades was something that none of us could have foreseen, and it's taking a heavy toll. Despite all the aid the wounded receive no one has an antidote. The fallen soldiers die one after another in pools of their own blood and vomit. We'll be lucky if even a fraction of our soldiers survive the trip back to the Walls.

Readjusting my position where I lean against the wall of an empty shop of some sort I continue to watch the poorly organized chaos around me. I can feel the heat of numerous eyes upon me, most likely wondering why I'm lounging instead of helping to save my soldiers, but I ignore them. I already know that there's nothing I can do. As loathe as I am to admit it, I'm just as powerless to stop the festering wounds as the panicked medics. Why waste energy trying to save men and women who are already dead? The best I can do is wait until the last of the infected die so we can finally move on.

Move on to what exactly?

A heavy weight bears down upon me and I tighten my fingers around my arms where they are crossed over my chest. The mission was a failure; it's plain on the face of every person I see. How could things have turned so quickly? We left the walls to the cheers and adoration of the people. After years of fighting and loss we finally gained the public's support. This was supposed to be the beginning of our counter attack… How did things go so wrong?

And we'll never get another chance to make up for it.

In my mind I can see the stoic face of Darius Zacklay, and though I wasn't present for the proposal I can still hear it in my ears as clear as day.

_The fate of the Recon Corps is dependent on the outcome of this mission._

We had one job, one goal, one chance to prove to him and the rest of those mucky-mucks that we are worth funding, that freedom is still worth fighting for. That dream has flown out the window and thrown itself down the throat of a titan now. There is no way Darius will let us continue after this bit of fuckery, and there is no way Erwin can embellish his report enough to convince him otherwise. The Corps are as good as dead.

'_My soldiers… my men… my squad…'_

It was all in vain in the end.

Scanning my eyes over the makeshift hospital splayed out over the courtyard I take the time to look at each and every face I see. Some of them have lost sibling, others have lost parents, many are trying to hold back tears while their friends slowly die to the poison while others stare into space, eyes void and unseeing. Though they were lucky enough to come away with their lives, each and every soldier has sacrificed something for the sake of this mission, and it kills me to know that their misery will be without consolation. Their friends died for nothing.

I hate meaningless death. I _hate _it. Ever since the day I joined this damned campaign I've had to deal with it, seeing comrade after comrade be devoured and torn before my very eyes. After so long I'd even grown used to seeing it, but the hatred never dimmed. All those years of cursing the titans for killing so many of us, the only way I held on was through the will of vengeance. The strength of the fallen became my own, and I swore my life to avenging each and every one of them. I devoted my life to humanity because I believed that their lives meant something, that their sacrifice shouldn't go to waste.

But all that fight and will has left me now. The Corps are done for; every life lost was for naught. All of my effort up to this point was for jack shit because Darius is going to dissolve our army the moment we step back through those gates.

Movement to the side of me catches my attention as Niche enters the courtyard with armfuls of clothes, Avian right behind her. Both crouch beside a fallen woman, her side and face bleeding so heavily it takes me a moment to recognize the swatch of auburn hair underneath. Niche sets the clothes down as Avian stoops beside her, both their hands busying over the body of Petra as she lies eerily still.

'_There's no hope for her.' _I think to them, feeling oddly empty watching them trying to save the life of a squad member that is already as good as dead.

The thought doesn't reach them, however, and both women continue their doting. Niche presses handfuls of the fabric they found into the injury as she speaks to her companion in a low tone, to which the ginger comments back. Though I cannot hear what either is saying it almost looks like they are arguing, Niche's brows knitting in irritation while Avian regards her with hard eyes. After a moment of apparent thought, Avian removes her hands from putting pressure on the wound. Niche barks at her, asking what the fuck she's doing as the smaller woman removes her gear and begins to disassemble it. Unable to remove her hands lest the wound on Petra's side continue bleeding out uncontrollably Niche can only watch as Avian opens up both of her gears, revealing the mechanisms and metallic cord within.

'_What's the idiot doing now….' _I muse with mild irritation, only half intrigued by the ginger's actions.

With a quick motion Avian takes one of her swords, digs the end of it deep into the ground, then snaps the blade in half. With half a sword in hand she then begins to use the shortened blade as a sort of improved screwdriver, taking out screws from inside both gears before setting the blade down and messing with the cords. Her hands move so deftly, the woman has always had a strange talent for working with machines, and begins reassembling it all the while Niche watches on, spouting curse after curse at her squad member. In almost what seems like no time at all it appears that whatever Avian was working on is done.

She swiftly closes both boxes, a single cord somehow connecting the two, and turns to ask the woman beside her something. Niche looks utterly confused and annoyed at the same time, but Avian persists, adding hand motions to the gesture. Niche, face taking on a more severe expression, shakes her head slightly and waves her hand helplessly at Petra below them. Avian asks again, almost pleading, which causes the blonde to stare at the grass. She stays like that for a good few seconds or so, but eventually she gives a slight nod. Avian swiftly hands her the hilts of both her blades while the ginger takes the broken half of sword out of the ground.

I'm utterly perplexed when Niche begins pulling on the triggers of both sword hilts causing the cord in both gears to whir, but since the Avian modified the gears to where they share a single cord between them, the cable merely shoots out of one while being retracted into the other. From what I can tell Niche alternates pulling the triggers so that the cord keeps going back and forth, entering and exiting both gears while Avian takes the broken blade in both hands and places the flat, broad side of the steel to the moving cable.

Immediately sparks shoot up from the metals along with a harsh grinding sound earning the attention of most everyone in the clearing, and I narrow my eyes.

'_Just what the hell is she trying to do?' _I growl, watching sparks fly in every direction.

Avian remains undeterred by the apparent stares and keeps the blade firmly against the moving cable. She grinds the blade against it for a full ten or so seconds, all the while Niche alternates the triggers to keep the cord moving.

Then without much warning Avian takes the blade off the cable, removes the fabric covering Petra's wound, then places the grinded part of the blade against her skin. Her scream echos off the empty walls for the village, and she writhes for a moment or two before she falls completely still, passed out. Avian never even flinched at her cry and keeps the blade on her, moving it down her wound inch by inch until she finally sets it down.

Taking a wet cloth from a nearby water bucket she dabs the area around the wound carefully, inspects it, then nods to Niche who immediately places the hilts on the ground. The cable stops and both women wash off the wounded soldier, cleaning the sweat, blood and grime off the exposed skin.

Apparently satisfied Avian stands, arms full of fabric ruined by the Petra's blood and walks away. Now gone I can see the wound clearly again and I lift up a surprised brow.

The injury is still as ugly as ever, but the bleeding has stopped, the skin and flesh looking as if they had been burned together.

'_She cauterized the wound.' _

If circumstances were different I think I'd actually be impressed by the woman's ingenuity. Stopping bleeding by heating up a broken blade using the friction from the gear's cable? Only a special kind of mind, a resourceful one who knows the workings of maneuver gear inside and out, could have come up with something like that. It's a shame that this particular resourceful mind is also equally infuriating.

Avian returns with a few more fresh clothes which she gives to Niche before walking away, eyes scanning the dozens of injured splayed out on the ground. She must have not noticed me, for when she walks by me and I grab her arm she jumps.

"We need to talk." I order her bluntly, face completely stoney even while she whips her head around to give me a sharp stare.

"I'm tending to the wounded."

"That wasn't a suggestion."

Avian's mouth forms a hard line, obviously wishing to argue, but she doesn't move her arm from my grip. Without another word I motion behind me with my head and turn my back to the courtyard, light footsteps following after me a second later. I keep walking until we reach the edge of the village and the sound of people is far from after giving the area around me a quick glance to make sure we are alone do I turn and bore my gaze into her.

"What the hell was that." I demand, not bothering to hide the harsh anger in my tone.

"What was what?" she fakely replies though her gaze turns cautious.

"Don't even try playing stupid with me." I growl. "I ordered you to stay back."

Avian's eyes narrow slightly.

"I don't understand why. I'm sure you must have realized the folly in Erwin's plan just as I did. We didn't have the luxury of time."

"Oh, is that so? Who told you that?"

"I needn't be told. I presumed as much on my own."

"So you openly admit to directly disobeying Erwin's orders as well as mine all because you thought you knew better."

My voice drips with venom but the woman has long since grown immune to it's effects, and she levels a stare against my own.

"I DID know better." she emphasizes calmly, chin raised. "Given the timeframe of which we had joint-analyzed with the relative distance remaining between our force and the outskirts of the forest, the amount of time left held little to no room for improvisation and would have surely failed. Whatever sort of countermeasure Erwin devised to implicate within that timeframe would have been dubious at best, and I was not confident that his plan would succeed under such strained conditions."

"So you're saying you didn't trust that Erwin would get Eren back."

"Not even remotely."

I don't know what pisses me off more: Avian's sudden gross overconfidence, or her lack of respect toward Erwin. Whichever it is doesn't matter, they're both infuriating in my eyes, and it takes every ounce of self control I can muster to not break her defiant face in.

"Erwin is your superior, your Commander. His word is law. Whatever he says, goes. You think you're above his command, like you're some special little shit-flake? Is that it?"

"No." she replies quickly and her answer only makes me angrier.

Avian doesn't back down when I step closer to her and snarl right in her face, "Then what the hell made you think you can just ignore DIRECT ORDERS from your highest commanding officer?"

"I ignored his orders," she hisses back with equal intensity, "because I was not willing to bet the life of one of my closest friends on some shoddy plan I had no faith in."

"And that dumbass shit you pulled was better?"

At this point Avian's eyes are blazing with blue fire, and I'm hard pressed to think of a time I've ever seen her this angry.

"Yes it was," she mutters darkly, boring her gaze right into mine. "Because I knew exactly what I was doing, I knew I had the ability to execute it in a timely matter, and if I may be so bold, I put substantially more stock into my own abilities than that of our commander."

I can hardly believe my ears. Wasn't it only just over a year ago that this very woman eagerly shook Erwin's hand when she was first introduced into the Corps? This woman whose very inclusion into the army hinged solely upon her performance and obedience? And now she speaks of him as if he has no idea what the hell he's doing. She admits that she doesn't believe nor trust in his decisions, and apparently she isn't afraid of practically usurping his position.

Though I fight to keep my expression relatively stoic I must have failed for Avian's eyes narrow slightly and she purses her lips.

"Does what I say offend you?" she asks. "I've no conceivable idea as to why it should; it isn't directed toward you after all, and yet here you are vexed by my admittance. You already know that your society's hierarchy and chain of command have no meaning to me. Erwin is just another man; a man who was willing to gamble the life of someone precious to me for the sake of some irrelevant mission."

"Irrelevant?"

For the first time during our exchange Avian's hardened expression falters when I get right in her face. My tense body causes my shoulder to ache distantly from the wound I forgot I received, but I ignore it. Instead I focus on the heat of anger contorting my features into a snarl, and words feel like fire as I spit them out.

"You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, and you're a damn piece of work for thinking you have no idea what was hinging on the outcome of this mission!"

The ginger gazes at me, momentarily losing her bravado, but in the next second her face hardens with conviction again.

"I care not about WHAT was hinging on this." she spurs back. "Eren's life was in jeopardy, and there is no way in hell anything else could be more important than getting him back! I saved his life which, just to spark your memory, is my _job._ I did what I did because I value him over any kind of compensation that can be gained from an expedition. Unlike the man you so highly regard, I would never bank the lives of Eren or any of these soldiers on such triviality."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but no one cares about what you think. Executing that shitty plan of yours wasn't your decision to make."

"Should it matter? It succeeded; Eren was rescued. Was that not Erwin's goal? I fail to comprehend why my acting independently is such a pressing issue."

"Your plan could have gotten yourself killed."

"I knew what I was doing. My other form is stronger than what you apparently presume, so the risks you're so afraid of hardly apply to me. But even if something were to befall me and I was indeed devoured I would still be performing the very duty I have always carried out. I don't understand…."

"Essentially committing suicide isn't performing your duty!"

"What does it matter to you?!"

Avian's voice raises an octave higher at her last statement, and in the blink of an eye our conversation completely flips.

"So what if I was killed while extracting Eren from his captors, what does it matter to you?" she demands, previous argument forgotten.

She pierces me with a very familiar pair of calculating eyes as if trying to search the very depth of my being.

"Your demeanor leads me to presume you couldn't care less about my welfare half the time, so why the sudden trepidation?" she continues. "If it is repentance you are seeking you shan't have it from me. I needn't justify my actions to anyone, even you."

The tone of her voice leaves no doubt in my mind that she means every word she says. Even as I glare her down I find no remorse in her expression. It is determined, up-chinned, and completely resolute. She doesn't care that I'm her Corporal, even now. The honest defiance in her face as if she is daring me to argue is a rare sight but one she wears surprisingly well.

However the next moment that face softens slightly, losing some of its hardness and molding into an expression more like her.

"I am grateful for your concern, and though I refuse to justify myself I apologize for worrying you so. Truly I do." she speaks in a much softer tone, eyes falling to the ground. "But I only did what I believed necessary and most effective. I bear no ill will against you or Erwin, and I certainly did not intend any accompanying disrespect, but saving Eren was my top priority."

A heavy silence rests between us as I take in her words, and though I'm still angry at her the fire in my chest lessens just slightly. Despite her indignation and blatant disobedience I already sort of knew that her actions were not entirely out of spite. Could she have just done what she was told? Yes. Should she be reprimanded for what she did? Most definitely. However, despite her misconduct I know that her intentions were good. She's impulsive, instinctive in some cases, and doesn't think of the consequences of her actions, but I know that her rash decision was made in part by her worry over the kid. It's not an excuse, but I'm positive a part of her panicked when Eren was first taken away, and just like any good friend she wanted to get him back.

What gets me though isn't the fact that she took it upon herself to rescue him, it was the severe lengths she was willing to take to do it. Willingly throwing yourself down the gullet of a titan? That's some fucked up shit not even Hanji would do. Avian's always been very adamant about the safety of her comrades, hell her tenacity for it was what sparked the creation of S.O.A.R. in the first place, but to so wildly jump into danger like that? She hasn't acted like that since near the beginning when she wasn't officially a soldier yet. I thought she outgrew making such drastic decisions, but obviously I was wrong.

Her eyes have yet to return to mine, but that's fine. Our conversation is almost done anyway, though there is one thing I want to ask her.

"So," I begin flatly. "You eagerly leapt into a titan's mouth knowing you would more than likely be killing yourself in the process, just to give yourself the best chance to save Eren."

Avian keeps her silence, but she gives a slight nod of her head.

I purse my lips.

"Why?"

A heartbeat passes before she answers.

"I'm not willing to lose someone else so dear to me again."

Images flash in my mind vividly; Avian sitting on the opposite end of my desk, curling in over herself as she weeps for Roda, and even older than that memories of a darkened living room, flames from the fireplace creating dark shadows on Avian's features as she tells my squad and I just how she came to live in her hidden home alone.

Suddenly I understand.

'_Fucking damn it.'_

A mild bout of irritation hits me hard enough for me to close my eyes and raise a hand to my face, rubbing my temple as my temper slowly dissipates. What is it about this woman that keeps me from being angry with her anymore? I was ready to rip her head off only moments before, so what's the big deal?

'_I know what the big deal is….' _I sigh inwardly. '_Damn it, why do these feelings have to be so vexing?'_

Breathing out a small huff through my nose I do my best to keep my tone flat.

"Saving someone or not, you can't just throw yourself into danger like that." I scold her.

"I know." she replies, finally looking back up at me. "I admit that what I did was foolish…."

'_You got that right.' _

"...but to lose Eren…" Avian pauses for a moment, eyes unfocusing just slightly to watch a scene only she can see, before she comes back to and continues. "I cannot vow I won't do it again, but I will try to be more heedful. Yes?"

It's not exactly the answer I'm looking for, since in reality I don't want her to do something that batshit insane ever again, but I already know that arguing will do nothing except piss me off again. Once this woman has her mind set on something neither god nor demon can sway her, so I have no choice but to incline my head.

"I'm not going to be the one to peel your rotting corpse out of one of those damn monsters. Shit's fucking gross."

I swear I'm being dead serious but apparently something about what I said was hilarious because Avian lets out a small chuckle and rubs her hands against her arms.

"Duly noted."

My eyes watch her carefully, not really sure what I'm looking for, until I spot a rip in the upper arm of her jacket I never noticed before. Wordlessly I grab her arm, to her slight protest, and pull it somewhat roughly into my gaze.

My scowl deepens into a grimace when I spy the wrappings of heavily bloodied bandages applied haphazardly around the injury.

"The dark haired one managed to slight me." the ginger explains, and I suddenly recall the moment right after she pushed me into the tree.

She was holding her arm back then too.

"It cut through the titan." I say bluntly, to which she nods.

"It did, but tis only a scratch. I'll be fine. And before you even ask," Avian tilts her head toward me, "yes I did have someone tend to it. I'm aware that the enemy coated their blades with a hazardous substance, but with any sort of possible antidote stored all the way back inside the Walls, this is the best we can manage."

"You need to do more than just bandage the damn thing." I chastise her, seeing Eld's ashen face in my mind's eye as he died, and suddenly I'm filled with alarm.

"I know." she agrees, "However there is nary a thing any of us can do here. I've felt no adverse effects thus far, so perhaps whatever toxin they used will be slow to take to me."

I open my mouth to argue with her about taking this so lightly, half our force is in the middle of dying because of it for shit's sake, but a voice interrupts me. Both Avian and I turn our heads where we here Niche's irritated call sound from back in the village, shouting Avian's name in between strings of profanity.

"I'm needed."

Turning her attention back to me she gives me another small smile and mutters, "Thank you."

'_What the hell is she thanking me for?' _I ponder, showing my confusion by quirking a brow.

"For your concern." she elaborates, then smiles wider. "And for letting me see the real you again."

'_The real…?'_

All at once memories assault the forefront of my mind; the slight darkness, the feeling of a body pressing into mine, the taste of soft lips…. I feel my body go rigid of its own accord, not even managing a shiver as a gust of frozen wind blows against us, and I keep my expression carefully neutral. Avian's eyes bore into mine and, despite my best efforts to seem unaffected, I can feel her staring right through me.

Only when Niche's voice curses again, this time much closer than before, does Avian thankfully tear her gaze from mine.

"I must go."

She detaches my hand, which I didn't realize was still holding onto her. I don't dare move a muscle when, instead of letting go, she casually slides her hand into mine. Our fingers lace together slightly, only for the span of a heartbeat, before she gives my palm a gentle squeeze and lets go.

She doesn't say another word as she turns and hurries toward Niche's voice, calling out to the foul-mouthed blond, and I simply watch her until she disappears between the stone buildings.

I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Clenching my jaw and silently willing my quickened heartbeat to calm down, a shiver unexpectedly runs down my spine and I feel heat upon the back of my head. Rapidly looking around my gaze freezes, and my blood along with it.

Erwin peers at me from atop his horse not even a few meters away. His eyes pin me in place, startling blue against his blond hair, and though his face remains as stoic as ever the sheer amount of electricity sparking in his gaze tells me all that I need to know

He's figured it out.

Against my will, and despite the frigid air and coldness in my veins, my skin begins to sweat underneath the intensity of his stare. He remains unnaturally still atop his steed, whose tail swishes nervously as if it too can feel the dark energy in the air.

Hours seem to pass with neither of us moving, and it takes all I have to pierce him with a steely glare in return. His stare remains unblinking for an abnormally long time before, with a sharp flick of his wrist, urges his horse forward.

I can almost hear an audible pop when our gazes finally break, and when he slowly passes by me the air seems to fill with static. For a tense moment I brace myself for the verbal lashing I know is in store, but the older man simply rides on by.

I don't dare move until the sound of hooves dissipates as he circles around the perimeter of the village. My body feels both heavy and gelatinous at the same time as I approach the nearest home and brace myself against it, resting my head against my arm.

Though he is long gone I can still feel the tingle of electricity sparking through my body, and a sense of dread constricts my chest.

He knows.

He figured it out.

What the hell is going to happen now? What's going to happen to me?

What's going to happen to Avian?

xXx

Thoughts run in a million directions as I saddle up my horse and follow behind Hanji as we depart Tal, unable to leave behind even a fraction of our soldiers and supplies to begin building the outpost. Our force was cut down a substantial number, bringing our total count to just below a hundred men. So many soldiers succumbed to the poisonous liquid that we had no choice but to leave all the bodies behind. The few who still fight, Petra included, were put onto one of the only wagons we have left. As we slowly make our way back to humanity I ride beside them, watching as, with every kilometer we travel, another soldier loses their fight.

We don't have enough room to keep the bodies aboard, and their weight only slows us down. Once we enter the plains and a few straggling titans who were waiting just outside the treeline spot us and give chase, we have no choice but to throw the bodies overboard.

You can hear the crunch of bones as they fall.

We are so pathetically weak now, barely able to keep a formation as we speed as fast as we can to Wall Maria. We don't have enough surviving soldiers to guard the wagons and fight off assaulting titans at the same time. All we can do is outrun them.

We dump more bodies.

Mikasa's dark eyes stare into nothing as she sits against the back of the wagon, leg hastily braced with thick branches and ripped mantle. Eren sits beside her, his shoulder and head wrapped in bandages, and he openly weeps into his arm. The scene almost makes me want to laugh with how similar it is to our return from the 57th expedition.

I have no idea what to think about as we ride; my thoughts change direction as swiftly as the wind around us. I think about the shifters, their armoured and colossal bodies tearing up the forest around them. I think about swishing blond hair and crystallized skin. I think about a brown haired man still hanging from his cables, crimson rivers coloring his face. I think about the body I had to leave on the broad branch of a tree, covered in it's own vomit. I think about the clashing of blades, the screams that follow them. I think about the courtroom in Stohess where Erwin will have to testify to Darius about our failure.

Snow begins to fall heavier, steadily coming down in pristine specks. They cling to our clothes, our hair, our skin, as if trying their best to make us white and pure again. But as quickly as they land they disappear, leaving us cold and stained.

I think about that night, of ginger hair and sparkling eyes. I think about warmth, and softness, and sweetness. I think about vulnerability, of hurt, and ultimately of comfort.

I want that again. I want all those things instead of the coldness and despair I feel now. I know it's foolish, but for once I don't mind being a fool. That warmth and softness and sweetness would make all of this better. If I could have it, I could forget all about this place. I could forget all about titans and death. If only I could have that again, maybe, just maybe, I'd be alright.

Will I ever have it again?

We dump more bodies as Maria comes into view, the titans on our heels slowly receding into the distance. Jean hasn't said a word our entire way back, following blindly behind me. He never once looked up from where he stares at his hands.

Gauche's white hair billows like a giant snowflake ahead of me, his oddly purple tinted eyes looking at something only he can see. Niche rides right beside him, her face contorted and dark. I notice that their third member is missing.

Mike is as silent as ever, diligently galloping at the head of the formation. He hasn't said a word, and I almost forgot he was even on the mission. Even though he wasn't present for any of the fighting within the forest, his part of the formation having taken a while to catch up, his eyes are as haunted as the rest of us.

Hanji guides her horse a few paces from me. Her glasses have a crack in them as she gazes ahead, and the strange voice box hangs from her belt. For a moment I ponder over our joint suspicion of a traitor being in our midst. Judging from her scrunched expression, I wonder if Hanji is pondering over it too.

Avian is nowhere to be found, probably keeping pace somewhere behind me. I don't want to know what sort of expression she wears.

Erwin's form is a steady presence at the head of our small company, continuously looking forward to our destination. I wonder what sort of thoughts are running through his mind.

What sort of welcome will we recieve this time? Will the people cheer? Curse? Weep? It doesn't matter in the end. The only support we had will be gone the moment we step back into the safety of the Walls. They will all crawl away and leave us for dead just like we left the bodies of our comrades to rot.

I don't blame them.

Petra lets out a pathetic cough, body heaving even though there is nothing left to expel. The medic that sits with her stopped giving her water a long time ago. I pointedly don't look at her ashen face.

We toss Petra's body just before we make it to the Wall.

***Author's Note***

Hey, remember WAY back in the day where I actually uploaded chapters somewhat regularly? HA! Me neither…

This update is way past overdue, and once again I cannot apologize enough. I'll be honest and say that I just didn't have the will to write for a long time. Kinda hard to write a chapter filled with a great deal of death when you're going through it yourself, ya know? I also apologize if this chapter is shitty. This thing fought me the ENTIRE way. NOTHING about writing this was easy for me, especially the final conversation between Levi and Avian. At first I thought they'd end up having one of their blow-up fights, but it just didn't seem to fit since the last time they were really together was pretty positive. So, after rewriting it four or five times I finally settled with what I have here. Hopefully it isn't too out of place. I dunno…. Nothing came out the way I originally planned, but what can ya do? At least this chapter is slightly longer than normal, so that's a plus, right? ^-^

I don't think there is anything else I can say except to apologize more. I really do feel awful for the long wait, but I'll (try) to stop being so hard on myself about it. I don't know when the next update will be, but I hope it won't take nearly as long as this, no promises though. I'm horrible at keeping promises haha.

Now to reviews:

**Haruna Shikaio- **Haha, I'm glad you liked the chapter, and if you're still here hopefully you'll like this one too C:

**Crystalviolet24- **Glad to know that the action scenes are fun to read. They are the biggest thing I have trouble writing aside from conversations, and I always struggle with them to make everything clear and easy to imagine while not being choppy or repetitive or drawn out or whatever. Hopefully I find a good medium in there somewhere. I thank you for your consideration as well C:

**TolkienGirl- **Calm down there buddy, no need to headdesk haha! I do admit that it's kind of fun making you guys get worked up though xD Thank you for the compliments C:

**DontEvenAsk- **I'm happy to be alive and well too! Maybe you can sense when an update is coming, even it it's atrociously late haha!

**LightMidnight- **Thank you for lovely comment! And yes, Avian is quite transparent with her intentions sometimes; it's part of the whole honesty thing C:

** \- **Yay! Hopefully you're still here to enjoy more heart thrumming goodness C: That rebellious streak is something Avi really needs to work on. Her intentions are good, but destructive, and I fear that her impulsiveness will end with some terrible consequences. And of course Levi is still gonna worry; she's got him by the heart and I love it C:

**Pinkiebug84- **I'm glad that you appreciate the fact that I respond, because I love talking back to you guys! Replying to reviewers and leaving reviews myself are a big part of why I do this. It helps authors grow and feel appreciated, and them responding shows that they care and genuinely enjoy reading what their readers have to say, which is exactly how I feel C: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter (though I apologize for the typo, I admit my writing is riddled with 'em because I'm usually to lazy to proofread). I do the best I can to try and come up with something new and different from the show and use it in the form of Avian's plan's for example, and the military relationship dynamic is something that I think works best if it's more strict in this case. I do thank you again for your insight about it ages and ages ago. It really helped C: You're review is so kind I could just cry. I thank you so much for taking your time to write it C:

Before I let you guys go, I want to give a HUGE thank you to DontEvenAsk, sakura-nya, CFVplayer, and TheRealXiaoLong for your encouraging reviews on my Author's Note. I know it took me a while to actually finish this chapter, but just seeing your comments and knowing that there were still people out there who are still willing to keep up with my writing and offer support despite my lack of activity means the world to me. I cried when I saw them. If it weren't for you guys this update would have taken way longer, so it's thanks to you that I found the drive to begin writing again. I cannot thank you enough ;u;

Anyway I'll leave this here. Thank you again for everything all you readers do. You guys are the ones who make me want to come back and keep going. You all deserve free cookies for life o3o Until next time!

-Ambi


	31. Beloved

Chapter 28:

**Beloved**

The trip though the Walls is all a dull blur. Exhaustion, both physically and emotionally, turn my surroundings into a hazy afterthought as we ride. I barely take notice of the villages we pass through on our way back to Stohess, but honestly there isn't much to see.

Though the relocation of refugees has been going on for a good while now, most of the homes we pass are still broken and empty. Entire towns sag under the weight of the nightmare that first tore them down, and despite the obvious efforts of the Military Police to rebuild and restore as fast as possible, progress is achingly slow and despite their toil scars in the landscape and buildings still remain.

A small portion of the people who have migrated back their original homes come out to see us as we march. At first they cheer, waving dirtied kerchiefs and clapping worn hands in appreciation for the soldiers returning home, but the jovial display dies down as quickly as it started.

Eyes focused pointedly ahead I don't bother looking at the faces of the men and women we pass; my ears tell me all that I need to know.

"Where are the rest of the carts? Surely they left with more than that?"

"They look like they trudged through hell and back."

"Why aren't they looking at us?"

"Are these the only survivors left!?"

"Where are the injured? They couldn't have left them to die?"

"Look at Commander Erwin's face. Did the mission really go that badly?"

There are only a handful of people out on the street muttering underneath their breath, but their words sound like screams. Eyes of fathers and mothers and siblings and even a few children scorch the skin on the back of my neck, silently raining down judgement upon us.

None of us say a word.

It's many heavy hours later before we finally reach Stohess, though it isn't a sight any of us have been looking forward to seeing. The people here line up the streets just as the smaller villages did before us, cheering and beaming as we slowly make our way to the Corps building, and just like their counterparts inside the farther Walls these people kill their joy almost immediately.

A woman's voice calls to us as we pass, screaming "Where is my son!? I don't see my son!"

Other voices soon join hers, calling out for family and friends that are no longer there. The sound of their cries are so loud I wonder if the bodies back in Tal can hear them.

"What is the meaning of this Erwin!" A broad shouldered man blocks the way, teeth bared. "Just how many of us did you send to die this time!?"

Ahead of me Erwin slows his steed to a stop. His blond hair shimmers with melted snow and sweat as he bends his head down to look at the man, but the commander remains silent. The villager growls and clenches his fists.

"Say something you cold hearted bastard! My sister was with you, where is she!? Tell me where Kail is!"

Erwin remains silent for a long moment, the eyes of all the citizens and soldiers boring into him. After a heartbeat more he rights himself on his horse and looks forward again.

"Your sister is dead." Erwin's hollow voice speaks softly, sounding just as dead as the woman he is referring too.

The man's eyes scrunch, anger filled tears spilling freely down his tan cheeks, then suddenly he lunges and grabs Erwin's leg.

"YOU SENT HER TO DIE!" he screams as he attempts to yank Erwin off his horse.

Just as quickly as the man grabbed him Mike comes up beside the villager and kicks, sending the man tumbling harshly to the ground.

"How could you do this!?" the man cries from the ground once more as the company begins to move again. "How can you live with yourself!? Don't you feel anything?! Are you even human anymore?!"

The heat from the man's despair burns my cheek as I pass, but I keep my eyes focused solely on Erwin. Not once does the commander speak or move, his body rigid in the saddle. The shouting and curses drown out in the distance, but even when the air turns silent again my ears still ring and I can't seem to stifle the acid burning in my chest. Their pleas haven't affected me this badly in a long, long time.

Erwin disappears as soon as we make it back to headquarters, no doubt leaving to make his report of our failure to Darius. Our shriveled company disburses like roaches, swiftly scurrying to whatever dark corner we can find to hide and wallow in seclusion. Such a thing is quite easy to do now that more than two-thirds of the rooms are permanently unoccupied. The task of returning personal belongings to families is going to be an arduous one.

After returning my horse to the stalls I make my trip to the infirmary quick. Unsurprisingly it isn't busy; any soldiers who would have needed help died along the way, so the place is oddly quiet as I get my shoulder seen too.

The nurse doesn't say a word as she pulls the long shard of wood from my flesh and patches the wound up with antiseptic and gauze. Her face is scrunched up while she works, but I have an odd feeling it isn't because of the sight of my injury. I vaguely recall that her daughter fights in the Corps. The haunted nature of her eyes suggest that she hasn't seen her yet.

She probably never will.

After the infirmary I force myself upstairs to my office; I've got my own report to turn in. I see without seeing as I recount the happenings of our venture to Tal, pen scratching against paper being the only sound to fill the cold room. My hands hesitate for a painful heartbeat each time I have to write the name of one of my squad members down.

The images of their vacant faces are proving to become a vivid nightmare for me. I doubt I'll ever fully get used to seeing them. I wonder if Farlan and Isabel were there to greet them? I hope so. Those two were always better with people than I was. Hopefully they can tell my squad the words I was never able to form myself.

The air from my breath billows in cold vapor as I fold up my reports and seal them. For once my body feels heavy as I trudge my way to Erwin's office and lay the envelope upon his empty desk.

Part of me wonders what I should do now. My mind feels clunky, shuttering and struggling and only able to focus on one thing at a time. Vaguely I feel the unappealing stickiness of dried sweat all over my body. Perhaps a shower would be nice.

Unlike I normally do, I take my time and leisurely stand in the water as it runs over me. The bandages on my shoulder get soaked from where I didn't bother to remove them. I know I should have, the last thing I need is for it to get infected, and I did just have the nurse wrap it for me, but oddly enough I have difficulty bringing myself to care. The throbbing is almost kind of nice against the almost numbing feeling that plagues the rest of my limbs.

After much too long I finally decide to step out and get dressed, rewrapping my injury with my own supplies as I do so, and head back out again. The cold freezes my hair and blows it against my forehead in a most unpleasant way as I walk outside, but it doesn't last for long. Entering an adjacent building I meander downstairs, not really knowing what else to do at this point in time, and enter through one of the doors without knocking.

Inside Hanji hunches over a table, her makeshift laboratory in shambles as usual. Beakers, papers and other miscellaneous items litter every flat surface, and a stack of empty bowls and plates balances precariously in the corner. The scientist doesn't bother looking up as I enter and shut the door behind me, too engrossed in her work to take notice.

Upon the table lays a familiar box, its covering removed and insides exposed. The mechanisms are entirely alien looking: a few wires leading here and there, prods and probes sticking up from something flat and green in color. It's a technology I've never seen before, something obviously far more advanced than our own, and that simple fact alone strikes me hard enough to speak.

"Understanding any of it?" I ask casually, but despite my lowered tone the brown haired woman in front of me starts, knocking the table in her haste.

"L… Levi!" She stutters looking very much like her mind had been pulled from a far away place, but in the next moment the confusion passes and a grin splits her face. "Came down here to check this out, am I right?"

I give her a small nod and motion toward the box, asking again, "Understand any of it?"

At this Hanji's smile falls and an uncharacteristic scowl pulls at her features.

"No." she states simply, gazing down at the half disemboweled object. "I've never seen anything like this before. None of these parts look even remotely similar to anything I've ever seen."

Taking a step closer to get a better look I glare down at the offending box and gently pick it up to inspect. Even up close there is nothing remotely familiar about it aside from the wires. Everything else from the flat green board, the pattern of plates, the silver portions, the metallic looking intricacies are all a complete mystery.

"I've tried everything I can think of to figure out how it works," Hanji continues in a hushed voice, "but I can't get it to do anything again. All I get is that strange, soft crackling noise when I push the side button."

Hanji extends her hand and I give the box back to her.

"Everything inside is made out of different types of metals." she explains as she turns over the box, opens up a back panel, and pulls out two silver cylinders. "I don't know what these are, but they appear to be a power source. I hooked one up to my electric coil and it conducted a current, the same with the various silver pieces inside as well. I still haven't figured out how all of this works together, but it's obvious that it runs on electrical energy somehow."

"Is such a thing possible?" I raise a brow. "As far as I know no one has been able to harness it for anything, much less contain it."

"I don't know." Hanji admits sullenly. "But it has to be possible; we have the evidence right here. And if my guess is correct, then whatever technology this is is far more advanced than I originally thought. It's more compact and efficient than steam, that's for sure."

She gives the box a light bounce in her hand to prove her point.

"I've seen several of these on the hips of their soldiers, all the same size and shape, like it's mass produced. Wherever those people came from are pretty well off to manufacture something like this. These things are more complicated than pocket watches; at least I can figure out how the gears in THOSE work together."

With a slightly disgruntled huff she sets the box back on the table, knocking a screwdriver to the floor as a result, and draws a hand through her still dirty mess of hair.

"I've tried every angle I know and I'm still pulling up much of nothing."

I have no reply to that, so a heavy silence falls between us. The scientist walks over to another desk, this one piled high with numerous books and papers, pulls out the chair from it and sits down, resting her elbows on her knees. I remain in my spot, arms slightly folded as we both stare into space. The light of the single lantern resting on the table by the box illuminates the dark room with soft amber and throws dark shadows upon the walls. After a good long while, Hanji whispers into the poor light.

"I hate this Levi."

I say nothing and keep my eyes glued to the silhouette of some machine on a shelf. Hanji shuffles in her seat.

"I hate this." she says again in a more burdened voice, finally drawing my attention to her hunched form.

"Have they found anything yet?" I question to which Hanji shakes her head.

"Nothing. All equipment was checked and soldiers questioned, but no one could find any leads."

"Armin figured out who Annie Leonhart was last time. Has anyone talked to him?"

"Yes, but as far as I know he doesn't have any idea about a possible spy either. The only reason he had a hint about Annie was because he noticed she used another cadet's gears for the inspection. If there is another like her then any evidence of it was already destroyed."

"Someone somewhere had to tell them about our mission." I frown, still glaring at the wall. "Those people knew we were coming, their actions were too deliberate for it to be just a random guess. Plus there was that group of those strange titans we fought before we got to the forest. Some weird shit is happening Hanji."

"I know." Hanji sighs. "But without any evidence or lead there isn't anything we can do. I don't know how they knew about the mission either. For all I know they could have some kind of machine that tells them." she ends bitterly, sparing the worktable the briefest of glances before turning away again. "They have the technology to communicate over long distances; there's no telling what else they're capable of."

That's right, isn't it?

I too glance at the offending contraption, dark dread simmering in the pit of my stomach. Whoever these people are, they have power. To have the ability and knowledge to create technology like this, something unlike we've ever seen...

And their numbers…. Though we managed to fend them off and escape back into the Walls, we only managed to do so by the skin of our teeth. Their force greatly outnumbered ours, and matched our prowess in combat blade for blade. Who knows just how large the entirety of their army is? What weapons they possess? What more have they created aside from the voice box? Just how far ahead are they?

'_What reason do they have for targeting us?'_

Two faces appear in my mind, brown hair with green eyes and ginger hair with blue, and my body involuntarily tightens. Whatever those two have these people want. They have made it abundantly clear that they'll kill every last one of us to get it. This is merely the beginning.

I clench my fists and stare at the shadows on the wall.

xXx

It isn't long before the stifling atmosphere of the Corps, as well as the sullen sense of hopelessness clinging to Hanji like a cape, drives me from the bowels of the woman's lab back up onto the surface. By that time evening has already begun and the sun mocks our misery by shining brilliant rays of gold across the yard.

No one is around, not in the halls nor out in the court; it seems as if this place is occupied by nothing but ghosts now. My feet lead me outside of their own accord, trodding down a frost covered path I pay little attention to. The snow that began falling during the mission hours before continues to litter the frozen air, having grown into a steady blanket.

Hiding under the hood of my mantel against the chill I walk down behind the main Corps building along a well worn path. A thin blanket of fresh snow gives the slightest of crunches as I walk, the only noise the world seems capable of producing at the moment. I concentrate on the sound, sheerly because I'm tired of thinking of heavier things,.

Reaching the bottom of a slight hill a new sound reaches me. The banter of living creatures prods me to lift my head. Horses whinny inside the corral, their riders having never bothered to put them in their boxes as is protocol, and hooves thud against the ground as a group trod past, seemingly oblivious to the flakes of snow and ice tangling in their manes.

As I approach the fence one horse in particular starts, it's massive gray head lifting and ears flicking in my direction. The stallion, although broad and sturdy in size, seems to almost dance when it catches sight of me and in the next moment gallops across the pasture.

I simply gaze at him as he thunders closer, tail held high and flying, but as he draws near something in him switches. Abruptly the stallion comes to a halt a few yards away, dark eyes darting across my hooded face as if looking for something. I stare back at him as the dock of his tail slowly lowers and an expression of disappointment clouds his features.

"Not who you were expecting, huh?" I tell him, watching as… Stone-something… shakes his head and paws at the ground with a feathered hoof.

I have no qualms in saying that I do not know this horse well, having never spent much time with the beast outside of him happening to be nearby while I tend to my own steed. I can hardly remember his name; Stone…. wall was it? Stonewall? Sounds about right. Whatever his name is, I know next to nothing about him, but even now I can read the sadness upon every inch of his body.

"I wonder…" I tell him as I lift a hand, "... when was the last time your mistress visited you? Is that why you feel like this?"

Stonewall blinks at my outstretched hand, and though he stares at it he comes no closer.

"Or maybe you can sense what has happened today." I state instead. "Did your friends tell you?"

The stallion merely twitches his withers in answer and hangs his massive head with a deep sigh. I keep my hand up in offering, but after a minute of him not moving I retract it back inside my mantel.

The forlorn of what is to come isn't as oppressing out here by the stables, but I can still feel it hanging in the air, clinging to every snowflake that flutters down. For a while I just stand there, watching the flurry around me, unwilling to make myself return to the building up on the hill. Stonewall stands with me just out of reach. Every once in awhile he will shift to look up at the Corps building or let out a disgruntled huff from his nostrils, but other than that he remains oddly still. Even the neighing of the other horses beckoning him to join them in a run isn't enough to draw him out of his stupor, and soon enough they too leave him be.

The quiet is nice in a way, a much welcome change from the screams and sounds of battle from earlier in the day. Out here I can almost fool myself into believing that today is just another day, that there is nothing except cleaning for me to do when I return to my office. Almost. But the stallion at my side reminds me of the woman his is waiting for, and the woman reminds me of the shitstorm she created, and the shitstorm reminds me of the dire consequences that are sure to come.

Where is she now? Is she thinking about it like I am? Somehow I doubt it. There is no way for her to know just what her actions today mean for the Corps. She doesn't believe she did anything wrong anyway.

'_Throwing her life around so lackadaisically….'_

An unconscious 'tch' escapes my lips before I press them together in a frown. Such a mix of things roll in my chest now; anger for all the lives we lost today because of her, and immense relief that she herself wasn't one of them. Once again I imagine her being swallowed up by the Female Titan, feeling everything inside me crumble at that very moment, only for her to emerge safe and sound. I recall the look of horror on her titan's face both times she shoved me out of the way of oncoming blades only to be sliced by one herself, probably having saved my life two times over. I envision the softness of her features when we were alone in Tal, and my hand shifts ever so slightly when I again feel the warmth of her fingers there as if trying to capture it as I should have done back then.

Something fleshy pushes against my cheek.

Having no idea I had zoned out the sudden feeling startles me slightly and I take an instinctive step back. Stonewall watches me with his head over the fence, an ear flicked back in slight annoyance.

It takes me a moment to recollect myself, and when I do the oddest sensation to laugh overcomes me.

"Are you so intune with that brat you call a master you can tell when someone even thinks of her?" I rag him lightly.

I raise my hand for him again and this time he accepts, pushing his soft, warm muzzle into my palm. I run my hand over his broad features, scratching the space between his dark eyes, and the stallion leans into my touch. For just the slightest of moments my lips twitch upwards, but in the next they fall again.

I had pushed the thought of her to the back of my mind since we returned home, but now that she occupies my thoughts, I can't help but wonder how she's doing. Is she getting treated?

'_She acted fine when I last saw her...' _I reason to myself, '_...but that was hours ago.'_

A twisting of apprehension sickens my stomach. Though she seemed alright before, there is no way she avoided being poisoned. The soldiers had slick covering every blade, and the cut was deep enough to reach her human flesh through her titan. She didn't succumb nearly as quickly as the others, but without an antidote….

I forcefully stop my thoughts there.

It isn't long before the light of the day begins to seriously die as the sun dips below the horizon, and as regretful as I am too leave, I know I can't stay. Giving the stallion one last pat I turn away from him. At this the horse lets out an undignified huff, but I keep on my way. He follows me for as long as he can until the fence of the corral stops him, and I can feel his intelligent gaze upon me as I begrudgingly climb my way back up the hill path.

The halls of the Corps building are just as empty as before as I make my way back up to my office, feet dragging every step of the way. I know what I'll find once I get there, but that knowledge doesn't make my journey any easier.

Shuffling through the door and closing it behind me, I glance at the small pile of papers waiting in a neat stack at the corner of my desk. Though it's impossible to see what is written there from this distance and from the dimness of the room, my eyes easily read the emboldened words at the top of the first paper on the stack.

_To the family of __**Bozado, Oluo**_

_On behalf of Erwin Smith_

_On behalf of Levi Ackerman_

_On behalf of the Recon Corps_

_We give our condolences for your loss_

A pain akin to a knife in the chest strikes me as I tear my eyes way and head to the closet. Out of habitual practice I take out my kerchief, as well as a duster and broom, and set to work attacking the nonexistent grime littering my office space.

It's difficult working in the near dark but I refuse to light the lantern. It sits right next to the papers, and I have no desire to go near them at this point in time. Instead I clean blindly, willing my mind to think of nothing else except the phantom dust motes I pretend to see. The familiar task is comforting in a way, and before I know it I've set about to scrub every inch of stone and mortar in this place even after the last of the sun's rays have died and nothing but slivers of moonlight illuminate the otherwise dark room.

I'm in the middle of wiping down a particularly spotless facet of the window when a knock sounds at my door.

Pulling down the cleaning kerchief covering my mouth I call out, "Enter."

Torchlight filters through the door as Hanji gazes inside. A rigidity halts me at the sight of her serious expression.

"Darius has called for a meeting."

'_Meeting?'_

Scowling I place the rag in my hand on a nearby shelf and narrow my gaze.

"Does that oaf have any idea what time it is? He wants to hold a meeting now?"

"Says the man giving his room a deep cleaning." Hanji states back with a shrug before offering another comment. "It regards to the mission. He said he'd rather address the issue as quick as possible."

The sickening twisting in my stomach returns with a vengeance, because there is only one way that this meeting can play out.

Stiffly I remove my kerchief and plaster on my mask. Only when I know I wear an expression of complete indifference do I follow Hanji out to the courthouse. Heavy silence accompanies us the entire way.

Though the snowing has stopped, the air outside is somehow colder than it was before, and when we finally reach our destination the inside doesn't feel much better.

Within the mostly empty trial room are a small handful of familiar faces, most of which I expected to be there: Erwin waits with Gauche to the left of the main walkway, both of their expressions severe, and to the right Nile Dok awaits with four of his men, all armed with their customary firearms. The audience I hadn't been expecting, however, kneels right in the middle of the room.

At the sound of approaching footsteps both Armin and Avian turn as best they can to look over their shoulders from where they kneel side by side, their wrists bound by metal cuffs connected to two separate posts fastening them to the ground. They are stripped of most of their uniform, wearing only trousers, shoes, and a simple, worn tunic each. Both are covered in numerous bandages, Armin especially, while Avian alone wears a thick wrapping around the top of her arm. It does not pass my notice that, aside from the bandages, she appears perfectly fine. I minutely wonder as to how that is possible considering all the others infected with the poison died not long after being infected, but I decide it best to not question it.

Keeping my surprise carefully hidden I follow Hanji to stand beside Erwin and Gauche near the front of the room.

Upon his seat behind the pedestal Darius clears his throat and lifts his head.

"I shall now commence the trial." his baritone voice carries throughout the room. "I have reviewed the reports you left me Erwin, and there are several troubling things I wish to discuss before I begin to form judgement."

Casting his heavy eyes to the man in question, Darius locks his fingers together on his desk.

"In your report you stated that within the unknown group who attacked, two of them were former Recon soldiers Berthold Hoover and Reiner Braun, and the other, Annie Leonhart, a former member of the Military Police. Is that correct?"

"That is correct." Erwin agrees as Darius presses on.

"It says here that all three took on titan forms and attacked you and your army alongside this unknown group. Are they allies?"

"There is no definite way to prove that they are affiliated," Erwin explains, "but the shifters and enemy soldiers appeared to be working together during their attack. I would say it's safe to assume that they are in league with each other to some degree, or at the very least share a common goal worthy enough to warrant mutual cooperation."

Darius grunts in his seat, expression appearing as one of deep concentration.

"Did they express any particular goal?"

"Yes. Though I was not present at the time they appeared, my subordinates all reported that they showed particular interest in Eren Jaeger. Both the unknown soldiers as well as the three shifters pursued Eren, with the Female Titan accomplishing to capture and consume him. It is my belief that this attack was another attempt to kidnap him."

"Do you know for what purpose?"

"I do not."

Darius frowns at his desk. The courtroom is dead silent as the judge gathers his thoughts and, after some tense seconds, speaks again.

"You failed to commandeer Tal, is that correct?"

The skin around Erwin's mouth tightens.

"Yes."

"And these numbers…." Darius continues, lifting a paper for emphasis, "The number of casualties written here is correct?"

"Yes."

"This is more than half your men."

Erwin doesn't reply and keeps his gaze staring straight ahead. Hanji shifts uncomfortably beside me and I know she can see it too, just the smallest hint of tension in our commander's frame. It seems that it isn't just me who's bothered by the amount of dead.

Darius lays down the paper in his hands as he states simply, "You did not succeed in inhabiting Tal, you lost over half your army, and you failed in apprehending any of the traitor shifters."

At his words an immense weight settles upon my body as if the air itself is trying to crush me, and I audibly hear Hanji swallow.

"I'm disappointed Erwin." Darius sighs, lifting his head to gaze at his subordinate. "I expected many things from you, but never this. In all your years of service and leadership, this might be the worst expedition to date."

Erwin's jaw tightens even more as Darius continues..

"Not only that, but you allowed your own subordinates to usurp your orders and take command of your army..."

"He didn't allow us to do anything." Gauche's voice suddenly pipes in, and all eyes focus on him. "With all due respect, Commander Erwin had no knowledge about anything that happened after he left the main body and rode ahead. The events that occurred after his departure happened independently of his command."

"Gauche Kurobari," Darius considers, gazing heavily from atop his stand, and I can almost feel the condescending weight of the judge's eyes upon the white-blond. "As admirable as it is for you to defend your commander, you are in no situation to do so."

"I'm aware sir."

"I'm certain you are."

Darius ruffles the documents upon his pedestal before pulling out a particular stack. Darius speaks again as he fingers through the pages.

"I will put this simply: you are aware that your actions can be considered a type of treason, do you not?"

"I am aware." Gauche replies back, and to his credit he appears to remain calm even under the scrutiny. "I take full responsibility for my insubordination, but I only acted out of turn because I believed it to be the best choice of action considering the situation."

Darius raises a brow, muttering "By taking orders from your own subordinate against your commander?"

For the first time the entire meeting sound comes from the right side of the courtroom. Niles lets out a disbelieving chuckle and shakes his head.

"I'm I really hearing this right Erwin? Have you lost complete control over your soldiers?" he sneers with a shit eating grin.

"No he didn't." Gauche swiftly retaliates. "My actions are my own fault. I will obey whatever order Commander Erwin gives me."

"Except when jeopardizing half your men apparently." Niles barbs back in a voice so mocking it makes my blood boil. "It's just as he said; you lost over half your army with nothing to show for it. How did the families react when they found out you all but slaughtered their sons and daughters?"

The muscles in my crossed arms tense and I cannot help the venom that drips from my voice.

"And what were _you_ doing while all that was happening, military pig?" I spit, eyes and voice as chilled as the frozen world outside this room. "I'm sure you're putting in loads of overtime trying to free humanity by playing chess with the higher ups and cleaning those useless barrels you call weapons while tucked away safely behind the Walls."

The black haired man's grin plummets into a scowl and his eyes pierce me as he retorts, "Watch your temper Corporal. You're just as guilty as Kurobari is…."

"Enough!" Darius' booming order silences the room. "Nile, though your presence is required, you are only here to witness the proceedings. I will not have you interfering again."

At his words Nile backs down, though he keeps his haughty eyes cast toward us. With him subdued Darius next turns to me.

"Corporal, I will not have you disrupt the proceedings either." he scorns, gazing down upon me.

I return the action with resentment.

"Now…." Darius collects himself, picking back up where he left off. "Gauche, you openly admit to usurping your commander's orders in favor of following the unauthorized proposal of a subordinate. Why?"

Returning his attention to the man before him, Gauche explains, "As I stated before, I believed it to be the best course of action at that point in time. I knew that there would be consequences for disobeying, but I also knew that we needed to retrieve Eren Jeager at any cost, and that our time was running short. I opted to take immediate action before the enemy could escape the forest and leave us at a great disadvantage."

"And you did not report your decision to either Erwin or Hanji Zoe?"

"No sir, I didn't. They were already far ahead of the main body."

Darius makes a soft noise in the back of his throat as his expression changes to one of concentration again. I know that he is considering Gauche's explanation with great scrutiny, and though my fellow leader kept his composure and plainly spoke his reasoning I fear it has done nothing but seal our fate even more.

Beside me Hanji shifts and clears her throat.

"If I may speak sir."

"Go on." he grunts.

The scientist lifts her chin and folds her arms behind her back.

"Though Gauche, among others, did disobey Commander Erwin without his or I knowing, they succeed in rescuing Eren."

"Yes they did. However," Darius replies, carefully meshing his fingers together, "the fact that they inadvertently succeeded in rescuing him has no relevance to the issue at hand. Numerous soldiers acted outside Erwin's direct orders and implemented a plan without receiving his affirmation."

"I understand sir," Hanji continues to argue, narrowing her eyes in concentration, "but in the end our original goal was still met. I agree that they shouldn't have acted on their own, but they only did so with intention of helping us rescue Eren before it was too late."

"That still does not excuse…."

"They risked everything!" Hanji interrupts him suddenly with a near shout. "Even without Erwin's orders these soldiers willingly took it into their _own_ hands to risk their _own_ lives to get one of their comrades back! Dozens of them DID lose their lives. They kept the enemy from taking Eren away to do who knows what. It shouldn't matter whether or not they were ordered to do so, they still ended up saving him. We would have done just the same with the metallic snare trap we set up near Tal to capture the Female."

All eyes are on the scientist, including mine, and I cannot help but raise my brows in silent surprise at her unexpected outburst. It's no secret that Hanji is a bit more on the eccentric side, but all unwarranted quirks aside she has always been one to take her job very seriously. When the situation calls for it, just as it does now, the woman is entirely capable of keeping a level head and somehow manage to give off an air of professionalism whilst in the office. Yet now she stands, body tense as she spouts her mind, and I can see the barely suppressed fire in her gaze.

'_Seems like these brats got to you too, huh Shitty glasses?'_

In this brief moment of repose I spare a quick glance to the kneeling soldiers in the center of the floor. Their backs are turned so it's impossible to gauge their reactions to the proceedings so far, but surprisingly neither of them have spoken up. I can't help but wonder what's going through their minds now: is Armin frightened? Does he regret going along with that plan from before? Does Avian?

At that last statement I let out a mental huff.

'_Of course not. Armin might, but not the woman. She never seems to regret anything.'_

Boring my eyes into the back of her head, I silently will her to turn her head around, but despite my efforts her attention remains forward.

Before I can linger on her longer shuffling draws my attention back to Darius as he leans forward in his seat. His expression remains as stoic and calculating as usual, but there is a perceptible amount of sobriety in his presence as he addresses the squad leader before him.

"Precisely Hanji." he speaks slowly, allowing a moment to pass to add emphasis to his next words before continuing. "Though I understand your concern for the welfare of your soldiers, as there was a significant amount of life lost during your operation, none of those men or women had the authority to conduct an action of that scale without first consulting their commanding officer. Regardless of the result of the action, those individuals still committed an act akin to treason in order to do so. An act that, as you just helpfully pointed out, would have been unnecessary had the original precautions and orders given to them by Commander Erwin been heeded."

Throughout his explanation Hanji's eyes lose their fire and a sense of foreboding settles in among us. Darius is right, of course he is. He's always right when it comes to the law; he IS the law. It doesn't matter if those soldiers ended up helping us in the end, disobedience is disobedience.

"Furthermore, the competency of one's men is a reflection of the ability of the leader who commands them. If subordinates refuse to obey the orders given to them, it is by fault of the one in charge. By these soldiers refusing to follow orders, it shows that Erwin has begun losing esteem. And a man who cannot garner the respect of his fellows..." Darius eyes Erwin with a gaze that could slice the very air, "...is not fit to lead them."

Dead silence. No one in the room utters a sound as Darius sits back in his chair, observing us as the gravity of his words sinks in. Hanji's fists clench almost imperceptibly at her sides, and Gauche stares at the ground. Erwin remains poised, arms hung loose and posture straight, the only sign of strain showing in the tightness of his jaw. Though none of them speak it almost feels like a conversation is happening between us, a passing of emotions and intentions from one leader to the next.

My throat and chest begin to burn.

The fight is over.

We lost.

'_The Corps….'_

It's going to be no more.

I refuse to look at him, but I can sense the grin plastered over Nile's face. He always did believe that our cause was a lost one, and for reasons still not entirely known to me he has always tried his damnedest to bring us down. Now he's finally getting his wish.

A strange feeling slowly creeps throughout my body, something numb and thick like slog clogging my veins. It's a startling sensation, one I haven't felt in a very long time, but this feeling of hopelessness is all too familiar and every inch of my being revolts against it. I almost feel sick.

'_Everything… everything we sacrificed…' _I agonize, digging my nails into my palms to keep from lashing out. '_This can't be it. This can't….'_

"...you're wrong..."

A lone voice, just above a whisper, breaks me out of my thoughts. Ahead of me Armin shifts in his shackles, the clanks sounding like booms of thunder in the hushed room as he rights himself as much as he can.

"Y… you're wrong." he repeats, louder this time, and lifts his head to look up at Darius. "Commander Erwin never lost our respect. What we did was of our own choice."

Darius' frown deepens, and he considers the young boy lazily.

"You disobeyed his orders. If you truly do respect your commander as much as you claim you do, then why would you deliberately go against him." he states more than asks, obviously not expecting much of an answer, but Armin bolsters his resolve.

"We didn't go against Commander Erwin because we believed his plan wouldn't work," the blond explains, "but because we were afraid it would be too little too late. Those three, Annie, Bertholt and Reiner have shown on multiple occasions that there is little they won't do to capture Eren. For whatever reason, they need him, and each of their attempts are more desperate than the last. We feared that if we let them have Eren for too long, they'd slip right through our fingers and we could lose him for good."

At this point all eyes are focused on the cadet, impressing all of us with this unexpected show of courage. For once the kid doesn't look lost and helpless, and in this moment he truly holds himself like the tested soldier that he is.

"I had no doubt that Commander Erwin's plan would work." Armin continues, "But… that was our friend. My best friend. I… I couldn't risk them taking him away."

Just as Armin falls silent Niles lets out an unimpressed huff and crosses his arms, stating, "So does everyone else. If people were allowed to act so recklessly every time one of you gets captured or dies, then the entire army would be complete chaos. Just because that _freak_ is a friend of yours doesn't give you the go ahead to just do whatever you want."

"Nile…." Darius begins, raising his hand to quell the tension before it escalates, but a second voice beats voice beats him to it.

"He's not a freak."

Nile starts at the unexpected sound, and a twinge in my chest stirs as Avian lifts her head up.

"He's. Not. A. Freak." she repeats, her words coming out like shards of ice.

Nile sneers, "Not to you he isn't. You're the same as he is after all, and you both are more trouble than you're worth."

"Trouble? What sort of pishposh is that? Eren and I have done nothing of ill will toward either you, our alliance, or the citizens." Avian argues earning herself a fierce glare from the dark haired man she is addressing.

"Oh please. Compromising our standards by letting some half-titan mutants serve as if they're truly human? Your very existence is nothing but a threat."

"And how did you come about this absurd conclusion?" Avian hurls back, returning his fire with some of her own. "Are you wary that we might defect as those three aforementioned did? For I can assure you that your suspicions are without ample ground. Eren and I both have done nothing but loyally serve under Commander Erwin for as long as I have resided here."

"That's a laugh. I could care less how long you've been with us. Those three were here even longer than you and they still turned traitor, so your excuse is worthless." Nile retorts. "And it's funny that you should mention serving your commander as an argument point seeing as how you're here specifically BECAUSE you didn't obey him."

"My defiance is justified." Avian cooly asserts, earning a snort of disbelief from Nile.

"Justified? You commited treason!"

Darius calls for silence from his pedestal, but his voice is lost behind Avian's heated reply.

"Only so that I could more confidently rescue Eren from his entrapment."

Beside the riveted ginger Armin mumbles hushed words I cannot hear, to which the woman rebukes openly, "I care not if it is out of turn, Armin. I refuse to be penalized for an offence of which I never committed."

"Never committed?" Nile states. "You deliberately disobeyed your commander by not following his orders!"

"ENOUGH!"

The crack of a fist upon wood shakes the entire room ushering both Nile and Avian into a deathly silence. Darius peers over the top of his nose down toward them, first at Nile who straightens his back and resumes perfect form, then to Avian. The woman holds his stare, unflinching under his scrutiny.

'_What are you doing?' _I think toward her with the beginnings of a knot in my stomach as Darius relaxes his fist with deliberate care.

My thoughts go unheard as Avian retains her posture, unintimidated by the judge before her.

"Avian Connor..." the aged man drawls with sharpness on his tongue, "Tell me, do you know why you and your companion are here?"

"I do." she answers curtly. "Though I am hard pressed to comprehend as to why such a thing is of enough importance to warrant our incarceration."

"You defied direct orders from your highest commanding officer. You do realize that this is a punishable crime?" Darius questions.

"I still fail to understand the complication." Avian replies evenly. "As far as I am aware, after the capture of Eren our orders were to tail the Female titan and rescue him, a task of which we adhered to."

"By enacting a plan without consulting any of the officers above you." Darius counters, to which the ginger swiftly retorts, "A plan that accomplished the aforestated goal."

Darius goes silent for a moment before continuing in his same baritone, "Conner, it is stated here that you were the individual who came up with the unauthorized plan of action used during the mission. Is that correct?"

Avian nods, "Yes."

"It is also stated that you transformed and engaged the enemy without expressed permission from any of your commanding officers. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

Darius gazes down at the papers before him, shuffling through them one by one. All is quiet for a few tense heartbeats before he speaks again without looking up.

"Commander Erwin..."

Erwin lifts his head slightly in answer, "Yes?"

"... you wrote in your report that you planned on enacting a predetermined strategy for the capture of the Female. Would you care to briefly explain?"

If Erwin is caught off guard by this odd request he doesn't show it.

"Yes sir. Our original plan entailed ensnaring the Female with a trap similar to the one used in Stohess the day we captured Annie Leonhart. It required a simple set up of multiple, portable barrel cannons loaded with industrial grade snaring cables secured on both the ground and in the trees. Unlike Stohess, however, the cables we planned on using were not the standard threaded cables, but a new model developed by Hanji Zoe specifically designed to be used on titan shifters with Leonhart as its main focus."

Darius lifts his hand for Erwin to stop before turning his attention to Hanji who straightens just the slightest amount beside me.

"Hanji, this new version of support weapon has been in development since the battle in Stohess. Briefly explain what sort of advancements were made."

Hanji clears her throat before speaking, "First, we made a slight change to the construction of the cables in which we improved the overall strength of the cable by using a new pattern for the braiding of individual strands. Second, we altered the head of the cables by replacing the standard piercing head with a specialty combustible head which allows the point to shatter upon impact, embedding smaller cables to improve grip. Thirdly, in a select few of the cannons, we used another newly developed hollow head. It is designed exactly like the standard, except this version is slightly hollowed out to allow injection of a serum I developed to dissolve the crystallization of the skin."

'_Is she being serious?' _

I listen to the scientist with slight shock. I've never heard of any of this before, not even Hanji mentioned anything about developing new cables.

'_Have I been so out of it that I missed the hints about it completely?' _I can't help but wonder, thinking back to the previous year trying to see if there is any sort of inclination I missed. '_Or is it….'_

I slide my gaze over to Erwin who keeps staring dutifully ahead and my eyes instinctively narrow.

'_... I was never told?' _I finish.

The idea is completely preposterous; I've fought beside the man for years and know him almost like the back of my hand, and yet a trickle of doubt bubbles in the core of my being. I quickly slide my gaze to gauge Gauche's reaction to the news, and though he does well to keep his expression flat, I spy a tightness around his mouth.

'_So he didn't know either.'_

Before I can deliberate this new development any further Darius brings me back to the situation at hand.

"With these new developments," Darius continues, "do you believe that the strategy Erwin proposed would have succeeded?"

"I can't state a full opinion with complete accuracy without having tested it out in the field," Hanji begins, "but with the cables I theorise it would have heightened our success rate greatly, either by doing what they were designed to do by completely restraining the titan, or by allowing us enough time to properly incapacitate and possibly eradicate the shifter."

Darius hums in response, considering this information silently for a moment. After what feels like hours he once again centers his attention on the kneeling woman before him.

"What do you make of this information, Conner?"

Avian starts slightly as if caught off guard by the unusual question, and it takes her a moment to reply uncertainly, "I admit I fail to understand the basis for your question. Admittedly these improvements sound greatly beneficial, but I'm puzzled as to what sort of response you are expecting from me…."

"Your superiors," Darius motions to Erwin and Hanji with a wave of his hand, "spent months working on this new technology so it could be used in situations specifically alike to the one you encountered this morning. Not only that, but they both already had a predetermined strategy in mind at the moment of the attack and both have stated in their reports that they were able to completely position and prepare the cannons before the arrival of the Female."

Avian remains silent as he stares at her, and I can feel the weight of his judgement boring down on the woman.

"In short, your fears that your superiors would not have enough time to prepare a counterattack, nor have adequate ability to capture the Female, have just been proven false. Your unauthorized plan was moot from the very beginning."

Avian doesn't reply for a long moment, remaining utterly still, then she asks, "What if it had failed? Such a passive trap could be easily avoided. A more aggressive approach is much more preferable…"

"Whether or not the strategy would have succeeded is beside the point." Darius cuts her off. "You enabled an unauthorized plan of action when your commander already had a set one in place. As a soldier it is your duty to obey the orders of those of higher position than you without question."

"I understand, but she had Eren." Avian argues back. "He isn't just an ordinary soldier. I couldn't, with good conscience, fall back and allow them any time to possibly escape."

"What your conscience tells you doesn't matter. Your duty as a soldier is to follow the orders given to you."

"My _duty _is to save lives!"

"Within the authority of your commander."

"I shouldn't need his authority to allow me to do my job."

"As a cadet under his command, yes you do. You are not allowed to act without being given an order to do so. That is how it works."

"So by that logic if Commander Erwin ordered me to abandon Eren and leave him for dead, I should just comply without protest?"

"Yes, you should."

Avian's entire body sags in disbelief and I can almost visualize the stunned expression on her face.

"How can you say such a thing!? Eren is my dear friend! How can you expect me to witness him in mortal peril and do nothing to rescue him!? Or any soldier for that matter!?" Avian almost cries, her voice going up an octave, and my body tenses.

'_Shut up!' _I mentally order her.

I can sense the strain in the room rising again, and I know Avian; if she doesn't keep her mouth shut she'll end up making things even worse. And sure enough, at her rising tone Darius' eyes darken and his posture bores over the edge of his pedestal with intimidation.

"Watch your voice Conner." he warns her, but it falls upon deaf ears.

"I will not!" she all but shouts at him. "What you are informing me is utterly absurd and I refuse to believe it! How can anyone have the jurisdiction to prevent me from saving the life of a comrade? Such a task is my sole purpose in this army! Commander Erwin even _commissioned_ you to allow creation of a squad _specifically_ _for_ such an endeavour! How can you tell me that I am not allowed to do the singular charge that has been given to me, and of which I have been fulfilling since the installation of my squad!? That is ludicrous!"

"Silence Conner!" Darius orders, smacking his fist heavily. "I will not have this attitude in my courtroom!"

'_Shut up you idiot!' _I mentally beg her again with unease rising in my chest, and the wooden barrier separating her and I groans slightly from where my fists now clench onto it. '_Quit fighting!'_

Once again my plea goes unheard as the woman, instead of backing down, rises as much as she can in her restraints. She completely ignores Armin who appears to be desperately whispering for her to calm down.

"I care not for your courtroom, we are speaking of people's lives!" she continues to bellow. "Unauthorized or not I, and the others who assisted, were successful in rescuing Eren. Was that not our intended goal? I fail to fathom what wrongdoing I have apparently committed by performing the duty I have been entrusted with!"

"You acted outside your station and deliberately disobeyed your commander." Darius retorts with just as much energy in his gravelly tone. "Such behaviour is unacceptable."

"So saving him is deemed 'unacceptable' now?" the ginger spits. "Eren is my friend! His life is worth more than your petty orders."

"Including the lives of your fellow soldiers?" Darius jabs.

"No!" she argues, abashed. "The lives of all the army are precious! I gave my oath the moment S.O.A.R. was formed that their lives were my priority!"

"What about the ones who were killed following the plan you devised?" Darius counters levely.

Avian makes a sound as if she is going to argue, but no words follow. Her body shifts as she tries to formulate an answer.

"They are just as important." she finally states, but her voice has lost its sharpness.

The hush that falls in the room is stark against the heated dispute from a moment before, and I can hear the pounding of my heart beating in my ears.

Darius allows the silence to drag on, a stone monument in his high seat as he stares down at the soldier before him. No one dares move, the atmosphere suddenly too heavy to allow such a luxury, and it is ages before the judge carefully lifts up a single paper and reads, "The total death count for this previous mission is counted as one hundred thirty seven."

Unexpectedly a lump forms in my being at those few soft spoken words, and it takes effort to push the feeling aside. The woman kneeling before me is as still as death.

"According to various reports given to me by medics as well as assigned wagon drivers," Darius continues lowly, "of those hundred thirty seven, an estimated seventy to seventy five of those were a direct result of poisoning or fatal injury sustained after the initial engagement of the Female Titan."

Avian remains completely still while Darius lowers the sheet back down. His movements are deliberate and heavy as he meshes his fingers together and leans forward. When he next speaks, his eyes are as cold as his words.

"Over half of the deaths sustained in this mission are because of you."

The lump from before appears as, '_Over half. Over half.' _repeats relentlessly in my mind. I lower my eyes back down to Avian again, but she still hasn't moved. In fact, it doesn't appear that she's even breathing.

"Corporal Levi."

At the call of my name I snap to attention to find Darius staring at me.

"In your report you stated that all four of your subordinates were killed, and of those, two were killed during Eren's rescue. What are their names." he calmly demands.

It takes little effort to don my mask with an expression of indifference, though I have to concentrate to keep my voice steady as I reply, "Oluo Bozado and Petra Ral."

At those two names the ginger visibly flinches and the entirety of her posture begins to sag.

Darius turns to Gauche next, the white-blond coming to attention.

"Gauche Kurobari, you also lost one of your subordinates. What is his name."

Gauche visibly swallows before he replies, "Zaji Vashuka."

Avian flinches again as Darius returns his attention to her.

"These three soldiers were your comrades in arms, both previous and current. They are only a small portion of all the lives that were lost because of your decision." he tells her without emotion. "The pain you feel now can be multiplied by over seventy more. Seventy lives, including the lives of your squad members, were given in exchange for your reckless plan. Do you still believe that your deviance is justified?"

The woman wilts on her knees, curtains of ginger falling from behind her head to shield her face from the judge. Armin gazes at her with eyes brimming with pain, and I'm sure if he were allowed to move he would have thrown a comforting arm around her form.

Darius waits for her answer, but she gives none.

I'm thankful I cannot see her expression; I don't know if I could handle seeing the anguish that is sure to be there. A complicated emotion ties up my chest looking at her, seeing her simply fall when she had been standing so strong a few moments before. I know that Darius is right, Avian's plan WAS foolish, and I cannot justify the loss of lives it caused. It's a painful reality, one that the woman is experiencing right before my eyes, possibly for the first time in her life, and it kills me inside. I hate it. I hate all of it.

'_She only did what she thought was right.' _my mind tries to plead for her, but as quickly as the thought appears, it vanishes.

It doesn't matter, and it kills me to know that it doesn't matter. Good intentions cannot bring back the dead. Avian made a choice to follow her own instincts instead of Erwin's, and now she has to deal with the consequences of that choice.

"You only saw an outcome without considering what you would have to give up in order to obtain it." Darius continues. "Though I believe that you only had the best intentions at heart, I cannot condone what you did. Seventy lives, in this instance, does not weigh against one."

As several seconds tick by without her response, Darius shuffles the papers on his desk and moves on, leaving the woman to wallow in her silence.

"Seventy casualties. Thirteen carriages lost. Failure to occupy Tal. Subordinate rebellion. These are the results of your mission." Darius centers an eye on Erwin before asking, "Is there any objection to these statements Commander?"

Erwin's fists clench white by his sides when he replies, "No."

"Then it is decided. As overseer of these proceedings I declare that on the end of this month, February 28th, all authority and leadership as well as remaining soldiers are to be put under the command of Nile Dok."

With those words an inexplicable blockage forms in my throat, and it takes everything I have to retain my composure. Hanji isn't as restrained, the scientist gnashing her fingers into the fabric of her pants and her eyes glinting dangerously behind her glasses. I spare a swift glance to the two men at the end, but both wear the same expression; jaws clenched, face stern, and bodies rigid. I can just barely make out Erwin's fist shaking.

The Recon Corps is officially abolished.

"What?"

A voice so meek that I barely catch it's whisper catches my attention, and I stare at Avian who has miraculously lifted her head again.

Darius gives her a flat stare.

"You have an objection Conner?"

"You… you jest, don't you?" her words timidly float into the silence again. "You cannot earnestly intend to disband the Corps?"

"Due to the needs of the people," Darius drones, "the disbandment of the Corps was considered to help aid the Military Police in their effort to relocate refugees and their families back into the outer Walls. However, Erwin and I came to an agreement that, depending on the result of this most recent mission, he may have the chance to retain his leadership. As it is, he failed to meet the conditions we agreed upon and as such has relinquished his position." Darius does not hide the scorn in either his expression or his voice when he states, "Perhaps if the flow of the mission had gone according to his original plan, there would not have been a need for this meeting."

The judge and the woman hold gazes, and the sheer gravity in the room is almost suffocating. Only when the air begins to fill with static do the two part, Darius to stare back at his paperwork, and the woman to sink back into herself. Once again, I'm almost thankful I cannot see her face.

"Now that we have that matter settled," the man upon the pedestal speaks, "we shall move on to the next."

Putting his papers into a neat stack in the corner of his desk Darius twines his fingers together and gazes outward.

"Going against direct orders from a superior officer is a punishable offence, the penalty for which varies depending on the degree of the offence. I have already compiled a list of all surviving individuals involved with the execution of Avian Conner's unauthorized action. The penalty for minor accomplices shall be a ten percent cut in allowance for the forthcoming month, and shall be enforced by Nile Dok. Those individuals who did _not_ have knowledge of this action prior to its engagement, as well as those who did not have a squad leader present at the time of engagement, have been excluded."

The man in question nods his head in agreement, a loathsome smirk playing just at the corners of his lips.

I force myself to swallow the burning resentment rising in my chest as Darius continues.

"Of those involved in the unauthorized action, I have identified three soldiers directly responsible for the formulation and execution of said action. I shall begin with the highest in rank."

At this Darius focuses his attention on Gauche, who does well to remain standing under his prosecutor's heavy gaze.

"Gauche Kurobari, it is stated in multiple reports, as well as your own, that you had prior knowledge of Conner's plan, yet did not attempt to stop it. Is that true?"

The young squad leader gives a stiff nod, answering with a firm yes.

"Then I find you, Gauche Kurobari, guilty of second degree treason. The penalty for such will be a fifty percent pay cut for the upcoming month, as well as demotion. Do you have any objections?"

At the reading of his punishment his head bows slightly, but Gauche's voice remains impressively calm as he utters, "No sir."

Darius nods.

"Then I shall move on to the first of the two main culprits." he announces, turning his eyes to Armin who shifts nervously under his gaze.

"Armin Arlert.", the boy freezes at the call of his name, "it is stated in multiple reports, as well as your own, that you personally assisted Conner in the formulation of her plan. Is that true?"

Armin reverts to his default submissive demeanor, muttering a hesitant 'yes' barely loud enough to be heard.

"Then I find you, Armin Arlert, guilty of first degree treason." Darius declares. "Now, unlike Kurobari, I have come to the decision that financial punishment alone is not equal to the severity of your offense. Seeing as a crime of this nature has not appeared in recent years, I took the liberty of consulting pervious judicial records of decades past. With that being said, the penalty you will be given now is taken directly from those records, and falls in line with our current judicial laws and regulations."

An unsettling feeling forms in my stomach.

'_What sort of punishment is this old man talking about?'_

With a wave of his hand two MP officers of whom I do not recognize depart from Nile's side. Avian makes a noise of confusion as they brush past her and lift the metallic post pinning Armin's wrists to the ground. In a flurry of movement they swiftly replace the post before readjusting his position, restraining his bound wrists in front of him so he is forced to kneel hunched forward.

"For your crime of treason against Commander Erwin Smith," Darius continues as one of the MP's pulls out a small knife from his pocket, "your punishment shall be lashing."

I barely hear the sound of the MP cutting the back of Armin's tattered shirt open over the stunned static ringing in my ears.

'_Lashing?' _I mentally gape. '_I've never heard of lashing being used for punishment.'_

I cast a quick glance to my left to see equally stunned faces on both Hanji and Gauche, watching in silence as the MP flings the flaps of shredded shirt out of the way, leaving Armin's pale hunched back exposed.

"As it is regulated in the records," Darius' voice beckons my attention, "the number of lashings received is dependent upon the number of higher ranking officers the guilty deliberately disobeyed; a total of five lashing for each officer. Armin Arlert, since you were the head of an independent communication squad, your only commanding officer is Commander Erwin Smith, thus, you shall receive five lashings."

As the first MP sheathes his knife back in his pocket the second MP stalks over to Darius' pedestal, where the older man bestows him a simple wooden box.

"As his Commander," Darius instructs as the MP walks over to the man in question, opening the box to offer whatever is inside, "you, or whomever you deem otherwise, shall carry out his punishment."

Erwin is emotionless, undaunted by the task as he unhesitatingly reaches and pulls out a lengthy, brown leather whip, weighing the device in his hand as he replies, "I will do it."

"Very well."

Erwin ignores all of us as he stalks out into the center of the floor. Avian, who has been silent up until now, cranes her neck almost painfully to gaze up at her commander.

My heart lurches at just how ill she looks now, face sweaty and unimaginably pale, and she begs, "Don't do this! The fault is all mine! He had no hand in it at all!"

Erwin just gazes at her with such condemnation that his shadow almost seems to take a life of it's own, shrouding her crouching form like a suffocating blanket.

"Please, I beg of you!" she pleads again, each heart wrenching word feeling like a thorn in my chest, "Do whatever it is you wish on me, but please just spare him! Have mercy!"

Erwin unfurls the whip, the snap of it's end hitting the floor sending Armin's hunched body into trembling hysterics so violent I can hear his barely restrained sobs through the clanking of his cuffs against the metal post. Avian begs him again, sounding more desperate than ever, but her cries fall upon deaf ears.

Without a single word or shred of humanity in his eyes, Erwin lifts the whip and cracks it.

Armin's wail of pain fills the courtroom as a portion of his otherwise flawless skin is split open. Both Hanji and Gauche flinch beside me. Though neither dare say a word, I can see the unspoken exclamations etched in their eyes. Despite the horrors we've already seen today, the sight before us is a whole other monster entirely.

Another crack and cry echo within the walls, and it takes effort to keep myself stoic in my spot of observance and retain a posture of deliberate indifference. Despite popular belief, I do not enjoy watching others suffer. I am violent myself, yes, but only out of necessity. Allowing oneself to be disturbed by the horrors of both the natural and unnatural world is a luxury a man in my position simply cannot afford. Violence is a part of this fucked up world we live in, nothing more to it. As harsh as it may be, there is nothing that can be said against it. The crime was done, so the penalty must be paid.

I do not enjoy seeing it, especially in cases such as Armin, who as a person doesn't deserve such treatment, but being bound by duty and position I have no choice but to hold my tongue. As loath as I am to admit it, I have no power here. Within the walls of Darius' judgement, I'm as helpless as a civilian.

So as another crack snaps the air in two, I keep my arms folded, maintain my stone mask, and avoid looking at anything except Erwin's back. I ignore the grunting cries of Armin, the lost face of Avian as she watches helplessly, the impervious deadpan of Darius upon his pedestal and the sly shadow of a grin playing on Nile's lips. I painfully force myself to ignore all of it.

It feels like hours before the final crack of the whips sounds and Armin all but collapses upon himself. Neat, bright red streams leaking from five separate open wounds shine starkly against his clammy skin, and his body shakes uncontrollably, unable to handle the agony it just endured.

Finished, Erwin calmly loops the whip into his hand and out of the way as the two MP's from before come forward once again.

"Avian Conner."

Despite my best efforts my heart leaps to my throat as Darius moves on to the final culprit in the room.

"It is stated in multiple reports, including Squad Leader Gauche's, Corporal Levi's, and Commander Erwin's, that you spearheaded the formulation of the unauthorized plan used. In extension, it was also stated that you were the sole initiator and engaged the enemy in battle against direct orders from both Levi and Erwin. Is that true?"

Without my saying so my eyes lock on to the ginger's limp form. Even from this distance I can see that her entire body is slick with sweat, and her bandaged arm trembles uncontrollably. Though I'm certain she heard the woman does not reply, her petrified gaze still locked on to Armin.

"Conner."

It's awful, seeing this woman who is normally so confident and sure of herself struggle to lift her gaze up to her prosecutor.

"It is stated that you not only formulated the unauthorized plan, but also initiated it against direct orders from two of your commanding officers. Is that true?"

Avian still does not reply, though her expression must be enough of an answer for Darius waves his hand, ushering the MP to go about their duty. In a matter of seconds Avian is hunched over in the very same fashion as the boy before her, the back of her shirt split to expose nothing but her chest wrappings and the vulnerable skin beneath.

Darius clears his throat.

"Avian Conner, you were under the command of three officers, though one, Gauche Kurobari, went against his own orders and assisted you. Due to that, he shall not be counted. Minus Kurobari, your accountable commanding officers include Corporal Levi Ackerman and Commander Erwin Smith, thus, you shall receive a total of ten lashings. Commander, if you would…."

It's as if all my senses heighten, honed in on the sole man before me. His proud back stands tall, not immediately moving to action as he did before, and I can only blink in confusion as he turns on his heel and, without a word, walks away.

"What's he doing?" I barely hear Hanji mutter, echoing my thoughts.

Neither Darius nor Nile move to stop him as he makes his way back to us, and suddenly a sickening dread overwhelms me.

'_No. No please don't.'_

Try as I might to retain my stony facade, it crumbles the moment Erwin stops in front of me. His expression is as cold as death itself, and I cannot help the involuntary chill it sends down my spine.

With great deliberance, he offers me the whip.

For a rare moment in my life I'm rendered completely frozen, both unable and unwilling to obey the order so blatantly etched upon my commander's face. My thoughts all end, killed on the spot by the sheer force of the blaze burning deep within his gaze, and I can almost feel the rough touch of rope as he mentally ties my hands behind my back.

There is no room for compromise.

I numbly take the device from him and slowly ghost my way out into the aisle. His eyes scorch the back of my head as I see more than feel my way up to the center of the room before stopping abruptly.

Avian looks so small, so vulnerable, beneath me, hunched over so far her spine creates ridges under her skin. Now that I'm right on her, I can clearly see the beads of sweat decorating her, soaking her wrappings along the edges.

It's almost perplexing seeing how striking the discoloration of her scars are now compared to her pale complexion. They don't even look real. Against skin that is now frightfully white I can see every intention, every ridge, every tear; each individual tooth mark upon her shoulder, every place where the large gash down the center of her back split and ripped apart. The marks of those that tried to killer.

'_And now I'm about to add my own.'_

All I can taste is bile.

I know it's completely useless, but against my better judgement I turn and look at Erwin, mentally begging him to give me another way.

But his face is stone as he stares back at me, and I know I have no choice. I failed him. He warned me about getting involved with the woman and I failed. I followed her, fell in love with her, kissed her, and he caught us. The game was over back in Tal, perhaps even before then.

He warned me, but I fell in love anyway, and now this is my punishment.

Distantly I hear Nile suck his teeth in impatience, and I can feel Darius staring down upon me from his pedestal, waiting. I have no choice. There is no way I can disobey these men. This is a test, a chance for me to prove that I am still on the side of humanity, that I'm still willing to give up anything for it's survival. Though I desperately wish it to not be true, they will accept nothing less than absolutely loyalty. I have to do it.

'_I have to do it. For humanity.'_

The thought sounds hollow even to my own ears.

I cannot still the slight tremble in my fingers as I unfurl the whip, and I watch Avian desperately for any kind of reaction: a look, a sound, _anything._

She does nothing.

My whole body feels as if it's on fire and freezing in ice at the same time, and my heart pounds in my ears so loud it sounds like titans are stomping in my head.

'_I don't want to do this. I can't. Not to her. Anyone but her.' _I beg.

But no one can save either of us now. We dug our own grave.

Avian quivers as I slowly raise the whip, wishing beyond all hope that she would look at me and know that I don't want to do this. But she doesn't, and I have no time to wait for her.

"Avian," my lips breathe, not knowing if she can hear, "I'm sorry."

Raising familiar stone walls around my heart, I push all emotions aside, put on my mask, and cock the whip.

The resounding crack will haunt me for the rest of my days.

***Author's Note***

So Avian and Armin are punished for their love for Eren, and Levi is punished for his love for Avian…. Seems like such a thing just isn't possible for those in the military. I'm quite partial to the title for this chapter for some reason. It just.. fits...

Anywho, I'm late again (surprising absolutely no one). It's a little bit quicker than the last, but still too long of a wait. I sincerely do apologize for the slow updates. I just can't seem to write any faster for some reason. Guess I'm just fed up with this terrible year; if I have to go to another hospital or funeral I swear I'm going to scream.

I really do hope that this update is worth the wait. It was quite the challenge to write, so I don't know if it's even any good or fun to read, but here it is anyway. We're very close to making headway into a new portion of the story which I have been looking forward to pretty much since I started writing this. It won't be this next chapter, but perhaps the one after that. That's the plan anyway; we'll see how it actually works out.

Fun Fact: This chapter marks the first time Levi has ever apologized to Avian, verbal or otherwise. Just sayin. (I'm pretty sure anyway. It's been a long while since I read my older chapters….)

Now on to the reviews (the reviews from the previous chapter are sort of mixed up and just generally messed up, so I'm sorry if I miss yours. Just know that I'm eternally thankful for your kind words!) :

**TheRealXiaoLong- **I simply cannot thank you enough for your support. It means so much to me, I'll never be able to express it through words ;u; At least this chapter wasn't AS late, right? xD And I'm highly honored to hear that I'm one of the reasons you went back to writing yourself. I do hope you don't think I'm trying to toot my own horn, because that's definitely not the case, I'm just happy to have helped in some way. It always makes my hobby that much more fun and rewarding when people can get more out of it than just entertainment, ya know? Thank you for the review dear, you're too kind c:

**CFVplayer- **Though you aren't part of the fanfic community I'm glad to hear that you still read other people's works. There are some gems out there let me tell you, I spent many years as just a reader before writing something of my own, and even now I still spend WAY too much time reading other works on this site haha.

(and because FanFiction said you reviewed twice on this I'll just answer the other one too, so sorry if I already answered ^^; )

Welp, you were wondering what Erwin would do now that he pretty much 'caught' them, soooo here you go! :D It was quite brutal, but I honestly believe it fits the situation. The manga shows countless times just how violent and even sadistic this universe can be (heck, even Judge Darius gets in on some of the action which freaks me out). As for their slow relationship, I intentionally made it drag out because it feels more real to me that way, (plus fanfics where people fall in love in, like, four chapters annoy me, sorry!), not to mention that Levi's character just doesn't allow for relationships to form quickly. He's just too closed off and unapproachable, so any kind of romantic development would have no choice but take a great deal of time to develop.

I really do hope you've come back to read this most recent update, and I thank you so much for your kind review(s) c:

**Sakura-nya- **I can see how my apologizing can grate on the nerves a bit, as I do tend to apologize quite a bit (sorry Dx). I'm just overly aware of how long it takes me to update, and I'm always afraid people will think I don't care anymore or gave up and never come back. It's not a numbers thing, like I know some are obsessed with views and the like, but for me I just love seeing the same people stick with this story, and by extension me, over the course of its life. It makes me happy to see those familiar faces c:

I cannot thank you enough for your kind words, I could cry ;u; It always does me good to hear that people like you, as well as others, are willing to wait and be patient with me while I work on updates (and you still ENJOY the story too, which is the most important bit!). I do still love writing for this, and hopefully you have just as much fun reading it. It takes some time for me nowadays, but I'mma keep on truckin' c: Thank you for the review! c:

** \- **You're still here! *elated clapping* It's funny how you and I both get that feel from Erwin. Deep down I'm sure that he only has the best of intentions at heart, but he is also the kind of man who I imagine wouldn't hesitate to dirty his hands or delve into controversial matters to reach his ultimate goal. He's just an unsettling guy, and this chapter certainly doesn't help his case at all xD

I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter, and I CAN tell you that there IS a small significance between Avian and Annie/Reiner/Berthold, though they are not directly related. We're actually getting really close into delving into that, so just hold on for a few chapters and I'm certain a few of your questions will be answered c: Did you happen to notice that, while Annie and the others took obvious interest in Avian, almost as if they recognized her in a way, Avian didn't have interest in them? Not to mention, Annie and the others never met Avian before then, and probably had no idea she existed. So why did they act like they recognized her? Just some food for thought huehue o3o

I also love a more bold Avian as well. Levi has to keep a strict reign on his emotions due not only to the nature of his occupation, but his life experiences, so by default Avian is kind of forced to be the more bold of the two. It also just fits her character as well, since she is naturally confident in herself and holds little regard for what is 'acceptable' within a militaristic environment. Unfortunately I might have just crushed that portion of her personality with this chapter. It will definitely affect how she handles events in the future, that's for sure. Thank you for the wonderful review! C:

**xMorello- **I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter, and as for long chapters, you can rest assured that ALL the chapters will be long because I have absolutely no self control haha. I thank you so much for your kind review c:

**Jin95- **I'm glad I'm back too! xD Thank you so much for your support and kind words! I'm not sure about reviews part since my writing still has a LOT of work to be done to it (heck, I'm not even writing in proper style but it's too deep into the fic to change that now). You don't have to thank me for continuing, I really do enjoy writing this, though it does take a while. I do intent to see this til then end, even if it takes another two years, so you don't have to worry about that. Thank you for the review! C:

**Haruno Shikaio- **I'm glad it was intense, as that was what I was aiming for. Now, whether it actually succeeded is another matter, but there certainly was a lot going on for our poor characters. The little cinnamon rolls need a vacation xD

I thank you so much for your encouragement! It means the world to me, it really does. To answer your question, life could be better at the moment, but it is what it is. Stuff happens *shrug* Reading your lovely review really does my spirit good c: It always helps to be reminded that there are people who don't mind waiting for me and that you are so willing to support me despite my sluggish updates xD I sincerely hope you enjoyed this most recent update. Thank you for such a wonderful review! C:

**BOSSGreatWall- **Long reviews yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! I thank you so much for your kind words! I know this fic has been running for a while (freaking two years already, damn…), and I know it'll continue for a long while yet, but I always try to make sure that I make my updates quality and don't half ass it. That's a good portion of why it takes me so long (also long dialogue scenes… I hate conversations -_-' ). I take great pride in my work, so I'm glad that it shows and that my writing hasn't become lazy or muddied.

I agree with you as well as CFVplayer as well about Levi and Avian's relationship. I try to make it realistic and develop in a way that a 'real' relationship would considering Levi's character. The fact that he regarded her as just another soldier at the beginning is part of the charm of the relationship I think, as well as her 'annoying' quirks. Not all couples start out automatically liking each other, but through time come to accept and even celebrate those little things that make their love interest unique. I definitely had loads of fun playing around with them for sure.

I'm so, SO happy you regard Avian so highly! Her character is probably my favorite part about this entire fic, even more so than her relationship with Levi. Avi on her own is interesting and complex in my mind not only due to her mannerisms but her base personality as well. I sort of compare her to Krista in a way, since both of them are outwardly kind and selfless. Unlike Krista however, is that Avi genuinely IS kind and selfless because that's part of her nature and how her family raised her. Avi has values taught to her by her family (intelligent speech, honesty, and selflessness to name a few) that Krista does not. Avian was lucky in that she does not share a particularly troublesome past like the rest of the cast. Her family was killed, yes, but before that her home life and her relationship with her parents and brothers was just like you would see in our world. She never experienced struggle or hardship like Eren and Mikasa have for example. Not only that, but she was well taught and developed mentally when her family was killed, so even though the event was traumatic she was still able to retain the values her family taught her (also I think that, regardless if she was any younger, she would still try to retain those values just because she loved her family so much). As far as how all that plays into her relationship with Levi, I specifically moulded her to compliment some of his weaknesses, because that's what couples in successful relationships do for their partner; they support and make up for what the other lacks (plus cookie-cutter 'I basically have the same personality as my love interest' characters are the bane of my existence). I'm sorry for going on and on about her by the way. I'm pretty passionate about her, sorry ^^' I love my little Buzzard so much xD

And don't ever apologize for tangents, I LOVE tangents xD (I just had one myself, can you tell haha). The longer the review the happier I am! Seriously… these are the only things giving my writing veins life right now Dx You made perfect sense, and you were plenty constructive! Affirming and sharing your views upon characters and picking them apart helps a great deal, and I genuinely enjoy seeing others analyze them and seeing how you guys decipher them. It's part of the fun! Thank so, SO much for your wonderful review! (The one on Bird's Eye View as well o3o ) I really do hope you enjoyed this recent chapter and you'll stick around for more! C:

Welp, guess that's it. I'm all written out Dx I swear these replies are a chapter on their own. I probably should make them shorter… but nah…. I love replying and explaining myself too much haha! Anyway, thank you again for all of your amazing support and encouragement! I dearly love every single one of you *giant, fuzzy, internet hug* Until next time!

-Ambi


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